Isaac Mizrahi sits down with Gabourey Sidibe to talk about her days as a phone sex operator, her childhood dream of being a therapist and more.
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I had no idea that I was acting other people. Did you learn and I was doing phone sex? I had no idea, but it was training me for what I was going to do for the rest of my life. Where did I learn improv? Phone sex? Sex? Phone sex is what taught me.
This is Hello Isaac, my podcast about the idea of success and how failure affects it. I'm Isaac Musrahi, and in this episode I talked to my dear friend, author, crazily, wildly talented actor Gabaret Citabe.
Hello, Isaac, It's Gabaret Citabe. It's been too long, and I love you so much, and I'm so excited to talk about so Sis sixty six, which is my pilot and hopefully it'll be a show and a bit and Prink Panel which is actually a show coming up. And honestly, I just need a moment away from my cats because they keep clawing up my legs. So please, please, and please, Isaac, I'm so excited to talk.
You know, Gabaret Citabe has lived in my consciousness since I met her. We met like a really long time ago, and at the time Gabby was like a young woman and she has since become this really mature and sage and wise actor, and I wanted to talk to her about that and that shift in her life.
I mean, she is just so captivating.
And charismatic and beautiful and funny.
She's so iconic. So let's have a listen.
So, Gaby Citabee, I can't believe it. Hi, you know, I've always wanted to ask you this, Does gabaret mean something to have, like a special meaning?
Well, I'm Cynegalese, and so my name is Synegalese. It's also a bit Mollian, because really I'm not cyneges I'm Mallian. And so apparently it means the one with the beautiful cheeks. So my mom used to tell me that it meant the daughter of the queen.
But my father named me after a woman that he loved in the neighborhood that like took care of him, one of his friend's moms who was really kind to him.
Her name is Gaberie, and so my dad named me after her. But my middle name is Malingair. Malingair translates in Walof, which is the language of Senegal, directly to my queen. My mom, a narcissist, decided that my first name meant daughter of the queen, which doesn't say anything about me. It says more about my mother than anything.
Well, that's interesting because I think your pronoun is queen, isn't it might.
As well be. I also go by priestess.
Oh that's a beauty. That's a beauty. Well, surprise me.
Is this something you want to tell me about your past or about this morning? Like you know, you had this crazy thing happened to you on the freeway or something.
I don't know. There was a surprise today, I'll tell you.
Can I tell you something?
I was surprised to hear that you were a phone sex operator for a welcome to me.
Yes, I was. I was a phone and it wasn't that long. It was three years.
Well, darling, that's an eternity.
It felt like it. Let me tell you what feels long when you're stucking dig over the phone. It does feel like an eternity going to keep the minutes going.
Oh yes, darling, wait, do a little can you do a little thing something?
Hey? What's your name? What's your name?
Oh? My god, your voice is so sexy already. I'm sorry, I'm like blushing about it. My name is actually melody, what's yours melody?
My name is Paul.
Oh, Paul is such a strong name. I had an English professor, by the way, I'm in my second year of college. My English professor in my freshman year. His name was Paul. And let me tell you, Paul was so hot. I would think about just sneaking the desk in the middle of class and just playing with them. So like, the thing is, you never answer yes or no question. You never answer a question with one word. You give a story. It's not about getting anybody off. It's about keeping them on with the minutes.
It's like pitching.
It's like going in a room and pitching in Hollywood, like you never really let them in on the full orgasm.
You have to keep them going exactly.
We met on the Big Sea, and at that time you were like so young. I'm not going to say how old you were, like a lady.
My obgyn says, I'm mammogram years old. Yes, an adult.
How is your life different from when we met?
Oh?
