Bananas - Funny news from around the world with Scotty Landes and Kurt Braunohler
Hey, ban animals, We have a fantastic episode for you today. But before you get to it, I just wanted to let you know about a late added show in Austin, Texas August seventh. That's very very soon Stateside at the Paramount Theater, So please come on out August seventh in Austin, Texas.
This replaces the Brian Texas show.
It's just never happened anyway, guys, see you in Austin and enjoy this episode. It's fantastic.
Well, Kurt Brown older, do you want to hear a very banana story?
Oh, just as I took a sip of sweet sweet water, I'm back on the water train, folks. I'm digging it. I'm drinking as much water as I want.
I don't care, and I'm here to hear a great title. Scottie give it to me.
Newspaper congratulates man for pleasing fifteen women for an entire day, leaving them exhausted and satisfied.
What I don't even instead?
All right, that is that's gotta be bananas.
Do world on its head?
Would you?
Sillian pieces bananas?
Banana ba ba bananas.
Banana Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the silliest little strange news podcast there ever once was Bananas. I am Kurt Brown Oler.
I am Banana Boy number two. Scottie Landa is coming to you live from Los Angeles. We're hanging out. It's beautiful day. It's a solo EPP. It's a solo EPI and we love the mmmmmm.
And just a reminder to everybody, Uh, if you're in Los Angeles, I am performing my hour of stand up and then I'm going to be recording later in August August eleventh at the Dynasty Typewriter and of course August fifth, sixth seventh, Lafayette, Louisiana, UH, Houston, Texas, and Brian Texas. All of those tickets are available at the instagram of the Bananas Podcast. Please go and click on it and come see me.
Did you set up our link tree? I'm not good at this. I sure did a job, boy. I love it. I clicking on every link.
I love link tree. I was like, I was like it also, it never occurred to me. I was always just frustrated. I was like, you can only list one thing at a time and then but never my brain never made the step to someone should make a thing where there's just one link and then a bunch of links. Man link Tree, whoever did it? You're a genius. I don't know how genus money. I don't know how you make money.
Me neither. And yeah, our solo epps. A lot of banannimals call in text in say they love when it's just you and me. I have some dream guests that I hope we have on because I like talking to guests. Simone Biles, Olympia Olympian, the best gymnast of an American in all Olympic history. She's incredible.
Yes, let's get her.
Let's get her. We tried to get her last year. Then they canceled the Olympics and everybody was like, I think all the Olympians are very up.
Pretty bummed out. They're not gonna want to goof around.
And we were like, makes sense. I also want to get Soladad O'Brien.
Oh, that would be amazing. Yes, she would trying. We've been trying.
If anybody knows good old Solodad, let her know. The Banana boys want to give her a break from all that hard hitting journalism.
And I think I'm gonna finally, I'm going to finally pull my card, Scottie. Okay, I'm going to finally, I'm going to pull my card and get Charlie's thrown and see if she'll come on the show.
Now, you rode on her movie, that's why you know her.
Yes, I wrote on her movie and longsv Yes, since we spent many months together. But again that was years ago. I have seen her since and she's always very warm and welcoming love. I don't know if she wants to do podcasts right now, but you know what, I'm gonna try, because if you don't take your shot, what do you got?
What do you got?
It's not like you're writing a movie for her right now. And then you ask her and she goes, this guy is a royal boob and then just cancels that script. Deal, You're fine, it's a podcast will take an hour plus. She seems like a very cool person.
She's cool. She is so cool that one will.
Turn into real Beavis and butt heads. We'll just because it's so like Fury wrote, how your arm's missing? Was that need?
Or was did you remove your arm?
I'll give you this story. Buddy. Newspaper congratulates man for pleasing fifteen women for an entire day, leaving them exhausted and satisfied.
I mean, this is it is purposefully misleading. I feel Scottie correct.
It's by Emma Gray on the Huffington Post. I love the way she writes she might be the best in the business. And Mavis underscore the underscore Fox, Mayvis the Fox, and Mabus the Fox. Thank you, She's doing such a great job, Mayvis. George brown Ridge must have some serious skills. Why else would a newspaper have printed the following statement thanking him for quote pleasing fifteen women for an entire day exclamation point the man good writing there. The man even made these fifteen women, Oh Emma Gray, Oh HuffPo. The man even made these fifteen women exhausted and very satisfied. Good work, George. At some point the newspaper staff must have realized that people were interpreting the above clip in a sexual manner.
Yeah you think, Yeah, this is amazing.
I'm gonna say right off the bat, this is amazing that this many sentences can be said about the title title not give any information other than what's in the title.
It's beautiful, actually, and because there really.
Isn't a whole lot to this. It does explain what it is. But at some point, oh the above clip and sexual manner, because they issued a follow up apology for the quote inappropriate innuendos. It turns out that mister Brownridge was simply arranging a group shopping trip of around the holidays, not arranging multiple orgasms. Says Emma Gray for Rumffington Post. Oh, so this guy just drove around a lot of older people to take He took fifteen women shopping for an entire day and they were very happy and they were super satisfied.
Also, I would like to sign up for this job. This sounds delightful. This sounds delightful driving ladies around so that they can get their holiday shopping done if they probably probably can't drive anymore, or something like that, they want to get their grant kits.
I love this guy. I love it.
It's also the fact that it's all grandma's is weird that they had to make it sexy.
Do you know what kids?
Excase you knew what they were doing, they all these whenever these are like oops, you always know it's some intern trying to get trying to get those clicks. You got to get those clicks. I love it. I think one of the low points of my life. And Kurt, you do know this story was I was living in New York and I was temping, and it was around Christmas, and I used to work for Staffing by Suzanne. Did you ever work with them?
No, but I do. I did work for a staffing agency, just a different one.
