Marriage is a genuine blessing, but busy schedules, unresolved conflicts, and external pressures can slowly unravel a marriage. Shortly after Marilyn and Brad Rhoads got married, they encountered these same patterns and pain.
If you need a marriage reset, Brad and Marilyn can help. Learn how God transformed their relationship as they grew a grace marriage!
Today's resource: The Grace Marriage
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Well. Hey there friends, welcome to another exciting edition of equipped with Chris Brooks! I am so fired up that you've joined us today. Why don't you do me a favor? Strap on your seatbelt. We're going to navigate through the contours of culture, as always, with the lens of the biblical worldview on. But before we do that, let me remind you, this is the day that the Lord has made. He has given it as a gift so that you and I can rejoice and be glad in it. So let's do just that. Let's follow the words of the Apostle Paul. Let's rejoice in the Lord always. And again I say, rejoice. Well, I today want to help you to win at home. You know, I'm a sports fan. I love watching sports. And one of the things that happens as teams approach the playoffs is everyone wants home field advantage. And there's a reason why we want home field advantage, because playing an away game is always tougher than playing at home. It should be that way. You should feel like when you're home and you got home field advantage, you got the fans cheering for you. Everything's going well for you. Well, for a lot of us, when it comes to our own homes and families, it doesn't feel like we have home field advantage. As a matter of fact, some are in marriages right now and every day feels like an away game. Have you ever walked through the door after a long day of work, and you felt like you were coming home to booze instead of cheers? You felt like you were coming home to fans who were against you instead of someone who's rooting for you. Today, I want to be able to help you in your marriage, and it's so important to us because I do believe that the building blocks for a healthy society is the home, and the primary building block of every culture is the family. So that means that we can't have healthy churches without healthy families. We can't have a healthy society without healthy families. But how do we get there? How do we get from where we are right now, maybe in a place of detachment, disengagement, despair, maybe very discouraged in your marriage to a place where you're thriving and excited about it? Well, today I'm really excited to have a couple on who has walked that journey from despair to excitement, who have walked the journey really from performance based to a hope filled, grace filled marriage. I'm talking about Brad and Marilyn Rhoads, and I'm really excited to have them on with me. Uh, they are the founders of the Ministry of Grace marriage, uh, which started in 2015 to help churches and couples prioritize marriage. Uh, prior to pursuing marriage ministry, Brad worked as a full time attorney. Marilyn also holds a master's degree in social work, and they together are helping marriages go from being performance based to being grace based. And I'm so fired up to have them with me. Brad, can you hear me, brother?
I can hear you.
Well, it's Miss Marilyn there. Hi, Marilyn. How are you?
Hello. I'm doing great. How are you doing?
I am very, very excited to have you with me. I was out to breakfast a few weeks ago with a good friend, Dave Wilson. I love Dave and Ann Wilson. And Dave said to me, you need to talk to Brad and Marilyn Rhodes and it'll change your life. And I always take his recommendations, and I'm really grateful that you've joined us today. Let's talk a little bit, if you don't mind, about Grace marriage. Can you describe the ministry, Marilyn, of Grace marriage and what you guys do?
Well, our heart is to help couples thrive in their marriages, for marriages to be held in honor among all, for marriage to take priority. And in our own marriage. We didn't do that. And we saw what the grace of Christ did for our marriage, and we wanted to share that with others. Brad's more the detail guy. If you want to jump in here, Brad, and share the specifics, but that's our specific.
Yeah. Specifically, what we do is we equip churches with an ongoing marriage ministry. We give churches a strategy to help couples grow and thrive so that the couples in your church, it's not we'll do your premarital. And if you ever hate each other, call us. We'll do crisis counseling. It is what we will do is we will put you on a. We'll give you a strategy. You follow the strategy. You enjoy each other more and more. You stay connected. You navigate those difficult seasons together. You don't let your marriage get away from you. So we we equip churches all over the country. A lot of churches don't have an ongoing marriage ministry platform. We partner with them to make sure they do.
Yeah. Let's talk about that a little bit more. Brad, give me your sense of how the church is doing when it comes to strengthening and supporting marriages. As you've gotten a chance to get a sense of the landscape, where is the church currently at?
