You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast. Mama Maya acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters that this podcast is recorded on. Hello and Welcome to canceled a lazy girl's guide to bizarre celebrity cancelations. I'm Jesse Stevens and I'm Claire Stephens, and this week we unpacked the story of the One, the Only Northwest. I've only wanted to do her forever. I'm obsessed with her. She's the daughter of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, now known as Yay. You'd never be able to tell she was their child, but look, it got us thinking about friend of the Cancel Courtroom, Kimmy Kay as we call her, and you're about to hear the first of two parts of our episode on Kim Kardashian. This episode was from a little while ago, but it's still just so irrelevant. We thought it was very important to revisit it important context because Kim Kay is like she's like God, and that she's just everywhere always Jesse. Today on the show, we are talking about Kim Kardashian. Don't be fucking rude? Are you hidding me? To God? Don't be don't even anything on me. I'll fucking hurt you. He's fine. It seems like nobody wants to work these days. You have to surround yourself with people that want to work. We've spoken about a couple of members of the Kardashian family also, Gendel. Yes, and as I'm sure you're aware, Jesse, there's this really important rule in court rooms that we have to abide by, and obviously we're incredibly strict. That's just fun about this is that we do learn more law lingo yeah, every week and make up our own like along with the listeners. Yeah, we really hold them by the hand, and in that they probably know more about the court than we do. Yes, it turns out that if something has been brought up in another court case, you can't bring it up again. Is that actually true? No, it's not, but it is true for our chorus, because I don't want it to feel repetitive. Ah. For example, Quick Trim already talked about it inadmissible prosecuted, Yeah, already prosecuted. Slim Fast a little touch on it, sure, but it's not going to be a huge chunk of what we talk about. Great, obviously this is going to be a two parter. They're simply too much to cover with old Kimbo Kimberly No cut your Life. I thought it was pronounced Noel and O we l Yeah, Noel, I read no Okay. I've tried to divide these episodes by Kim pre and post Kanye era, but by post I mean after they've broken up, and that is very loose, okay, because as always, this is by my gut, my interests, and where I thought the topics should go. It's very guided by external Wikipedia links is what I found because I go diet culture and then I go oh, cultural appropriate. You know, yes's guided by an algorithm. It's also guided by what I've seen on my personal for you page on TikTok Yeah, and that is going to guide the decisions I make content wise. That's when you know you've got some serious rigor around what you're doing. My structure for today's episode is as follows, kim Let Me Eat, and that's about the promotion of appetites of presents, her attempts to sing an act, her seventy two day marriage, and animal welfare. That is one of my favorite topics on this show. Jesse, I want you to be North. Do you know why? Because she's sassy? Yeah, you know what she has in terms of then diagram of vibe. Her and Princess Charlotte. Okay, I think they would be kindred spirits. Okay, because she just thinks her mom's a bit cringe. She's a big on the pic chock. Yeah she is, that's who you are. Okay. First, a bit about Kim Kardashian. You spoil the middle name. Thanks for that. She's forty one and she's worth one point eight billion dollars, so a lot. Jesse and her poor sister. We did work out, didn't we the poorest? Oh? Because we discussed poosh. Okay, we did, Jesse. What is your personal favorite Kim Kardashian moment? The earring in Bora Bora. Okay, and explain that a little bit more. Ah, it's more a feeling. She's in Borbora, she loses an earring, yep, And what gets yelled at her Kim, there's people that are dying. Yeah, okay, if that's what Corney yells. Because Kim's overreacting and she cries and she's a really ugly crier, and her sisters give her a lot of crap about it, yes, which is something that I relate to because in our family, I'm the ugly crier, and I have a tendency when I, especially as a child, I would start to eat to comfort myself. Made it made it ugly out because you were your mouth was making shapes around food while you were crying, and we were like, oh yeah. So every time someone would impersonate me and my family, you would cry and eat chips at the same time be like, who am I? Who am I? It with me? My personal favorite Kim moment was actually when there's an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians where she noticed Chris was missing her kids, mostly the girls, not so much Rob, and so she she needs to a canceled episode on Rob because I don't know if he even has a wiki page. I don't think he's doing so well. So Kim rented Chris a chip for a week. The chimp's name was Susie, and Kim kind of dressed up in baby clothes, made it wear a nappy, and just dropped it at Chris's house. It was so funny. It was really good content. There'll be more on that. That's a m well welfare. Yeah, all right, let's get into my first topic. Kim, let me eat. We've spoken before about how one of out earliest memories of the Kardashians is when they were advertising Quick Trim in those purple bikinis. It was very lucky you walked into a pharmacy in seven eight, Yeah, and Kim Kardashian was like, why eat when you could not? Yeah, exactly. And the main ingredient in that was caffeine. And in twenty twelve they were sued because it didn't work right, and they argued Kim's legal team argued, well, is it a spokesperson's fault if the product they're endorsing