Yeah, if you're a bananimal and you live in the Five Boroughs in Manhattan and you need job, and I'm sure they're still in business. Staffing by Suzanne got me through some very lean times and they're extremely nice, and I tempt one of the reasons it seems like I've had fifty different jobs in my life is because of Staffing by Suzanne. So one of these jobs, I got a call and they, Okay, Scotty, we don't have like an office thing for you, but we are sending out all of our holiday gifts to all of our clients and all the people we staff with. Would you mind delivering them. We'll pay you whatever they used to pay me. And I said absolutely. And so it's snowing and I put on a jacket and my jeans and my gloves and I go up to Midtown Manhattan. Go up, and my cousin Emon, who is a director and an actor, is wrapping the gifts. So our family is kicking some serious butt at this point, two college degrees worth hundreds of thousands of dollars and one guy's wrapping Christmas gifts and I'm running them. So I do this for three days straight. I go up and I get these bags, these gift bags, and I carry about five in each hand. They all have addresses on it all over the city. I'm riding the subway up and down. It's exhausting, but hey, it's a job. I needed the mulah. And on the third day, it starts snowing and it's that wet snow and it's just so nasty and my shoes are soaked. I didn't even have to goot boots. Oh yeah.
It's like, because you're in New York City, you don't think like, oh, I need winter boots at any point, so he just don't have them. And then it's just like it's insane because you' just not prepared for the weather.
When it happens, it's such a bummer.
It was probably December twenty second I knew I was going to have to ride the Chinatown bus down to Baltimore. Wasn't really looking forward to that at like seven or eight pm, and so I'm standing on the corner of like Park Avenue in somewhere in the sixties, and I put down the bags and I'm exhausted, and I kind of looked down at my shoes, and I was in my mid to late twenties, and I'm just like, oh, I'm a loser man. Like I'm like, this sucks. This sucks so hard that I'm that I have to do this to make rent and buy family Christmas gifts. And at that exact moment, I look to my left and there's a black suv. It's a suburban, and in the passenger seat is Matt Damon, and Matt Damon is looking directly at me, and I looked directly at him, and I mean we are five feet apart, making hard eye contact. He's shooting a born identity movie, I would later find out, and all I can think to do is I just raise one very proud thumbs up, and he looks at me and he smiles and he gives me a huge thumbs up, and then like as he's nodding to be like, we're all gonna make it. It just light turns green suburban rockets across Park Avenue and I just picked up the bags and I felt like a gust of wind in my sails. If Matt Damon can cheer me on in my pieces shit delivery job, anybody can. And it was like, to this day, I've never been in a room with Matt Damon since. If I ever am, I'm gonna walk right up to him. I'm gonna say, I'm gonna tell him the story, and I'm gonna say, do you remember just some sad sack of shit giving you a thumbs up on Christmas? And if he's like yes, I'm gonna hug him, and I'm gonna be like, you are the greatest living American actor. Sorry, Frank Pin.
I one hundred percent expected after the thumbs up to it hit a big puddle and some sleety ice water over you, and then somebody in the background just goes.
Welcome the new yawn.
Yeah, well, pick up my sad bags with fake candles in it. They were led candles, is what I was delivering at one of my low points. But there's always hope. Guys never give up. All the way there. Matt Damon could pull up next to you at any intersection in life. So get rid of your thoughts ready. I worked for I see, here's it here. I worked for Access Staffing. That's the name of the staffing agents I worked for. But I didn't get staffed by Access Staffing.
I worked at Access Staffing, So I worked at the staffing agency right fixing people's computers. I did that for eight years. I had no computer skills, and to this day I still do not have any computer skills.
Wow.
And it speaks volumes about how bad every single human being at Access Staffing, how bad they were at computers.
What they hired an English major.
Previous was previous experience was being in a television production company to then be there the it guy, and I worked there for eight fucking years. I wrote scripts. I wrote full scripts at one point, and it was amazing because they were so lenient with me.
And I don't know why.
I was just like, hey, guys, I feel like I should make my office in the computer room.
You there one time, one time I came in that server room.
Oh, and it's like a hot room. It's like pleasant to be in. But for me, I just didn't want to be out on the floor. I now had like a little I could.
Close the door.
I would close the door, lock the door, put cardboard down, and then just go to sleep if I was particularly one of the great joys, one of the great joys of having a closed door. I mean, sure, it was a computer room, and if the air conditioning stopped for three seconds, it became five hundred degrees in there, but no one could see me, like writing scripts and stuff in the fucking computer room.
It was full. I loved it. I didn't want to talk to anybody.
I was the classic computer guy being annoyed every time you called. And I apologized to everyone for being that guy. But I hated my job and I hated my life at that time.
So and you quit it and started stand up like back to You took the risk. You said I might not do this, and that there's a cross there's a crossroads that I think all people who pursue the arts. You either go I'm going to stay comfortable, or you quit your access staffing job. For me, it was turning down that big red bull promotion, which you actually gave me the definitive advice on and then all of a sudden, you just grind a little harder, and you work a little harder, and you make it somehow. You make it so for all our budding bananamal artists or later in life bananamal artists get out, you know. Sometimes swing for the fences. Give it a whirl, do it, try it, do it. The worst thing that can happen is you're just back to where you started. Yeah, that's fine, all right.
Are you ready for something?
Oh?
I would love one, Scottie. This story.
Okay, this is unlike any story that's been on bananas yet it is.
I'm fascinated by it. I have no story.
Connected to it because it is so unique and strange and unsolved, unsolved.
I'm giving you an unresolved story here, all right.
Okay.
This was sent in by Taraness, the only person who sent this in. One of this is from uh is Publishing medium and the title was written by Nicole Henley BitB published in March seventh of twenty nineteen, and I looked it up. All of this is true. New York Times covered a bunch of different places covered the medium. This medium article, I think does a great job explaining it. The title is, Yes, the blobs that fell from the sky.
