What happens when a bestselling Christian author becomes an alcoholic—not the other way around?

Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic is a raw, redemptive podcast hosted by Jon Seidl, based on his powerful book of the same name. This isn’t just about addiction—it’s about the messy middle of faith, trauma, and healing.

In each episode, Jon gets radically vulnerable as he shares his own journey through alcoholism, recovery, and ultimately, redemption in Christ. You’ll hear real, unfiltered stories from fellow addicts and alcoholics, as well as insight from professionals in faith, trauma, and recovery.

Because the truth is—we’re all addicted to something.

This is a space for the hurting, the hopeful, the honest, and yes—the hungover. But more than that, it’s a space for healing.

Listen to Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic and discover what happens when grace collides with addiction.

What happens when a bestselling Christian author becomes an alcoholic&mdash;not the other way around?
Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic is a raw, redemptive podcast hosted by Jon Seidl, based on his powerful book of the same name. This isn&rsquo;t just about addiction&mdash;it&rsquo;s about the messy middle of faith, trauma, and healing.
In each episode, Jon gets radically vulnerable as he shares his own journey through alcoholism, recovery, and ultimately, redemption in Christ. You&rsquo;ll hear real, unfiltered stories from fellow addicts and alcoholics, as well as insight from professionals in faith, trauma, and recovery.
Because the truth is&mdash;we&rsquo;re all addicted to something.
This is a space for the hurting, the hopeful, the honest, and yes&mdash;the hungover. But more than that, it&rsquo;s a space for healing.
Listen to Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic and discover what happens when grace collides with addiction.

Jon Seidl is the bestselling Christian author who became an alcoholic, not the other way around. It's usually the other way around. Or is it? "Confessions of a Christian alcoholic" (based on the book by the same title) is all about real stories, radical vulnerability, and remarkable comebacks of people who have struggled with alcoholism and addictions of all sorts. The show features interviews with fellow addicts and alcoholics as well as professionals in the fields of trauma, faith, and addiction recovery. Because let's be honest, we're all addicted to something. "Confessions" is a place for the desperate, the downtrodden, the destitute, and especially, the drunk. But it's also a place of hope and healing. Jon found sobriety after decades of struggling, but more importantly than finding sobriety, he found Jesus. In every episode, he gets radically vulnerable as he explores what it looks like to be on this journey of messy sanctification. Visit christianalcoholic.com for more resources.

Jon Seidl is the bestselling Christian author who became an alcoholic, not the other way around. It's usually the other way around. Or is it? "Confessions of a Christian alcoholic" (based on the book by the same title) is all about real stories, radical vulnerability, and remarkable comebacks of people who have struggled with alcoholism and addictions of all sorts. The show features interviews with fellow addicts and alcoholics as well as professionals in the fields of trauma, faith, and addiction recovery. Because let's be honest, we're all addicted to something. "Confessions" is a place for the desperate, the downtrodden, the destitute, and especially, the drunk. But it's also a place of hope and healing. Jon found sobriety after decades of struggling, but more importantly than finding sobriety, he found Jesus. In every episode, he gets radically vulnerable as he explores what it looks like to be on this journey of messy sanctification. Visit <a href="http://christianalcoholic.com/" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=http://christianalcoholic.com&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1747239325727000&amp;usg=AOvVaw1G-752Q-1dyjq6GN5gt7xw">christianalcoholic.com</a> for more resources.

Jon Seidl is the bestselling Christian author who became an alcoholic, not the other way around. It's usually the other way around. Or is it? "Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic" is all about real stories, radical vulnerability, and remarkable comebacks of people who have struggled with alcoholism and addictions of all sorts.

Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic with Jon Seidl

Official Trailer of "Confessions of A Christian Alcoholic" 

“It was such a relief to not have to lie anymore.”

That’s how Jed Payne describes the moment he finally stopped hiding and came clean. Again.