doesn't work. We didn't make it. So that's where she's starting from. In terms of her philosophy. You might think that after the Quick Trim moment, she thought, you know what, I am making a lot of money. I don't need to endorse weight loss products specifically. You know how people who are doing well and have a well established career often have no sponsored posts written on their Instagram. I've noticed Maya does it because she's like, oh, I've got my company. Yeah, I've got it, buz. Sally Hepworth, She's an author, don't do sponsored things. I write my books. At what point does Kim Kardashian go, I have amount for money. I don't need sponkn. I don't need sponkn. But instead she's like, she loves it. I'm forty, here's a new pair of underpants. Really, Kim, she gets paid like eight hundred thousand dollars for a sponsored post. Years after the quick Trim fiasco, in twenty eighteen, Kim posts a photo to Instagram It's too recent advertising flat tummy Coe's appetite suppression lollipops? Do you remember this image? Vermouth? She described them as literally unreal, which is probably true because they don't don't do anything, and she directed her followers to try them. She's got a lot of backlash, including from actor and radio host Jamila Jamil, who said the Kardashian's broadly selling her self consciousness and a double agents for the patriarchy. I don't even know if we need to explain why it's so problematic, but there's no way Kim Kardashian achieved a completely different body to the one she grew up with by sucking on anti supress and lollipops. It's just one of those things. So like she milleged me. All came out and she had really good points and stuff, and you just want to shrug your shoulders and go, yeah, yeah, she's a double agent for the Patriot. Yeah, she was steering, and I'm not losing sleep over. I don't expect sense from this woman. I never have. I never have. Look, it's problematic because it's like always directed at women. Kim's defense. Isn't this character growth which we always try and reward because quick Trim I thought was a she yourself, whereas the lollipop is an appetus? Is that stopping before the ship? O? Lovely? No, See, I've got in my notes women are allowed to eat, Kim. I've got that in. She's having lollipop. Not enough, it's not enough, okay. I mean she talks about diets now, and I'm like, how I feel in twenty twenty two. Let the woman. Let the woman diet. I'll have MCKAYFC chips. I'm sucking on a pepsi max. We're all doing our best. I think that's incredibly problematic, but I shan't be bothered interrogating. Moving on to her attempts to sing an act, which is more what this podcast is about. Kim did once try to explain to North, that's you why her parents were so famous, and her quote was, Daddy is a singer, performer, artist. Mummy has so many talents I can't even begin to name them, which is genuinely hilarious. And name them those talents, it seems, are not singing or acting. Because Jesse, I'm going to play you a song. Spoiler. That song is sung by Kimberly Noel Kardashian. They play. My favorite lyrics are in this bit girls in the building, fellas in the club, boys spending money, girls looking good rhyme. I notice none of that rhymes. I'm on the floor, living my life, feeling so good, feeling so right, got my hands up, celebrate like it's my birthday. So I listened to this because I said, I don't think Kimberly Noel cut ash In has ever written a song. And then I found this and I thought, this is the best thing ever I've ever heard. I don't know why it's not playing all the time. It is a mishmash of every phrase you would put into a song, such as you're going out tonight. I hope that's something you'd put in your song jam, turn it up, turn it up, turn up, mentioning paying your bills, but not necessarily How think you're doing it, because if you don't, then you get into debt, and that is stressful for the person trying to dance. Okay, So if I wrote a pop relatable, I pay my I pay my bills. I've got bills, I paid them, failing, failing, great, and you, oh, thank god. If I wrote a pop song two, I am want to stay all night, I can't be thinking about your bills, Kim, I would sing turn it up the music, dance, dance luck you mean yeah, in the club all night dancing, naughty dancing. I'd put something in there at naughty dancing, paying my bills, working so hard so I can play hard. I'd put baby in there, like yeah, baby yeah, or something in the background, dollar dollar bills to pay my bills. Tonight, seventeen time, tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight. Don't get into debt so you can party and stay up all night. Okay. I just have to mention special shout out for the final line killer killer iron music, kim Me, I love her. These are the comments on the YouTube clip, because you did have a good point about the pop songs. One of the comments is this song is like if you tried explaining pop music to an alien, and that's what they would do. But what's so confusing about it is that it's like an AI Like you put all the terms into an AI machine and it spun out a pop song, but it sucked wild. What what I love about this stage of Kim Kardashian's career is that I will term it in her biography called kimberlino Al Kardashian My story. This will be under the subheading throwing it at a wall and seeing lots of see I had more of this is why we don't say yes to everything. That was the period. I don't think anyone ever asked her this. I think this was you think she was putting a hand out? Okay, Well, a couple of other just comments from the YouTube clip. I listened to this song to cure my depression because I know nothing can get worse than this. You can hear the pain in her voice when she tries to sing up and down a semi time and she actually it's a speaking song. Yeah, no, she doesn't