The public has had a long held fascination with detectives. Detective sy aside of life the average person is never exposed to. I spent thirty four years as a cop. For twenty five of those years I was catching killers. That's what I did for a living. I was a homicide detective. I'm no longer just interviewing bad guys. Instead, I'm taking the public into the world in which I operated. The guests I talk to each week have amazing stories from all sides of the law. The interviews are raw and honest, just like the people I talk to. Some of the content and language might be confronting. That's because no one who comes into contact with crime is left unchanged. Join me now as I take you into this world. Welcome back to Part two of my chat with Christy McVie. Christy is a retired Western Australian police detective who is an author and an expert in child sexual abuse. In part one, we spoke about educating parents and adults responsible for looking after children that look out for sexual predadice, and also how to educate children even from an early age. And I learned something there Chrissy about that it can start when they're two years old, and just the language that you use. When we move on to now that we're in that part two, what are the type of behaviors we're going to look out for for these people that pray on children.

The public has had a long held fascination with detectives. Detective sy aside of life the average person is never exposed to. I spent thirty four years as a cop. For twenty five of those years I was catching killers. That's what I did for a living. I was a homicide detective. I'm no longer just interviewing bad guys. Instead, I'm taking the public into the world in which I operated. The guests I talk to each week have amazing stories from all sides of the law. The interviews are raw and honest, just like the people I talk to. Some of the content and language might be confronting. That's because no one who comes into contact with crime is left unchanged. Join me now as I take you into this world. Welcome back to Part two of my chat with Christy McVie. Christy is a retired Western Australian police detective who is an author and an expert in child sexual abuse. In part one, we spoke about educating parents and adults responsible for looking after children that look out for sexual predadice, and also how to educate children even from an early age. And I learned something there Chrissy about that it can start when they're two years old, and just the language that you use. When we move on to now that we're in that part two, what are the type of behaviors we're going to look out for for these people that pray on children.

Yeah, so a lot of the time, like we mentioned, they'll be seeking out vulnerable children, but vulnerable parents equals vulnerable children. So it can be that they're grooming a parent or an adult to trust them. And so you know, they gaslight or more so love bond people. So they're really really friendly, Like they'll be full of compliments and stuff, and they do that to the children as well, but they might do that to the parents, and they'll become friends with the parents and they'll create this relationship or this friendship with the parent. And then as time goes on, if it happens, if it happens slowly, and sometimes it can happen really fast, if the person's really trusting, then they will, you know, find ways to be alone with the child. So, hey, let me take Johnny to go fishing. Like you know, you've got a busy week, you're tired, Like you know, hey, I'm going camping this weekend. You want me to take the kids with me and stuff like that, and then and these this could be completely innocent, but these are the ways that they get children alone. So they're going to aim to get the child alone in a way that they can groom the child or to progress the abuse. And so, you know, some of the behaviors I saw or heard was the adult would stay up really late every night whilst everyone's asleep, and then they were creeping into the child's room. They were behind locked doors with children. So you know, I always had a rule that there was no lock doors, no closed doors in my house. And you know, they're behind a door with a child, and you know, I've heard victim survivors tell me that, you know, every time they were abused, it was when mum was outside washing, like hanging out the washing, and they would lock the door and they'd be stuck or there was the perception that they couldn't get out, the child couldn't get out. And one of the other things that I wanted to mention about, you know, every time I arrested a child sex offender, they had massive pornography collections and I often get asked the question, you know, what kind of porn do they watch? Well, most people most I say, start off with normal everyday pornography, but there is actually a sliding scale of how they get down to child sexual abuse material and stuff. And so start off with normal porn, then it gets more violent or more sadistic. Then it goes into best reality and then child exploitation material. But all of these predators and pedophiles that I saw over the years, they all had massive porn collections or some form of porn addiction, and it just goes into that world and best Realities comes before child abuse material. And the other thing about the porn is that study I was telling you about from the Institute of Criminology is that the people that identified as abusing children and attracted to children had were paying for porn, and they actually identified that they paid for porn and they watched more violent beast reality porn and child sexual abuse material. So that's a big indicator as well.

Yeah, so a lot of the time, like we mentioned, they'll be seeking out vulnerable children, but vulnerable parents equals vulnerable children. So it can be that they're grooming a parent or an adult to trust them. And so you know, they gaslight or more so love bond people. So they're really really friendly, Like they'll be full of compliments and stuff, and they do that to the children as well, but they might do that to the parents, and they'll become friends with the parents and they'll create this relationship or this friendship with the parent. And then as time goes on, if it happens, if it happens slowly, and sometimes it can happen really fast, if the person's really trusting, then they will, you know, find ways to be alone with the child. So, hey, let me take Johnny to go fishing. Like you know, you've got a busy week, you're tired, Like you know, hey, I'm going camping this weekend. You want me to take the kids with me and stuff like that, and then and these this could be completely innocent, but these are the ways that they get children alone. So they're going to aim to get the child alone in a way that they can groom the child or to progress the abuse. And so, you know, some of the behaviors I saw or heard was the adult would stay up really late every night whilst everyone's asleep, and then they were creeping into the child's room. They were behind locked doors with children. So you know, I always had a rule that there was no lock doors, no closed doors in my house. And you know, they're behind a door with a child, and you know, I've heard victim survivors tell me that, you know, every time they were abused, it was when mum was outside washing, like hanging out the washing, and they would lock the door and they'd be stuck or there was the perception that they couldn't get out, the child couldn't get out. And one of the other things that I wanted to mention about, you know, every time I arrested a child sex offender, they had massive pornography collections and I often get asked the question, you know, what kind of porn do they watch? Well, most people most I say, start off with normal everyday pornography, but there is actually a sliding scale of how they get down to child sexual abuse material and stuff. And so start off with normal porn, then it gets more violent or more sadistic. Then it goes into best reality and then child exploitation material. But all of these predators and pedophiles that I saw over the years, they all had massive porn collections or some form of porn addiction, and it just goes into that world and best Realities comes before child abuse material. And the other thing about the porn is that study I was telling you about from the Institute of Criminology is that the people that identified as abusing children and attracted to children had were paying for porn, and they actually identified that they paid for porn and they watched more violent beast reality porn and child sexual abuse material. So that's a big indicator as well.

Okay, and I see what you're saying as an indicator, because we probably all know people that they're into their porn or whatever. But that's yeah, that's an indicator that maybe.

Okay, and I see what you're saying as an indicator, because we probably all know people that they're into their porn or whatever. But that's yeah, that's an indicator that maybe.

Along with other things, but it would be something if I was in a partnership or if I was with someone that had a you know, was staying up late watching lots of porn, you know, and.

Along with other things, but it would be something if I was in a partnership or if I was with someone that had a you know, was staying up late watching lots of porn, you know, and.

Some of these you wouldn't be in a relationship.

Some of these you wouldn't be in a relationship.

Some people are, yeah, and you know, some of the indicators that I hear from you know, victims parents or like the non offending parent who you know was like, well, we had a normal sex life and everything seemed fine, but then they were abusing one of the children. So you know, it's these are some of the things that you see. And then if they're not in a relationship, you know, they're that person that spends all their time with children. And I heard an FBI profilest basically say, if someone wants to spend more time with your children than you do, that's a red flag because children can be annoying.