Different, incredibly different. I was a Fanti separator from twenty one to twenty four, and then I became an actress at around twenty four. So I think when we met I was maybe twenty seven, which does seem really really young. And yeah, I had a very different life one. I lived in New York because that's where I'm from. Yeah, things are and now that I live in Ala, things are very very different. I have to drive everywhere, which is wonderful because I hated commuting. I don't want to talk to other people. What is the biggest different though, I think when I was on the Big Seat, I was hired to work there like an audition and I was cast. And now I spend a lot of time making my own work instead of being given a job. I have begun making my own jobs. For instance, I just shot a pilot that is based on a chapter of my book where I talk about doing phone sex. By the way, when I was a film scap burner, my name was Melody, My girl number was twelve sixty six. I just created a pilot called twelve sixty six. So instead of being employee twelve sixty six, twelve sixty six now has employees. And that's probably the biggest difference between what I was like at twenty seven and what life is like now. I'm creating my own opportunities.
Right by the way, Darling. My sex name used to.
Be ooh okay, Like if you went out to meet somebody on a sex thing, they were like, you're and I'm like Paul. And one night someone said, really, Paul who And I said Paul Smith And I just realized I blew it by saying Paul Smith. But anyway, Darling, So the difficulty about interviewing you is I never really thought of you as just an actress. I think of you as a writer because we have the same literary agent. But also because you didn't start as an actress. You were a psych major.
Yeah, for the entirety of my life, I really wanted to be a therapist, and so I studied psychology in college. So that didn't work out though the first time I kind of failed out of college because life is so hard when you're like nineteen. And also my first year of college was in two thousand and one in New York. My school was down the Black from the World Trade Center, and so like literally the second week of school I was out for about a month because the school became a tree. And then if you remember, if you got anywhere under thirty fourth Street, you can smell the burning from the middle of the city. And so by the end of the year I had asthma and panic attack and like it was bad, and so my grades dipped a bit. I went to another school, did not get any better, and then I kind of failed out and I had to wait three years to go back to school. And in those three years, I became a phone sex operator. When I was finally of age and I could go back to school on my own, I did one week of class and then very next week I auditioned for my first film. I auditioned on Monday and was cast by Wednesday, and then we started shooting in three weeks.
Really, yeah, is this Precious? Yes? And so I so, wait a minute, what made you think? Oh you know what today?
I'll just so oh. Well, my friend was a theater major in college and I had done some plays with her and her friends, and the casting director for Precious was auditioning at that same college. And even though I had done small parts here and there, I think the biggest thing I did was Linda the Goodwitch in a production of The Whiz Nice. I did this all while I was waiting to go back to school, and so a friend was like, Hey, this movie's coming audition and they're specifically looking for black girls and that's you, And I was like, no, that sounds stupid. I'm not an actress. I never took it seriously. When I left the house, I didn't know that I was going to go to the audition. I just sort of ended up on that side of the street.
So you started on this thing and you were this mega hit like right away. It's like there are certain actors like Julietta Massina.
Or like Buster Keaton.
I feel like I look at you and I know exactly what you're doing, I know exactly what you're thinking. I find that you are a deeply, deeply gifted screen actress.
Did you learn that? Did you take classes?
I didn't take any classes. I think I'm very expressive. Someone once called me an open sandwich face, which basically means that you can see all of my emotions and everything I'm thinking on my face, which so I'll take it. I didn't take classes. I want it to. But I would ask all of these veteran actors like should I take a class, and they'd say no, I don't want it to take away what you have that's natural. But I also feel like it's a disadvantage to not have taken a class because there's technique and everyone has bad days. I'm said, like, everyone has a day where it's like, oh, I'm not hitting the mark. I don't understand what this is and I'm not hitting it. And when that happens, people who are trained, they lean on their training, they lean on their technique. I don't have any technique or training to lean on, so I'm just out here.
But you can always tell when those people are leaning on technique because it feels sothetic. It doesn't feel like they're doing their job that day. It's like ethel Merman never had a singing lesson in her life, and George Gershwin told her, like, don't take singing lessons because we don't want you to learn how to sing any differently because you're singing.
Perfectly, you know what I mean. But going back to this thing about you, that's just a natural gift. Now you're producing things? Are you writing things again?
