This week the girls discuss what they’re afraid of, how fear stops us all from living our best lives, and how important it is to do the scary shit anyways. They also give some advice on fur babies and play a game that reveals some interesting phobias.
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Welcome to You Down, a production of Shonda Land Audio and partnership with I Heart Radio. It's also a journey, like, don't think of it that you're just trying to get to a finish line. Like just enjoying the journey is also a part of it. So that's something I remind myself, like, oh, I shouldn't be sitting in fear for too long. Don't let it consume me. Like I'm on a journey, and in this journey, I want to enjoy every step of the way, even when I'm not where I want to be completely yet, and I don't. It's never finished, it's never done. What's up, everybody, and welcome back to you Down, a podcast wherefore funny honeys come together to talk about what's going on in the culture. I'm Ashley Holstin, I'm Shakre gen Ape, I'm Mommy A, and I'm Yasmin money Walking. But collectively we are known as Obama's other Daughters. Okay, okay, today we're asking you down with fear. Audrey Lord says, I am deliberate and afraid of nothing. For most of us. One time, y'all heard that, Yes, when you love some Audrey Lord also that soopathic you should be. She's like, I'm here on purpose and I ain't afraid. For most of us, fear and all of its forms, from slight hesitation to debilitating anxieties, is so present and it feels normal today. We want to unpack fear. Does it feel us or hold us back? And how do we continue to face our biggest fears and love life and the pursuit of happiness. I personally will never attempt to overcome my fear of snakes, you know, because they stare that's weird, They're just weird. But fear of failure and taking big risks, I'm down the challenge that. But before we jump into the meat and potatoes of this conversation, let's check in with each other. What love which I'll hate? I am loving conversations with my brother in the morning. They get me out of bed. I have been you know again. I'm in Virginia. It's the pandemic is where I'm from. Um and I'm staying with my baby brother at his house and we just have these mornings full of like deep conversation and you know, we smoke a little bit. We have these meditations and just talk about feelings and they're just good. They just feel good moments. I love that I miss my siblings. That sounds awesome. Ash. It is so one of the things that's been on my bucket list for the longest time ever. Uh was motorcycle writing and or learning how to ride a motorcycle. And I went into I had an uber ride and the driver was telling me about writing and I was like, yeah, you know, it's on my bucket list. And then he was like, oh, well, do you have anyone that's gonna teach you yet? I know of someone and I was like, oh, you know, it's just one of those Like I was about to say, Oh, it's just one of those things I'll do at some point in time, but I was like, actually, I don't. And I called the person he recommended, and I went from my first class and I was like on the motorcycle in the parking lot and like it just to take a step towards this. Literally my buckets have like four things on it and to feel like it's just very excited about actually taking that step. That is a huge step. And whudas to you because I'm never getting on a motorcycle. You don't want the wind in your brains. That actually does sound really nice, the brain. You know what I always think of, break my heart? Oh remember you know what I feel like. You know there's a lot of fear around motorcycling. You could be safe, have you written, as she was about to rent one in Thailand. Yeah, I want you for sure. I rolled on the back of one in Thailand and oh and I was so jealous. I was literally looking for a guy to ride with and just found it. But you know what, I walked outside and the guy was like, Hey, I'll cheat charge you cheaper than a taxi. And I was like, well, it's just me. Do I hop on the back of this stranger's motorcycle? Is telling me it'll be a cheap in Thailand and Thailand, yes I do. So I did, and it was great. I was nervous because it's so hilly in Thailand, and that's why the lady wouldn't tell me. She wouldn't let me ride one. She's like, I'm scared for you because it's too dangerous. But anyho, I would not ride a motorcycle like on the freeway. I've ridden it on the street and I used a dirt bike but my friend broke her femur riding dirt bikes when we were kid. Did you have a motorcycle commercial? Yes? Actually, what are you gonna play like Harley? Okay commercial? Oh my gosh, okay, this is gonna be quick because I got to tell y'all, so I had an audition. Don't lie on your resume. I said I could ride a motorcycle because I wrote dirt bikes as a kid. I can't ride a motorcycle. So I get on this bike. I'm doing good. I ride it up the street and then I try to turn it around. The gas is on the handlebar, so I hit the handlebar and it it accelerated to a wall and and then the bike was so damn heavy and fell on my leg. I'm trying to turn the bike around. I'm trying to use my physical bike to lift this strong Yeah, I got it, and I was good, guys, but I was out of sight, so I was home doing the inches. I had a whole scratch on my leg on bleed and trying to move his bike. And then they got the cattle director like ran up to me and he was like, oh my god, oh my god, get off, just walk back, so I had to walk back, as he wrote, the bike back, just like the Walk of Shame. But I will say, like four other girls left after they saw I couldn't do it. They were like, you look like you could ride a bike. You couldn't do it. I was like, I like, just like, y'all, host y'all, we're not trying to get killed. Oh my gosh, wow, But you had fun in the in the four seconds, in the four seconds before I ran into the wall, I was having a blast. I was like this, like, that's the song that comes in