Some people are, yeah, and you know, some of the indicators that I hear from you know, victims parents or like the non offending parent who you know was like, well, we had a normal sex life and everything seemed fine, but then they were abusing one of the children. So you know, it's these are some of the things that you see. And then if they're not in a relationship, you know, they're that person that spends all their time with children. And I heard an FBI profilest basically say, if someone wants to spend more time with your children than you do, that's a red flag because children can be annoying.

That's a good simple way of looking at it. But I think a common sense approach you certainly it's a red flag that you want to look at. What about the manipulation the offenders do on your children, because that's something you could be looking about for as well. How do they manipulate the children.

That's a good simple way of looking at it. But I think a common sense approach you certainly it's a red flag that you want to look at. What about the manipulation the offenders do on your children, because that's something you could be looking about for as well. How do they manipulate the children.

Quite often they're playing their manipulation game in twofold, so they're manipulating you. But they're manipulating the child. So with you, they might be. And I'm thinking about a specific case right now where the offender was grooming the child to abuse. So was love bombing them, was you know, complementing them, giving them gifts, taking them out on special treats, you know, or constant constantly grooming that child. But with the adult, they were basically creating this disconnect or this yeah, this disconnect between the parent and the child. So in order to get access to this child, look, let me take this child under my wing. And you know, their behaviors are out of control, and you know, like I can see, you know, so they're like gas lighting the parent into believing that this person's this savior for this child and is going to help fix this child's behavior and stuff. Never mind that the child's behavior is changing because they're being abused. You know. One of the things that I truly believe is behavior is another form of language. And when children show change behavior or show behaviors that aren't ideal or are concerning, then we need to ask what is happening?

Quite often they're playing their manipulation game in twofold, so they're manipulating you. But they're manipulating the child. So with you, they might be. And I'm thinking about a specific case right now where the offender was grooming the child to abuse. So was love bombing them, was you know, complementing them, giving them gifts, taking them out on special treats, you know, or constant constantly grooming that child. But with the adult, they were basically creating this disconnect or this yeah, this disconnect between the parent and the child. So in order to get access to this child, look, let me take this child under my wing. And you know, their behaviors are out of control, and you know, like I can see, you know, so they're like gas lighting the parent into believing that this person's this savior for this child and is going to help fix this child's behavior and stuff. Never mind that the child's behavior is changing because they're being abused. You know. One of the things that I truly believe is behavior is another form of language. And when children show change behavior or show behaviors that aren't ideal or are concerning, then we need to ask what is happening?

Okay, little things like that, And it's a complex way that they approach. It isn't like distancing the child from the side of people, and I can just imagine using the scenario of a single mother with children and oh, your child, they just need the male role model. Let me take them away for the weekend. And yeah, making that offer to parents when the manipulation when they're exhausted. Kids are hard. We all know that, like raising kids are hard. You need a break, you've had a hell of a week. Let me let me look after the kids to either or I can babysit. But okay, they're things again, it doesn't say conclusively that they're they're sex offenders, but they're things to look out for. And we want to be more aware, don't we. We don't want to go through with blinkers on them. Think the world's a lovely place and no bad happens.

Okay, little things like that, And it's a complex way that they approach. It isn't like distancing the child from the side of people, and I can just imagine using the scenario of a single mother with children and oh, your child, they just need the male role model. Let me take them away for the weekend. And yeah, making that offer to parents when the manipulation when they're exhausted. Kids are hard. We all know that, like raising kids are hard. You need a break, you've had a hell of a week. Let me let me look after the kids to either or I can babysit. But okay, they're things again, it doesn't say conclusively that they're they're sex offenders, but they're things to look out for. And we want to be more aware, don't we. We don't want to go through with blinkers on them. Think the world's a lovely place and no bad happens.

Yeah, well that's not that's not the way it is.

Yeah, well that's not that's not the way it is.

Well, you come out with your statistics, statistics and that's yeah, well, okay, adolescents, Yes, that's the brave new world that Yeah, it's a strange world for all of us when we go through those adolescent years. But what are the risk factors when we're talking about sexual predators or where adolescents can come unstuck even with any nude selfies those type of things. What do we got to look out and how can we help adolescent children?

Well, you come out with your statistics, statistics and that's yeah, well, okay, adolescents, Yes, that's the brave new world that Yeah, it's a strange world for all of us when we go through those adolescent years. But what are the risk factors when we're talking about sexual predators or where adolescents can come unstuck even with any nude selfies those type of things. What do we got to look out and how can we help adolescent children?

Yeah, well, I guess the first thing that I want to say is that when your child goes through adolescents, they have like a basically they become aliens, don't they. I remember when my child hit around eleven, and I thought, what the hell is going on with my child? Where's my loving beautiful kid.

Yeah, well, I guess the first thing that I want to say is that when your child goes through adolescents, they have like a basically they become aliens, don't they. I remember when my child hit around eleven, and I thought, what the hell is going on with my child? Where's my loving beautiful kid.

They disappear for about seven or eight years.

They disappear for about seven or eight years.

She's come back around already, but they do like they have like a brain transplant overnight, and so that can really take us out of like all of a sudden, the child that tells you everything's no longer telling you anything, and you don't actually can't get along with them anymore. I mean, my daughter just so happened. It was right around the time she had this brain transplant, right around the time that I was going through PTSD, you know, leaving the police, and she stood me up in the hallway one time, like she was so angry because you know, she's got all of these homes. She stood me up in the hallway we laugh about it now, and she was like, I just want to punch you in the face like and honestly, if you ever my daughter is the most She's a firecracker, no doubt, but she but she was so angry at me. This is the thing, Like, I'm being honest here because you know my daughter, I wrote like a blog post about it. My daughter saw porn at ten, right, and she you know, she was taught about sex at eight by a friend at school. And the thing is is that our kids are learning something at such a progressive rate and some of us, even myself at the time. And this is why I'm being really honest, is that it's okay if you're stumbling and you're going, I don't know what I'm doing here, because I've done.

She's come back around already, but they do like they have like a brain transplant overnight, and so that can really take us out of like all of a sudden, the child that tells you everything's no longer telling you anything, and you don't actually can't get along with them anymore. I mean, my daughter just so happened. It was right around the time she had this brain transplant, right around the time that I was going through PTSD, you know, leaving the police, and she stood me up in the hallway one time, like she was so angry because you know, she's got all of these homes. She stood me up in the hallway we laugh about it now, and she was like, I just want to punch you in the face like and honestly, if you ever my daughter is the most She's a firecracker, no doubt, but she but she was so angry at me. This is the thing, Like, I'm being honest here because you know my daughter, I wrote like a blog post about it. My daughter saw porn at ten, right, and she you know, she was taught about sex at eight by a friend at school. And the thing is is that our kids are learning something at such a progressive rate and some of us, even myself at the time. And this is why I'm being really honest, is that it's okay if you're stumbling and you're going, I don't know what I'm doing here, because I've done.

That, all right, Okay, Well that sets the setsus standard that no one's perfect on.

That, all right, Okay, Well that sets the setsus standard that no one's perfect on.