I got a long way to go. I mean, we've had a flawed strategy for decades, and there's been significant consequences of it. When I was ordained pastor of marriage at our church, here was our strategy. We'll get you ready for marriage. We won't talk to you at all about it. And then if you ever hate each other and want a divorce, call us and we'll spend thousands of dollars on you and lose. About 80% of them. Just didn't seem like the best strategy. But we didn't have a strategy for marriage. We didn't have a discipleship platform. We had children's ministry, we had youth ministry, but we had no marriage ministry. And for me, I realized that our church's family ministry was dysfunctional because a family ministry without a marriage ministry is a dysfunctional family ministry. But then I looked around and realized our church was normal. A community of Barna study showed that 72% of churches have no substantive marriage ministry. But God is moving and I believe in the not too distant future. Virtually every Bible believing church will have a dedicated marriage ministry and will start changing the way people do marriage from a.
You know, this this is so interesting to me and I'm so grateful for you bringing in that stat, because I don't think that's a matter of the heart. I think that's so often there is a desire to see marriages flourish. I know as a pastor myself, man, I want to see the marriages of my church flourish. I know you can't build a strong church on the backs of weak marriages, but I think that so often there is a sense of man. Do we have the tools that are available? Or maybe even the belief that conferences are enough, retreats are enough. And Marilyn, I would love for you to just maybe respond to this. Our conferences and retreats Enough.
They are not we there? They're important. And they are just like, give us an inoculation and we leave. They're inspired and we do better for a while. But then life takes over again. And unless we prioritize our marriage and make space on a regular basis to say, hey, we're going to invest in our marriage, we're going to think about our marriage and how can we proactively love and protect and guard our marriage and put the gospel on display for others to see. So they're drawn to the institution of marriage as well. It's just so important.
Yeah, I love that you bring that up. And in some ways, Marilyn, I'm going to maybe take it a step further and say that I think conferences and retreats at times can be a little bit dangerous. And when I say that, what I mean is that I think it's dangerous sometimes to awaken people to what ought to be without equipping them on how to get there. And so sometimes you can leave a retreat and you got this picture. I know that, man. We are not where we ought to be. But now that I have this picture, if I don't have somebody showing me how to get there, it's going to be a major, major problem. Here's what I want to do today. I want to introduce people to your book, the Grace Marriage How the Gospel and Intentionality Transform Your Relationship. I want to make sure I introduce him. By the way, those of you who love Julie Slattery, Doctor Slattery wrote the foreword for the book, a big fan and friend of the program, but I also want to open up the phone lines today. It is a gift and a blessing to have Brad and Marilyn with us, and I would love to take your calls. Maybe you're listening. You say, I love my spouse, but we are just not on the same page right now. I want my marriage to work, but right now it is really, really tough. I am trying to trust God, but right now I'm having a hard time holding on to hope. If that's you, I want you to give us a call at 8775675. I'll give that number again. 877548 3675. We would love to be your prayer partner today and maybe give you some wisdom and encouragement, much needed wisdom and encouragement and direction. But I know this that God gets more glory from marriages restored than he does from marriages that don't make it. And today, I believe that God wants your marriage to not only survive, but to thrive. So take advantage of this moment. Call 877548 3675. Let's talk about the early years of marriage. You guys, like me and my wife, are about 27 years in to the marriage. But how was that first year, Brad?
Well, it was a lot worse than Maryland. Than it was for me.
Um, you're in two different.
Marriages.
Huh?
Oh, man. Yeah, I would have told you everything was fine. She'd have told me that it was the biggest disappointment of her entire life. I mean, I. I quickly went from her favorite person to her least favorite person in about six months. And, um, you know, it was, um, you know, Marilyn felt like it was a bait and switch. You were so good in dating. And then all of a sudden, you turn the fire hydrant off and ignored me once we got married. So it was. What was.
It? What was it that you that caused? Obviously you loved her. You wanted to marry her and spend your life with her. What do you think you did wrong in that first year, Brad?
I think it's a I think it's a societal problem. My marriage is is just supposed to work. You know, you get married and you're just married and it's supposed to work. Nobody really teaches how to invest, how to do it. Well, what you need to do on an ongoing basis for to thrive in your marriage. It's just, uh, you're crazy about each other dating, and you're so crazy about each other post wedding day, it's just supposed to work. And I just kind of fell in that that ditch and was conformed to the patterns of the world where I just took my foot off the gas, Went to build a law practice and figured Maryland should just be okay with it. And she wasn't okay with it and our marriage wasn't working. Maryland prayed, Lord, am I sentenced to a life of this? So when you're when you're a husband and you're compared to a prison, it's not like that's not the it's not the it's not the ideal spot.
