What you're looking for in peace and wholeness and safety, It's never going to come from a human. Your safety has to rest in this reality that I can get to.

What you're looking for in peace and wholeness and safety, It's never going to come from a human. Your safety has to rest in this reality that I can get to.

Well, just leave and God, we.

Well, just leave and God, we.

Are all Bekenners multiple times in our life journey. It's not just business. Sometimes that's changing your priorities to what's going on in your life right now, and it's okay to begin again.

Are all Bekenners multiple times in our life journey. It's not just business. Sometimes that's changing your priorities to what's going on in your life right now, and it's okay to begin again.

Well well, well, hello family, how are you? And welcome back to another episode of the Woman Involved Podcast. I am your host, Sarah Jax Roberts, and this is my first time recording a podcast since our election. Like recording it live, I recorded to in advance because I was supposed to go on my vacation, but when we got the election results, we decided to postpone our trip and my husband went to Los Angeles to talk to our community there and he did delivered a message on Sunday as well.

Well well, well, hello family, how are you? And welcome back to another episode of the Woman Involved Podcast. I am your host, Sarah Jax Roberts, and this is my first time recording a podcast since our election. Like recording it live, I recorded to in advance because I was supposed to go on my vacation, but when we got the election results, we decided to postpone our trip and my husband went to Los Angeles to talk to our community there and he did delivered a message on Sunday as well.

Now some of you may be like.

Now some of you may be like.

Oh my gosh, why, I think that one of the things that we immediately noticed is our timeline, first of all, as Christian, as I'm going to just speak freely as a black Christian's, our timeline was literally kind of split down the middle. Not to say that all blacks voted for Kamala Harris or that all of our white friends voted for Donald Trump, but there was some stark contrast in their response to the election results. And I think that we saw as many people with their red hats one celebrating as we did people really dealing with a lot of despair and frustration. I think a lot of people just feeling really disheartened. And we didn't feel comfortable leaving while the community was in such grief, and so we stayed back and my husband delivered a message, you know, in an attempt to create unity, one of the things that I really love. And if you haven't heard it, you could listen to the message that was in Los Angeles or the one in Dallas. But I think one of the things that I found really courageous is that in a world where you really can't say anything right, you know, no matter what quote unquote side you're on, no matter what your beliefs are, someone's going to find something wrong, something myopic, something blind about the perspective that you bring. And that can be really intimidating for me. I'll say it's intimidating for me because I believe that most of the things that we debate about are actually quite nuanced, and social media is not the place for nuance. It's quick thoughts, headlines, one liners that we build thought pieces around, or we make judgments through, and so trying to figure out a way to connect with people while also recognizing that there's the potential for being misunderstood. There's the potential for people misconstruing what it is that you're saying. Can be it can be difficult. And so I thought it was really courageous his message on Friday, and and and I think that it was a call to unity. I will tell you that it feels impossible sometimes for us to even discover what unity looks like. There are Christians on and I'm speaking to Christians whose faith really thrives off of unity, thrives off of us being able to fellowship with one another, be empowered with one another. And yet we enter into seasons and climates like this, not just elections, but I think things happen in the news, and there's so much fracture, so much disconnect within our faith that it's difficult to think about what does unity look like when we don't share the same beliefs and we don't share the same opinions, how do we find unity? And the unity the unity really is in our spirituality. It's in our belief that Jesus saves. And I think that if any of us are truly honest, we'll say that neither party fully represents the fruit of the spirit. I don't think that Jesus is like, oh my gosh, this party is exactly bar for bar everything that I ever want to see in a party. I think that there's so much room for growth on both sides, and yet we have to choose between the lesser of two evils, and I think in the process of doing that, it creates division amongst us. And so anyways, I felt like my husband did a really good job at speaking in a way that no one's speaking right now. I think most of the time on platforms we see someone choosing one side over the other or saying nothing at all because it is so nuanced. And yet he stood in the gap and really shared a message that I felt like called me, called me out, and called me higher, and also gave me something to sit within my own prayer and worship time about how I can be creating division, how I could be making judgments about people, and it was humbling, because at the end of the day, I know that we're going to need one another in order to wage war against powers and principalities, and we can't blame one another for who left the gate open when we need everyone to be on the wall praying so beautiful message. I enjoyed it highly suggests you listening to it. If you're here and you're one of those people who feel very hopeful, feel like things are turning, the challenge would be to consider why so many people are feeling such deep grief and how can you stay true to the hope that you experienced and yet compassionate and patient with people while they may or may not come to the revelation of what you know. And if you're one of those people who are experiencing deep grief because you feel uncertainty about the future, I pray that we really lean into people who are seekers of hope, people who are committed to loving and caring for us even in seasons of uncertainty. And my prayers that God catches us all by surprise will not be amazing. If God just catches us all by surprise, no matter whether you're hopeful or in despair. Maybe those who are hopeful are caught by surprise by the revelation and the understanding of why people were feeling despair. And maybe the people who feel despair are caught by surprise because they experience hope, and maybe that's where we find unity. So, yeah, child has been an interesting week. Oh my goodness. Okay, So on a personal level, though, I got the opportunity to hope ful. First of all, a lot of you all know I've been doing this running app. It's like training for a five k. I have no plans to run a five k. I just want to learn how to run. I was going through this season of life, and by season I mean all thirty six years of my life in which I could not run, Like, yes, my legs do it, but my lungs, don't you understand? And so I had to choose, like am I going to be a runner or am I going to breathe? And I chose breath every single time. But I have been hearing that there are people who can do both. They can run and breathe at the same time, and I want to be people. So I found this app that basically through Interval training helps you to build up your endurance for running, and so it starts off like one minute on, two minutes off, one minute on, a minute and a half one, and it keeps building, you know, one and a half minutes, one minute off, until you just are running blocks straight through. And so I am on week seven and today I ran twenty seven minutes straight. Now you may be asking yourself, how fast did you run? Why would you be mine in my business? Why would you be mine in my business? Like did I just invite you into my business and give you permission to mind it?

