I Do, Part 2Sex and dating after 50, it’s time to talk about menopause baby! Not only does your outlook change in your second chapter...but so does your body.
Cheryl Burke is getting a master class from journalist turned menopause activist Tamsen Fadal on how she found love in her "I Do Part 2" era and navigated menopause in her relationship.
Email us at: IDOPOD@iheartradio.com or call us at 844-4-I Do Pod (844-443-6763)
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It's I Do Part two.
I'm Cheryl Burke, one of your celebrity mentors here on the podcast, and today I'm excited because I'm going to chat with someone who has successfully found love again in their chapter two. She's an award winning journalist, author of How To Metopause, women's health advocate, and host of her own podcast, The Tampson Show. Everyone, please welcome Tampson Fidel to the podcast.
Thank you. So you're in your I Do Part two.
I am, and I do think it's going well.
I like it.
I like it.
It's going well.
Let's go back to the I Do Part one first though, So we did that one.
I'm also divorced, and I am.
I would say maybe heading that direction to that part two part of things, but I'm not dating, nor do I have any interest, So I don't know if I'm heading that direction. But right now I'm dating myself. How so your first marriage, you guys worked together, you were matchmakers? Say more yes, yeah, uh, there was there was a lot to say.
Yeah, you know, I met my first husband and I was at an age where I'm like, oh my gosh, I have to I have to like hustle this up and get married, like, you know, because then I thought there was this real critical timeline. I kind of had a hit and I was a little bit older than the regular timeline, and so I met him and it was just like kind of fast and furious, and now we call it maybe love bombing. But then I was like, he must love me a lot. So we got together. We had started a business. We had moved to New York. I was at the time working as a news anchor, and then he was working this business at matchmaking business called the Love Consultants, and we were we were having a great time. You know, we were setting people up, we were you know, socializing, we were it was. It was wonderful for a while, and then you know, it just I think you realize in some at some point like wow, I feel feel very lonely in this place. And that's what happened to me. And I was like, this is not working. And I'm scared now to admit that, like this is not working, because now I have failed. And so that was very worrisome to me for a long time. Eventually it came to a place where, you know, divorce was the only option, and I went through that and I thought to myself. I'm my gosh, I'm embarrassed. I'm ashamed now I look back and I was like, what was wrong with you? This didn't work out and it's okay. And it really took my father coming to New York visiting me and we took a long walk in the village one day and he was like, it's okay. You don't always have to win and everything like, it's okay, that's where it is right now. And I felt like it gave me a little bit of grace and I left that relationship and I was like, I'm never getting married again. I'm never falling in love again. I never never, never. And then you know, fast forward ten years later, and so ten years to go. For ten years, I was I went through the divorce separation. I was forty one, so it was about it was forty actually was the separation. So I started forty and I got married again at the age of fifty. And even then I was a little like, oh, am I allowed to wear white? Am I allowed to wear a pretty dress? Can I have a big wedding? And then I was like, you know what, I'm doing all those things and so it's been pretty amazing, but I really did have that in my mind, like, I'm never doing that again.
When you were single, was it like, oh I feel so lonely or were you thriving?
I did both, you know, I did both. So I always had remembered my dad had said He's given me a lot of these one liners that i'd lived by.
I love your dad.
He's pretty amazing. He's eighty five right now, and he's just he's gone through so much. You know, he lost my mother when they were you know, at a young age, when he was young, and then he lost my stepmother about three years ago. But to watch how he deals with grief and then moves forward has just been an incredible part of my life. But he had said to me, it's better to be alone than lonely with somebody, and that was what was happening. I was lonely with somebody. And so when I left that marriage, I had, you know, some of those tough times. I was like, oh gosh, this is awful. I feel like I failed. I'm never going to meet anybody. Everybody's coupled up, everyone's having children, and so I went through a lot of that struggle for a long time, like why didn't it work for me. And then I got to about my mid forties, forty four a few years in of eating pizza with my two chuhuahuas on the couch on Friday nights, and I was like, I was so it was great. Where's on Netflix, guys? I don't know what I was watching, but Blockbuster?
I remember Blockbuster.
I was probably renting a movie. But you know, I got to a place where I'm like, Okay, I can go out there and enjoy dating again or at least have fun, but I'm never going to get married again. And that's really what I thought, and I.
Posted at yeah, I just getting married, it's just the probably I should date, like this is my yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah but that's good. How long how long since the divorced? Like?