So, so so you would describe yourself, Brad, as kind of on cruise control thinking this is supposed to take care of itself, but not really intentional about pursuing a great marriage. Marilyn. You. I would love to hear from you. Let's go back to that first year of marriage. What was it like for you and what do you think the problem was?
Well, I think we were both the problem. I think that when you have two selfish people coming to marriage for what they can gain from it, rather than what God's called us through in Scripture, that it's laying down your life for one another. Our marriages are to be a picture of the gospel. I did not understand that concept in any form, so I was looking to Brad to meet my needs, what I wanted from him. I wasn't thinking at all about what I was to bring to the marriage, and I was pointing those things out. At that time, I was in graduate school, so I'm thinking, I've got to tell him everything he's doing wrong, or we're going to get in these unhealthy patterns and he won't know. And so I was talking about everything that bothered me, and I was crying on a regular basis. He was pretty miserable, I was pretty miserable. And I really had taken my eyes off the Lord and put my hope in Brad. And like Brad said, we buy into this lie that marriage should just work. And if it's not, there's this huge problem. But we know in every other part of our life it takes work, our jobs, our talents, our hobbies. With children we know everything takes work, but we think marriage should be fine without work. And that's just not true. So it was a really tough year and I did. I went to the Lord. I just over and over and just was crying out in my is this it? And then I really felt convicted by the Lord that I'm your hope, not Brad. And what am I calling you to in marriage? And so I went to Brad and I asked for his forgiveness. And I said, I am so sorry I've put you in the place of God. And that had put me on a roller coaster of happy or sad based on what Brad was or wasn't doing. And when I just surrendered him to the Lord.
And.
Just started praying to the Lord. Okay, how are you calling me to love Brad? That's where my focus needs to be. It was a game changer in our marriage.
Wow.
I want to open up the phone lines again. Eight. Seven. Seven. Live. Six. Seven. Five. That's eight. Seven. Seven. Five. Four. Eight. 36. 75. I don't think it's a mistake that you're listening today. It's not a coincidence. God sees you, and he wants your marriage story to be transformed. And I do want to give some hope because some people are honking their horns, pumping their fists, saying, I hear you. You are speaking to my heart. This is exactly where I'm I'm at. But let's give some hope. You give this title to chapter one of your book. Great love stories can Have Ugly beginnings. Brad. What does that mean?
Well, our first year was ugly. Our first fight was at our wedding reception. You know, like, we we'd never really fought until 45 minutes after our wedding. So when I was, when I was being rude to the photographer. And Marilyn didn't like that, so. So, um. But it was. And then our honeymoon. Marilyn says the honeymoon was over before the honeymoon was even over. So it's like. I mean, when you say we got off to a bad start. I mean, we got off to a bad. We got a bad start. You're talking sports. You know, we were down ten. Nothing first minute into the game.
You know.
So so you know that's that's and I didn't really understand it because I was building a law practice. Everybody else seemed to like me. Fine. I wonder what's Maryland's problems like? Everybody else seems to be okay with Brad. Is everybody else wrong? Yeah. No, they're. But they're. Maryland's the only one that really knew me, so.
Yeah. Well, you know, I love the fact that you guys are raw. You're honest, you're authentic. And in many ways, the difficulty of your early days gives us hope. Because maybe you feel like, man, I'm down ten to nothing. Or maybe you feel like our honeymoon was over before our honeymoon was over. And you can relate. Well, I want you to know the great love stories can have ugly beginnings. God is able to turn it around. We serve a God of miracles. But not just miracles. Marital miracles as well. But how do you get there? And what is a grace marriage? We're going to talk about that on the other side of this break. Phone number 775675. Also find out more at Equip radio.org.
We'll be right back.