really sing, and then this makes me feel better about my mistakes in life. Yes, I actually agree with that. Now moving on, because Kim has had a few acting since I personally really enjoy that she had this phase of her life where again she said yes to everything, including disaster movie. I'm less interested in the times she appeared as herself, which is often bad in that too, but I'm more interested in the times she genuinely tried to act, like in a TV show called Beyond the Break and a movie called American Hot Babes. But just a moment for a disaster movie. No, we know things go down here when you get hiccups. This was in that era of scary movie and not another teen movie, which were brilliant. But then they tried to do disaster movie and it was so strange because it was just actors who looked like far more famous actors who we're in mainstream movies, so who was it but not necessarily disaster movies, So no one famous except for Kim Kardashian and Karmen Electra, but everyone else just looked like the guy from superbat Because when I heard you say, Kim Kardashian was in movies. I was like, oh yeah, yeah, House of Wax. That was Paraceltan mo right, okay, but Disaster Movie was in the same yeah era. Sure, so Kim plays Lisa, whose main role is being hot. Disaster Movie has an approval rating of one percent Tomato's and here's what the reviews at the time said. Nothing can convey the grimness of Disaster Movie, which would be the worst movie ever were it actually a movie at all. Oh yeah, I just don't see how anyone could not find Disaster Movie one of the worst films of all time. Is it a satire? It's meant to be comedy, It's not funny. Kim has since said she's mortified by it and cannot watch it back. She also won a Razzie for Worse Supporting Actor for her role in Temptation Confessions of a Marriage count and that was really really bad. So she wasn't playing herself in that eye, No, she was playing Eva. I saw her in nine O two one zero, and I saw another clip where she had a fight with someone and they put like a bowl of slime over her. Oh yeah, she had to be shocked. I don't think she's as bad as you would think she would be. She just is very dead man. She's very expl which is her if you know her like I know her, She's just quite friend Kim, very Kim. Moving on to her seventy two day marriage. In twenty eleven, Kim Kardashian married Chris Humphries in a wedding that cost ten million dollars. They'd been dating for seven months. I just want it on the record that she was like late twenties, which is quite late for seventy two day marriage. Wasn't it her second marriage too? Yes. Their ceremony aired on Keeping up with the Kardashians two months after the wedding, and Kim filed for divorce. The very same month. When she filed for divorce citing irreconcilable differences, Chris said publicly that he wasn't done fighting for their real life relationship. Then he tried to claim there was fraud involved because she had signed they had done a prenup saying anything she earned during the course of their marriage was hers, and so he was like, this is all a setup to make money. But it ended up they just filed irreconcilable differences. There was no truth to the fraud claims. Wait, so was there an annulment? No, okay, they couldn't be. They made about eighteen million dollars for their wedding with me, they made a profit. Yeah, so that was an eight million dollar profit, So well done, great business. She Avril Levine was in attendance as a guest. Okay, didn't know they were friends? And yeah I didn't not? Are they maybe not? What do they talk about other than again two thousand and three. I think a lot of Kin's relationships were based on that big year for us. Also, Serena Williams was there. Okay, I looked out the guest list. Yeah, you have four hundred people, four hundred and fifty closest friends and family. Well, I did think, how do you spend ten million? There you go? Four hundred four They also had I listened to someone who was called wedding expert talking about their wedding saying they had a like a ten tier cake that was based off will and okay, oh, how did cookies in it? Or something? Lovely? She was describing the cookie. Well, I'm Salivatingians know how to do a cake. They do. My favorite thing about this whole moment, though, chocolate chip. Sorry, I wrote it down. Chocolate Chip Frosting was the episode of The Kardashians when Kim and Chris Jenna were in Dubai and they had a conversation about Kim feeling funny about her husband. I've always loved this moment because Chris was like, are you excited to get home to your hobby? And Kim was like eh, and Chris was like, well, and then Kim said, not really. I don't know. I can't really explain it. I feel a sense of relief that I'm here, and basically, Mum, I didn't want to tell you about it, but I'm breaking out there's something in my relationship that isn't right. And she's like, oh, but do you think that's normal? And Chris her quote is no, Kim is not normal. It really isn't normal to feel like you don't want to go home to your brand new husband. I remember watching that and thinking we've all been there. Yeah, we've all been overseas and gone, oh no, I enjoy being away more than with that person, and I've realized it and I'm gonna have to break up with them. The difference is we didn't have a ten million dollar wedding. That's some passing. Yeah, And she says that, yeah, it was a fuss. It was a pig fuss. She says she didn't feel like she could back out, and she didn't feel like she could break up with someone or say no. And I just think there really is a common thread here in not saying no when we should have said no. And it's jam is the song. It's a disaster movie and it's Chris Humphreys. Moving on to animal welfare, my favorite topic. Last year, Kim adopted a bearded dragon