How long?
So it's been almost three and a half of yours? All right, Well that's good.
But like I've been, I was a serial dater prior to my marriage, meaning like I wasn't single from age thirteen till now forty or no since we separated, so thirty seven.
Yeah, is this the first time that you've been Oh yeah, yeah, I.
Ghosted everyone like I'm no longer in Los Angeles like it's me and my frenchie. Yeah, and when I have at least well Netflix and my addiction to productivity. I'm an addict as well. I've been sober for six years, but like it is an addiction, you.
Know, just not makes of course.
But of course, going.
Back to your first marriage, how did do you believe that working together was one of many issues?
Definitely one of one of many issues. Here's what I think the big issue was. I think that I didn't realize how important it was to not just have that initial spark, but to also be able to want to walk the world with somebody. And that's how I feel about my husband now, Like I want to walk the world with him and so whatever that means to anybody else, but to me, it means like this, this is a person I want by my side. And I think then when I got married that first time, and we were grinding, you know, we were like, oh my gosh, we got our job and as as long as this works out and that works out, and we did a reality show together and we did a book together, and what defines success in that relationship was very different than what I have defined success now. But working together was hard. It was hard to shut it off, you know, because we did a lot of it out of the apartment in New York, which we all know we're not a big apartment, and that was difficult, you know, it was. And then I also think what was difficult is I didn't know. I knew my value system, but I didn't know what was really important to me because I had worked so much, like my hustle was always my job. I worked in TV news for a very long time whole career, and television news is, you know, twenty four to seven. You're kind of on and you're always worried about the next job and the next job and the success of it all. And that's what my focus was. And so when it came time to you know, that I was getting married, I was like, yeah, I think this is the right person and we would have fun together and sounds good. I just didn't realize all the other nuances that you really have to pay attention to during that time. And if I look now, I'm like, wow, I can't even imagine Tamson today could ever ever gone into a marriage like that. And so I didn't blame myself then, but I was very aware of what I never wanted to do again.
And are you do you? Are you therapy or did you?
Or do a lot?
So therapy was a big part of it, taking care of that mental part and really understanding here's what I needed to understand in therapy, why did I do that? Like? Why did I?
Why?
Why did I put up with that for so long? So you know, I was in a relationship that really had become abusive and there were pink flags and not quite read yet and I would look around, I'd be like, Okay, this is a problem, but maybe there's a reason for it, and this is probably a problem, but we can talk that one away. And I and now going back and looking at it, I was like, wow, why did you talk yourself into that? Not out of it, into it?
You're not alone?
Yeah, and I did that, And that was what I had to grapple with in therapy, like why did I talk myself into something that probably at the core I knew was inherently wrong for me?
Yeah, thanks for being so vulnerable.
I can totally relate, and yeah, I will be in forever therapy. I was in therapy since I was born till I die, Like it's just so helpful for me just to put a language to it my feelings, because it's really like you, you know, I'm addicted to work and it's just another uh form of a drug. Yeah, that's just more h I guess accepted in society today.
Rights, it's cheered on, it's revered in some cases.
Are kidding given And if you go on vacation, you're.
Just lazy, like yeah, out for a little while.
So selfish, Yeah, so selfish.
You really need that time, you're You're right, But I really do the therapy change everything for me. I had an eating disorder when I was younger, and I started therapy in my mid twenties, and so that was always something that really helped me through obviously really difficult places. But now it's not an on off. Now it's an on and that's what I do. It's not a question of should I or shouldn't I. It's that's a part of my life and I don't think about it. I just do it. Yeah, And it's it's having a language to things is important, having an understanding of it at the core, because it's not just that one thing. It relates to some of the other areas of your life, and so you're able to deal with things, I think in a different way, proactively just being aware of it, just awareness.
And sometimes it's like the AA program. It's like one step at a time, one minute, one sometimes one minute, sometimes a one day.
It just depends on the day. It's a daily practice.
It is, and it's it's what my father told me about grief. I said, how did you you deal with this? Like you've dealt with so much? And he said, it's one day at a time. It like that is it. It's not what happens in a week and what happens in a month and what happens in a year, and why aren't we here?
All we have is now, right, That's what.
We have and I and I think it's a precious lesson that a lot of us are learning. I think that I also think we have to be appreciative for this day.
You know.
I'm sure you're the same way. I was like, someday I'll go on vacation someday, all someday, someday, someday all. And I was like, oh, this is someday.
