Caroline Beidler still vividly remembers cracking open her first beer under a big oak tree. She was 11. In this episode of Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic, host Jon Seidl sits down with Beidler—managing editor of recovery.com, author, and addiction recovery advocate—to explore her powerful story of childhood trauma, early addiction, spiritual awakening, relapse, and ultimate restoration through faith and community. Together they unpack:

—How a single beer at age 11 set Caroline on a path of self-medication through adolescence.

—The role of church, baptism at 22, and “spiritual formation” in her sustained sobriety.

—What happens when recovery meets relapse—and why “recovery ruined it” for her the second time around.

—Jon reveals what he struggles with even more than wanting a drink.

—A candid conversation on AA, 12-step recovery programs, and “higher powers.”

—Practical strategies for loved ones: from radical vulnerability to setting boundaries.

—A sneak peek at Caroline’s book You Are Not Your Trauma.

—Advice for family members of those who struggle with addiction.

Follow Caroline: https://www.instagram.com/carolinebeidler_official/ or www.carolinebeidler.com 

Follow Jon: https://www.instagram.com/jonseidl/

Order the book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com

Get show updates and daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.com

 

Caroline Beidler still vividly remembers cracking open her first beer under a big oak tree. She was 11. In this episode of Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic, host Jon Seidl sits down with Beidler&mdash;managing editor of recovery.com, author, and addiction recovery advocate&mdash;to explore her powerful story of childhood trauma, early addiction, spiritual awakening, relapse, and ultimate restoration through faith and community. Together they unpack:
&mdash;How a single beer at age 11 set Caroline on a path of self-medication through adolescence.
&mdash;The role of church, baptism at 22, and &ldquo;spiritual formation&rdquo; in her sustained sobriety.
&mdash;What happens when recovery meets relapse&mdash;and why &ldquo;recovery ruined it&rdquo; for her the second time around.
&mdash;Jon reveals what he struggles with even more than wanting a drink.
&mdash;A candid conversation on AA, 12-step recovery programs, and &ldquo;higher powers.&rdquo;
&mdash;Practical strategies for loved ones: from radical vulnerability to setting boundaries.
&mdash;A sneak peek at Caroline&rsquo;s book You Are Not Your Trauma.
&mdash;Advice for family members of those who struggle with addiction.
Follow Caroline: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/carolinebeidler_official/">https://www.instagram.com/carolinebeidler_official/</a> or <a href="https://www.carolinebeidler.com">www.carolinebeidler.com </a>
Follow Jon: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/jonseidl/">https://www.instagram.com/jonseidl/</a>
Order the book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: <a href="https://www.christianalcoholic.com">www.christianalcoholic.com</a>
Get show updates and daily motivation: <a href="https://www.theveritasdaily.com">www.theveritasdaily.com</a>
&nbsp;

Jon Seidl is the bestselling Christian author who became an alcoholic, not the other way around. It's usually the other way around. Or is it? "Confessions of a Christian alcoholic" (based on the book by the same title) is all about real stories, radical vulnerability, and remarkable comebacks of people who have struggled with alcoholism and addictions of all sorts. The show features interviews with fellow addicts and alcoholics as well as professionals in the fields of trauma, faith, and addiction recovery. Because let's be honest, we're all addicted to something. "Confessions" is a place for the desperate, the downtrodden, the destitute, and especially, the drunk. But it's also a place of hope and healing. Jon found sobriety after decades of struggling, but more importantly than finding sobriety, he found Jesus. In every episode, he gets radically vulnerable as he explores what it looks like to be on this journey of messy sanctification. Visit christianalcoholic.com for more resources.

Jon Seidl is the bestselling Christian author who became an alcoholic, not the other way around. It's usually the other way around. Or is it? "Confessions of a Christian alcoholic" (based on the book by the same title) is all about real stories, radical vulnerability, and remarkable comebacks of people who have struggled with alcoholism and addictions of all sorts. The show features interviews with fellow addicts and alcoholics as well as professionals in the fields of trauma, faith, and addiction recovery. Because let's be honest, we're all addicted to something. "Confessions" is a place for the desperate, the downtrodden, the destitute, and especially, the drunk. But it's also a place of hope and healing. Jon found sobriety after decades of struggling, but more importantly than finding sobriety, he found Jesus. In every episode, he gets radically vulnerable as he explores what it looks like to be on this journey of messy sanctification. Visit <a href="http://christianalcoholic.com/" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=http://christianalcoholic.com&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1747239325727000&amp;usg=AOvVaw1G-752Q-1dyjq6GN5gt7xw">christianalcoholic.com</a> for more resources.

