Kelly Ripa & Mark Consuelos

Published Apr 19, 2021, 9:00 AM

Thanks to TV, Kelly is usually in our living room, not the other way around. During this hilarious and intimate visit at the gorgeous apartment she and Mark share with their three kids, we found out who’s the old-fashioned one, who’s the jealous type and who threw a wedding ring out the window.

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Pushkin. Hi, I'm Phil Donahue and I'm Marlow Thomas, and we're going on a series of double dates to find out what makes a marriage last. It was a beautiful summer afternoon the day we took a short walk to the home of Kelly Rippa and Mark Hansuelos on Manhattan's East Side. Having arrived at their four story brownstone, we got to experience firsthand what countless audiences have seen on the small screen, this couple's funny, playful, and truly affectionate connection to each other. They showed us into a very proper living room, where we sat across from each other at a table filled with goodies. They look so young, it's hard to believe they're old enough to have been together twenty five years. I've read some bits and pieces about them through the years, so I was looking forward to filling in their story. We met when we were really young, twenty four And what about you? Did you have a place there? Yeah? I was living on my own by that point, I had you know, I hadn't had roommates in a couple of years. I was living in my own apartment and you were kind of you had a steady job, yeah. I was on a soap opera. I was on All My Children. That's where I met Mark. I a screen test at him. Oh yeah, you were in the screen test. Yeah. Yeah. I met him the day before the screen test, but I had seen his picture before. The castle director she said, I think I found our guy. She said, he's green, he's never done anything, and he's in Tampa, Florida. And I was like, you're kidding. And she shows me this picture and I thought to myself, I am dad, I'm dazzled. I am dazzled by this person. And I don't get dazzled. A headshot is a headshot. I mean, how many headshots have we all seen. It wasn't a particularly good headshot either. I was dazzled, dazzling and so and so. They brought him in a day early because he had never done a screen test before. I had curlers in my hair. I hadn't been in makeup yet. I looked like a disaster. A pimple coming up on my cover covered it was. It was covered up with like medicine, you know. It was like a toothpaste or something on the pimple. And I walked into the room and there was the head shot. Well you will. You dazzled when you met her, of course, but I don't know. I was such. I was such such. You know, you go from living in Tampa getting off a plane and then you're screen testing for a job. It's going to change your life. I was, I was, you know, my head was spinning with I can't believe this is happening. Are you? Well? You and Tampa because your family lived in town. Yeah, they lived in Tampa. And I finished up my last two years of college in Tampa at South Florida. And your and your dad is Spanish, and your mom's Italian Mexican Italian Mexican Italian, And what do you I'm Italian both of my parents. You're kidding, No, my mom is her. My mom's dad was Irish. So I think that's where I get my ear brom. I think that's a great Yeah, it's a good comma, I really think so. Yeah. He always says that Italians and I respect the best. Yeah, And I don't know why I say that. I can't prove it, no, but I agree with you because I think my parents have I mean, speaking about marriages, our between our parents, our parents have been married over one hundred and ten years, one hundred and twenty years, like our parents have been. So you saw really good marriages. Yeah. Do you think that's helped figure it out? Yeah? Yes, you try to act with what your father acted. I can't help it. I can't help it, but I'm sure I do. That's a great combination. Nobody dominates. Nobody dominates. I think in certain areas they would. And what about with you two? It is one if you do the finances, the one of you do something else Mark does. Mark is really the financial planner, and Mark is responsible for every good financial thing that's ever happened to us. I don't I can't think of anything bad that you've done, really, I mean financially. Finally, he's really got like that is a thing that I said to him. Remember when we first met. I said to him, I've never met an actor that's good at math. And he said, I'm a terrible actor. I'm not that's really good at math. Yeah. So I do kind of take that part of the role here, and she makes the home a home, Like every holiday, we would have nothing if it was up to me. It's funny because I think of us as so progressive, as a couple, I always think of us like sort of politically progressive, if we're more progressive people, and yet when it comes to our own family and our marriages and our roles, I think of us very traditional and almost old fashioned in our roles because because why because he's sort of you know, I He's made it so that I've never had to like leave home to