for North Jesse. Thanks, Mom, Jesse. The only time the entire episode. I'm going to show you some photos of the pet. I mean, I know who they named Speed, and you're gonna tell me how dragon you think it's going for Speed? Just describe what you see in those photos. M Okay, this is like when I put a T shirt on my dog and my partner gets me in trouble because he says, this is more for you than her. Okay. Speed is wrapped in either a matching dressing gown to North or potentially just the same dressing gown skims. It's custom made. Okay, it's custom made skims. For speed. So Speed looks tightly wrapped up, a little too tight. I don't think speed, given that Speed is a reptile and we know that they have been evolving for a long time, I don't think speed needs jump up. Speed is warm enough. Do you notice anything else? Do you notice that it looks press something strange on Speed's head? I thought that was just part of being a dragon. No, that is it's like a red that's a jewelweling speeding speed. Now people got really upset. They said, stop dressing him. They actually breathed through their skin, so it's like putting like an actual something over someone's mouth. Yeah. Yeah, an expert said, bearded dragons make excellent pets for children, provided they get the right case. This is a problem with the internet. If you post anything, there's going to be someone who knows more about bearded dragons than you, and you're doing it wrong. As they are cold blooded, they need to warm their bodies by basking under specialist reptile heat lamps, not by wearing designer clothing that feels like a dig. So when that happened the bearded dragon controversy, and everyone said, Kim, no, honey, let's take the skims off. Let's take the jewel off. Also, Speed belongs in a different climate. Speed belongs in Central Australia. Don't all our pets belong in different place? Yes, But when that happened, everybody said, Kim, this isn't the first time with the internet. It remembers because they remembered Susie. Okay, because Kim, she adopts Susie and Kim was Kim posted on her blog. She had a blog at the time saying we got a monkey. People were really angry because Susie was not a monkey. Sussie was a chimp and they're different. I went back and watched Animal people are very I just love Susie. Poor Chris is in her house and they bring Susie over the sisters and she keeps laughing and being like, Susie has a dia baron. Chris is like, you guys, why is they're a monkey in the house again, Susie is not a monkey. Susie keeps stealing everyone's Ephie's Jesse. Here some photos of Susie. You're going to need to tell me what she screen grabs from YouTube. So Susie is being fed with a spoon Susie is having her nappy changed on the floor, Susie is making a salad, and Susie is in bed next to Chris playing with her hair. She's patting her to sleep. Okay, Susie's patting Chris janitousleep. So that is what I have the first half of this episode. There's more about animal welfare that you missed. Was it the time that Kim rode the elephant in Indonesia? Yeah, I did have that, and I arbitrary to remove it, but I do want to bring it up because we know a little bit about Americans and elephants, don't we. We do. We had our own incidents. So what happened with Kim was she posted a throwback to going, oh I miss the elephant at the elephant sanctuary, and Sweetie, that that the vibe that ain't a sanctuary for that elephant. It was her and Kanye And then they're like padding an elephant's bald head or something and just hanging out with elephants, and all these people were like, Kim, it's just not the dumb thing. You and I went to Thailand years ago and we went to a elephant sanctuary on the internet, and which why are we opening ourselves up? Okay, we didn't ride them. We researched it and I said it was elephants sanctuary. So we went. We sat down. We went, oh, we're going to watch some elephants be washed. Yeah, how beautiful, lovely, a little little massage. No, the elephants were dancing to a song. Claire, what was the song? Cha, la la la la. And they were doing a little four step little dance. They were swaying. And then there was another elephant in the corner who I think they called Picasso, who was painting a tree. And I said, quite audibly, this is discussing we're leaving, okay, because I can see the scars on the elephant from when they've been injured, when they weren't tri la la la laing as you wanted them to. And an American was sitting behind us, sitting behind us, tapped me on the shoulder and said, they wouldn't do it if they didn't want to. And from then on, every time we think about an animal doing something it clearly does not want to do, we think, oh, you know, they wouldn't do it if that animal did not spontaneously start dancing to that and get rewarded, and it didn't spontaneously paint that picture. No, and Kim, why we don't go and ride the elephant? I think Kim thinks that. Kim's like, well, it wouldn't let me ride it if it didn't want me to. It wouldn't paint a picture if it wasn't feeling as by it. Jesse, that's all we've got time for on part one. It was rogue. It was rogue. And now we're moving on to more the post Kanye era in part two, so we'll be talking about photoshop failures. You should work your lazy the Marilyn Monroe dress, canundra oh, the Allure interview with us so much, so much, very excited to listen to part two on Kim Kardashian. That episode is called Kim Photoshop to seven year old Kardashian. You can do that right now. You can click the link in our show notes. You can also listen to episode on Kanye because yeah, that exists too, just scroll through. We'll also have a link in our show notes that episode all about Kanye. So much has happened with Kim that we seriously might need a part three. I know, I know, and we will be back next week.

