Isaac Mizrahi talks to Michelle Buteau about why good sex scenes are important, how to stop giving people your power, her special connection to Joan Rivers and more.
Follow Hello Isaac on @helloisaacpodcast on Instagram and TikTok, Isaac @imisaacmizrahi on Instagram and TikTok and Michelle Buteau @michellebuteau.
(Recorded on October 12, 2023)
It is sort of like when Al Roker lost a lot of weight and we were like, oh no, that's too much, and then like he figured it.
Out nuts right now.
He's just like beautiful and healthy and like doing what he got to do in those three pieces.
I love that you brought him up. I love Al Roca. He's a friend of mine for about one hundred Like, I know Al Roca since like the nineteen eighties.
He is my black mister Rogers.
No no, he is not my blackness. No no. This is Hello Isaac, my podcast about the idea of success and how failure affects it. I'm Isaac Mizrahi, and in this episode I talked to comedian, writer and actor Michelle Buteaux.
Hello, Isaac, it's Michelle Buteu, bitch.
I can't wait to talk to you. I'm gonna wear a white shirt with no stains.
Okay.
When I approach talking to people, usually I think of these questions that are the most difficult to ask, Like those are the ones that kind of pop into my mind first. And when I think about Michelle Buteau, I get a little scared because she's so incredibly smart and a little tough. You know, and I'm always afraid that she's going to kind of like see through me or something or kind of identify me as a fraud, because she is more integrity than almost any person I have witnessed. You know. You just watch her on stage and she is like the realist, realist person who's just breathing with the audience. It's just unbelievable. And so I have a few questions for her about motherhood, about the subject of how she feels about her body really, you know, and I want to kind of delve into these things. And I'm really scared. So come with me and we will do this together. Okay, here we go, Michelle Buteau. Hi, Hi, Hi, Hi, Darling. I am really good. Now I'm gonna ask you this one question because and I don't like to talk about fashion. I really don't, because it's me it's like a really boring subject. But I know you're like quite into clothes. I've seen you and you wear clothes really well, what are you wearing today, Darling? What are you wearing toele?
Oh my goodness, you know what I should have been shared. I should have like pressed up. So I live on an island and this is like my chic like I'm gonna go pick up food and pick up the kids from daycare. So it's an anthropology linen oversized button down shirt that's like just button around the bosom. So people know I'm like approachable but also don't fuck with me, and that I love my body.
But you know, I love my body.
But I'm not like Liz with the Grammys or like in Indian mother in law to wedding, like we don't need biscuits out you know, wow, am during am hey, you know what I mean unless you's like an involved so like to keep a casual and honestly, I got my ugs because I am about that comfort.
Sorry, well I think you know. And I got to tell you something I was on Oh, I was on the Today Show the other day, right, and I wore flip flops. And I have a beautiful sort of rose gold pedicure, like a glittery rose gold pedicure, and I was wearing flip flops and like, and everybody was like, really, she's wearing flip flops. And I went on QVC and they made a note like could you wear a clothes hoe shoe? And I was like, okay, I guess, but for me, it's so chic to wear a really casual shoe like an ug And by the way, is there any beat going on? I can't tell you. Have you done no beat, no face? Yes, it's just you have good eyebrows, darling. You have very good eyebrows like you.
You know what, I really mess them up when I was in high school because I was just really trying to act like I was in like a girl band like seven oh two or TLC. And I'm just letting them grow in because that's like what it is now.
You could just let stuff.
Grow and no one else is great about you. You're kind of at this age like you're not a thousand like me, and you're not twenty like whoever, like you know that person who's on TikTok constantly. So this is going to be a really interesting conversation because girl, you have a lot of responsibility or something on your shoulders being the generation that you are. First of all, what number or numeral is your generation? Is it? X? Is it? Why do you have a name or a number?
I don't even know. I can never remember.
It's sort of just like, you know, when you're supposed to put the clocks back. It's like people will tell me, and it's just like, not something. I am forty six from the waist of twenty four from the waist down.
So what however, that.
Whatever generation, that is great.
That is me.
Like I remember life fully and completely without the internet. So it's so nice h walk through life without defining my worth in social media. It feels like you're texting the rest of the world. So there is a responsibility and I do love that I have that so I can teach my kids that, you know, like phones used to be on a wall and you'd have to like go to someone's house and like what send a three eyed raven and see if they want to come over for a movie.
But yeah, by the way, do you do you sleep with your phone next to you or do you sleep? You do? Because I do too now And I used to think, oh, those poor schnooks who sleep next to their phone, like those poor people. And now I can't sleep unless I know exactly where my phone is. And I get up at three in the morning because I know that, Like, well, for one thing, spelling Bee comes out at three in the morning, so I have to know, like if I can do the you know, if I know the pangram in five seconds, Oh, I'm telling you should call me at three in the morning.
Oh my goodness. That makes me feel so bad.
Sometimes I'm like, wow, my vocabulary is limited. I didn't even know that was the words we need more funding for education. I didn't even know these were words. But you know, my dad has to mention my parents live in Florida, you know, in case something happens, I need to have my phone around. And also, you know, it's sort of like our gateway to the rest of the world, like if we need nine one one or for whatever we need. It's like, that's what it is. Like, you know, I have two.