For years, Jed was a substance abuse counselor. He hosted a recovery podcast. He helped other people pursue sobriety and healing. Meanwhile, behind the scenes, he was spiraling back into addiction, secrecy, gambling, relapse, and despair.

And the deeper the double life became, the harder it felt to tell the truth. At one point, he considered ending it all, convinced that was the only way to freedom.

In this deeply vulnerable conversation, Jed shares the full story—from growing up in church and wrestling with purity culture and shame, to heroin addiction, repeated treatment stays, overdose, and eventually becoming a counselor helping others recover. But even after years of sobriety, hidden struggles slowly crept back in through “gray area” substances, gambling, dishonesty, and untreated pain.

What makes this conversation so powerful is that Jed isn’t telling this story from the safe distance of having everything figured out. He’s in the middle of rebuilding. He’s back in sober living. He’s repairing trust. He’s trying to show up faithfully as a father, partner, and man of God one day at a time.

And yet, in the middle of all that, he says something that I think so many people need to hear: telling the truth brought freedom.

This episode is about relapse, shame, repentance, secrecy, fatherhood, recovery, and what happens when we finally stop trying to manage our image and start getting radically honest. It’s also a reminder that recovery is rarely linear—and that God’s mercy still meets us in the middle of messy sanctification. Even when we get in our own way.

Listen to the Church and Other Drugs podcast 
Follow Jed on Instagram: @jed.i.am
Get Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org
Follow me: @jonseidl
Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic

We explore:

— Why so many Christians hide their addictions out of fear of hypocrisy
— How purity culture and shame shaped Jed’s early understanding of himself
— Jed’s rapid descent into heroin addiction and repeated overdoses
— What it was like becoming a substance abuse counselor while still battling internal struggles
— How gambling, Kratom, Adderall, and secrecy slowly reopened the door to addiction
— Why hidden relapse became spiritually and emotionally exhausting
— The freedom Jed experienced after finally telling the truth
— What fatherhood changed about the way Jed views recovery
— Why recovery journeys are rarely neat or linear
— How churches can become safer places for people struggling with addiction

&ldquo;It was such a relief to not have to lie anymore.&rdquo;
That&rsquo;s how Jed Payne describes the moment he finally stopped hiding and came clean. Again.
For years, Jed was a substance abuse counselor. He hosted a recovery podcast. He helped other people pursue sobriety and healing. Meanwhile, behind the scenes, he was spiraling back into addiction, secrecy, gambling, relapse, and despair.
And the deeper the double life became, the harder it felt to tell the truth. At one point, he considered ending it all, convinced that was the only way to freedom.
In this deeply vulnerable conversation, Jed shares the full story&mdash;from growing up in church and wrestling with purity culture and shame, to heroin addiction, repeated treatment stays, overdose, and eventually becoming a counselor helping others recover. But even after years of sobriety, hidden struggles slowly crept back in through &ldquo;gray area&rdquo; substances, gambling, dishonesty, and untreated pain.
What makes this conversation so powerful is that Jed isn&rsquo;t telling this story from the safe distance of having everything figured out. He&rsquo;s in the middle of rebuilding. He&rsquo;s back in sober living. He&rsquo;s repairing trust. He&rsquo;s trying to show up faithfully as a father, partner, and man of God one day at a time.
And yet, in the middle of all that, he says something that I think so many people need to hear: telling the truth brought freedom.
This episode is about relapse, shame, repentance, secrecy, fatherhood, recovery, and what happens when we finally stop trying to manage our image and start getting radically honest. It&rsquo;s also a reminder that recovery is rarely linear&mdash;and that God&rsquo;s mercy still meets us in the middle of messy sanctification. Even when we get in our own way.
Listen to the <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/church-other-drugs/id1191035186">Church and Other Drugs podcast </a> Follow Jed on Instagram: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/jed.i.am/">@jed.i.am</a> Get Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: <a href="https://www.veritasrecovery.org">veritasrecovery.org</a> Follow me: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/jonseidl/">@jonseidl</a> Order my new book,&nbsp;<a href="https://amzn.to/4opuOt">Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic</a>
We explore:
&mdash; Why so many Christians hide their addictions out of fear of hypocrisy &mdash; How purity culture and shame shaped Jed&rsquo;s early understanding of himself &mdash; Jed&rsquo;s rapid descent into heroin addiction and repeated overdoses &mdash; What it was like becoming a substance abuse counselor while still battling internal struggles &mdash; How gambling, Kratom, Adderall, and secrecy slowly reopened the door to addiction &mdash; Why hidden relapse became spiritually and emotionally exhausting &mdash; The freedom Jed experienced after finally telling the truth &mdash; What fatherhood changed about the way Jed views recovery &mdash; Why recovery journeys are rarely neat or linear &mdash; How churches can become safer places for people struggling with addiction

