Kevin and Harley tell tales of running from the Los Angeles fires. Plus: Bad Bunny Billy’s gotta have it!
Welcome friends, beardless to thank you to beardless dickless me.
I'm Kevin Smith and I'm Harley Quinn Smith.
And as you can hear by our voices, we're still here, kids.
We're alive.
Yeah, we're alive. So much to tell you, so many stories about fleeing the flames. But first I want to share what I did today. What you do, can't share it, okay, secret, But it's been a top secret week so far. I've done two things I'm not allowed to talk about yet, but when they happen, they will be very public and people will be like, wow's going on in any event? In any event, I went to do a voiceover gig today, Not like you know, fucking I'm a puffy gat or something like that. It was for a game, Like last week, I did a voiceover gig and I could talk about it for a pinball machine.
Stern freaking random and cool.
Crazy Stern Pinball makes. They're making a Dungeons and Dragons game, and so they were like, do you want to do voice and I.
Was like, yea, may I ask a question that Gerard is also doing one is the same game?
Turns out, so it's made world.
In one pinball machine.
My dad in Gerard, Isn't that crazy?
Michael dorn is a voice? Who is the other one? Oh? Gary Gygax's kid, like what it's got a big vocal cast, and it was, you know, it was like when I got there, I was like, should I be? Do you want me to be? That's lucky If you hear that.
Crunch munch and lucky, he's being lucky. He's eating a fucking little fucking loud Yeah.
It's and it's Berry's ring because you can see you in the corner, like when next to the snoopy. So I wanted to do this gig to record today. When I recorded the Stern pinball gig, it was standard, you know, here's a microphone hanging in front of you and stuff, and it was something like one thousand lines twelve hundred lines. Oh my god, I know it's like you guys know I don't really talk for.
A living waits you said twelve thousand lines.
Which when you're doing that meant twelve hundred. When you're doing that, twelve I was like, when you're doing that, you're not doing like multiple takes. Like in the beginning, I started doing like two takes and they're like, you know what, honestly, like, unless we correct you, these are wonders.
And I was like done and done, Well, you really went through twelve hundred lines though.
Yeah it took like I don't know, an hour or something like that. Noah, Wow, Jay's got a gig coming up where he's got more than that. I think, Yeah, it was crazy.
It's a lot of lines.
But so it happens like when you play the game, like if you hit a thing, you'll hear about fucker. But like we gotta go.
Who knew there were so many noises that a pinball machine made.
Modern day pinball games have like video and shit like that, and also like their bells and whistles are phenomenal. So that was last week. So today I recorded a similar thing, but not for a pinball game, for a video game. And this is what I want to get to. So I get into the room is a standard room where you do adr or fucking record something, and there's no microphone. I'm standing at the thing and I'm talking, looking at the screen and talking to people because they're like not in the same place, and uh, the guy comes up to me and he's like, can you put this hat on. I put the hat on over my hat, and I just have two microphones right here.
That's free fire.
This is me not talking to you, talking to Will Wilkins, Will our sound guy.
Yeah, I know, like berdie like I farted, no, Will.
That's what we need for this fucking room, bro, that's what you mean. We put the little like you know, fucking beanies and you put them on, and they got microphones right here your hands for you ain't thinking about this, not ain't in your fucking face.
Oh my god, we need that.
I was. I was the discovery of the day man. So anyway, I have to get that out because I asked him. I was like, is that, like, where do you buy that? And the guy's like, it's just two microphones that we all crow to like a can kill.
That's innovative as hell, you know what I'm saying. That's pretty cool.
And you know they're doing high end recording. They're not doing long conversations mind you right, they're doing line at a time. But still, like I.
Thought you were about to tell me that you were asked to do motion capture.
They put me, they put me in a mo cap suit and I was like, I'm sorry, I never talked.
Oh.
Also, one of the latest reviews for our show, someone said, uh that my laugh was hard on the ears.
Your laugh, Yeah, it's hard on the ears, and.
I don't and I don't disagree, and my laughs, my laugh's pretty weird. But now every time I laugh, I'm.
Like, I don't think when I think of the things.
About someone's ears.
When people are like, what's the five most fucked up things about your kid?
She got a weird voice, she got a weird laugh.
Laugh doesn't occurred to me.
Why why, wait, wait, what are the other things list?
We'll get to it. Laugh would never be on. I don't think you're laughing.
Do you love me and you're used to my voice? I love you make funnel my voice.
I make funny voice because I know you're very sensitive about it.
But makes sense as to why you would, of course, because I'm sensitive, so kind let me.
So, I'm coming home from the fucking gig today, which like was very fast, and I go to the Ralphs by Nana Pops and I grab some Beyonburgers and whatnot, and then I I'm low on gas, so I go to the gas station right across from the Roufs, right next door to Nana Pops, right next door to the seven eleven to get my gas. I've done this before at that round Ralph scams. There's another place across the street about eighty cents more. Ralph's giving you a deal. I'm scared found out why why? So I put the you know, fucking nozzle in, yeah, and do the thing where you click, you know, so you can walk away, not walk away, but so you don't have to hold And I just hung up with you. Remember you were like, how are each from? It's my castle? And I was like, random question, why you kick mannequin blussy? See? So I had hung up with you. Put the thing in, did the you know lock things so that you know, I'm not holding on to this fucking filthy guess handle, and you know, I was pretty empty, so I was watching it tick up and to fill this fucker out here. You know, if you're looking at least one hundred bucks for full tank, because gas is like four point fifty and it's a big guess goes one fucking car, so I was expecting it to easily go to one hundred. And I'm looking at it as I getting a ninety two, and all of a sudden, I get the sensation of like, do I hear water running? And I look over and gas is shooting from the nozzle and the top of the tent.
