Josh received a spicy gift from his wife yesterday for his birthday! 

We recapped one of the greatest stories our Vet friend, Doctor Andrea, has ever told us about a dog eating something they shouldn't have. 

Josh opened up some birthday gifts this morning, and his wife made sure that Dana's gift was health conscious. 

Ashley is starting to have trouble putting socks on, and Josh has a guess at why it's getting difficult. 

While talking about the world's most expensive dog, the movie Marley & Me came up, and a listener said he LOVED the sequel. 

We had Glen Perkins on the air for the first time this baseball season and he talked about how he is embracing going grey! 

Josh accidentally sent Nick an article that was intended for his wife, and now we are worried about his home life. 

One of the best viral videos to ever exist! 

Ashley taught us about the strict rules her parents had when it came to fighting her brother. 

Members of The Brother/Sisterhood texted in and told us about the different animals they have been bitten by! 

A Michigan baseball player is catching a lot of grief for snorting the chalk line on the ballfield, like cocaine. 

A college baseball player named Christian Johnson made an insane catch in the outfield, and he & Josh have something in common! 

A Wisconsin man ate his 35,000th Big Mac, and we are guessing that it is the ONLY thing he likes to talk about. 

According to Josh, his mom helped fix his temper problem when he was a kid. Too bad that was the last time he's listened to her! 

Members of The Brother/Sisterhood texted in and told us about the different places around town they've had their asses kicked! 

Josh is cured! He finally had plastic surgery to fix his resting bitch face, but he's running into other problems now. 

Careful! Watching too much television can lead to multiple health problems. Josh believes it is affecting his ability to use the restroom! 

A minimalist's advice on what to get rid of in your home. 

Josh is always having workers come in and out of his house. In fact, it happens so much, he sees them more than his own family! 

Dana got a ridiculous looking spray tan to test how it would look for his upcoming wedding. The rest of us agreed he should NEVER get one again. 

We talked about the best old man phrases of all time and thought about what's going to be considered "old man phrases" in the future! 

You can now play as Shohei Ohtani in Fortnite, just like you can play as Lebron James. One listener claimed that Lebron James has a special ability in the game! 

We discussed a snowboarding criminal that placed 24th in a snowboarding event, and Nick claimed that he can place 24th in ANYTHING you throw at him. 

We found out Doctor P Jesus has Rosacea, but Josh thinks it's just because he's been outside in the sun a little too long. 

A police officer is under fire after appearing as a stripper in a music video. Probably because of a pesky "morality clause."

There is a television show coming out called "The Grudge," that highlights the greatest feuds in modern sports! The Brother/Sisterhood texted in about what feuds they think should be included! 

We talked about Adam "Pacman" Jones' greatest hits from his arrests over the years. 

Veterinary Dr. Andrea, Nick's pup Gertie, and Nick's wife joined us in-studio, so that Dr. Andrea could give Gertie an exam live on air! 

We discussed a $15,000 Orgasm Retreat that teaches women how to successfully orgasm! 

We discussed what you should do before turning 50, and writing a will was high on that list. 

We discussed having to meet the future in-laws, and Dana shared with us that he had to meet THREE dads when meeting his future in-laws. 

We taught KARE 11's Janel Klein about CarJitsu, Phone Booth Boxing, and The Bang Bus!

Josh explains why you need to stop going after his poor mother! 

Brad Ruiter used his PR skills to try to defend Jimmy Butler, who is being sued for the state he left his old apartment in. 

A little boy decided he was having a donut emergency and that the only ones who could help him were the police. 

We discussed the best Firsts in life. You might have the best intentions in mind, but it doesn't always pan out how you want it. 

There was a list that has been going around the internet of what you don't have to worry about in a relationship when you're over 50. 

A Florida man was arrested for waving his Chucky doll at people outside of grocery stores. The man was scaring people because he was unable to purchase beer. 

Josh had a little fun today with his new label maker, and it's a fancy one too!  Unfortunately, he only has it for one day! 

The Green Bay Packers want the Philadelphia Eagles "Tush Push" banned from the NFL. So, the Half-Assed Morning Show had a little fun with it! 

A Buick Lucerne was half submerged on White Bear Lake since January 27th and the owner just left it in the lake. Good thing it wasn't someone's on the show, because it would still be there! 

A Champion jump roper from Indiana saved a man's life and his dog when he thought fast and went for his trusty ropes! 

Dr. P Jesus joined the Half-Assed Morning Show for his bi-weekly appearance and gave a list of things that happen to women when they're pregnant. 

WNBA star Angel Reese posted everything she plans to accomplish in life on her Instagram. Miami Heat and former Timberwolf Kevin Love responded with a great line and now everyone's pissed! 

Dodgers pitcher Bobby Miller was pitching to Cubs' Michael Busch from Inver Grove Heights when Busch roped a comebacker at 106 MPH and it got Miller right in the head!  

A 24-year-old marathon runner was participating in a half marathon in Glasgow and died after finishing the race. Our Randy Shaver was a track star, but marathons weren't his thing, and he learned that in a race one day. 

Dodgers Pitcher Dustin May had a freak accident with a salad last year. A piece of lettuce was in his esophagus and tore it so badly that he needed emergency surgery! 

Yesterday, a Delta flight from Minneapolis crashed when it was landing in Toronto. Unfortunately, some of the passengers aboard the plane were from Minnesota. One of those passengers was Traveling IT Jesus, and he told us his story. 

Every Wednesday The Half-Assed Morning Show is joined by Minnesota Wild's Marcus Foligno. Before Hockey Day In Minnesota, they had hockey analyst Kevin Gorg on and he wasn't holding back on Foligno!

Randy Shaver said that he loves to golf in the fall because of the cooler temps. Wappel doesn't like it as much because it's tough finding your ball with all the leaves on the ground. Who do you agree with?