Summary:

In this insightful episode, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn sit down with Dr. Gary Chapman, renowned author of The Five Love Languages and The Five Languages of Apology. Together, they explore how understanding both love and apology languages can radically improve relationships. Dr. Chapman unpacks the five core ways people express and receive love—and explains how offering sincere, well-matched apologies can be just as vital to healing and connection. The conversation highlights the power of empathy, emotional communication, and forgiveness in maintaining strong, healthy relationships. Whether you're married, dating, or simply want to love others well, this episode offers powerful tools to deepen your relational bonds.

Links and Resources:

www.5lovelanguages.com

The Five Languages of Apology

Summary:
In this insightful episode, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn sit down with Dr. Gary Chapman, renowned author of&nbsp;The Five Love Languages and The Five Languages of Apology. Together, they explore how understanding both love and apology languages can radically improve relationships. Dr. Chapman unpacks the five core ways people express and receive love&mdash;and explains how offering sincere, well-matched apologies can be just as vital to healing and connection. The conversation highlights the power of empathy, emotional communication, and forgiveness in maintaining strong, healthy relationships. Whether you're married, dating, or simply want to love others well, this episode offers powerful tools to deepen your relational bonds.
Links and Resources:
<a href="http://www.5lovelanguages.com">www.5lovelanguages.com</a>
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Apology-Languages-Secret-Healthy-Relationships/dp/080242869X/?tag=shaunticom-20">The Five Languages of Apology</a>

Relationship tripwires. Mental health puzzles. Confusing work dynamics. You’re not the only one scratching your head. But now you have a secret decoder ring! Each episode of I Wish You Could Hear This is packed with proven, simple, and surprising secrets that help you thrive in life, faith, and relationships. Researchers Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn have spent decades interviewing and surveying more than 40,000 people to identify the little things that make a big difference in our lives. They’re Harvard-educated, Christian authors and speakers who also happen to be happily married, analytically minded, and a whole lot of fun! Join them and their guests for real stories, real help, and real hope.

I Wish You Could Hear This

Relationship tripwires. Mental health puzzles. Confusing work dynamics. You&rsquo;re not the only one scratching your head. But now you have a secret decoder ring! Each episode of I Wish You Could Hear This is packed with proven, simple, and surprising secrets that help you thrive in life, faith, and relationships. Researchers Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn have spent decades interviewing and surveying more than 40,000 people to identify the little things that make a big difference in our lives. They&rsquo;re Harvard-educated, Christian authors and speakers who also happen to be happily married, analytically minded, and a whole lot of fun! Join them and their guests for real stories, real help, and real hope.

Episode 31: The Five Languages of Apology, with Dr. Gary Chapman

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/5e27a451-e6e6-4c51-aa03-a7370003783c/clips/1b4b0415-bb3a-480d-80c9-b3ca010663e8/transcript

AI has become part of everyday life for most of us. We use it to answer questions, solve problems, brainstorm ideas—and sometimes even help us navigate our relationships. But could all that interaction with AI be changing us in ways we don’t realize?

In this episode, Shaunti and Jeff take a fascinating look at what can happen when we get used to an AI that is always affirming, always available, and always ready with an answer. Could that make us a little less patient when our spouse pushes back? Could it make us more likely to avoid hard conversations? Could it even change what we expect when we go to God for answers?

They also talk about why the normal “friction” of real relationships is actually important, how to keep our relationship muscles from getting weak, and a few practical ways we can use AI wisely—while still choosing the patience, humility, honesty, and genuine affirmation that our real relationships need.

AI isn’t going away—and it can be an incredibly useful tool. But as it becomes a bigger part of our everyday lives, we need to be intentional about making sure it helps us without quietly changing what we expect from the people we love—or from God.

Resources

Why I Told My Chatbot to Stop Kissing Up to Me: AI responses are often too agreeable, too enthusiastic and too dramatic. And it’s partially our fault.