You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast. Mama Maya acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters that this podcast is recorded on. Hello and Welcome to canceled a lazy girl's guide to bizarre celebrity cancelations. I'm Jesse Stevens and I'm Claire Stephens, and this week we unpacked the story of the One, the Only Northwest. I've only wanted to do her forever. I'm obsessed with her. She's the daughter of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, now known as Yay. You'd never be able to tell she was their child, but look, it got us thinking about friend of the Cancel Courtroom, Kimmy Kay as we call her, and you're about to hear the first of two parts of our episode on Kim Kardashian. This episode was from a little while ago, but it's still just so irrelevant. We thought it was very important to revisit it important context because Kim Kay is like she's like God, and that she's just everywhere always Jesse. Today on the show, we are talking about Kim Kardashian. Don't be fucking rude? Are you hidding me? To God? Don't be don't even anything on me. I'll fucking hurt you. He's fine. It seems like nobody wants to work these days. You have to surround yourself with people that want to work. We've spoken about a couple of members of the Kardashian family also, Gendel. Yes, and as I'm sure you're aware, Jesse, there's this really important rule in court rooms that we have to abide by, and obviously we're incredibly strict. That's just fun about this is that we do learn more law lingo yeah, every week and make up our own like along with the listeners. Yeah, we really hold them by the hand, and in that they probably know more about the court than we do. Yes, it turns out that if something has been brought up in another court case, you can't bring it up again. Is that actually true? No, it's not, but it is true for our chorus, because I don't want it to feel repetitive. Ah. For example, Quick Trim already talked about it inadmissible prosecuted, Yeah, already prosecuted. Slim Fast a little touch on it, sure, but it's not going to be a huge chunk of what we talk about. Great, obviously this is going to be a two parter. They're simply too much to cover with old Kimbo Kimberly No cut your Life. I thought it was pronounced Noel and O we l Yeah, Noel, I read no Okay. I've tried to divide these episodes by Kim pre and post Kanye era, but by post I mean after they've broken up, and that is very loose, okay, because as always, this is by my gut, my interests, and where I thought the topics should go. It's very guided by external Wikipedia links is what I found because I go diet culture and then I go oh, cultural appropriate. You know, yes's guided by an algorithm. It's also guided by what I've seen on my personal for you page on TikTok Yeah, and that is going to guide the decisions I make content wise. That's when you know you've got some serious rigor around what you're doing. My structure for today's episode is as follows, kim Let Me Eat, and that's about the promotion of appetites of presents, her attempts to sing an act, her seventy two day marriage, and animal welfare. That is one of my favorite topics on this show. Jesse, I want you to be North. Do you know why? Because she's sassy? Yeah, you know what she has in terms of then diagram of vibe. Her and Princess Charlotte. Okay, I think they would be kindred spirits. Okay, because she just thinks her mom's a bit cringe. She's a big on the pic chock. Yeah she is, that's who you are. Okay. First, a bit about Kim Kardashian. You spoil the middle name. Thanks for that. She's forty one and she's worth one point eight billion dollars, so a lot. Jesse and her poor sister. We did work out, didn't we the poorest? Oh? Because we discussed poosh. Okay, we did, Jesse. What is your personal favorite Kim Kardashian moment? The earring in Bora Bora. Okay, and explain that a little bit more. Ah, it's more a feeling. She's in Borbora, she loses an earring, yep, And what gets yelled at her Kim, there's people that are dying. Yeah, okay, if that's what Corney yells. Because Kim's overreacting and she cries and she's a really ugly crier, and her sisters give her a lot of crap about it, yes, which is something that I relate to because in our family, I'm the ugly crier, and I have a tendency when I, especially as a child, I would start to eat to comfort myself. Made it made it ugly out because you were your mouth was making shapes around food while you were crying, and we were like, oh yeah. So every time someone would impersonate me and my family, you would cry and eat chips at the same time be like, who am I? Who am I? It with me? My personal favorite Kim moment was actually when there's an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians where she noticed Chris was missing her kids, mostly the girls, not so much Rob, and so she she needs to a canceled episode on Rob because I don't know if he even has a wiki page. I don't think he's doing so well. So Kim rented Chris a chip for a week. The chimp's name was Susie, and Kim kind of dressed up in baby clothes, made it wear a nappy, and just dropped it at Chris's house. It was so funny. It was really good content. There'll be more on that. That's a m well welfare. Yeah, all right, let's get into my first topic. Kim, let me eat. We've spoken before about how one of out earliest memories of the Kardashians is when they were advertising Quick Trim in those purple bikinis. It was very lucky you walked into a pharmacy in seven eight, Yeah, and Kim Kardashian was like, why eat when you could not? Yeah, exactly. And the main ingredient in that was caffeine. And in twenty twelve they were sued because it didn't work right, and they argued Kim's legal team argued, well, is it a spokesperson's fault if the product they're