We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This is How Men Think? And I heard radio podcast. Hey, everybody's Bob guinea here. Welcome to How Men Think. I am your guest host for the show this week, which I'm very excited about. Um, very proud to be here. I think I was on one of the early episodes of How Men Think. And I will tell you the early answer to How Men Think is is not enough. It's it's never enough. Men don't think much at all, at least I don't. And so I'm proud to be here, excited to go through my thought processes with you on everything that has anything to do with relationships and all the things I seem to be really bad at. Um. Anyway, I'm Bob Guiney. UM. You probably know me, if you know me at all, from The Bachelor stuff, which is a long, long, long time ago. Um, pre Ben Higgins. So it's like it's like p b h pre pre Ben Higgins or post Ben Higgins, is how I look at it. I'm in the pre era, so before Jason Mesnick. I mean it goes way back, guys, before Jessie Palmer who's now hosting The Bachelor. To give you an idea. Um, but I was on the first season of The Bachelorette actually with Trista, and then they gave me my own season of The Bachelor right after that, and um that was season four. So to give you an idea, I think we're at season like sixty one right now the Bachelor. So pretty crazy stuff, um, but a lot of fun. Not much has changed on the format of the show from then to now. Then it was in black and white, now it's in technicolor. So other than that, I think we're pretty good. Um. But also went on to host a segment on the Today's show called the mentel All Panel, which I think really primes me perfectly for hosting the show today. For what men think, We're gonna have some fun. We're gonna answer some questions and then we're gonna open it up test some live callers Colin and Haze me, which would be enjoyable and um, and that's kind of thing we're gonna do today, So it's gonna be great. Um. I will let you guys know ahead of time. I am married now no longer a bachelor, even though I still get called Bachelor Bob all the time from all the stuff I got to do with Oprah and she would always say Bachelor Bob as she would do, and uh, it seems like that one stuck. So everywhere I go it's like, you know, pizza for Bachelor Bob. I'm like, thanks, guys, thank you so much. Um, but I wanted to do some questions. We want to do some questions so that you guys could get an idea to know a little bit about me. So, um, what are you known for? Tell us about yourself. I think I handled that right mostly Bachelor Stuff. Hosted a bunch of home renovation shows over the years. I was also musician, playing a band called Band from TV, which is made up of Hugh Laurie from House who's Doctor House, Jesse Spencer, who was also on House at one time but they became Lieutenant Casey on Chicago Fire. And then if you're a sci fi lover, we've got Scott Grimes from the Orville who's in the band, and myself a bunch of guys from Heroes, the old TV show Heroes. I mean, there's a there's a ton of people that kind of rattle around inside the band. But the coolest thing is we give it all a charity. So we'll play all these corporate gigs for all these different places, and we'll give all that money to charity, which is a lot of fun. So my charity is the Children's Hospital Los Angeles and Lucas l A, which are two causes that means something to me. And uh, Children's Hospital I started supporting even before I had kids. Um and UM. I really just always felt like kids shouldn't have to worry about medicine and stuff. They should play and have fun and be a kid. So now that I have kids, I can tell you that that actually resonates with me even more now than it did when I first started supporting these charities. And um, I have a three and a half year old whose name is Grayson, and I have an eleven month old or no, I'm sorry, he's still he just turned one. He just turned one last week, so don't tell my wife. I said that I have a one year old named Blake and uh. And I waited until I was forty seven to have kids intentionally, which I'm totally kidding because it wasn't intentional. But uh, now I'm I'm older than that. Obviously, I'm fifty one and I got two kids under the age of four. So it's kind of kind of bananas to have that going on at this stage in the game, especially when I went into Ralph's to buy some some booze and really, you know, uh cute lady there taken, you know, and she's like, oh, I need to see your ID. I'm sorry, you know. So I hand her my idea and she looks at it and at first I thought, oh, my god, you know, she's she's really cute. And then uh, she's like, oh my god, you the same age as my dad. And that stressed me out, caused me shame, and uh, you know, I've been binge eating ever since, so you know, I eat my feelings. So anyway, that's where we are with that one. UM married for uh let's see, married for for or six years and m yeah, So I just moved back to Detroit, which is my hometown. UM had been living on the West coas US for the last twenty some years, and I wanted to move back home and to be closer to my family, and uh, in the process, UH lost my dad when I moved back home, and I was thankful to be here, uh to be with him, and so uh, that's it for my personal life. Um, as far as it goes. Uh, three shows I'm binge watching. Alright, three shows I'm bene watching. I got a couple for you right now. One Queen of the South. Awesome show. I am hardcore watching that one. I'm kind of deep on it right now. I'm almost to the last season. So I then started rewatching or re binge watching ted Lasso, which I love. I love that show. Also up for twenty Emmy nominations, by the way, just as a sidebar for you, very deserving, I think, Um, those are the two that I'm bene watching. I don't think I have a third right now. I'll have to find a third for you. But Queen of the South. I highly recommended ted Lasso if you haven't heard of it, Like, dude, what's up? Honestly, it's a huge show and very amazing. And um I did finish. Oh god, what was the show? I just finished? Um? Oh, Outer Banks, which a little embarrassing, a little embarrassed, admit that one. It's sort of like you know, Saved by the Bell reboot but on an island, um, but still gripping, awesome cast, good show. So there's three shows favorite food. Um, I gotta go Mexican on this one. I'm a huge lover of all things nacho related, even breakfast nachos, which some might know are called Chilea kles. But I have actually happened to love Mexican food. And but I really don't find too many foods that I don't love. Clearly, unlike one of the