I'm not writing. I don't write scripts as of yet. I have a block when it comes to that. I don't one hundred percent know how to do it. But I have a lot of trusted writers that I will go to even my show, my friend and partner, Timmy Banks. She's the writer and director and co creator. She's great and so I can trust her. But I know when i'm reading something if it's good or not. But I'm a little nervous to write things, even though when I was a teenager, I wrote this insane soap opera that was just doing it for no reason. So I understand story, but there's something intimidating about writing it into a script for me.
Well, going back to this, now, was there someone that you looked at as a young person who was inspiring to you.
I don't know that when I was a child that I had a specific acting inspiration, because I want to be an actor. So this is kind of a kooky story. When I was in elementary school, my best friend, her mom was schizophrenic, and she had a host of other things going on with her, and so she had a child therapist, and whenever I was spending the night or spending the weekend at her house, her therapy sessions were on Friday. So I would go with her to therapy and the therapist would ask us questions and talk to us, and I remember thinking that it was like the first adult that asked me a real question that wanted an answer, and it wasn't some kookie like can you count to twelve sort of thing because I'm five six years old, And I was like, you get to stay in an office and people come to you and you just ask the questions and you get to know their secrets. Like, that's incredible. That is what I want to do. But I never quite had the inspiration for what it is that I ended up doing. Even though my mom was a singer. My mom was an entertainer.
That's a hit that your mom.
Yeah, it was this FlowRider song after years of you know, my mom had a gospel brunch act. She raised my brother and I by singing in the subway for years. She was sung with music under New York for I think twenty or so years until she retired sort of in the last seven years or so. But right before she retired, she was on a flow Writer song. It was, oh, sometimes I get a good feeling. I get a feeling every every like Honda Toyota commercial something like that.
Oh subway said, which was literally every.
Day everywhere, which was really great.
So somewhere I hope she's making a little coin for that was she making some coin?
I think that first year she did. I remember going over to our house and she was like, do you see this dress? I had it made in Japan two thousand dollars. I had six other maid and it's like, all right, bitch, Like so I don't have to pick.
Right, right, right right.
She definitely achieved her goal of being on television in some way and singing for millions and millions of people, which is wonderful.
Were you really closer?
He absolutely not. No. I was like maybe in kindergarten and I called her my best friend and she was like, absolutely not. I'm not your friend.
Wow.
She's like, you'll make a million friends in your lifetime, but you only have one mother, and I'm your mother. But now, my mom and I were not close for a lot of different reasons. She doesn't get me. I'm a little more sensitive to her than she could fathom being to me. But you know, I love and respect her for certain.
So Darling, on this show, I like to think of the arc of the show as like the good, the bad, and the ugly. Right, So let's start with some good stuff. What do you love about your life?
Right now? What was good about your life that brought you here.
You're so much good about my life. Look anyone that's dealt with like low level, mid level, high level depression and I have gone through all of those at some point in my life and probably will again, because depression is not one of those things that you can, like, you know, take an ad doll and get rid of. It's a fight that you have to fight every single day. But there's so many good things about my life.
One.
I know this is gonna sound crazy. I have two cats. I love them desperately. The older one is Aaron. Darrell is the younger one. Darell just had a birthday. He just turned three, and we created a ball pit for him with catnip at the bottom and a baby pool of balls so that he can hang out in. We love these cats, and we is probably the best thing in my life. My husband, I love him. He's such a great He's just such a great man. I love him. He's so much fun. He's my best friend. I remember, like ten years ago, I'd be like, I wish I would be your husband, your best friend. Stupid, but no, he's dead ass my best fid.
I remember, Darling.
We kind of bonded about that, and now it's weird because it's like my husband is also divine. He is not just my husband, he's my best friend. Unlike you only get one husband and you only get one best friend exactly.
My husband is so smart and he's.
Oh google Google, everybody google that.
