I Do, Part 2Amy Reveals The Best Advice She’s Ever Gotten About Men
Our hosts continue to answer everything and in doing so, Amy shares the advice T.J. gave her about men that changed everything!
Plus, long-distance… to do or not to do, that is the question, and are hosts help you navigate money matters when it comes to relationships.
Ready to find love again? Want dating advice?
Email us at: IDOPOD@iheartradio.com or call us at 844-4-I Do Pod (844-443-6763)
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Welcome everyone to I Do Part two. It is an innovative, one of a kind experiment in podcasting and love so out there. If you didn't find love the first time around, we're telling you, it's okay.
We're with you.
We're here to tell you you can get the confidence you need.
To get back out there and you love again.
Wow, you're already laughing at me. So apparently that was not said confidently enough. I believe you.
I believe you.
I believe I'm a believer.
Amen, Right, we are here. It is really really cool to be in the room with all of these ladies right now. I am one of your hosts, CJ. Holmes, sitting next to my dear love Amy Rollbock and Jinny Garth, one of our hosts here as well, is the first time we've actually been able to be in the room with her as we've done one of these We're so good, Joined by a couple of our celebrity mentors and some old friends of ours. Now when I say old friends, I did.
Friends of ours way back with what friends? Yes, thank you for getting It's okay.
Who's out from here?
From The Golden Bachelor and their podcast Bachelor Happy Hour Golden Hour. We have Kathy Schwartz and Susan Knowles with us today.
You guys, Yes, we're back.
We love having you.
Okay, we have to go because we had so many questions last time that we needed more information. Keep going because everything you have to say is like golden nuggets. Is that that I could I could get some gold out of your nuggets? And of course, like the conversation between you two and just your beautiful relationship. I think that's really iron for people to three times the m absolutely. This is from Lisa Rogers. Okay, is there one dating site better than the other.
I've never been on a dating site, so I could not answer that question.
There are all the same people on all the same dating sites.
They say the ones you pay for are better than the free ones, but I don't find that to be true either.
I mean, there's so many now it's overwhelming.
You know, you used to think that you're in a big city. There's more people that I think it's harder to meet people in a big city, like in New York. People complain all the time, this is the worst.
Place in La youn't Philly. I think the reason in big cities and my daughter said this, and I've had several other friends say this. When you're in a big city, like you can be on a date with a great guy or a great woman and they're talking to you and then they SEPs, they just wipe.
There's always someone job, prettier, younger, thinner, smarter, richer. No that ha ha ha, but thank you very much.
I thank you.
No. But I remember my mom always telling me that, she said, you can never when you're actually looking for someone, if you get into this comparison business, which I think the apps actually encourage and perhaps even make it sort of addictive. But if you are always looking for what if I could find something better, If you're in that mindset, you'll never ever settle down or be okay with what you have, or recognize the beauty or uniqueness of what you have. So I think these apps unfortunately perpetuate that right because you always do have another option, and it's right through at your fingertips. That's got to be really tough.
You don't have to name it. But is there a site that you've had more success on than another? Is there not a front runner at all?
No?
For me, bumble. I met two guys on match that were above ground and breathing. And then I met a couple guys on the bumble that were worth having second day with, but not you.
Know, not really coffee meets begel. They're all in New York or North Jersey. It's about vicinities too.
Yeah, where you're at look geographically desirul.
Yes, another question for your all here again no name attached to this one, but it says, when do you start having the money conversations debt, if you say, for retirement, if your adult children are going to be taken care of or independent financially, when you start having those money conversations.
Money's always tricky.
Well, you kind of just keep your eyes open in the beginning and you can figure some of it out. But I wouldn't have a serious conversation of that nature until you're deciding we're serious and we're going to take this to the next level.
We're going to be exclusive. Well, no explicit of all that.
You just don't sleep with anybody else, right, who says, well, I just found that what hooking up was a feature?
What hooking up means? She knew what making out.
With you're hooking up with somebody. I just I have young daughters, so I know, so you know I did not.