Oh my gosh, why, I think that one of the things that we immediately noticed is our timeline, first of all, as Christian, as I'm going to just speak freely as a black Christian's, our timeline was literally kind of split down the middle. Not to say that all blacks voted for Kamala Harris or that all of our white friends voted for Donald Trump, but there was some stark contrast in their response to the election results. And I think that we saw as many people with their red hats one celebrating as we did people really dealing with a lot of despair and frustration. I think a lot of people just feeling really disheartened. And we didn't feel comfortable leaving while the community was in such grief, and so we stayed back and my husband delivered a message, you know, in an attempt to create unity, one of the things that I really love. And if you haven't heard it, you could listen to the message that was in Los Angeles or the one in Dallas. But I think one of the things that I found really courageous is that in a world where you really can't say anything right, you know, no matter what quote unquote side you're on, no matter what your beliefs are, someone's going to find something wrong, something myopic, something blind about the perspective that you bring. And that can be really intimidating for me. I'll say it's intimidating for me because I believe that most of the things that we debate about are actually quite nuanced, and social media is not the place for nuance. It's quick thoughts, headlines, one liners that we build thought pieces around, or we make judgments through, and so trying to figure out a way to connect with people while also recognizing that there's the potential for being misunderstood. There's the potential for people misconstruing what it is that you're saying. Can be it can be difficult. And so I thought it was really courageous his message on Friday, and and and I think that it was a call to unity. I will tell you that it feels impossible sometimes for us to even discover what unity looks like. There are Christians on and I'm speaking to Christians whose faith really thrives off of unity, thrives off of us being able to fellowship with one another, be empowered with one another. And yet we enter into seasons and climates like this, not just elections, but I think things happen in the news, and there's so much fracture, so much disconnect within our faith that it's difficult to think about what does unity look like when we don't share the same beliefs and we don't share the same opinions, how do we find unity? And the unity the unity really is in our spirituality. It's in our belief that Jesus saves. And I think that if any of us are truly honest, we'll say that neither party fully represents the fruit of the spirit. I don't think that Jesus is like, oh my gosh, this party is exactly bar for bar everything that I ever want to see in a party. I think that there's so much room for growth on both sides, and yet we have to choose between the lesser of two evils, and I think in the process of doing that, it creates division amongst us. And so anyways, I felt like my husband did a really good job at speaking in a way that no one's speaking right now. I think most of the time on platforms we see someone choosing one side over the other or saying nothing at all because it is so nuanced. And yet he stood in the gap and really shared a message that I felt like called me, called me out, and called me higher, and also gave me something to sit within my own prayer and worship time about how I can be creating division, how I could be making judgments about people, and it was humbling, because at the end of the day, I know that we're going to need one another in order to wage war against powers and principalities, and we can't blame one another for who left the gate open when we need everyone to be on the wall praying so beautiful message. I enjoyed it highly suggests you listening to it. If you're here and you're one of those people who feel very hopeful, feel like things are turning, the challenge would be to consider why so many people are feeling such deep grief and how can you stay true to the hope that you experienced and yet compassionate and patient with people while they may or may not come to the revelation of what you know. And if you're one of those people who are experiencing deep grief because you feel uncertainty about the future, I pray that we really lean into people who are seekers of hope, people who are committed to loving and caring for us even in seasons of uncertainty. And my prayers that God catches us all by surprise will not be amazing. If God just catches us all by surprise, no matter whether you're hopeful or in despair. Maybe those who are hopeful are caught by surprise by the revelation and the understanding of why people were feeling despair. And maybe the people who feel despair are caught by surprise because they experience hope, and maybe that's where we find unity. So, yeah, child has been an interesting week. Oh my goodness. Okay, So on a personal level, though, I got the opportunity to hope ful. First of all, a lot of you all know I've been doing this running app. It's like training for a five k. I have no plans to run a five k. I just want to learn how to run. I was going through this season of life, and by season I mean all thirty six years of my life in which I could not run, Like, yes, my legs do it, but my lungs, don't you understand? And so I had to choose, like am I going to be a runner or am I going to breathe? And I chose breath every single time. But I have been hearing that there are people who can do both. They can run and breathe at the same time, and I want to be people. So I found this app that basically through Interval training helps you to build up your endurance for running, and so it starts off like one minute on, two minutes off, one minute on, a minute and a half one, and it keeps building, you know, one and a half minutes, one minute off, until you just are running blocks straight through. And so I am on week seven and today I ran twenty seven minutes straight. Now you may be asking yourself, how fast did you run? Why would you be mine in my business? Why would you be mine in my business? Like did I just invite you into my business and give you permission to mind it?