former hosts of the show, I am not the most fit man in America. He was ripped and yoked and I like to rip bread and shove it in my mouth and eat yolks of eggs. A career, yeah, so my career UM started off with music. Was really lucky. UM signed a record deal right out of college. This is way back in the day, and as a result, that's how the people from The Bachelor found me, and Um, I was one of the people that I never auditioned for The Bachelor. I actually, uh, I wouldn't have thought of myself in that in that regard, so they approached me. Well, actually, my a couple of people at a company I worked with submitted my information about me knowing it, so by the time they flew me out there, it was like it was two weeks before the show started a month before the show started, and that was for Trista this season. But that kick started my career and then um, obviously, then The Bachelor came after that, and then Oprah was a big fan of the show at the time, and Oprah I thought I was funny. So Oprah made me her Man on the Street and I did a bunch of segments with her, did her show a ton and um it was pretty awesome. Uh kind of learned how to do interviews from doing the Oprah Show basically, and uh from there, it kind of launched me to work for The View, which at the time was a much different show than it is today. Um, a lot less political, a lot more fun, I think, um. And so I went to work with The View the ABC daytime for several years, and then I started hosting a bunch of HDTV stuff and UM TLC and you name the network. I was probably on it at some point doing a show that is very forgetful. But I had a long string of those game shows. UM never you know, obviously never left music and stayed with the band from TV stuff and UM, so yeah, it's been pretty rewarding. Now I actually host a deal or no deal, which I don't know if you guys remember that show with Howie Mandel and the twenty briefcase models back in the day. And so now I'm hosting that as well, which is a reboot of that, and there's a live version of that which is pretty cool. And um, on top of that, you know, trying to hold down my day job, which I also never quit, so I stayed. I never just left for entertainment, even when I was doing all the other stuff. I always kept my uh my feet in the finance world. And so I still kick around there quite a bit, um with a bunch of great companies and in one in particular, uh called Lincoln Financial, which is a great company and allows me a lot of flexibility. They're very nice. My biggest fear in life, Okay, this is one I think is is very telling, right, So I would say at one point I would have said clowns who were kidding. Clowns are terrifying. There's nothing even funny about a clown. It's just scary as hell. But now that I have kids, um, I mean god, I mean the list goes on, right, I mean from fear now, like the biggest fear I have now is is something happening to one of my kids or you know, not being there when the scary part of Mowana comes on. I mean, there's a lot of things to be concerned about as a dad, so I'm dialed into that stuff now. But I say, clowns are still probably on my list pretty you know, top three easy. Biggest pet peeve I got so many. I fly a lot, I travel a lot, and um, I hate sitting next to people wearing flip flops. Drives me crazy. I don't know why. I don't really know why I'm so irritated by it. Um. But it's also a very gender specific thing. The lady has nice feet and is wearing flip flops. I don't have a problem if a dude gets on the plane with a flip flop. I needed, I need to move my seat, you know. And I would literally go from first class to the back of the plane if I if I had to sit next to some dude with stinky feet. Um, that's that's probably it. What makes me the most happy? Oh man, so many things, uh, you know, I mean a nice tetos and soda with lemon always makes me happy. Um. Of course, you know, as a dad, I say my kids, I probably top of the list. They probably usurp the tetos and soda with lemon um, but I would say it's a pretty close second. Just kidding. What is my ideal Saturday morning? This again, this is one of the things so I used to always say, even when I was a bachelor, I had this thing where I was like, you know, what's your perfect Sunday morning? For me, it was all about Sunday mornings because I had a thing back then called no talk Sundays, and I loved them. I love them single dude. You know, I just I didn't want to have to have conversations with people on Sundays. I wasn't going to brunch on a Sunday. I just wanted to be on the couch or in the pool or whatever and not have to deal with a bunch of drama. You know. So I was always like, I think Sundays, on the seventh day, I'll rest and I will allow myself to not have to speak to anybody. And so that would still be an ideal day um to have occasionally. And for someone who really loves to talk like I do, that's probably shocking to uh, to anyone who knows me. But I actually do kind of love having those days that are you know, no talk days. But um, yeah, I'd say this probably still resonates. And then I would also say, now, you know, uh, if the kids would sleep in, that would be an ideal Saturday morning or Sunday morning. Right now, both my both my ons, uh, you know, they're they're fidgety and making some noise at like six am every day. So needless to say, a few extra titoes and sodas the night before don't really have you feeling super good at six am, and especially when you aren't just waking up and lounging, you're waking up and going after it, you know, like kids. That's the one thing I learned at my right page is that kids don't really have like a chill button. They wake up at six am and it's you know, full speed ahead. They want to play, they want to go outside, they want to you know, take a car ride, they want to you know, wrestle. I mean, it's it's endless, it's awesome, but it's definitely not something for the faint of heart. Are you more of the athlete or the armshare quarterback? So I was an athlete my whole life. I played football in college and played a bunch of sports previous to that, and UM, considered myself still a pretty good athlete. I guess up until a few years ago, UM, when I just my body just started falling. Apart from all the needs, surgeries and everything else, but I would say I was definitely an athlete for the longest period of time. And now I'm probably a little mix of both. Like right now, I'm trying to get myself into pickleball and h I'm very judgy of other pickle ballers. Uh. You know, I've only played once, but I still think I'm super good at it. Um