endorsing doesn't work. We didn't make it. So that's where she's starting from. In terms of her philosophy. You might think that after the Quick Trim moment, she thought, you know what, I am making a lot of money. I don't need to endorse weight loss products specifically. You know how people who are doing well and have a well established career often have no sponsored posts written on their Instagram. I've noticed Maya does it because she's like, oh, I've got my company. Yeah, I've got it, buz. Sally Hepworth, She's an author, don't do sponsored things. I write my books. At what point does Kim Kardashian go, I have amount for money. I don't need sponkn. I don't need sponkn. But instead she's like, she loves it. I'm forty, here's a new pair of underpants. Really, Kim, she gets paid like eight hundred thousand dollars for a sponsored post. Years after the quick Trim fiasco, in twenty eighteen, Kim posts a photo to Instagram It's too recent advertising flat tummy Coe's appetite suppression lollipops? Do you remember this image? Vermouth? She described them as literally unreal, which is probably true because they don't don't do anything, and she directed her followers to try them. She's got a lot of backlash, including from actor and radio host Jamila Jamil, who said the Kardashian's broadly selling her self consciousness and a double agents for the patriarchy. I don't even know if we need to explain why it's so problematic, but there's no way Kim Kardashian achieved a completely different body to the one she grew up with by sucking on anti supress and lollipops. It's just one of those things. So like she milleged me. All came out and she had really good points and stuff, and you just want to shrug your shoulders and go, yeah, yeah, she's a double agent for the Patriot. Yeah, she was steering, and I'm not losing sleep over. I don't expect sense from this woman. I never have. I never have. Look, it's problematic because it's like always directed at women. Kim's defense. Isn't this character growth which we always try and reward because quick Trim I thought was a she yourself, whereas the lollipop is an appetus? Is that stopping before the ship? O? Lovely? No, See, I've got in my notes women are allowed to eat, Kim. I've got that in. She's having lollipop. Not enough, it's not enough, okay. I mean she talks about diets now, and I'm like, how I feel in twenty twenty two. Let the woman. Let the woman diet. I'll have MCKAYFC chips. I'm sucking on a pepsi max. We're all doing our best. I think that's incredibly problematic, but I shan't be bothered interrogating. Moving on to her attempts to sing an act, which is more what this podcast is about. Kim did once try to explain to North, that's you why her parents were so famous, and her quote was, Daddy is a singer, performer, artist. Mummy has so many talents I can't even begin to name them, which is genuinely hilarious. And name them those talents, it seems, are not singing or acting. Because Jesse, I'm going to play you a song. Spoiler. That song is sung by Kimberly Noel Kardashian. They play. My favorite lyrics are in this bit girls in the building, fellas in the club, boys spending money, girls looking good rhyme. I notice none of that rhymes. I'm on the floor, living my life, feeling so good, feeling so right, got my hands up, celebrate like it's my birthday. So I listened to this because I said, I don't think Kimberly Noel cut ash In has ever written a song. And then I found this and I thought, this is the best thing ever I've ever heard. I don't know why it's not playing all the time. It is a mishmash of every phrase you would put into a song, such as you're going out tonight. I hope that's something you'd put in your song jam, turn it up, turn it up, turn up, mentioning paying your bills, but not necessarily How think you're doing it, because if you don't, then you get into debt, and that is stressful for the person trying to dance. Okay, So if I wrote a pop relatable, I pay my I pay my bills. I've got bills, I paid them, failing, failing, great, and you, oh, thank god. If I wrote a pop song two, I am want to stay all night, I can't be thinking about your bills, Kim, I would sing turn it up the music, dance, dance luck you mean yeah, in the club all night dancing, naughty dancing. I'd put something in there at naughty dancing, paying my bills, working so hard so I can play hard. I'd put baby in there, like yeah, baby yeah, or something in the background, dollar dollar bills to pay my bills. Tonight, seventeen time, tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight. Don't get into debt so you can party and stay up all night. Okay. I just have to mention special shout out for the final line killer killer iron music, kim Me, I love her. These are the comments on the YouTube clip, because you did have a good point about the pop songs. One of the comments is this song is like if you tried explaining pop music to an alien, and that's what they would do. But what's so confusing about it is that it's like an AI Like you put all the terms into an AI machine and it spun out a pop song, but it sucked wild. What what I love about this stage of Kim Kardashian's career is that I will term it in her biography called kimberlino Al Kardashian My story. This will be under the subheading throwing it at a wall and seeing lots of see I had more of this is why we don't say yes to everything. That was the period. I don't think anyone ever asked her this. I think this was you think she was putting a hand out? Okay, Well, a couple of other just comments from the YouTube clip. I listened to this song to cure my depression because I know nothing can get worse than this. You can hear the pain in her voice when she tries to sing up and down a semi time and she actually it's a speaking song. Yeah, no, she doesn't