work, like I've been able to raise my kids here in this city, in the nest and maintain. And he's always been willing to travel and go to a set and go off here, and sometimes he's had to go live in another country to work on a set over there, and he's never like some would say, you made this sacrifice. No, but I mean, you know, traveling is hard, and like being away from home is hard, and all of that is like sometimes he would miss milestones for the kids, and I know that was hard for him, and he made it so that I could I didn't have to worry. Did make it because we were agonizing who are we? What are we going to be? And this the talk show opportunity came up and he's like, you know, I think I think you should do it. It seemed so out of my depth, and not in my wheelhouse, and not what I was used to. And he said, you know, I think it will allow you to do the things that you've always wanted to do, which was really I wanted to raise my kids. I didn't want to have them and never get to see them. And the talk show afforded me this opportunity where I would work in the morning, early in the morning, and then I would have the rest of the day to take them to their activities or be there and watch the ballet recital and do all of those things. And so in that way, we're very traditional. You know. He made those sacrifices and then and then, but I think, you know, he wouldn't know how to find a ballet class. He wouldn't know how to go about signing the kids up for religion classes like he wouldn't know how to do it. I don't remember how people's birthdays. He remembers every single person's birthday in our family, and they are taking care of every single time without fail um. She reminds me to make calls, call your your dad's birthday, you have to call. I mean, she's you're you remind me of all that stuff. But tell Marlow unfilled the conversation you were having with me today, because going back to what you were saying about learning from your dad, I think I was maybe like um, around twenty years old, and I just moved back home and I had a horrible breakup, and I was, you know, and we talked a lot. We spent a lot of time together, you know, driving to soccer practice. He take me, you know, he spent We spent a lot of good time together. And I was saying, I this is it. I'm never going to get in a relationship again. I'm never I don't want to get married, I don't want to have kids. I'm just gonna be by myself, you know. And so he said to me, so listen, he was, I know you're gonna be successful, and not being able to share that with someone is very sad. You're gonna want to share it with someone, you know. There's nothing more sad than an older guide by himself, right, And I and I and I didn't believe him. I go, yeah, yeah, all right, well I'll be by myself. And I walked away and I didn't believe it. And then I believed it. All my girlfriends got married. It was a bride maid a million times, and I thought, quod, great, I'm going to be an actress. I'm free. I'm going to London live for a year and do a play. I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that. You know. It just wasn't for me. And then I met mister blue Eyes here and it was like like like, I can't picture the two of you without each other. Like to me, it's like, you know, it's like the best. Yeah, you really are peanut butter and Jelly. I remember I was having a very funny conversation because Kelly was very independent and lived in the city for about five or six years before I got there, and she was, you know, on her own and she did her thing. And then when I came in. You know, I I am a traditional guy like I you know, I feel like there are certain roles. It's hard to explain exactly what those roles are. But we had a conversation where I said, hey, listen, there's really only a room for one man in this relationship. It's going to be and it's gonna be me. I think we were arguing over where we were going on vacation. It was something really it was a luxurious problem to have. And I said to him, I am a woman of this generation, and I've been on my own for a long time. Like I've I've not answered, I've not answered to my parents, right, So I'm a I'm a grown woman, and so you're gonna have to forgive me if it takes me a minute to keep up with the clock that you're rolling back before my you know, my, I knew what it was about, but we laugh about it now. It was kind of funny. It was a great conversation. What I will say, though, is I've watched Mark with our daughter and the way you raise her to never take to never take a backseat position to any person that she dates, any man that she did. It's like, it's very it's funny. The evolution of you is kind of fascinating. When we first got married, I think Mark felt like he rushed into it and maybe he made a mistake and maybe he was regretting it. And he took my wedding ring and threw it out the window. Who and and and then he turned around and I said, I'm still here, because I really think he thought in that moment that somehow I would just go and like vanish or evaporate. And I was like, now