Different news like news, yes, yeah, is there happening? No, I have to say. It's like, you don't find it a little crazy that so much of the news that we hear is filtered through like what is really an entertainment you know outlet, which is Instagram? Forget about Twitter. It's just a bunch of trolls wanting to hate each other. And once in a while you get someone posting something nice, but but Instagram like among you know, all this shit that you're seeing, you also get news of bullshit that really scary stuff that's going on in the world. How does that make you feel?
It makes me feel crazy, to be honest. I feel like empty and full at the same time, because there are some social justice warriors that will take down some people that to be taken down.
You know, like when Hannimal.
Bress just simply said on a stage during like a comedy show that Bill Cosby is a predator.
Ooh baby.
That went viralright right.
And that's how women were able to feel safe and see, which is so crazy. But on the other hand, it's like everyone has an opinion, and I'm supposed to know what your.
Opinion is, Like I'm just here for the qut dog videos.
So someone described to me yesterday like the perfect way to describe social media, which is especially when something's going on in the world, it's like everyone feels like you're supposed to be having the same coma is them, and it's like nobody have time to process or think or even understand nuance or history and so yeah, yeah, And it's sort of like when Al Roker lost a lot of weight and we were like, oh no, that's too much, and then like he figured it.
Out and right now it's perfect, exactly.
He's just like beautiful and healthy and like doing what he got a zoo in those three people.
I love that you brought him up. I love Al Roca. He's a friend of mine for about one hundred Like, I know Al Roca since like the nineteen eighties, Michelle.
BLUTEU my black mister Rogers.
No no, he is not my blackness. No no, no. I love him. I love him, love him. I'm telling you he is the most lovable person. And actually one of the funniest things anyone ever said to me in the entire world. I was coming up the subway steps like on forty sixth Street when I was going to high school and it was raining, and some lady looked at me and she went al Roca, and I just I couldn't stop laughing the entire Wow, exactly. That is the best joke in the fucking world.
That's amazing. Like, if you're planning your wedding outside, check in with Al Roger.
That's all I'm gonna except. All right, so now let's get back to this, because you know, like one minute, you're scrolling and it's telling you about a war that's happening, and the next minute it's puppies, because I feel a little guilty, Like once I see the war thing, I go okay, I can't and then three seconds later I'm like, nowhere are the puppies. I got to see the puppies. You know.
That's the thing, Like we're not supposed to have this much information, Like you're not going to take your kid to a buffet every night for dinner, and that's what it is. So it's up to us to decide how we're going to take it in. You know, I used to work in the news. I had did local news for a really long time, and I was at NBC as well, which is why I, you know, love so many.
Of those NBC personalities.
Because yeah, because it really is just like my babysitter when I work those overnights. But yeah, like the news was for the news, and obviously the world is changing and it's not the news program in a newspaper anymore.
It's in her phone.
And so you know, it's really up to us and now, like we'll find us absolutely, but there shouldn't be any guilt about what we consume as long as it doesn't hurt other people. I think they're the only thing we should really feel guilty about is like how much time we actually spend on the device, right, because we could be like reading or talking to people, or like touching her toes or looking at a wall, which is my favorite thing.
Well, now tell us about this, because you said you work at NBC and television, and I know that you were a producer before you were a performer. Is that right? Tell us everything.
You're from the Jersey, I mean from Jersey, and realize I was too cute for a whole zip code, and I was like, I gotta go. I can't be fighting at soccer games with these hogi and your gout and so I gotta go. And my parents are the Caribbean, and so we have a lot of family in Miami, and so I always had a great time in Miami. And I'm like, I want to go somewhere warm where people celebrate their bodies. I just want to see black, brown, fat queer. And I just knew, like that's where I want to go. And Miami was wonderful, And I really want to be a journalist. I want to be like I want to be like a Dominican Mary Heart, you know what I mean.
Even though I'm not Dominican, but I just want.
To be like shoulder Pads, Red Lip tell you like you know, the Hot Goss and Entertainment show.
And I had a professor.
We were going around the room talking about what we want to do, and while we were studying TV production and he said to me in front of the class, Michelle, you're just simply too fat to be on camera, so you should lose something else.
No.
Yeah, And this was the mid nineties, and I was raised to not question authority, not rock the boat, to respect my elders, and so I'm quite frankly, I didn't see anyone like me on TV anyway, So like true, you know.
Oh yeah, I mean you would say that, wouldn't you. That's the heartbreaking part of that story. It is that you would agree with him. You know, he's just someone on the outside confirming what you've always thought.
You know, yes, And so it's sort of like telling your parents you want to be a singer.
They're like, good luck with that. I'm like, okay, so nice.
Well a lot of us we can relate to that. But yeah, so what happened to you? You got into television production in Miami?
I did?
I got into production, I'm like, well, I still want to work in this field because I feel creative and I love that every day feels different but it's still the same. And so I started editing the local news for Fox and I became an editor and field producer. And they didn't let me produce a bunch of stuff in the field, but like enough stuff where I was like, oh, this is a great education for Deco drive the local entertainment show in South Florida, and so I was like, I'm too cute for Florida. Want to go to New York City?