On equip we tackle the tough issues and there sure have been many this past year, but we continue to confront them with the relevant biblical truth of the gospel. As we turn to a new year, will you join our Christ centered approach by becoming an auto gift monthly partner? Keep equip on the air in your community and across the nation. You're 30, 50, or $85 a month gift will make a huge difference in this new year. Equip yourself and make a difference for Christ and His Kingdom at the same time by calling 888644 4144 or go to Equip radio.org. Welcome back to equip with Chris Brooks. Want to say thanks to our friends and partners? It's amazing to think that we are in the last month of 2024. God has been so good and he's been so faithful. And in many ways, his goodness and his grace has come to us through your generosity. Thank you for praying for equip. Thank you for your support, for equipped, and for partnering with us so that we can walk through the doors that God is opening to share the gospel and to equip Christians to more effectively live, share, and defend their faith. Today, we stand about $7,400 away from our budgeted goal for this month. And so if God is speaking to your heart about generosity for equip, I would ask that you would just simply obey him, knowing that on the other side of your obedience, lives are being changed forever and for eternity. The phone number to find out more to give safely and securely is 888644 4144. That's 888644 4144 or go to equip radio.org. Well, maybe you're married today and you say, Chris, I'm married, but trust has been broken. I'm married, but my heart has been wounded. I'm married, but hope has been lost in many ways. As painful as all of those realities are, it might just be that you're exactly where God wants you. And I say that not flippantly. I say that because I believe that sometimes in our lowest places, when we're most open to following God, hearing from the Lord, and I'm convinced that God can and desires to heal your marriage, that's going to mean transformation, and you'll need a roadmap for that. And that's why I'm recommending the Grace Marriage How the Gospel and Intentionality Transform Your Relationship by Brad and Marilyn Rhoads Brad, I want to come back to you for just a moment. Marilyn shared how tough year one was. You did as well. She also shared a little bit about the turning point for her when she realized that, man, I've made an idol out of marriage. I made an idol out of Brad, and I need to put God back on the throne of my heart. Look to him. What was the turning point for you, Brad?
Yeah, my mom was a very clear point in time, the turning point. So I really didn't see much wrong with me until I had a very had a very had a very aggressive uncle who forced me to go to a marriage conference. When I say forced, I mean cleared my schedule of work, cleared my schedule at home, bought my ticket, then called me, but I didn't want to go. And when I went, um, I just it was a marriage conference. They put the scripture up. Husbands love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave his life for her. And and I was just given space. Okay, Brad, just list everything you do to give your life up for Maryland. And I just sat there. I didn't have anything to write down. Then the scripture live with your wife and understanding way. And I was asked, how often do you just sit and ask her questions and listen to her and get to know her and show her? I never did that. Didn't that passage don't be harsh with your wife are sarcastic and rude. And I realized I was worse to Maryland than any other human being. And so it may have been when I was saved. I mean, it's just like, all of a sudden my sin became clear. I understood why she cried. I understood why she was disappointed. I understood why she was sad. And I just came back and I said, look, babe, the only thing that's going to be different is everything. I said, don't believe me, I wouldn't believe me. But in five years you'll know God changed your husband. It was weird. I knew something inside me had changed. And from that point forward, we started going on a date every week and from our marriage went from really stable to great. You know, over that, over that weekend. And, you know, God, just God just moved. And then, you know, to your point, you know, the conference didn't ride you through life. We started investing in our marriage consistently through grace. Marriage have the last 13 years.
Man, I think that's an awesome testimony. And one of the things that comes out of that is being willing to confront the tough questions. God, how are we really doing? And am I really being intentional about investing in my marriage and laying down my life for my spouse like you did for me and applying the gospel? And really, what I love about your book and we should dive into more of it. But what I love about the book is that what you guys are simply doing, Marilyn and Brad is applying the gospel to your marriage and saying the gospel actually works when we apply it to our marriages. Let's go to the phone lines. Steven is listening in Nashville, Tennessee. Hey Steven, thank you so much, brother, for listening to equip. How can we pray for you today?
Well, um, I appreciate your program. I appreciate, uh, listening. I listen to you guys every day, and I just wanted to say that more churches do need marriage programs. I go to a great church, but we don't have a marriage program at our church, and I just feel like so many marriages would benefit from it. And the reason why I was calling today is because everything that you guys are talking about is exactly what I'm dealing with. Except here's the difference. It's role reversal. And my household is more like I'm the female and she's the male in how we interact with one another. I try to be very caring. I try to be very loving. I try to, uh, I go to God and ask God to help me be a better husband, help me to communicate in a better way. And it's just it's it's not happening. I mean, I feel unappreciated. I know, uh, like, you know, I'm being overlooked. And there is I feel like there's no time. And for me and all these things that we've had discussions about, but we just constantly argue and bigger, and I just don't know what else to do at this point.
And, Stephen, how long have you guys been married?
Uh, going on four years now.
