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A TikToker gave her number out to a cutie on the train.
Moments later she receives a rejection text and people are reading between the lines.
We want to know, do you see the red flags too?
We love chit chatting, so whatever we can't say on air, we put here, In our catchup podcast! Every weekday we bring you a replay of our show and an extended segment just for the podcast (like this one!).
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Have you ever mustered up the courage to, you know, go up to someone in public, shoot your shop, maybe give them a number, tell you you're hands them. It takes a certain amount of courage to do that, and I would argue that if you've done that in the past, you've been egged on by a friend or wants to see you fail, or wants a fun story to reflect on tomorrow. But imagine this. I saw it on TikTok. This girl's at a train station. She gives her number to this guy. He looks hands and they don't really have an interaction or anything like that. It's just she's clocked him, you know. It's it's a moving space. He could get on the next train, I could. We might never meet again. I'm just gonna do what I do best. And she said that he took it pretty well, like he got the number, he was like gracious about it, and that was it. She's obviously awaiting his text message because you know, she doesn't have his number, and that's how these things should go. If he's really keen, he will message you, and then you will know what's on. So when he does message her, this is what he ends up saying. And I need you to let me know if you think that there's anything wrong with the way that he's phrased this message off. It's perfectly appropriate for the scenario. He says, Hey, waving hand emoji, you gave me your number on the train an hour ago. Smiley blushing face. It's super bold. You must be from somewhere, great, smiley face. I really appreciate your message and your kindness from the very beginning, and you seem very nice yourself. You made my night. Unfortunately, I love someone very much. From the bottom of my heart. I hope you spend the most lovely evening and a wonderful stay in Paris.
Love is in the air. Sincerely, yours, Tan guy. Cool, Okay, after Dome.
How do you feel about that look? I can see it on your paper. It's very long. I was wondering you guys barely know each other. This is an essay. However, I think that's kind of a lovely message.
Stay.
I like it. I think it's lovely.
Yeah.
What I was originally going to say when you told me about this segment was that if someone gives you a number and you're either like not interested, or you can't be with them, or you can't like explore it. You just should never message them. Oh okay, but I kind of like, given his circumstances, I think that's lovely.
Well, yes, you would be in I would say, a pretty vocal majority. But there's also a really vocal minority who feels as though the red flags are jumping up in this text. Here is where the message is great, you gave me your number an hour ago, where you know we're expressing some context. Here it's super bold, you must be great. We're complimenting, we're acknowledging the bravery and the courage.
I really appreciate your.
Kindness, you made my night. These are all great things. Now here's where it gets a bit confusing. When he's gone to say I can't be with you, and he's provided the reason he said this, unfortunately, comma, I love someone very much from the bottom of my heart. That unfortunately is a bit concerning because perhaps to you the person is not his partner. You'd be like, okay, whatever, that's but his partner are you unfortunately in love with me?
Second red flag, Sincerely yours oh, sincerely yours.
Damn.
We do love semantics because words mean things, and I feel as though we like to hide behind the ambiguity of language and the ambiguity of intention versus impact, to not be held accountable for what we say and how we say it. This man could have easily just said I love someone very much from the bottom of my heart and so FYI, or simply hey, you gave me a number one ago. You're super bold, like you're amazing, I have a girlfriend, but like, good luck.
On your search.
This man has spent more than half of the message validating this woman and where he's referenced the reasons that they can't be together.
It's unfortunate.
Are you saying, don't let your current girl and get in the way of finding your wife? Are you trying to cut things off with the girlfriend now? Unfortunately I love someone from the bottom of my heart.
Are you paint? Okay?
No? No? If he said unfortunately I have a girlfriend, I'd get the knives out. But unfortunately, I love someone very much from the water of my heart. If I was the girlfriend and I read that, I'd be like.
Oh why unfortunately, oh, unfortunately for the person that's a weird phrase. Unfortunately for you, I love someone, he's saying. Is he also saying that like there is no girlfriend, But he's just saying, unfortunately, I'm in an unrequited love situation. I can't really like show up, you know, like I'm just not in a place right now.
I love the ending.
I hope you spend the most lovely evening and a wonderful stay in Paris.
Lovers in their stunning sincerely yours.
It's giving mixed messaging hugely.
Because listen to me, I don't know if you've ever been a desperate person in lust like crush, unrequited love, whatever it is.
But there is so.
Much in this message to take and run with, so much, so much to start fantasizing about, so much to start building on. Because realistically, if I in a daze of a rose tinted glass, a rose tinted shade, all I'm seeing is that you're in love with me and which need to get rid of your girlfriend.
It let's work together.
King.
The thing he got me when he said you made my night, that was a bit red hot to me.