This is your day.
We're in someday right now, and we have to remember that. And if we don't remember somebody needs to be around us that reminds.
Us for sure, for sure. I mean it just like that, you know, just like just like that. Wow.
Okay, So now moving into first of all, congratulations on your book, and I'm halfway through it, as I told you prior to this interview, and your Good Morning America interview is amazing.
Is it weird to be on the other side now?
It's so funny. You ask me that the teleprompter had like something about a fire in it.
Were you about to read it?
I was like, Oh my gosh, should I be doing something like? I think? I got like this feeling of like I think, does anybody you want me to take this? And I was like, oh no, no, You're here for your menopause book, not for the breaking news fire. But it's such an automatic, you know, reaction to things.
So many of your older colleagues interviewed you.
Yeah, yes, two of them did. I actually went back to my old station where the first incident happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I worked at a television station in New York City WPIX for about fifteen years, and one night in twenty nineteen, I was anchoring the news like I did every other night, and it was the ten o'clock newscast. It was live. All of a sudden, I got what I now understood to be a hot flash, and then I didn't know. I didn't have the language, heart racing out of control, felt like I was going to fall over the lights, making it even worse to hear my heartbeat like in my ear, and I said, I gotta get off the sets. I was let off the set. A coworker realized what was going on, and I just went down to the bathroom floor in the lady's room, and I got up like fifteen minutes later. One of my coworkers was putting like little packs on my head of cold water. It was two guys, you know, because it was mostly guys at night. So they're like, can we come into the bathroom and help you? And I'm like, yeah, I'm so embarrassed. So anyway, so fast forward. So that happened, and that's how I realized I was in menopause, because I wound up going to a doctor doing some blood work, not knowing it was menopause. I was like, is it anxiety? I was given antidepressants. It was all these things, And it turns out I got them a note of my patient portal that said in menopause, any questions and that was it. That was in my patient portal forwards that started me on this journey. So I went back to the television. I left my job about a year and a half ago to full time advocate for women and women's health work on a documentary that was released about six months ago on PBS called The M Factor, Shredding the Silence on Menopause. It's not been seen in over forty two countries, and so I know the need. I always knew the need was there. Once I started on this journey, I had no idea what that would bring me, you know, seeing women be helped. And so I wound up going back to the television station where that happened earlier this week, and it was I don't know, it was just.
I feel right though it did.
It felt so right, thank you, It felt like wow, I because I was so scared when I stepped away from my job. My job was everything. I get it, and I was afraid that I would be irrelevant and that I'd work so hard. What am I doing? And I'm afraid? And I just had a lot of a lot of fear, you know, wrapped up in like my identity with that sure and so yeah, I went in and it was like that appearance for me. It was great for you know whatever to talk about it, but it was for me it was reassuring that like I made the right decision. It really it told me it was all okay, wow, yeah I can.
I'm like have chills because it's the same thing when you know, I was on Dancing with the Stars for so many years.
It's like, yeah, I know you yeah, now what.
It's a very scary thing, but you know it's had to be done even if there is like now what, and maybe I don't have the exact answer, but it's like, that's okay.
I didn't you know, I didn't know exactly what I was going to do. All I knew you didn't set up. I mean, I knew I was working on the documentary, but we had gotten so many no's. We had no idea where it was going to be going to yourself. I did convest in myself with it for you, with the group of women I was working with you and yeah, and then we had some people come, you know, come after and help with some different parts of the doc But yeah, we put our own money into it. We were told there was no interest in a in a documentary about menopause, and there was. It was a niche audience. One billion women by the way, or a menopause as of this year, so not to niche. And yeah, no, I really didn't know where the path was going to go. So and even if you do, I think it's scary. Like I don't ever think that we walk away from something that it is the only thing forever. Nothing is forever, and we think it is when we're young, you know, we think it is. And so I think that that's a lesson I've learned. And I've had to learn how to like be okay with you know, that movement, the unknown, to keep up at night. It's really scary. I can keep you up a lot of nights. And so even after I left, I was like, what the hell did I do? But now I know, like every woman I meet, every woman I talk to, every screening, I see every everybody that comes up and says like, look, I found a doctor. I walked away from the doctor that didn't help me. It helped me save my marriage. It helped every single one. I'm like there, there's the sign, there's the moment, there's the movement of women helping each other and helping each other, and so I like, really like not just that, not just like the hashtag, now like really sitting in a room with one hundred women or five women, you know, it's like it's like I never understood really what grass movements? You know, I understood them, I understood, but I never was part of anything like that. And and now I understand how that happens because there's such a need and an anger and an engagement and an action has to be taken.