Jon Seidl is the bestselling Christian author who became an alcoholic, not the other way around. It's usually the other way around. Or is it? "Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic" is all about real stories, radical vulnerability, and remarkable comebacks of people who have struggled with alcoholism and addictions of all sorts.

Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic with Jon Seidl

Relapse, Trauma, and the Power of Community (Caroline Beidler): Episode 2

“I feel like I’m seeing colors now that I didn’t know existed.”

There should be a study done on how many recovering addicts say this exact thing (or something similar) about colors and their senses. It's what I said after getting sober and pursuing Jesus, and it's what Eddie Brett told me happened to him after he did the same thing. 

Eddie is someone who had it all. He had the record deal. The top 10 hit. The Simon Cowell contract. He stood on the stage of Britain’s Got Talent and nearly won the whole thing. From the outside, it looked like momentum and success. But inside, things were unraveling.

After getting dropped from his label, the drinking escalated. Nights blurred together. Shame piled up. A drunk-driving incident forced him to sit with a question he’d been avoiding: What if this isn’t just normal partying? What if this is something deeper?

In this episode, Eddie opens up about chasing blackouts, losing himself in alcohol culture, and the moment he admitted in a lonely studio, “I’ve actually got a problem.” He talks about what sobriety exposed in him—old wounds, fear of rejection, and a lifelong habit of running—and he shares how faith grew out of his climb toward finding the parts of himself he had numbed away.

If you’ve ever felt empty after getting everything you wanted, you'll want to hear Eddie's story.

Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here.

We Explore:

– Fame, record deals, and the identity crisis that followed success
– The cultural pressure of British drinking culture and why “I’m fine” is so easy to believe
– The drink-driving incident that forced an honest look inward
– Writing a song alone in a studio and realizing, “I’ve actually got a problem”
– Why early sobriety felt like missing out—and how that shifted
– Replacing alcohol with discipline, fitness, and intentional habits
– The impact of a 30-year sober church member who radiated joy
– How faith reshaped his fashion, language, career decisions, and relationships
– Why pursuing Jesus changed more than just his drinking
– What it means to “see colors you didn’t know existed” in sobriety

Listen to Eddie's new Album: Common Kalos
Follow Eddie on Instagram
Follow me: @jonseidl
Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic
Get the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible:https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0

&ldquo;I feel like I&rsquo;m seeing colors now that I didn&rsquo;t know existed.&rdquo;
There should be a study done on how many recovering addicts say this exact thing (or something similar) about colors and their senses. It's what I said after getting sober and pursuing Jesus, and it's what Eddie Brett told me happened to him after he did the same thing.&nbsp;
Eddie is someone who had it all. He had the record deal. The top 10 hit. The Simon Cowell contract. He stood on the stage of Britain&rsquo;s Got Talent and nearly won the whole thing. From the outside, it looked like momentum and success. But inside, things were unraveling.
After getting dropped from his label, the drinking escalated. Nights blurred together. Shame piled up. A drunk-driving incident forced him to sit with a question he&rsquo;d been avoiding: What if this isn&rsquo;t just normal partying? What if this is something deeper?
In this episode, Eddie opens up about chasing blackouts, losing himself in alcohol culture, and the moment he admitted in a lonely studio, &ldquo;I&rsquo;ve actually got a problem.&rdquo; He talks about what sobriety exposed in him&mdash;old wounds, fear of rejection, and a lifelong habit of running&mdash;and he shares how faith grew out of his climb toward finding the parts of himself he had numbed away.
If you&rsquo;ve ever felt empty after getting everything you wanted, you'll want to hear Eddie's story.
Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible <a href="https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0">here</a>.
We Explore:
&ndash; Fame, record deals, and the identity crisis that followed success &ndash; The cultural pressure of British drinking culture and why &ldquo;I&rsquo;m fine&rdquo; is so easy to believe &ndash; The drink-driving incident that forced an honest look inward &ndash; Writing a song alone in a studio and realizing, &ldquo;I&rsquo;ve actually got a problem&rdquo; &ndash; Why early sobriety felt like missing out&mdash;and how that shifted &ndash; Replacing alcohol with discipline, fitness, and intentional habits &ndash; The impact of a 30-year sober church member who radiated joy &ndash; How faith reshaped his fashion, language, career decisions, and relationships &ndash; Why pursuing Jesus changed more than just his drinking &ndash; What it means to &ldquo;see colors you didn&rsquo;t know existed&rdquo; in sobriety
Listen to Eddie's new Album: <a href="https://open.spotify.com/album/5UqgUhr9V20PS1OU8sbYDY?si=-uD06bfCQauVtHJyfu8Xtw">Common Kalos</a> Follow Eddie on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/eddiebrettmate">Instagram</a> Follow me:&nbsp;<a href="https://www.instagram.com/jonseidl/">@jonseidl</a> Order my new book,&nbsp;<a href="https://amzn.to/4opuOt">Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic</a> Get the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: <a href="https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0">h</a><a href="https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0">ttp</a><a href="https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0">s://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0</a>

