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Your Weekly Extra Long Super Terrific Episode! [Volume 6]

Published Oct 14, 2024, 1:00 PM

Daily Dad Jokes (14 Oct 2024)

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Jokes sourced and curated from reddit.com/r/dadjokes.

Joke credits: Personal-Tea7226, raptir1, PM_ME_YOUR_METALZONE, iShitSkittles, houndoom92, Good_Pirate2491, ironchefmilo, ilikesidehugs, Masselein, DinglebarryHandpump, Personal-Tea7226, awcmonrly, TheQuietKid22, Straight_Total3945, Gwsb1, VordovKolnir, jack_capp, 89iroc, Blastwing, Jealous-Challenge752, Paullyj55, blueblue_electric, mohammad_ujjainwala, rui_l, , Hydrahta, Strict_Sorbet_6792, Boba_tea_thx, Reeder90, leatherwolf89, retrosaurus-movies, Masselein, Liquid_disc_of_shit, JenovasChild666, NZdad, duggee315, Yenefferknow, taurusasaurus_rex, hacksawjim89, Cultural_Card_2603, Milling_Machine, adamles, alanmitch34, wimpykidfan37, Man-e-questions, PersonWalker, AbrahamLingam, National-Ad8416, Masselein, Cultural_Card_2603, StockInitial4460, ddodd69, PrestigiousHair618, TnBluesman, ChefRagnarok, Cultural_Card_2603, Man-e-questions, Left-Distribution-13, Lower_Kitchen822, Cultural_Card_2603, DENelson83, Cultural_Card_2603, HolidayWarm5971, prlugo4162, The-Blind-Moth, E5evo, fireburner80, Mia-Patell, BiggerMouthBass, sweet_dream_12, justmrmom, The-Blind-Moth, Cultural_Card_2603, Upvoter_NeverDie, Future_Squirrel360, kickypie, Jay-Five, oppy1984, Man-e-questions, PoisonedCherry, SwabbySailor, GuinnessTheBestBoi, mashadoesstuff, Few-Victory-5773, Few-Victory-5773, Masselein, ShoeChoice5567, PersonWalker, SelfishMentor, drewdog173, winxalot, ilikesidehugs, PersonWalker, CosmonautCommando, BastoVavra, MrMockTurtle, DrHoleStuffer, CKO1967, ApprehensiveSpite589, StrafemOrigin, danhirsch518, WINNER_nr_1, Odd-Tune5049, ChaoShadow87, Opportunist_Ad3972, Liquid_disc_of_shit, khushinankani, Spicy6Chord, incredibleinkpen, dl0lol0lb, StockInitial4460, firedragonsrule, BiggerMouthBass, ryan_leblanc, Seahawks1991, ExtremePresence3030, Thee_Paladin777, genxfrom66, ftpmango, Adventurous_Judge493, CheeseOnToast92, Few-Victory-5773, dickcheney600, WINNER_nr_1, urbanek2525, , WINNER_nr_1, ilikesidehugs, drcopypasta, BedKey7226, jane66x, Boba_tea_thx, ottodidakt, glawv, sophia1185, Realistic-Twist-3112, ExtremePresence3030, dick_schidt, DisloyalTractor, Opportunist_Ad3972, TimoshQ, Upvoter_NeverDie, Toastedweasel0, arkos_haginen, Sensitive_Double8652, RajkaTheTomato, Lorcanjeffreys, berkleysquare, StockInitial4460, kishenoy, Smyler12, thewillz, bogmired, 192335, 192335, Mayjune811, Red_Dot_Byte, xboxgamer2122, T33NW01F, eltegs, ManyRazzmatazz4584, Tigeresco, Churro138, sulldanivan, mayk_maikeru, StNishigo, CMStan1313, genxfrom66, Breakwaterbot, Joel_Boyens, Competitive-Table816, Horror-Ad-3113, TheQuietKid22, Left-Distribution-13, sulldanivan, FinalArrow, Theydontcareforyou

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I phoned the doctors for an appointment today. The secretary said, would tend tomorrow be okay? I said, whoa, I don't need that many.

Did you know that new telet can never go stale because that it would be old tella?

Police crack down in Athens. Police in Athens have announced a joint effort with government to stop anyone with snakes for hair from committing a criminal acts in a group. They are hopeful their efforts will stop organized crime.

At school, I excelled at spelling bees, but other words I found more difficult.