Besides, he's a good one, and also he's such an incredible partner, where like anything going on in my life, I'm like, Okay, I'm having trouble with this, and I'll just sort of vent to him. And before I'm done venting, he's already googled a solution or like googled what is wrong or whatever. He's always thinking. He's so kind to me, and he's kind in general. He's just a really good person. And it's the easiest relationship I've ever been in. And I felt like this is different when I met him. You know, I'm trying to have a hale phase. I just wanted one more whole phase, just one more. But I realized after spending a few days of them, maybe a few weeks or so, I realized I like who I was when I was with him, Like I like me, which I didn't know that was an option. I didn't know that that was a thing that you could like yourself better with someone else, and I just simply did. And we just celebrated two years of marriage. We've been together every think four years now. He survived the pandemic. We really really sort of hunkered down with each other and really really really loved each other through the pandemic, and it was really nice, at least in my home.
Is he in the business, Oh my god.
No. We met on Riyah. It's a dating app, but it's for the industry. It's very elitist. They go through your contacts and make sure you know famous people, which is it's such a weird act, it really is. He's not in my specific business, but he's business adjacent. He's in music. Actually now he's in tech, but he was an agent for a long time. He's a branding agent. It's nuts. We have a bunch of platinum plaques in my living room now because he has platinum blacks. Yeah.
The fact that you didn't submit some kind of form to me in advance of this marriage, I'm a little upset.
I should meet him.
You should meet him. You would love him.
Moving on, Okay, so here's the middle part. Of this, which is like the bad or something. I feel like, I've seen a million interviews with you about your past, but what's hard in your life right now?
I'm thinking. I'm thinking there are a lot of things. I think certainly like body stuff is probably one of those things. Because I just turned forty and I remember my husband is like two years younger than me, and he was like, you're about to turn forty. He got me these things it said like it was my face on it with the number forty on Instagram fortieth birthday, and I was like, watch your tone.
Likely are you you?
I was like, you don't get it, because I think in two years he'll get it. But there's something odd about turning forty. And this is literally what I thought was, Oh no, I only know how to be adorable.
That's what I thought about you.
And I was happy to see when you logged on how cute you still look? So talk to me about the body issue thing, because that's for me also a big, big, big thing. How do we talk about that? What words do you use? Who do you talk to about?
Are you in therapy?
Yeah? I'm in therapy, yeah yeah, yeah, twice a week, twice a week, save my day.
Yeah, oh my god, I'm eight years old.
Thursday's my day. I love my therapist. Yeah, body issues. The thing about a bud is you cannot escape it and a lot of the issues that you have. There are things that we could see, like everyone can see that I'm fat, but there are also things that you can't see, like I work out five days a week, and that the biggest battle in my life is sugar and carbs. And I can do all the good things, and I do the right things, but I just want to bagel also, And it's like if I buy three days a week and I take pilates, like I literally had this really really tough pilates class last night. I only had one outburst wire screened. How is this not done yet? One time? And pilates is hard. Like I did a strip pull clan, Like I'm doing all these things so that I technically have a healthy body. I have a team of doctors all the time. I don't have diabetes, I don't have high blood pressure. I have looked in my heart over and over again. There's nothing wrong with my heart. I am technically healthy and actually pretty strong. But because I still have a fat body around all the things that I do, and I do mostly eat healthy, but no matter what, when people see me, it's like, why is she so fat? Why are you still fat? You know what they said about Liza the other day. If she dances every night, how comes she's so fat? And it's like, you don't understand. Our bodies are supposed to be different. And just because you can see that I'm bigger than you does not mean that I am less healthy than you. And it doesn't mean that I don't care about myself. I remember someone saying one time, I can't wait till you start loving yourself so that you can lose the weight and taking care of yourself. And it's like, literally every waking moment, I am taking care of myself, but people say stupid things all the time. I actually did get weight loss surgery, and I hadn't told anyone yet, but I was losing weight. And I remember I was living in Chicago and the door woman who I saw all the time, and I'd known for three years or so, one day she said to me, I see you losing weight and I was like, yeah, a little bit, and she's like, don't lose too much because your face is already getting gone, and it's like, bitch, you have a problem with my body when it's fat, you also have a problem with its like and like I remember reading people were writing op eds about their heartbreak for me having a smaller body, which, to be fair, and I have yet to achieve the body that I want and I will never ever achieve the body that other people can be happy with, which is ridiculous. But it's like, why do you think you get to tell me to lose weight and did not lose weight anymore. I don't know you, but your heart broken over me, Like it's so weird. People do not mind their own bodies, and it is hard and it can be quite heartbreaking because not everyone is able to lose weight.