basketball, love to play basketball, still love to throw the football around, trying to get my son to, you know, play t ball with me, and uh, but I think when I think about myself as an athlete now, I'm probably more of a a you know, what do you call it? Be a bag thrower like cornhole? Right, so, um that's my sport now bowling, although I don't bowl, but if I did, that would be a good one. Lawn darts, you know, low impact, uh, loll im pet and uh, high scoring potential. What keeps you motivated. Um, I've always been a pretty motivated person, so I'm someone who's I'm very self motivated. Um. I like to think that, you know, I'm getting out of bed every day, I'm gonna do something fun. If it's not fun, why do it. It's kind of always been my mantra um. But you know, now having children, and you know, I think it's gonna be awesome. It's gonna keep me young. Right, I'm still gonna look like their grandpa t ball games or softball games or baseball games, whatever sports they play as I get older, which is just gonna happen, right. You know, I'm gonna be like the my ten year olds game. They'll be like, oh yeah, Grandpa is so nice coming to all these games. My walker was like, no, that's that's my dad. Um, So that's gonna be my life regardless. But um, you know, I think it's gonna keep me young at heart anyway. I mean, so if nothing else, I'm gonna you know, remain active enough, uh to have you know, two boys at least until they're both eighteen. So that gives me, that gives me tom seventy ish close to it anyway. So yeah, I would say that's a pretty big motivator. You know, I want my kids to have things that I didn't have as a kid, which, um, frankly, I had had amazing parents, an amazing family. I didn't want for much. But you know, the times are changing, so I gotta get you know, I gotta get an iPhone in first grade. I guess, I don't know. I don't know what the deal is. I'm trying to find like a manual on that because I think it might be a little early first grade, you know, maybe sixth grade, seventh grade, tenth grade. I don't really know. I'd like to know. I'd like to know what all the parents out there think. Um, but uh yeah, that's what I would say. Keeps me motivated, are uh is keeping up with my kids and making sure that you know, they still will listen to me even if I can't hear them properly. So all right, so that's our eleven questions with me. That's the top of the show here for how men think. And we're gonna take a quick break and when we come back, we're gonna take some questions from some of you all, So stick with us, everybody, Welcome back. To How Men Think. I am your guest host for the week, Bob Guinea. We are very excited. We got some live callers calling in to ask me some questions, and I don't know what they are. I'm gonna try and do my very best to answer them honestly or not, depending on the question, but you're never gonna know the difference, so I guess it doesn't matter. But yeah, we're back here with How Men Think. Let's go to our first caller calling in. Her name is Joe Anne. Hi, Jolianne. How are you? I'm great. How are you doing, Bob? I'm doing great. Thanks for calling into How Men Think? I mean, this is I guess it's unusual that I would expect it to I thought it would have been a guy calling. I don't know why it doesn't. I should have expected a woman. So thanks for colin. I mean, we're trying to find out how men think here, right, So let me hopefully I can answer your questions. So what do you got for me? Well, I am divorced in my forties and I just don't know if like men are interested like dating someone like me. I'm for you one, No kids, are people interested in that? In addition to that, are they like, how do I get in the dating game? I literally have no idea how to navigate any of this. Yeah, and how long were you married before you get divorced? We were married for ten years? Okay, so you got married at what thirty one? Right? And got divorced at for any one? You know? I mean honestly, I happened to also be a previously divorced person, and I can honestly say sometimes life begins after divorce, you know what I mean? So I think you'd be I think you'd be doing yourself a disservice by trying to, like, you know, pigeonhole yourself as do people want to date someone like me? I'm forty want to divorced. I mean more than of the population is divorced or has been divorced, right, So I get it, though, you feel like when you go through a divorce, if you're anything like me, even if you wanted the divorce, you still feel like a bit of a like you failed at something you know, or you feel like you have this stigma about you because maybe you're the only person in your family immediate family that got divorced and everyone else has stayed together or whatever that was the case with me anyway, was you know, my sister and brother in law have been together like thirty some years. My parents, you know, we celebrated their fifty sixth wedding anniversary before my dad passed. And it's like, you know, and here I was, you know, getting divorced, you know, and UM, but I feel like life kind of begins a little bit after that because you know, now you know what you want and you know who you are, and you're really comfortable, I would think, or at least if you're not, then that's your first thing to do is get comfortable, you know, get comfortable with yourself because you know, UM, the best part about this and I say this as someone who I was also divorced without kids, that's that's a good thing, um, because you know, one of the things that UM, I think would have been hard for me, and this is just speaking personally if I did have kids with one of my access was having that relationship kind of continue in my life while I was trying to find you know, trying to have a new one. And UM, I mean, are you like that? Would you think you would have felt that same way? Because it is almost like a burden released that you don't you didn't have kids previously. I feel like that is the case, just because my relationship was definitely tumultuous, so I don't know if the co parenting thing would have worked out. But at the same time, you know how people have that judgment on your this age, you've been married and you don't have kids. That's weird. Yeah, people judge everything. People suck to a certain degree. And I don't know if I can say that, but I would say that that is kind of true because everybody lives in this glass house and there, you know. I mean I can say this. I I just did this article for some magazine recently. I can't remember what it was. And they asked me, like, you