Going on four years. Well, first off, I want you to know I'm grateful for your love for the Lord. I'm so grateful for your love for your wife, your family. I'm also grateful for the precious gift of a good church that you guys, you can say, man, we're a part of a good church. All of those things are wonderful. And even though your church may not have like a formal ministry and we're praying that more churches will, and that's one of the reasons why I wanted to have Brad and Marilyn on. Uh, what you probably do have is good leaders at your church, and I would encourage you to get some help and not feel like marriage has to be, uh, a sport that you take on by yourself. It's a team sport, and you need other support players with you in this endeavor. I'm also going to do something for you, brother, because I really want to help you. And I hear. I hear your pain, I hear your frustration. I want to give you a copy of Brad and Marilyn's book. So I want you to stay on the line. I'm going to ask Brad to quickly pray for you, but I'm also going to give you a copy of Brad and Marilyn's book, just as a way of saying thank you, and that we love you and we want to invest. You keep holding on, keep looking to Jesus. Read the book, and I believe that God's grace will be at work in your marriage. Brad, would you mind praying for Steven?
It'd be my privilege. Lord, I thank you for Steven. I thank you for his pursuit of a godly marriage. I pray for breakthrough. I pray for them that they would that you would just move miraculously in both of them such that they richly enjoy one another. I pray that grace reigns in their home and forgiveness reigns in their home. I pray that there's any bitterness or unforgiveness Forgiveness toward from one to the other. Lord, that you just remind them of your grace that you've given them, and that they give it to one another. Lord, I don't know all the details of their circumstance, but I pray that you'd comfort Steven's heart. I pray you'd bring peace to him, grace to him, perseverance to him that he would never tire of doing good, that he would remain committed. And you would just just help him. Help him in every way. Help him know how much you delight in him as a precious child of God, and help him live out of that delight. And thank you for his transparency and openness and sharing. And I pray you bless that in Christ's name. Amen.
One last thing I want to say to Steven is that we're called to love our wives as Christ loved the church. And I want you to think about the patience that Christ has shown you and his pursuit of you, and pray that God would give you the grace to show your wife that same patience as well. It's worth it. Hang in there, brother. You stay on the line. We're going to get you a copy of the book. Everyone else, I want to encourage you to go to the website, order your copy and Pasters you want to stick with us, because when we come back, we're going to try to help your church as well. What's the difference between a performance based marriage and a grace marriage? Maryland will tell us next, right after this. Welcome back to Equipped with Chris Brooke. So grateful for you listening in today. Today we're talking about how to have a grace marriage, how the gospel and intentionality transform your relationship. So grateful to be joined by Brad and Marilyn Rhodes. They founded the Ministry of Grace marriage back in 2015 to help churches and couples prioritize marriage. If you want to find out more, go to our website. Equip radio.org that's equip radio.org. Uh, before we turn the page to the next topic, Brad, just again reflecting on Steven's call. Both of our hearts were really touched by this man of faith who really wants his marriage to work out. Anything else you want to say to Steven?
When I again, I want to be careful because I don't know all of Steven's circumstances. There could be a lot of facts that I don't know. So I say that with that caveat. But I would say when I when I shift my focus, just everything I can do to lay down my life for Maryland and Christ laid his life down for me and just make my focus proactive love, proactive pursuit and making. Trying to make Maryland feel like the most adored, most cherished person in the world. We have five kids, and there's times that I kind of would feel invisible, feel this, feel that, and and when my focus would shift toward how I felt or how what I would like more of that I'm not getting, it would leave me toward despair and frustration. And then I would speak in ways that kind of would get our marriage sideways? So yeah, I would just say any way you can just to continue to just make your wife feel like the most cherished. There's no more graceful place. There's no more safe place. Nobody pursues me. Nobody loves me like my husband does. When my focus is on loving, I do pretty well. When my focus is on being loved, I don't do as well.
Yeah.
I mean, one of the hardest verses of Scripture, first Corinthians 13 four through eight. And some would will know that that is the the love passage, if you will. Paul gives his great poetic language on what love is and what love does and doesn't do. And he says, in the midst of that is love keeps no record of wrong. And man, have I found that to be hard. It is really hard to keep no record of wrong, and to continually just love your spouse without developing resentment or frustration or anger. And I think by human nature, we kind of keep a scorecard in our own minds. And so we got to take that to the Lord. We got to continue to take that to the Lord, to say, Lord, help me not to keep some scorecard in my mind that causes me to develop bitterness or resentment. Because, man, once that root of bitterness gets settled in our hearts, it sets us on a course that can destroy what God is trying to bless. And so again, Steve, and I hope that that's an encouragement to you. Please hear what Brad said, what I'm saying through the ears of love. And just know that we want to see your marriage blessed. And please read the book. And and once you do, maybe invite your wife to read along with you. Marilyn, what's the difference between a performance marriage and a grace marriage?