I have a question on this. So I am probably the senior member in this room, and I have to be honest. Back to this question TJ that you just read. If I met, please God, may it happen the man of my second dreams tomorrow. I honestly, I have three children, three grown children, and two grandchildren. My husband and I worked really hard for the money that I have. I want to leave the lion's share of the money I have to my children and grandchildren. So I don't expect a man to take quote unquote take care of me, and I don't want to take care of him. So I think at my age, it sort of would be a more equal partnership financially, you know, as long as he flies me first class wherever we want to go, that doesn't hurt. But I'm just saying I want so, I don't you know, it's not like pooling money. I would expect to share expenses. If we bought a house together, we'd own it together. We would share the expenses together. And I think that's different when you're young and raising kids and you're meeting some well.
Anybody our age out there looking for somebody to keep them a.
Nurse and as I mean, it's just a nurse or a person, thank you so much.
Yeah, I mean I don't.
Yeah, it's so the money thing is always a tough one. But I think you know, you and I haven't had serious converse. I think until you go to live with someone and merge households, you know, obviously you are going to decide who should pay for dinners and like that'll, I guess evolve naturally, but I don't know that it's necessary unless you are like actually merging your families together, merging your households together.
Do you have a retirement account? Do you have a savings as that was one of the reasons that that didn't work. Nothing, No, I mean I have, I have.
Oh, I'm solely responsible for them, and I'm but I've taken responsibility as a as a woman who has always been a kind of a single mom to my children, like in terms of financial responsibility. So I've I've set that that ball emotion. I have a trust and that's just something happened and I've operated. No, and I actually only learned it after the second time around. So you learn from past mistakes. How you protect your interests for your children. And yes, when you have kids, and yes we're talking to people with their second third time around, you've learned, probably in painful ways, what you should have done differently, and you make and expensive ways. But I will tell you I have taken my daughters along that journey with me to say, hey, don't ever rely on someone else like that.
I want them.
That was the one thing I wanted for them from the beginning was to say, hey, no matter what happens, if you are financially independent in whatever way you live, and you can live modestly, right to live within your means, but then you have choices, and then you're empowered to make the best decision for yourself. Yes, and that is the gift I've hoped to give my daughters.
But I mean, that's why we're here. Yeah, you like us to pass that. My father taught me that early on.
Don't depend on anybody but yourself. And if you when and if you meet somebody that's your equal, that's even better, But always depends on yourself first.
Choose yourself.
That's funny, you know. My parents told me go find your prince charming.
And marry rich.
I don't any of that. My grandmother told my mother.
My mom didn't listen either. Is just as easy to fall in love with the rich man as it is a foreman.
I've heard.
And she laughed because she's like, wow, I did not follow that advice. What would you think if you matched or went on a date with someone who found out that they hadn't been in a relationship in a long time? Is that a red flag?
Well?
I think if someone took the time to work on themselves, that's a good sign. Define how long.
I was going to say, what's a long time decade?
You know? I have some questions.
It depends on the age too, right, yep. And if you're raising a family, if you have young kids and you're raising you might not have.
It's two years a long time.
Yes, that'd be considered a lot.
I haven't been on a date.
I have even over two years.
I have been on a date in two years, two years on a date or not on a date.
I didn't know that the last time we talked to you, but I thought, don't you feel for us?
It's not something I like. Since no one's listening to this at all, it's just us live in this room. I have not been on a date. I have a couple of male friends like I would, but not a date.
Last time we saw you all, I thought you would just a date.
Yo, we were ready to date.
You were ready to yes, ready, I can assume and would be very wondering, cautionary, reticent, thank you.
That's the story of our life. Oh, I know, we've got to break that.
So people say, well, just for you less, Susan, be less.
Oh okay, we've.
Talked about this. We can only be who we are. That's you know. I am authentically who I am, and if you don't, I'm not everyone's cup of tea. And I accept that, but I'm not going.
I am everyone's cup of tea. They're just being stupid, Kathy.
Have you all actually considered it, taken moments, and you know what, maybe we do need to change things up a little bit because there's so many people to give relationship advice, to tell a woman to be a little this. Don't be so we have some mine in the studio. Don't be so bossy. You gotta kind of.
Save that for the boardroom.
In the bedroom.
You need to take right.
She made a total point, like you need to let him be the man. And that's a hard thing to hear.
I leave when I dance.
Are you kidding?
I got it?
I was standing on the bell. We did like eight count of eight.
He goes, wait a minute, I lead Susan always, No.