Hiding Addiction While Helping Others Recover: Jed Payne on the Reality of Relapse and Being Honest

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/5e27a451-e6e6-4c51-aa03-a7370003783c/clips/cee9cfea-65ed-41b1-97fa-b4570035b8a3/transcript

"The younger we are when things happen to us and the more serious they are, the stronger the feelings are and the more often those feelings show up.”

Those are the words of therapist and author Kimberly Miller, one of the kindest and most genuine people I have ever met.

Kim’s work has profoundly shaped not only this podcast, but also my own sobriety journey and ministry. Her book Boundaries for Your Soul—which she co-authored with Dr. Alison Cook (who I've also interviewed)—is one of the most important books I’ve ever read. It shaped the way I think about addiction, healing, sanctification, and the hidden parts of ourselves we often spend years trying to avoid—and gave me words to describe it. There are concepts and phrases in this episode that have become foundational to the work I now do in recovery ministry and discipleship.

In this deeply thoughtful and vulnerable conversation, Kim talks about Internal Family Systems (IFS), parts work, trauma, addiction, sanctification, and what it means to invite Jesus into the hidden places of our souls. We explore why so many Christians struggle to understand their own reactions, compulsions, anxieties, and addictions—and why healing requires more than behavior modification.

Kim explains how wounded “parts” of ourselves can become stuck in time, carrying shame, fear, loneliness, and pain from earlier experiences. She also unpacks the difference between “manager” parts, “firefighter” parts, and “exiles,” and why curiosity—not shame—is often the first step toward real transformation.

But one of the most unexpectedly powerful moments in the episode comes when Kim briefly shares about a season during COVID when she began noticing some uncomfortable patterns in her own life related to alcohol, stress, and coping. The honesty in that moment is striking—not because of scandal or sensationalism or because she is confessing a deep secret, but because it quietly reminds us that no one is immune from the ways alcohol can quietly start creeping into our lives. Even therapists. Even ministry leaders. Even deeply mature Christians.

Finally, we wrestle with a profound theological question: If we truly heal, why can’t some of us return to drinking casually? Is that evidence we haven’t done enough work? Or is it simply part of living in a fallen world with particular weaknesses and predispositions? Kim’s answer is nuanced, compassionate, and deeply grounded in both psychology and Christian faith.

This episode is about opening the locked rooms of our hearts and allowing Jesus into the places we’ve spent years trying to avoid.

Get Boundaries for Your Soul
Visit Kim's website
Follow Kim on Instagram: @kimberlyjunemillerlmft
Listen to my interview with her co-author, Dr. Alison Cook
Get Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org
Follow me: @jonseidl
Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic

We explore: 

— Why "parts work" and Internal Family Systems is so important in recovery conversations
— How wounded parts of ourselves can become “stuck in time” carrying shame, fear, loneliness, and pain from earlier experiences
— The difference between “manager,” “firefighter,” and “exile” parts of the soul
— Why curiosity and compassion are more transformative than shame and self-condemnation
— What it means to invite Jesus into the hidden and wounded places within us
— Why many Christians still have parts of themselves that have never fully encountered the healing presence of Christ
— How addiction and compulsive behaviors are often connected to escapism and emotional avoidance
— Kimberly’s surprisingly honest reflections about stress, coping, and recognizing unhealthy drinking patterns in her own life during COVID
— The relationship between childhood wounds, emotional triggers, and adult behaviors
— Why sobriety alone is not the same thing as healing or sanctification
— How Christian community, prayer, and self-awareness can become tools for deeper healing
— Whether some struggles and predispositions are simply part of living in a fallen world until final restoration