Well, a performance based marriage is if you treat me well, then I'll treat you well. And we're in a performance based world where we give and receive benefits based on how we perform and we just naturally bring this to marriage, where Scripture calls us to the opposite when it actually defines in marriage. So in a performance based marriage, I'm holding Brad's sin against him. He's holding my sin against me. For example, if he comes in, I'm sensitive by nature and he's got a funny, witty, sarcastic, strong personality. And if I get my feelings hurt, I'm going to distance myself from him. I'm going to get cold. I might even withhold myself from him physically. And then this distance continues to grow. So when when we're in a performance based marriage, it's easy to go south quickly. Yeah, but in a great marriage, this is where sin isn't held against each other. Brad comes in and he's a little bit short. And when I say grace base, we don't mean I want to define if there's abuse. Yeah, infidelity. Those are not issues Shoes that can go unaddressed. It's in fact, it's showing grace to pursue and say, hey, we have to address these issues. So grace is not ignoring problems. That's not don't hear me say that. But in the day to day typical trials of life and in in life throws some hard curveballs at us. We've had health health crisis. I've had health crisis over the past year. We had a date last night. I really wasn't feeling well. I got my feelings hurt. We started to go out to dinner and my initial response was to distance myself. We were having about a work conversation and I was feeling not well physically and. And then before we went into dinner, we were just like, there's grace for this. And we walked in and we were able to have a sweet dinner, even though we didn't have a perfect communication conversation in the car before we walked into the restaurant. Yeah. And we were able to love each other well. So grace is to cover over an offense promotes love. It's a rescue mentality. Like, while we were sinners, Christ died for us. He laid his life down for us. So it's pursuing our spouse when we actually want to give a consequence or withdraw from our spouse to realize that, hey, we're like you said earlier. We're on the same team. Yes, we can feel like we're against each other, but we shouldn't. And that's the enemy. That's when he's getting in. Because when we don't feel like we're on the same team, when we're critical and we don't feel like we have the home field advantage, that's when we've let the enemy get a foothold. But the good news is, God is a God of reconciliation, and things can go from bad to good really quickly. When we understand the difference between the performance based and the gray space. Because in gray space it's saying, I'm going to move towards you, I'm going to love you despite and.
That pursued my.
Feelings?
Yes. That pursuit. You know, I just want to connect what you just said to what? Something Brad said earlier. If that Barna study is right, Brad, in 72% of churches don't really have formal ministry going on to marriages. And that means that most people are hearing what Marilyn just described, maybe for the first time. There's a ton of Christians who love Jesus. And maybe you're hearing this for the first time. The other thing that I've come to realize, guys, about discipleship, and this is a recent kind of insight for me, over the past year, the Lord has really reminded me that discipleship is as much about unlearning as it is about learning. You know, so often I walk into a relationship with someone who's new to the faith or young in the faith, and, you know, I'm sharing with them the truths of the gospel as if it's a clean and blank slate. Um, and when we come to marriage, it's not a clean or a blank slate. We bring expectations. You know, I was raised in a particular family and home, and I saw a particular style of marriage. And man, I thought that was the way you go about doing it. And then my wife, she comes from a particular family and home. She saw a different style of family and home management and interaction. She thought that was the best way. And then we get married and we realize now we both need to align with Scripture. So don't feel guilty if these are if this is the first time you're hearing some of these truths. But I will tell you this, that the most important question whenever we encounter the truth of God is, how now shall I live in light of what I've just learned? Let's go to the the phone lines. Florida. Donna is listening there. Hey, Donna, how can we pray for you today?
Hi. I'm just calling because, um, this really broke. Spoke to my heart. I want I am actually in the opposition position. I feel like our lives have been my husband and I. Our lives have been so busy that it's almost like we're growing apart.
And.
We're their kids. Whether, um, events, it's just the busyness of life sometimes going in and coming, coming out. And it's like the connection I sometimes feel is dwindling away. Um, we do have a church home, but yes, that was a class for marriage. Would be would be. Yeah, it would be. It would be an honestly a class but a ministry and how to not even deal with like when you're up, are you going to be there support? Are you going to be there for them even when they're down? Some of it is also just like being friendly with one another. Sometimes it's just life. Life happens to the point where you get upset, like. And then it's like, no, I'm supposed to love this person.