what and you know, and I think it was like that moment of oh my gosh, she is still here and I just did that horrible thing and she's still here and she doesn't really seem that rattled, right if I'm getting into your head in the moment that it was a big bold move. And I think he was like, yeah, but that's great, but that but that's people who are getting married or twenty five years old. That's right. Yeah, you know, you don't do that when you're fifty two exact, And oh you don't. And I think hope that we don't. But that was the thing. It was like I looked at him and I said, you know, um, I get it, Like I get it, I'm young and married. I'm scared too, Like I get it, this is forever. I'm I'm with you. Now we have to go find that ring. I mean, but that was like that to me, is like that's a defining moment. I'm sure, and I'm sure there are a lot of people that would have said I'm done. I'm done. That is outrageous. That is crazy behavior. Um, and I understood where it was coming from. It was like coming from a place of terror and genuine fear and oh my god, I have to spend the rest of my life with this woman who does not value time, who is chronically late. Let me ask you this, what's the biggest challenge you think you've ever faced as a couple, Because what's important about that is how do you come back from it? You know? How do we get through trying moments? Yeah, or something? It's interesting, Um, I think that one of us remains extremely calm. Is it always the same one? Nope, Nope, It depends on the situation, depends on it. If it's happening to us together, our fa we have got a moment like, oh my god, one of us stays calm, the other one freaks out. Um, and we get through it. I'm talking like family cancer when his mom when his mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, and it was like a scary time for us and it was you and then my and my mom got cancer and my dad had heart surgery and our parents were falling like dominoes and thank god they're all fine. Now what did you do with this? Is so great because this is what everybody goes right. PA's older than us right of course deal with it. So how did you help each other? How did you you know, like did you get the news on the phone and then what did the other one? Do you know? So do you want to hear something really funny? My mom. We were with my mom when she was diagnosed, and Mark and my mom came home from the doctor. It was at ten thirty in the morning. I had just had my son, Michael, who is now twenty two years old. Um, I think I was still on maternity leave, which is why I was home and you guys, and it was I think ten ten thirty am, ten am. They opened a bottle of scotch. We had never like, we kept a bottle of scotch, just sort of like in case anybody ever asked for a Scotch, which we had never nobody ever said your Scott, you know, we didn't. It was in case anybody successful ever came over, we would offer them scott. And they opened a bottle of scotch. And they both drank like a like a glass a tumbler of scotch. And I'd never see my mom drank. And I was and I was and I was sobbing, and I was sobbing. And I was sobbing, and and and I called, and I called my sister, and my sister said, I can't talk Dad. Um is uh. Dad collapsed and I'm on my way to the hospital. He needs a bypass surgery. Yeah. And then the same day, same day, It's the same exact day, and I said to Mark, Oh, my god, we are cursed. We have to get a priest here. I mean, we have to bless we have to live, We need holy water, we have to burn candles. Like I just couldn't believe it. I was on the scene. And then when my mom was fighting cancer, Kelly, she took her, She took her into our home and she lived with us for seven to eight months. Yeah. Well, yeah, a lot. It was a you know, it was a lot ye problem. And she would go to the chemo with her and the radiation with her and bathed her. I owe it to my parents and to his mom. I owe it to them to take care of them the way they've taken care of us. I don't want to screw it up. I don't want to give them sub substandard care because they raised us, so they raised us in a way that is like we are my parents and raise you. But and you did and does it and she does it I mean dad, Yeah, and my dad comes to New York for his heart doctor and she goes with him and sits there and takes notes for him and accompanies him. I mean, it's swore. Are you when she's doing that. I'm in Vancouver working, Oh, typically right, I'm not here. But she does it. She's like, I'm going, that's great, But that bespeaks a wonderful testament to your folks. My mom gave me the best advice. She said, be good to your mother in law. She said, you treat your mother in law the way you would treat me, but nicer. We'll have more. After a quick break, we're back to our conversation with Kelly Rippa and Mark Unsuelos. They seem so perfectly aligned. Marlow naturally wanted to know how do they fight? How you fight is something to learn. I mean, we had to learn how to fight. I am an immediate thing. I'm a firecracker that goes off right now. Yeah. He would simmer