Huh, here we go.
I'm gonna have to write a bit.
That was it. I thought it found it. I thought there's a semicolon comma.
No, it is the blobs that fell from the sky.
On August eleventh, nineteen ninety four, a rainstorm unlike any other descended upon the city of Oakville, Washington, with a population of seven hundred and twenty three. So we're in the middle of nowhere here unleashing not rain drops, but rather these mysteriously translucent and gelatinous blobs.
Wow.
The blob rain reportedly came down in torrents and covered as much as twenty square miles. Anyone within the vicinity of the strange rain came down with severe flu like symptoms. A police officer, David Lacey, was on patrol with a civilian friend when the blobs began raining down at three in the morning. Quote, we turned on our windshield wipers and it just started smearing to the point where we could not see. We both looked at each other and we said, Jesus, this isn't right. I mean, we're out in the middle of nowhere basically, and where did this come from.
Guy's very succinct. He's saying exactly what I would say, Where the heck did these come from?
So meanwhile, the blobs fell from the sky elsewhere roughly half the grains of rice at the farm home of Sunny Barclift. Shortly afterwards, Barcleft's mother, Dottie Hearn, was hospitalized for dizziness and nausea. Barclift herself, as well as a friend, also experienced minor episodes of fatigue and nausea after handling the blobs themselves. What yeah, And despite this, the doctor retreated Barcliff's mother. Doctor David Little expressed his doubt that these blobs were the cause of the symptoms. Instead, they could have resulted from an interior condition whatever he says. Okay, Overall, I'm skipping around in the article. Overall, the blobs rained down on Oakville six times in three weeks. According to some sources, dozens of people got sick. Moreover, several dogs and cats died after coming into contact with it. Wow, okay, so we got a mystery on our hands. Nineteen ninety four. Unsolved Mysteries actually did a huge piece on this.
In the late nineties.
I was such a great showback then. Boy, it's scared the pant. When I was a kid, that show scared me to Robert Stack. I think it was the host coming out of the smoke in the trench coat, so creepy, right.
It was like a black room and a smoke machine, and he just came out with a trench coat.
And in the nineties you could just do.
That's all you needed. And you're just like, I'm in what is this television? I'm yes, wow, okay, six times okay.
In one attenest. So this is there's a lot of stuff here.
In one attempt to identify the substance, the blobs were reported to contain human white blood cells. Upon further investigation by the Washington State Department of Ecologies Hazardous Material Spill Response Unit, these cells from the blobs were also found to have no nuclei.
So a bunch of theories are out there.
One theory is that the military was doing bombing in the Pacific Ocean and they hid a huge thing of jellyfish and that up into the atmosphere and then rained down on these people.
But that does not seeks.
That does not explain any of the illnesses or the cats and dogs dying. Okay, so most people do not believe that theory.
Uh.
The next theory that was proposed by doctor Little. This dude, doctor Little sucks. He says the blobs were results of concentrated fluid race from a passing airplane toilet. But immediately in my mind, I was like, no, because all airplane toilet waste is colored blue. And that's what the FAA said in nineteen ninety four. You just had those chemical toilets, you flesh them, the blue stuff.
Would go down.
Sound fun?
And now here it is. This is the this is the main main thing.
So this this, this person essentially takes them, takes the samples, and this is like a very very long uh you.
Know, hurt.
She got sick, her mom got sick, her kitten died, so she took to her samples.
Yes, uh, she says.
I was concerned about the material and spoke with doctor Kobayashi at the Washington State Health Laboratory.
Okay, crazy, this sounds legit.
Yeah.
He advised me to send a sample of the material mail to Sample of Washington State Health Lab which was assigned where it was assigned to Mike McDowell, who was an epidemiologist on staff. Mike initially set up the gel. Set the gel up on bacterial media to see if it would grow anything. It grew two types of bacteria, and then it names the bacteria.
I don't know what, Okay.
At some point he drew the conclusion this is just some guy who works at the Washington State Health Lab, that the material itself was man made and was being used as a matrix i e. A vehicle capable of transporting a virus or a bacteria. Oh yes, he's crazy, right. And he reported his findings to a supervisor. And this is where it gets to the point where you're like, what are we Is this real?
All right?
Uh?
When he returned to the lab at some point he discovered the substance was missing. Again, he reported this to a supervisor and was advised at that point to not ask questions. Mike is retired now and still does occasional interviews regarding this subject and this woman. Where it's I trust his judgment and his findings, as he was a credible expert in the field. Yeah, he was interviewed by National Geographic. He went on the record with National Geographic.
Love Them, Love that magazine as a kid. Used to look at it all the time. Blew my mind.
I loved it as a kid. It was really fascinating.
I kind of want to like resubscribe and kind of get it again. But basically, have you the Washington Department of Health guy, he believes that it was a exercise conducted by the military for bio a bioweapon.
Oh how sweet is that? Well, I'm going to go in with them. I mean, whatever they say. Whenever those conspiracy things, everybody sounds insane for fifty years and then they go, no, that is what it was. Sorry, I know.
That's the crazy part, you know what I mean. I mean.
And also, now that we've lived through the Great Choir, I believe anything. I honestly will believe anything at this point because we've seen the craziest.
This town needs to buy into the blob. They need to what's the name of the town at the top. They need to have the blob bar. They need to have Yeah, they need to have blob B and B. They need to have everything blob related like Roswell owns Area fifty four fifty one, whatever the hell it is. They need banana phone swinging, do it on the air. Let's do it. Let's do it here, theananaphone, the siscotti.