When your wife asks what's on TV? Do not say the lot of dust?

My wife threw away my coffee machine. That's grounds for divorce.

What did the green grocer see when he ran out of vegetables to sell? Sorry, everyone, that's shalat.

I always get excited when my wife puts on one of my NASCAR shirts. It's the raciest thing she'll wear.

When my dad was on his death bed, he said to me, son, I'm leaving my company to you. Try not to do something stupid with it like you always do. Even in his final hour, he was really giving me the business.

The irs is replacing its entire asset reclamation team with dwarfs. They're calling it Little Caesar's.

Two vampires are set in a bar. The first vampire says, I've not had any blood in three days.

What's a surfer's favorite item of lingerie? Bra? Totally?

Do I enjoy making courthouse punds guilty?

How do trees get online? They log in?

Told my boss I needed to raise three other companies are after me, he said, find what companies? I said, gas Electric and cable.

I saw on the news that police were involved in a foot chase earlier. That must have been the world's slowest criminal. Even I would make it more than a foot.

I drove past the psychics office today that had a for sale sign in front of it. They really should have seen that coming.

What disease is communicated by playing? We sports the e boler virus?

After the rally, I heard Trump has been desperately searching for his favorite drink, Pinacolata.

A capitalist and a socialist walks into a bar and greets the bartender. Hi, I'm Bernie Sanders.

I've become addicted to tracking my sleep pet I can't seem to get enough.

What do you call an Indian diver enter deep.

Why don't skeletons fight because they don't have the guts?

Who won the neck decorating contest? It was a tie.

More groans coming upright after this swift interlude, the teacher asked me why my friend Fortune only rode in caps? What can I say? Fortune favors the bold?

What did Moses say when his flomax was confiscated? Let my peep, he'll go.

What do you call a man with a toe on his knee?

Tony Gattier was a chart topping artist in twenty twelve. Now he's just somebody that we used to know.

What can fly and build a tower? A crane?

What's got four legs in one arm? A happy rottweiler.

I hope you will check out my new video on werewolves. Don't forget to leak and subscribe.

Mensa claim they can work out how smart someone is by having them wait in line for free ice cream. They call it an IQ test.

Jesus didn't die from crucifixion through blood loss. It was those rusty nails that went through his limbs that had been used for previous crucifixion. Nasty cross contamination.

I don't like circles. They leave me flat. To be fair, I just think they lack depth. I admit I am being one sided, though.

Why don't owls meet if it's raining to wit? To woo?

A dentist and an otol rhinal air angologist start a band, gums and noses?

What did dilaware to the party a new jersey?

How's your new job in the sweat shop? So so.

Three nights departed tavern. The first night salutes the others and declares farewell, brothers, until we meet again.

Why does Snoop Dogg always carry around an umbrella with him wherever he goes? Faux drizzle?

What do you call an it teacher for miners who touches his students a PDF file?

One night, while camping, I found myself gazing deep into the stars, wondering if there was life out there. Then I realized someone stole my tent.

I just listened to this awesome song about Brooklyn. My favorite part was the bridge.

I went to Europe and one restaurant served me a plate of various organ meets. It was awful.

How many stormtroopers does it take to change a light bulb? None? They have no motor coordination skills and can't aim?

Why did the Inuit man walk away from an argument he was having Nunavut?

Why didn't in Frank finish your diary concentration problems?

My wife suggested that I start reading books on tape. I guess I could do that, but why does she want me to learn about the adhesive industry?

I truly believe my upgrade to first class was manifest destiny.

My inflatable house got a puncture am now living on a flat.

Lance isn't a very common name these days, but in medieval times I heard people were named Lance a lot.

I watched a Nature special on alligators and it said some can grow eighteen feet. All the ones I've seen only had four though, What.

Do you call a lamb at the dinner table? STU?

If you get a message from me about can meet, don't open it. It's spam LDS.

Horror movies have three readings, the three Degrees of Gory.

I accidentally drank a Molotov cocktail. This really lit a fire in my belly. To learn more about Russian improvised weapons?

What do the sixth sense and Titanic have in common?

ICEE?

Did people.

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with a Titanic? About halfway I asked my.

Air Force buddies why the BE fifty two hasn't been retired. They can't explain it.

Olympic swimmers should not be going into the river. If they did, they would be insane.

Why did the Allies salt the battlegrounds of Europe to stop the German nation?

I have a friend whose parents met when they got in a car accident with each other. I can't believe their relationship is still going. It really started off as a wreck.