for a while and then explode, so we didn't. It was a while for us to be able to align our temperaments. To you have to feel safe, right, Yeah, you have to. You have to feel safe in the fight. That know that, you know, I realize that I am Phil and Marlowe. I'm like, I simmer and then I explode. I do. I Sometimes I liken it to a Kama Kazi mission. Every now and then you gotta yeah, like you know what, I'm gonna We're gonna fight. Yeah, and I'm going to let's get let's go, let's let's really have a blowout. And I know I'm gonna lose what And because she's always right, oh yeah, where do you stay married? That's great? And I know I'm gonna have to apologize. Yeah, because you will tend to rise above it. Yeah. You know. It's like when when I go low, he'll go high. Um. Yeah, and then I will somehow try to get it a shovel and I'll try to dig myself. I'll try to dig lower and he's like, so he still stays he really do you really have like maintained? Oh good, you know that. I've always know I admire it about you. It's like not every now and then I'm gonna You're gonna blow Yeah. Sometimes I'll be amazed at like what he's willing to like die on what cross he's will be right? And I go that, really, I mean like, I'll fall asleep in the middle of some Netflix series and I know it's not about Netflix, but the argument has been I guess it's more of a fill thing. It must have been simmering in there for quite some time, you know, And he'll say, well, I've been waiting to watch this with you. I've been in Canada and I promised you I wouldn't watch it, and I've been waiting to watch it now you're asleep. But I know it's really not about that. It's probably about seven arguments ago, where I got where I got my way or whatever. You know, I've we've had that argument as well. And or I've not done something as they wanted to do it with Phil and he'll fall asleep, or he'll not want to go and as you promised, or whatever, And it actually hurts my feelings because I had built it up in my mind. But this is something we're going to share together. And then it's then I feel like, well, I lost this thing. I thought I was gonna Hey, I was like having a live stream Sunday. I didn't get you know, right, isn't that kind of what It's a It's a disappointment, that's what I feel. What do they say? Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, you know. Sometimes it just is. It's as simple as that he wanted to share it with you. He's been waiting to share it with you, and you're bombed out, so the thing is not quite as much fun as it was. That kind of Yeah, were you always comfortable sharing feelings with each other? That's one of you have to teach the other how to do that. Interesting. I was just no matter what he told me, I used to have a conversation with myself, no matter what he's about to say, don't have any expression on your face, because if you have an expression, he might clam up and he might feel ashamed of whatever he's told you or judged in some way. So I would be very mindful to not have any expression at all, no matter what he said. The expression I was always, you know, it was. It was before I used to get BOTI, before I got botox, you know, it was like before I don't even know if botox existed at the time, but I mastered the art of having no expression that was a great accommodation. Yeah, that's what I call an accommodation. It's a good yeah, because you don't want the person to think that there are being judged. You want your spouse to feel safe and know that in you they have a confidant, somebody that they can trust, somebody that's like going to walk through the fire with them, whatever it is. And ps. Anytime he had told me something, what I had built up in my mind, like anytime he would say I have to tell you something, I want you to get upset, what my brain went to was so dark and crazy. I would say, he's about to tell me that he's disposed of a body. Once but it was always like something so benign. What do you think is the difference between your marriage and other friends marriages? Well, we have a lot like we have. I have to say my friend group, I have a lot of happily married friends. And I think that that is a great thing because I think if you don't um, I think that that can we can really spread like the unhappiness. And I agree. And there are people like there were people in our lives, like early on in our friendship circles that would make us unhappy and we would never figure out like quite why we would become unhappy around these people, and we realized they were in an unhappy marriage, and it was like the stress of feeling their unhappiness would somehow tap into our souls almost because would get into an argument as soon as we would leave their home or leave the dinner table at the restaurant. And it's not like us to sort of like have a perfectly lovely evening and then fight out the way home. And we realized we were like we were wearing their energy when things aren't going well, which that happens the time. How do you reset, well, You think about what you did wrong, and then when