That's the weirdest.
Women were built to be strong and take care of ourselves.
There are men so intimidated, j there are We've got a man in the house.
Well, that's tough for me to answer, because I'm with this one. This is the strongest, most stubborn, bullheaded, selfish, arrogant. This don't this is who I'm with. I mean, So it's tough to You have to be friends first, Well you have to, but you have to have some kind of confidence in yourself to be with a woman as strong as you.
You you and you you have to So where are they all? What rock are they hiding under?
What would you change about us?
We don't have enough time.
Oh absolutely, see that's the thing. And it almost breaks my heart because we have plenty of conversations on our show about it with different women about like trying to alter or change anything about who you are to make this guy feel better about himself. So that he can then ask you out, and it's just too much of a game. And we're too we're grown, we're adults at this point.
One thing I learned that this is something I practice when you're in the restaurant. You don't talk to the waiter. You let him talk. That's like a chore for me. It's like I got something to say, but I have to let the man take the lead.
That was difficult.
I have to let the man take the lead.
That's still a thing. Is that register with you at already? Don't? I don't.
I don't know. That feels so weird.
But maybe that's a generationally maybe older men feel differently about that.
But oh yeah, that's a good point.
My husband would never be offended if I took the leader you know he has. He doesn't get threatened by my strength.
I think you need Boddy should.
This is from Hannah Almer, I believe it's her name. What is a good way? And by the way, Hannah, if you know the answer or interview in this room, tell me what is a good way to start dating again after a long period of not wanting to date? Any good advice on that?
Somebody to ask me?
Yeah, it's called.
I heard about the d MS.
Oh yeah, that's the other thing we talk about sliding into our dates are frozen over. No, there's no sliding. Maybe there's a lock box, guys.
We don't know.
We tried that too. That does do that.
What is the advice anybody good way to start dating again? Yeah, for somebody who hasn't been.
I guess listen to your instincts.
If you've been, if you've taken some time and you've done some work on yourself, you found that why place to know who you are and find your strength as a woman, Then listen to those instincts because they're not going to take you to the wrong place.
Can I just tell you everyone told me to go to golf courses because that's where single men are. I have pitched a tent for the last two months at a local golf course. I haven't met one guy yet.
I mean a lot of them on the golf course. They're laughing, but they're all married, like married. I have another anonymous question, Should we be more open to dating people long distance?
I think I think that's tough. Especially I feel like even at my age, it would just feel like a time suck, Like why would I be wasting time? Travel? Like?
It depends on what you want.
I mean, if you want a companion to see and to be around and detext and to have fun. But if you really want a partner who you're with day in and day out, that's not you're just wasting time.
Yeah yeah, But what if the person you're madly in love with it's a job and has to go somewhere else.
Oh that's different then, and you can't go with him?
Like, how do you do that?
Kind of why can't you go with him?
That was my difference. It's a different Are we established as a couple before we have to move across country from each other?
Oh?
Do you consider?
Oh? Yeah, that's I consider that. If we're already establishing, we're good to go. That's one thing versus starting initially having to kind of get to know somebody in a two hour flight away.
Well, what's happening for the last couple of years around here is zero? I'm open to.
Can I just say? Ben Higgins, who we all know and love. We had him on our podcast and he talked about when he met his now wife that they always every time they met because they lived in different cities, it was in Denver. She was in Nashville when they met. They would plan to see each other before they met. They would already have the next time plan and they would never be cry or sad. It would always be they. I mean, and and you know it worked for them. I think it's possible. I think it's difficult, but I think it's possible.
I mean, what's long distance Europe. That would be across the country. I think, you know, I've definitely that was hard for my marriage. I know I didn't foresee that visit in New York l A thing. Yeah, like across the country sometimes on location.
Again, though you had young children, right, Jenny, three little girls, it was a big deal. We could do it, Susan, I do New York l A. I would do it. I would do it.
I think once the kids come into the situation, we're beyond kids.
We're good.
That's the that's the beauty of it.
Jenny and yours, how long were you all not seeing each other? How long would you go without seeing your husband at the.
Time, Well, a shoot would be like at least four weeks. But he was really good about trying to get back to the kids every week. He really did go back and forth a lot because it was easier for him to go back and forth, you know, and then it was for me to take the girls.