really sing, and then this makes me feel better about my mistakes in life. Yes, I actually agree with that. Now moving on, because Kim has had a few acting since I personally really enjoy that she had this phase of her life where again she said yes to everything, including disaster movie. I'm less interested in the times she appeared as herself, which is often bad in that too, but I'm more interested in the times she genuinely tried to act, like in a TV show called Beyond the Break and a movie called American Hot Babes. But just a moment for a disaster movie. No, we know things go down here when you get hiccups. This was in that era of scary movie and not another teen movie, which were brilliant. But then they tried to do disaster movie and it was so strange because it was just actors who looked like far more famous actors who we're in mainstream movies, so who was it but not necessarily disaster movies, So no one famous except for Kim Kardashian and Karmen Electra, but everyone else just looked like the guy from superbat Because when I heard you say, Kim Kardashian was in movies. I was like, oh yeah, yeah, House of Wax. That was Paraceltan mo right, okay, but Disaster Movie was in the same yeah era. Sure, so Kim plays Lisa, whose main role is being hot. Disaster Movie has an approval rating of one percent Tomato's and here's what the reviews at the time said. Nothing can convey the grimness of Disaster Movie, which would be the worst movie ever were it actually a movie at all. Oh yeah, I just don't see how anyone could not find Disaster Movie one of the worst films of all time. Is it a satire? It's meant to be comedy, It's not funny. Kim has since said she's mortified by it and cannot watch it back. She also won a Razzie for Worse Supporting Actor for her role in Temptation Confessions of a Marriage count and that was really really bad. So she wasn't playing herself in that eye, No, she was playing Eva. I saw her in nine O two one zero, and I saw another clip where she had a fight with someone and they put like a bowl of slime over her. Oh yeah, she had to be shocked. I don't think she's as bad as you would think she would be. She just is very dead man. She's very expl which is her if you know her like I know her, She's just quite friend Kim, very Kim. Moving on to her seventy two day marriage. In twenty eleven, Kim Kardashian married Chris Humphries in a wedding that cost ten million dollars. They'd been dating for seven months. I just want it on the record that she was like late twenties, which is quite late for seventy two day marriage. Wasn't it her second marriage too? Yes. Their ceremony aired on Keeping up with the Kardashians two months after the wedding, and Kim filed for divorce. The very same month. When she filed for divorce citing irreconcilable differences, Chris said publicly that he wasn't done fighting for their real life relationship. Then he tried to claim there was fraud involved because she had signed they had done a prenup saying anything she earned during the course of their marriage was hers, and so he was like, this is all a setup to make money. But it ended up they just filed irreconcilable differences. There was no truth to the fraud claims. Wait, so was there an annulment? No, okay, they couldn't be. They made about eighteen million dollars for their wedding with me, they made a profit. Yeah, so that was an eight million dollar profit, So well done, great business. She Avril Levine was in attendance as a guest. Okay, didn't know they were friends? And yeah I didn't not? Are they maybe not? What do they talk about other than again two thousand and three. I think a lot of Kin's relationships were based on that big year for us. Also, Serena Williams was there. Okay, I looked out the guest list. Yeah, you have four hundred people, four hundred and fifty closest friends and family. Well, I did think, how do you spend ten million? There you go? Four hundred four They also had I listened to someone who was called wedding expert talking about their wedding saying they had a like a ten tier cake that was based off will and okay, oh, how did cookies in it? Or something? Lovely? She was describing the cookie. Well, I'm Salivatingians know how to do a cake. They do. My favorite thing about this whole moment, though, chocolate chip. Sorry, I wrote it down. Chocolate Chip Frosting was the episode of The Kardashians when Kim and Chris Jenna were in Dubai and they had a conversation about Kim feeling funny about her husband. I've always loved this moment because Chris was like, are you excited to get home to your hobby? And Kim was like eh, and Chris was like, well, and then Kim said, not really. I don't know. I can't really explain it. I feel a sense of relief that I'm here, and basically, Mum, I didn't want to tell you about it, but I'm breaking out there's something in my relationship that isn't right. And she's like, oh, but do you think that's normal? And Chris her quote is no, Kim is not normal. It really isn't normal to feel like you don't want to go home to your brand new husband. I remember watching that and thinking we've all been there. Yeah, we've all been overseas and gone, oh no, I enjoy being away more than with that person, and I've realized it and I'm gonna have to break up with them. The difference is we didn't have a ten million dollar wedding. That's some passing. Yeah, And she says that, yeah, it was a fuss. It was a pig fuss. She says she didn't feel like she could back out, and she didn't feel like she could break up with someone or say no. And I just think there really is a common thread here in not saying no when we should have said no. And it's jam is the song. It's a disaster movie and it's Chris Humphreys. Moving on to animal welfare, my favorite topic. Last year, Kim adopted a bearded dragon