Also, I think we're just so in a way built and it could be generational obviously that asking for help for me at least from you know, I was raised by a very i would say Filipino mother started her own company, you know, rags to riches story, and she never asked for help, you know. And when you are kind of observing hustle culture right in front of your eyes from when you're a little girl, that's all you know, you know.
That's that's that defines success. Yeah, So to undo all those things, that's what's hard. It's very hard.
Training.
Rewiring, Yeah, it's a rewiring and it's also being able to say like, this is how I'm going to do it, and this is everything is very different. The world is different now, right how what we're able to do someplace else? Like used to be how to live in New York or LA and that was it, right, That's not what it's like anymore. And so there's there's ways and different definitions of success. And look to me right now, success is a balance in my life. It's an understanding of what is important to get me up every morning. I loved my job, but I wouldn't say that I sprung out of bed every day and couldn't wait to go, you know, and hated to go to sleep at night. I would say that now I have. I've just realized that untapped, like whatever it was inside of me that I could never quite feel, you know, I couldn't feel like I loved what I was doing. People on the outside loved what I was doing. They they were like, are you crazy? You work so hard to get this job? Why would you leave this this? It was very hard, you know, it's I'm sure you know it's it's but wow, do I realize are you.
Are?
Just?
And I sometimes it felt like that you know, and I do think it's also this time in our lives as women when we look at this as forty and fifty and sixty, and we have been ingrained that like at this age, you know, oh boy, you know your your best years are behind you. And that's just bullshit, like that is not that is not it is not true in any way.
You're so right.
I get you're so filled by women that I see doing incredible and they have They're amazing, and so they I feel like I'm like kind of in that.
Like now you have purpose, you know, Like I'm not saying you didn't before. No, no, no, but but that must feel so different.
It feels so different. And somebody, when when I first started this conversation, they said to me, like, are you really going to talk about menopause? Like that is not a career. You know, that's not great for your career because age and youth were all the revered things for a long time. And so I really I was like, what, You're a woman telling me that? How are you saying that? But I knew that's what has been ingrained in our society for so long. Yeah, that's been ingrained. Is that our best years are behind us, and that we only matter if we're having children, and we've been ingrained with so many of these belief systems, and that if we ask for help that we're weak and if we don't suffer through it, or if you know somebody. I was just at an event and a woman got up and we were talking about solutions for menopause and perimenopause, and she said, how bad do I have to feel before I pull the trigger and take hormone therapy? And I said, how bad do I have to feel?
Like?
What's enough pain for me to go through before I decide to help myself? But that's what all of our words have been in our minds.
Yeah, and so especially with not a lot of education, I mean, like listening. I was listening to the audible version. I drove from La to Sarah Cisco the other day and I was just shocked and my jaw dropped to the floor of my car. And literally when you said that even doctors have zero education by.
Their own admission, by their own admissions, yeah, they're like I got two weeks one month.
And for the patient, it's kind of like, well, you know, I've always thought because I you know, I don't. I am not a doctor, obviously, but I got my I went through my menstrual cycle at age nine, and I'm still on birth control and I have been since I was sixteen seventeen, and I'm sexually active. I'm on birth control for other reasons. Sure, And I went into my yearly checkup. I went to go see a new opigo and because I moved, and when I asked her about paramedopause, She's like, I can't check because you're on birth control.
I'm like, what what do you mean you can't check? Like you need to check? Wait, what do you even need to check checking?
What are you checking to me?
Like?
Do I have to go inside me to check?
But no, Right, these are symptoms, symptoms, right, these symptoms, Like you can really put your hand up and say if I've got five of these symptoms, and here's what, here's what perimenopause is. Perimenopause is the time before menopause. That's what it is.
Right, period.
It's like you still have your period. In fact, as a matter of.
Fact, I haven't had mine for like ten years. But that's a choice because of mammos so bad of course, But.