Yeah?
Uh, you know, if you can outgrow something in four years, it's like then you should move on absolutely.
And why did you go to New York and not Hollywood?
If you had I'm in New Yorker.
I had no interest in la what's so evs? Okay, like what's so evs? And I didn't even think about acting or stand up or anything. I was just the funny coworker that edited the local news. And then you were like happy to be in my bay because I got it done. I was efficient and I made you laugh. I meanwhile, we would edit like like a fucking horror movie, and so.
Pretty much.
You need thirty seconds, no limbs. Okay, anyways, Wow, this is what I had for lunch. Like it's so insane. So right now, you know, when terrorist attacks happen and we feel it. I right now obviously checking in on my Jewish friends, but also my friends that work in the news business, because it really takes over your world. It seeped in your DNA. You don't know how to let it go. You have dreams about it, you have ibs. You are a weird person at a dinner party that doesn't know how to be like cool and casual, and if you do, you're really desensitized to what's happening in the world and then also yourself. And so yeah, man, the news is crazy.
The news is crazy, and it's framed as a form of entertainment for the most part, you know what I mean. Yeah, and then when it gets really heavy or somebody dies or there's a war, nobody knows exactly how to react. And then I think, like, don't post an obituary about someone who like that's just like, isn't that so personal? But then somebody dies in my life and I go, that actually means a lot to me, And now my Instagram is so important to me. I feel like I have to memorialize that person on my Instagram, you know what I mean.
You can do it and get it off your chest and let it live there and then take it down whenever you're ready. It really to serve us for what we need in that moment. And if you're sharing that story with people, you can actually make someone feel less alone. And that's great. But if it's too much for you to look at it all the time, we can do whatever we want with it, you know. And there is that thing where things do go viral and this that and the third and you know, I'm also like, good, be a little bit more responsible with your words. But whatever makes you feel whole in that moment, I say, go for it.
But you know what, though, Darling, wait a minute, though. I have this really good friend Josh, who's actually white, and I remember the whole Black Lives Matter thing that was going on, you know, that summer that everybody was like posting black squares. And he said to me, he was like, you know, I go through people's instagram like pages and if I don't see a black square, I unfollow them because I hate them. And now right, No, I mean it. He's right, Like that was a moment, you know, that was a moment and it was like a social responsibility at that moment. Yeah, And like I honestly I feel like that's a beautiful thing in so many ways. That's a way that people can actually find community, like in a large, large scale way. But it's also like so dangerous, you know, it is very, very very dangerous.
Yeah, it is very It is very dangerous. And that's why I love documentaries like Don't f with Cats, because then you do realize, like how vulnerable you are.
That's why I love Good One.
Oh it was good.
Yeah, go watch it if you haven't watched it, because oh baby, the internet is interneting and yeah, you know, I think for me, especially during the George Floyd lockdown COVID, wow, we actually have time to process that racism is real.
Was interesting, was necessary.
And uh, I just really want people to live outside of hashtags. Sometimes you don't have to show up to a protest if that is not your thing, but definitely educating yourself and donating to the right places and having all my shit, Man, it really happens in the dark corners where no one's looking it is the green room and a comedy club where you should actually speak up if you hear something, and it's okay to be unpopular, you know what I mean, it's really yes.
Yes, darling, I understand. All right. Now, let's talk about your career for me, because I love talking about your career because I was always a little afraid of you. I mean, yes, I'm a little I'm serious, not because you're hilarious and because what you say. It's just because of like this level of success that I feel like you have broken. You know, you have broken into that world without the kind of you know, the playing the game in Hollywood and going there and moving to the valley and getting a car and you know, figuring out the Vanilla Bean or whatever the fuck the name of that place is on whatever. I mean. You know, you hear the stories about the way people and they get discovered and they're there all the time and they're working all the time, and they're onsets like how did it happen? What was your break?
Yeah?
You know there it's hard to say because there isn't just like one thing that happened for me. At least now, groups of people that have seen me in different things is one thing, but like, really what gets me through and why I'm still here is the love and the joy period. Like if you don't love what you're doing, if you're doing it because you want to be famous, or you want to be treated well, you want to see your name in light, then you're doing it for the wrong reasons. Like I always describe stand up comedy as an affliction, like I don't know why I'm going back. I making money, I'm so tired at Chipotle, but I gotta go back. But you know, and so if you really just like love what you do and getting back to the whole editing the local news, I worked in production because someone told me I was too fat to be on camera.
Okay, right, darling. You know what, there's a lot of pain in that. There's a lot of pain in that. And there's a lot of pain in comedy, right, I mean there is. It's not the easiest job, and you're going I gotta go back, and I make no money. But also it's hard. It's hard to look at yourself, it's hard to open up in front of people.
It is, However, if you have that thing inside of you that says I have to do this.
I need to do this. I would have said it this way, then you just have to do it.
And you know, I was so tired of making very basic people with no light behind their eyes do something cool and editing them in a way that made them look like they were geniuses.
I'm like, nah, that was me.