my head when I think of motorcycle. What you love it, mom? Yea, what you hate? I am loving. I started reading this book that has just given me all the fields, the Octavia Butler, the sci five just you know, like when I first read, I read a compilation of Octavia's short stories, and I was like, this is crazy that I didn't realize this existed until my twenties. First of all, and then we don't see black faces in the fantasy world really unless it's like, you know, as a drop in and or like a character that's servicing the main person's life or something. Um. But it's called the Gilded Ones. And it's by Nomina Forna. She's actually a Spellman grad and like a friend and she told me about this years ago and to see her struggle through l A and like you know how that is. And like she has a book that's on the New York Times bestseller right now. Um, and it's really good. They're comparing her to Octavia Butler and you know, um, all these fantasy writers. I love fantasy and sci fi ships. So thank you for this wreck, MAMMYA. Yes, the cover is beautiful. Yeah, it's pretty stunning. Um in person too, and it's about like kind of blending West African culture with that sci fi um fantasy world, which I just feel like we don't really see that unless it's like very dark and like you know, um, and she she's making it into a movie too, and depending the script. Like all of that happened as soon as it dropped. So go Nomina. Check out The Gilded Ones if you can find it, get it on audible. If you can't get it real copy, what about you? Checky Era. I'm watching one division, but I'm not going to spoil it. I've heard I don't know anything about it. I did not want to watch it, but now I'm about I'm like, I'm excited for the finale. Yeah. Um, but my favorite thing is like Casperine Han is such an underrated Jim. I literally watched Miss Fletcher at the beginning of the pandemic and then I was like, this girl killing it and I watched her and Transparent and then she popped up in this and I was like, I am a a stand a Stan, I'm a cafferinew Stan. Transparent is where I was like, you can do it all because like you know, and they always say like if you can do communy, you can do anything. But wow, like the drama is really good. And Elizabeth Alsen also I'm a stand as well. She is so good. She's in this show called Sorry, actually shaking her head and doing what it is about. Elizabeth Olsen And honestly, they dude who plays Vision too, I don't like them. I don't like them, I don't like I don't care about your story. I didn't want to see it. That's why I didn't want to watch water Vision. And I like the Marvel universe. Okay, I hear that she does have a sad face, which is why she was perfect and sorry for your Loss, which is a sad show um on Facebook watch. Yeah it got no love because it was on Facebook Watch. But it is actually a really loved it. Who loved it though, like I heard about it, But I mean, if you can bear the sadness of it. It's about brief basically about losing her husband and her grieving. But yeah, that's what I'm loving right now, Catherine. But also I will say, what is scary is how good she is in everything, and that makes me think of fear, like riding a motorcycle. No thank you, that's one of my heres, no offense. I'm proud of you. I really. I hope I don't get decapitated. Oh my god, I hope please don't. Please don't. Well, if anything is a fast aff, so look at it on the bright side. Okay, and today we're asking you would fear cupful? Okay, I'm ready to get into our main topic, fear, but first a quick break. Welcome back to guys, to the Fear episode in her true troll form. Right now, I can't wait to get into our main topic. What is something y'all fear failing? I was gonna say failure is I think that's probably what I think. Embarrassment is probably one of my biggest fears, just fear of like not have in it together horrible, because who has it together all the time. It's just I feel like shame is not something that like I feel often that's obvious embarrass me. Hey, we live at the opposite sides of the spectrum. This is true. I'm shame of shame. Yeah, yeah, you put your closer to here, and yes we'll be like, hey, I'm going to risk it all. I'm going to keep asking what do we have to do to get in here free? You know, like no more. They already told us no five times. Shame, that's real. My fear is more like ghosts low key, and I'm trying to find the balance between like and it's just the ancestors, you know what I mean, Like they're looking out for us, not just the ancestors. Everybody has ancestors too, Oh god. And those are the ones that scare me. Those are the ones that I don't want, Like when I light my candles or whatever, I'm like, please don't come visit me. Just the good people that like have my greatest interest. I don't know if do you guys watch Lovecraft Country, there's an episode where Journey Smallt's character deals with some ghosts. The episode was terrifying. Someone told me it gave them nightmares. So I don't honestly know when I'm gonna watch it, and I'm one hunt it. I know it starts like thrillery and like scary in a you know, racist way. But then and then she turns it around and the ancestors are like they got her back, and like I really I was like, oh, that sort of shifted my perspective on the rule of ghosts. But even the lad's ancestors was looking at Clue. They don't look I mean, she was who in hands and I was like, get out to leave the house. I feel like I am definitely afraid at the core of rejection, like at my core. That's everything points to that, probably because of my Midwestern upbringing and being like, hey guys, I'm here and making sure that I took up space or something, so like yeah, I feel like, I mean, I think that's normal money. Everyone wants to be likable and like, no, they don't. Not as bad as I'm just kidding. The industry is literally just a bunch of people thinking, oh, I'm used to it now. I say, like people say the job is auditioning