The moment, no one is topic no one. And so with regards to teens, one of the things that we need to really be mindful is to keep that open communication where we can, because I get teens contact me and it's so stripped. It's so crazy that they and reach out to me online. But it's because I talk about sextortion and I talk about image based abuse on TikTok and where the teens are and they contact me and they're like, I've been sex storted. I don't know what to do. And I always say, can you talk to a safe adult? Have you got a safe atut to talk to? And most of them are like, I'm too scared to go to my parents. I'm too scared to talk to my parents. So my lesson for that is is to talk to your kids and to let them know it's okay if they make mistakes, and that you're always there no matter what they do.

The moment, no one is topic no one. And so with regards to teens, one of the things that we need to really be mindful is to keep that open communication where we can, because I get teens contact me and it's so stripped. It's so crazy that they and reach out to me online. But it's because I talk about sextortion and I talk about image based abuse on TikTok and where the teens are and they contact me and they're like, I've been sex storted. I don't know what to do. And I always say, can you talk to a safe adult? Have you got a safe atut to talk to? And most of them are like, I'm too scared to go to my parents. I'm too scared to talk to my parents. So my lesson for that is is to talk to your kids and to let them know it's okay if they make mistakes, and that you're always there no matter what they do.

Yeah, that's a very important message together across because, yeah, in the world that they live in and not have that safe place to come and speak to a parent. Some of the topics that you've got in your book about the adolescence use peer based abuse and prevention. Talk to us about that.

Yeah, that's a very important message together across because, yeah, in the world that they live in and not have that safe place to come and speak to a parent. Some of the topics that you've got in your book about the adolescence use peer based abuse and prevention. Talk to us about that.

Yeah, so it's we've stumbled it or we've spoken about it. At thirty to fifty percent of children abuse other children. It doesn't mean if something happens in childhood. I do want to say this, if your child happens to display harmful sexualized behaviors, it's what we the terminology we use. We're dealing with children. They're not sex offenders. They're children. But if they display harmful sexualized behaviors in childhood, it doesn't mean that they're going to be a sex offender when they grow up their children. So what we need to understand about it is that some things are appropriate and age appropriate. Say, for instance, two children they're both twelve and they have their first kiss, that's an age appropriate thing to happen. Or they're fifteen and they start dating they decide to have sex. That's age appropriate because there's no power imbalance. They're the same age, and as long as there's the same mental capacity and there's no intoxication, and there's no coercional or force, then everything's hunky dory. But when we're talking about harmful sexualized behaviors, and what we usually see is an older child, usually around pubescent age, harming a younger child usually and there is stats on this from Western Australi three to ten, ten to fifteen. So the more likely age that a child will will harm another child is between ten and fifteen, and the most likely age that a child will be harmed by another child is between three and ten.

Yeah, so it's we've stumbled it or we've spoken about it. At thirty to fifty percent of children abuse other children. It doesn't mean if something happens in childhood. I do want to say this, if your child happens to display harmful sexualized behaviors, it's what we the terminology we use. We're dealing with children. They're not sex offenders. They're children. But if they display harmful sexualized behaviors in childhood, it doesn't mean that they're going to be a sex offender when they grow up their children. So what we need to understand about it is that some things are appropriate and age appropriate. Say, for instance, two children they're both twelve and they have their first kiss, that's an age appropriate thing to happen. Or they're fifteen and they start dating they decide to have sex. That's age appropriate because there's no power imbalance. They're the same age, and as long as there's the same mental capacity and there's no intoxication, and there's no coercional or force, then everything's hunky dory. But when we're talking about harmful sexualized behaviors, and what we usually see is an older child, usually around pubescent age, harming a younger child usually and there is stats on this from Western Australi three to ten, ten to fifteen. So the more likely age that a child will will harm another child is between ten and fifteen, and the most likely age that a child will be harmed by another child is between three and ten.

Okay, now you talked about their kids, So the person of the fends or the inappropriate behavior doesn't necessarily lead into what they're going to do in their adulthood. How do you protect your child from being a victim but also protect your child about respect and everything else that goes with it. How does that all tie.

Okay, now you talked about their kids, So the person of the fends or the inappropriate behavior doesn't necessarily lead into what they're going to do in their adulthood. How do you protect your child from being a victim but also protect your child about respect and everything else that goes with it. How does that all tie.

Up with body safety with all of those lessons that we were talking about. If we're talking about it from a really young age and we're empowering children to speak up and to share that they feel unsafe and uncomfortable with, then we're adding on the consent. We're adding on the discussion about, you know, and also being okay with no. You know some one of the lessons that I teach in those body safety cards is there's five types of no. You know, there's soft no where you just say no, and you know, there's polite no, no, thank you, and then the last no is screaming no, stop it, I don't like it, or get away.

Up with body safety with all of those lessons that we were talking about. If we're talking about it from a really young age and we're empowering children to speak up and to share that they feel unsafe and uncomfortable with, then we're adding on the consent. We're adding on the discussion about, you know, and also being okay with no. You know some one of the lessons that I teach in those body safety cards is there's five types of no. You know, there's soft no where you just say no, and you know, there's polite no, no, thank you, and then the last no is screaming no, stop it, I don't like it, or get away.

From it, say giving it, and the awkwardness of teenage sex or no or but you're giving them a scale of those, so it's pretty clear when I'm yelling no, that means means no yeah.

From it, say giving it, and the awkwardness of teenage sex or no or but you're giving them a scale of those, so it's pretty clear when I'm yelling no, that means means no yeah.

And in the book, I say this as well, if you've never been taught to say no, which some parents say you're not allowed to say no to me. You do what I say when I say it. If your child has never practiced saying no to anyone, when they get to an uncomfortable situation like first time to have sex, or they think that they're expected to do something, they don't know how to say no.

And in the book, I say this as well, if you've never been taught to say no, which some parents say you're not allowed to say no to me. You do what I say when I say it. If your child has never practiced saying no to anyone, when they get to an uncomfortable situation like first time to have sex, or they think that they're expected to do something, they don't know how to say no.

That's again making me think, because I know I've been through stuff. Teenager, you have no idea what the world's about. But yeah, sometimes you fall into a situation where you don't know I'm not into this or no.

That's again making me think, because I know I've been through stuff. Teenager, you have no idea what the world's about. But yeah, sometimes you fall into a situation where you don't know I'm not into this or no.

And that's the consent discussion, like we've I had a seventy something year old grandmother read my book and she contacted me via email, this massive email about her life, and she said to me, Christy, your consent. I've got grandkids. No one has ever spoken to me about consent before. And I realized how many times I've been sexually abused because I.

And that's the consent discussion, like we've I had a seventy something year old grandmother read my book and she contacted me via email, this massive email about her life, and she said to me, Christy, your consent. I've got grandkids. No one has ever spoken to me about consent before. And I realized how many times I've been sexually abused because I.

Never actually didn't know how to say no.

Never actually didn't know how to say no.

Yeah, and that's I had a seventy year old another seven year old woman during a presentation come up to me afterwards and say, I've never told anyone that I was sexually abused, And you know, seventy she was abused at eight sixty something year being on.

Yeah, and that's I had a seventy year old another seven year old woman during a presentation come up to me afterwards and say, I've never told anyone that I was sexually abused, And you know, seventy she was abused at eight sixty something year being on.

Too that that long. That's the impact that it has. One of the topics that you've got in your book, nude culture and teens. I think, yeah, with the advent of phones and the internet, social media, what was a harmless bit of fun at the party when I was growing up with someone that ran through the party naked or something people would love and that would be the end of it. But it's a completely different environment now that kids are operating as teens, aren't they Yeah.