But you know, we absence makes the heart grow fonder, like you miss him, and when you did see each other it was even more exciting.
Or was it.
I would say it was a mix of both that and the total opposite of that. Mm hmm.
Listen, Susan, we cannot complain if we get dates in la you know, damn right, while you and I are going back and forth, let's just cut to the church. There's for you. Tom.
I'm in Philadelphia, Texas.
Okay, but I'm ready to move.
Okay.
They're international.
I like that.
I have listen. I have two grandchildren and two kids live in Austin, and I love my family and I love my grandkids. That's what plans are for. I would go back and forth. I hear you. I could do that.
It is one of those school things now that I'm an empty nester, like the idea that like I can live.
This is a good one. Actually, what do you value the most?
Confident?
Humor, attractiveness?
This is say them again.
I guess what my to you?
Confidence a sense of humor or attractiveness, the above.
The most important.
I like to say attractiveness. It's what I'm attracted to.
Right, Yeah, being good looking it's like being attractive.
So let's say attractive. I would say attractive is number one because it's an umbrella for so many things.
But I like to laugh, you guys.
Number number two.
You can't make me laugh.
I don't even want attracted.
Agreed, and that is like the huge thing he and I. I have never laughed along with the human in my life.
And confidence number three.
I mean.
You can make actually agree you were in. Confidence is absolutely the umbrella attract if you weren't the other two.
If a guy is medium, more strong, they can make me laugh. He has confidence.
You can't be funny and not be smart, and.
So being attractive. Let me just sum this up. Let me rank them all for you, Okay, Attractive is number one, two, three, four, and five because under attractive comes attractive, good looking, smart, intelligent sense of humor, compassionate, good sense of humor, covering.
Anybody out there, six one zero, and and the house on Martha's vendered.
What about a confident guy who has no sense of UNI's.
A really funny guy who is just an idiot. Okay, next, good, good, good job trying to sit that one.
Okay.
Do you think people come into your life randomly or do you think it's the universe? Are you all universe?
A universe?
Universe? I've been practiced where I am right now right, I think it's universe.
Yeah, universe, absolutely.
I just don't have a vision board. I think I need a vision board and put the man on.
There's what you got in your head, you need to get out.
On a board.
I believe the reason season lifetime, I really do. I think people can believe people come into your life for a reason for a season all.
The time, all of us, I say, for all the time. People come into your life for a reason in a season, and the season might be a lifetime, but it's not random.
Yeah, I agree around A lot of randoms have.
Come into my life. But that's a whole other conversation.
I have come around to that thinking. I am sitting here in a room with you full of women, full of woman having a good glasses of wine.
Myss is empty college football game on having.
A good time with you all, And the only reason I'm here is because everything had to go exactly the way it went, and I'm happy where I am. So that's why I regret is such a difficult word. I would like to say that I'm happy where I am the I've come around bridge.
This guy is a walking Hallmark No, no, but.
I think I love watching Hallmark movies.
By the way, the best try ever.
God, we will sit there and laugh.
We laugh.
And so how many times you've been married?
Too?
Okay, let's just say three and chill be number three? Can I be number four? We stopped?
But three we stopped three?
Look at this, Kathy.
We have a long night ahead of us with this right, flow your paste.
Seriously, this is an interesting question. Do people think rejection is better than regret?
No?
No, you should pick another one.
That one doesn't even count.
I mean, wait, it'd be better if somebody rejected you rather than you are staying with them and then you regretting being with them. Would you rather be rejected than have time? I guess if you look at it from that perspective, I guess what your mom said, better to know in five months than in five years. So if someone had to reject you for you to know, it wasn't right versus waiting and wasting years and then regretting it.
I mean, I'm too many pills and understand what you said.
I think I hear you like I would want to know.
Yeah, as it's like ripping the band aid off. Rather feel the pain now than slowly stings.
But you heal. Yeah, If the man you're dating is paying alimony to his ex wife, how are you supposed to plan your future? Do you need to hold off on pressuring him? Pressuring?
Pressuring?
For you should never pressure a man to marry you ever, period.
Do not.
She's pressuring him about.
The ag him to get in a relationship, but he has to pay alimony.
She wants him to be focused on her and her finances.