because rejection is of seven. So yeah, I'm not necessarily afraid of rejection. I would say failure because I mean, you're not. I came in like I'm doing a thing any better work because I ain't got no other plate. This is like ad shows. So if I took it l it would be a huge oil. I don't feel like I'm going in that direction, but no, it's only going uphill, only going uphill for us. But yes, sometimes that so fear question for you ladies, since we've we've reached a point in our career, is that like a year ago we weren't here, is there a fear that was removed from you by this this um you know, the gains of the past year. I'm asking because I feel like I always had this fear in my stomach like about l A, Like if I was leaving l A coming back, I would always have like, oh is this the is this the time back that something's going to happen? And that is gone from my stomach. Now I will say I had a lot of hope and like affirmation setting that Like I was like it's gonna work out. It has to um And then there's also I think for me, it was fear of how long it would take. And I was like, you know, Van Go died in like poverty essentially and like never was recognized in his lifetime sort of thing. I was afraid that like no one would see our art or like what the contributions that we have to offer before we transition to the next life kind of thing. That's my ultimate fear. So thank you for saying that. Just not being able to express the art that I want to before I'm not here anymore, right like someone would discover our journal or like my poems like way late and then I don't know, but that fear is not here right now. I'm like, oh, all the things are happening in the ways that I've been affirming and putting out into the universe and praying for and you know, believing in, so that fear is definitely it's shifted some Similarly, I feel like, uh, I always knew whatever was going to happen, I was gonna pop. Whatever's gonna happen was gonna happen, But the timeliness of it was just like how hard how long am I going to happen to be hustling in these streets how long, because I'll do it, but Lord knows, i'd like it to be a short hustle, not a not a long poverty stricken hustle. Yeah. I feel like I've believed in everything that we've been all working towards for a minute, so I haven't necessarily felt the fear of like going back to l A and it's gonna suck. Like sometimes I get that, like I don't feel like getting rejected feeling, but it's not necessarily fear. It's just like, well, let me do these god dag on self tapes. Let's see, you know what I mean? All right, let me submit this thing to this person and see how. You know, hopefully we get a yes. You know, we also happen to be like, don't be a pessimist about it, right, You know, things work out when you're always so good with sending Abraham Higgs and like positive affirmations. Because I had to tell myself, I love Idellionaire. She's she has this book called manifest Now. But like you've always been so positive, thank you. You have to find that balance or you won't make it in this industry that we are in, because y'all know, it's a lot of work and not always a lot of rewards for a long time. It's and also to somebody gave me this really good perspective, I was like, you know, it's a marathon, and you know Nipsey says that, but I also used to say that too, um, and not a sprint. But it's also a journey, Like don't think of it that you're just trying to get to a finish line. Like just enjoying the journey is also a part of it. So that's something I remind myself, like, oh, I shouldn't be sitting in fear for too long. Don't let it consume me. Like I'm on a journey, and in this journey, I want to enjoy every step of the way, even when I'm not where I want to be completely yet, and I don't. It's never finished, it's never done. I don't think I'll ever be like I made it to that spot and I'm done, you know. I think it'll be like, yeah, like I've done a great job, and now what's next. I feel like it's um. The fear of the unknown is that feeling that I had in my stomach before, not like because I I'm a Christian and I believe in God, and you can't have faith and be fearful. It doesn't go. They don't work together. So that's my driving force behind everything that I do, is the fact that my destiny is my destiny. And no matter what religion you are, there something that says or spirituality or agnostic or whatever exactly. I love the book The Alchemists because it says when you want something, the whole world conspires, the whole universe conspires to make it happen for you. And ever since reading things like that, it's just like we living in fear is a waste of time because it doesn't do anything but halt you. You know. Um Whereas you can be afraid to write that script or afraid to do whatever. But if you're working through your fear, you're moving. You're not just stopping living because of it. You know, it's not debilitating. His fear stopped you, guys from anything, Like you have any regrets from not making a move because of it? Oh, one time he has and I were in Austin at Austin Pride and there was this fine as bartender and I remember, y'all, I've had on my outfit. I was looking good, I was feeling good. I was having a good time and I and I think he was flirting and I still could not He did. He did give us a drink. He did leave my hand for a bit, he Ashley, I can't even the hand he I mean, like literally, I felt like all I need you to do is say the words sir, so I know that this is okay um, But I didn't make my move and I was I was very disappointed. Still think about this. It's a whole last year later, and I still think about this, this dude who I could have had a wonderful uh night with. Sorry, family, I got hang up moments like that, You though, ash Where I've been like already throwing it. Should I pick it up? You know, you just don't know how much like giving and you're like, oh, I don't want to put myself out there, and they're already