I'm saying up till you know. Now, menopause is when you have, you know, twelve months without your cycle. But if you are dealing with I don't feel like myself anyway, that those words, If you are dealing with brain fog where you're in the middle of something and you stop being able to understand what it is and you're reaching for words. If you are the person that used to sleep at night and it was amazing and now you can't fall asleep or stay asleep. If you are dealing with a body that is changing, and you're eating the same and you're exercising, maybe even more, and you don't know why, joined pain and obviously a regular periods for some women, these are the symptoms of menopause. Estrogen receptors are all over our body. And if you are in that age range which is the average age of menopause, well yeah, the average age of menopause is fifty one. Back that up, so you strudgal with hormone fluctuations, that's basically what that means. It could be in your thirties, go right up into your forties. So if you just back up the timeline and say perimenopause or the years of four to seven to ten years, then it makes sense that in your late thirties into your forties, yes, you're most likely perimenopausal. Now the question is do you have symptoms that you need to have treated. So birth control obviously is you know you're not going to get pregnant with birth control, and that's also another form of birth control. But if you look at hormone therapy, which a lot of people question, it only has a third to a third to a fifth of the dose of what birth control has in terms of estrogen. So I'm not a doctor either, but I've learned all these facts because most doctors aren't talking about these things. And that's the reason I wrote the book. That's the reason I did the documentary because we're going into doctors asking for help, and a lot of them have not been trained and it's not their fault.
But like, I'm not going to look like until I read your book, but like I'm not going to go and go out of my way to find another obgn Like it's not necessarily because like, yes, I have symptoms, but I'm also a dancer. So do I have joint pain? Yes, from pushing celebrities around the dance floor. Absolutely, from pushing like football players.
Yeah, that don't move that.
I mean, of course I have arthritis, right, And then as far as sweats go, like yeah, I mean whenever I'm active.
I was always that dancer that.
Sweats, so never smelled, but I sweat and the symptom okay, okay, okay, But like, what if you're an athlete or retired athlete in my case, and how do you how do you know?
How do you know the difference between those I mean that is when you're looking at all those symptoms, and some of the symptoms are the bigger symptoms that we talk about. Right, it's not that enjoy pain, probably a perimenopause, but I would would look at that age of where you're at, but I would.
It makes sense, It totally makes sense.
It's just in all women. If you're lucky enough, we're going to go through it. I think what we said, if you're lucky enough, if you're lucky enough to live that long to go through it, yeah, right, If not, then you're not here. And so I think about those things all women, all women, all women.
If you're lucky enough, women, we need to stick together because this is something we all have in common.
Well, well, and I.
Think there are some great doctors out there that are really learning that they leave. You know, they're in practice, they're seeing patients every seven if seven minutes, third fifteen minutes with the patient. They're grinding all the time and then going their way to have to learn this now because they didn't learn this in medical sus often. And so I would say to somebody that has a doctor that's either dismissing saying it's all part of aging, saying you know, are you really suffering? Is it really that bad? That's not the doctor to be going to. It is finding another doctor. And there are so many great ones out there. There's a lot of telehealth companies out there too, that make it very very easy to jump on and get an appointment, because we know that it can be very difficult to leave your work, you know, put time aside to go see a doctor. Go find a doctor, but at least to kind of know where you are with that baseline. But there's not really a blood test that's going to tell you because during this time your hormones are going all over the place. If you're a menopause, there should be a blood test. I know, I wish I wish, But you know what, it makes sense because if you look at that, if you look at the chart, it just goes like this. So you can do your blood test here, blood test you and have so different different numbers. Now, once you get into menopause, if you decide you're doing estrogen and progesterone and testosterone. If you're doing testosterone, which I do as well, then there's a test because you want to make sure you have the right amount not too much.
Now do you do this when you're also on growth control?
Well, that depends. I don't know about testosterone with that. Yeah, yeah, that's sure. I'm a journalist, but I do think it's important for you to know that, and especially if you're not sleeping, If you're not sleeping, and that's a part of it progesting.
Sobriety though, has really that as soon as a big time, of course, I'm sure it has.
Yeah, I'm sure it has.
I wonder if I've always had problems sleeping. But then it was because I was so drunk that I would just pass out, you know.
And sciously and sciously yea, because because we were like just.
I was so exhausted because I was training dancing with the start like seven days a week, and then I would just go out seven nights a week, allroom dancer by day of course, club goer by night.
Girl. Yeah, I will tell you not having alcohol will be so helpful of not triggering other symptoms. And it's a really big deal because most women realize that they just can't drink anymore. Interesting, Yeah, it is. It is, just it's a very big differences of change, say asleep, it's a lot of change. And and so I think that what's interesting there this time is it really allows you to take a bit of a beat and say, like, Okay, I'm going to take care of this because this is going to be around for another third to half of my life and I have to really take care of it the right way.