 

"The younger we are when things happen to us and the more serious they are, the stronger the feelings are and the more often those feelings show up.&rdquo;
Those are the words of therapist and author Kimberly Miller, one of the kindest and most genuine people I have ever met.
Kim&rsquo;s work has profoundly shaped not only this podcast, but also my own sobriety journey and ministry. Her book <a href="https://amzn.to/42HLens">Boundaries for Your Soul</a>&mdash;which she co-authored with Dr. Alison Cook (who I've also interviewed)&mdash;is one of the most important books I&rsquo;ve ever read. It shaped the way I think about addiction, healing, sanctification, and the hidden parts of ourselves we often spend years trying to avoid&mdash;and gave me words to describe it. There are concepts and phrases in this episode that have become foundational to the work I now do in recovery ministry and discipleship.
In this deeply thoughtful and vulnerable conversation, Kim talks about Internal Family Systems (IFS), parts work, trauma, addiction, sanctification, and what it means to invite Jesus into the hidden places of our souls. We explore why so many Christians struggle to understand their own reactions, compulsions, anxieties, and addictions&mdash;and why healing requires more than behavior modification.
Kim explains how wounded &ldquo;parts&rdquo; of ourselves can become stuck in time, carrying shame, fear, loneliness, and pain from earlier experiences. She also unpacks the difference between &ldquo;manager&rdquo; parts, &ldquo;firefighter&rdquo; parts, and &ldquo;exiles,&rdquo; and why curiosity&mdash;not shame&mdash;is often the first step toward real transformation.
But one of the most unexpectedly powerful moments in the episode comes when Kim briefly shares about a season during COVID when she began noticing some uncomfortable patterns in her own life related to alcohol, stress, and coping. The honesty in that moment is striking&mdash;not because of scandal or sensationalism or because she is confessing a deep secret, but because it quietly reminds us that no one is immune from the ways alcohol can quietly start creeping into our lives. Even therapists. Even ministry leaders. Even deeply mature Christians.
Finally, we wrestle with a profound theological question: If we truly heal, why can&rsquo;t some of us return to drinking casually? Is that evidence we haven&rsquo;t done enough work? Or is it simply part of living in a fallen world with particular weaknesses and predispositions? Kim&rsquo;s answer is nuanced, compassionate, and deeply grounded in both psychology and Christian faith.
This episode is about opening the locked rooms of our hearts and allowing Jesus into the places we&rsquo;ve spent years trying to avoid.
Get <a href="tps://amzn.to/42HLens">Boundaries for Your Soul</a> Visit Kim's <a href="https://www.kimberlyjunemiller.com">website</a> Follow Kim on Instagram: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kimberlyjunemillerlmft/">@kimberlyjunemillerlmft</a> Listen to <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/confessions-of-a-christian-alcoholic-with-jon-seidl/id1813869195?i=1000724719759">my interview with her co-author, Dr. Alison Cook</a> Get Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: <a href="https://www.veritasrecovery.org">veritasrecovery.org</a> Follow me: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/jonseidl/">@jonseidl</a> Order my new book,&nbsp;<a href="https://amzn.to/4opuOt">Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic</a>
We explore: 
&mdash; Why "parts work" and Internal Family Systems is so important in recovery conversations &mdash; How wounded parts of ourselves can become &ldquo;stuck in time&rdquo; carrying shame, fear, loneliness, and pain from earlier experiences &mdash; The difference between &ldquo;manager,&rdquo; &ldquo;firefighter,&rdquo; and &ldquo;exile&rdquo; parts of the soul &mdash; Why curiosity and compassion are more transformative than shame and self-condemnation &mdash; What it means to invite Jesus into the hidden and wounded places within us &mdash; Why many Christians still have parts of themselves that have never fully encountered the healing presence of Christ &mdash; How addiction and compulsive behaviors are often connected to escapism and emotional avoidance &mdash; Kimberly&rsquo;s surprisingly honest reflections about stress, coping, and recognizing unhealthy drinking patterns in her own life during COVID &mdash; The relationship between childhood wounds, emotional triggers, and adult behaviors &mdash; Why sobriety alone is not the same thing as healing or sanctification &mdash; How Christian community, prayer, and self-awareness can become tools for deeper healing &mdash; Whether some struggles and predispositions are simply part of living in a fallen world until final restoration
&nbsp;