Really, I'm in Massachusetts. I just wanted to let you know that I've called once before. But I'm an EMT and I just finished I finished field training a bit ago and it was horrible, and you guys got me through it a lot. And I listen to you guys when I'm working listening you guys when I get home after a bad day.
It's really really great to laugh.
Well, yeah it is. And your name's Lily and you're EMT. Yeah, yeah, Lily, I'm gonna tell you a big, a big surprise. I'm so glad you called back a secon time. You are currently Kurt and I are recording a solo episode and you're on speakerphone so we can hear what you're saying. Can we use you on the podcast?
Absolutely? I love you guys so much.
Well, we love you too. Where are you an EMT?
I am an EMT on Cape Cod in Massachusetts.
Heard of it?
I do.
I always laugh at the name Sandwich. They named that town Sandwich, And then in Sandwich there's a town there's a road called House Road. I'm like, did they let a three year old name this entire area. Let's go to you sandwich and let's park on House.
Road road here.
My favorite road here is called stub Toe Road.
Stub Toe Road. That's pretty damn good. Stup Uh, Lily, we love you, thanks so much for colling, and thanks for being an EMT and saving lives. You kick serious banana butt.
And even though you can't hear me, thank you guys.
You got it, but you're banana the week, Lily, b.
Oh w bow wow wow wow, it's been a nice wow wow wow wow.
End of the week. Bow wow wow Wow.
Kurt's got the bow wow's going on over there. But again, yes, they need that town in Washington of seven hundred and twenty three people needs to embrace the blob. They need to have Blobfest. They need to get Blues Traveler to the headline Blobfist. I don't know why, but yeah, own the blob. Own the blob.
They did try and do this, Scottie, but it sounds like it's a The town isn't excited about it.
They tried to make it a jellyfish festival.
They tried to rename the town jellyfish and ohey fish Festival. Oh There is a drink that is that you can get only there called the jellyfish, which is vodka, gelatin and juice, which I believe that's called a jelly shot.
Yeah, it's called a jello shot. But we'll go with it.
We'll go with it. That's good.
I mean, but the Blob would be better if they had if they had just had.
Everything Blob Hotel, Blob Motel, it could be incredible. I would go. I would road trip the same way I went to Exploding Whales State.
Park in Fart.
I would go to Blob Washington and drink a flaming blob.
I mean, honestly, I would like to go. When we play Seattle, I don't know how far away Oakville is from Seattle.
Let's check it out.
Drive.
We got to drive over there and just ask, like, stop at a gas station, ask people about the Blob.
You know, maybe we'll do a record a remote episode out there. That could be very fun. When I lived in Pensacola Beach when I was nineteen, I had a female friend and we liked each other, and she was a waitress where I was a waiter. And one of the first kind of things when we realized that maybe we would date is. I was like, well, let's go out. There's this area called Port of Fmo. It's like further out on the beach where if you go far enough there are zero people, I mean zero. It's incredible. It's like the most beautiful part of Pensacle Beach. So I made it sound like I was just going out there anyways before work, and if she wanted to come, like I'd be out there around eleven or whatever. So like at like ten point thirty, I'm like speeding to get out there before her and set up towels and do all that stuff, just like super casual but super planned. And so I get out there early, nobody in sight either direction, standing in the water. I sit on this town. I look out and I see this sliver on the horizon and I'm like, what the hell is that? And I like sit up and I'm watching it, and I'm like, what the hell is this thing? And it keeps getting closer and closer and closer, and I my first thought, like the hair stood up on the back of my neck and I was like, this is a UFO. This is it. People had told me Golf Breeze was an area where you see tons of UFOs. Anyways, I'm standing there and it gets closer and it's so slow, and then right when it gets to the point, I'm like walking towards the water, and then I'm like I'm gonna run, Like I'm like, oh my god, and I'm like checking, and then I see her car pull up and like so then I'm like, well, I can't run because I'm gonna look like a total bozo idiot. So then like but I'm like backing up towards the town and then I look up and it's a stealth bomber. It was like a B whatever fifty two bomber or whatever, those big like the round ones, and it was flying very slow and I couldn't hear it, and then once it passed over me, you could hear it. Like, but I was so close to turning on my heel and sprinting away on board shorts, like getting in my Corolla and doing ninety I guess to the police.
I had no idea it was the one that would look like a triangle, like a black triangle.
No, it was the round long one from the hit movie Broken Arrow with John Travolta. I want to see it's the I'm looking.
Is it a blackbird SR seventy one blackbird?
That's a It was the Northrop Grumming B two Spirit, known as the Stealth Bomber, and it's a one hundred and seventy two feet tip to tip, and it scared me and my cool guy. I'm laying on the beach to the point where I almost ran like a child to my car.
Do you say in Northrop B seventeen.
B two, the B two two, it's a beauty. I'm gonna be glad you looked it up.
I'm looking it up. I'm excited to see what if.
Any animals out there have a B two.
It's a cool angle. It's a triangle.
Oh but there. Yeah, there's one that's like like a pyramid. This one's a little rounder. Oh wow, lit okay, but it it was like, look all the good teachable moment where I had to accept like something that I was like, I doubt that's real, and then suddenly I'm like, these things are very real. I'm going to be abducted, things are going to happen to my.
Body during and also it was it at night or during the day. It was like ten am, ten thirty am I love that you rarely hear about an alien freak out at ten thirty in the morning.
True, unless you've been up all night.
Yes, also true.
All right, Scotty teasus tease us out to a break.
Let's see. I think I have a good one here. So okay, this was from kim CB. Kim CEB, thanks for sending this in subways, tuna is not tuna but a mixture of various concoctions a lawsuit alleges. So get your five dollars. You've got a foot long of bananas coming your way.
Banasta, ladies and gentleman, Welcome back to bananas.
Scotty.