And usually I'm not that bitch. Like I'm just like, oh my god, we're all here in the community. We all have our own gifts, but you don't have anything. And I'm giving you all the juju and you ain't got it.
Then I'm like, oh no.
And then truly nine to eleven happened and I'm like, oh, we could all die. That is a reality. So the first time I did stand up was September fourteenth, two thousand and one, because so many people kept telling me you should do stand up, you should do stand up.
I'm like, why these.
Motherfuckers all talk about being broke, not having good sex, not having money.
I'm happy.
I love good sex and I love money. So I'm like, am I too happy for this? But what I found on stage that.
I like money? What did you say? I like sex? I like money. I need all that time and I'm happy.
Yeah, come on, antsy, watch out a.
Yeah, what I found was that is them and this is me, and what I do on stage is is different and that's okay. You know, it is shady, it is sassy, but it's still fun and I don't need to be self deprecating in order to make people laugh. And so, yeah, stand up comedy really helped me find my voice as a woman in many audition rooms or pitch meetings or relationships healthy boundaries with my family and people I dated. And so I'm so thankful to stand up comedy for a lot of differfferent reasons. But also like, and this is for the stand up comedians or improp artists that are going into auditions thinking like, oh, this person's more famous and they'll get this role. Bitch, so what and who cares?
Go have fun?
Some major agent in Hollywood calling and lobbying for you. Good for you, congratulations, you know you know what I mean.
But someone could do what you do. You are who you are, so do it. People complain about four lines who get the.
Shit in twelve okay talking about being a woman in the world of comedy, right, Like everybody's like, oh, it's so difficult. It's so hard. It's hard. Is there a benefit? Is there something like that you like about being an hilarious subject all of a sudden.
Yeah, I mean, like, look, people will say it's hard to do anything, okay, but find the entertainment and how hard it is, find the joy in it. That's our job, do you know what I mean? If you can't do that, then you shouldn't be doing this, do you know what I mean? And allow yourself to take up that space. Whenever I have like a very serious meeting with a bunch of executives, especially on Zoom, you know, and everyone's learning how to like yawn in their mouth, like.
Ah, exactly, you know, I'll call them.
I saw that yawn.
I don't know if you're bored and need oxygen, but I thought i'd do it too, you know, because.
They have to balance the meds. They haven't bounced. Serious, that's what it is. They get. That's medication.
I love it.
Let's figure out how to balance our meds too, Like what are we taking in the AM and the PM?
I'm here for it.
So yeah, I mean, just just have fun, you know, stop giving people your power like it's okay.
Well okay, so talk about what you did right besides being incredibly talented and saying really smart, funny things that people want to listen to. Tell me what it was that made you successful.
I mean, I said yes to a lot of things that I should have said no to. But ooh baby, being in a bad situation really will define your character, and being in bad shows or jobs will be the best lessons you ever have. Like, I always learn more from bad shows and good shows, whether it's a TV show or a comedy show, because by the time I get my show, what I'm going to say is I don't want that toxicity here, honey. That's like emotional osteoporosis. And you ain't gonna age me, not when I'm twenty four from the waist down, honey. So it's like, you can be an asshole and work somewhere else and definitely get paid, but on this set, like we're.
Only going to lift each other up.
I saw this like quote on Instagram because I follow a lot of like inspirational accounts because that's what I want to see when I open up Instagram, and one of the quotes was being happy for someone success will never fuck up yours, And I feel like we definitely get inside our heads and why do they have this? And I don't we pick ourselves apart not hear them.
We are us.
And it starts with like now that I have kids, like in school, you know, like we put this upon children, like she's good because she's this. And my mom used to like straighten my hair and cover my freckles before we went to church because that look is unkempt and whatever, whatever the fuck society was telling us, fuck that. So anytime I feel like that patriarchal bullshit like rise up in my throat, it does feel like heartburn, like a fire between my tits, I'm like, no.
That's not what we're gonna do today. That's not what we're gonna do. M h yeah. And so you know, people are like.
Sort of using this word woke as like you're being weak, But for me, I'm like, I will gladly, I will gladly.
Take that term.
You know what, though, we got to think of a better word because it's been commondeared and ruined by so many people. So we can think of a better word that is actually grammatically more sound than you know what I mean, Like, there are a lot of things we have to think about as a culture, Darling, we could really think about grammar just a tiny, tiny, tiny bit. I'm this go back to this. You know, this podcast is about the idea of how failure is kind of a great thing and how it informs you in some way. So, was there something that happened where you've failed? Yeah?
I mean there have been people that I have opened for that I thought that their behavior around other people was consensual, and then I learned later that that was not the case. And then I learned, ooh, where there's smoked or there's fire, and so that's like that's the whole Like if you see something, say something speaking up type of situation. There have been situations where I have let people overproduce me and then sort of just said whatever they wanted me to say, and and have gotten like like people try to cancel me for it, and I have received death threats and it was on Reddit. Yeah, and I'm like, why did I put myself in a situation? You know, there are things that I've said on stage where I'm just like, oh, I wasn't a fully evolved human being, but really, yeah.
I can't believe that. I mean, me too, Me too, Me too.
Yeah, but I will say this like.