putting themselves out a little bit, but not enough for you to know if you should yet like that, that that fear of rejection coming through, And you know what's the craziest part is that you know a few months later there was another guy who I was interested in, and I was like, I'm not gonna let fear stop me. I know this dude is into me. Let me put myself out there. And I did and he wasn't feeling it. He was like, you the homie, and that that rejection did nothing. I'm still fired, I'm still funny, I'm still beautiful, I'm still smart. So it's just like, oh, rejection does nothing. Let me just keep putting myself out there and eventually somebody will reciprocate. I can't even count the amount of guys I haven't approached because I was scared, um, which is like I don't want to approach anybody first of all. So that but anyway, UM, the biggest thing that I regret and I hope that I can rectify this at some point in life. Um. Back in the day when I was an assistant, I went to my old boss, Gina Prince Bythewood's house, and I brought food because she was having Danny Glover over for dinner because he was going to be and Beyond the Lights, a movie that he was later and I was like, this was my first assistant job for real, And I like walked in to deliver the food and like was late booking it out of it. Like old I was still very docile Minnesota and I'm don't feel funk with me now, but I was very like like, let me be invisible. And she was like, you're not staying and I was like, uh sure, So I stayed. Had an amazing conversation Jian and dinner with Danny Glover, and I was too afraid to ask him for a picture, and I like, we'll regret that until the day that I die, unless I meet him again. And like we talked about Ghana, we talked about film like. It was the most amazing conversation. And I was too afraid to ask this man for a picture. And he would have had absolutely no problem. I know that now. But you know hood of my line sister and I with Danny Glover when he came to campus. How MoMA just Mommia just admitted one of her biggest regrets. And you will be like, well, I got warm. It was nothing. That's yes. When yes, when you'll be like a k and I'll be like, okay, go go do it. I'm so and you know, to thing about me, one of my biggest regrets is like in my gut. I'll be like, yeah, I'm at beach, I'm gonna ask for what I want. And then suddenly I'm like, actually, it's fine, I'm not going to do it. And then I'm all freaked out and I'm like, this is not who you are, Like you asked for the picture that you want. Yeah, that's fine. I'm really trying to think of a regret or fear. Oh you want some help, Yes, I'd say getting a concussion by going to the skate park without a helmet. I'd say your fear of dying from said concussion as though the doctor sold you where you were fine? Yea. I will say I am afraid of most drugs, weed, I'm I'm totally fine with except for edibles, which sometimes can be rough. But I guess I am like, I really enjoy life. I feel like there's a lot of fun and adventure to be had. Ures is like, oh, I'm scared that I do. I don't don't ask you as to bring you in edible from l A to wherever she's going. She's not bringing it, she's not getting it on that playing with no edible, even though for short catch me. And then I'm too paranoid fort broke down Palace has been accidentally went through t s A with drugs, did not get caught and still whole joy in her pocket, a whole joint and then like it I had talked about broke down Palace in Thailand, like literally, try to scare me to not go to Thailand because they broke down Palace some Claire Dame film. I was like, they are not worried about me. That film for our listeners who are out there, none of us put the fear of Thai prison and my system. So when you guys are confronted with fear, how does that how do you react? You know, they say flight, fight? Do you stay? You just like try to hide and make sure it goes away? How does it fear manifest with your actions? I go to the hospital, yes, she does. Expensive that concussion that happened that actually brought up I very much, was like I'm gonna like I've gone to urgent care and they're like, if it gets any worse, go to the e R. And I had one little I mean, it felt very dire in the moment, Like my my response to fear is yeah, I gotta go to the hospital. It's stabilitating anxiety. It's like a whole thing, and get saying and I was like, I'm not a doctor. I don't really know what to do. Trying to calm down, breathe who has work. Here's some of sential oils. It's like, I don't need to oils, need a doctor. Okay, okay, I hear that. I hear that. So would you call that fight or flight? I guess that's fight. I would say it's fighting. I gotta fight this. There's nothing wrong they're telling me. There's it's a little bit of a little bit of I feel like when I was younger, it would definitely be flight. Like if there was something that I didn't want to I was scared to do, I would just make an excuse not to be there, like like, oh I'm not going to that presentation. I'm sick. Um. So I'm like a flag in that way. Um, not so much now now I'm just like I think, I think more quiet and like when I am met with fear, I try to conquer it and if I can't, then I just stay there and hope that it goes away. External fears for me are more fight, um internal or more flight, like external stuff where especially if it's like adventure stuff like when I went hang gliding, y'all, we had to run off a cliff to get the hanglider, and I was like, this is scary. I'm afraid to run off of this mountain. I can see there's nothing under it, but I will conquer it. Or like you know, if I were to go skydiving or any of those type of it's but like physical like I'll you know, do it. It's fine even though I said I was scared of sharks and surfing, I would do it, like I could get over that. But mentally when it's like I'll say the things, say those words to this person and be vulnerable, and you know, it's like I can't. Like