Do you have any shout outs? You got any shout outs from the banana phone, folks? The Banana phone will be around until August first, give it a call if you'd like. The number, of course, for everyone out there is two to one three two one four seventy nine seventy four.
Scottie is a.
Hero and a gentleman by continually answering this phone in til August.
First.
I tried, couldn't do it, guys. Scotty has the the stamina to do this.
It's true.
I believe in him.
I have the gift of gab. Today was one of those busy days where starting at about seven thirty am, Well, I missed like four calls in the middle of the night because the ringer was off, and then when I got up this morning it rang five times in the first hour. I was, uh, people were just pumped. I don't know if it was I don't know what was in retrograde. I don't know. Somebody's calling from New Hampshire. This is crazy. Today is one of those days. Here we go Theanana phone. This is Scotty. Hey, this is really Scotty.
Okay, sorry, we're very excited. We're super fans.
Really well, who is this.
It's Nanny and Jeff. I'm sorry.
You don't have anything to be sorry about. Your kid can buy. Oh you're gonna leave a cool message, but now you have to deal with the real deal. Banana Boy number two.
Well, that's right exactly.
Where you guys come from, Oakland, California. I've heard of it. We'll be up there. We're gonna tour this winter. I think we'll stop through the Bay Area for Shuore.
Well, unfortunately we are not there anymore because we moved into a van and drove across the country and now we're in New Hampshire.
Oh so you lied right to my face. We'll be in New Hampshire too. I'm currently recording a solo episode with Kurdi B and you're currently on speakerphone. Can we use you guys on the podcast?
Yeah, of course.
Cool.
Well, if you're living that van life, which we love, when we get East Banana Land set up, you gotta stop through. We're trying to figure out a way to get free coffee, Kurt saying yes.
Oh, absolutely absolutely. But we had one question, Frank, because I know we only have one minute. Yes, where do we stop? What is the one place that we need to go to.
In this are you're road tripping right now, Kurt, do you have a suggestion for one place to stop?
Well, October twenty third.
They could come see me at space Ballroom in Hamden, Connecticut.
Okay, Well, go see Kurt in Hamden, Connecticut at the space Ballroom on October twenty third, Is that right, Kurt? Yep, Okay, there's one for you. I stopped in at the Garden of Eden. A few people recommended it to me. It's in the middle of Lucas Kansas and it's this guy lost his mind and built this really weird thing around his house. I can't recommend it enough. It's in the middle of nowhere. There's an Airbnb across the street from it you can sleep in, So go check that out.
Okay, fantastic. I got one for you guys, if you want.
Okay, give us one.
The Spam Museum And where was that, Austin Minnesota. Austin, Minnesota. I thought it was gonna be stupid. Okay, it was amazing.
The Spam Museum in Austin, Minnesota. Getting a free plug from the bananimals. We love that they.
Will give you free samples.
Oh no, they gave us like an entire pack of like stuff. They were so excited about everything that we were doing. And we're not doing things like for plugs or anything, so you don't have to put anything. We're just excited to hear from you, guys, because we love.
Listening to you.
Thank you so much. We love you right back, Kurt says he loves you, and thanks for calling. Enjoy the Spam the rest of the road trip and go see Curtain Connecticut. Oh absolutely will see you guys. By I mean it han't been like this all day. It's we've had four calls since I've been on. I just feel bad because that one rang three times in a row.
But yeah, my goodness, the Banana Bananas, the banana phone.
Thank you for all the rating and reviews. Guys. We have best in the Business T shirts coming sometime soon. We'll be posting them and they look so good.
Yeah designed my foul Parolta, our buddy Bananamal Nick. He really did an amazing design and we're excited to and we're gonna have them on hypercolor T shirts.
Guys.
Yep, that's true. We're gonna have hypercolor Bananimal best in the Biz shirts that you can touch you. As you get hotter, they change color, So get ready for a true hot, hot hot Bananamal summer. The only other thing is I've been talking to someone Kilm Sarah. Kilm Sarah is a Bananimal and they were thinking about doing an adult te ball league, and I told them, Kurt, that we would if they called themselves the Bananimals, we would send just that team jerseys, I mean T shirts.
So oh yeah, that's cool. I'm in, I'm in, okay cool.
Yeah, you got anything else. You want to get back into this crud.
Oh yeah, I know. Let's get back into this crud. Okay, sound give it to me.
What is it? Oh yeah, okay, kim cebe. Subways sandwich is Subways tuna sandwiches, not tuna, but a mixture of various concoctions. A lawsuit of ledges. This was written by Tim Carmon for Washington Post dot Com. They give Tim the hard hitting stories because they know, from the bottom of their heart's he's the best in the business.
They just know he's gonna knock it out of the park.
When it comes to what kind of meat is on my sandwich, they turn to one man, Tim Carmon for Washingtonpost dot Com.
It's between two buns. Tim Carmon's on top of it.
Is this fish? We'll never know unless we said hard hitting Tim Carmon, he's got a nose for tuna.
Oh what's Timmy c say about this?
Subway describes its tuna sandwich as a quote freshly baked bread layered with flaked tuna, blended with creamy mayo. Oh man, doesn't even sound good the way they describe it, and topped with your choice of crisp fresh veggies. Ooh, you know that iceberg lattice at subway is just so crisp, so crisp, not rubbery at all. It's a description designed to activate the saliva glands and separate you from your money. It's also yeah, see that's why they said this guy takes no prisoners. Oh, it's also fiction, at least partially. According to a recent lawsuit filed by US District Court for Northern District of California, never heard of it, complain alleges that ingredients build as quote tuna end quote for the chains, sandwiches, and wraps contains absolutely no tuna. Only a tiny percentage of bluefin or yellowfin tuna is even farmed. The star ingredient, according to a lawsuit, is made from anything but tuna based on independent lab tests and multi samples. Yeah, fingernails, Oh god, I mean maybe you never know these days. It's a god. It's a mixture of various concoctions that do not constitute tuna, yet have been blend together by defendants to imitate the appearance of tuna, according to the complaint. Uh Shalini Dagra, one of the attorneys for the plaintiffs, declined to say what the exact ingredients are, but the lab test did reveal them, so okay, represented for Subway. The other the angel on the shoulders. The claims are without merit. The tuna sold in the chain is wild caught. The company says, uh, which is how I like that.