Too that that long. That's the impact that it has. One of the topics that you've got in your book, nude culture and teens. I think, yeah, with the advent of phones and the internet, social media, what was a harmless bit of fun at the party when I was growing up with someone that ran through the party naked or something people would love and that would be the end of it. But it's a completely different environment now that kids are operating as teens, aren't they Yeah.

Very much so. I mean, I've got a teenager and she constantly tells me that she doesn't understand because we talk about this stuff and I've been open with it. She's like, Mum, people just don't get how dangerous it is to share nudes. And you know, I don't understand. But that's because we've had those conversations. I've encouraged her to critically think these things through. Again, like I was saying, if we're not having these conversations with our teens, this is what they think is normal, and this is what they think they need to do to get that boy's attention or that girl's attention. I've had twelve year olds ask me or come to me after a presentation saying, oh, I'm being pressured for dick picks, and you know, like it's just become so normalized, and so the nudes and the sending of nudes and everything like that is a real problem, and our teens think that this is what they need to do. When you and I were, you know, in school day, you know, my boy my husband, my boyfriend asked me out, you know, he got his friend to ask me out on you know, the back of the bus, sent me a note, and then I said yes or no. You know, I don't know if does anyone remember when you used to like, go, will you go out with me?

Very much so. I mean, I've got a teenager and she constantly tells me that she doesn't understand because we talk about this stuff and I've been open with it. She's like, Mum, people just don't get how dangerous it is to share nudes. And you know, I don't understand. But that's because we've had those conversations. I've encouraged her to critically think these things through. Again, like I was saying, if we're not having these conversations with our teens, this is what they think is normal, and this is what they think they need to do to get that boy's attention or that girl's attention. I've had twelve year olds ask me or come to me after a presentation saying, oh, I'm being pressured for dick picks, and you know, like it's just become so normalized, and so the nudes and the sending of nudes and everything like that is a real problem, and our teens think that this is what they need to do. When you and I were, you know, in school day, you know, my boy my husband, my boyfriend asked me out, you know, he got his friend to ask me out on you know, the back of the bus, sent me a note, and then I said yes or no. You know, I don't know if does anyone remember when you used to like, go, will you go out with me?

Why? No?

Why? No?

And you had to circle which one.

And you had to circle which one.

I never went down that, but that's yeah.

I never went down that, but that's yeah.

You were probably more charming and like oh no, now I.

You were probably more charming and like oh no, now I.

Got more nose and I got yes, but I didn't even know how to ask.

Got more nose and I got yes, but I didn't even know how to ask.

Yeah. But that's right, that's exactly right. And so now because they're behind a screen, they feel safe and they feel like nothing's going to harm me. But the reality is they send a nude to the person they like at school, it's going to get shared. And one of my colleagues over in Western Australia, Paul luther Land. He's a great guy. He said that he he goes and like talks to students all day every day and he surveys them, right, and he surveys turn up one in So when boys get a nude from a girl, one in two. Okay, when girls get a dick pic from a boy, about one inten will share it. So we've got a cultural problem there. We've got to respect problem because you know, when you're sending a nude to someone. First of all, we need to talk about the fact that unsolicited dick pics and unsolicited nudes someone's got to if you haven't asked for it, we shouldn't be sending it.

Yeah. But that's right, that's exactly right. And so now because they're behind a screen, they feel safe and they feel like nothing's going to harm me. But the reality is they send a nude to the person they like at school, it's going to get shared. And one of my colleagues over in Western Australia, Paul luther Land. He's a great guy. He said that he he goes and like talks to students all day every day and he surveys them, right, and he surveys turn up one in So when boys get a nude from a girl, one in two. Okay, when girls get a dick pic from a boy, about one inten will share it. So we've got a cultural problem there. We've got to respect problem because you know, when you're sending a nude to someone. First of all, we need to talk about the fact that unsolicited dick pics and unsolicited nudes someone's got to if you haven't asked for it, we shouldn't be sending it.

Well, that's yeah.

Well, that's yeah.

Yeah. The other thing that we need to talk about with our teams and what we need to cover with them is that that image, that photo, once someone's screenshots at, once someone's got it, it's out of your control and it could be out there forever. But the second to that is that our young people are being groomed online en mass and that is the next problem.

Yeah. The other thing that we need to talk about with our teams and what we need to cover with them is that that image, that photo, once someone's screenshots at, once someone's got it, it's out of your control and it could be out there forever. But the second to that is that our young people are being groomed online en mass and that is the next problem.

Okay, we're just back to that first problem. So you've got to explain to your teenager the consequences of sending, receiving or whatever, and how you handle it if you've got nude pictures and of sharing it, all sorts of things. Awkward conversation they have with a team. But you've got to have that conversation.

Okay, we're just back to that first problem. So you've got to explain to your teenager the consequences of sending, receiving or whatever, and how you handle it if you've got nude pictures and of sharing it, all sorts of things. Awkward conversation they have with a team. But you've got to have that conversation.

I actually think you need to have that conversation before they're a teenager.

I actually think you need to have that conversation before they're a teenager.

Yeah, well, that's probably sensible.

Yeah, well, that's probably sensible.

Because by the time they're hitting year seven and they're getting into high school, they're being asked for needs, they're being shown porn, and you know, they're already it's already in their world. And so don't think that waiting until high school is where we talk about these conversations. The minute you give a smartphone to your child, we should be having these conversations.

Because by the time they're hitting year seven and they're getting into high school, they're being asked for needs, they're being shown porn, and you know, they're already it's already in their world. And so don't think that waiting until high school is where we talk about these conversations. The minute you give a smartphone to your child, we should be having these conversations.

That makes sense. That makes sense. So it's too late to tell my son he's thirty there, so.

That makes sense. That makes sense. So it's too late to tell my son he's thirty there, so.

Yeah, no sending dick pics.

Yeah, no sending dick pics.

Okay, I'll get that message out to it. Healthy relationships like we talk about it, and yeah, there are healthy relationships, but what can how do you educate your children and put across the children about Yeah, relationships are beautiful things. They should be enjoyed and it's an exciting time in your life. What do you have to say to them about healthy relationships and respectful relationship.

Okay, I'll get that message out to it. Healthy relationships like we talk about it, and yeah, there are healthy relationships, but what can how do you educate your children and put across the children about Yeah, relationships are beautiful things. They should be enjoyed and it's an exciting time in your life. What do you have to say to them about healthy relationships and respectful relationship.

Again, I taught this to my daughter in her friendships before she got even into high school. You know, when a friend would pressure her to do something she didn't want to do, I would call it out as what it was. That's coercion, you know. I would talk to her about love bombing. And when someone is giving you lots of things and lots of compliments, and you know, gifting you all of these things, well that's actually a way to buy your attention and to keep you, you know, in their world or and I talked about the fact that you know in the book, I talk about the fact that most of us learn how to be in a relationship from her own parents' relationship or from the people around us, those adults, and not all of those relationships are healthy and safe. So having those conversations with your young person, you might not be able to give it. You know, you might be in a dangerous or unsafe relationship, but you can also teach that that's not how it's meant to be.