for North Jesse. Thanks, Mom, Jesse. The only time the entire episode. I'm going to show you some photos of the pet. I mean, I know who they named Speed, and you're gonna tell me how dragon you think it's going for Speed? Just describe what you see in those photos. M Okay, this is like when I put a T shirt on my dog and my partner gets me in trouble because he says, this is more for you than her. Okay. Speed is wrapped in either a matching dressing gown to North or potentially just the same dressing gown skims. It's custom made. Okay, it's custom made skims. For speed. So Speed looks tightly wrapped up, a little too tight. I don't think speed, given that Speed is a reptile and we know that they have been evolving for a long time, I don't think speed needs jump up. Speed is warm enough. Do you notice anything else? Do you notice that it looks press something strange on Speed's head? I thought that was just part of being a dragon. No, that is it's like a red that's a jewelweling speeding speed. Now people got really upset. They said, stop dressing him. They actually breathed through their skin, so it's like putting like an actual something over someone's mouth. Yeah. Yeah, an expert said, bearded dragons make excellent pets for children, provided they get the right case. This is a problem with the internet. If you post anything, there's going to be someone who knows more about bearded dragons than you, and you're doing it wrong. As they are cold blooded, they need to warm their bodies by basking under specialist reptile heat lamps, not by wearing designer clothing that feels like a dig. So when that happened the bearded dragon controversy, and everyone said, Kim, no, honey, let's take the skims off. Let's take the jewel off. Also, Speed belongs in a different climate. Speed belongs in Central Australia. Don't all our pets belong in different place? Yes, But when that happened, everybody said, Kim, this isn't the first time with the internet. It remembers because they remembered Susie. Okay, because Kim, she adopts Susie and Kim was Kim posted on her blog. She had a blog at the time saying we got a monkey. People were really angry because Susie was not a monkey. Sussie was a chimp and they're different. I went back and watched Animal people are very I just love Susie. Poor Chris is in her house and they bring Susie over the sisters and she keeps laughing and being like, Susie has a dia baron. Chris is like, you guys, why is they're a monkey in the house again, Susie is not a monkey. Susie keeps stealing everyone's Ephie's Jesse. Here some photos of Susie. You're going to need to tell me what she screen grabs from YouTube. So Susie is being fed with a spoon Susie is having her nappy changed on the floor, Susie is making a salad, and Susie is in bed next to Chris playing with her hair. She's patting her to sleep. Okay, Susie's patting Chris janitousleep. So that is what I have the first half of this episode. There's more about animal welfare that you missed. Was it the time that Kim rode the elephant in Indonesia? Yeah, I did have that, and I arbitrary to remove it, but I do want to bring it up because we know a little bit about Americans and elephants, don't we. We do. We had our own incidents. So what happened with Kim was she posted a throwback to going, oh I miss the elephant at the elephant sanctuary, and Sweetie, that that the vibe that ain't a sanctuary for that elephant. It was her and Kanye And then they're like padding an elephant's bald head or something and just hanging out with elephants, and all these people were like, Kim, it's just not the dumb thing. You and I went to Thailand years ago and we went to a elephant sanctuary on the internet, and which why are we opening ourselves up? Okay, we didn't ride them. We researched it and I said it was elephants sanctuary. So we went. We sat down. We went, oh, we're going to watch some elephants be washed. Yeah, how beautiful, lovely, a little little massage. No, the elephants were dancing to a song. Claire, what was the song? Cha, la la la la. And they were doing a little four step little dance. They were swaying. And then there was another elephant in the corner who I think they called Picasso, who was painting a tree. And I said, quite audibly, this is discussing we're leaving, okay, because I can see the scars on the elephant from when they've been injured, when they weren't tri la la la laing as you wanted them to. And an American was sitting behind us, sitting behind us, tapped me on the shoulder and said, they wouldn't do it if they didn't want to. And from then on, every time we think about an animal doing something it clearly does not want to do, we think, oh, you know, they wouldn't do it if that animal did not spontaneously start dancing to that and get rewarded, and it didn't spontaneously paint that picture. No, and Kim, why we don't go and ride the elephant? I think Kim thinks that. Kim's like, well, it wouldn't let me ride it if it didn't want me to. It wouldn't paint a picture if it wasn't feeling as by it. Jesse, that's all we've got time for on part one. It was rogue. It was rogue. And now we're moving on to more the post Kanye era in part two, so we'll be talking about photoshop failures. You should work your lazy the Marilyn Monroe dress, canundra oh, the Allure interview with us so much, so much, very excited to listen to part two on Kim Kardashian. That episode is called Kim Photoshop to seven year old Kardashian. You can do that right now. You can click the link in our show notes. You can also listen to episode on Kanye because yeah, that exists too, just scroll through. We'll also have a link in our show notes that episode all about Kanye. So much has happened with Kim that we seriously might need a part three. I know, I know, and we will be back next week.