Simon Cowell Gave Him a Record Deal, and Yet He Still Wasn't Fulfilled: Eddie Brett on Hitting Rock Bottom and Finding Jesus

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/5e27a451-e6e6-4c51-aa03-a7370003783c/clips/a5309da1-5a68-41f2-9d6c-b3fb011570b6/transcript

“Hope does not know how to leave. It just stays and quietly whispers, 'everything’s going to be okay. I know everything isn’t okay right now. Everything’s going be okay.'”

That's from Tanner Olson, an absolutely incredible poet who has a lot to say about the things that plunge us into addiction in the first place. His poetry isn't unreachable, though. It's poetry that meets you where you are at. Especially in your struggles. And that's why I'm talking to him today. 

Tanner understands hopelessness—that thing so many of us try to escape and drink away. He's struggled through infertility, depression, and working jobs you know you weren't meant to work. Now he's written a new book all about the antidote to hopelessness called Getting Through What You’re Going Through. It’s a collection of poems and reflections written through hard seasons when the life he wanted felt far out of reach. He doesn’t offer clichés. Instead, he offers beauty.

In this episode, we talk about what led to the new book: working at Chick-fil-A at 25 while dreaming of becoming a writer, winters in northern Wisconsin that felt isolating, and depression that wrapped him like a wet bathing suit. But more importantly, we talk about hope—not as a slogan, not as a trite verse thrown at pain—but as something that remains.

If you’ve ever felt stuck…
If you’ve ever wondered whether you have the faith to sit with yourself instead of escaping…
If you’ve ever questioned whether God is still present in what you’re walking through…

This conversation is an invitation to slow down and go through it, not around it. Because in those places is where God meets us. 

Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible by visiting https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0.

We Explore:

— Hope as “the full assurance that God is with me in this and will get me through this”
— The lie of feeling like a burden and not being good enough
— Depression, loneliness, and winters in northern Wisconsin
— Working at Chick-fil-A at 25 while pursuing a writing calling
— The courage required to leave a season that is no longer life-giving
— Why spiritual clichés often deepen wounds instead of healing them
— How to sit with someone who feels hopeless without trying to fix them
— The quiet, steady nature of real hope
— The difference between escapism and endurance
— Developing the faith to sit with yourself instead of reaching for escape

Get Tanner's new book: Getting Through What You're Going Through: Notes and Poems for Hoping and Becoming
Follow Tanner on Instagram and Substack
Tanner's website: writtentospeak.com
Follow me: @jonseidl
Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic
Get the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible:https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0