This just sounds like this has never happened to him.
Yeah, yeah, And he's absolutely beside himself.
And you've only given it an hour, an hour, one hour of extreme happiness.
Micky, have you ever given someone your number unsolicited?
I don't think so. Oh really have you?
Yeah, It's happened like both ways for me.
I've received an unsolicited number, I've received a number.
I've done an unprovoked gone up to someone and tuned them. But that's different.
And why is that different?
Because I'm built, I'm staying that, I'm engaging in the conversation, I'm chatting, I'm la la la la la, and then I'm like, what's your number? I'm not like passing a number leaving.
Oh.
I like that you run away, But I think it's cute.
But a few things came to mind when I read this, because I often when I speak to my guy friends and I draw parallels between my guy friends and my girlfriends. This kind of like text editing or going to the brain trust and saying like, does this sound appropriate? It's a very well in my circles, the girls do that quite a bit. The guys, however, kind of go on a rampage and then circle back when things fall apart and say, hey, can you help me dissect these text messages and let me know where it went wrong. Right right, So there's a difference in that. So I can imagine receiving this screenshot from a guy friend and being like, babes, what are you thinking?
Like you're not keen.
I had this one guy friend. Uh, he's pissy, So do with that information what you will. TikTok often dislikes pissy's men because they're like, oh, they do all the right things, they say, are the right things. They're really sweet, but they're for the streets. They've got a lot of love for everyone, and when you receive that love, you think it's just you. You're one of many. He was a great example of this. I would hang out with him so frequently and hear all these conversations he would have about the next favorite girl, yeah, or even so it wouldn't even be the next favorite girl. Some girl would just show him interest and he'd be like, oh, look, I'll see this through like it's a bit of fun.
I had.
There's this one core memory of he had just moved to a new city and this girl had been like a fan of him on Instagram. Because he's like a creative but like in a niche way. So she's been a fan of him and then she like DMed him and was like, oh my god, like let's hang out.
And I was like, what do you feel?
And he was like, not really attracted to her, not really my type, don't really have anything common.
But we've set a date. This is my worst I hate this.
Okay, cool, why did you set a day? He's like, Oh, I'm really flattered, Like that's so kind of nice and like it could be fun. And to me, like, I can't imagine receiving a text message from someone I'm not interested in, not attracted to, and like could not see any kind of genuine interest from my end or even superficial interest and still see it through.
It's the whole like practice, practice, practice, yeah, exactly, And if you're not looking for anything, everything is fun exactly.
So I'm like, okay, good, Like you said a date, and I'm thinking, like it's gonna be like casual drink, you know, at a bar, go leave, maybe I have a one night said, I don't know. I said, what's the date. He's like, well, I've invited her over. I went to the farmer's market. I'm cooking her this pie from scratch heavy. I've like just finished his new ceramics class, so like, I made these new incense holders, I'm going to gift her one because I was already making one. And I was like, Okay, this is all very sweet, and I know you because you're a sweet, sweet sweet man, but is it necessary for someone you are not interested in? And we didn't really resolve our different opinions, but the point that he ended up making was he's one half of this interaction and he wants to have a good experience. He likes the way it feels when someone responds to him. Well, he likes the way it feels to be in the presence of someone who's attracted to him, who thinks he's charming and slurty and funny and light. And so he's doing what he can on his end to facilitate the best case scenario outcome for his portion of that experience. And so he's like, it doesn't like, it shouldn't matter that I don't want what she wants because we don't have established anything. But if this is the first and last time that I ever interact with her, I'm not trying to waste my night and have a subpar meal I don't want to eat because I feel like I don't want to give the wrong impression. If I'm going to cook a pie, I want to cook a pie. And if I mood yeah, and if I feel thoughtful enough that I'm already making something and this could be a nice gesture because I know that it will help her respond to me more positively, then why wouldn't I do that? And in a lot of ways you can come across as quite manipulative, but that is the basis of manipulation, to use the tools that you have, the words, the actions, in the context to create a scenario that works in line with your agenda. So you can positively manipulate, negatively manipulate. It just depends on who you have in mind when you're doing that. And he just had himself in mind. He was like, I want to have a good night and a good time. And so when I see your messages like this, I'm like, I could so imagine you would send a message like this, not realize the traps you've left, the bait you have left to give someone the impression that if you wanted, if you could, you would.
What's just keeping a little option there for when the GA.
You know what I mean, You know what I mean. Everybody on nice, everybody on nice.
But what I just found most interesting about this interaction is, like with all things, any every single thing in the entire world, people have these like wildly opposing ideas of what is actually happening. And the only way you get to the bottom of what is actually happening is if you see clarity awful from the person.
It never gets easier.
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