Bob Conlin takes the reins on this episode for the third of his regular podcasts focussed on relationships. In this episode Bob talks about something that comes up quite often in his sessions as a relationship coach – that one person needs help for the future of their relationship and the other thinks there’s no problem.

KEY TAKEAWAYS
It’s staggering how often it comes up that one person in a relationship says “we need help” and the other says “no we don’t, everything’s fine, you need help, you’re the problem”. Straight away you can see that there are two totally different perceptions of what’s happening in that relationship. There’s a breakdown in what’s going on in the relationship and what their experiences are. How do you go from there as a couple?
I look at relationships as having three parts or entities: One individual, the other individual and what those two individuals create, which is the relationship. If you look at it as an equation where A says “we have a problem” and B says “no we don’t”, C is still going to be impacted.
I ask the person who thinks everything is fine: “How can it be fine if your partner says it’s not? How do you dismiss their perception and experience and think that everything is fine in the relationship?”. It’s scary to confront and look at your relationship, especially when there’s some conflict/breakdowns/“problems” in it.
If you’re the one who thinks they need help and your partner says it’s fine, you need to have that conversation and ask how can it be fine if that’s the case? Reframe it as you see more opportunity for ‘us’ and the ways we get to love each other rather than saying there’s a problem and things need to change. Stand for what you want in the relationship and that you want support. For the ones who think their relationship is fine, really take a look, is it truly fine? Do you feel loved, seen and heard? Are you having fun? Are you having intimate moments? Are you excited to see your partner? If the answer to any of those questions is no, is it really fine? Use it as an opportunity.

BEST MOMENTS

‘Nine times out of ten (maybe more), the person seeking support is the female identified person in the relationship, and the person saying everything is fine is the male identified individual.’

‘I think as a way of staying in our comfort zone/burying our head in the sand and hoping things will work themselves out, we say that everything’s fine or deflect and project that the problem is actually you not me or the relationship. It’s actually a pivotal opportunity for a couple to come together and be vulnerable and honestly take an inventory of their relationship.’

‘Put your victim mindset in the back seat for a while and actually look at what’s the opportunity for both of you, what do you want, are you both truly happy and how do we get there?’

‘I talk to so many couples who just settle and think it’s OK to come home and not feel connected to the person you’re supposed to be committed to and loving, or feel unseen, unheard or misunderstood by the person you’re supposed to be in a committed relationship with. You have to return to love.’

VALUABLE RESOURCES
Paul’s Story: Emerging From The Forest (UK): https://www.amazon.co.uk/Emerging-Forest-Pain-Purpose-Mastering/dp/1719373272
Paul’s Story: Emerging From The Forest (USA): https://www.amazon.com/Emerging-Forest-Pain-Purpose-Mastering/dp/1719373272
Mastering The Game Of Life Book (UK): https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mastering-Game-Life-Paul-Lowe/dp/1782227679
Mastering The Game Of Life Book (USA): https://www.amazon.com/Mastering-Game-Life-Paul-Lowe/dp/1782227679
Speaking From Our Hearts Books: Volumes 1-3 (Available on Amazon)
World Game-Changers Group

ABOUT THE GUEST

Bob is a Life, Love and Leadership champion, author, coach, trainer, husband, father, and a professional certified coach with the International Coach Federation.

His philosophy is that we are in relationship to everything and the top three opportunities for growth exist in self, loving others, and career. As a relationship coach, he’s doing the work that he was meant to do, in order to fulfil his life purpose.

As the author of the forthcoming book ‘Why Your Relationships Suck: How to Create Strong Relationships with Courage and Heart’ – and as a devoted student of the relationship development he preaches – Bob enjoys a rewarding and fuller life being a husband, coach, leader, musician, and traveller. He and his family were featured in Episode 3 of CBS’s “The Greatest #AtHome Videos” in August 2020.

Website: www.conlincoaching.com

ABOUT THE HOST

Paul has made a remarkable transformation from existing for many years in dark, desperate despair; to now living a really healthy, happy and fulfilling life.

From an early age, he was in the vice-like clutches of the demon drink and constantly embroiled within a dark cocktail of toxic beliefs, self-hate and destructive violence.

Along with his empathetic and dedicated team of world-class coaches and mentors, Paul’s purpose is deeply transformational:

Contributing Significantly To World Peace…

He is extremely passionate about helping others to find their purpose, have a voice and ultimately, make a real difference.  

This has been built on a long and distinguished history of heart-centred coaching and mentoring.  He has also been responsible for raising significant amounts of funds for many charities and good causes around the world; positively impacting and inspiring thousands of children – mainly from challenging backgrounds – within the UK & worldwide.