The Parts of You That Still Need Jesus: Trauma, Healing, and IFS with Kimberly Miller

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/5e27a451-e6e6-4c51-aa03-a7370003783c/clips/1aefd5c7-69b7-4d49-af69-b45000f19337/transcript

“The Enneagram was demanding that I look to it first, and only through its lens could I look to God second.”

That’s just one of the revelations made by author and Oxford theology student Christina Lynn Wallace.

For years, Christina loved the Enneagram—a tool that has become popular in counseling and recovery circles. It helped her understand herself. It gave language to her struggles, her relationships, her emotions, and even her marriage. Like many Christians, she encountered it almost entirely through Christian sources and believed it was simply a helpful tool for self-awareness and spiritual growth.

Then her mother asked her a question she couldn’t shake: Have you ever really looked into the origins of it?

What followed was months of research that eventually led Christina to publicly walk away from the Enneagram altogether. And there are some shocking findings, including one of the founders admitting to having something or someone take over his body while writing aspects of the framework.

In this episode, we have one of the most nuanced and difficult conversations we’ve ever had on the podcast. Christina walks through the documented origins of the Enneagram, including the occultic and spiritual practices tied to several of its foundational figures, and explains why she ultimately came to believe the issue runs deeper than personality theory. At the center of the discussion is a bigger question—one that directly connects to addiction, recovery, identity, and discipleship:

What happens when something other than Jesus becomes the lens through which we understand ourselves?

This conversation is not about panic, shame, or cheap outrage. In fact, both Christina and I openly acknowledge that many people—including us—have found aspects of the Enneagram helpful. But we also wrestle honestly with the danger of allowing any system, framework, program, or personality tool to become an identity rather than simply a descriptor. As well as believing that our relationship to God is determined by a tool or test.

We also discuss the tension Christians often face when dealing with things that may have pagan or occultic roots. Can something be redeemed? What does discernment actually require? And how do we avoid both fear-driven legalism and spiritual naïveté?

Whether you agree with every conclusion in this episode or not, this conversation will challenge you to think more deeply about worship, identity, sanctification, and the subtle ways idols can disguise themselves as tools for healing.

We explore:

— Why Christina originally loved the Enneagram and found it genuinely helpful
— The research that caused her to completely reevaluate its origins
— The occultic practices connected to several foundational figures behind the Enneagram
— Why identity and idolatry became the central issue for her
— The similarities between addiction, misplaced worship, and personality-based identity systems
— Whether Christians can redeem tools or practices with pagan roots
— The difference between using a tool and being shaped by it
— How Christians should think about discernment without falling into fear or paranoia
— Why so many people in recovery and church culture are drawn to the Enneagram
— What repentance and “renouncing” the Enneagram practically looked like for Christina
— The danger of filtering your relationship with God through any framework besides Christ
— How confession, repentance, prayer, and sacramental practices gave Christina the freedom she had been looking for

Read Christina's research: Part 1 and Part 2
Christina's Substack: The Battle Cry
Visit her website and join her writing course
Our podcast episode on The Screwtape Letters
Get Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org
Follow me: @jonseidl
Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic

&ldquo;The Enneagram was demanding that I look to it first, and only through its lens could I look to God second.&rdquo;
That&rsquo;s just one of the revelations made by author and Oxford theology student Christina Lynn Wallace.
For years, Christina loved the Enneagram&mdash;a tool that has become popular in counseling and recovery circles. It helped her understand herself. It gave language to her struggles, her relationships, her emotions, and even her marriage. Like many Christians, she encountered it almost entirely through Christian sources and believed it was simply a helpful tool for self-awareness and spiritual growth.
Then her mother asked her a question she couldn&rsquo;t shake: Have you ever really looked into the origins of it?
What followed was months of research that eventually led Christina to publicly walk away from the Enneagram altogether. And there are some shocking findings, including one of the founders admitting to having something or someone take over his body while writing aspects of the framework.
In this episode, we have one of the most nuanced and difficult conversations we&rsquo;ve ever had on the podcast. Christina walks through the documented origins of the Enneagram, including the occultic and spiritual practices tied to several of its foundational figures, and explains why she ultimately came to believe the issue runs deeper than personality theory. At the center of the discussion is a bigger question&mdash;one that directly connects to addiction, recovery, identity, and discipleship:
What happens when something other than Jesus becomes the lens through which we understand ourselves?
This conversation is not about panic, shame, or cheap outrage. In fact, both Christina and I openly acknowledge that many people&mdash;including us&mdash;have found aspects of the Enneagram helpful. But we also wrestle honestly with the danger of allowing any system, framework, program, or personality tool to become an identity rather than simply a descriptor. As well as believing that our relationship to God is determined by a tool or test.
We also discuss the tension Christians often face when dealing with things that may have pagan or occultic roots. Can something be redeemed? What does discernment actually require? And how do we avoid both fear-driven legalism and spiritual na&iuml;vet&eacute;?
Whether you agree with every conclusion in this episode or not, this conversation will challenge you to think more deeply about worship, identity, sanctification, and the subtle ways idols can disguise themselves as tools for healing.
We explore:
&mdash; Why Christina originally loved the Enneagram and found it genuinely helpful &mdash; The research that caused her to completely reevaluate its origins &mdash; The occultic practices connected to several foundational figures behind the Enneagram &mdash; Why identity and idolatry became the central issue for her &mdash; The similarities between addiction, misplaced worship, and personality-based identity systems &mdash; Whether Christians can redeem tools or practices with pagan roots &mdash; The difference between using a tool and being shaped by it &mdash; How Christians should think about discernment without falling into fear or paranoia &mdash; Why so many people in recovery and church culture are drawn to the Enneagram &mdash; What repentance and &ldquo;renouncing&rdquo; the Enneagram practically looked like for Christina &mdash; The danger of filtering your relationship with God through any framework besides Christ &mdash; How confession, repentance, prayer, and sacramental practices gave Christina the freedom she had been looking for
Read Christina's research: <a href="https://christinalynnwallace.substack.com/p/the-truth-about-the-enneagram-that">Part 1</a> and <a href="https://christinalynnwallace.substack.com/p/was-i-wrong-about-the-enneagram-the">Part 2</a> Christina's Substack: <a href="https://christinalynnwallace.substack.com">The Battle Cry</a> Visit her <a href="https://www.christinalynnwallace.com">website</a> and join her <a href="https://www.christinalynnwallace.com/course">writing course</a> Our <a href="https://magiclikethis.substack.com/p/screwtapes-17th-letter-the-sin-that">podcast episode</a> on&nbsp;The Screwtape Letters Get Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: <a href="https://www.veritasrecovery.org">veritasrecovery.org</a> Follow me: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/jonseidl/">@jonseidl</a> Order my new book,&nbsp;<a href="https://amzn.to/4opuOt">Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic</a>

Has the Enneagram Duped Christians? Christina Wallace Reveals Some Shocking Details

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/5e27a451-e6e6-4c51-aa03-a7370003783c/clips/fdc9dc91-4ff6-4e1f-aea2-b44900f305ab/transcript

Official Trailer of "Confessions of A Christian Alcoholic"

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