The clicker, oh, which is supposed to go off once it hits, did not go off, and was geysering gasoline from the car, but also in two streams out the side.
In this fucking economy, in this.
In this fire, That's what I mean.
So, oh my god, now I'm like, what do I fucking do? So I got to get past the stream of gasoline to click the thing and pull it off, and what does it do? Hits me fucking right in the face. I got hit with a stream of gasoline in the face. Luckily, instantly those my eyes captain fucking closed. You know, I was able to click the thing off, so at least it wasn't firing gas everywhere. Remembered while I was cleaning my car that I had just.
I'm still living it right, I was with you there.
I remembered I had just thrown out like a can and I saw that there was a half empty bottle of water, so instantly fished around for that grab that flushed my fucking eyes and face. It was all over my coat. I got bringing to the cleaners. I was sopping ship off with my fuck and you know that that gas station isn't like well attended, and plus with the gas in my face, the last thing I was thinking about was like, you, sir, I've a broken gas pump. Like I was like, oh my god, I get to get the ship out of my face. Called Nanopop because they were right there. So I was like, oh my god, I'll be able to run to Nanopop's Nanipop word the doctors. So I'm driving home with this fucking burning even though I'd fucking blown water into my face, it's still like, you know, there's a layer of fucking gas on me and whatnot. And so I'm driving home and I call your mom and your mom my wife. I called Jennifer, and I go, hey, man, I just like I got blasted in the face with gas. But I called Byron. I guess just like go to the doctors. I was like, can you lock up the dogs? And I'm gonna when I'm coming in hot man, and I'm gonna go right into the fucking shower and shit. So I got home, got upstairs, to the shower and got inside and washed like all the gasoline off me.
Wait, so you drove with gasoline in your eyes?
As I mean, I don't know that it was in my eyes because I closed my eyes hard before the gas hit me when it hit like the top of my head closed, and then when it sprayed my eyes they were still closed. Then I took the plastic water bottle and doused my eyes so that would clear, and then took my sweatshirt and like fucking dried my eyes so that I could open them enough to do whatever because I was literally and also mind you. You know, Los Angeles is a big city like any other big city, and they're all types of people that congregate in the big city. And as we've seen by the news reports, when people are at a disadvantage, there will be people that take advantage of them. So the whole time this is happening, I'm like, anyone could easily fucking grab my car right now because my eyes are fucking shut tight. I'm doing all this blind shit. I don't even know where my wallet is at this point. Oh so I got that done as well. At the same time, I'm like, fuck, I gotta get in this car and move before somebody fucking takes my fucking car. And then I'm like, oh, I watch a lot of videos online where that happened to.
Yeah, it was.
It was scary. It was so strange. But and I did feel as I was driving back, it's about five six minute drive from like the rafts to to where we live, like I felt burning, not like ah, but I felt like something on my skin. I mean, it's fucking gasoline patrolling.
That's so scary. Did anybody ever see If.
They did, I didn't see it. Nobody was at the pump opposite me. Nobody was like, oh my god, are you okay? Or whatever the fuck? Like, and nobody came from outside the routs.
How much was spewing out? Like was it all over the.
Floor, on the ground, yeah, like it was coming out in Yeah, but it's a gas station. There's always gas, but fucked up.
Well you know what this means.
Lawsuit my own Rautsch.
Sue Ralph's immediately Ralphs.
And the commercial will be like, come to kids, have able to save you food And all you hear is.
Yeah, beyond burgers and thats because I have the weirdest appt in the world.
Uncanny impression at the level of the great rich little teas.
Buts don't make sense.
Why you know, Philip Seymour Hoffman won an oscar for doing less with Truman Capodi, You, my friend, have nailed the soul, the essence that is Kevin Smith.
But Keps would really only have beyond burgers, peanut butter pretzels, hummus. But would you make your own hummus?
I would have to carry chickpeas. Chickpeas, they would carry the right you, Keps, You're right, I would.
This is all you give it.
All this bullshit. First thing to go liquor? What is this doing in the food stores? This the ship out of here?
First thing in weedy?
Where's all the what goes better together than weed and food? And Hi, welcome cat, Look SMITTI and son fucking dick. Let's we're full of good ideas.
And good news. Everybody. Them shirts are on them, What are they coming? They're coming, They're coming.
You know who ain't going to be coming anymore? Before we dive into the fires, And as you can hear by our voices, clearly, yeah we're okay. We were deeply impacted by the fires. But we'll talk about them at that moment. Harley, as you might remember from the last episode, was interested in rescuing a bunny named Billy. She did rescue the bunny name Billy. Billy has joined the family.
And Billy is evil.
In what way does Billy's evil manifest is evil like Damion? Like all for you, Harley, And he pushes a cat off with a new serm neck.
Holy, No, he's he kind of is no.
Heunny what it sounds like. He's John Holmes buddy bunny. He's Johnny wad buddy.
He he really does.
There's no way to address that one.
There's there's There's really nothing I can say about that except for it. It is true.
You don't have a lot of animal cock experience do no particularly? None of God is a father. I can tell people comfortably when I'm at the golf club. My daughter doesn't have a lot of animal cock interactivity. I don't know about you guys, but.