Again, I taught this to my daughter in her friendships before she got even into high school. You know, when a friend would pressure her to do something she didn't want to do, I would call it out as what it was. That's coercion, you know. I would talk to her about love bombing. And when someone is giving you lots of things and lots of compliments, and you know, gifting you all of these things, well that's actually a way to buy your attention and to keep you, you know, in their world or and I talked about the fact that you know in the book, I talk about the fact that most of us learn how to be in a relationship from her own parents' relationship or from the people around us, those adults, and not all of those relationships are healthy and safe. So having those conversations with your young person, you might not be able to give it. You know, you might be in a dangerous or unsafe relationship, but you can also teach that that's not how it's meant to be.

Okay. So if your relationship is not the perfect role model for your kids, you sit your kids down and be.

Okay. So if your relationship is not the perfect role model for your kids, you sit your kids down and be.

Honest with yourself and say, look, this is an ideal, this is the situation we're in. But I love blah blah blah, this is why I'm here. But also, you know, you can use their friendships and their early relationships because by the time they get to dating, yeah, their first relationship, which is around fourteen fifteen, maybe even earlier, maybe later, by that stage, they have already got a preconceived idea of what a relationship looks like, and they're already starting to think. Well, you know, and I've had young girls when young people tell me, oh, if he contacts me one hundred times a day and to ask me where I am all the time, that just means he loves me.

Honest with yourself and say, look, this is an ideal, this is the situation we're in. But I love blah blah blah, this is why I'm here. But also, you know, you can use their friendships and their early relationships because by the time they get to dating, yeah, their first relationship, which is around fourteen fifteen, maybe even earlier, maybe later, by that stage, they have already got a preconceived idea of what a relationship looks like, and they're already starting to think. Well, you know, and I've had young girls when young people tell me, oh, if he contacts me one hundred times a day and to ask me where I am all the time, that just means he loves me.

No stalker.

No stalker.

Yeah, but that's but that's what you know what I'm talking about.

Yeah, but that's but that's what you know what I'm talking about.

Yeah, I do. But yeah, those type of people they scare me as in scare me in the potential consequences when they come on that strong. So you're giving them life advice about the relationships, what's normal and what to look out for.

Yeah, I do. But yeah, those type of people they scare me as in scare me in the potential consequences when they come on that strong. So you're giving them life advice about the relationships, what's normal and what to look out for.

Yeah, and just having that language and understanding what's normal and not normal, or what's safe and unsafe. You know, what safe love is versus what's unsafe love? And there's so many resources out there. I list them in the book, but you know one eight hundred respect is one of them. They've got information about love bombing, they've got information about healthy relationships. You know, a partner should never dictate to you what you should do. And a lot of teenagers get themselves into a relationship with their partners, telling them who they can hang out with, who they can see where, you know, asking them where they're going what. You know, that's the first part of domestic violence, if we're going to call it what it is.

Yeah, and just having that language and understanding what's normal and not normal, or what's safe and unsafe. You know, what safe love is versus what's unsafe love? And there's so many resources out there. I list them in the book, but you know one eight hundred respect is one of them. They've got information about love bombing, they've got information about healthy relationships. You know, a partner should never dictate to you what you should do. And a lot of teenagers get themselves into a relationship with their partners, telling them who they can hang out with, who they can see where, you know, asking them where they're going what. You know, that's the first part of domestic violence, if we're going to call it what it is.

But we know that now as we're old and way past those adolescent years. But at the time, you would you'd have no idea. You just think, oh, this person really loves you, yes.

But we know that now as we're old and way past those adolescent years. But at the time, you would you'd have no idea. You just think, oh, this person really loves you, yes.

And then you're stuck in a relationship that is really dangerous and unhealthy. And we see and young people are so eager to make other people love them, you know. Remember, I mean, I don't know if you remember, but my daughter, like, she went through this phase where she just wanted people to like her and love her. And she's over that now. She's like, if they don't like me, blah blah.

And then you're stuck in a relationship that is really dangerous and unhealthy. And we see and young people are so eager to make other people love them, you know. Remember, I mean, I don't know if you remember, but my daughter, like, she went through this phase where she just wanted people to like her and love her. And she's over that now. She's like, if they don't like me, blah blah.

That's that's the thing. Because you say, confused about what life's all about. You just want to want to be the popular person.

That's that's the thing. Because you say, confused about what life's all about. You just want to want to be the popular person.

Or you just want people to like it, and that comes from that. And that's if you know, if we talk about childhood development, that is normal. You know, your children love you, want everything. They listen to you and listen to your advice. And then as they get through those first those pubescent teenage years, they're going to start pulling away. They're going to start looking to their peers for advice and for information. And then if we haven't done the groundwork first, and then if they don't have that relationship with us, we can't correct that or countercorrect that when they're going through it. So that's why we need to have those conversations and then hopefully we help them guide them through there.

Or you just want people to like it, and that comes from that. And that's if you know, if we talk about childhood development, that is normal. You know, your children love you, want everything. They listen to you and listen to your advice. And then as they get through those first those pubescent teenage years, they're going to start pulling away. They're going to start looking to their peers for advice and for information. And then if we haven't done the groundwork first, and then if they don't have that relationship with us, we can't correct that or countercorrect that when they're going through it. So that's why we need to have those conversations and then hopefully we help them guide them through there.

In the relationship. I never thought on my catch killers i'd be seeing here getting relationship advice maybe my parents should have given me, and my personal life wouldn't be as chaotic.

In the relationship. I never thought on my catch killers i'd be seeing here getting relationship advice maybe my parents should have given me, and my personal life wouldn't be as chaotic.

I don't think i'm the like I'm a I'm not a psychologist, but I've just watched a lot of stuff. I've watched a lot of people, I've spoken to a lot of people, and I just realized that this is so important for our kids.

I don't think i'm the like I'm a I'm not a psychologist, but I've just watched a lot of stuff. I've watched a lot of people, I've spoken to a lot of people, and I just realized that this is so important for our kids.

Yeah, very very important online stuff. Where do we start with that? Like it's the brave new world. And when we're talking about kids being victims of predators online, what are the things we've got to look out for. Because we've talked about the things to look out for in people that circulate in your environment, but your teenage kids are even younger, are sitting there in front of their computter. What are the dangers we've been online for kids to prevent them from becoming victims of sexual predators.

Yeah, very very important online stuff. Where do we start with that? Like it's the brave new world. And when we're talking about kids being victims of predators online, what are the things we've got to look out for. Because we've talked about the things to look out for in people that circulate in your environment, but your teenage kids are even younger, are sitting there in front of their computter. What are the dangers we've been online for kids to prevent them from becoming victims of sexual predators.

Yeah, so let me break it down for you into who's out there trying to prey on your children. So the first so it comes down to two types of predators online. The first one's pedophilical predatory. They're out there looking for children's images. They're out there to groom children and get those photos in. The second one is financial, so they're the sex daughters. They're extorting kids for money and that their sole purpose is to get as much out of your child as possible or out of your family as possible. So when we break that down, then there's the types of abuse. So the first one is let's start with the financial is sextortion. So it's gotten much media and it's I saw the e Safety Commissioner yesterday and stopped and said hello to her yesterday and she said that sextortion has quadrupled in the last year. They're getting so last year they had hundreds of thousands. I forgot to look it up before I came, but they had hundreds of thousands of reports to that. The Australian centered counter child exploitations. So sextortion is out of.