Through this World Game-Changers podcast and books, he has been involved in – including being a best-selling co-author – Paul also helps others to get their own inspirational messages and stories out into the world; as well as offering support to many charitable organisations, in their development & fund-raising.

CONTACT METHODS

Tel: +44 (0) 7958 042 155

E-mail: Paul@Paul-Lowe.com

Web: https://www.Paul-Lowe.com

Web: https://www.worldgamechangers.org/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/IamPaulLowe/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/paul-d-lowe-7a78332a/

Bob Conlin takes the reins on this episode for the third of his regular podcasts focussed on relationships. In this episode Bob talks about something that comes up quite often in his sessions as a relationship coach &ndash; that one person needs help for the future of their relationship and the other thinks there&rsquo;s no problem.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">It&rsquo;s staggering how often it comes up that one person in a relationship says &ldquo;we need help&rdquo; and the other says &ldquo;no we don&rsquo;t, everything&rsquo;s fine, you need help, you&rsquo;re the problem&rdquo;. Straight away you can see that there are two totally different perceptions of what&rsquo;s happening in that relationship. There&rsquo;s a breakdown in what&rsquo;s going on in the relationship and what their experiences are. How do you go from there as a couple?</li>
<li aria-level="1">I look at relationships as having three parts or entities: One individual, the other individual and what those two individuals create, which is the relationship. If you look at it as an equation where A says &ldquo;we have a problem&rdquo; and B says &ldquo;no we don&rsquo;t&rdquo;, C is still going to be impacted.</li>
<li aria-level="1">I ask the person who thinks everything is fine: &ldquo;How can it be fine if your partner says it&rsquo;s not? How do you dismiss their perception and experience and think that everything is fine in the relationship?&rdquo;. It&rsquo;s scary to confront and look at your relationship, especially when there&rsquo;s some conflict/breakdowns/&ldquo;problems&rdquo; in it.</li>
<li aria-level="1">If you&rsquo;re the one who thinks they need help and your partner says it&rsquo;s fine, you need to have that conversation and ask how can it be fine if that&rsquo;s the case? Reframe it as you see more opportunity for &lsquo;us&rsquo; and the ways we get to love each other rather than saying there&rsquo;s a problem and things need to change. Stand for what you want in the relationship and that you want support. For the ones who think their relationship is fine, really take a look, is it truly fine? Do you feel loved, seen and heard? Are you having fun? Are you having intimate moments? Are you excited to see your partner? If the answer to any of those questions is no, is it really fine? Use it as an opportunity.</li>
</ul>
BEST MOMENTS
&lsquo;Nine times out of ten (maybe more), the person seeking support is the female identified person in the relationship, and the person saying everything is fine is the male identified individual.&rsquo;
&lsquo;I think as a way of staying in our comfort zone/burying our head in the sand and hoping things will work themselves out, we say that everything&rsquo;s fine or deflect and project that the problem is actually you not me or the relationship. It&rsquo;s actually a pivotal opportunity for a couple to come together and be vulnerable and honestly take an inventory of their relationship.&rsquo;
&lsquo;Put your victim mindset in the back seat for a while and actually look at what&rsquo;s the opportunity for both of you, what do you want, are you both truly happy and how do we get there?&rsquo;
&lsquo;I talk to so many couples who just settle and think it&rsquo;s OK to come home and not feel connected to the person you&rsquo;re supposed to be committed to and loving, or feel unseen, unheard or misunderstood by the person you&rsquo;re supposed to be in a committed relationship with. You have to return to love.&rsquo;
VALUABLE RESOURCES
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Paul&rsquo;s Story: Emerging From The Forest (UK):&nbsp;<a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Emerging-Forest-Pain-Purpose-Mastering/dp/1719373272">https://www.amazon.co.uk/Emerging-Forest-Pain-Purpose-Mastering/dp/1719373272</a></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Paul&rsquo;s Story: Emerging From The Forest (USA):&nbsp;<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Emerging-Forest-Pain-Purpose-Mastering/dp/1719373272">https://www.amazon.com/Emerging-Forest-Pain-Purpose-Mastering/dp/1719373272</a></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Mastering The Game Of Life Book (UK):&nbsp;<a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mastering-Game-Life-Paul-Lowe/dp/1782227679">https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mastering-Game-Life-Paul-Lowe/dp/1782227679</a></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Mastering The Game Of Life Book (USA):&nbsp;<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Mastering-Game-Life-Paul-Lowe/dp/1782227679">https://www.amazon.com/Mastering-Game-Life-Paul-Lowe/dp/1782227679</a></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Speaking From Our Hearts Books: Volumes 1-3 (Available on Amazon)</li>
<li aria-level="1"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/343409936534175/">World Game-Changers Group</a></li>
</ul>
ABOUT THE GUEST
Bob is a Life, Love and Leadership champion, author, coach, trainer, husband, father, and a professional certified coach with the International Coach Federation.
His philosophy is that we are in relationship to everything and the top three opportunities for growth exist in self, loving others, and career. As a relationship coach, he&rsquo;s doing the work that he was meant to do, in order to fulfil his life purpose.
As the author of the forthcoming book &lsquo;Why Your Relationships Suck: How to Create Strong Relationships with Courage and Heart&rsquo; &ndash; and as a devoted student of the relationship development he preaches &ndash; Bob enjoys a rewarding and fuller life being a husband, coach, leader, musician, and traveller. He and his family were featured in Episode 3 of CBS&rsquo;s &ldquo;The Greatest #AtHome Videos&rdquo; in August 2020.
Website: <a href="http://www.conlincoaching.com">www.conlincoaching.com</a>
ABOUT THE HOST
Paul has made a remarkable transformation from existing for many years in dark, desperate despair; to now living a really healthy, happy and fulfilling life.
From an early age, he was in the vice-like clutches of the demon drink and constantly embroiled within a dark cocktail of toxic beliefs, self-hate and destructive violence.
Along with his empathetic and dedicated team of world-class coaches and mentors, Paul&rsquo;s purpose is deeply transformational:
Contributing Significantly To World Peace&hellip;
He is extremely passionate about helping others to find their purpose, have a voice and ultimately, make a real difference.&nbsp;&nbsp;
This has been built on a long and distinguished history of heart-centred coaching and mentoring.&nbsp; He has also been responsible for raising significant amounts of funds for many charities and good causes around the world; positively impacting and inspiring thousands of children &ndash; mainly from challenging backgrounds &ndash; within the UK &amp; worldwide.
Through this World Game-Changers podcast and books, he has been involved in &ndash; including being a best-selling co-author &ndash; Paul also helps others to get their own inspirational messages and stories out into the world; as well as offering support to many charitable organisations, in their development &amp; fund-raising.
CONTACT METHODS
Tel: +44 (0) 7958 042 155
E-mail: <a href="mailto:Paul@Paul-Lowe.com">Paul@Paul-Lowe.com</a>
Web: <a href="https://www.paul-lowe.com">https://www.Paul-Lowe.com</a>
Web: <a href="https://www.worldgamechangers.org/">https://www.worldgamechangers.org/</a>
Facebook: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/IamPaulLowe/">https://www.facebook.com/IamPaulLowe/</a>
LinkedIn: <a href="https://www.linkedin.com/in/paul-d-lowe-7a78332a/">https://www.linkedin.com/in/paul-d-lowe-7a78332a/</a>