Some other guys like, oh really because of mine? Yes, Unfortunately, I have seen Billy's penis.
Sidebar your honor. I've heard you discussed this for the last two.
Days both It really impacted me.
Yeah, oh, clearly, I never, that's not what I want to talk about that. We'll get back to your trauma in a second. More importantly, what's with using the term penis.
For a rabbit? What am I going to say?
Like? What's the diff do you call? Did you say? Do you use the term penis to Austin?
No? But for animal? It seems like.
He's got a heart. What would you refer to his heart? His beating soul, soul blanket, like it's his heart, Like that's.
His himpenie weenie.
I tell you, as disturbing as you find him humping everything, I find it equally disturbing.
Whenever you're like his penis was extracted, I laid eyes on what I think is the heartiest rabbit Pi.
No, you don't sound that good. It sounds like back up from the mike.
Penis just caught his dick.
Billy's pinacle winicle.
Look used for over thirty years. If you want to make up words about dicks, and I'm comfortable with that, just don't use penis panopolis. Just call it his little carrot stick, his pinacle wincle, his carrot stick, his little billy, his billy club. And he's willed and his Billy.
Got I picked him U it was so bad, checked me out because.
Trying to hunt my cat.
He won't stop trying to hunt my cats.
Has he discovered you yet? No, Like you're the lady that saved me. Why, hello, I have a gift for you.
My name is Billy.
Does he hump super fast? Yeah, like a bunny does. Yeah, he's just doing what comes natural the bunnies. He's like, I'm trying to multiply. I'm a mathematician.
But Billy, we got him just in the nick of time, right before. If we waited, even like twelve hours, we wouldn't have Billy because Billy was at a home that was evacuated.
Are you serious? Yeah, Billy came from the one of the fires. Yeah, that's right. He went where'd you go?
Right by the getty? So Billy and Billy was living outside, so Billy would have been inhaling.
So it was perhaps so intentionally a true rescue.
Not to brag, but I could have saved Billy's life, that's right.
And has Billy Pelly back Billy all he wants to do is fuck yeah, all he wants and Dan Dane.
So there's this one type of poop that rabbits poop that they eat there's and then they eat it all their ship. No, there's a.
There's a some ship. Some little round pellets that we all know rabbit pellets.
Yeah no, and those do not smell unless you like get up close than they smell, But you can't really smell though.
Need to itch my nose with my need to do.
A bump of coke. Damn, I need to bring over more next time I get my nails done. For those who aren't watching, my fake nail still lives in here.
That's right, kids, you could watch what are you listening for? Man, you'd be looking at beard listeners for Yeah, Harley, do you prefer watchers or listeners?
Probably watchers? I don't know, because my voice is pretty weird on its own.
That's what. Do you think They're gonna turn the sound down and just look at you fucking act like billy Like I hope are you shooting billy humping things for Instagram? Oh?
I'm pulling him off of the things and then that's the but.
Before you pull them off, get a few seconds. People like that kind of thing that was.
Fucked up, like there was a.
Video of a dog humping a Kermit the Frog, which like played the internet for twenty years an unbeatable classic.
I remember that.
Yes, So if you got fucking Billy humping up, what did you say something?
Oh bro?
That was going every Disney channel, every Disney TikToker will be like, that's how I feel about you, or two that's how you lost his tail? He got sucked by Billy's what likes to hump?
Or I hate it?
Please rather the stuff you like?
Please?
Yeah, it's okay. I guess I'm just gonna get humped again and sad better fucking fluffy or then the cats who are like.
Uh, hang on, he's going to peen in.
May whipping nick own wielding.
In like a whipping.
Us in se as a whooper.
He has tried to well, someone had something to say.
He uh the county heard from.
He has tried to hump move he's my I hate it. I hate it. I don't hate Billy, I just sate was malurges. He also should be mentioned I was not aware.
Not neutered, not neutered, also not house trained, correct like bo box.
Trained as well.
He's shipping all over the joints. Did you finish telling the two different types of ship story. Now, so there's the ship that don't smell, but we all know what it looks like. Yes, Then there's a more ship.
Yes, and it's mushy and it smells bad. But you don't with cinnamon. I never smelt it because she ate it.
But Billy's Billy's deal.
There's nutrients in it. I don't know it has a name, but I don't want to mispronounce it. So because it matters so hard so much, it's called like celia tropes or something like that.
Look, I just got hit in the eyes of the gas today, and that's.
Should you go to the doctor?
No, but I probably like I remember when I was cooking Bamberger's earlier, I was like, maybe I shouldn't be this close to the flame.
Stop too soon? Too soon?
Well, I did have gasoline.
That's true.
Too soon true.
Speaking of Yeah, let's talk about the fires.
Yeah, we won't talk about it too much because I Harley has start panicking.
Yeah, Harley has seems to have some serious trauma in regards to it.
I did see my mountain in flames, Yeah.
Where Harley lives. I too would call it mountain. Most people call it hills. We got a hill right near us where we live. We live near run in camp. Please they know, everybody, please please, I'm not giving them a dress. But Harley lives someplace else, but also like in a hill and dale affair like us. So when she evacuated, she looked back and saw not her house on fire, No, nowhere near her house on fire. I'm so lucky, but where, you know, dangerously uncomfortably.
I stepped outside of my house and I saw the mountain in flames, and that is something I will never forget. It was the most terrifying thing I've ever experienced. I have never it was. It was pretty undescribable.