I didn't, okay? Or I did.

I didn't, okay? Or I did.

Possibly, It doesn't matter how fast I was running, because I've been watching TikTok coaches and they say that what's most important is that you should get your breath and your rhythm and the cadence down. Don't worry about speed. You gotta get your body trained, and once you get your body trained for it, then you can increase the speed. And so I'm in training mode right now, non speed mode. Okay, So don't worry about it. Is my run, your power walk? Possibly is my run? You're cool down, probably, but don't worry about my at least I'm running. My body's doing the things, and my lungs are doing the things. So I did twenty five minutes that I tried it on Friday, and I had to get off the machine and I woke up tired. We've been up in the middle of the night talking about different things, just coming to a place of reasoning and understanding for ourselves. And then so I woke up Friday, I was tired. I got on there. I did fifteen minutes. I couldn't see those next ten that I got off the treadmill, And you know, I'm courageous. I almost thought, like Saturday, I'm gonna get up and do it. Ain't gonna let and whoop me. But Saturday I decided to make bread instead because priorities, and so I did it.

Possibly, It doesn't matter how fast I was running, because I've been watching TikTok coaches and they say that what's most important is that you should get your breath and your rhythm and the cadence down. Don't worry about speed. You gotta get your body trained, and once you get your body trained for it, then you can increase the speed. And so I'm in training mode right now, non speed mode. Okay, So don't worry about it. Is my run, your power walk? Possibly is my run? You're cool down, probably, but don't worry about my at least I'm running. My body's doing the things, and my lungs are doing the things. So I did twenty five minutes that I tried it on Friday, and I had to get off the machine and I woke up tired. We've been up in the middle of the night talking about different things, just coming to a place of reasoning and understanding for ourselves. And then so I woke up Friday, I was tired. I got on there. I did fifteen minutes. I couldn't see those next ten that I got off the treadmill, And you know, I'm courageous. I almost thought, like Saturday, I'm gonna get up and do it. Ain't gonna let and whoop me. But Saturday I decided to make bread instead because priorities, and so I did it.

Today.

Today.