I'm sort of I lose my words or getting my head too much and get scared. But I get that. I feel like I'm similar in the way that like if I'm walking down the street and someone starts following me, you know those situations like I'm not sticking around to be like uh no, think I'm running, like moving away from you. So in that way, I'm like flight. But if it comes to like now I've had to force myself in terms like I appreciate opportunities to confront a situation because I used to be so afraid of it that now I'm like, this is another chance for you to exercise the new things that you're doing in life. So I think in that sense, it would be fight because it's very uncomfortable and I don't want to be there, so I have to like force myself fight with myself to stay. One time I thought someone had broken into my house when I was probably a late teens, and I just stayed at the top of the stairs with a hot iron ready. They're just waiting for at least fifteen twenty minutes, just waiting for them to creak up the stairs. And I was like, oh, I don't know what that counts as, but it's not helpful against self defense. That is spear though, How do I get friends? I was just I was already ironing, so it wasn't like I thought quickly and got it. I was just like, and it's like from home alone, Like I feel like home alone's break into your house skills like you adapted one in that moment. Are you guys afraid of like vulnerability? Is that a fearful thing for you? It depends on the situation. Again. Right now, I'm looking for I love opportunities to be vulnerable now because I'm finding that it's not as scary as I've made it seem in my life the whole time. But I think you can have a balance or standards for what you want to be vulnerable about or not. M hmm. Um. Vulnerability was one of my tasks of like working on in two thousand nineteen, so I'm much more comfortable with it. Um. In my home, we just we weren't those people who like expressed every emotion. We were very much love, love each other and support each other. But it wasn't like, um, I don't know, it wasn't very vulnerable. Yeah, how do you feel? Let's talk about this. My mom would be like, how long have you been crying? That's enough? But I love it. Some people would be like she abused you, and I like she made me strong, She made me strong. Um. I think what what bumps for me now is that I think, Um, there are people who want me to be vulnerable with them, who I don't want to be vulnerable with, and I think sometimes they think that it's like I'm afraid to be vulnerable. But it's like, no, you didn't earn this, You don't You don't get to be um a part of my heart right now. UM. So I think it's just like for me learning that being vulnerable, UM, in certain ways, it doesn't have you don't have to share that with everybody. Yeah, I feel like, UM, vulnerability isn't a huge challenge for me. My mom was always vulnerable when I was a kid, and um, she cried. I cried. It wasn't a big deal. But the world did tell me really quick to stop that crying. Girl. She give you something to cry, right. And I do feel like if it's a safe space or close to a safe space, or I know the people, I m share, sometimes I over share sometimes let's all right. I mean, I guess I'm maybe too vulnerable. I'll be out here with my heart on my sleeve, very much like I have emotions, feel my feelings, which is a lot to ask feel my feelings. I don't know there's I do feel like it's not like I'm not as afraid or rather I'm like they're here, so I can't really push them away or tuck them down somewhere like I I just have to keep moving through the emotions. Um sort of no matter where I am or who I'm with, I'm just like I this is what I got right now. I will say that I learned more of a way to be vulnerable by hanging out with you has more and having the language to be vulnerable is part of uh. I think the battle for me um and hanging out with Jaskma has definitely helped me because actually, actually don't like that flowery language. Not not overly flowery, but sometimes I can hear what yes says and then put it in my own words. You know what I'm saying, ah Ash, You're welcome. Well, thanks guys for being a safe space for me to be vulnerable and for it to feel safe. I think that's like finding folks who you do feel safe around. To be vulnerable takes away the fear of being vulnerable. Of course, you have to open yourself up to being vulnerable. But then yeah, Brand Brown's got it right. Vulnerability is king Brand Okay, Who's Brown? I was being vunderable, guys, vulnerable, Thank you for committing. I'm glad you brought her up though, because a lot of what I learned about vulnerability came from her because I think for a long time I thought vulnerability was weakness. Like you always in your feelings, you always gotta share, like tuck that you know how, Yes, it's like I don't talk. I'm like, please tuck some of that ship away, all right, you're showing your weaknesses and it's not that's not what you know. Although you know some of the emotions, can keep keeping some of them to yourself, but you know for the most for the most part, you shouldn't. That's not a weakness to to express yourself to strength. Yes, yeah it is. She Actually she got me through a very heartbreak that really took a long time to get over. Cis over here rolling her eyes at that heartbreak. But was it you it's gonna be trying to read people's faces and it's just based on her own emotion, is not based on anything you're doing. Curious, but you just let her. But she what she was saying about, like, you know, being able to communicate what you're feeling or like to communicate your desires and like not being like it's okay to be vulnerable, to express yourself in that way so that you get the answers you need, right Like It's not a statement on you at all. It's just like can this person be there for the things that you need or want? Like it's information. I feel like that fear of like, oh, I'm supposed to