you talk about it and you apologize for it. You apologize even if you feel like you've done nothing wrong. I think you owe it to yourself and to your spouse to put yourself in the other person's position and see it from their perspective. Like if we're at a dinner party, homemak a comment and maybe it's something that embarrassed me, but from his point of view, it was just funny and it got a laugh or whatever, And from my point of view, I'm embarrassed it hurt my feelings, right, And I think that that's something that Mark is really good about. Instead of like getting defensive, he'll say, you know, I didn't think that that would hurt your feelings. I'm so sorry. I did not mean to embarrass you, or I see what you mean, Like that's I think that's like something that's a very kind simple gesture. That's one of the examples of I finally am getting marriage. I think that's a good example of because I didn't used to do that, I'd get really defensive, right, I'd get really defensive about it. I got you know, I say everything wrong, like you know, or if I did apologize, I'd be like, I'm sorry if you're upset that I said that. Yeah, like an idiot, I would think that was smart, a smart thing to say somebody else. One of our other couples said that anybody who says I'm sorry if that upset you was just full of shit. Right. They don't mean it all they're all they're doing is saying, you know, you are painting the ass you're feeling sorry upset. But a real i'm sorry is I'm sorry. I said that I'm sorry if it upset, right, And anytime you're coming from a place of I'm so selfless, i am sacrificing so much. Yeah, that is narcissistic thinking. Yeah, you really have to think. And sometimes I'll like I'll come up turn on and go, Okay, I'm totally looking for some um, some attention, and I'm being completely selfish right now, but I need I need some attention. I'll I'll, I'll call myself out and say, I know this is going to sound crazy, but I just need you to like humor me for a minute. And she does. If you can tell your spouse what you need in the moment, it is the most helpful thing because, by the way, married people or people looking to get married, nobody's a psychic marriage is like a roller coaster ride, right, it really is. And there's these high highs and you're like, oh, this is great, that's tickling in my stomach, feels amazing, and then you and then you like sync down to the depths and you go through things and you're scared. We've often said like, if we had gotten divorced, like so many times over things that at the time seemed like a huge deal, we would have missed out on so much life and incredible moments and fun and some of the reasons that we are enjoying like our adult lives now is like when all of our friends were going out and like out on the town and taking impromptu trips to tropical islands. We had small babies and toddlers, and we were tired and exhausted, and we would be sometimes short with each other, not really kind to each other, and we were not like taking the time for each other, and that could have easily frayed our marriage, and we could have easily turned on each other. But instead it's sort of we were just fortunate enough and we listened to each other just enough. I used to leave the lid off the toothpaste, which drove him crazy, and I realized I was starting to do it deliberately to drive him crazy. And then one day I said, Okay, are we going to have a nice marriage? Are we going to be dramatic all the time? Put the fucking lid on. Put the lid on the toothpaste, you said yourself, yes, put it on, Kelly, it's not rocket science. Put the just twisted on. You're you're leaving it off. Deliver I was. I remember the moment I had that conversation in my own head where I said, go back and put that on, because it's going to it's going to dictate what kind of a day you have. You're going to either have a good day or a bad day by that gesture. When I think about some of the things that we've argued about in our life and where we've like, that's it, We're getting divorced. And and he's always like he last, he laughs at me whenever I said that, He's like, oh, okay, we're getting Okay, I'll see you at the divorce court. So what you're saying is when you go off like that, or when you did go yeah like that, he was the one that would sort of say, oh, come on, yeah, come down, you're the colm down, you're the peacemaker. Yeah yeah, I think So it's those things that I find, like when we've settled into our like our happy place where we are now so many years later, decades later, right, I find that the fact that I autonomously clean up after myself, I am on time for him. I do it for him, but I've also done it for myself now, right, And he does things that I know didn't always come naturally to him. But he does it now, like you figured out that I love guardenias and they always come. There's never any reason, they just they show up once a week. He sends them to me just to let me know that he's thinking of me. And I remember the first time you sent them to me. I was I just thought that I had