Well, Donna, let me let me ask this question. How long have you been married, Donna?
15 years.
15 years. All right. I want to offer to you what we offer to Steven. And that is one of the ways we want to bless you today, is just to give you a complimentary copy of the grace marriage from Brad and Marilyn. Marilyn, what would you say to Donna?
The first thing I would say is go to the Lord. That is where we get the fuel to offer grace to our spouse. Um, it's the most important thing that we do is spend time with the Lord and pray. Lord, show me how to love my husband. Show me how to creatively love and show me how to pursue him in a way that is honoring to you. And the second thing that is the outside of our relationship with Christ. The best thing Brad and I do for our marriage is carve out time together. Like you, we've got five kids. Life is busy. The number one best thing we do outside of our relationship with the Lord is go on a date every single week. That's the intentional piece. We're in a child centered world. We're in a world where work and our phones, social media, we're 24 over seven on call by our phones to our family, our extended family, our friends and our marriages are what gets squeezed out. And so if you will carve out the time to invest in your marriage, it will it will reap huge dividends. Us having a date last night, it's the middle of December. It's so busy. We've had something nine nights in a row, but we still went on a date because we know it's important. Because otherwise you do become two ships passing in the night, and then frustrations rise. And the person that you love the most is the person you feel safest with. So they see the not sweetest part of you. Yeah. And and we want to. And it changes things when you spend time together. It does show. Hey, we're on the same team. And then when you become each other's cheerleader, the Lord will show you how to do that. It just. It will multiply. You'll find, like, as I was saying in the performance based marriage, a problem begets another problem. And then there's this great chasm. But when you make a move towards each other, it fuels continued movement towards each other.
Yeah.
You know, I just want to say to, to Donna, we want to pray for you, but it all starts with what Marilyn said first, and that is you got to go to the Lord, got to take it to the Lord and recognize you are my source and believe that genuinely like Lord, I cannot live the Christian life apart from you. I can't be the woman I'm supposed to be. The wife. I'm supposed to be the mom. I'm supposed to be without you. Apart from him, we can do nothing. That's what the Scripture says. So every believer, we depend on Christ not only for salvation, but the grace we need to live the Christian life. Let's pray together. Father, thank you for Donna. Thank you for her heart for you, her love for you and for her marriage. Lord, help her to see that her marriage is a gift that you have given to her. But Lord, we acknowledge that a marriage is impossible to navigate well without you leading, guiding, and directing. So Lord, I pray that your presence would be felt in this season where we celebrate Emmanuel, God with us. I pray that Marilyn and her husband, that, um, Donna and her husband would sense and be able to say, Emmanuel, God is with us, Lord, let it be so today. Grant them your peace, your goodness, and your grace. In Jesus name, Amen and amen. All right, Donnie, you stay on the line and we'll get you a copy of the Grace marriage for all our other friends who are listening to me right now. Why don't you go to our website, equip radio.org and get your copy as well? I want to say thanks to friends who are responding to the invitation to partner with us through your financial generosity. So thanks to Marty and to Cathy from Chicago. Maybe today you say Quip's been a blessing to me this year. We've been an encouragement to you. Can you stand with us? But you're a most generous year in tax deductible gift. If so, dial this number 888644 4144. Go to equip radio.org. Our busy lives often leave little room for meaningful connections. But what if a simple meal could change that in a meal with Jesus? Tim Chester offers a compelling look at how Jesus used table fellowship to extend grace and further his mission. If you're ready to turn your meal times into opportunities for deeper relationship and spiritual growth, request your copy of this impactful book today. Call 888644 4144 or give online at Equip radio.org. Welcome back to equipped with Chris Brooks. What an amazing gift this book is. The Grace marriage how the gospel and intentionality transform your marriage. Um, I want to take one more call, and then we're going to land this plane in the heart of the gospel. I absolutely promise you that. Again, the phone number 888644 4144. Let's go to Michigan. Andre is listening there. Hey, Andre. Thank you for listening. How can we pray for you today, brother? Oh, is it Is this Andrea? No. I'm sorry. Andre. All right, go right ahead. Yeah.
Yeah. Hi. Thanks for taking my call. I guess, um, I was just.