I got mugged by a guy with a starter pistol, another case of race related violence.

My wife said I'm too old for tennis pints. I said, I'm only thirty. Love.

What's that Japanese car thief called Tommy Tukimoda?

Whole vault is my favorite Olympic sport. It's so uplifting.

On a scale of one to ten, How obsessed with Harry Potter are you about nine and three quarters?

What did the costume dresser say when she read Mel Gibson's name on the tag on a pair of tidy whities? It's Mels.

Why shouldn't you tell secrets in a cornfield. There are too many years all around.

I really enjoy hearing all of the national anthems played at the Olympics. I love country music.

My wife has told me to stop laughing at Disney punds. I told her, roll off at what I want.

Did you see the expose on America's canning industry? It was sorry.

I was annoyed when I found out there's a cola in my job contract. I clearly told my recruiter that I wanted a pepsi.

Ever since I got new glasses, I started to see the world through a new lens.

What baby computer called father? Baby computer called father data.

My wife asked me how long duants live? I said, I didn't know. I'm no antimal.

Just a military helicopter flew right over my house. It flew so low it chinnook the whole place.

Who is the highest ranking officer at your local U haul? Major hassle?

What do you call a blunt rotation at a funeral? Awaken bait?

What is the best way to watch a fishing tournament on a live stream?

Geologists are very humble. They never take their shift for granted.

Edith drew the most perfect circle iaf.

Why did the clown refuse to eat because he was fooled?

What band has achieved the enlightenment Nirvana?

After a day at the zoo, I asked my daughter how did the gorillas look? She stared at me awkwardly and replied with their eyes.

The Incomplete Study Organization did a research. They concluded that nine out of fifteen people. Why couldn't the bad sailors learn the alphabet? Because he always got lost at sea? Did you hear about the soup that everyone said tasted funny? It was a laughingstock.

What do former fret boys do when they start feeling insecure about wrinkles in their middle age? They get brotox?

What do you call an Eskimo reservation elucination?

All of my friends tell the truth, except for my proud gay friend. He's the outlier.

What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer a father in law?

How does the cardiovascular surgeon perform open heart surgery very carefully?

I went to see an Asian Coldplay cover band and they were all yellow.

Why are environmentalists such terrible comedians because all of their jokes are recycled garbage?

Why do carnivorous prospectors like falling stars so much because they are a meteor.

I think one of my neighbors might be a secret trigonometry fan. They haven't come right out and sit it, but all the signs are there.

If you're driving a Tesla and it gets stolen, is it now?

In Edison, I ordered a shipment of bananas, but only the container arrived. Well, that's just creet.

Disappointed. I bought a boomerang the other day, but it was defective. Worst of all, I missed the sign that said no returns.

Why do spiders love the Internet? They just love searching for bugs on the web.

I three D printed some dice out of blowing the dark filament, but when I turned the lights off to see them glow, no dice.

I told my wife that I have urges to leave baby goats and random people's yards. She told me not to be kidding around like that.

When I die, I want my ashes pressed into a record. That's my vinyl request.

Simba felt ashamed about having to brutally kill and eat all the lions who supported Scar. After the lion came, thankfully, he was able to swallow his pride.

Which wives for sure know where their husbands are. Widows.

People who can't distinguish between entomology and etymology bub me in ways I can't put into words.

What do you call a regal Chinese security guard? Sir Chain?

Why did the robots get frustrated at the Playboy Mansion because every time someone said Hugh, I'm annoyed it thought they were talking to it.

Today, a very good friend told me that I make people feel uncomfortable by invading their personal space. I felt really hurt and it absolutely ruined our bath.

Did you know the capital of Ireland is growing? It's Dublin.

A neutron walks into a bar, pulls up a stool, and orders a Manhattan. After a good twenty minutes chatting with the bartender, the neutron gets up and asks, what do I owe you for you? No charge?

My wife tells me video games have ruined my life. Luckily I just picked one up.

I broke my glasses the other day and haven't had the chance to get them replaced, so I've been drinking out of my hands.

How does Moses drink the coffee hebrews it? How does Jesus react after drinking moses coffee? G'z es hut.

Why can't dinosaurs clap their hands because they are extinct?

Why did the blonde woman write tgif on her shoes toes go in first?

How do you make an egg roll by pushing it?

What do a callous person and a constipated person have in common? Nether can give a crap?