know, if you had advice to give to a um, to a parent, what would your vice be, And and I said, actually, my vice wouldn't be to parents. My advice with people who aren't parents. Stop judging parents. You know, Like it's tough, right, Like you you go to a restaurant and you sit down and you see some kids sitting there with an iPad and you're like, oh my god, if my kid will never do that. Uh, yeah, they will, and you want them to do that so you can have like five minutes to eat your spaghetti because your kid is driving you bananas. And I say that as someone who loves my kids. So it's like, you know, until we walk, you know, in somebody else's shoes, it's really easy to judge. And it might be that might be some of your own judgment too, because I know I did that to myself, Like I was like, oh my god, people are gonna think I'm a total loser, you know, I mean, go on the Bachelor, end up being divorced, and you know, because I actually met and married someone who wasn't on the show and we end up getting divorced. And it was you know obviously you know, public and all that kind of stuff, and it sucked because I was pre judging me for everyone else. In my mind, I'm like, they probably think this of me when you know, I think I think we give ourselves a little too much pressure in that regard because everybody, I think is so worried about their own life right now that they don't really even have time to focus on yours, you know what I mean. So it's like I think, I mean, you know, so it's almost easier for you to give yourself a break and just be like, look, man, I'm doing me now. I'm forty one, I'm single. I don't need a relationship. I don't need a man to make me happy. But I'm gonna make myself happy first and then who knows, you know, maybe I'll step into something that will be awesome. And um, that that really did happen to me. Like I met my wife, uh, my now wife, Um, I didn't want to be married. I was like, yeah, I'm never getting me. I told her I was never getting married, and uh, that was clearly wrong because now I'm married with two kids, So I totally screwed that up. But I was so focused just on being happy with myself and not worrying about trying to find the next whatever. And I think, um, you know, I think that's that's a powerful position for you to be in. So you know, I think you shouldn't. You should try to celebrate it a little bit and give yourself a bit of a break. I hope that helps. Thank you so much. Yes, you're welcome. It's nice talking to you. Thank you, Hey, Jada, thanks for calling Holman. Thank how are you I'm doing good. How are you doing. I'm doing pretty well today. Thanks. You have a question for me? They do? Um. So, I've been married for about five years now, and my husband and I we just had a baby girl, and she's beautiful and I love her. Uh, but lately I've been kind of feeling like my husband is pulling away because of course, like our priority has been around the baby. And yeah, we're just not as close like intimately as we as we used to be. So it's been an adjustment for both of us. And I just want to I want to get some advice on how to get the spark going again. Uh. Is this your first your first child? Yes? Okay? And how old is she? She's about six months now, okay, okay, So yeah, so we're not too far off. I have a one year old just turned one. Um, baby boy. Maybe they'll meet someday, who knows, maybe they'll date. This would be amazing. Um, excuse me. And then I also have a three year old. You know, I mean it's tough, I'll say, honestly, you know, it's I don't think there's any boiler plate and for this, I mean, at the end of the day, it's like you know, your priorities have shifted, and as they should, you know, and it's hard because you're you know, all of your time and energy and effort is going towards keeping this beautiful little baby alive and healthy. And you know, the baby doesn't care if you guys are gonna have you know, mommy and Daddy night date night, the babies starts crying date nights over, you know, And um, I mean my wife and I struggle with it too, I think, uh, I think everybody does you know? And um man, I this is gonna be uh maybe a terrible thing to say, but I love counseling, like therapy, and I never really did it. I grew up in the Midwest. It wasn't really something that you know, we did where I was from and where I grew up. And then I landed on the West Coast for a long time and there it's like, you know, you have your therapist, and you have your chiropractor, and you have you know, everybody on speed dial. Um. But it's nice to get into a room with somebody and you can do it now, you know, post COVID, you can do it online. You can do an online session even where you you, you and your husband can just sit there and have someone else to talk to you about what's going on and how you're feeling and you know, what's bothering each of you, but also just what's concerning you, right, I mean, because everything that we get upset about or irritated by generally is driven from fear, right, whether it's fear of what's going to happen in the future, or fear of dealing with what we're dealing with, you know right now. I mean there's a million things. And like I said, I think every couple goes through it, especially when they have a child. So I don't think you're that far off. Um, but I also understand what you're saying. It's like, you know, you want to communicate better, and you want to you know. I mean, like, for for my wife and I are big thing was, you know, we wanted to learn how to disagree, learn how to fight, not not you know, fight fight, but like learn how to have an argument without just immediately shutting the other person down. And um, you know, and I think those kind of things come from frustration and exhaustion. I mean, you probably haven't slept well in a while, you know, because you've got a six month old, so I think, you know, give yourself a little bit of a break. I think I think you're you're you know, all you all you, each of you can do is as much as you can do. And if you know, if the if the relationship is worth the effort, which it sounds like it is, and you have a new baby and everything else, then it might be helpful to talk to somebody that will just listen to the two of you, not necessarily sit there and bitch about each other, but like to talk about you know, what's you know, what's causing you concern, and what's making you nervous, and what's making you upset, and you know, if you're feeling, uh like you want to be physical more than he is or vice versa, you know, what do we do about that? And you know, I