Summary: In this episode, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn unpack one of the most overlooked sources of conflict in marriage: the very different ways men and women process thoughts and emotions. Drawing on two decades of research, they explore why many women experience ongoing “open windows,” lingering worries or mental tabs that are hard to close and why many men may not even realize those windows are still open. 

With practical insight and empathy for both sides, Shaunti and Jeff explain the brain-based and physiological differences that shape how we handle stress and disagreement. Most importantly, they offer simple, powerful ways spouses can respond in moments of tension, turning misunderstanding into connection. If you’ve ever felt like you and your spouse were missing each other emotionally, this conversation will give you fresh clarity and practical tools to build deeper understanding. 

Resources: Gur, R. C., & Gur, R. E. (2017). Complementarity of sex differences in brain and behavior: From laterality to multimodal neuroimaging. Journal of Neuroscience Research, 95(1), 189–199. https://doi.org/10.1002/jnr.2383 

FOR MEN ONLY 

FOR WOMEN ONLY  

 

Summary: In this episode, Shaunti and Jeff&nbsp;Feldhahn&nbsp;unpack one of the most overlooked sources of conflict in marriage: the&nbsp;very different&nbsp;ways men and women process thoughts and emotions. Drawing on two decades of research, they explore why many women experience ongoing &ldquo;open windows,&rdquo; lingering worries or mental tabs that are hard to close and why many men may not even realize those windows are still open.&nbsp;
With practical insight and empathy for both sides, Shaunti and Jeff explain the brain-based and physiological differences that shape how we handle stress and disagreement. Most importantly, they offer simple, powerful ways spouses can respond in moments of tension, turning misunderstanding into connection. If you&rsquo;ve ever felt like you and your spouse were missing each other emotionally, this conversation will give you fresh clarity and practical tools to build deeper understanding.&nbsp;
Resources:&nbsp;Gur, R. C., &amp; Gur, R. E. (2017). Complementarity of sex differences in brain and behavior: From laterality to multimodal neuroimaging.&nbsp;Journal of Neuroscience Research, 95(1), 189&ndash;199.&nbsp;<a href="https://doi.org/10.1002/jnr.2383">https://doi.org/10.1002/jnr.2383</a>&nbsp;
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Men-Only-Revised-Updated-Straightforward/dp/1601424450/?tag=shaunticom-20">FOR MEN ONLY&nbsp;</a>
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Women-Only-Revised-Updated-About/dp/1601424442/?tag=shaunticom-20">FOR WOMEN ONLY</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;
&nbsp;

Relationship tripwires. Mental health puzzles. Confusing work dynamics. You’re not the only one scratching your head. But now you have a secret decoder ring! Each episode of I Wish You Could Hear This is packed with proven, simple, and surprising secrets that help you thrive in life, faith, and relationships. Researchers Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn have spent decades interviewing and surveying more than 40,000 people to identify the little things that make a big difference in our lives. They’re Harvard-educated, Christian authors and speakers who also happen to be happily married, analytically minded, and a whole lot of fun! Join them and their guests for real stories, real help, and real hope.

I Wish You Could Hear This

Relationship tripwires. Mental health puzzles. Confusing work dynamics. You&rsquo;re not the only one scratching your head. But now you have a secret decoder ring! Each episode of I Wish You Could Hear This is packed with proven, simple, and surprising secrets that help you thrive in life, faith, and relationships. Researchers Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn have spent decades interviewing and surveying more than 40,000 people to identify the little things that make a big difference in our lives. They&rsquo;re Harvard-educated, Christian authors and speakers who also happen to be happily married, analytically minded, and a whole lot of fun! Join them and their guests for real stories, real help, and real hope.

Navigating the Open Windows of Communication - Episode 36

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/5e27a451-e6e6-4c51-aa03-a7370003783c/clips/f0ab1379-9cba-43e4-a8fc-b4010144e058/transcript

Rebuilding trust after infidelity—or any serious betrayal—can feel impossible. How do you begin trusting someone again when that trust has been completely shattered?

In this episode, Shaunti and Jeff sit down with longtime friends Mark and Jill Savage, authors, speakers, and marriage coaches who know this journey firsthand. They share the story of the affair that nearly ended their marriage, the moment everything began to change, and the long process of rebuilding what had been broken.

Mark and Jill explain why trust isn't restored with one apology or promise to change. Instead, it comes back through consistent changed behavior over time—what they describe as rebuilding trust "one tablespoon at a time." They share practical examples of what honesty, transparency, accountability, and compassion looked like in their own recovery, as well as the role faith, humility, and grief played in their healing.

For anyone facing infidelity or another serious breach of trust, this conversation offers practical steps for moving forward—and hope that even when a marriage feels beyond repair, the story may not be over yet.