By Nicole Nguyen, Aug. 16, 2026

https://www.wsj.com/tech/ai/why-i-told-my-chatbot-to-stop-kissing-up-to-me-62cea3fa?st=qc45KP&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink

How to Make ChatGPT Challenge You More
    Open ChatGPT and click your profile icon.
    Go to Personalization.
    Under Base style and tone, choose Candid. This makes ChatGPT more direct and more likely to point out gaps, risks, and trade-offs.
    Still under Personalization, open Custom Instructions and make sure customization is turned on.
    Add an instruction like: “Don’t automatically agree with me or affirm my assumptions. Act as a thoughtful critical-thinking partner. If you think I’m overlooking something, tell me. Challenge weak reasoning, point out alternative explanations, and ask clarifying or probing questions when they would help me think more carefully. Prioritize accuracy and honesty over making me feel validated.”
    Save your changes. These preferences will then influence your conversations with ChatGPT, including existing chats.

 

Note: You can also adjust Characteristics under Personalization to fine-tune things like warmth and enthusiasm, although the Custom Instruction is the more important piece for getting ChatGPT to actually push back on your thinking.

AI has become part of everyday life for most of us. We use it to answer questions, solve problems, brainstorm ideas&mdash;and sometimes even help us navigate our relationships. But could all that interaction with AI be changing us in ways we don&rsquo;t realize?
In this episode, Shaunti and Jeff take a fascinating look at what can happen when we get used to an AI that is always affirming, always available, and always ready with an answer. Could that make us a little less patient when our spouse pushes back? Could it make us more likely to avoid hard conversations? Could it even change what we expect when we go to God for answers?
They also talk about why the normal &ldquo;friction&rdquo; of real relationships is actually important, how to keep our relationship muscles from getting weak, and a few practical ways we can use AI wisely&mdash;while still choosing the patience, humility, honesty, and genuine affirmation that our real relationships need.
AI isn&rsquo;t going away&mdash;and it can be an incredibly useful tool. But as it becomes a bigger part of our everyday lives, we need to be intentional about making sure it helps us without quietly changing what we expect from the people we love&mdash;or from God.
Resources
Why I Told My Chatbot to Stop Kissing Up to Me: AI responses are often too agreeable, too enthusiastic and too dramatic. And it&rsquo;s partially our fault.
By Nicole Nguyen, Aug. 16, 2026
<a href="https://www.wsj.com/tech/ai/why-i-told-my-chatbot-to-stop-kissing-up-to-me-62cea3fa?st=qc45KP&amp;reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink">https://www.wsj.com/tech/ai/why-i-told-my-chatbot-to-stop-kissing-up-to-me-62cea3fa?st=qc45KP&amp;reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink</a>
How to Make ChatGPT Challenge You More
<ol>
<li>&nbsp; &nbsp; Open ChatGPT and click your profile icon.</li>
<li>&nbsp; &nbsp; Go to Personalization.</li>
<li>&nbsp; &nbsp; Under Base style and tone, choose Candid. This makes ChatGPT more direct and more likely to point out gaps, risks, and trade-offs.</li>
<li>&nbsp; &nbsp; Still under Personalization, open Custom Instructions and make sure customization is turned on.</li>
<li>&nbsp; &nbsp; Add an instruction like: &ldquo;Don&rsquo;t automatically agree with me or affirm my assumptions. Act as a thoughtful critical-thinking partner. If you think I&rsquo;m overlooking something, tell me. Challenge weak reasoning, point out alternative explanations, and ask clarifying or probing questions when they would help me think more carefully. Prioritize accuracy and honesty over making me feel validated.&rdquo;</li>
<li>&nbsp; &nbsp; Save your changes. These preferences will then influence your conversations with ChatGPT, including existing chats.</li>
</ol>
&nbsp;
Note: You can also adjust Characteristics under Personalization to fine-tune things like warmth and enthusiasm, although the Custom Instruction is the more important piece for getting ChatGPT to actually push back on your thinking.

How AI Is Impacting Your Relationships (And You May Not Even Be Realizing It) - Episode 50

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/5e27a451-e6e6-4c51-aa03-a7370003783c/clips/3576d17a-4055-40c2-a27b-b4c7014fe91e/transcript

Rebuilding trust after infidelity—or any serious betrayal—can feel impossible. How do you begin trusting someone again when that trust has been completely shattered?

In this episode, Shaunti and Jeff sit down with longtime friends Mark and Jill Savage, authors, speakers, and marriage coaches who know this journey firsthand. They share the story of the affair that nearly ended their marriage, the moment everything began to change, and the long process of rebuilding what had been broken.

Mark and Jill explain why trust isn't restored with one apology or promise to change. Instead, it comes back through consistent changed behavior over time—what they describe as rebuilding trust "one tablespoon at a time." They share practical examples of what honesty, transparency, accountability, and compassion looked like in their own recovery, as well as the role faith, humility, and grief played in their healing.