be harder, I'm supposed to be stronger, all of this, that type of jargon. It's part of what makes people think being vulnerable is a weakness, you know what I mean, as opposed to know I'm actually acknowledging this situation and taking it head on to get it before it turns into something way bigger, as opposed to like keep it to yourself and let it faster into something, or to not know what someone else, like to be like I'm I'm digging you, you know what I mean, and to just like keep on going like are yourself? Are you not right? And like a year goes by and then they're like, whatever it is, you know what I mean? Like it's best to just still in Burnett, not only in the ways of like being vulnerable and communication. Has she helped me, but in like you know, we're all comedians. We all get on stage and do something that is very vulnerable, and you open yourself up to scrutiny and hearing her say, I don't take criticism for people who are not in my arena. You're not in here getting shot down, getting your your bruises. Then please stay on your couch and be quiet, all right, keep it to yourself. It just gives you so much power. You're like, damn right, you don't even know how hard this is, right, especially when we had our show and we would make it look so easy. Somebody say something sass at the end, be like, who do you think? Do you think this stage to make some stuff up with other people on the spot and be funny? Yeah, okay, so what have you done despite your fears that you are glad you did move to l A anyone, right, we've all done very scary things, so it's funny that we're all like huh um. But I think most recently and um impactfully for me, was um, I really wanted to I was really interested in mobile living and living out of like an r V or a bus or a van. And I decided I was like, I think I could live out of my car and test this out and see if I really like it, and try something new and test my my limits. But I was very afraid of what people would think of like, you know, people think you're crazy, or you're poor, you're you know, whatever it is. But I went down like the list of my priorities and like what I wanted to do, and rent was not what I wanted to do, and travel is what I wanted to do, and so like, I just realized that the only thing stopping me was the judgment of others. And I did it anyway. I moved into my car, I lived out of my breeze for a year and some change, and traveled and learned so much about myself and truthfully was probably one of the best years of my life. Like the fact that I wouldn't have done that just because someone would say she's poor or like whatever they would have thought about me, and I wouldn't be in this place now where I am so capable, I am so aware of who I am, I know what I want, and I am about to buy a bus and convert into a tiny home and own something that's gonna be so like mine and beautiful and exactly what I want. And just to think that fear would have stopped me from that is truthfully heartbreaking. So I'm just that's something I'm glad I did. Hell. Yeah, that's like I will say like along this sort of travel again. Actually, you're such an inspiration for all, for all, like of just like going to do the thing that you want no matter what. There was a moment my my husband's French and uh, we were out there and every time that we go he translates everything. He's from Paris, so he knows the city. And I think I was afraid of like sort of going out by myself for a little bit, just to like being forced to like travel solo or not being forced, but like traveling solo was something that was a little fearful for me. And even like one year I bought like just for my birthday, was like I'm going to go to Brazil for a week by myself, like just on a whim, and it was one of the best. Like traveling alone, I think is very scary, but the rewards on the other side of doing it are just so like liberating. You meet so many people, you put yourself out there, you like just explore and adventure doing the things that you want to do, just your spirit leading you. Yeah, I was a little afraid to travel alone, and then I got I'm in a girl in a hostel actually, and people were scared a houstle too. I mean, right now in the world is in a different place, so I get being afraid of hospitals now. But when I went it was lit, see lits. It was perfect because you meet people who just are in a different country, want to travel, want to commune, want to have a good old time. And um, I ended up going to your wedding solo. I stayed in Paris. I met some dudes in my hostel and we went to the Loop together and then ended up hanging out with these other girls in Australia from Australia and um Marsilla. And I remember feeling like powerful, especially like when I was in set the I was in a hotel room by myself, and like the breeze was blowing in and I was like, I got this hostel room also to myself, and I'm sorong and carried my backpack, this heavy bag on my back, and I felt like, yeah, it's so liberate. You learned how capable you are and it is so good to feel like I can accomplish and yes true, especially when they don't speak your language too. Is another thing we even realized here and need to figure it out. I'm able to speak with you like, yeah, no, some of the best trips I've been so yes, So fear can be pleasure, You'll believe that. I I think the thing that I've overcome the most is definitely moving to l A, but also being able to establish my career Like that just seemed like impo. I knew that it was in me, but I didn't know if that was my destiny necessarily, UM, because I can't control other people, but I can only control what I did. So like making my short film brown Paper Pageant was a huge liberating thing for me because I did something that people told me I couldn't do one to act, direct and write something. But also the results that it's elicited in my life I could never imagine. UM. And on the other hand, like I didn't get into anything festivals, but