This Episode's Key Topics
Mark and Jill Savage's personal story of infidelity and recovery
The turning point that began the healing of their marriage
Why rebuilding trust requires consistent changed behavior over time
The "Trust Bathtub" and rebuilding trust one tablespoon at a time
The importance of honesty, transparency, and proactive accountability
Taking responsibility for betrayal without shifting blame
The role of grief, humility, and faith in the healing process
Hope for couples who feel like their marriage may be beyond repair

Resources

Mark and Jill Savage:markandjill.org
No More Perfect Podcast:podcast.nomoreperfect.com
Free Rebuilding Trust Guide:rebuildingtrust.us

Connect with Mark and Jill

Instagram:@jillsavage.author
Facebook:@jillsavage.author

Rebuilding trust after infidelity&mdash;or any serious betrayal&mdash;can feel impossible. How do you begin trusting someone again when that trust has been completely shattered?
In this episode, Shaunti and Jeff sit down with longtime friends Mark and Jill Savage, authors, speakers, and marriage coaches who know this journey firsthand. They share the story of the affair that nearly ended their marriage, the moment everything began to change, and the long process of rebuilding what had been broken.
Mark and Jill explain why trust isn't restored with one apology or promise to change. Instead, it comes back through consistent changed behavior over time&mdash;what they describe as rebuilding trust "one tablespoon at a time." They share practical examples of what honesty, transparency, accountability, and compassion looked like in their own recovery, as well as the role faith, humility, and grief played in their healing.
For anyone facing infidelity or another serious breach of trust, this conversation offers practical steps for moving forward&mdash;and hope that even when a marriage feels beyond repair, the story may not be over yet.
This Episode's Key Topics
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Mark and Jill Savage's personal story of infidelity and recovery</li>
<li aria-level="1">The turning point that began the healing of their marriage</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why rebuilding trust requires consistent changed behavior over time</li>
<li aria-level="1">The "Trust Bathtub" and rebuilding trust one tablespoon at a time</li>
<li aria-level="1">The importance of honesty, transparency, and proactive accountability</li>
<li aria-level="1">Taking responsibility for betrayal without shifting blame</li>
<li aria-level="1">The role of grief, humility, and faith in the healing process</li>
<li aria-level="1">Hope for couples who feel like their marriage may be beyond repair</li>
</ul>
Resources
Mark and Jill Savage: <a href="https://www.markandjill.org">markandjill.org</a> No More Perfect Podcast: <a href="https://podcast.nomoreperfect.com">podcast.nomoreperfect.com</a> Free Rebuilding Trust Guide: <a href="https://rebuildingtrust.us">rebuildingtrust.us</a>
Connect with Mark and Jill
Instagram: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/jillsavage.author">@jillsavage.author</a> Facebook: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/jillsavage.author">@jillsavage.author</a>

How to Rebuild Trust After Betrayal in Your Marriage, with Mark and Jill Savage - Episode 49

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/5e27a451-e6e6-4c51-aa03-a7370003783c/clips/7dec88f4-9e83-4dae-a379-b4be00179053/transcript

What if love isn’t primarily something you feel—or something you have to wait for—but something you can choose? 

In this episode of I Wish You Could Hear This, Shaunti and Jeff sit down with pastor, author, and Bible teacher Chip Ingram to talk about his book I Choose Love and a radically practical way to understand biblical love. 

Chip explains the difference between the feelings we associate with love and the agape love modeled by Jesus: a willful, sacrificial choice to put another person’s needs ahead of our own. And that matters whether we’re dealing with tension in a marriage, a difficult family relationship, division in the church, or someone whose views are completely different from ours. 

Chip also gets personal, sharing how this understanding of love helped transform a deeply difficult season in his own marriage. The breakthrough came when he stopped focusing on how his wife needed to change and started asking what he could do differently. As Chip puts it, you can’t control another person—but you can change your part of the relationship. 

You’ll also hear why loving action sometimes has to come before loving feelings, why humility and servanthood are so important, and three practical ways to become a more loving person: declare war on selfishness, attack the pride underneath it, and intentionally practice humility by putting others’ needs ahead of your own. 

In this episode: 
Why biblical love is much more than a feeling 
The difference between agape love and romantic, friendship, and family love 
What Philippians 2 teaches us about loving like Jesus 
Why waiting until you feel loving can keep you stuck 
How choosing obedience can begin changing our hearts 
What Chip learned during a painful season in his own marriage 
Why you can’t control another person—but you can change your part of the relationship 
How selfishness and pride undermine love 
Three practical choices that can help us become more loving 
How Christians can pursue love and unity in a deeply divided culture 
Why the mindset “I am second” can change the way we approach everyday relationships 

Resources mentioned: 