I am. I also saw a wall of flame as we left, Like you know, of course, naturally when the fires broke out. California, kids, we get fires. That happens, but we get them generally, like in Malibu and stuff like that. But a few years ago there's a horrible one, the campfire Paradise. But California, being a desert is the worst.
Being dry Los Angeles I think.
Certainly the most lost. Like right now we're up to thirty five billion in loss, but the campfire still remains. Apparently the worst fire in California history. I think the last I heard this, we were this current fires at number four. So it you know it. It burns out here from time to time. Where it burned this time was different than where it's ever burned before. And as you've seen, catastrophic damage, and this was not because of anything remotely resembling California was out of water. California fucking didn't sign some non existent fucking water agreement. California was trying to save fucking fish. It really comes down to one thing. Fires happened, and sometimes we get the Santa Ana winds, and if those things ever cross, that's dangerous. The sant Ana winds are very powerful. They come in fucking yearly, and everyone talks about him here like it's the Oscars, because it's so rare to get fucking weather like that, to get wind even out here. So whether the fire was started by somebody or an accident, they're still looking into that, whether it was power lines, whether somebody said it, if it's an arsonist, fucking fuck you to death. But the the the the this time, the weather, the sant Anna, which were not just the standards.
San Ana win ninety mile per hour winds bro before we looked down the window that morning, and that was before the fires even began, I remember, and it was like.
You'd never seen it. It was like the trees were going fucking to the side.
I talked to Mom and I was like, isn't it so ominous out today?
Before the fuck before the fire?
Yeah, because it was just so strange.
It was. That's what a lot of people were talking about, like on the news out here and stuff like, man, these winds, the record winds and stuff. So the fires I know again, like I've I, like everyone out in California, We've been I've been waking up and doom scrolling all day long, Yeah, looking for fucking where is it? Where is it happening? Do we have to evacuate again? Is it near? People? Like friends of mine Adam Brody lost his house, Fucking Haley Joel Osmond lost his house. John Goodman lost his house. So you know it's you. You tend to doom scroll through the news, and this fucking disinformation age we live in is no help because you have people literally out there feeding bullshit and.
Line do you see the fucking Hollywood sign? Like why just why why are you doing that, Like.
Why because a lot of people don't like this place. A lot of people like feel this is like you know, liberal bastion, liberal haven and stuff and uh and also like Hollywood full of like fucking evil petos and all that nonsense and ship. I saw a fucking like story online where it wasn't even online. It was a fucking TikTok where they're like, this is actual recording between fire departments, and it was like, you know, the fucking one voice at the depart at the stations on another fire age like you gotta go here. So it's like head up to the getty, blah blah blah. They talk about the game at the museum. But then the other voice comes on and he goes, look, I don't know if I'm gonna do that. He's gone, I got houses here. I'm much rather like people live in these things, so I'm staying with the houses and I'm not doing a justice. But the guy's point was like, I'm not taking the truck all the way to the Getty to save a bunch of pieces of artwork when I have people's homes that they live in right here, and when do that? But then someone like that's the conversation, and you can don't know, ain't ways to extrapolate that.
Was it real the conversation?
Who fucking knows? Because the text that they wrote on it was like, this supports the theory that their secret pedo tunnels under the getty And it's like, what how do you make that fucking leap? Oh, goddamn states burning. People are losing their fucking lives and you got people states away, countries away, make it up fucking bullshit just for sports. It's fucking sickness.
It's so crazy because the fires really brought out the absolute best in a lot of people, like the the way that the city has come together is so so touchingly beautiful, but it has also brought out the absolute fucking worst, and some heinous motherfuckers.
Tried to politicize it instantly, people try to take advantage with looting.
Oh my god, the best, the the amount of people it brought the best out of is definitely overpowering from over the over the people that took it for the worst. But it's it's crazy. Some people are really just pad pieces of people.
Yeah, and some people are absolute angels, like every firefighter who has you know, La FD firefighters that came from Oregon, from Mexico, from with those fucking water planes, man, because that's what saved Riss. I'm right over here, man. What happened was on that windy day, and that's really all came down to. Kids. Don't believe a fucking thing you read online about somebody being like this is mayor Karen Maassel's vault or the fucking fire cheap, like it doesn't matter. There's a fucking reservoir that sits up at the top at in the palis Palisades that's been empty for a year because it's been under repairs. And I watched the news report where you know, naturally everyone's like, why I was a fuck kind of thing empty? It's a conspiracy. They were like, the things getting repaired, it's been fucking empty for a year. And even if we had it, they were like, that doesn't change what happened. Again, strictly comes down to horrendous fucking winds that if you have any small fire and you got embers and you got winds like that guy on news out here is like fucking lava, bro, just like moving lava, and you could watch it. We watched it happen in real fucking time.
Is worth saying that the city did cut the budget for the l A f D. Just it's it's pretty fucked It is just worth saying.
I don't I don't know that, but I know what, I don't know that that's true. I don't know that that's true right now.
I know before like now.
But even yeah, not now.
I did see the fire chief.
Yeah, Chris, I'm not going to but she, like.
You know, she can fucking throw the city under the bus. She was we are under understaffed. Yeah, we're under resourced, and blah blah blah.
Sir Crowley I think is her name.