I've gotten more than a film festival could ever give me. So I feel like you don't know, you don't know the way things are going to fall into place. But when you feel something in your spirit, in your heart, or like you have a story to tell or whatever, like pushing through despite the resistance. UM read the War of Art if you haven't life changing book, but just yeah, do it. You have to do stuff that makes you scared to get on the other side of it. That's literally it. It's like there's like a thrill of doing something that's like, oh, ship, am I really doing this? I remember that moment right before I sky dove in Utah back in and I went with some folks that I was working with and we were just like, let's go skydiving. In the moment the seconds before we're about to jump out, and he's like you ready for this, and I'm just like literally looking over the ledge and being like they're nothing there, and like being like oh shit, oh shit, oh ship. But he's also like three to one, let's go. And that thrill of confronting the fear head on, being like you know what I mean, like I did this thing that like scared me. It's like you and the fear, all right, let's go, right, it's such a rush that you feel. Yeah. For me, it's like in the fear sometimes it's not the best, but like overcoming it or like getting through the other side, you're like I did that, I did that, And it takes out the anxiety of like, oh I like, what's the worst that could happen? You know, what's the worst in the instance of skydiving. But I do understand the idea, all right, So let's play a little rapid fire game, um stupid phobias. So basically, I'm gonna read you the name of a phobia and the description of what it is, and let me know if you think it's real or fake, and you win a million dollars if you get one million dollars want Okay? So the first one is anata day a phobia the fear of somewhere, somehow a duck watching you, not a day a duck watching just randomly. It's real. There actually is a debilitating fear that people have of ducks watching them. But they don't even know. What if I'm in a house, in a tolly in the bathroom, I think is no ducks? How're they gonna see me? What if you just saw one in your window? Looking? Okay? What about biophobia the fear of living things? How are you going to be afraid of yourself? That's the fault. People are scared of their reflections sometimes, Ashley, Yeah, what what people are? Some people don't like cook in the mirrors but deadly afraid, debilitatingly afraid. I'm sure, well it is real. There is a fear of living things called biophobia. It was for you, Ashley. She doesn't want to be a millionaire, all right. Next one, peni phobia, the fear of penis or penile shaped objects. Yeah, I think it's true. People are afraid of the dick. Yeah, people are afraid of the dick. It's fake. It's not real. Even though Lo Kim had it because she said she used to be scared of the dick. But I don't know what the scientific definition. Okay, what about hippopotamonostrosski deal phobia you okay, mommy, bless you. What does that mean? Hippopotamona stress kia delia phobia is a fear of long words. Is it real or fake? This is a bit that's fakes. Well, it is a long word to say, fear of long words. What's the word again? Don't make her to say that damn word in one breath. Hippopotamona, struskilla, delia phobia, fear long words. It is real, guys, that is a real fear, and I think it's very rude for whichever scientists made that up. To make the definition such a long word. Who knew that scientists were do want comedic bits? I mean, this is entertainment to I'm like, cheers to whatever scientists made this word up. Scientists, What do you think about this one? Banana phobia the fear of bananas. That that's real. It has to be real. Bananas are a terror on this earth. Jesus, all in the world are really offended right now. That's real. Bananas are trash. I don't like bananas. I can see why someone would be afraid of one. You're right, because it is real. Banana phobia is a real thing. They're real banana phobics out there. So we stand in solidary. Except yes, mush, I can't do the inside of banana like as in the slimy part. I could do the meat of it, all right. One more weave a phobia? What is it? The fear of weaves and or hair attached? Man? I mean, if you was having sex with somebody and suddenly they we just pulled out, that might be a little scary or not. It would be like, whoa, that's a surprise that it as I imagine if they didn't know your hair was fake, it would be like your own popping off, Like, yeah, that's traumatic. Like the Fresh Prince Preference Prefence Prefmence episode, Campbell pops off all of her attachments to the eyes nails. Oh gosh, you know what, Really, I'm gonna say real, I feel like we could find that an urban dictionary somewhere. I know some black men who act like they're fraid to weave. So I'm say you're wrong, it's not real. It's not real. But like you said, you know there's somebody out there. They just need a word for it. Yeah. Wait, So who wins a million dollars? Unfortunately, Um, nobody does because you know, you go one wrong. We'll play again next week on another episode of Stupid pot Us Ding Ding ding Ding Listeners at home. It was a trick question. You're all winners. But before we head into our advice section, let's take a quick break. Welcome back, It's time for some advice. So, mamya what she got? Dear o deep? So, everything is going well in my new relationship except he hates my pets. Literally said I fucking hate cats in front of me. Oh my god, that's not your partner. Next, sorry, keep on that. We let go, she continues, and I'm like, okay, rude, but whatever, I get it. Not everybody like cats, Although if I said I fucking hate dogs, all of America would come chop my body into a hundred pieces like I'm the spawn of Satan. I roll anyway, I'm clearly not bitter. I didn't think him hating cats was a deal breaker until now five months in and he refuses