Bonus: Thanksgiving Thoughts from Dani

Published Nov 28, 2019, 5:00 AM

Dani shares her thoughts, a personal story and well wishes this Thanksgiving.

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Family Secrets is a production of I Heart Radio. Hey, they are Family Secrets listeners. It's Danny here with some thoughts to share with you on Thanksgiving, because Thanksgiving and family secrets go together like well, like turkey and stuffing, sweet potatoes and marshmallows, cranberry sauce, and I'll stop there. I don't even like cranberry sauce. I think it's safe to say that Thanksgiving stirs up a lot of stuff from many of us. I mean, why do you think there are so many movies and so many novels that are dysfunctional family stories said at the Thanksgiving table or over Thanksgiving weekend. I know a few people who don't feel anything but joy as the holiday's approach. People who have easy, blessed, open, completely unconditionally loving relationships with all their relatives. People who bound out of bed on Thanksgiving morning in their homes where family members who have already gathered from far and wide are in the kitchen, coffee mugs in hand, dressing the turkey, pre heating the oven to four fifty, playing scrabble or what have you. And I'm happy for these people, I really am. But many of us have slightly more complicated situations. For some of us, there's loss. For instance, my husband's father died two years ago just after Thanksgiving, and let's just say he had a very large presence. So when we gathered today, there will be a sense of absence, of loss, of things left unseid and undone. When my mother was living, the holiday was incredibly fraught for me. I was her only child, and I felt I had to be with her, though I really didn't want to be. One year, my husband and I hosted a huge friends giving just so there would be enough people at the table to absorb my mother's toxicity. Seventeen people around the table at our small apartment in the York City. After the holiday, our friends escorted my mother the few blocks back to her building. I was doing the dishes when the phone rang. It was my mother and she was at the hospital. She had fallen on the sidewalk just outside her apartment building and was in the emergency room. She was still in her fancy designer dress when we rushed to the e r and when I walked in, I swear she looked almost triumphant. She had gotten all the attention after all. She looked at me gestured to her dress and asked, is there blood on my unaro? Then she said, you can't use that? Well here, I am sorry, but I'm using it. It's just too good. This year, I've heard so many family secrets. People listen to this podcast or read my memoir Inheritance, and they tell me there's I've heard from people who have discovered secrets were kept from them, and I've heard from the secret keepers. I've heard from people who feel liberated, ashamed, confused, people who are grieving, are still in shock, or don't know what to do with what they've learned. In one of my bonus episodes last season, I spoke with the author and therapist Laurie Gottlieb, and I asked her the question, do you think there's ever a good reason to keep a secret? And Laurie's answer was ultimately no, that no matter how difficult, shocking, or painful, ultimately we're better off knowing. I think I agree with this, because one way or another, were shaped by the secrets we keep or the secrets that are kept from us, whether we're aware of it or not. I do think, though, that there's a time and a place for secrets to be revealed, and so I'd like to humbly suggest that perhaps Thanksgiving isn't the time or place emotions are running high. There's all the cultural and societal pressure, all the Instagram posts of glowing candles and brisk outdoor walks and perfect pumpkin pies, and many of us find ourselves on edge. Whatever is going on inside of us, it tends to be heightened, like the dial inside of us that regulates our emotions got turned up a few notches. So, my friends, right now, as you're listening to this, stop for a moment. Just stop. Take a breath, Take a deep breath. You can do this wherever you're listening, in a car, in bed, in your kitchen, while you're sticking that turkey in the oven, or facing a sink full of dishes, while your family is all around you. You can feel yourself breathing in, breathing out. Get in touch with your own body, your own self, your own heart. You've got this, And don't forget the reasons all these people tend to push our buttons, trigger us, make us feel all the feels. It's because there are family, and whether we like them or not, we love them. They're hours and also don't forget what this holiday is really supposed to be about, giving thanks. I am thankful to all of you. I never dreamt i'd create a podcast, much less one that has found so many devoted listeners. So here's to you. As I work on season three, which will launch in early February, I'm incredibly grateful that I get to do this work and have the privilege of hearing so many of your stories. Speaking of which, if you'd like to call in and record your story for possible bonus episode of Listeners Stories, please call one eight eight Secret zero. That's one eight secret and the number zero. We would love to hear from you. Happy holidays all, mm hmmmm. For more podcasts for my Heart Radio, visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

Family Secrets

Family Secrets. We all have them. And while the discovery of family secrets can initially be terrify 
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