What if love isn’t primarily something you feel—or something you have to wait for—but something you can choose? 

In this episode of I Wish You Could Hear This, Shaunti and Jeff sit down with pastor, author, and Bible teacher Chip Ingram to talk about his book I Choose Love and a radically practical way to understand biblical love. 

Chip explains the difference between the feelings we associate with love and the agape love modeled by Jesus: a willful, sacrificial choice to put another person’s needs ahead of our own. And that matters whether we’re dealing with tension in a marriage, a difficult family relationship, division in the church, or someone whose views are completely different from ours. 

Chip also gets personal, sharing how this understanding of love helped transform a deeply difficult season in his own marriage. The breakthrough came when he stopped focusing on how his wife needed to change and started asking what he could do differently. As Chip puts it, you can’t control another person—but you can change your part of the relationship. 

You’ll also hear why loving action sometimes has to come before loving feelings, why humility and servanthood are so important, and three practical ways to become a more loving person: declare war on selfishness, attack the pride underneath it, and intentionally practice humility by putting others’ needs ahead of your own. 

In this episode: 

• Why biblical love is much more than a feeling 

• The difference between agape love and romantic, friendship, and family love 

• What Philippians 2 teaches us about loving like Jesus 

• Why waiting until you feel loving can keep you stuck 

• How choosing obedience can begin changing our hearts 

• What Chip learned during a painful season in his own marriage 

• Why you can’t control another person—but you can change your part of the relationship 

• How selfishness and pride undermine love 

• Three practical choices that can help us become more loving 

• How Christians can pursue love and unity in a deeply divided culture 

• Why the mindset “I am second” can change the way we approach everyday relationships 

Resources mentioned: 

Book: I Choose Love by Chip Ingram 

Living on the Edge: livingontheedge.org 

Also mentioned: Good to Great in God’s Eyes by Chip Ingram