I thought he was about to tell me he had a secret other family because I thought, oh, well, I said, these guardenias are so extraordinary. He's going to tell me he's had a child out of wedlocked during our marriage. That's the one thing we didn't touch on, and it is jealousy. I mean, you're both so frigging good looking. I don't have a jealous bone in my body, which is which is good. But he can be jealous, which is it's I'm always so sort of um, I'm shocked. I'm sort of shocked by it because I'm somebody that I would not consider that somebody would get jealous about. You know. I'm like, jealousy is not really so much about what the other person does. Yeah, I get your own thing and it feels horrible. Are you both jealous? Well? I am, yeah. Yeah. She did a movie with Chris Gristrafferson. Oh wow, oh wow. So in the middle of the night, I believe this. So I'm sound asleep and I hear this banging on the door. I'm thinking about, Oh no, Christ, I'm gonna be up like in an hour, you know, like four thirty or something whatever it was. And I get opened the door and there's Phil. And the minute I saw him, I thought, he thinks, Chris Christofferson's here, that's that he would talk. I opened the door, I said, come in. I was so mad at him because I have I had like another full hour right now. You know, I can't go to see first all. I'm aggravated that he would think that I aggravated. And I'm excited and here and you're here, and and he walks in, he goes, I just you know, I just missed you. Wait so wait Phil, Okay, so let's get into it quickly. What if, oh god, what if you come to the door and Chris Christofferson is there? What happens? Is there a fistfight? What happens? I would probably walk out? Yeah, I think you would run. I think I would have never seen you again. Yeah wow, yeah, you see, with Mark, there would be crimes scene tape. There would be like police barricades and there'd be a whole right, yeah, yeah, because you you did that a few times here I would show up, he would show up, and and I remember one time I looked at him and I said, aren't you tired of catching me here actually doing what I'm saying I'm doing. I was doing a show in Boston, and there's no we were We didn't have cell phones at the time, right, And I couldn't get ahold of her all day, and I got a really bad feeling, and so yeah, it's horrible. And so unfortunately there are flights to New York from Boston every hour, and I got her finally on the you know how they used to have this on the on the plane, and so she said, you sound funny. I'm like, nah, you sound fine. I guess it's just the phone. He said, what are you doing tonight? It was a Friday night. Were you married or not married? We're married. What are you doing tonight? I said, believe it or not, I'm cleaning the toilets. I was like, I was cleaning. So he for some reason thought that sounded very fishing. You didn't tell you on the plane. No, he wanted to catch me love this. It's like I came in very much like, hey, what's going on? So happy to see me? No, he tells the doorman. He goes tell the call up to the apartment and tell her that there's a flower delivery. And and I was like a flower delivery. And I'm so excited because I'm thinking, oh my gosh, he's sending me flowers. This is so nice. And I'm not kidding. I have like a Johnny mop in one hand. I'm wearing a bathrobe. I am. I am a disaster. I'm not how I want my husband to see me when he gets home from like his movie set. And I opened the door and it's him and he comes in. He doesn't even say hello to me. He's looking for something and I go, right, I go, what do you? And I'm still looking for the flower guy. I was like, there's a guy coming flowers. It's a horrible feeling. It's Oh, I'm less I wouldn't you say I'm less jealous these days? Oh my gosh. Yes, there's no such thing as this perfect marriage. It's the crazy stuff that you get through together that makes it all the worthwhile. That's Kelly RiPP and Marknzuelos. It's great how they still seem to surprise each other. Well, it'd be pretty boring if there were no surprises. That's why I married you. Until next time. I'm Phil Donna here and I'm Marlo Thomas. Anyway, I know you're leaving tomorrow. You must be having a romantic night tonight. So no, not having a romantic night. But we're done to one Kid, double day. There's a production of Pushkin Industries. The show was created by US and produced by Sarah Lily. Michael Bahari is associate producer. Musical adaptations of It Had to Be You by Cellwagon, Simfinette, Marlo and I are executive producers along with Me and Lobell and Letal Molad from Pushkin. Special thanks to Jacob Wiseburg, Malcolm Gladwell, Heather Faine, John Snars, Carly Migliori, Eric Sandler, Emily Rosdek, Jason Gambrel, Paul Williams, and Bruce Kluger. If you like our show, please remember to share, rate, and review. Thanks for listening.

Double Date with Marlo Thomas & Phil Donahue

Marlo Thomas and Phil Donahue fell in love on live television and wed over 40 years ago. Eavesdrop a 
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