They're going further out. They're not. They're doubling down on that. I love that that.
It's not farmed. It's wild caught, pole caught. Each tune of each tune of fish per sich person, which said Subway right there. Okay, great, I love that.
Taught to order, absolutely caught to order. If you order a tuna's fish five dollars foot long, they send a man out in a boat with a fishing rod along Scotty.
That's ridiculous.
He's already out in the boat, but his cell phone rings and they say, we got.
Another order for a foot log pal and he's like.
Just sweating trying to pull it an eight hundred pound tuna fish to cut just a turn a piece off and then that exit on over to that subry.
People love it. It's incredible what they do. They do tons of work there. So yeah. The two plaintiffs are identified as Karen Donawa, Karen Danaua, and Nelima i'm In both residents of Alameda County in the Bay Area. But attorneys for these two said that their claim is certified as a class action, so holding on to those receipts and animals. If you've been eating tunut subway or what you thought was tunet subway, you might be getting paid probably five bucks back. But yeah, anybody that bought it after tuna sandwiches and wraps after January twenty first, twenty seventeen could be on this class action lawsuit.
I'm gonna get my dad. I'm gonna get my dad in them. My dad ate a tuna fish sandwich from subway every day for I think ten years, and he was actually saying he was proud of it. He was always like, that's why I'm so healthy. That's what he would say, because he wow not tuna. Also, I have done a deep dive on this article because I was thinking about doing it myself. I read the New York Times, so the New York Times did cover this as well. So essentially everything that they're saying is it's a lawsuit. They're alleging it. It's not been proved in court. But what the New York Times did was they went to multiple different Subway locations, bought multiple different tuna fish sandwiches, and then had them sent out to a lab that identifies different types of marine species and had all of them tested. And what they found was that none of them contained tuna DNA. That's crow but with the caveat that cooking, that cooking fish degrades its DNA to the point where oftentimes you cannot tell what fish a cooked fish is, so it could be tuna. And then there's an interview with a person who just kind of as a manager at Subway, and it's just like, look, tuna is the cheapest meat out there. Why are they if they're gonna like make a fake meat, why is it the tuna?
Tuna's cheap?
Like making that's in tuna would be even more difficult and probably caught. It would be cost prohibitive to make fake tuna. It seems sounds like it. That's wild. Well that's pretty interesting. I mean, who cares.
I don't think subway is my last fast food choice. I don't go. I fine, it's fine. I'm not chitting on it. Like if you love it, good for you. We're not We're not saying, hey, eat how you want to eat? You only go around the carousel wants if you.
If you want to go and eat a sandwich, It's basically a yoga mat wrapped up with a bunch of wood shavings flavored like tuna fish.
You go ahead and you do that.
Yeah, did you hear that? The bread?
Their bread was supposed to be mostly yoga mats, like the same chemical, and yoga mats was found in their bread.
Well okay, yeah, well so okay, Now I want to yoga mat that looks like a sandwich. I mean, now I want a hogi looking yoga mat. I used to when I was working at that bike shop. Next door was a place called the Newtown Deli. And there's this guy called and we all called him Limp Limp Jeremy because he wore a corn hat and a Limp biscuit shirt every day, like corn the band.
Oh yeahah yeah, I was imagining like a candy corn hat. And I would be like this sounds like a cool dude already. No, you would know him, Triangle, you would know him. But Limp Jeremy was our age. Went to a rival high school and so we all kind of knew each other. We'd go over to the bagel place next door, whatever, the Dailly next door and vice versa. One and so I was sort of like I was sixteen or so, probably too young to actually like legally be a manager, but I closed the shop a lot of nights. One night, Jeremy Limp Jeremy comes over and he locks the bike shop door behind him, the bike doctor's door.
He goes, who's here? Is that you and Casey? I go I already told Casey could go home and it was just me, and he's like, I need your help with something. I was like, yes, and I'm going to use a fake name for this other person because you know, it's unfair. But he goes, hey, you know you know Angie so and so right, And I go, yeah, I go to high school with her. Yeah, she's a year older than me. And he goes, well, I slept with her yesterday and I go, okay. He's like, and she has a boyfriend, right. I'm like, yeah, I think she has a boyfriend. Yeah, he's a pretty nice guy. And he goes, I need your help, dude, just don't be weird, and he goes, can I come in the bathroom with me. So we go in the back of the bike shop bathroom. This guy just walked into where I work and locked the doors. The door okay, but he was like ghost white and he's got a corn hat on, so I know he's serious. You know, he's ready for business, right a rock. And we go in and he pulls he pulls down his fly and he pull He's like, dude, look at this, and he pulls out like the middle side part of his ding dong and he goes, do you see this? And I go yes, and he goes, what do you think that is? I go it looks like a zip man, it looks like a pimple. He goes, I think it's her piece. And I go okay. I was like, I don't know. I'm sick olf. You're we're in a bike shop right now.
I'm not a doctor. Did you think it was doctor bike? Like the bike doctor?
I was a doctor.
Punch of doctors here who just like to ride bicycles.