mean, I'd love to say I had answers for that kind of stuff, but at the end of the day, I think the biggest answer is just to to give yourself the freedom of knowing that you're kind of in the middle of this, you know, period of your life where things are changing rapidly and hugely, in that you know your guy's responsibility is no more just your commitment to each other, but as your commitment to your kid and then but you still can't forget about that commitment to each other either. So you know, my wife and I have struggled with it too. So I think you to know you're not alone. I hope that helps a little. Um, But other than that, you know, I would say, definitely try try to find someone to kind of bridge the gap for you guys conversationally, and maybe you'll be in a good spot where you can, you know, um, arrive at at something that works for both of you. You know. Awesome, Thank you, You're welcome. I hope it helps, it does I I think it will for sure. Awesome. Well, good luck with it. And next time I'm hosting this thing called back and we can talk about how it went, and I'll tell you how it's going for me to Okay, that sounds good, all right, awesome, Thanks Jada, Thank you. Hi Delaney, you're on homn Think with Bob Guinny. How are you good? How are you? I'm doing well? Thanks? What are you calling in for today? What kind of questions you got? So? I'm single, but I've had a few instances where I've had amazing conversations with the guy while I was out and I feel like we connected and divided. But they've never asked for my number at the end of the night. And so I guess my question is if they don't ask for it, does that mean they aren't interested? And is it too forward to ask for their numbers? Is do you guys like that if we do? I think totally. I think you should totally ask for the numbers if you're if you're feeling a vibe from them, and you know, and there's a different way to do it too. You know. I had someone one time who I thought was it was pretty cool. She actually she said, let me see your phone and I was like what And she put my like her number in my phone and hit send and it like called her, you know, and she's like, Okay, now we have each other's numbers and um. And it was kind of cute and flirty and funny. Um. And it was it was a different way to do it, you know, but it was like it was kind of it was kind of cool because if it was for that moment, at least it worked for our situation. You know. It was casual and it was fun, and and it wasn't anything like you know, uh, it wasn't anything where it was like someone felt like they had to put something in their calendar to call on a certain date and you know, be held to the you know, to anything. But it was it was also cool though, because you know, later that night, like she texted, it was like, you know, it was a great meeting you tonight, blah blah blah blah. And I'm sure you have a million phone numbers in your phone, my names, you know, Jenny or whatever. And it was like I was like, oh my god, that's so that's cool. You know, it was like a different way to go about it. So I don't think in and you know, in the life of the day we live in right now, I don't think it's it's too forward. I don't think it's you know, um out of place. I don't think it's if you're interested in someone and you know, you don't even know, I mean, they might be on dating apps, or you might be on dating apps or whatever. You know, there's could be a million different things that's pulling their attention and so you know, something like that is kind of a fun you know, like I said, like not really, uh, super kind of in your face way of giving each other a way to contact one another and kind of letting it go from there. You know. So if if one of you reaches out and the other one doesn't, well there you go. Now you have your answer, you know, um, and vice versa. But it's fun and it's playful enough that it's like, um, I don't know, I I'll just say I really liked it. I thought it was a cool way to go and and um, and I ended up you know, uh, really we didn't end up together forever, but you know, we ended up getting to hang out a little bit and have some fun and um, and it was something that I thought was like a really redeeming quality of that person, you know, years later when I look back at it. So, I think that's a cool way to go. What do you think you think you would do it? Yeah? I mean, after hearing what you just said, I mean, why not? Yeah. I mean it's kind of a fun thing too, because you know, you're you're not saying you're necessarily gonna call them, You're not saying you're you know, you're just saying, hey, this moment, I think you're kind of fun duty duty do and then you know, you might change your mind to meet somebody else ten minutes later that you like better and be like over that dude, you know so and another thing. So when you do that, I will tell you something that my wife does or did. And it's funny because you know, years later, she still has phone numbers in her phone of you know, dude she met or whatever, and she would always put like descriptors in there, so like if you know, it would be like, you know, she has a friend and her name is like, you know, Debbie, and it's like Debbie, party girl, you know whatever, blonde, you know, And so she has all these descriptors in her phone, and so when the person would call her, it would kind of like signify something that would make her remember that person, and um, you know, and that's something too, like you can walk away from that conversation and go to the bathroom or whatever and put that person in your context and be like, you know, Jim, you know dark hair, uh, you know BMX rider or something I don't know, and it's like, okay, now I remember you remember something from the conversation that will trigger you if you don't hear from him in like two weeks, um, you know, but it's also a cool way for you to kind of control the narrative to Yeah, I completely agree. So well, good luck with it. I hope it works. You're welcome. Take care. Hi, Kate, how are you good? How are you well? I'm doing great? Thanks? What do you guys? A question for me? Well, um, you know, just lately, um, my husband has been doing a lot of work. He's been working more you know, lots of overtime, late hours, and when he comes home, he's super like, like almost mean, he's agitated, he's stressed out, he's snapping at me and the kids, and it's just really irritating. And the thing is, he doesn't have to work late, he doesn't have to do all this overtime, but he says that he wants to do it because he's making extra