Book: I Choose Love by Chip Ingram 

Living on the Edge: livingontheedge.org 

Also mentioned: Good to Great in God’s Eyes by Chip Ingram 

What if love isn&rsquo;t primarily something you feel&mdash;or something you have to wait for&mdash;but something you can choose?&nbsp;
In this episode of&nbsp;I Wish You Could Hear This, Shaunti and Jeff sit down with pastor, author, and Bible teacher Chip Ingram to talk about his book&nbsp;I Choose Love&nbsp;and a radically practical way to understand biblical love.&nbsp;
Chip explains the difference between the feelings we associate with love and the&nbsp;agape&nbsp;love modeled by Jesus: a willful, sacrificial choice to put another person&rsquo;s needs ahead of our own. And that matters whether&nbsp;we&rsquo;re&nbsp;dealing with tension in a marriage, a difficult family relationship, division in the church, or someone whose views are completely different from ours.&nbsp;
Chip also gets personal, sharing how this understanding of love helped transform a deeply difficult season in his own marriage.&nbsp;The breakthrough came when he stopped focusing on how his wife needed to change and started asking what&nbsp;he&nbsp;could do differently.&nbsp;As Chip puts it, you&nbsp;can&rsquo;t&nbsp;control another person&mdash;but you can change your part of the relationship.&nbsp;
You&rsquo;ll also hear why loving action sometimes has to come&nbsp;before&nbsp;loving feelings, why humility and servanthood are so important, and three practical ways to become a more loving person: declare war on selfishness, attack the pride underneath it, and intentionally practice humility by putting others&rsquo; needs ahead of your own.&nbsp;
In this episode:&nbsp;
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="1" data-aria-level="1">Why biblical love is much more than a feeling&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="2" data-aria-level="1">The difference between&nbsp;agape&nbsp;love and romantic, friendship, and family love&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="3" data-aria-level="1">What Philippians 2 teaches us about loving like Jesus&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="4" data-aria-level="1">Why waiting until you&nbsp;feel&nbsp;loving can keep you stuck&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="5" data-aria-level="1">How choosing obedience can begin changing our hearts&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="6" data-aria-level="1">What Chip learned during a painful season in his own marriage&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="7" data-aria-level="1">Why you&nbsp;can&rsquo;t&nbsp;control another person&mdash;but you can change your part of the relationship&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="8" data-aria-level="1">How selfishness and pride undermine love&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="9" data-aria-level="1">Three practical choices that can help us become more loving&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="10" data-aria-level="1">How Christians can pursue love and unity in a deeply divided culture&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="11" data-aria-level="1">Why the mindset&nbsp;&ldquo;I am second&rdquo;&nbsp;can change the way we approach everyday relationships&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
Resources mentioned:&nbsp;
Book:&nbsp;<a href="https://a.co/d/0bbBXM2m">I Choose Love</a>&nbsp;by Chip Ingram&nbsp;
Living on the Edge:&nbsp;<a href="https://livingontheedge.org/">livingontheedge.org</a>&nbsp;
Also mentioned:&nbsp;<a href="https://a.co/d/020ZuSn9">Good to Great in God&rsquo;s Eyes&nbsp;</a>by Chip Ingram&nbsp;

How to Love Someone When You Don’t Feel Like It, with Chip Ingram Episode 48 

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/5e27a451-e6e6-4c51-aa03-a7370003783c/clips/c5073a0d-d4ed-4141-9b95-b4b1000887d3/transcript

Boys today are growing up surrounded by confusing messages about masculinity and what it means to be a man. So how can parents help their sons develop a healthy, confident understanding of who God created them to be? 

Shaunti and Jeff talk with Molly DeFrank, mom of six and author of Mothering Boys: 8 Things Your Son Needs to Hear from You Before He Turns 10. Together, they explore the powerful role parents—and especially moms—play in shaping a boy’s identity, character, confidence, and understanding of masculinity. 

You’ll hear practical ways to speak life into your son, recognize the unique strengths God has given him, and help him grow into a godly man of courage and character. 

Boys today are growing up surrounded by confusing messages about masculinity and what it means to be a man. So how can parents help their sons develop a healthy, confident understanding of who God created them to be?&nbsp;
Shaunti and Jeff talk with Molly DeFrank, mom of six and author of&nbsp;Mothering Boys: 8 Things Your Son Needs to Hear from You Before He Turns 10. Together, they explore the powerful&nbsp;role&nbsp;parents&mdash;and especially moms&mdash;play in shaping a boy&rsquo;s identity, character, confidence, and understanding of masculinity.&nbsp;
You&rsquo;ll&nbsp;hear practical ways to speak life into your son, recognize the unique strengths God has given him, and help him grow into a godly man of courage and character.&nbsp;

What Your Son Needs to Hear From You, with Molly DeFrank: Episode 47

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/5e27a451-e6e6-4c51-aa03-a7370003783c/clips/0eadccc2-8602-4dde-aba0-b49f01172abc/transcript

Navigating the Open Windows of Communication - Episode 36

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