For anyone facing infidelity or another serious breach of trust, this conversation offers practical steps for moving forward—and hope that even when a marriage feels beyond repair, the story may not be over yet.

This Episode's Key Topics
Mark and Jill Savage's personal story of infidelity and recovery
The turning point that began the healing of their marriage
Why rebuilding trust requires consistent changed behavior over time
The "Trust Bathtub" and rebuilding trust one tablespoon at a time
The importance of honesty, transparency, and proactive accountability
Taking responsibility for betrayal without shifting blame
The role of grief, humility, and faith in the healing process
Hope for couples who feel like their marriage may be beyond repair

Resources

Mark and Jill Savage:markandjill.org
No More Perfect Podcast:podcast.nomoreperfect.com
Free Rebuilding Trust Guide:rebuildingtrust.us

Connect with Mark and Jill

Instagram:@jillsavage.author
Facebook:@jillsavage.author

Rebuilding trust after infidelity&mdash;or any serious betrayal&mdash;can feel impossible. How do you begin trusting someone again when that trust has been completely shattered?
In this episode, Shaunti and Jeff sit down with longtime friends Mark and Jill Savage, authors, speakers, and marriage coaches who know this journey firsthand. They share the story of the affair that nearly ended their marriage, the moment everything began to change, and the long process of rebuilding what had been broken.
Mark and Jill explain why trust isn't restored with one apology or promise to change. Instead, it comes back through consistent changed behavior over time&mdash;what they describe as rebuilding trust "one tablespoon at a time." They share practical examples of what honesty, transparency, accountability, and compassion looked like in their own recovery, as well as the role faith, humility, and grief played in their healing.
For anyone facing infidelity or another serious breach of trust, this conversation offers practical steps for moving forward&mdash;and hope that even when a marriage feels beyond repair, the story may not be over yet.
This Episode's Key Topics
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Mark and Jill Savage's personal story of infidelity and recovery</li>
<li aria-level="1">The turning point that began the healing of their marriage</li>
<li aria-level="1">Why rebuilding trust requires consistent changed behavior over time</li>
<li aria-level="1">The "Trust Bathtub" and rebuilding trust one tablespoon at a time</li>
<li aria-level="1">The importance of honesty, transparency, and proactive accountability</li>
<li aria-level="1">Taking responsibility for betrayal without shifting blame</li>
<li aria-level="1">The role of grief, humility, and faith in the healing process</li>
<li aria-level="1">Hope for couples who feel like their marriage may be beyond repair</li>
</ul>
Resources
Mark and Jill Savage: <a href="https://www.markandjill.org">markandjill.org</a> No More Perfect Podcast: <a href="https://podcast.nomoreperfect.com">podcast.nomoreperfect.com</a> Free Rebuilding Trust Guide: <a href="https://rebuildingtrust.us">rebuildingtrust.us</a>
Connect with Mark and Jill
Instagram: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/jillsavage.author">@jillsavage.author</a> Facebook: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/jillsavage.author">@jillsavage.author</a>

How to Rebuild Trust After Betrayal in Your Marriage, with Mark and Jill Savage - Episode 49

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/5e27a451-e6e6-4c51-aa03-a7370003783c/clips/7dec88f4-9e83-4dae-a379-b4be00179053/transcript

What if love isn’t primarily something you feel—or something you have to wait for—but something you can choose? 

In this episode of I Wish You Could Hear This, Shaunti and Jeff sit down with pastor, author, and Bible teacher Chip Ingram to talk about his book I Choose Love and a radically practical way to understand biblical love. 

Chip explains the difference between the feelings we associate with love and the agape love modeled by Jesus: a willful, sacrificial choice to put another person’s needs ahead of our own. And that matters whether we’re dealing with tension in a marriage, a difficult family relationship, division in the church, or someone whose views are completely different from ours. 

Chip also gets personal, sharing how this understanding of love helped transform a deeply difficult season in his own marriage. The breakthrough came when he stopped focusing on how his wife needed to change and started asking what he could do differently. As Chip puts it, you can’t control another person—but you can change your part of the relationship. 

You’ll also hear why loving action sometimes has to come before loving feelings, why humility and servanthood are so important, and three practical ways to become a more loving person: declare war on selfishness, attack the pride underneath it, and intentionally practice humility by putting others’ needs ahead of your own. 