Not as bad as what other people are saying, you know what I mean, Like it was still coming from a good place, but I was like, I could have been different about that, and thank you for pointing that out to me. So I just feel like, you know, I never want to work with someone who will never admit that they're wrong and who doesn't know how to take care of someone other than themselves. And like that could be a parent, a friend, a fucking finicky plan. But what I can't do, who is work with people who are selfish and don't.
Want to learn anymore. Yeah, because I do.
Right, That's a beautiful thing, and you only learn that through failure, right, Really, you know, I saw this Hallmark movie yesterday. I'm still freaking out about it. I know, don't judge me, don't judge me. It was about this woman with a disability who was about to get married and she and her mother went into this bridal store and she's like, I love this dress. I love this dress, and then the person selling the dress is like, oh yea, well we don't have that in your size, right, and she was really nasty the salesman, of course, like the grandmother takes her the back and she gives her a piece of her mind. She comes back and she's like, you can get the dress right. And then this young woman goes, listen, you were horrible to me. You were so nasty, right, But I'm guessing it's because somebody was really nasty to you, right, And then she hugs her, and of course I was sobbing, this young girl hugging this woman who was so nasty to her. And I think about the way people deal with this kind of you know, nasty treatment, you know, And of course it's like human nature to go nasty back, right, Like if someone's nasty to me, honey, I start screaming. I remember I used to walk my dog in the village, and if the poor dog would peace somewhere he wasn't about, they'd say, oh really, I suppose I'd say, darling, this is not the fucking Garden of Eden. It's New York City in case you do. You know, like I thought that was my place in the world to be nasty, you know, but in fact it's like sort of turning the other cheek and going, I see why you're going to say this. Do you think that ever or what?
Oh my god.
Yeah, I wrote a book called Survival, the Thickest plus size Essays in a small, minor world now, and there is this chapter where it's called a light Load, and it's about being a light skinned black person in the world right and just experiencing all types of racism for different nationalities when I travel, and the way that I would react to them. Being a Jersey girl was so different from my twenties and thirties and now forties, and thank god, because yeah, I would either be dead or have some sort of crazy scar on my face in a Today's show interview.
Like not the kind of today Show interview that I want.
No, you know, like it be insane and so like now I fully understand the whole killing with kindness. This guy was a dick to me in the Schipple airport in Amsterdam. I had my kids, my four year old twins in a stroller. We were super hungry, our flight was a little delayed. I roll up in the restaurant and he's like, you got it, wait here, wait here, and he's just ordering me around as if I'm shit on a shoe.
I'm like, I see it. You don't need that tone. And he's like, don't tell me what I need here? Do you see the sign?
And talking about that in front of my kid, and so now I'm like going to be an example for them, you know, And I just look at him. I'm just like, boom, I hope you figure out what you want to do in life, because this isn't it.
You're not good at it, and you should. You're not good at this, you know.
And I'm like, you should figure out what you want to do because you might have some pride in your work because if you continue like this, you're.
Not going to live long, beautiful firlok.
I just looked at him and let him know what it was. And did I have shaky hands? Absolutely?
Did I want to become like DMX in a Jerseymall parking lot and putch him in the dick?
Yeah, But that's okay. That's a twenty four year old Michelle. This is forty six year old mom, So like, yeah, like, I gotta keep it the fuck moving.
I know that it wasn't exactly the easiest thing for you to become a mom. I know that was a real choice for you, and we can go into that if you want. But what I would much rather know from you is how you feel about being a mom in this world right now? First of all, what was it that made you really really really want to be a mom?
You know it was It's just this yearning I had since I was little when people always asked me, what do you want to be when you grow up? I never had a job. I just always said a good mom.
Wow.
And even when I was dating in college and in my twenties, I never thought I would get married because I didn't like anyone past three weeks, like I loved Josephine Baker and Angela Jolie, and I would actually like get a bunch of cabbash patch kids and have two of that.
It's funny, it's insane, like to be a pharaoh bi some I'm just thinking of people in that category of like babies.
Yeah. So that's where my heart and my energy level is right.
And you know, it's not for everybody, And I realized that, you know, like adoption is not for everybody. Loving someone that you're not related to is not for everybody, but it is for me because I don't like most of.
The people that I am related to.
But me too, But I as a whole. Like so so you know you use this word like yearning, it kind of explaining, but go back to that more than the adoption thing, like what made you want to smother people?
It is just part of who I am. It's part of my DNA. I mean, you could say zodiac sign, you could say ancestors. You know, my Grandma Mavis also took people in off the street and cared for them and fed them and made sure. You know, I think if you're going to be a mom in this day and age, you know, I'm not going to tell you what to do, but just keep in mind you got to be open, like we are evolving and that is a good thing. And you might not like something or understand it, but that doesn't mean that you can't love it. And everybody is so about biology and being very black and white with shit, but the real love and humanity and understanding comes with the shades of gray in between. And so if you can't accept someone being gay or other, then maybe you shouldn't have a child, because that is also something that makes them beautiful.
Like at the end of the day, we're all just beautiful souls.
Wandering around the world just wanting to be loved and accepted, and so the world is a fucking shit show?
Has it always been? Probably?