to come over to my place. I always go to his place, and he has a roommate, so we have no privacy. I've been patient and tried to be flexible since he doesn't like my fur babies. But damn, it's COVID season and I'm risking my damn life all the while he's sitting pretty What y'all think? Should I end the relationship? How do I make it clear that I'm not okay with only going over to his house because it's his preference. I live alone, so we need to make the shift to my space. So please help me do so. Signed, Fluffy, Cute and Mike, give him the boot. Give him the boot. If he can't take you with your cats, he can't take you at all. Next. Um, I have cats, so I get how it is frustrating, especially if you're trying to date somebody. Is there a way that you can like not have them in the same room when y'all are getting the hanky panky on, Like, do y'all have enough space where you can like not have the cats all around all the time I get to it's their house, So he needs to, you know, be like, even though I don't like cats, I ain't gonna be nasty to them, you know, And he needs to be like okay with going to your space because having a roommate would take cats over a roommate. But also that's my personal preference. What y'all think you can't hard feel well? I hope you can cuddle with your cats and get the love and attention that you need from them financial support, because if you're gonna choose your cats over a man every time, I think you might end up of the cat lady. Don't say such things. She's gonna give those cats the s p C A or something or catt. I didn't say give the cats away. I'm just saying I will understand why someone who doesn't like animals doesn't want to be around your animals. So, like Shakira said, I think there is a compromise of like, Okay, sometimes we come over my house and you don't have to see these cats. You know they're in the upstairs. I don't know how does that work long term? Though y'all move in together, y'all have children, Maybe what happens then, well, we all know that some people get children and they get rid of their cats. I just think that's not the person. If you if you're like that into your cats and it's a deal breaker for you, then find somebody else to date, because that's gonna it's even you'll ignore it and then it'll fester into something real down the road when you're like, OK, let's get married, you have to get rid of your cats, and you'll be like, no, I didn't even know you hate cats, But yes you did. You knew it a long time ago. But I also think he hasn't been flexible at all. I can't be flexible with cats. I like, for me, it wouldn't so you would rather have the room a situation during COVID than like going to her wherever she lived by herself. I not have a cat in my home. So if you would make you but that's not that's a compatible like y'all are not compatible exactly what I'm saying. Yeah, Fluffy cute and might give him the boot. You probably should so that you can find someone who accepts and loves you in all of your cat loving ways. Well, also maybe check yourself. Maybe you like these cats too much. I don't know, but it seems like he might be cat crazy. Well I hope that helped. Um. Fluffy cute and might give the boot? Yes, yeah, you need to reevaluate. Is this the relationship if your cats are that important to you? Um? And no, I think you need to reevaluate if he isn't going to be flexible at all and he expects you to go to his house solely because he doesn't like your pet. You cannot like a damn pet, and you cannot like his roommate. But it doesn't mean like what if you didn't like his roommate genuinely didn't, but you went to that place anyway because y'all decided to try something, and y'all can draw lines and is saying if it's truly a deal breaker, But I don't know. And I also think he's not telling you the complete thing because like he might not want to offend her by what he doesn't like about the cats. You know, like, there are a lot of things about cats that people might not know. A cat lover because my mom, I'm just saying, you got a lot of you wanted to have a lot to say. I just I mean in the air. If I go in a place with a cat, I leave and I'm sick, and I'm not allergic to cats, but just there's hair in there. Unless we don't have one of those kinds. There's you said, I'm sick, but I like I can do this and like feel that there's hair in my nose because it floats in the air. It's just floating in the air. So everywhere, of course, not I'm saying cats are hair fruit. You have a hypro allergenic cat, both of your cats, and hypo allegenic or does not shake. Come to my house. There's no cat hair anywhere, and you have its not pleasing either, so that might be a part of what. It's no smell in my house either. I'm a clean your house doesn't smell. But the idea that you have two cats and you don't have cat in your home is a farce. It's a ridiculous. Will come visit, Come visit, bitch I shot, We're not crazy. Our cat has lost it is. Animals are not as cute everybody like. Sometimes there's a level of some people just don't want to be around an animal all the time. Well, if your partners afraid of your cat family members, they may not be the one. But you know, there are so many fears and we really confronted it all in this episode. Thank you guys for hanging out with us on our podcast today. Uh, please make sure to review it. Let us know what are your fears. If you feel vulnerable enough to share with us, hit us up in the comments. We want to know what you've been Yes, and come quickie with us on our social media. Y'all know what to find us. Obama's other Data's on Instagram, O D Improv on Twitter, and Obama's other Daughters on Facebook. And if you need some advice, just write us a letter um at O D podcast at gmail dot com. Alright, Yeah, we have fun, see you next week. Bye bye guy. Yeah you Down is a production of Shawndland Audio and partnership with I Heart Radio. 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