&ldquo;Hope does not know how to leave. It just stays and quietly whispers, 'everything&rsquo;s going to be okay. I know everything isn&rsquo;t okay right now. Everything&rsquo;s going be okay.'&rdquo;
That's from Tanner Olson, an absolutely incredible poet who has a lot to say about the things that plunge us into addiction in the first place. His poetry isn't unreachable, though. It's poetry that meets you where you are at. Especially in your struggles. And that's why I'm talking to him today.&nbsp;
Tanner understands hopelessness&mdash;that thing so many of us try to escape and drink away. He's struggled through infertility, depression, and working jobs you know you weren't meant to work. Now he's written a new book all about the antidote to hopelessness called&nbsp;<a href="https://amzn.to/4qDSLwT">Getting Through What You&rsquo;re Going Through</a>.&nbsp;It&rsquo;s a collection of poems and reflections written through hard seasons when the life he wanted felt far out of reach. He doesn&rsquo;t offer clich&eacute;s. Instead, he offers beauty.
In this episode, we talk about what led to the new book: working at Chick-fil-A at 25 while dreaming of becoming a writer, winters in northern Wisconsin that felt isolating, and depression that wrapped him like a wet bathing suit. But more importantly, we talk about hope&mdash;not as a slogan, not as a trite verse thrown at pain&mdash;but as something that remains.
If you&rsquo;ve ever felt stuck&hellip; If you&rsquo;ve ever wondered whether you have the faith to sit with yourself instead of escaping&hellip; If you&rsquo;ve ever questioned whether God is still present in what you&rsquo;re walking through&hellip;
This conversation is an invitation to slow down and go through it, not around it. Because in those places is where God meets us.&nbsp;
Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible by visiting&nbsp;<a href="https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0">https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0.</a>
We Explore:
&mdash; Hope as &ldquo;the full assurance that God is with me in this and will get me through this&rdquo; &mdash; The lie of feeling like a burden and not being good enough &mdash; Depression, loneliness, and winters in northern Wisconsin &mdash; Working at Chick-fil-A at 25 while pursuing a writing calling &mdash; The courage required to leave a season that is no longer life-giving &mdash; Why spiritual clich&eacute;s often deepen wounds instead of healing them &mdash; How to sit with someone who feels hopeless without trying to fix them &mdash; The quiet, steady nature of real hope &mdash; The difference between escapism and endurance &mdash; Developing the faith to sit with yourself instead of reaching for escape
Get Tanner's new book: <a href="https://amzn.to/4qDSLwT">Getting Through What You're Going Through: Notes and Poems for Hoping and Becoming</a> Follow Tanner on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/writtentospeak">Instagram</a> and <a href="https://substack.com/@tannerolson">Substack</a> Tanner's website: <a href="https://www.writtentospeak.com">writtentospeak.com</a> Follow me:&nbsp;<a href="https://www.instagram.com/jonseidl/">@jonseidl</a> Order my new book,&nbsp;<a href="https://amzn.to/4opuOt">Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic</a> Get the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: <a href="https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0">h</a><a href="https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0">ttp</a><a href="https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0">s://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0</a>

Holding Onto Hope Amidst Depression, Anxiety, and Uncertainty: Tanner Olson on Getting Through What You're Going Through

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/5e27a451-e6e6-4c51-aa03-a7370003783c/clips/8f388e3f-8935-45e4-b9d8-b3f5002768b6/transcript

“Forgiveness isn’t condoning what happened. It’s choosing not to let it destroy you anymore. … I forgave my dad more times than I can count, and I’ll probably keep forgiving him forever.”

Those are the beautiful words from Stephen McWhirter. You might not know McWhirter's name, but you do know his songs. Especially one of them. That’s because he’s the man behind the incredibly gripping worship anthem “Come Jesus Come,” recorded by CeCe Winans and eventually country superstar Cody Johnson.

But that's just a small part of a much bigger story. That story? It starts at a young age when McWhirter's father, a successful preacher loved by everyone, would beat his mother. The man who would praise God in the morning would punch his mom in the evening. How do you make sense of that?

The way so many of us do: we try to escape it. Numb it. Blur it out.

That’s exactly what McWhirter did. Despite his Christian upbringing, he ran hard into a life of drugs and alcohol starting at a young age. He needed to do all he could to drown the hypocrisy. The confusion. The images. Until one night, he couldn’t run anymore and God met him in the most unlikely way.

In this episode, McWhirter tells his unedited story from bitterness, to addiction, and ultimately to forgiveness. Along the way, he also tells the unlikely story behind Come Jesus Come—a song born out of longing for Christ’s return that later found a wider audience through Winans and Johnson—and explains how that longing reshaped the way he lives in the present. This is a conversation for anyone who has ever tried to run from God, and for anyone longing for things to be made right.

Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible by visiting https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0.

We explore: 

— How spiritual hypocrisy can fuel addiction and rebellion
— Growing up with abuse behind the scenes of public faith
— Addiction as self-destruction, numbness, and unresolved rage
— Encountering Jesus in the middle of active drug use
— Why forgiveness is necessary even when reconciliation isn’t possible
— The repeated, ongoing nature of true forgiveness
— Repentance as an invitation to freedom, not punishment
— Why hiding always leads to deeper bondage
— Why recovery aimed only at sobriety will never be enough
— What it means to become fully alive in Jesus

Get Stephen's new book: Radically Restored: How Knowing Jesus Heals Our Brokenness
Stephen's Instagram: @stephenmcwhirter
Follow me: @jonseidl
Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic
Get the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible:https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0

&ldquo;Forgiveness isn&rsquo;t condoning what happened. It&rsquo;s choosing not to let it destroy you anymore. &hellip; I forgave my dad more times than I can count, and I&rsquo;ll probably keep forgiving him forever.&rdquo;
Those are the beautiful words from Stephen McWhirter. You might not know McWhirter's name, but you do know his songs. Especially one of them. That&rsquo;s because he&rsquo;s the man behind the incredibly gripping worship anthem &ldquo;Come Jesus Come,&rdquo; recorded by CeCe Winans and eventually country superstar Cody Johnson.
But that's just a small part of a much bigger story. That story? It starts at a young age when McWhirter's father, a successful preacher loved by everyone, would beat his mother. The man who would praise God in the morning would punch his mom in the evening. How do you make sense of that?
The way so many of us do: we try to escape it. Numb it. Blur it out.
That&rsquo;s exactly what McWhirter did. Despite his Christian upbringing, he ran hard into a life of drugs and alcohol starting at a young age. He needed to do all he could to drown the hypocrisy. The confusion. The images. Until one night, he couldn&rsquo;t run anymore and God met him in the most unlikely way.
<a href="https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0"></a>In this episode, McWhirter tells his unedited story from bitterness, to addiction, and ultimately to forgiveness. Along the way, he also tells the unlikely story behind Come Jesus Come&mdash;a song born out of longing for Christ&rsquo;s return that later found a wider audience through Winans and Johnson&mdash;and explains how that longing reshaped the way he lives in the present. This is a conversation for anyone who has ever tried to run from God, and for anyone longing for things to be made right.
Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible by visiting&nbsp;<a href="https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0">https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0.</a>
We explore:&nbsp;
&mdash; How spiritual hypocrisy can fuel addiction and rebellion &mdash; Growing up with abuse behind the scenes of public faith &mdash; Addiction as self-destruction, numbness, and unresolved rage &mdash; Encountering Jesus in the middle of active drug use &mdash; Why forgiveness is necessary even when reconciliation isn&rsquo;t possible &mdash; The repeated, ongoing nature of true forgiveness &mdash; Repentance as an invitation to freedom, not punishment &mdash; Why hiding always leads to deeper bondage &mdash; Why recovery aimed only at sobriety will never be enough &mdash; What it means to become fully alive in Jesus
Get Stephen's new book:&nbsp;<a href="https://amzn.to/4tpBv1f">Radically Restored: How Knowing Jesus Heals Our Brokenness</a> Stephen's Instagram:&nbsp;<a href="https://www.instagram.com/stephenmcwhirter/">@stephenmcwhirter</a> Follow me:&nbsp;<a href="https://www.instagram.com/jonseidl/">@jonseidl</a> Order my new book,&nbsp;<a href="https://amzn.to/4opuOt">Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic</a> Get the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: <a href="https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0">h</a><a href="https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0">ttp</a><a href="https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0">s://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0</a>

He Wrote CeCe Winans' 'Come Jesus Come.' Stephen McWhirter Now Reveals His Past Struggles with Addiction and Forgiveness.

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/5e27a451-e6e6-4c51-aa03-a7370003783c/clips/3bd0f9ee-4c4f-437e-a806-b3ee002ee5d2/transcript

Relapse, Trauma, and the Power of Community (Caroline Beidler): Episode 2

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