But the fact that we can live in a safe and sound place where we can go to Costco and.
Get whatever the fuck we want.
It's like, dude, we're okay, You're okay, Like fuck other people's opinions, Like, as long as you have love in your heart and can figure out how to understand stuff, then that's all you really fucking need.
And so you think that that is a bomb for all the crazy shit that goes on now that you have to explain to your kids that you have to shield your kids from. And you're not like scared a little bit about like ecological disaster and all that stuff that's in our futures blah blah. You think, of course, yeah.
Of course, how are you scared of like lantern flies? Do you know what I mean?
Like, yes, it's like I'm.
All over the place.
So how do you bring yourself every morning to go, Okay, it's all right, They're going to live, Their children will be okay, their children will be like how do you do that?
I mean, every day is.
A choice to be happy, to be married, to figure out not to have road rage, and you know, and it's the same thing when it comes to taking care of your kids. It's sort of just like, why would I get a dog if they only live for ten years? Well, I want to experience that love, and I want to love them and I want them to have a home, you know, and know what love is too. And so you know, a lot of my friends are like, what's the point. I'm just like, yeah, but why not because we're not even promised tomorrow, you know.
Yeah, incredible, Michelle, that's incredible. You. I mean it like it's a really simple explanation. You know, it's a really simple explanation. And I feel like you are a woman of the right words. You know. You use that word yearning, and it was like, oh, okay, got it. Like my dog speaking of dogs, which I love. She's a kind of a border colleimix and in her DNA, this bitch she like, if you get off the sofa, She's like, oh no, no, no, no, no, get back on the south Like she doesn't know why she's doing it, but she does it. So you don't know exactly why you did what you did, but you did it because it was in you to do and it's a really good explanation, like now I want kids, Now I want to have kids. You fucked me up. Go back to the way you perform on stage, because I've seen you work on stage, darling. Do you do a lot of stand up? Still I do.
I'm on tour now I have a new hour.
It's called a full heart type gene and so check it out.
Yeah, now wait a minute, because okay, so if you've never seen her, you got to look up her dates and go see. But do you write the jokes and memorize them and memorize the succession of Joe? How do you work on stage?
At this point in my career, you know, there's bits or words or like a situation, wait, or things happening in the world that I'm just like, well, I need to get on this because I want to talk about this too, And so I'll write it down and get back to it, and then like I'll give myself an hour just to do whatever I need to do. And then sometimes I'll book a show like I book shows a city winery earlier in the year to be like, okay, go work.
This out right.
So sometimes like I reverse engineer and I'm like you got that date, you got that February date. It's December. Figure it out, bitch. And so yeah, there's no like rhyme or reason, but it's sort of like in that world. And what's really fun now, and I will say this with pride is having my name on a motherfucking ticket and people coming to see me.
It is exhausting.
Being a female comedian in one or like the only one or like one of two on a show where you have to tap dance with these people for a ten minute set. In the first five minutes, you have to convince people you're funny because they're like, oh my, got a lady one.
I don't hear women talk, you know what I mean? And so that was exhausting.
That's like the same thing like trying to tell people like that racism is real.
It's just like, bitch, it is. Move on, women are funny. Move on.
And so it's so nice to have my name on a motherfucking ticket. So then I can just work from there and figure it out on stage.
Did you see that movie about Joan Rivers? She had these big cards at the footlights.
Just my husband.
We have a mid century modern furniture business in Bushwick, and so he's constantly finding pieces, and he found Joan Rivers at her desk. Come on, so I wrote my book on her desk. Come and I that's how much I loved Joan. Like I remember like running home from school to watch her talk show because she was also my babysitter.
Wow, oh wait a minute, So but you remember that scene where she has the prompts from cards? Do you have prompts? Do you make shit up on stage? Do you write? What do you do? Okay, but tell me tell me I need I mean it. I meed as someone who you're mentoring. I think of me as like this comic who you're mentoring.
So I write and I overwrite and I don't think about anything. I just like write a bunch of shit and then I go through it. I'm just like, what in the beautiful mind is going on? And I try to highlight something that makes sense right, And then I'll talk to a friend. I'll talk to a friend or too that's like not even like a comedian, but like a friend that like understands me, you know, like a safe space, and I'll kick it around with my friend and I'll just like say it out loud, which is really nice.
And I also have comedian friends that I do love.
And even taking your material to somebody that will help you shape it or help you with tags it's also great too. But yeah, I'll kick it around with friends and say it out loud and shit and give myself a good Like you know how your kids get a coloring book and you have the outline, and then I'll go on stage and like fucking color in and outside of the lines and shit, And then my editing mind starts to kick in, and I'm like, if I saw a show, this is how I'd want it to flow in terms of like beginning, middle, and end. And so also, being twenty some odd years into stand up, it's nice to think of a chunk in an hour as opposed to like a ten minute set. Got it, but you know, but even a ten minute set, I'm just like, it's the greatest hints.
You know, It's like bam, bam bam, keep it moving, but.