In this episode: 
Why biblical love is much more than a feeling 
The difference between agape love and romantic, friendship, and family love 
What Philippians 2 teaches us about loving like Jesus 
Why waiting until you feel loving can keep you stuck 
How choosing obedience can begin changing our hearts 
What Chip learned during a painful season in his own marriage 
Why you can’t control another person—but you can change your part of the relationship 
How selfishness and pride undermine love 
Three practical choices that can help us become more loving 
How Christians can pursue love and unity in a deeply divided culture 
Why the mindset “I am second” can change the way we approach everyday relationships 

Resources mentioned: 

Book: I Choose Love by Chip Ingram 

Living on the Edge: livingontheedge.org 

Also mentioned: Good to Great in God’s Eyes by Chip Ingram 

What if love isn&rsquo;t primarily something you feel&mdash;or something you have to wait for&mdash;but something you can choose?&nbsp;
In this episode of&nbsp;I Wish You Could Hear This, Shaunti and Jeff sit down with pastor, author, and Bible teacher Chip Ingram to talk about his book&nbsp;I Choose Love&nbsp;and a radically practical way to understand biblical love.&nbsp;
Chip explains the difference between the feelings we associate with love and the&nbsp;agape&nbsp;love modeled by Jesus: a willful, sacrificial choice to put another person&rsquo;s needs ahead of our own. And that matters whether&nbsp;we&rsquo;re&nbsp;dealing with tension in a marriage, a difficult family relationship, division in the church, or someone whose views are completely different from ours.&nbsp;
Chip also gets personal, sharing how this understanding of love helped transform a deeply difficult season in his own marriage.&nbsp;The breakthrough came when he stopped focusing on how his wife needed to change and started asking what&nbsp;he&nbsp;could do differently.&nbsp;As Chip puts it, you&nbsp;can&rsquo;t&nbsp;control another person&mdash;but you can change your part of the relationship.&nbsp;
You&rsquo;ll also hear why loving action sometimes has to come&nbsp;before&nbsp;loving feelings, why humility and servanthood are so important, and three practical ways to become a more loving person: declare war on selfishness, attack the pride underneath it, and intentionally practice humility by putting others&rsquo; needs ahead of your own.&nbsp;
In this episode:&nbsp;
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="1" data-aria-level="1">Why biblical love is much more than a feeling&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="2" data-aria-level="1">The difference between&nbsp;agape&nbsp;love and romantic, friendship, and family love&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="3" data-aria-level="1">What Philippians 2 teaches us about loving like Jesus&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="4" data-aria-level="1">Why waiting until you&nbsp;feel&nbsp;loving can keep you stuck&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="5" data-aria-level="1">How choosing obedience can begin changing our hearts&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="6" data-aria-level="1">What Chip learned during a painful season in his own marriage&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="7" data-aria-level="1">Why you&nbsp;can&rsquo;t&nbsp;control another person&mdash;but you can change your part of the relationship&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="8" data-aria-level="1">How selfishness and pride undermine love&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="9" data-aria-level="1">Three practical choices that can help us become more loving&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="10" data-aria-level="1">How Christians can pursue love and unity in a deeply divided culture&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-setsize="-1" data-leveltext="" data-font="Symbol" data-listid="1" data-list-defn-props="{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}" data-aria-posinset="11" data-aria-level="1">Why the mindset&nbsp;&ldquo;I am second&rdquo;&nbsp;can change the way we approach everyday relationships&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
Resources mentioned:&nbsp;
Book:&nbsp;<a href="https://a.co/d/0bbBXM2m">I Choose Love</a>&nbsp;by Chip Ingram&nbsp;
Living on the Edge:&nbsp;<a href="https://livingontheedge.org/">livingontheedge.org</a>&nbsp;
Also mentioned:&nbsp;<a href="https://a.co/d/020ZuSn9">Good to Great in God&rsquo;s Eyes&nbsp;</a>by Chip Ingram&nbsp;

How to Love Someone When You Don’t Feel Like It, with Chip Ingram Episode 48 

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/5e27a451-e6e6-4c51-aa03-a7370003783c/clips/c5073a0d-d4ed-4141-9b95-b4b1000887d3/transcript

Episode 31: The Five Languages of Apology, with Dr. Gary Chapman

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