Oh honey, all right, is there a failure that you had in your life that brought you some kind of incredible inspiration, Like you went down and then all of a sudden you learned this beautiful lesson.
I think. So I really think that phone sex and what that brought me, because I fully did it from twenty one and I didn't leave until I was twenty four. It can be really really funny, but the average call is gross and it's not just what they're asking you to do, it's also what they're asking of you. For instance, where I worked, every woman there was black or Latina, Like every one. It was black and brown folks that held up the company. And it was women with bigger bodies too. It was like all of these plus sized women who were either black or Latin. And on the phone you had to be white, full stop. Every single person is white on the phone. You're not only just white, you are also fit with a tiny waist and gigantic kitty and the cutest little butt. And at that point it was still cool to have a small butt. And so it's so like, whatever your butt is, you better make it a little tiny apricot, like your bud is small, okay, ben Yes, And long blonde hair and long hair that was naturally all of these things that we tenderly just are not unless it was completely specified. Like a bunch of different lines got filtered into the same company, and so there was a Latino girl line, there was Asian girl and black girl. No one barely ever called black girl. But if it didn't say either of those three things, you were white. That was the whole thing.
There was no Jewish girl category, No Jewish girl. I'm so tired. Stop bothering me, because that turns out people.
I would have loved. I'd be like, so, why aren't you married? Yeah?
Could you imagine? Oh I was.
Feeling sexy call aginta. I would love that, love that so much. Oh my god, I would live. I have a Jewish mother in law. I love her so much.
Wow, I love that so much for you. I love that so much for you.
Can you please write that into your show, Darling, I write that into your show because that is fucking hilarious.
Okay, that is funny. Oh my god. Wow.
Now you were talking about being a sex worker. So what did it do to your sex life? Did it make you better at sex or scared of it or bored?
What? Oh? Honey? One. I will say this, At the time that I was hired, I would only had one time to beare to be. It was twice. It was the same night, but twice it counts, right?
Does it count?
Night? But sure? I definitely joined thinking, Oh, this is in trouble now because I am sucks because I'm getting paid for being sexy. Okay, everybody's better round because I'm out here. And it did not help at all. It did not help at all, because what you can be over the phone is very different than what you can be in person. And like, also over the phone, I'm literally a small thing, petite white. I had a blonde voice, but I chose to be brunette. So your voice tells you what your hair color is. So like a high pitched voice, a younger voice is blonde, a deeper voice is brunette, and the deepest voice would be a redhead. These are just things that we visually think. And so I was a blonde, I chose to be brunette, and so i'd be like gas and they'd be like blonde. And naturally though, like so I can have more to talk about to saying that who I had to be on the phone was completely different, the very opposite of who I am as a person. And every single call was about getting someone off a lot of times the guys would call because they were lonely and they wanted to make friends and they wanted to talk to someone who was interesting, and they would like me and they would call me back, and I'd be like, wow, this guy really fell for me over the phone, But if he saw me in person, it would be a completely different story. In fact, there's this one guy that called me religiously. He loved me. He was from Alberta, and he would make sure that I was white. He really really wanted to make sure I was white. He would ask me, what kind are you? Irish? Is your skin alabaster? And he would call out racial slurs to make sure that I wasn't that racial slur. And these calls, you're trained to keep them off. There is no scenario where in which it is okay for me to come out of character and cust somebody out over the phone and tell them, well, I am black. It's not helpful and it never works and I'll get written up. And so I really really had to shrink a gigantic part of me, which made this job, while really really fun, made the job extremely demeaning, extremely hard to go to day after day to do these Sometimes I would leave early because I just couldn't take it anymore.
I mean, you had to go somewhere to do the job.
I do it home, So there was a.
Call for right.