Regardless you could have had you know, they have we have all the water in the fucking world and there's no water. People are like, well, howcome the water wasn't coming out of the fucking fire plugs and shit, it's because so much fucking water has been used to fight the fire that the depleted source. How fucking gravity operates water in our world is something that seems to elude a lot of fucking people. But when you have a water tower, water pressure that feeds into your pipes and shit like that is pressure sounded like fucking like it doesn't plug into something, and that pressure is based on gravity in a water tower that pushes the water down and stuff. As the water gets used and the water in the water tower gets depleted, the pressure isn't going to be as intense. You need to refill the tower, which they were doing. And that's why the fucking like some of the plugs they plug into and there was no water pressure coming out of it. But online they just turn it into like the worst fucking like you know, well, this is because they're trying to burn all the p Diddy evidence.
Yeah, there was a lot of.
Shit, Like I was never so happy, like for not not just to be alive and not just because like wow, our house didn't burn, but there are so many people like online who were like, you know, fucking this is God's punishment. Of course God is burning Hollywood.
There's so many people it's so when Hollywood.
Didn't burn, like I'm just using their logic, Does that not mean that God loves Hollywood? Because God saved Hollywood?
I mean, this situation did make me rethink a little bit about my.
Thoughts on call.
Is that right?
I got it?
I gotta be honest, you find a little religion in the heat of the fire.
I don't know, but when I when I left fire in this.
World and nearly as hot as fire on the next.
Okay, well, when I left my house, yes, I never thought I was going to see it again. Same and I never thought I was going to see this house again. Same, and I thought it it was all over. I had my forecats in my car, Billy was in Austin's car, MoU was shitting in the card Moo was taking a ship on top of everything in the car. It was awful, but that was the most terrifying moment in my life. And I genuinely feel beyond blessed. I'll say the word blessed. Didn't used to say the word blessed, but like I feel, it's it's a fucking miracle. And I feel so so heartbroken for the people who aren't as lucky as us. I feel so heartbroken, but I'm also just my heart is so warm to see how the city has come together at the same time truly to be there for their neighbors. It's really beautiful because especially because everybody's always like people in La fucking suck, and they like the people online being like, yeah, the people in KNOWL I fucking deserved it, and it's like, no, the people in LA. Yeah, there are shitty people everywhere, but then there are there's the majority of LA who's all coming together right now to be there for their neighbors. So I don't know, it's it's very heartwarming to see.
It was by the time we got the evact notice because again we have fires out here. This situation was exacerbated by a factor of like a hundred by the high winds. Excuse me, but there was no throughout most of the day, even when the fires broke out, there was no sense of like, what we're next, because nothing ever really goes on fire around here. And then it happened. Then all of a sudden, my god, we were sitting there watching TV and there was like a report of a Running Yeah fire. And we live right next to Running Canyon. That's where I go Hiken almost every day with the dogs. So you know, Jennifer was already kind of like in heightened awareness mode. And she had already earlier in the day been like we should pack things, and I was like, really, she's like just in case. So I had some stuff packed and then all of a sudden, we got hit with the e back notice and so we went out and so we had to move the two dogs and the what bags we brought. It's crazy the things you bring.
I didn't even I brought my laptops.
Yeah, because I knew, like I brought a bunch of jackets. I brought my silent Bob outfit.
I heard you ran back into the house when the silent up.
Is that true? I'll tell me the story.
WHOA, I'm keeping my phone on just in case, because I'm still pretty on edge.
We uh, we went downstairs and like trying to load the dog and the crap into the car, and you know, she was trying to get into my car, and I was like, take your car. We're heading over to the valley over the broning gales, and Harley was leaving her place, so you know, Jen She's trying to get my car, is like, no, don't leave your car here to burn, Like we're gonna need to car. Take your car. So she got in her car and like took the fuck off.
I couldn't even see. I didn't even have my fucking glasses on, and I was just fucking.
I. I got the dogs in the car, got everything else in the car, then went back in and grabbed a few more things. But the soundaboub goes already packed.
I didn't even pack any clothes or anything. I just packed because.
I didn't we had enough time. It wasn't like, oh my god, like we had hours. So when Jennifer was like, I'm packing things, I was like, really, maybe I should as well, just in case. But to be fair, I am always packed, like I'm always traveling, so my bag is always kind of packed with like I pull clothes out of my open suitcase all the time rather than put them back in the closet unless I know I'm gonna be home for like a month straight. So my shit was already kind of packed. But when I got in the car, she had already left. It's a good look at the house. Drove away, got up to where Penny Marshall's house is, and I saw two cars stopped and people out of their cars looking backwards from where I came. So I was like, well, shit, I got to see what it is, and I stopped. I pulled over and I took a picture and put up online. And that's when I saw the wall of flame. Coming up over the top of Runion, like because it was nighttime and so you could see the fucking fire. And at that point I was like, well, well, this house is going to burn into the ground. We're done. And I had to peace of everything in the house going away and ship, which honestly I got to pretty quickly. I was like, oh my god. I was like, you know what, I've had that shit for like fifty four years, like, and sometimes it's been in storage and sometimes it's been here. But whatever, nothing lasts forever. Interestingly, I brought my father's ashes, which I thought was so weird because I'm like, let me save these ashes from all the ashes, did you Yeah?
I didn't pack any clothes. I just packed a bag with important things like cinnamons, ashes, pictures like my pills, my journals and stuff like that.
So you just brought some journals and stuff.
Yeah, but I didn't pack any clothes. Oh, I'm starting to get really emotional.
I had to pack clothes because like, I got a weird body. I can't just buy off the rack.
You don't have a weird punch.
So it's like, like, what am I going to leave my jorts behind? A way.