Uh oh. Did we lose Andre? Yeah. Go right ahead. You you broke up just a little bit, brother. Start over again. Sorry.
Yeah, I was just saying that I'm in the middle of a divorce process, and, um, it's sort of been delayed a few times, and, um, I guess listening to you guys talk about God sort of desiring, uh, I guess it makes sense to me that God wants us rather to sort of be healed, um, and display the gospel in our marriages. Um, but for me personally, I'm in a place where I would rather sort of be done. Um, I don't really have a choice either way, but I would rather be done. And so, you know, even before I called, it was sort of a back and forth with I even call about that because, you know, but, um, so I don't know, I guess, where I am.
Let me ask you this question. Where would you describe your relationship with Christ at right now? Andre?
Um, I mean, I believe Jesus Christ died for my sins and rose again. Uh, so, you know, that's where that is.
All right. So Christ is the is the Lord of your life, which you describe him as your Lord and Savior?
Yes.
All right. So where where it all starts is where it all starts with a desire and a heart and a recognition that if Christ is Lord of my life, then I need to do what pleases him more than just what I want to do emotionally. Right. So we all are going to have emotions at any given moment. And emotions make good servants, but very poor masters. So you got to be careful not to let your emotion be your master. But it all starts there with recognizing if Jesus is Lord. What does that mean? Am I really giving him charge and authority over my life? and if so, then that means I need to follow his teachings in every area of my life. So his teachings on money and finance, career, parenting, friendships, and marriage is included in that. And here's the good news is that what Brad and Marilyn have put in their book is what Christ teaches us about marriage, with the Bible, with the scriptures, which is God's Word have to say about marriage. So the starting point for your journey to healing, and this will be a game changer starting point for your journey to healing is when you begin to take seriously and begin to apply and really seek with all your heart to know what Jesus taught about marriage and to and to live it out. And so what I want to do is get you a copy of their book and you begin to read it. And this is the equivalent of getting a play book into the hand of the quarterback for a football team, you can get out there and just run around. Try to live off of pure talent if you want, but you're not going to have a winning team unless everybody's on the same playbook. The Scripture becomes the playbook for your life, your family, your marriage. And when everybody's on that same team, man, you guys begin to rack up wins. And so you stay on the line. Andre, you hang in there and trust God. Things will turn around. Father, thank you for Andre. Thank you for his precious wife. Lord, give my brother hope. It only comes from you. Help him to fix his eyes on you. To trust you. In Jesus name, Amen. You say on the line, we're going to get you a copy of the book. Brad, what do you want pastors to know? We got about a minute before we end this program. What do you want to say to pastors in this moment?
I would say pastors, husband, wife, Christ in the church. Genesis, revelation, Ephesians is marriage is theologically rich and a church is only as healthy as the marriages that are in it, and nothing will benefit your church more than a healthy, ongoing marriage ministry. It is the ministry that makes everything else better. Good marriages create children, youth finances. Everything functions better when marriage. So if you're a church that does not have an ongoing marriage ministry, call us at contact us at Grace Marriage Comm. The visions that every Bible believing church has an ongoing marriage ministry. And what? One pastor had a light bulb go off and he said, Brad, if our marriages don't work, nothing we do as a church works. So. So I just want to encourage you. No condemnation in Christ. This is an opportunity. It's an opportunity to reach more people. It's an opportunity to serve better. An opportunity to disciple better. And we'd love to help you.
We live in a performance based world, but what Brad and Marilyn want you to know is that happy and hope filled marriages thrive on grace. Get your copy of the Grace marriage by going to our website. Equip radio.org that's equip radio.org. Brandon, Maryland. Your gift to the body of Christ. Thank you for joining me today on equip.
Thank you for having us.
Thank you. Friends, I.
Want to encourage you go to our website. Find out more. Get your copy of the book. And until we're together again next time. As always, remember equip with Chris Brooks is a production of Moody Radio, a ministry of Moody Bible Institute. Hey there folks, Chris Brooks here. I want to invite you to join me for the next exciting edition of equip. We're getting you geared up for Christmas, and we're going to take up the question, Who is Jesus? There's a lot of false Jesus's out here, a lot of counterfeit movements. But who is the real Jesus of history and more importantly, of the Bible and Scripture? Doctor Winfred Neeley will be my guest on the next edition of equipped. Listen live weekdays at 1:00 eastern Noon Central on the Moody Radio app, or equip radio.org.