Pay alimony to an ex wife. It doesn't sound payment. It is a it's a there's no emotion involved that in fact, and damn whens is alimony going to be over?
And the word pressuring should never be in a woman's vocabulary. I don't think it's not going to end well. If you have to pressure a man to be with you, it's not.
Going to do That's another thing we just learned pressure.
I did that right to wait, But I don't even know what would pressure look like.
When getting married when all you're doing is paying money to your ex wife everything?
What about our future?
What about our future?
When we have about where's my diamond ring?
Where's where's my name ring? What about our house? You're paying so much money to Louise that you don't have enough money to focus on.
It does not sound much.
It doesn't sound help me. I don't want to I don't want to be there. I don't want to run. I don't want to be there.
Okay, another anonymous, I agree. When you're on round two? Is it okay to keep dating if you aren't sure there is a future? When do you have the what are we?
Conversation?
What are we?
Conversed?
Im?
When you want to know?
I think you have the conversation when you want to know, like, let's not play games?
Is the question?
When I want to know what we are, I'm going to ask what are we? Wait?
Wait a minute, if you if you have to ask, I'm not saying this is true. If you have to ask what are we? Does that say send a message?
No? I think that there. I Actually we had a converse and we talked about this. We remembered exactly where we were when we said what are we doing? And what are we and you know, yeah, what are we doing? Like we know how we feel, but what are we doing?
Are we going from?
And where are we going? And you know, I'm at a point in my life where if we're if I'm going to be with you, this is what I want and if you don't want the same thing, let's establish this.
Now, what did you do the same thing?
And that's very mature knowing yourself.
You do a certain age and that's just that's where you're.
At because of age.
Mostly, Yeah, you've learned some things. You don't have time. You just don't have time to wait.
Okay, what I want to know, did either of you have this conversation with did you guys? You did have it?
Did you have tell me what conversation?
Did you have the conversation with you?
What are we are? We?
Did you have that conversation with your husband.
Or on the same page?
Yeah, I don't think a lot of times that happens. You just so, we did not wait very long. We were it was a very fast and furious that was a way sham. Yeah, I'm very impulsive. So I think we you know, we learned about each other after we had already like jumped in, which might have been really hard.
I mean, people, how fast was if you don't mind my asking how fast?
Okay, that's so hard for me, she said, he is not the one.
I think we leave this dinner weeks later.
I think we got engaged.
Three months later married. Yeah, nine months.
Tonight, when we go out for dinner with these great folks, we're going to look at every guy and go, oh, you want to get married.
You were engaged to you after three months? Right, yeah?
But the changed it.
Yeah, okay, I get it like the next d But you put that in our head because we're going out with him tonight. He's just.
By the way your husband. I just met him. He's a very handsome man, think so very handsome.
I went and hugged them and didn't shake any hand.
I'm a hugger. I don't think he knew what to do. It's like, who is this?
He was very comfortable, Kathy. You know, his name is Dave.
He's Dave. He's very he's not going. He's kind of Dave.
You know.
He's very easy going, easy to get along with.
So all right, he got the book.
Oh, Jesus got the long one. This stunt.
Okay, this is we're going to go deep for a second. Okay, I think, Okay.
My big problem is I've been in domestic violence relationships I told you, and I freak out and isolate myself when it comes to talking with guys. Now, I'm so afraid to get hurt or cheated on. I freeze up. Can someone give me some advice on how to approach men or some good opening lines.
We can't pretend to be experts. I mean, that's that's something going on there that I wouldn't ever get to work on yourself to understand, but I can from that perspective. My god, if you've been through that experience, would you ever open yourself up put yourself out there? So that's difficult, but the thing is you, that's what you almost have to do.
You have a good opening line for a woman to say to a man. Hi, Hi, it's okay, it's about smiling about you.
Are I just I hate ever feeding somebody try this line or trying to do this thing. It's okay to be you. And I don't know the age on that person either, but it's just that's heartbreaking to think you're in a position why you just can't be yourself and can't be natural and always have a guard up. But we can certainly understand why.
And I think you know you TJ. You've I was actually kind of interested in something you told me. You said, I don't know why women think that men want you to play hard to get or men want you to play games, like men actually want to know that you like them. Men want to know that you're interested.