Yeah, so let me break it down for you into who's out there trying to prey on your children. So the first so it comes down to two types of predators online. The first one's pedophilical predatory. They're out there looking for children's images. They're out there to groom children and get those photos in. The second one is financial, so they're the sex daughters. They're extorting kids for money and that their sole purpose is to get as much out of your child as possible or out of your family as possible. So when we break that down, then there's the types of abuse. So the first one is let's start with the financial is sextortion. So it's gotten much media and it's I saw the e Safety Commissioner yesterday and stopped and said hello to her yesterday and she said that sextortion has quadrupled in the last year. They're getting so last year they had hundreds of thousands. I forgot to look it up before I came, but they had hundreds of thousands of reports to that. The Australian centered counter child exploitations. So sextortion is out of.

Cop given an example of sextortion so people understand what we're talking about because the consequences of that have been really tragic in some of the ones that have hit the media.

Cop given an example of sextortion so people understand what we're talking about because the consequences of that have been really tragic in some of the ones that have hit the media.

Yeah, so sextortion is where a I love the police terminology, but it makes me laugh because there's a player. But it's basically a person behind a screen who pretends to be a young person. So they're usually an adult, usually organized crime gang, and they're behind a screen. They're pretending to be a love interest to the child. So they will if it's a male, so they'll pretend to be a hot female basically to explain it in simple terms, and they will approach the child and they will say to the young fella, hey, you know what you're doing blah blah blah.

Yeah, so sextortion is where a I love the police terminology, but it makes me laugh because there's a player. But it's basically a person behind a screen who pretends to be a young person. So they're usually an adult, usually organized crime gang, and they're behind a screen. They're pretending to be a love interest to the child. So they will if it's a male, so they'll pretend to be a hot female basically to explain it in simple terms, and they will approach the child and they will say to the young fella, hey, you know what you're doing blah blah blah.

And this is found on social media.

And this is found on social media.

Usually Instagram, Snapchat, Discord, three big top ones. And then so what they'll do is they'll pretend to be a female. It can happen as quickly as two minutes. So they'll go straight into their DMS messaging them, and then they'll ask them for they'll share nudes first. To get past that child's resistance, they will go straight to sending nudes first or a video of them doing you know, inappropriate things. The young person. Then, because they've already got the nudes, they get asked for nuds back. And because they've already got the nudes, they already go, oh, well, they've trusted me with their nudes, I can send nudes. And they're persistent they will harass that child, So then the child will send a nude back or send some nudes back. And then once the once this predator has got the nudes, then they'll say, I'm going to send this to all your family and friends unless you send me one thousand dollars or whatever, you know. And they usually use gift cards and things like that because they know kids can't get cash. Most of the time.

Usually Instagram, Snapchat, Discord, three big top ones. And then so what they'll do is they'll pretend to be a female. It can happen as quickly as two minutes. So they'll go straight into their DMS messaging them, and then they'll ask them for they'll share nudes first. To get past that child's resistance, they will go straight to sending nudes first or a video of them doing you know, inappropriate things. The young person. Then, because they've already got the nudes, they get asked for nuds back. And because they've already got the nudes, they already go, oh, well, they've trusted me with their nudes, I can send nudes. And they're persistent they will harass that child, So then the child will send a nude back or send some nudes back. And then once the once this predator has got the nudes, then they'll say, I'm going to send this to all your family and friends unless you send me one thousand dollars or whatever, you know. And they usually use gift cards and things like that because they know kids can't get cash. Most of the time.

I can imagine a kid that's been exploited like that, how devastating it would be.

I can imagine a kid that's been exploited like that, how devastating it would be.

Like I said, it's quadrupled in the last twelve months, and they are like they are relentless, and they're even goading young people into killing themselves. So, like I said, you know, there's a really good Shadows of the Web. I think the AFP and ACE, the Australian Centered Counter Child Exploitiation, just did a documentary it's on YouTube called Shadows of the Web and they're talking about the fact that a lot of these these people who are doing this are in places like Nigeria or Thailand, you know, third world countries. They're just basically call centers of people sitting behind computers, targeting children, targeting young people, and then you know, taking advantage of them. So that's sextortion in a nutshell.

Like I said, it's quadrupled in the last twelve months, and they are like they are relentless, and they're even goading young people into killing themselves. So, like I said, you know, there's a really good Shadows of the Web. I think the AFP and ACE, the Australian Centered Counter Child Exploitiation, just did a documentary it's on YouTube called Shadows of the Web and they're talking about the fact that a lot of these these people who are doing this are in places like Nigeria or Thailand, you know, third world countries. They're just basically call centers of people sitting behind computers, targeting children, targeting young people, and then you know, taking advantage of them. So that's sextortion in a nutshell.

Okay, how do you educate your kids not to get caught up in that?

Okay, how do you educate your kids not to get caught up in that?

Well, part of that is obviously talking honestly about what's out there, and you know they're targeting children as young as ten, and so if your child's got a smartphone or a computer or chances are, chances are they're going to get approached. Now you know, we can start by building up their confidence, giving them all of those tools to you know, it's okay to say no, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. But then when they get to that age, we need to say, hey, this is what's out there. There's people that will do try and harm you on They'll ask for private, you know, inappropriate photos and videos. This is how they're going to groomy. And like I said earlier, you know, I get young people contacting me out of the blue, well from all over the world because I talk about this on TikTok and they ask me for help, and there is no help unfortunately, other than reporting it to you know, the police, the ACE in Australia e Safety Commissioner. There is help in that way, but these people already have the images of videos or photos. There's no way to get them back. The best thing you can do in that moment is to stop conversing with them, take screenshots of everything, stop conversing with them, block and report them on whatever app they are on, and get some support from a parent or a safe adult. Report it to ACE, because the minute you pay them, they're not going to let go.

Well, part of that is obviously talking honestly about what's out there, and you know they're targeting children as young as ten, and so if your child's got a smartphone or a computer or chances are, chances are they're going to get approached. Now you know, we can start by building up their confidence, giving them all of those tools to you know, it's okay to say no, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. But then when they get to that age, we need to say, hey, this is what's out there. There's people that will do try and harm you on They'll ask for private, you know, inappropriate photos and videos. This is how they're going to groomy. And like I said earlier, you know, I get young people contacting me out of the blue, well from all over the world because I talk about this on TikTok and they ask me for help, and there is no help unfortunately, other than reporting it to you know, the police, the ACE in Australia e Safety Commissioner. There is help in that way, but these people already have the images of videos or photos. There's no way to get them back. The best thing you can do in that moment is to stop conversing with them, take screenshots of everything, stop conversing with them, block and report them on whatever app they are on, and get some support from a parent or a safe adult. Report it to ACE, because the minute you pay them, they're not going to let go.

Okay, they've got their hook in you and they keep going. You talked about building scaffolding protection and all that, and when you're talking about that one thing that I'd take us back to, you were saying that you've got to get that message in across to your children. No matter what's happened, you can tell me about it, because I would understand if if kids have got to the point where they take their own lives on that they're so ashamed of what's happened and they haven't felt comfortable coming out and talking about it. But it's just so sad if these things are happening. So again, no matter what you've done, we all make mistakes. Come and come and speak to us and reinforce that.