Also allowing yourself the opportunity to breathe in between. So if you're on stage and you see someone in the audience and you have to talk about what are you wearing? Right, you have to pull it out for you and for them, and mainly for you. And if it's for you, they'll enjoy too. You know, are you gonna have sex and just worry about that person. No, that person's gonna be turned on, because you're turned on and everybody gets turned on and everybody fucking has a good time.
So make sure you do.
You And so I will tell you, like you're talking about finding people that will like listen to your joke and kind of you'll get a sense of how funny it is or not funnier, where the actual nugget is and where the big laugh is or whatever. You need to meet. My husband, Arnold, who is so funny and amazing. He's one of the funniest people, like who ever lived? Right. Oh, But when I tell him, I'm like, oh, here's a good one. You know, I have this really good thing. And I tell him. He looks at me like, and when he does that, I know it's hilarious. When he goes maybe not, I know it is the funniest fucking thing I've ever said in my life. Oh, because you know what I think it is. I think it's from his perspective, it's like, oh no, please, please, don't say that please, you know, or something like I'm protecting you now, I'm protecting you because I love you, and I'm protecting you, you know. I just think it's funny.
You know.
Phoebe Robinson, who when I was writing my book, I was like, I have a hard time writing this book because my mom is so worried about things I say and blah blah. And she didn't make this quote, but she heard this quote and she was like, write your book like everyone you know is dead.
Yes, Okay, that's smart advice.
Yes. And that's the same with stand up.
Like I have this joke about my husband and my son and a booger in his nose that he couldn't get out, Like that's hard to watch, and so I get the booger out and he's like put it back in.
I'm like, oh my gosh, I had to put it back in and people.
Are looking at me and I just want to be like, I've done cocaine off my husband's dick.
I know how complicated are but my husband like, could you not say that to like, like, I'm sorry, I love my truth.
Okay, yeah, I talk about my husband's dick a lot too. Darling. It's It's one of the funniest things to talk.
It's your roommate. Like I, I am in your crotch. My face is in your crotch more than I.
See my family.
No one tells you this when you get married or have a partnership, that crotch is gonna.
Be like like it, that's it.
Yes, that's your pif that's your.
Future, your past, your present exactly. I have to tell you. One phrase that is really so tired to me is yes, you know body positivity because that has never worked on me. All that body positivity and how you and how you're doing, how you're feeling about your body. You know, like shit, you know all that body positivity, and I still feel like shit, you know. And the thing is, I know that the most beautiful people in the world they feel like shit too. Everybody feels like shit. But you don't seem to You seem to be very, very comfortable in your skin. Can you tell me how the hell you work that out? And is that real? Is that for real?
It is for real? And it wasn't always there.
And I realized it wasn't there because people try to beat the positivity out of me and so when I do say body positivity, I also say I'm positive I have a body.
And I get the one.
And again, I'm not going to try any more to live up to some unrealistic, patriarchal standard beauty because you think I should. That's how you get my money, That's how I am depressed. And you know what, if I can create healthy boundaries with my relationships and work really hard and like go out and make people feel happy, then like I deserve to fucking be happy too. And so I'm really fucking done subscribing to that bullshit. And I really feel bad for most of the women in my family that are older than me because it's still on.
And I said, who else it for?
Who?
For who?
This isn't mad men anymore. We don't have to, you know.
And so you're not going to feel like good and perky and perfect all the time. But that's also beautiful. Like finding those moments where you know it's gray and you feel like you want to listen to a sad song or some shit like that is fucking great too. It's called emotions, and we have a rainbow of them. But like, in general, beating myself up because I'm supposed to look like someone, but their family is different, their DNA is different.
That's not me. Like fuck that, I'm not doing it anymore.
And so like I asked people, and I ask you, why do you feel shitty?
Like what part?
You know? Because I grew up and I was a fat kid growing up. You know, I lost about seventy five pounds when I got to high school, but the damage was done. And you know, honestly, like my father told me, I wasn't a good looking guy. I had other assets, but you're not good looking. Your sister's a gorgeous You're not so good looking. You know. My dad actually said that in a car ride home from Long Island, and I was like, of course, I know that's true. You know, no, no, I'm just telling you. You asked the question, so I know why. And the thing is, when I look at the size of my suits, you know, it's like really, oh god, you know. And because I had I also went down to a very very very small size and I weighed probably like I would say, forty pounds too little for my height. I went to the e opposite extreme, yes, and it was too late. I was like in my thirties, like who has an eating disorder in their fucking thirties. But I, did you know, because it's such a deeply ingrained thing. Yes, And then I look at you and I think, you know, like she's as gorgeous as anybody out there, and the way she wears clothes and the style and the hair and the whole thing, like she loves it. That's why I asked you. The first question out the door was like, what are you wearing? Because I know that it's a big important thing to you, the way you present to the world, and I want to know if there's like a secret to that. But it sounds like you're saying you've had it with everything else so much.
I really have, Like.
It started with my parents and my family right, because it also started with society. And so when I got these really crazy boobs at twelve, all of a sudden, it was my fault because I was getting unwanted attention from me. Ah, and to not stick your chest down. I'm like, I'm standing up straight, stand it, do you know what I mean? And then my dad would tell me in high school, you'd be so pretty if you lost twenty pounds, and I'm like, yeah, and I looked at him. I was like, I'm beautiful no matter what. And he's like, that's my girl. And I'm like, that's not how you teach me anything. And that's why I say, like, don't have kids if you're not prepared, because they are gonna They are beautiful no matter what.