Been collecting those.
I brought two pair of sneaker, but not because I'm like, these are my favorites, just because it was like, you know, I got as many paramid as we'll bring to my dad's ashes. I thought was the weirdest thing I brought. And I still can't explain that because yeah, but he's already.
Yeah, but that's that's like that makes total sense.
What was the weirdest thing that you brought? You think.
The weirdest thing when I when I repacked the second time, like after we got to come back because we stayed at a hotel for a night with the forecats and the Billy.
And it's like a new place to hump billy.
Billy was on such a fucking wild ride for like seventy two. He came from from bel Air, then he got got to my place, then he got to the fucking best Western in Studio City. Was so pissed afe adventure, but he's like, live a dick.
Out life kid.
We also had to sneak all the animals into the hotel because.
What they don't take cats and rabbits. No, we got a room at the same hotel, but the dogs were never going to be welcomed. So we were going to have to bring the sneak to dogs in. Yeah, But once we dropped off, we dropped off stuff at Nanna Pops and then we checked in the hotel and and like put some of our bags there. But then I didn't like want to bring try to bring the dogs in the hotel and I wasn't ready to, you know, I was completely unsettled. You know, for all, I knew our home was burning down. So I was like, look, I'm gonna drive. I can't. I'm going to try to get as close to see what's going on and stuff. So she was like, I'm not going back in the evaccident, and I was like, all right, we'll stay here because they didn't technically evacuate us at that point, like the evacuation was for Running canyon, which.
We have a lot of thoughts on this canyon. We're all sick and that's all that matters, but I thoughts on that.
I I drove back and when and this is mind you. An hour after we left, and my and we have cameras on the house. So I was pulling open my phone to see I thought I was going to watch the house burn down. On the cameras until the cameras popped. So I looked at the cameras and there was no sign of fire anywhere, not even in the distance in the background of the shot. So I drove back and I was able to get to the house. The neighborhood wasn't shut down or anything like that, and our neighbors who lived next door to us, we're still here, and uh, they were like, did you guys leave? And I was like, yeah, you're like, we're gonna stay, and like it's out already, and it was the fire, like that wall of flame that was there was no longer there. Then what had happened was it was fucking Canadian Canadair seaplanes. God bless them. They did fifteen drops in fifteen minutes. Damn just drowned it on running and that you know, don't get me wrong. Firefighters everywhere trying to fucking kill all the fires.
Yeah, but I mean the water drops are the.
Water drops does all. But like, if you didn't get this running fire, you would have there's a chance that goes down to Hollywood, like yeah, Groman's like literally when people think of Holly the Walk of all that shit, because as we saw in Palisades like it's eaten half of town. I think they said, like over fifty percent of Palisades gone.
You want to hear something harrowing?
Yes, I mean not really, but not really.
But so remember my friend from high school, Talia Goodman, maybe her dad David Goodman music. No, Talia was a good friend of mine in high school, and her dad, David Goodman, he worked for a family guy.
Oh that's right.
Yeah, yeah, so he wrote he wrote a piece I think in like in some newspaper, I can't remember which one, because their house burned down, and in it he writes about how they evacuated and he was like, but nothing's gonna happen, nothing's gonna happen. But then he got a fucking notification on his phone that his smoke alarm was going off. And that's how he like discovered that. Yeah. Can you just like even imagine how fucking scary that was. Yeah, to know, like, oh my god, my fucking house is burning.
That's what I was I was waiting for. I was watching on my phone and the cameras. I was like, Okay, they'll hit the side of the house first and it's coming down the hill. But then it wasn't happening. I was like, flames. I don't even see a glow.
So many people have video.
Well like ring cameras and video of their homes burning.
Oh god, I'm getting I'm getting worked on them.
Got mother was profoundly affected as well. Oddly enough, I'm.
Not you were not.
I've dealt with my shock in a different way. Malcolm found it adorable After the fire, and we got home for some reason for the next like two three days, which is so strange because we I'd just gone through this thing where I was like everything I own is probably burned to the ground. But when we got home for the next three days, all I did was go on eBay and buy Bullwinkle things.
I got a text for some reason one of your credit cards is connected to my number, and I got a text being like did you try to buy something on eBay? And I was like, no, do that. And then I got a call being like a from the credit card company being like, we need to reach Kevin Smith and I was like, oh, he's buying stuff on eBay.
I see.
I felt like you know that. I bounced back pretty quickly, but I guess you know that that was my way of dealing with it in a weird way.
We were really interesting during the fires. I would say it was just really to witness everybody's individual response to the fire, Like Austin's response was chaos when we left the house. For they there is one in every relationship. It feels like when he fucking left the house when we were watching the TV and saw the Runion fire, which is also fucking crazy because we were because we had the TV on. That's how we found out. But we didn't get the note of a cation to evacuate till fifteen fucking minutes later, which fifteen minutes makes me makes a big fucking difference. But anyways, the posters on my wall, the Disney posters, my precious, precious Disney posters, This fucking man was like a tornado of chaos and fucking was just like wiping shit off the wall, like he was running so fast, Like they were.
All fucking crooked. When we came home, they were all like tilted off the fucking wall. Because she was literally the Tasmanian double and he already kind of is in real life all the time, and in an emergency, it's like that on fucking crack and the fucking night stands. He just like wiped off to the ground, like it just made no fucking sense.
It was such gang os and I was trying. I just became numb inside, like I didn't really My first response was just like absolute numbness. Driving away with the four cats in the car, seeing the fire was just felt I just felt dead inside. But then I wouldn't leave my house for a week.