money for us to be able to provide you know, like vacations and things for the house, things for the kids. Um. And so you know, I'm really torn about this because, you know, on one hand, I'm really grateful and appreciative that he wants to provide for us so that we can have all of these things, which is nice. But on the other hand. I feel like him providing and doing all this extra work so that we can have this stuff, which is nice to have, but it doesn't really matter to me. It's costing us emotionally because I almost hate it when he comes home because he's I know he's going to be grumpy and mean, and you know, I don't really know how to approach him and ask him to cut back, because I know he enjoys providing and it's something he wants to do, but it's I feel like it's costing us otherwise, So I just don't really know what to do at this point. Man. I feel like, literally, I feel like if I were like a fly on the wall right now listening to my wife talk about me, she might sound exactly the same way. I mean, you know, it's it's one of those things like you go, you know, you think you're doing what you're supposed to be doing and what you want to be doing, but for some reason, the people that you're doing it for, you're almost like, you know, uh, venting on them because you're doing it right. So it's like, you know, he might be feeling this pressure that he's creating for himself, which I know I do Um, I might just be a real a guy thing. I don't know. I mean, I know I do this. I know I do these things. So I'm sorry. Yeah, I feel like it's you know, it's a good thing. You know, there's a lot of men that don't want to provide, but you know, at what costs though stuff? Yeah, you know, my wife's my wife has said that to me before, to like, you know, who cares if we have all this, we we still have to be good together. And that's a big it's a big component of it that you know, sometimes guys bury themselves and work for a million reasons, and you know, I think one of them is this sure that we put on ourselves to be the provider and to be the person that's you know, making sure everybody has what they need and you don't have to worry about asking about this or that, you know, and or choosing between this and that. Um So, I mean I get that. I get where the pressure comes from. You know, it might be one of those things too where you know, uh, maybe have you guys talked about this at all, Like have you ever said, you know, hey, you seem really stressed when you come home. I get it. I mean, it sounds like you probably have. You seem like you're really willing to communicate. Yeah, but I mean it doesn't go well. I mean because I feel like I might accidentally be hurting his pride or his ego, and I'm it's not what I'm trying to do. Yeah, I just I just don't want him to burn out and lose our relationship and all this stuff in the process. So it's just delicate, delicate balance. Delicate balance, it really is, you know. I think I think it's hard, and it's hard from the standpoint of from where a guy is coming from too, because you're right, that could that could hurt his pride, that he's not able to do it all and do it all with a smile, you know, and um, you know from that perspective, like, you know, he might not even realize that he's being edgy and short and you know a little bit you know, temperamental, and he might not even realize that. And and then when you let him know, the initial reaction is probably going to be defensive, like what are you talking about? You know what, I'm exhausted, I'm working my ass out, you know, And so it becomes one of these things. That's like a recurring argument that you know, it's like Groundhog Day, right, and you keep trying to, you know, wake up the next day and it's this exact same thing over and over and over again, and the only way to fix it is to break the cycle, you know. So um, whether it's you know, you're saying, you know, hey, listen, you know this next week you have this day and this day off, and maybe instead of and I know this is counterintuitive, but you know, maybe instead of us packing everything into those two days that you have off, just take the day, you know. And I get it. This sounds like a terrible piece of advice, but it will make him be like, oh my, I don't want that. I might he might think he wants that. I mean, I know I think I want that. And then if my wife and my kids are going to like the zoo or something, I'm like, man, I want to go to the zoo with him. I don't want to not miss I don't want to miss out on that experience. And so, you know, it becomes kind of one of those things where you start looking within and and and you know, maybe it's just a way to hit the reset button for him. You know, is to realize that, you know, when he comes home and works all these extra hours and stuff, he's missing out on this great time with his kids as opposed to and his wife as opposed to you know, making an extra fifty bucks that day or hundred bucks that day, or whatever it might be. You know, I don't know. I mean, at the end of the day, everybody's wired differently, and and you know, what makes them tick is going to be different than something that makes me tick. But I will say that that's something that has worked for me in the past when my wife will be like, you know, what's it all worth if you're not able to spend this time with us? And it hits me, you know, it really affects me. So you know, maybe that will be something that will work for you too. All right, Well, I guess the only thing I can do is just give that a try and see if that maybe gets through to him, and you know, if we can start spark a change in him. Yeah, I mean, you know him better obviously than than than anybody. So it's like, you know, there might be a little twist here and there, or a little you know, uh, you know, something a little bit different that might work that you know, you can personalize that and make it your own. But I think it is kind of a nice feeling when the person that you love the most, who is you know, your wife and your kids, when it's like, you know, all they really want us to be with you, you know, it makes you kind of take a step back and go in, what am I doing all this for? You know, I'm like killing myself over you know, how much money, you know, is it ever enough? And it's never enough? So you know, at the end of the day, it's like, you know, maybe taking one or two of those days and not doing that over time, but instead getting to spend a little more time quality time with you and the kids. It will be a lot more beneficial in the long