That's the plan.
And uh okay, So moving on to your now marriage. Yes, and metopause. Yes, what was that like?
Well, you know, I didn't understand perimenopause when I was going through it. So I was having erratic, crazy periods, you know, bleeding through things left and right. No, not knowing what was going on. I had a dumetrium poll up. So I didn't also know that that hallmark of twelve months without a period, because I would be bleeding during that time. But I was dating my now husband then and we were actually standing in the airport not married, when I got that note in my patient portal in menopause questions, and I was like, I'm in menopause, Like, I don't know that any guy knows really what to say with that, you know, proclamation a flight. I don't know what to say about any of that. I didn't know what to say, but I will say that, you know, a lot of things changed and during that time, like libido was my libido was like not around. It was like m I A. And so the girl that like he met versus the girl that you know he married, it was different.
And so you're looking through this in your second Oh sure, okay.
I was fifty when we got married, and so I was like, Hi, here comes the menopausal bride. And that was really what, you know, what was going on. And so I had to learn about libido, learn about why it was that because it was a little scary. I was like, oh my god, I got married and now I have no I mean, I don't want to have sex. I don't want to think about sex. So don't come near me. And so I had to understand what that, you know, that was, and how communication played a role, and how vaginal estrogen plays a role, and how you know, painful sex is a real thing because you're you know, estrogen is all over your body and your tissues are getting thinner and it's painful. And so those are conversations that we have to be having way earlier than fifty years old. And so that's why I'm really on a mission to help women take charge of their health starting in their mid thirties or before that, so they know what to expect and it's not scary when they they share.
Teach us in school, because I mean we would have to.
They totally should.
Yeah, it's tart of sexual education. If there's even such a thing nowadays, I don't even we would.
Fallow off the timeline like it once more past reproductive years. We're not there anymore. And that's a real proude. That's a real problem.
Yeah, So as far as educating ourselves more, I guess what are the first steps, because like in my case, you know, is it to find someone that specializes in metopause As far as the doctor.
Goes, I think first and foremost is to educate yourself, right, It's really to educate yourself curious and being curious and asking the questions and knowing that you if you are a woman and you're listening to this and you're in your thirties or even in your twenty I mean any woman, but let's just say in your thirties, you can assume that very soon, in the next ten years, you're going to be in that perimenopausal period. It's not like, oh, I'm forty six, but when I'm forty seven, you're going to be in there, because those are the years leading up to menopause. The average age of menopause is fifty one, so most likely around that time, could it be fifty four? Sure, could it be forty nine. My case, it was forty eight years old. So understanding that, understanding what those symptoms are, and then understanding you kind of have a few options. You have hormonal or non hormonal solutions to them. The hormonal would be hormone therapy. The non hormonal there are supplements, There are lifestyle changes. There are different ways like if you want to do magnesium at night to help you sleep, if you want to make sure you up your protein. There's all those sometimes pesterone really to help me. Progesterone help me. Okay, you get the problem sleeping, then that is that is one of those sure signs, like that's who you should be.
You're not my therapist ongoing, But I there's this weird.
Thing that I take satisfaction in staying up when everyone's sleeping.
It's so weird.
That's okay, I get it. I get it. I used to take a dintisfaction in getting up in the morning early, and I was like, see, I have so succeeded now above everybody. I'm up four hours earlier than everybody.
I know. I don't know if I'm succeeded, but I'm like, I'm like, oh my god, there's it's quiet, like I can.
Actually get easily distracted. So yeah, that's just more work. That is like what work? You know though.
That's okay though, But I think educating yourself is so important. And here's why you have to educate yourself, so you know when you go into your doctor, whether or not your doctor is educated to talk to you about this, and so you know, in the book, that's what I go through. I go through understanding it educates you know what's going on, understanding the different symptoms. I hit the thirty four kind of big symptoms of it. There can be upwards of fifty to one hundred symptoms of menopause because estrogen is all over our body and we start to lose it during this time. That's what happens. Those hormones go down, and then I think it's important to know what kind of script that you need once you go into a doctor's office and either find a person that is educated about menopause or feels comfortable talking about it, because some doctors don't even feel comfortable talking about it.
I think also it's like what do we ask like as patients? And by the way, a lot if anyone's like me, which I know there are people that hate doctors to even get in there, like is a big deal. I'm not going to go researching for more doctors.