In them, because they say, don't be available.
Like TJ was like, be a straight shooter and like, and that's the kind of person you want to be with. Someone who wants to know, who doesn't want to play games, who doesn't want to like pretend to need to chase you like we're all especially if you've been through some sh and it sounds like she certainly has. Shouldn't shouldn't she want an adult, mature relationship And that involves starting at a place of realness and authenticity. And I think when you show someone who you are, if they don't want to be with you, good, then you know upfront, like if you can just be yourself, I would just say, yeah, you have to be Willings. I know it's scary to be, but to be yourself is that's the only way you're going to get an authentic love in return.
Absolutely, And when you see a red flag, believe it's a red flag.
When someone shows you who they are, yes.
I believe them.
Okay, we've been told we got time for one more?
Is it you want to No, it's oh please, my love, gentlemen, take it last one here?
Wow? Okay, it says it's directed at me.
Actually, OHJ the best for last.
Oh you are gonna love this. Is it acceptable to set one of your guy friends up with more than one of your female friends or is that in bad taste? Why don't.
As long as you're honest about say. I don't know who's action was, but.
I guess you're right. Let's be realistic. I think it's okay for me.
I think when you read that, I have this visceral response, which is, if if TJ sets and I'm praying he does, sets me up with someone he knows, I want at least have the opportunity to explore where our relationship could go with his friend without feeling like it's a I'm a meat part of a meat market, Like hey, I got ten girlfriends here, you know which I would want the opportunity, and then if if TJ's friends said, Kathy, it's been real, So you don't like the idea. I don't like that. I don't want to be I don't want to be considered one of a pack. I don't want to I don't.
I want just like going on the best it's like going on a dating side.
I don't want to be shocked. If that makes sense.
I think most guys would not do that out of respect for their friends. I think the female friends I have now the guy friends I have, I would never start and mix.
I would personally on your own without the women know and give him an option, show them both, talk about both people that you'd like them to meet.
And let him make that sick one at a time.
Right, I'm not saying fix them up with both.
Let him that's what.
Then he makes that.
So TJ dnswer is Kathy first, Susan second.
Every time I see you, I thought we saw a reckon overring about who who we know?
Then they forget, but we're coming.
I am no, And I do like what you said, because I think that no one wants to think they're being It's almost like an agent trying to push their clients, like whoever you want. But I got several pig problem with you, Like that feels icky like or something. Yeah. No, I appreciate the fact that you let one relationship see if it works if it doesn't, and then and only then when you say, would you mind if and.
You know what, I would hope that if you know, if you if Dave fixed Susan or me up with someone, I would hope that that friend would come to David say, you know, I really like Susan, but now I really like to meet Kathy. Susan wasn't all I thought you would be.
But Kathy is notice how she named that the order of that way.
I would if it were a good friend, I would hope that person would come to you and say, being true to yourself for me and right and you know she was great, but I don't think she's for me and there's nothing wrong. But I would feel better about that then, Susan, how is your date? I don't know how is your date? What you talk about?
Kathy?
What're you talk about? Really said that to you? He told me he doesn't, he doesn't. He told me he prefers petite brunettes. Oh yeah, we were, We were on that show.
But you know what, I love being with you guys doing this today. We got to schedule this more often.
You are to our listener. This is a true story. The five of us are going out tonight together and I mean we're going out hard. We're not just doingtized. Oh no, we got a long night ahead, so we hopefully we can do it. Episode about that later. But keep your questions coming to us again. If you are single and ready to find your person, or you want to ask us more questions about love and dating and relationships, this is what we want you to do. You can call us at one eight four four four I Do Pod. That's eight four four four four three six seven sixty three. Email us I Do Pod at iHeartRadio dot com. That's I Do pod at ourheartradio dot com. We're on Instagram and TikTok at I Do Part two pod. Also, all this info will be in the show notes, and make sure to rate and review the podcast. This is I Do Part two and iHeartRadio podcast.
We're falling in Love is what if I open my own dating service, like I could fix people up?
What do you think Wait, I just want to finish what you said.
We're here for love, yes, falling in love is the main of the name Jay.
I'm sorry.
All right, thank you all for listeners. Don't we're not doing yet.
Wait, we're We're all right. We'll see what part three. We got this