run. Well, I hope so. And like I said, that's uh, definitely something. I'll give it a try and we'll see how it works. And I appreciate the input on that. Um yeah, definitely, I hope it works out for you. All right, Thank you so much. Thank you. It's nice talking to you all right, you too, by bye bye? By Hi. Hey Patty? How are you, Um, well, how are you well? I'm doing pretty fantastic. Thanks thanks for calling in. So, my husband and I we have been married for a few years, and our parents always bring up when are we going to have kids? Parents talk about it, My mom talks about it. They're all excited to be grandparents. But I feel like we're not ready yet and we kind of just want to enjoy being married for a little bit longer. And so I'm so curious, how can we talk to them about this without offending them busting their dreams? Right now? I know, how long did you guys date before you get married? Five years? So you probably heard a ton When are you guys getting married? It doesn't stop. I know, it's it's this weird, crazy cycle. I used to say it all the time. My wife and I dated for three years before we got married, and then the three years, I'm I probably heard it like a thousand times, and then the second we got married, it's like, when do we et grandkids? And I remember saying to them, I was like, hey, back off, man, like you know, I made it funny, but I was just like, guys, you know, you busted our chops for you know, five years to get married. We finally were you know, we finally did it. We got married, and now we want to enjoy being married a little bit before we know we're on lockdown for the next eighteen years. So you know, give us a little breathing room here. And I think, you know, it's funny because I mean, I had kids so much later in life that I got I understood where the big rush was coming from there, Like, you know, hey, man, we only got so much time here as grandparents. Uh, with me waiting so long to have kids, I didn't have kids. I was forty seven, but um, you know, I'm sure unlike me, you're probably much younger than that. And you know, from that perspective, it's like, I think it's a fun there's a fun way to do it, you know, like uh, you know, maybe you could even say your your parents into his parents, you know, like find out how long they were married before they had kids. Hopefully it was a couple of years, you know, and um, and then you could say to them, well, hey, you and dad were married for four years before you had kids. And that was back in the you know whatever era when you know, everybody had kids right away and you guys, you know, waited three years or whatever. It is just to give yourself some you know, some some time and to give them some context, you know, because in their minds, all they can think of is, oh, man, we gotta have a grandkid right away. And I will say that, you know, one of the big things that my wife and I talked about all the time is that we both had time to you know, before we got together. I mean that we were we sold our oats, we had fun, we did whatever we're gonna do. Then we got married. It's like, now we get to have fun together. And we and we took a couple of years of doing that before we decided to have kids. And I'm really thankful that we did. We traveled a time, you know, we got a chance to do a bunch of fun things. And when did you get how long have you guys been married? Two years now? So you got married? Like what right? Right? During COVID? Oh yeah, yeah, we got the postphone. We just kind of did it ourselves. We went into the street, our parents were there. I was super small, but we were just like we're doing this. Yeah, and that's awesome. But COVID sucked. You couldn't travel, you couldn't do all that kind of stuff. So I mean, if nothing else that buys you a buffer, you know, two years. I would think, like you could say, hey, guys, we got married during COVID, so all that fun stuff that you all got to do for honeymoons and everything else, we didn't get to do any of that crap. So we're gonna do it now and we're gonna enjoy ourselves, and then we're gonna make sure we're in the right place to have kids, because you know, COVID really screwed up everything. And I think that kind of makes sense some time, right, like, yeah, let's just comp it down and let's have fun because they know what happens to our wedding, so yeah, exactly. And then the beauty of it is too like they'll quit, they'll quit asking, and then all of a sudden, you'll be a surprise again because they'll think they're not supposed to ask, and you'll be like, hey, guys, guess what. Boom, and they'll be fired all fired up again and you know, no time, so you'll be all good, Thank you so much, You're welcome, good luck. All right. So that was our call in questions, which was very very fun for me. I actually had a great time. Thank you, all for calling in and for listening to the show. We're gonna take a really quick break and we come back. We got a little bit more cute and a and uh, and then we're gonna put a big bow on this thing. So thank you for listening to How Men. Think. We'll be right back, Welcome back to how Men. Thank I am Bob, getting your guest host for the week. Now. I got some questions here that I think are pretty good, and so I want to kind of try to tackle a few of them. Um, as a father of two, what advice would you give new parents? So I kind of touched on this earlier in the show that, Um, I didn't feel like I was really qualified just because I have kids to give parenting advice. UM, but I could give it from a different type of scope, which is because I think everyone's gonna parent differently and um, and so what I was thinking was, uh, you know, and I said this earlier in the show too, was you know, my advice if I actually the people who aren't parents or who are becoming parents or want to become parents in the future, UM, to you know, kind of take a step back and not be so judging of people who are new parents because I was. I think, like I look, I look at you know, restaurants and looking across the table and seeing someone you know, with a kid in an iPad, and my mind is like, oh my god, why, you know, why aren't they talking? You know, you don't need an iPad at the table, but when you're in a restaurant, I'm just gonna say it, I need an iPad at that table at some point or another. I want my kid to just relax. Quit saying he has to go to the bathroom forty three times, Quit trying to get up and run around the restaurant and me having to basically try and discipline him. If he's gonna sit there and you know, watch something on on