Some girls did work from home. But you make more money and the call center because they pay you whether the phone is ringing or not. If you're doing it at home, you're only making money off the calls. And so that's why I worked at a call center, and I would do twelve hours shifts because I could, and because I was young, and you know, like whatever, I'll do an eight pm to eight am, and then the next morning I'd go to church.
Wow, make sure So was there a massive lesson or some kind of great thing that you took.
Absolutely, So every single call, I am playing a different character. I'm Melody twelve sixty six, but also there's a line that's for twenty housewives. So then Melody is a little older and she's married, and I have to figure out where my husband is. And there's so much improv there's so many different characters built into just one job. I had no idea that I was acting other people, did you I was doing phone sex. I had no idea it was training me from what I was going to do for the rest of my life. Yeah, I had no clue. And my first audition for Precious, for my first film, I did it and then immediately went to work and did a twelve hour shift and it did not see the correlation. And even on im Precious, a lot of what ended up in the film are things that I improv. When I was on Empire, I would improv a lot. They would write less lines for me so that I can fill in the brink. I had no idea where did I learn to improv? UCB Nope. Phone sex, phone sex is what taught me. Unbelievable, not so strange and like it really I.
Was like, it's amazing because because here's the thing. I have gone to acting class. I went to performing arts high school and I did acting class for years. And the thing is, it's exactly what you're talking about, and they don't make it simple for you to figure it out. Acting teachers want you to stay in acting class, so they don't say, here's what it's about. It's about pretending so deeply that you actually convince yourself so that if someone says to you, hey, Melody, what do you have for lunch? You can say, well, I had a you know, a cheeseburger and some fries, and all I could think about was eating you know, whatever it is, because that is what it's about. It's like really completely convincing yourself and in a big way, it's about pretending, right, that's serious.
So a very, very big thing that I learned from this is listening. You cannot give the customer what they want unless you are listening. And a lot of times people will tell you exactly what they want and the questions that they ask you as long as you are listening and paying attention. And that is what's happening. When I'm acting, I'm listening to my scene partner, listening to everything so that even if they miss up the line or something, I'll follow that. And when we're improving, you say this thing, I'm going to say something back. I'm going to yes and you. I had no idea that on phone sex I was learning to yes any But that's that's what it is.
Yes, yes, and your testicles, Yes and you and the shot that goes back to therapy. It's listening and kind of listening to a million stories. You know, do you ever think about what you missed out on as a therapist?
I do, I did. I did for a long time. I don't know who people keep confusing me for like just about once a year, someone will be like, oh my god, and you went to an Ivy League school, right, you gotta made it from person? And I'm like, no, I did not like, for whatever reason, people keep mistaking me for someone who did. However, at the beginning of my career, I felt like, damn, you didn't do it. Damn, so this is what you're gonna do instead of like, you're not going to go back to school, you're not gonna get the psycholleges degree, and you're never going to do this. And I felt really stupid. And then people will stop me in the street. People were coming to Q and A's that I was doing and they would say, precious really touched me because I grew up in foster care or I had a parent that was like this, and I felt less alone because I saw your performance. And I'm doing a show called Prank Panel, which is super fun. It's fun. It's so fun. There's like a special episode up on Wholu now and it's going to be officially on ABC in July, so we're excited about it. The province of the show is people pitch their ideas for pranks and then we'll either say no or we'll do it, and we'll produce their prank. So this girl be pitched a prank about her dad, We do the prank, and then they come back and we interview them, and the dad had such a connection to me, and they were like, he's going to be so excited to me, so excited, and I was like why. And it turns out that he grew up in foster care and he saw the movie and he really felt like, this is my life and I'm not alone. And so I realized that, like, look, if I had become a therapist, there's only twenty four hours in a day, five days in a work week, There's only so many customers and patients that I can see and talk to. But with the work that I'm actually doing, I can touch and reach so many more people than I could have ever fathomed with my work just by doing what I do. Even though I want to make this clear, I do what I do for.
Money exactly, I know, pay me, and yes, I will love it.
I will love the job.
My cats need toys. But I do love that aspect that I could make something that I can be a part of, something that feels really fun in the moment, and it goes out into the world and people are able to see themselves through this thing.