It is. Telehealth is a good one. You know, there's Mini Health, there is Alloy Health, there's Maven Health, and I appreciate those because that is what they do day in and day out, and so it's not that you have to going and go HI. Do you guys feel comfortable to your environment? Like, that is what they do.
Show me what you know about METAPO, that's what.
They do, and so I feel like that's that's a good way to do it. And I think it's important. And yes, you don't want to have to interview your doctor, but at the same time, you don't want to I want to go to a doctor either, So you don't want to be gas lit by a doctor because that just causes all other, you know, sorts of issues.
Would it be easier to say, stick to women doctors.
Or you know, I found some great men practitioners too. I think that I have I have a a woman doctor right now because she also does surgery. I have in demetrian polyps, so I have to go and get surgery and she wound up just being really amazing about me being able to talk too easier about it. But I do think men are becoming more and more part of the conversation, which I'm encouraged by. And there are some incredible male male doctors out there and researchers out there, so I think it takes all of us. But I would say that telehealth is a great option that we didn't have five years ago, really like we have now. I mean, it really has grown into something where I feel encouraged by and excited about being able to recommend an offer.
And also, if you guys listen to your book, obviously an audible, there's a PDF test that has all this information.
Yeah, I have a PDF of all the resources. And I wanted to do that because I didn't want the listen. The reason I wrote this book is because there was no girlfriend's guide to this time in life, none what to expect when you're expensing. We had you know, are there God, it's me Margaret. We didn't have are you there God, it's me? A menopause? So how to Menopause is that book, and I wanted to make sure it was easy.
I wanted to make sure you should do something with that title.
Oh thank you, it's it's a second book in the words second podcast.
It was just really really important for me to give women a guide to help them to make decisions. And so I want that to be kind of that resource that they can open up and say like, Okay, I'm not having a problem sleeping, but my sex life is taking a dive, so I'm turning to the sex chapter, or hey, these things are going well, but mindset is really difficult for me. I even have a dating chapter because we're dating in perimenopause.
We're making on the side.
I'm not still matchmaking on the side. To help me, you can tell me what you're looking for, and I'm always that's the problect.
That you might have to look for your mind set and I just have to like just look for you. But I'm a picky one, So.
Okay, answer, well, what trust me? I'm not trust me?
Okay, So first of all, thank you for your service, because this is really helpful. It is it is beyond helpful. I mean even for just to spark curiosity in me. I don't like doctors.
First stop, I get me. You know, I lost my mother to breast cancer. I couldn't go into a hospital without feeling like I was going to pass out. I couldn't go to a doctor's office without smelling that smell. So I really understand what you're saying. I think that if I encourage any woman to do anything, it's start looking at your lifestyle and back into it if that's the best way to do it, and don't suffer god, you know, unnecessary. Here's why, because it's not just about hot flashes. It's not just about not being able to sleep or a little belly fat. It's about long term health ramifications. And if we don't start dealing with this now, and we are going to live to seventy years old or sixty five years old or whatever these ages are, we are talking about protecting our bones, protecting our minds.
I've abused my body heart so hard as a dancer.
Like you.
You say something in your book where you wrote, like, whatever the way you treated yourself in the earlier years is, you're going to feel it.
Yeah, and I've got then you know what, this is going to be paidful.
I felt it. But it's never too late. It's never too late. It's upping your you know.
To bring your bones prote I know.
I did too.
I had diet cocon friedos I loved. I love diet coked, had.
Snack Wells because they were fast great.
My stepdad's a dentist, and literally I was raised with like remember those Jenny Craig TV dinners and like hot pocket, everything processed.
Oh my god, I'm.
Crosseds, like hello, people like process, process, process. Burger King was there once, Oh my goodness.
We didn't know no I know, gosh, but now we do.
Now we do.
Protein is the other big one.
Protein you can't get from Burger king.
You can't get it from Burger Well, I mean maybe bad. That's some other sources for you in the books.
So what would you say the most common questions are from other women.
Yeah, I think that one of the big questions is what you know exactly what you asked, like, am how do I know I'm in perimenopause? And so in looking at those symptoms, tracking those symptoms is the most important. I think the next big question is also always like are there really lifestyle changes that you can make? And answers yes. My big focus and my big you know, if I push for anything, it's like trying to focus on sleep and trying to make sure you're getting that because of the fact that your hormones are so erratic.