the screen, so be it. If I can have half an hour and not even fifteen minutes, whatever it is, um. And that's something that I think is uh more of just maybe it's age, you know, maybe it's just time with kids. I'm not sure, um, but it's something that I think is is pretty good advice from the perspective of, you know, um, don't be so judgy, just sort of take a step back and let people live. You know, it's been a rough couple of years with COVID and everything else. It's like the last thing you need is are your peers. You know, ran down a bunch of refan you because you're you're doing something different than they might do. So um, live and let lift. Uh that's that's what I say. Alright, I've been married since what advice would I give a newly wed? Um? You know this is this is an interesting one for me because I feel like when my wife and I first got married, Um, I was given some really good advice, which was to take a moment to stop and just sort of smell the roses for a minute. No bachelor pun intended right there, but um, just sort of take a minute, soak it all in, look around, and really kind of enjoy the moment with with your person, you know, um, because life moves fast and and you know, ship happens, as they say, things happen, and you're gonna end up in uh, you know, a tornado of you know, people pulling you in a million different directions the second you get home from this moment, and so really soak it in and just breathe it in for a minute and enjoy one another's company and and that minute extends. I mean I'm not saying I'm saying, like, give yourself a couple of months where you're basically like, yes, we are newlyweds. Let's let's drink it in, Let's enjoy each other's company. Let's really get to know each other as a married couple. Because things do change, the dynamic does change. Um, and you know, enjoy that that moment that you have together, which takes me my next question, which is do you feel as you evolve your marriage should evolve as well? If so, how do you evolve together? Um? Yeah, I do think as you grow, your marriage grows, um for better or for worse. Right, that's part of the whole thing when you say your vows for better or for worse. Um. And you know, uh, I think acknowledging your role in it and knowing where you're at with things and trying to make it better is really all you can do. And so you need to evolve. You need to know that you're especially if you have kids and things like that, your partners needs change and so to yours. And so you know, you've got to be willing to sort of not be so critical or or also not be so regimented that you're sticking with exactly what it used to be, because nothing is what it used to be. That's why it's called it used to be right, it's it's past. So all you gotta do is try to really work hard on creating the future feelings that you're gonna have for that. So that's that's the goal that I have for that moving forward. Just realized I'm always right. My wife just brought me lunch, how wonderful and told me she's always right, which is awesome. True, She's always right. Um, And then I'll answer one more of these. I think it'd be kind of fun. Um, how did you and Jessica meet? And how did you pursue her? This is awesome because I don't really feel like I get to tell this answer enough. So we met through a friend. I actually used to have a radio show on Sirius XM several years ago, and my co host introduced us at a a thing while she was trying to set me up with her other friend. Actually, and so I was kind of, you know, being all flirty and stupid like I do with her other friend, and then the other friend kind of got annoying and weird and um, my wife, I call her Canyon because it's her maiden name. Her name is Jessica. But I always so I was calling her Canyon because there was like three Jessicas in my life at that time, and um too that I was dating and then my co host. But it's a lot I was. I was always honest about it up front that I was not, you know, looking to settle down. But anyway, I called her Canyon, so I could you know, differentiate. But it actually became a thing with her where she was so much fun and just you know, just basically so different than the person that they were trying to set me up with that I was more drawn to her and so, um it was very casual for a while there and then um, all of a sudden it wasn't. And it was one of those things where it was kind of like, you know, I didn't think I wanted to get married again. Um, I was pretty much resigned to the fact that I probably wasn't gonna have kids or anything. And uh, next thing, you know, I realized she was someone that I wanted to have a family with, and um, she gave me the opportunity to be a dad. And here I am, and it's the best thing that's ever happened. So, UM, you know, I'll save you the details of how I pursued her precisely, but uh, I'll just say that it was it was something that I walked into. It wasn't something that I was deliberately going after. And um, I think the fact that you know it was a little less of attempted relationship or a little less design I'm getting into a relationship that made it work for us, because I really thought I wasn't gonna be in that situation. So very glad to be in it. So all right, well, thank you so much for listening to How a Man Think. It's my first episode as your guest host. I've had a great day. I hope you guys have fun too. Um, thank you for all the questions and for the callers. It was awesome to interact with you guys. I will tell you you know, I used to always say do as I say, not as I've done, because I was a divorce guy. And um, but now you know, I've been married six years, so I guess you can do as I say and uh, not as I've done. If you like what you heard, you know, hopefully they'll have me back to guest host again sometime soon. But you can also catch us on Almost Famous the o G Podcast with Trista sutter U, the original Bachelorette, and myself and we call ourselves the godfather and god Mother of Bachelor Nation. So if you have any design on that show, make sure you listen in because we have no idea what's going on nowadays, but we talk about the good old days, um and everything in that uh, in that reflection. So it's been great talking with you guys. You can check me on Instagram at Bob Guinea, Twitter, Facebook, all that good stuff is the same. But until next time, have a great day. And uh, I hope I was able to help tell you how men actually think. This is how men think and I Heart Radio London Audio Production. Listen each Thursday on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.