A Love Language Minute

When Christian couples walk out on each other, it stems from one of three problems: 1. Lack of an intimate relationship with God; 2. Lack of an intimate relationship with your spouse; or 3. Lack of an intimate understanding and acceptance of one's self.

You waste your energy when you argue, trying to convince the other person that you're right and they're wrong. That will never work. Instead, try to find some middle ground where you both can agree.

In this busy world, many parent find it difficult to spend quality time with their teenagers. Without focused attention, a teenager experiences increased anxiety because they feel everything else is more important that they are. That leaves their love tank empty.

When your spouse refuses to apologize, it makes it difficult to deal with the hurt. The Bible teaches that when someone sins against you, confront them. If they repent, forgive them.

Couples that live together before getting married are no better prepared for marriage than those who did not. In fact, their divorce rate is even higher.

Separation doesn't necessarily lead to divorce. Separation forces us to admit we have serious problems. When we examine divorce, we realize that divorce doesn't solve anything. In fact, it creates more problems. The best of our options is to seek reconciliation.

Since every married couple has different thoughts and feelings, there will be barriers to good communication. The best way to break down those barriers is to Listen!

What can you do if you're married but can't get rid of the memories of your premarital sex? Confess your past sin to God and your wife, then picture the blood of Christ flowing over your sin and hiding it from your sight.

It's not unusual for a spouse to be an alcoholic but doesn't think they have a problem. Are you in this situation? Choose to show them your  tender love. At the same time, you can exercise tough love by insisting on seeking out good counseling.

Does Separation equal Divorce? Not necessarily. Separation can be a time of tremendous growth. Take this time to consider the choices and actions that caused your separation and choose to make the necessary changes. With God's help, this might lead to reconciliation instead of divorce.

Listening is the key to good communication. If you listen to your spouse and try to understand their thoughts and feelings, your marriage will thrive.

If you have a silent husband, have you ever wondered why? If you're quick to criticize his ideas, he might just shut down. Your criticism will strike at the heart of his self esteem.

You and your fiancé want to get married and are applying for grad school. This might pose some challenges to your marriage. Dr. Gary Chapman recommends postponing your marriage until you both accomplish your academic goals.

Are you and your spouse the products of divorce? Having experienced growing up in a home where your parents divorced, your goal should be to never put your own children in that same situation. The key is to get a clear picture of what a healthy family looks like.

Behind every verbally abusive tongue is a person of value. If you can focus on their worth rather than on their abuse, perhaps you can be God's instrument to bring healing.

There's something about the way we're made that cries out for intimacy. God designed marriage to be the most intimate of all human relationships.

Those who verbally abuse their spouse are saying more about their own needs rather than their spouse's character.

Are there fireworks in your marriage - the fireworks of romantic love? When you speak your spouse's love language, you'll touch their heart.

Our mission is to make disciples. The best method to use is to love them.

If you're married, it's never wise to try to reconnect with your past girlfriends. You'll be jeopardizing the commitment you made to your spouse.

We often connect past relationships to the music of that era. If you're married now, it's probably wise not to listen to that music any more. Then you probably won't relive those memories and be drawn away from your spouse.

Confession should ideally precede forgiveness. But if someone has sinned against you and has never confessed, ask God to help you forgive them anyway. This will allow you to rid yourself of the sin of bitterness.

It's deeply hurtful for a husband to tells his wife that she's not attractive. His unkind comments are more than physical - they're emotional. Ask him if he feels loved by you. Learn his love language to connect more deeply with him.

Intimacy is at the very heart of a growing marriage. God designed marriage to be the most intimate of all human relationships. What are you doing to build intimacy in your marriage?

Are you attempting to improve your marriage by trying to change your spouse? Matthew chapter 7 tells us not to judge others. Examine yourself and see if YOU are the one who needs to change.

The most common complaint of singles is that they are lonely. God didn't design us to live in isolation. Intimacy is one our deepest needs. If you're single, invest your time with others. It's the language of friendship.

Your girlfriend has trouble trusting men. How can you convince her that she can trust you? You can't convince her to trust you. What you can do is be trustworthy.

A military couple's love language is quality time. How can they express their love while one spouse is deployed? Today's technology enables them to communicate electronically. So call often!

Selfishness is the greatest barrier to marital unity. If we're honest with ourselves, we're all afflicted with the disease of selfishness. Selfishness is a product of our fallen nature. But as a Christian, we've been given a new nature.

If you don't get good results from doing a task but you don't ask for input from someone you trust, you won't improve or grow. You'll always win when you ask for input.

Communication is the lifeline for a growing marriage. So what do you do when your spouse won't talk? Don't condemn them. Instead, ask them questions about a topic they're interested in.

Dr. Gary Chapman's seminars aren't only for married couples. Engaged couples and even single adults attend as well.

Which kind of person are you - messy or a neat freak? This can lead to tremendous frustration within a relationship. Make requests for change, not demands. Love accepts many imperfections - the things that one can not or will not change.

What is the loving thing to do when your adult child moves back home? Establish time limits to their stay. Formulate a financial agreement. Respect the need for privacy.

The process of getting to know each other in a dating relationship requires that there be lots of communication. If one struggles to communicate, begin to develop good communication skills early on.

It's not uncommon for adult children to move back home. Meet with  your child and find out what their plans are moving forward. What is their exit plan. Approach the plan step by step. Setting small goals is better than no goals at all.

The five love languages are dispersed relatively evenly between men and women. The important thing is for you to learn the primary love language of your spouse.

Can a wide age gap pose a problem in marrying someone? It depends on the gap. The older both individuals are, the more likely it is for the marriage to work.

The boomerang generation - it's when your older children leave but then move back home. This can be very challenging for the parents. Don't be afraid to talk to other parents who can share with you how they were able to handle it.

How can you have healthy Interactions with others on political issues? The very first step is to listen to them without being judgmental and ask them questions. Then ask them if they're willing to hear your side.

When you're angry, be sure to get all the facts before you take action. It's easy to jump to conclusion about what someone did or said. Ask questions and make sure you understand all the facts.

How important is it to know all the secrets of your spouse's past? Be sensitive and don't force him to share thing he doesn't want to share. If God has forgiven him, allow him to choose the things about which he's willing to share.

How important is it to get your future in-law's blessing before marrying their daughter? It's definitely ideal. Take time to honestly consider the areas of their concern and admit that they might be right. In the end, you don't always have to base your decision on the blessing of your potential in-laws.

Taking positive steps toward dealing with anger is essential. God can use our anger in a positive way if you're willing to admit that you're angry, confront the person who's wronged you, then seek reconciliation.

We find it easy to point out the negative areas in others, but struggle to point out any of our own. The Bible instructs us to remove the log in our own eye before trying to remove the speck in someone else's eye.

Anger between families members is not uncommon. Don't let it fester. Instead, ask the person with whom you're angry if it's a good time to talk. Get it out in the open, and agree to find a solution to the problem in an agreeable and positive way.

It's very discouraging when your in-laws don't think you're good enough for their daughter. The best approach is to focus on being the person your wife needs you to be. Perhaps in the future, your in-laws may change their minds about you.

How can you bring the spark back into your marriage? The best way is to learn to speak your spouse's love language, and do it consistently.

We get angry when our sense of right is violated. Share your anger with someone in a positive manner, then let it go. Anger was never meant to move in permanently - it should only be a visitor.

Most of us are self-centered. We strive to achieve our goals but often lose our marriages in the process. If we aim to build our marriages while at the same time building our careers, both spouses win.