Okay, they've got their hook in you and they keep going. You talked about building scaffolding protection and all that, and when you're talking about that one thing that I'd take us back to, you were saying that you've got to get that message in across to your children. No matter what's happened, you can tell me about it, because I would understand if if kids have got to the point where they take their own lives on that they're so ashamed of what's happened and they haven't felt comfortable coming out and talking about it. But it's just so sad if these things are happening. So again, no matter what you've done, we all make mistakes. Come and come and speak to us and reinforce that.

Yeah, and be honest with your kids about that, like it's okay if you make mistakes. I made mistakes as a teenager. I made mistakes, you know, and also breaking it down and saying you're not a bad person if you make a mistake. Sometimes we do things that are like our behavior is about or not appropriate or not right, but you the person are an amazing person and you're not a bad person. Because when we pull the behavior away from the individual, then it makes it so much more easier to understand that what you did was wrong, but you are still an amazing here.

Yeah, and be honest with your kids about that, like it's okay if you make mistakes. I made mistakes as a teenager. I made mistakes, you know, and also breaking it down and saying you're not a bad person if you make a mistake. Sometimes we do things that are like our behavior is about or not appropriate or not right, but you the person are an amazing person and you're not a bad person. Because when we pull the behavior away from the individual, then it makes it so much more easier to understand that what you did was wrong, but you are still an amazing here.

Yeah, it's a good way to break it up. It's an important message. So okay, sextortion, that's one.

Yeah, it's a good way to break it up. It's an important message. So okay, sextortion, that's one.

What about gloomy Okay, So we go into two different aspects of this. So the grooming can be where someone's just looking. So we've got you know, the dark web has a like chat room after chat room of how to get images off children. So these people are basically training each other on how to do it, and they share children's if they get If one predator gets you know, images or videos off a child, they'll share their user name and say, now your turn, you go and try and get some like they're just you know, they're all over. And so how they do that is online grooming. They have befriend the child if they're under twelve, usually they'll befriend the child and pretend to be the same age. Over twelve or maybe closer to fourteen, they might pretend to be someone just a bit older. So they'll try and ment multiple ways. And I'm saying this, one predator can have multiple different usernames, different profiles, and they could be trying to get this child's images or videos from multiple different piles. So their whole purpose is to get those images and photos and to basically groom that child into a believing they're in a relationship or friendship with that person.

What about gloomy Okay, So we go into two different aspects of this. So the grooming can be where someone's just looking. So we've got you know, the dark web has a like chat room after chat room of how to get images off children. So these people are basically training each other on how to do it, and they share children's if they get If one predator gets you know, images or videos off a child, they'll share their user name and say, now your turn, you go and try and get some like they're just you know, they're all over. And so how they do that is online grooming. They have befriend the child if they're under twelve, usually they'll befriend the child and pretend to be the same age. Over twelve or maybe closer to fourteen, they might pretend to be someone just a bit older. So they'll try and ment multiple ways. And I'm saying this, one predator can have multiple different usernames, different profiles, and they could be trying to get this child's images or videos from multiple different piles. So their whole purpose is to get those images and photos and to basically groom that child into a believing they're in a relationship or friendship with that person.

Yeah okay, and other things that with the computer about where they're trying to meet with the child, like that type of grooming. Because I know the police have been proactive, and I love it when they catch these people that have been online and thinking they're meeting the child and they turn up and there's a big, ugly I know, a detective sergeant there.

Yeah okay, and other things that with the computer about where they're trying to meet with the child, like that type of grooming. Because I know the police have been proactive, and I love it when they catch these people that have been online and thinking they're meeting the child and they turn up and there's a big, ugly I know, a detective sergeant there.

I just wish there was more of that, you know that. Sadly, I don't know the statistics on this, but it's not happening as much as it used to, as in because there's so much inappropriate content with children, right, so many and one of the types of abuse that we see is self produced content. So the child thinks they're talking to another child, or they think they're talking to a love interest, and they're encouraged to take photos, images, do do something sexually explicit online and then the child doesn't even know that they're talking to an adult, right, And that's self produced content. And the Internet Watch Foundation over in the UK, who's a not for profit, They actually track all of these. They track these websites and they basically take all of get the websites taken down. Their hell purpose is to basically scan the Internet and find this stuff. Right, And the largest group of abuse happens between eleven and thirteen year eleven and thirteen girls. The next biggest group is seven to ten girls. And then this is self produced content. And then the last group is three to six year old girls. Right okay, And everyone says to me, how Christy, how three to six year olds? Well, three year olds know how to take photos? And they if someone's telling them what to do online or a six year old, so they basically track it. They classify the content that they're seeing ABC one, two, three should have say, and they are basically sending it off to law enforcement. So self produce content is massive because kids are online. They don't realize that they're talking to an adult. They're taking their own basically nudes and sending it to someone they think they're trusting online or because they're coerced or they're bullied or there.

I just wish there was more of that, you know that. Sadly, I don't know the statistics on this, but it's not happening as much as it used to, as in because there's so much inappropriate content with children, right, so many and one of the types of abuse that we see is self produced content. So the child thinks they're talking to another child, or they think they're talking to a love interest, and they're encouraged to take photos, images, do do something sexually explicit online and then the child doesn't even know that they're talking to an adult, right, And that's self produced content. And the Internet Watch Foundation over in the UK, who's a not for profit, They actually track all of these. They track these websites and they basically take all of get the websites taken down. Their hell purpose is to basically scan the Internet and find this stuff. Right, And the largest group of abuse happens between eleven and thirteen year eleven and thirteen girls. The next biggest group is seven to ten girls. And then this is self produced content. And then the last group is three to six year old girls. Right okay, And everyone says to me, how Christy, how three to six year olds? Well, three year olds know how to take photos? And they if someone's telling them what to do online or a six year old, so they basically track it. They classify the content that they're seeing ABC one, two, three should have say, and they are basically sending it off to law enforcement. So self produce content is massive because kids are online. They don't realize that they're talking to an adult. They're taking their own basically nudes and sending it to someone they think they're trusting online or because they're coerced or they're bullied or there.

Well, so all the stuff you're talking it just requires that communication between the parent and the child, doesn't it look out for this because as a kid, if you don't have this conversation, and we don't have the luxury of not having these conversations now from it. Just as we were told don't talk to strangers back in our day, this is a different world and you cannot afford not to have these conversations with your children.

Well, so all the stuff you're talking it just requires that communication between the parent and the child, doesn't it look out for this because as a kid, if you don't have this conversation, and we don't have the luxury of not having these conversations now from it. Just as we were told don't talk to strangers back in our day, this is a different world and you cannot afford not to have these conversations with your children.

Yeah, So the online disinhibition effect, it's an actual thing. Talk us through that, Yeah, coined by a psychologist like twenty plus years ago. So kids think because they're behind this device, they no one knows them. And that's a that's part of the the prose of the internet. Because for instance, and I had this conversation yesterday, someone said, is there any benefits to social media and online for kids? And I said, well, think about it from the point of view, if you are a person living with a disability, you're not disabled online. So there is prose because you can be in that space and you can feel that no one knows who you are, and so that's the positive. But the negative is you're anonymous, so therefore you can act and behave however you want, and you know behind to be accountability without the accountability. That's another part of the online disinhibition effect, Oh my goodness, is because they feel like they don't there's no one accountable. I mean, yes, police do go and arrest people, but it's not as many people as we want because there's just too much going online. And then there's the fact that it feels like a game. It feels like it's not real life when we abuse someone online or we say something or we send that nude and adults get caught up in this as well. You can just go on any comment section on say elbows social media and you see it all.