Chapter scared the.
Actually, actually, as I was unpacking it was like three in the morning, I was like, oh, great, great, thanks to.
Thank I have to go talk to you.
It's not even like you said, like every every night that you lose sleep.
I'm like, overy my god. That chapter I had to scale back. It was so long, and you know, It's still the long one of Long's chapters in the book.
Right, it was, you're talking at me, I'm even talking to me, You're it was crazy.
It's really important, crazy, It's really important.
Can you can you just just reiterate.
Sleep hygiene, getting to bed at the same time every night, waking up at the same time as best you can within reason, not making yourself crazy, blacking out your room, making sure that you do a wind down, that you're not my.
Dog snores, I refuse to sleep.
Well, I know what I think. I'm that's hard for me, Like that was, that was not a deal break with me. I had to my dog in my bed all the time.
I mean, I sleep with my air pods, which is probably another problem.
That I know. I try to, like I try to unwind that. But if even if you can just like set the alarm and then turn it off, if you can, if you can keep the blue lights out of there, I mean, the the sleep hygiene part, in understanding it and understanding what those different hormones do to our sleep to disrupt it is so so important. So that's that's one of the big ones. And then I think the other thing that women ask is like is it ever I'm ever gonna feel it myself again? And the answer is not really. I think you're gonna feel like a better version of yourself. Yeah, it feel very different on the other side of this, and it's and it's it's in part yes, because you've gone through the symptoms. But I think the bigger part of it is that there's a freedom that comes with all of this. There's a freedom that comes with this lack of timelines in life that we feel like we have to should have. Could a I feel like we got to a place where our minds are, you know, not trying to be the caretakers of everybody else, and we're giving ourselves a little more attention. So that would be the other question, and that would definitely be my answer.
Let's talk a little bit more about the I guess the positive aspects of all this, though it may not seem.
Like that too.
I know it's always want to start note, Yeah, what, so.
Do you feel empowered? What type of freedom did you feel? I mean not to say that because you're still going through it. Yeah, right, sure, you're the rest of your life, right, the second half, yeah, my life part two?
You know, like, yes, exactly so what is that like that.
Feeling, you know, I mean, you get past that hard part of the symptoms, like paramenopause is really the most confusing, chaotic part of the symptoms, right menopause. I felt like I was a little more in control. It's like I understood what was happening. My brain fog that dipped down here and was debilitating at times, you know, came back up so I can memoriz. I wouldn't have been able to have a conversation with you. I literally would have been like struggling for words like what No, Like what's your book about? Yeah, so there's a chapter?
No literally no, literally, and.
I would just stop and you'd be like, help.
Me, was this happening when you were journalist?
Of course it was. It was happening. I'd see the tele the teleprophy gone for that, I mean no, I'd look at a word, I'd recognize the word, and then some days I couldn't get it out of my mouth, just randomly, not all the time, but just enough to just kill my confidence.
At a certain point, I think, like I always have brain forgetting.
Why you go into our room forgetting? And that's why a lot of women have a lot of fear. They have a lot of fear hand, but but that would happen constantly. So I would say that that comes out on the other side where it sort of levels back out to where you were pre you know, before menopause, and so that's exciting. I think a lot of the freedom comes with not being that caretaker anymore, even though we do have a lot of with aging parents that were taking care of. Many women have children they're taking care of. But I do feel like we come out on the other side and say like, Okay, I have to put me, I have to put me first, and then the lack of filter comes with it all of like, you know, my lack of filter has I've always tried that, but get ready for it to be even more prominent. I don't even try to get ready for it to be more prominent.
I'm not even saying sorry afterwards.
But those are some real gifts. Those are yours, and we see women do incredible things, and so I get excited about this time in life versus fearful that my best years are are.
Yeah, but also like why, you know, we all evolve, whether you like it or not. We're human and we are evolving every second of the every day, and so to say that when am I going to feel like myself regardless?
Right?
Like regardless? I mean, why would you want to?
I could not agree more. I could not agree more.
Thank you for your work.
Thank you so much.
This has been such an amazing conversation. I've learned so much from Tamson. Seriously, this is something that you know is needed, especially in the world of just metopause. We need to be educated. Be sure to grab her new book How to Metopause out right now. Listeners, we want to hear from you, so call us or email us, follow us on socials. All the information will be in the show notes. Make sure to rate and review the podcast. I do part two in iHeartRadio podcast, where falling in love is the main objective.