I like your generation a lot. How do you communicate with younger people? How do you navigate the world now that you're an adult?
How do I talk to the younger generator? First of all, the next generation, they are getting things done. I think that if anybody can solve global warming, that it's them. We just need enough of them to be rich enough to really do it, or to make the right people feel bad enough or care enough about this, you know, this world in order to do something. But they're so brassy, they're so bold. I love all of the things that they have learned. Look, my generation, we're the first generation getting therapy and out here really talking about it and speaking about boundaries. And they're learning from us, and they're faster. They're faster than us because they're younger getting these things done. I feel like even the look the news is daunting, everything is scary, everything is awful. But I feel like when the younger generation really gets into power that they can turn things around. I think we're gonna end up with a kinder world. I think they're smarter, faster than us. But here's what I'm doing with the youth. I have a young assistant. She's like in her twenties. She's dope. And what I do is I tell her listen. If you're straight and you want to date men, you just have to wrap your brain around dating someone who's bisexual. It's not weird wrap your brain around dating a transmit. I don't know why. She's like, that's what I mean. That's like what I'm telling you. Young, Like, listen, now, just because he's bisexual doesn't mean you can't love it. This is definitely gonna make it seem like my husband is he is not.
He's not.
But I actually had a crush on someone who was bisexual, and I was like, would I And I was like, well, why would not? Because the idea is what I'm already competing with women. I want to compete with a man too. And my grandmother said, if you're not doing it, he'll find somebody else who will. Okay, but babe, you shouldn't be with someone who's cheating on.
You unless you're into polyamory.
Sure.
That's the thing that I love about this new generation. That's one thing I really love about them is that they come right out and they go, I am these few genders, I am this person who likes polyamory. I am that could be very objective about us, and I don't know why people of my generation can't be objective about them. What is better than polyamory, what is better than multiple sexuality or pan sexuality.
Sure, but that's also like, if that is your lifestyle and if that is what makes course for you, I understand it, and people I see it in other people, I accept like it. I don't need to say I accept it, because like, nobody needs me to accept anything. My relationship is very, very monogamous, So I don't like enough people to be in a polyamoral thing, like I don't like too many people.
I'm also so exhausted.
I'm so exhausted, and we have sex occasionally and it's fun and it's great, and then I'm exhausted, you know, So I don't understand how I would accommodate it.
I like the language, and I like that people are more accepting, and I feel like they're exploratory a little faster. I feel like my generation was like going to college and being like, maybe i'll kiss a girl. They get me to it, ya exploring the ideas of gender and gender norms and sexuality are different to them.
That's true, that's true. And I look at you and I'm like, she would be the greatest mother.
Thank you. I do want children. I'm going to let that baby know immediately we're not friends.
But you know what, to go back to that thing that she said, it's good to say, you know what, you get one mother.
You know, I make more friends, could make more friends. I cannot make another mother. I can't. He was right, right, I think of her thinking was made me more independent and not codependent with my mother. I don't lean on her for anything.
That's a good thing, that's a really good thing.
But you know, it's funny because your relationship with your mom is quite a defined thing because we've spoken about it. I know where you are with her, whereas with mine, it's really malleable and elastic. And I hate her and then I really love her, and then I just hate her.
You know.
I remember Steve Sondheim. He was a really good friend of mine, and there are stories about his mother, Darling, and what she said to him and what she wrote to him. She was a monster, and he had every right to like really hate that woman, you know. And one day my mother said something so awful to me, and I called him and I was like, Steve, I get it. I understand now, I'm so excited it finally happened. She finally showed herself as a full monster to me, and Steve was like, yeah, yeah, nice, if I'll call you back, you know, it's like, what does that mean? He because call me in two hours when you love her again. Because even if you hate them, you love them.