Yeah, So the online disinhibition effect, it's an actual thing. Talk us through that, Yeah, coined by a psychologist like twenty plus years ago. So kids think because they're behind this device, they no one knows them. And that's a that's part of the the prose of the internet. Because for instance, and I had this conversation yesterday, someone said, is there any benefits to social media and online for kids? And I said, well, think about it from the point of view, if you are a person living with a disability, you're not disabled online. So there is prose because you can be in that space and you can feel that no one knows who you are, and so that's the positive. But the negative is you're anonymous, so therefore you can act and behave however you want, and you know behind to be accountability without the accountability. That's another part of the online disinhibition effect, Oh my goodness, is because they feel like they don't there's no one accountable. I mean, yes, police do go and arrest people, but it's not as many people as we want because there's just too much going online. And then there's the fact that it feels like a game. It feels like it's not real life when we abuse someone online or we say something or we send that nude and adults get caught up in this as well. You can just go on any comment section on say elbows social media and you see it all.

No, it's a well, I won't say a new world that's been around a long time now, but it's a different world that we've got to become accustomed to. Okay, let's say that your child has come and spoken to you and said that they've been sexually abused or in whatever terminology. What's the steps that you should should take. How do you break that down? Have you got examples or yeah?

No, it's a well, I won't say a new world that's been around a long time now, but it's a different world that we've got to become accustomed to. Okay, let's say that your child has come and spoken to you and said that they've been sexually abused or in whatever terminology. What's the steps that you should should take. How do you break that down? Have you got examples or yeah?

So the first thing we should always do is thank you for telling me, or say, you know, thank you for telling me, because I think you know, the best thing that anyone could ever hear is that it's okay to say what you're saying, and it's I know it's hard you say. You know, you basically tell them thank you, you're so brave, how you know, and just check in with them, Are you okay right now? Do I need to do anything to make you feel safe right now? Because in that moment it took a huge amount of courage. There their actual mental and health, well, their well being and their health right in that moment is the most important thing. If there's a safety risk to the child right in that moment, then we need to get police onto it straight away. You know, if they're having to go home to the perpetrator, or they're about to go to the perpetrator's house or whatever, we need police involved straight away.

So the first thing we should always do is thank you for telling me, or say, you know, thank you for telling me, because I think you know, the best thing that anyone could ever hear is that it's okay to say what you're saying, and it's I know it's hard you say. You know, you basically tell them thank you, you're so brave, how you know, and just check in with them, Are you okay right now? Do I need to do anything to make you feel safe right now? Because in that moment it took a huge amount of courage. There their actual mental and health, well, their well being and their health right in that moment is the most important thing. If there's a safety risk to the child right in that moment, then we need to get police onto it straight away. You know, if they're having to go home to the perpetrator, or they're about to go to the perpetrator's house or whatever, we need police involved straight away.

Okay. So it could be a shared custody scenario, It could be a child telling an auntie that she doesn't want to go home with all sorts of things. So if it gets to that point, you've got to.

Okay. So it could be a shared custody scenario, It could be a child telling an auntie that she doesn't want to go home with all sorts of things. So if it gets to that point, you've got to.

Take immediate action.

Take immediate action.

Yeah, yeah, there's no excuse for just we'll see how this plays out. Okay. The type of things that you should ask the child or would you suggest Okay, if it's you get a little bit of information and then pass it on to the police or pass it on to the appropriate authorities. What's your initial conversation. Do you go for all the details?

Yeah, yeah, there's no excuse for just we'll see how this plays out. Okay. The type of things that you should ask the child or would you suggest Okay, if it's you get a little bit of information and then pass it on to the police or pass it on to the appropriate authorities. What's your initial conversation. Do you go for all the details?

No, okay, you allow the child to tell you what they want to tell you. You know, as long as they are able to identify something's happened. You know, you don't need to ask all of the questions because the police need to ask that. And you know, if the child's forthcoming with what they're telling you, then that's fine because but don't get into and unfortunately it's really hard for parents and people who love children, their child to not go what did they do? How much? You know, because that's quite traumatizing if you think about, you know, being interrogating them about what's.

No, okay, you allow the child to tell you what they want to tell you. You know, as long as they are able to identify something's happened. You know, you don't need to ask all of the questions because the police need to ask that. And you know, if the child's forthcoming with what they're telling you, then that's fine because but don't get into and unfortunately it's really hard for parents and people who love children, their child to not go what did they do? How much? You know, because that's quite traumatizing if you think about, you know, being interrogating them about what's.

Happening, traumatized and also potentially contaminating evidence down the track. And like you are specialist in that interviewing children, and all different police forces have those skill sets. Yes, but it's a specialist skill. It's about not asking leading questions, letting the kid tell the story, creating an environment they're comfortable in that type of thing. So get the version from the child, assess it on the information, the circumstances, and then take action.

Happening, traumatized and also potentially contaminating evidence down the track. And like you are specialist in that interviewing children, and all different police forces have those skill sets. Yes, but it's a specialist skill. It's about not asking leading questions, letting the kid tell the story, creating an environment they're comfortable in that type of thing. So get the version from the child, assess it on the information, the circumstances, and then take action.

Yeah, contact police if it's something that well, you need to contact police anyway, come on. But a lot of children when they tell someone, they just want to tell someone, so they're going to go, Please don't tell anyone, Please don't tell police, you know. And as an adults, as an individual who you know, we need to make sure that children understand they've done nothing wrong.

Yeah, contact police if it's something that well, you need to contact police anyway, come on. But a lot of children when they tell someone, they just want to tell someone, so they're going to go, Please don't tell anyone, Please don't tell police, you know. And as an adults, as an individual who you know, we need to make sure that children understand they've done nothing wrong.

That's such an important thing because a lot of a lot of the offenders create that belief in the child's head that they're complicit in the thing that's being done. Yep.

That's such an important thing because a lot of a lot of the offenders create that belief in the child's head that they're complicit in the thing that's being done. Yep.

And they make children feel like they're either in a relationship or that they're special, and they've done all of this stuff to make this child completely not complete. It's not the word that to make this child believe that that if they tell someone, they're going to get in trouble, or if they tell someone, the offender is going to get in trouble. And you know, children just sometimes and this is something this is a hard thing for most people to understand, is children do not want their abusers to be in trouble. Ultimately, it's only when you become an adult and you have adult feels and emotions and you realize the damage has done this when you go right, I want them to, you know, be responsible for what happened. Children just wanted to stop. And so we need to handle children with care. We need to make sure that they know that it's not their fault, that they didn't do anything wrong, that what that adult did is you know, they've been the ones who've done something wrong. And I had a person on my podcast say to me, she's from Tasmania and she said to me, one hundred percent of the girls in her family and seventy five percent of the boys in her family have been sexually abused. And she said, and she was dealing with a cousin who was, you know, going through the court process with her offender. And she said, has anyone ever said to you that you actually did nothing wrong and this is not your fault? And she said, no one, And she was a thirty year old woman.