And we all have phases and we might have you know.
The thick phase or the fact whatever it is, but they're beautiful no matter what. And so like, by the time I got to college and someone's telling me you're too fat to be on camera, I already heard it so much at home. But I would still go out and have so much fun with my friends, and like people would be attracted to me, but like I was supposed to be so thankful that they were attracted to me.
I'm right, right, well, that's what I mean. I don't want to be about spite or about yeah, I exactly.
It didn't feel good, It didn't feel natural.
It felt like I was lying to myself, like, oh, yeah, I'm supposed to be no fuck that. Like the minute honestly, I was like, no, I'm fucking funny. I'm gonna go do this, you know. And and again it's not giving people the power. No, my belly is actually cute, like you know, especially the things that I've worked on very hard on that you can maybe take a gaze at. It's very important for me to have sex scenes and and good sex scenes where you see the biscuits on the back, because that's the most favorite part of Thanksgiving dinner.
Bitch, you know what I mean.
And and not to be so like, oh my god, I'm so thankful someone finds me attractive. Fuck that I will sit on your dick and break it and that's okay mm hm.
Honestly, I have to say, I think that's what it is between my husband and I that I adore so much. Is that like he can't keep his hands off me a lot. And it's not even for like we have sex enough that's fine, but I'm not talking about that. It's like he just loves the flesh on my body. Yes, you know, and that's that's a break. I attributed it to his insanity, like he's just a crazy person. Okay, we have a little bit of time left. I want to ask you a question that I ask everybody, which is about your obituary. So when you die, what do you want your obituary to talk about what do you want the subject to be? Like Michelle Buteau one hundred and five go.
She was a badass bitch that made people feel safe, seemed secure, entertained, and made millions of dollars doing it.
So good? Uh and and the Sherman Palladinos are in process of writing a series about her called The Marvelous Missus Buteaux or something yeah, or the Buteau Girls, right.
Exactly, it's from heads of Bueau.
Let's go, I really want that to be my O bit, like, I want to be this person that makes people feel good and makes a million, you know, trillions of dollars doing it. But you know, Jake Cohen and solely Dad O'Brien, I'm just thinking of people who said stuff to me, right when they go like, oh, you know, I just want to be a good person. I go, Jesus, that was a simple, beautiful thought, and then you feel so good about yourself, right, Like, guess what, You're a good person, Michelle, You're a good person.
Thank you, you're a good person.
Hey, what do you want to promote on this podcast?
My book Survival? The thing is it's a great summarad Lool goes Somewhere Warm or Kwanza stocking stuff I don't know. Also my podcast that I do with Jordan Carlos called Adulting. We do live shows and remote shows, and my tour and my comedy to.
I Can't Wait? When are you in New York City? Queen?
I just sold out the Beacon last week?
Why did I know about this? I don't follow you on fucking Instagram?
Why no, I don't know.
Well, I love you, darling, I mean it, You're a doll the best. That was a conversation for the ages, if you ask me, By the way, every five minutes I kept wanting to stop her and say, like, excuse me, what did you mean by that? Her mind is just so much quicker than like the average person, especially the average sixty two year old person like me. Right, but she's so much quicker than me. I don't even know what she's talking about until minutes later it sort of sinks in and I go like, ah, I got it finally, you know. But I do think that she gave us such an incredibly in depth view into who she was. And yet I have to tell you, I have pages and pages and pages of questions for her. Now that I've done that, that was sort of like, you know, the thing that you do before you go to the doctor and you check off all of your conditions and all the drugs you take. That was like the beginning. That was the first moment I have now like the entire checkup that I want to do on Michelle Buteaux. So stay tuned. Round two is going to come. I'm not exactly sure when, but someday, Michelle Bucho, I see you and I'm coming for you again. I love you and thank you for joining me. Darlings. If you enjoyed this episode, do me a favorite and tell someone, Tell a friend, tell your mother, tell your cousin, tell everyone you know. Okay, and be sure to rate the show. I love rating stuff. Go on and rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts so more people can hear about it. It makes such a gigantic difference and like it takes a second, so go on and do it. And if you want more fun content videos and posts of all kinds, follow the show on Instagram and TikTok at. Hello Isaac podcast and by the way, check me out on Instagram and TikTok at. I Am Isaac Msrahi. This is Isaac, Missrahi. Thank you, I love you and I never thought I'd say this, but goodbye Isaac. Hello Isaac is produced by Imagine Audio, Awfully Nice and I AM Entertainment for iHeartMedia. The series is hosted by me Isaac Mzrahi. Hello Isaac is produced by Robin Gelfenbein. The senior producers are Jesse Burton and John Assanti Vis Executive produced by Ron Howard, Brian Grazer, Caarra Welker, and Nathan klog At. Imagine Audio production management from Katie Hodgens, Sound design and mixing by Cedric Wilson. Original music composed by Ben Waltzon. A special thanks to Neil Phelps and Sarah Katamak at I AM Entertainment