“I knew I wasn’t supposed to do it but I didn’t understand why, because it felt like it was helping and I wasn’t hurting anyone.”

That’s how modern-day theologian, author, and speaker Brenna Blain describes her addiction. Addictions, really. Because she didn't just develop one. Even after addressing her disordered relationship with alcohol, she went on to develop a similar pattern with cough medicine and stimulants. How? Because like so many of us, she fell into the trap of justifying what she knew wasn't right.

During all of that, Brenna wasn’t running from God. She loved Jesus, she was serving in ministry, she was doing the things Christians are supposed to do. And at the same time, she was building patterns and believing lies that didn’t line up with what she believed or who she was called to be.

In this episode, Brenna shares her full story with thoughtful and radical vulnerability. From childhood trauma and an ongoing battle with depression and mental health, to a real encounter with God that changed the direction of her life, to the ways addiction and dependency still took root. She also talks openly about her experience with same-sex attraction, how she surrenders that to God, and how that has shaped her reliance on Christ.

She also doesn't hold back about how evangelical culture too often encourages silence while struggling, leaving people to navigate their sin on their own, as well as how the Church can become a place where those struggles are brought into the light and met with both truth and grace.

This is a conversation about honesty, about sanctification, and about what it really looks like to follow Jesus when things aren’t clean or simple.

Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here.

We explore:

— The subtle ways addiction can form even in the life of a committed Christian
— How self-justification keeps people stuck longer than they realize
— Why addressing one addiction doesn’t mean the root issue is gone
— How Brenna’s struggle shifted from alcohol to other substances
— The role childhood trauma and mental health play in shaping patterns
— What it looked like for Brenna to encounter God personally
— How depression and ongoing mental health struggles intersect with faith
— Brenna’s experience with same-sex attraction and surrendering it to Christ
— Why evangelical culture often leaves people to struggle in silence
— What it looks like for the Church to hold both truth and grace
— The difference between behavior change and real transformation
— How sanctification actually plays out in everyday life

Get Brenna's book: Can I Say That? How Unsafe Questions Lead Us to the Real God
Follow Brenna: @bunonmyhead
Invite Brenna to speak here
Get addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org
Follow me: @jonseidl
Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic
Get the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0