Yeah, your ear trauma came afterwards.
And then yesterday when I did leave my house to come record, I immediately started panicking upon driving out of my neighborhood.
And when you got here, you were like a panic as well.
Yeah, yeah, I didn't.
I didn't have that.
You didn't have that. And you also were like a little nonchalant during the fires.
Dare I say, I would.
Say, a little aloof ter.
I was kind of like, what the.
Fuck was how I dealt with loss? I was like, wow, everything I own, everything I worked for. I mean that house, you know. I was like, fuck, where are we going to live? And then I was like, well, we own a movie theater. We can go live over that.
For a while, you were pretty fucking nonchalant and a loop that.
Comes from honestly, that comes from my life on the road and the job.
Well, didn't you also like lose a lot during a flood.
I've already been through some shit, like for example, yes, when we were kids. When I was a kid, the right before we shot clerks, were supposed to start shooting clerks in December of ninety two, but the Nor'easter happened right out after Mama Lely's birthday and we got flooded, and so yeah, I dealt with like losing everything so to speak. Yeah, and then when this house flooded, Oh, we were just pressed about that as well. It helps to be nimble and be able to pivot and stuff. But like, but there's also a part of me that is like, hey man, you got fucking you got it better than you deserve for a long long time. Like I always feel like, you know, I had it for a long time. Like we've been in this house for like twenty two years, and so if it all went away, I was like, I mean, I'll miss it, but like, oh my god, like I know exactly what life at Labrasa was like, and hopefully, you know, as long as we're alive. Then the adventure keeps going and stuff. But yeah, I was oddly aloofter in the whole thing, not like this isn't happening. I wasn't like the people all know it was building the boat, going like what are you doing? This is not right? But I was kind of like, you know, it's almost the same mindset when I'm at the airport and they're like whoor. I'm like, you're going to miss the flight, and like, all right, well if I do miss the flight, like I've lived through enough things to know this, as long as you're alive, story keeps going.
I agree with that sentiment. Although I did not appreciate you going back into the neighborhood while the fire was still going.
I really did not. Well, it wasn't though. I went back to the neighborhood and there was no fire, like that's the only reason I could go back, Otherwise they wouldn't even let me near the place. I thought I was going to be across the highway looking because when we when I left, not just our neighborhood, but when I got over to Barm and I was taking that side wrote the side street up to Barm and sure I looked back and there was a wall of flame in the sky with bunch of smoke. So I was like, our house is definitely fucking lost. So once we went to Nan and Pomps and we were there for a while like outside you know, seven eleven parking lot, and then once we checked in it's the hotel and all that. It had been an hour and change. So that's when I drove back. And I only drove back because I was like, there's no fire on the cameras. And by the time I drove back to the neighborhood, so an hour and change after we evacuated, they had put out the running fire like it was impressive, especially considering sadly that was not the case in the Palisades or an Alta Tina, poor Altadina. Then to where are the milk comes from? Is it? It's altered ina milk? All the milk comes from around here. It's like where the milk comes from? Yeah, man, it was. I didn't go back into a fire zone. I wouldn't have done that because I thought I was going to go close and just see it from afar. But then when I got back to where I left and I was like, wait, the flames aren't there.
I wasn't ecstatic about the behavior, but anyways.
Well I went and that's when I went back into the house because there was no fire anywhere, and our neighbors are still on their porch watching.
Them from the fucking Best Western. To be like, why don't you come down to our room? And you were like, oh, I'm at the house, and I was like, are you fucking kidding me?
Well, I grabbed a few more things. I was like, so there's because I'm looking there's no fire, and I'm like, all right, so there's time to grab more shit. Yeah.
The Best Western had like the original Dog most groove.
Yes with that trip, I was like, all right, well, we got Dogma coming up this year. I need the script and.
It was in my room with the fucking Forecats, and the wrapping in the original Dog was script and like.
Billy's trying to hump it, very cummy script, Bunny Kenny. Script. Can't open the pages.
Because it's disgusting.
And then I came back and your mom was like, well, I don't want to just sit around if you're going to drive around and drive around with you too, And I was like all right, but I'm probably driving back to the to the house and she's going, we can't and I was like, I was just there and there's no fire.
So we went back mom and I disagreed whatsoever.
And that's when we saw the police officer who was like, we said, hey, what's the word and he said, well, we didn't see him because he had a light flashing in our face, but he sounded very nice. But he's like, they put the running fire out very fast. He's going, so everyone's gonna be coming home either tonight or tomorrow morning. I was like, get out of here. That's amazing. And he's the one that told us about fifteen drops in fifteen minutes then, and he said, looters, he's going they're starting to head up into the hills. So that's why we're patrolling.
And I imagining that horrible of a human being absolutely what I.
Do there, but for the grace of God go I. But if I was somebody that didn't have any means whatsoever and whatnot, and I was in desperate situation.
Someone who's already losing everything.
I'm not believing. I'm not condoning what the I'm just saying, like fucking I'm trying not to be judging there but for the grace of God go I perhaps they're in a desperate situation. Who knows why somebody would make such a hainus decision. But yes, there's some people who think, like, you know, fuck, now's my time, opportunistic. I mean, bro, I watch a lot of them YouTube videos. There are people that like will die in the street and people take their phones off them as they're dying. Like there's a harsh world out there. So I don't you know, I'm not like go looters, but I'm like, you know, all right, Unfortunately I'm I'm just a bleeding hard, fucking liberal.