No, yes, I'm like Dukie Halser. My name is doctor Bicycle and I've graduated from Yale at fourteen and now I work here in my thing, the bikes are just a prop. So I was like, dude, don't worry. You know me. I was like, it's gonna be fine. I was like, He's like, oh shit, man, He's like this is so bad. He's like, does she sleep with a lot of people? And I'm like, no, no, I don't think so. I think like you're the only one or whatever. I was like, did you wear economy? He's like no. I was like, this is so insite. So anyways, then at that point, I'm like, oh, yeah, he caught something. So I'm like, you're gonna be fine, man, because there's a planned parenthood in Pikesville. Go there, check it out. So the next day he comes in attitude totally different, totally different guys. So Lynch Jeremy just struts on in and he's like, he goes, dude, I showed my dick to the doctor. You know what they said. I said, what he goes, it's is it? It was just is it? And I was like, yeah, I told you, he goes. You were so cool about it. He goes, you can have free food whenever you And from then on out, for two more years, whenever he was working, I would walk behind the counter and just make full subs by myself like they didn't. I mean I probably ate. I'm not. I won't even want to exaggerate. I probably ate nine hundred dollars worth of free subs in the next eighteen months, just because this guy showed me his ding dong and I was like, chill man, you're gonna be fine. Maybe wrap it up next time. Limp, Jeremy, if you're out there, you're probably not. Actually you're probably not. Corn Olympiski your two favorite bands at sixteen. You got a hard rod to ho oh.
Man Dixit's got you free subs.
That is great.
I'll take that trade any day of the week, any day. Mike, don't send dickpics to the banana phone. I will block you.
Oh no, no, please don't, please God don't.
I'm a gentleman. Are you ready? I love the way you tell stories.
This is sent him by guess who? Just one guess Scotty.
Copyhaste cop baby boy, oh boy, I better find an Aaron Rdman one. Here here we go.
And this is I looked at. This was originally in the India Times. Then it was covered by somebody else and somebody else and somebody else. But Honestly, I tried not to go with the Vice article, but the Vice article was the best written and had the.
Best title, So okay.
A couple accidentally grew the world's most expensive mango. They've now hired three men and nine dogs to guard it. This is absolutely fascinating. Four years ago, farmer Sankalp Singh Perara traveled to the southern Indian city of Chennai in search of a hybrid coconut seeds. During the train journey, struck up a conversation with a man seat at opposite him. The man learned that Perara was a farmer. He offered to sell him a special mango sapling for essentially thirty three dollars. Out of curious curiosity, decide take a chance and buy it. So then they planted it, and then all of a sudden it grew And there is a quote from him, I grew it like an ordinary mango plant, but a few months later saw that it had developed a beautiful red color. This is insane. So apparently it is known as the egg of the Sun. It is a Japanese variety of mango.
Yeah, a mouthwatering.
And according to a local Japanese media report, a box of two Miyazaki mangos sold for half a million Japanese yen, which is four five dollars in twenty nineteen. So yeah, they have these mangos now that are just growing, and they're so expensive in Japan because they have to grow them in a a in a greenhouse, they have to like mist and everything because the Japanese. But in India they just grow naturally. And so this guy's got this cool plan where he has not sold any yet. So he had like one fruiting tree and he took all the seeds and he's planned like one hundred and fifty more. And his plan is to like essentially just introduce this what used to be a rare mango. Apparently the flesh is red and it's like hyper sweet and you can eat the you can eat the rind of it as well, which would be amazing to eat a red mango and you could eat the rind, just eat it like a fucking apple. Yes, and so yeah, so this guy, but you know, people are of course trying to steal it, so he has all these guards and everything. This is like the cursed gift, you know, like this is what would be a great one for Bridger gift or curse to get the most special mango seed ever?
Yeah, and how much was one? Or was it for the case you said the number?
It's two the case of two four five hundred dollars, so each one was worth two thousand, two hundred and fifty bucks for one mango for one man man.
I mean, I guess a mangoes are pretty damn good, but I don't know if I would pay two grand for a mango. I'm trying to think what the most expensive meal I've ever had is? What's themealia? I can't think of, Like, sometimes you get dropped one where like I definitely there were definitely some night bar tabs in Manhattan that would get dropped and it would be like five or six of us that would be well over one thousand dollars and you would just like die, Oh you and I got stuck with one once.
When where when we won't name names.
Did we already talk about this? But when we bought Christen a birthday dinner once.
And it was just like, yeah, we're all just drinking and eating for hours, and then the check came and the person who had the most amount of money was by far the most.
I had just an appetizer, so.
I had broken. Yeah, I left twenty bucks and Kurt and I I went to the ATM and I was like, oh my gosh for our friend's birthday. So we were like, we got to cover this. And I think I took out like one hundred and eighty dollars because I think I had one hundred and ninety dollars. And I was like so angry because I had ordered intentionally like a beer and a burger to keep it cheap. And then I'm over here going like, oh god, I yeah, that's.
Not for me.
Man, A two thousand dollars mango, I think I would graciously pass. I think a one tastes great. They do.
They taste really good, Like I can't even imagine. Yeah, I'm trying to think, what's like the most expensive meal I ever had?
I think I know what it was.
It was.
I went to Paris in my twenties with my then girlfriend for her birthday. What a romantic I don't think we were like it wasn't like we're going there for your birthday. We were like kind of there during that time because it was her birthday was in the spring. But then I was like, I'm gonna take you out for your for your birthday. And we went to a place in Paris, I think it was called Ettelier and it there was a it was like you know, prefixed menu. You just like sat down, they just fed you. Yeah, and then we also got the wine pairing as well. Oh like that's wow, they get six we were like twenty six or something. Also not drinking a ton of wine. Yeah, And I remember I remember being pretty with it for like half the meal where it was like the amazing like these amazingly crazy French creations and just being like, oh, this is delicious and amazing.