One thing that’s never been attached to Paul is the label ‘normal’ – something he is totally aware of.  He definitely subscribes to being one of those mentioned the iconic ‘Think Different’ Apple commercial narrated by Steve Jobs in 1977:

“Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules.  You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do!”

His World Game-Changers podcast embraces a mutually-respectful conversational style, with guests that are deemed ‘Unsung Heroes’ – selfless, dedicated people that contribute to the betterment of the world, in whatever way they can…


“Remember: The World’s Changing…

How Will YOU Respond?”

 

 

One thing that&rsquo;s never been attached to Paul is the label &lsquo;normal&rsquo; &ndash; something he is totally aware of. &nbsp;He definitely subscribes to being one of those mentioned the iconic &lsquo;Think Different&rsquo; Apple commercial narrated by Steve Jobs in 1977:
&ldquo;Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules. &nbsp;You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do!&rdquo;
His World Game-Changers podcast embraces a mutually-respectful conversational style, with guests that are deemed &lsquo;Unsung Heroes&rsquo; &ndash; selfless, dedicated people that contribute to the betterment of the world, in whatever way they can&hellip;
 &ldquo;Remember: The World&rsquo;s Changing&hellip;
How Will YOU Respond?&rdquo;
&nbsp;
&nbsp;

World Game-Changers

Bob Conlin takes the reins on this episode for the third of his regular podcasts focussed on relationships. In this episode Bob talks about something that comes up quite often in his sessions as a relationship coach – that one person needs help for the future of their relationship and the other thinks there’s no problem.

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