That's the nature of having a relationship with someone you didn't choose, which is your family. Things change like hours in a day, and there are also aspects of someone that you can absolutely hate, one hundred percent hate, but then there are other things where it's like, well, you did teach me this, and I do get this from you, and this is the thing I like about you. I think. I was anxious about my book coming out and I called my mom and I was looking for comfort there. I was looking for her to be like, oh, it's okay, You're okay, You're going to do amazing, You're wonderful, blah blah blah, even though she had never been like that, Like, that's never where I got comfort or reassurance for something. Sure when I was a child, but as an adult, no, And when she did not perform the thing I wanted her to perform, I was upset, and we hung up and I told my therapist, and my therapist said, you know, if you go down the home depot, they don't sell milk. They sell tools. There's you can buy plants there, but you cannot buy milk.
Nice.
If you go to your mom looking for this thing, looking for affection, looking for this thing that she actually has never given you, then that's on. You don't go to home depot to buy milk. Yep, and so and so in that ju she's a good, yodd therapist. This one she's great. But like with that, I learned that with everyone with anything, I take what is useful. I take what I can get, and for the things I can't, I find them other places that much. For my cat, like my older cat, I love him so much, he does not want to cuddle with me at all. At best, he'll sit near me and take a nap, but he's not going to cuddle with me. He doesn't sell that, but the younger one does. And so I take what I can from Aaron, and I get my cuddle from dress.
You do same thing from me. All right, Well, I have one last question, darling. What is the head line of your obituary?
In the New York Times.
When you go, oh, that's dark, I feel like it's so light filled.
So I think the first thing it would have to say is predeceased by her husband. I'm not allowed to die before him. Literally, he says it just about every day. I'm not allowed to. Honestly, he's obsessed with me and can't live in the world without me, And honestly, this is exactly what I deserve anyway, just wonderful. So predeceased by her husband, Brandon Frankel Gabery City Bay fanatically spelt and get it right even in death, get me right, bitch. Loved by many, missed by all, survived by her children, grandchildren, cats, and grand cats. Lived a wonderful, long and out loud life, award winning, multi award winning after director, producer, writer, kick an ass until the next life.
I agree with all of that, except I would never want my dogs to live because what would they do without me? Like Arnold is so measly with treats, and he won't feed them at the table.
I'm not kidding.
Every time I go on a plane, I text him right before I'm about to take off, and I go, Darling, if I go down. You give my dog's chicken as much as you can, like every minute, Just give them a lot of chicken, because that's all they fucking want, you know them exactly.
And I know that if it's my last dying thing, he will do it.
I would when I have kids. My kids are going to be very kind. My kids are going to be at least half my husband, and he's a the dopust, and so they're probably going to be like mediums and witches, just impass with an innate ability to speak to animals. And so I will trust those children with my animals, with my cats.
Yes, beautiful, beautiful, I love you so much. I can't believe we're not best. I moved there was a whole I know, I know. I miss you all right, Well, I love you. Goodbye, dah bye.
I love you.
So you know.
Something about Gabaret Citabey. She is like this crazy archetype in our culture. And I always wonder to myself, is that intentional?
Did it just happen?
And again and again as I do these interviews on Hello Isaac, I realize that it's a really good mix of this kind of preconceived idea, like a destination and then like the world kind of gets involved and changes the whole thing and makes it even better. Gabby talks about not even thinking about being an actor, and then she becomes this crazy like example of what an actor is. And that was just chance. That happened by chance, and yet she had an intention in this world to be something and to do something great. Anyway, That's what I took away from all of this, and I just loved it.
Darlings.
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This is Isaac.
Msrahi, thank you, I love you, and I never thought I'd say this, but goodbye Isaac. Hello Isaac is produced by Imagine Audio awfully Nice and I AM Entertainment for iHeartMedia. The series is hosted by me Isaac Msrahi Hello Isaac. Is produced by Robin Gelfenbein. The senior producers are Jesse Burton and John Assanti. VI is executive produced by Ron Howard, Brian Grazerkarra Welker, and Nathan Cloke at Imagine, Audio production management from Katie Hodges, Sound design and mixing by Cedric Wilson. Original music composed by Ben Waltzer. A special thanks to Neil Phelps and Sarah Katanak at i AM Entertainment