And then it just like just starts to get blurry. And then we ended the night.
Across the street from the restaurant there was a park. We just sat down on a park bench and both passed out in the park, amazing right after eating. It was supposed to be like the best meal in Paris or whatever, and just it just fucking knocked us on our ass.
So there's two wine drunks asleep on a bench, just.
A sleep on a bench.
That's kind of real. I kind of like it. That is kind of romantic. How many people have you married? You're you're a minister. You got to ordained or you wereordained yourself. How many of you?
I ordained myself when I was eighteen years old and back then, and you would have to send five dollars and a postcard to the Universal Life Church and then they would like mail you back a certificate to eight weeks and no, like now everyone's a minister.
But back then it was like, oh, it's a unique thing. And uh yeah, no.
I've married seven I think seven couples and only one. All of them were close friends. All of them except for one, are still together. But I did marry some strangers and it was and that was it was terrible and I and I and I won't do it anymore. I won't marry it.
I'm done. My marrying days are much.
Pressure's too much. It's too much pressure. I do it for my very close, close friends. But it's like it's it's more nerve wracking than doing a show. It's just like terrify just like you fuck up a show, you fuck up a show wedding like it's their one wedding maybe you know, for their life.
So I found it too stressful.
Got it? The reason I ask is because of this story. I think we're gonna end with a kind of sweet one. I think you're gonna like this one, all right. You have a good soft heart about these sorts of things. This was sent in by Moby Underscore Dickens a while back. Sorry, Moby, it took me a little bit of time to get here, Moby Dickens Dickens.
With a y.
Let's do it. Alzheimer's patient asks wife to marry him after falling in love with her for a second time.
Huh oh wow.
This was written by Ida Siegel for Nbcnewyork dot Com. Quote. He leaned in and whispered in my ear, thank you for staying, Lisa said, through tears. A Connecticut couple got to say I do for a second time in an emotional ceremony. The groom may never remember, but the bride will never forget. Good writing. IDAs, Yes, Yes, Idam really is the best in the byss. It's a love story that romance movies aspired to. Alzheimer's disease has stolen most of Peter Marshall's memories, but one thing he hasn't forgotten is how much he loves his wife. Even if he doesn't recall her name. Peter and his wife Lisa have been married for twelve years, but with Peter fifty six, battling fifty six is really young, battling onset Alzheimer's that he was diagnosed with a few years ago, and he doesn't remember their wedding happening. He just knows that he loves her. So last December, Peter had a sudden moment of clarity. The couple were watching a wedding on TV and he turned to her and said, quote, let's do it. Lisa didn't know how to respond. I said do what she said. And he pointed to the TV the scene of the wedding and said, do you want to get married? And he said yes, and he had this huge grin on his face. Lisa said, he doesn't know that I'm his wife. I'm just his favorite person. Peter got to fall in love all over again, and he chose Lisa again. Quote I'm the luckiest girl in the world. I get to do it twice, said Lisa, wiping a tear from her eye. Her daughter is a wedding and event planning an event planner, and she put out the word and countless vendors off their services for free, which is very beautiful. Can thank you to all those wonderful vendors. It was so perfect. I couldn't have dreamt for a better day. It was so magical. I can't remember seeing him so happy for such a long time. He was just so happy. But Peter's illness has been getting worse, sadly, so he no longer remembers the Valvenule ceremony just a couple of months ago. But he does remember a woman loves him and cherishes him. And he leaned in my ear and whispered, thank you for staying, Lisa said, through tears. That's very beautiful story, well written. Ida.
Also, how wonderful to have a confirmation that you made the right choice in a person.
Do you know what I mean?
Like that?
That it wasn't just a circumstantial It wasn't just of the place he was in that time in his life.
It is just like a true, a true and.
Pure love yep.
At irrupts even without the context of their lives.
That's amazing.
Yeah, it's a pretty one. That was a pretty bananas. We don't always get pretty bananas on this, but that one, to me, I was like, boy, that is that is another level of romance. It's incredible.
It's really it's it's very much like a it's very much like a time traveling romance.
That's what. I'm surprised you're still upright. I'm surprised you're not on the floor with your puffs.
Plus, I had to keep it together. I had to be like, I have to talk soon.
I can't break down now. And if any of our bananimals haven't gone and listened to Scattered, Chris Garcia, the great comedian, are our great friend who we love so much. Chris Garcia is this incredible podcast called Scattered. Karen Kilgarriff does the after show or after special, the one after Chris's story is told about his relationship with his father and his battle with Alzheimer's and getting the ashes. His father's a Cuban immigrant, getting them back to I cannot recommend it enough. I cried so hard listening to I texted Chris and I was like, I'm driving to Palm Springs and crying my eyes out listening to you. And then when Karen comes on and does her part. Now it's two of my friends going through this. It was like the hardest I've cried in my adult life was it was so beautiful, so scattered, wanted to give him a plug. But yeah, how beautiful is that?
That's beautiful?
My goodness, it is Uh, it is terrifying, and it's terrifying and dark often growing older.
But to know that there is a there's moments of light. Absolutely is a is A is a comfort.
True beauty. You know, it's dark and crappy as the world can be sometimes, Boy, when it's good, it's so good. It is so beautiful.
It's so good it makes you forget about the bad. And that's why we keep doing it. This thing called living Scottie. That has been another episode of Bananas.
I love them, Thanks, I love them all. Thanks on talking to you.
Thank you to our producer Katie Levine. Thank you to our intern Lisa Maggot. Thank you to exactly Right everyone over there, Georgia Karen, Thank you to you, Scottie.
Thank you to you, Kurt Millionaish. This has been an exactly right production.
Produced and engineered by Katie Levine.
Theme music by Kahan, and.
All of our artwork is done by Travis Millard.
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