I yes, people are in need. However, no one should ever take advantage of someone in ever but already in.
A disaster, I agree to believe me, I'm not condoning. But like I'm.
Also like, yes, you just feel you feel for everybody. Yes, we understand.
It's very tough to judge people when like you're in a position where like that would not be. Yes, like my life and there, yes it's not never would be, but yes, but yes, bad to be like all right, man, let's make the move and really good, particularly because like cops are treating that very seriously, like there's somebody. They just arrested a couple of kids who like two hundred thousand dollars in like clothing, jewelry watchers.
One hundred thousand dollars, but.
They're in the video. They got them, so they arrest them, and they're they're prosecuting hardcore.
They have also gotten people who have fucking set fires themselves.
They caught a few, yes, Like, it's just I don't know the fuck is wrong with people.
I Like I said, it brought out the fires, brought out the best in some people and community and coming together, but it also did, unfortunately, shine a light upon the fact that there are some true demons walking on this fucking nerds like the truth. It's crazy.
Double ain't in the Bible. Kids. He's live well, walking them.
Streets fucking out here.
But I don't think he's lighting fires. I think when all of a sudden done, we're going to find out it wasn't Arson. I think it was like Jane Jordan in their neighborhood. The winds were so high blew a tree into a transformer hanging out on one of the pole electric poles utility poles business blew up, killed fucking power in the neighborhood. So Jay and Jordan had to evacuate not because of the fires, but because they had no fucking power. Yeah, so I think it could have been something like that, high winds, fucking hitting a converter or whatever the fuck. But the high winds is what fucking spread it.
I don't I'm not trying to speculate. Yeah, but some of the because there were so many. Obviously the biggest fires are the Eating fire and the Palisades fire. They're fucking massive and nobody knows how they started. But there were a ton of other little fucking fires. The Hollywood one was was gonna be fucking big. But then like remember the Studio City one.
Yeah, those are embers, Those are traveling embers. I don't think that's people, if.
You again, I'm not trying to speculators, Yeah, I don't.
That's that.
The Hollywood one, Studio City one, We're mighty close they were, but that would.
Track for flying embers, well, not close enough for that.
It was a straight shoot from one to the other. But I don't want to I'm just saying it does. Many fires don't happens. That many fires don't happen just because of winds, is all I'm saying.
Well, now you sound like the internet. That's not can happen because of winds and embers.
I let's just see how things unfold with investigations and stuff. But there are some bad fucking people out there.
Well we can't end on that.
Okay, Well let's talk about.
Let's end on this note you know what here.
But then there are also some amazing, wonderful.
People covered that. Yes, you guys, do something funny before we send them off on their way everyone else. But this has become far too existential.
I'm sorry you wanted to talk about the fire.
Well the fire.
The fire is a serious fucking subject.
Let's go back to the bunny's car, all right.
So it's really weird looking and looks like an inform Yeah, it's awful. It sticks out so much.
It's horrible. Ay man, check this out.
God, it's so bad. I hate it.
Is it clothing?
Here?
Is just me? Oh, Billy, put it away?
I hate it so much.
Well, it's a good thing that you rescued that bunny. Yeah, you guys, he'll live the fuck another day. Don't matter if it's living or dead, it doesn't matter.
Just you.
It was like, please, what the fuck.
Old by him doing it again? Bobby, I'm all sticky. No no no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no. Well did you bring the girl bunny backie bunnies? Bunny?
I should have known from him being a boy like that's that's their reputation, the reputation of of boy rabbits, of rabbits comes from boy rabbits.
Oh yeah, is that yeah? Of course, yeah, of.
Course that's not like the girl rabbits are not trying to get it on like the guys.
Well, Sinny wasn't because she was fixed.
Sinn I hated other rabbits.
True, but what you don't know is you've never had an un that's true, fixed girl rabbits, and for all you know, they're total fucking sluts.
Hey hey, hey, hey hey Bunny, Hey.
I am following me on that Instagram private account?
God, how dare you? How dare you? Wait?
Did we already?
Did we already talk about how how Billy's voice is no longer? Hello, my name is Billy.
Got a different voice. But people can learn about that if they go switch over to the after show.
Oh so true, so true.
We're gonna wrap things up but yeah, there's a whole fucking other billy story to fucking tell. Man, We're gonna tell it at Beardless, Stickless Plus, available only at that Kevin Smith Club. If you want to watch this show, or you want to see this show that you just heard, or the show that we do after the after show where the real truth, where we let our hair down and say how we really feed, that's at that Kevinsmith club dot com. That's where we're going now because we're leaving. Got the fuck out of here this version of the show. Bye. We say by heart to iHeart, and now we head over to that Kevin Smith Club. Do you have a good time, kids? I know I did. Silence, thanks for hanging out with me and the kid who's getting ever closer to making T shirts.
And also, our hearts go out to everybody who's been affected by.
The fire absolutely and are an undying gratitude to every damn firefighter who's out there trying to fucking tame this beast from hell.
All the gratitude in the world for firefighters, amen, Thank you, and first responders and all the wonderful humans who have come together to be there for the community.
We love you. California.
Yeah, we love you.
There it is kids. There's your beardless dickless me for this week. Man. If you go over to Beardless Stickless, Plush will tell you about the T shirts for beardless Dickless.
Ma'am Kevin Smith and I'm Harley Quinn Smith.
Go have yourselves a beardless.
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