Did you hear about the criminal on the run with insomnia? He's resisting arrest.

I'm really enjoying my job as a police officer. I don't really have much to do, no complaints.

Someone died in space yesterday. I found out by reading the Orbituary.

What do you call Loki when he makes a joke upon Why? God?

What seabird is best at? Searching for things? A googall?

Just a moment away from more dad jokes. Right after this brief pause, yesterday I went to a bookstore and bought the Invisible Book of Invisibility. I'm sure I put it on my desk, but I don't see anything when I look for it.

I was at home happily writing dad jokes on the walls, and my wife comes in and angrily asks, what the hell are you doing. I'm like, babe, read the room.

My son made an essay about cheese. The teacher greeted it.

My father in law invited me to go fishing with him. I refused to get involved in fishy business though.

Why did the belt break up with the pants? It couldn't handle the waste of time?

What's the favorite color of a dat who's answering the phone? Yellow?

Thousands of years ago, some stray dogs wandered into the Australian Outback looking for food. It didn't go so well. What do you call an illegally parked frog code? What's a mason's favorite kind of door? Any door, as long as it's a jar.

Why do cow milking stools only have three legs because the cow has the utter?

The cops started crying while he was writing me a ticket. I asked him why. He said, it's a moving violation.

What did the witches call in the plumber for double double toilet trouble?

Why was the strawberry said it found itself in a jam.

I used to work as a programmer for autocorrect. They fried me for no reason.

Sarah was really into military stuff, so when she entered the minefield, she was blown away by all the mines.

Where do you usually find a dead body in the corner of the room. What do you call a crazy mantinut? A pistachio? My phone is like an angry bull. I want to know why it's charging. I married way too young. That's her name.

She's Chinese.

Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged and now it's brewing up a storm.

From looking at me. I don't know if you can tell, but I've had some work done. I got a new bathroom.

Did you hear about the Greek man who couldn't help eating cheese? He got feta and feta every day?

What does garlic do when it gets hut? It takes its clothes off.

I'm going to file a lawsuit against a Star Wars character due to the fact I have to enter the numbers one to nine on a nine by nine grid. I'm going to sue Doku.

Did you hear about the outlaw who smelt like coconut? He had a bounty on his head.

Why are people from Saint Louis so grumpy all of the time. It's because they live in a state of Missouri.

I traded my wife's expensive shoes for some shrooms. I was hit over heels and was tripping all day.

Try the seafood diet. You see food, then you eat it.

Did you hear the rumor about butter Well, I'm not going to go spreading it.

What do you call the group of superheroes based out of New York who can't fly log Guardians of the Galaxy?

Do you know the opposite of Lady fingers? Mintos?

What's at the bottom of the marine latrine? Gohmer's pile?

What do you call someone who delivers Indian food a courier?

My wife got mad at me because I stood up for an old lady on the bus. I mean, I wasn't going to fight her sitting down.

My friend bought a broken vacuum cleaner. That sucks.

What did Genghis Khan used to keep track of his conquests a step counter?

What genre of music do Pescatarians listen to? Albacore?

What's the most common occupation of a spider web designer?

What kind of clothes do houses wear? A dress?

I know where you got your shoes on your feet?

I'm not sure. I'm just more down to earth than most people.

What do ev owners listen to? Ac DC or something current.

I had some oasis soup yesterday. You got to roll with it.

What do you call a faucet that dispenses warmth? Sink?

Why do people eat some fruits without skin? It's appealing to take the skin off.

What's the most questionable US? State? Wyoming?

Why I once got fired from a canned juice company? Apparently I couldn't concentrate.

I tell dad jokes sometimes, he laughs.

Enjoy a beer once in a while, it's good for what LSU.

How is the actor going to get a sword? He will smith it?

Do you want to hear my John Wayne Geese. It's a killer impression.

I'm Bob Jeffy and I'm Montgomery Jones. We're on a mission to spread the laughs and groans far and wide, So please do us a favor and share just one of these jokes with your family and friends today. Thanks. Looking for more dad joke humor to share, then subscribe to our new weekly email newsletter. It's our weekly roundup of the best dad jokes, memes and humor for you to enjoy. Spread the laughs and groans and sign up today. Check the sign up link in the show notes page or visit daily dadjokespodcast dot com. The Daily Dad Jokes podcast is produced by Classic Studios. See the show notes page for social media links and joke credits. This show was recorded in front of a canned studio audience