Today's Monday, November eleventh, my ten year wedding anniversary. I'm so excited. I'm leaving as soon as I record this. And so, yeah, I run for twenty five minutes, and I really wanted to be My goal was to reach one seventy Right now I'm sitting at one sixty eight. My goal was to get a little bit below my goal weight, so that when I was on vacation. If I wanted to cut up a little bit, I could cut up. But I did pack workout clothes. We'll see how much weight I gain. You know, I'm gonna tell you because I discretion doesn't seem to be my thing, But I will tell you how much weight I gain. I'll tell you if I managed to work out. I packed four things of workout clothes. So I'm praying that I work out. So that's my body, that's the world. Kids are good, that we're doing a family dinner before we go out of town, and yeah, that's on period. This week, we have a mind your Business question. Part of my favorite part of the podcast is being able to hear from you. You've minded my business, so I get to mind yours. I feel like I should. Also, I shared a little bit about communion last time. I just want to randomly, what is one thing that I am like this? I asked myself this question all the time because sometimes I get so caught up in autopilot with my life. And so I'm going to give you a nugget that I give myself, and you know, I'm praying. I'm reading, but every now and then I have to bring myself into the present moment of my reality. And one of the things I've been asking myself is what is one thing that I'm learning about God right now? And what is my response or what should be my response to that? And so I ask yourself that question when I ask myself that question, and I'm asking it on the spot. One thing I'm learning about God right now? And this hit me Sunday when I was in service, is that.

Today's Monday, November eleventh, my ten year wedding anniversary. I'm so excited. I'm leaving as soon as I record this. And so, yeah, I run for twenty five minutes, and I really wanted to be My goal was to reach one seventy Right now I'm sitting at one sixty eight. My goal was to get a little bit below my goal weight, so that when I was on vacation. If I wanted to cut up a little bit, I could cut up. But I did pack workout clothes. We'll see how much weight I gain. You know, I'm gonna tell you because I discretion doesn't seem to be my thing, But I will tell you how much weight I gain. I'll tell you if I managed to work out. I packed four things of workout clothes. So I'm praying that I work out. So that's my body, that's the world. Kids are good, that we're doing a family dinner before we go out of town, and yeah, that's on period. This week, we have a mind your Business question. Part of my favorite part of the podcast is being able to hear from you. You've minded my business, so I get to mind yours. I feel like I should. Also, I shared a little bit about communion last time. I just want to randomly, what is one thing that I am like this? I asked myself this question all the time because sometimes I get so caught up in autopilot with my life. And so I'm going to give you a nugget that I give myself, and you know, I'm praying. I'm reading, but every now and then I have to bring myself into the present moment of my reality. And one of the things I've been asking myself is what is one thing that I'm learning about God right now? And what is my response or what should be my response to that? And so I ask yourself that question when I ask myself that question, and I'm asking it on the spot. One thing I'm learning about God right now? And this hit me Sunday when I was in service, is that.

God.

God.

I want to say this properly, but I want to just say it the way that it dropped in my spirit. But I feel like while I am murmuring and complaining about uncertainty, that my obedience is still moving me in the direction of God's plan for my life. And there was a moment on Sunday when I was standing in church and I just realized that I was standing in one phase of the manifestation of what God said. And as I was standing in that one phase of manifestation, I thought about how I have complained all of them, well complained, I've been worried.

I want to say this properly, but I want to just say it the way that it dropped in my spirit. But I feel like while I am murmuring and complaining about uncertainty, that my obedience is still moving me in the direction of God's plan for my life. And there was a moment on Sunday when I was standing in church and I just realized that I was standing in one phase of the manifestation of what God said. And as I was standing in that one phase of manifestation, I thought about how I have complained all of them, well complained, I've been worried.

I've been worried all along the way.

I've been worried all along the way.

And when I was in worship on Sunday, I felt like God was like, I want you to zoom out of the picture, zoom out of your doubts, zoom out of your fears, and I want you to take in what's happening at this moment in your life, and I want you to see that it's moving in the direction of what I told you it was going to be. It's moving in the it's things are changing. And one of the things that we need to learn about evolving, one of the things we need to know about growing, is that it's like watching a baby, right. Can anyone pinpoint the exact moment when a baby went from seven pounds ten ounces to in the case of my baby, who's not my baby anymore, six ' four and two hundred some pounds, Like I can't tell you that it happened overnight.

And when I was in worship on Sunday, I felt like God was like, I want you to zoom out of the picture, zoom out of your doubts, zoom out of your fears, and I want you to take in what's happening at this moment in your life, and I want you to see that it's moving in the direction of what I told you it was going to be. It's moving in the it's things are changing. And one of the things that we need to learn about evolving, one of the things we need to know about growing, is that it's like watching a baby, right. Can anyone pinpoint the exact moment when a baby went from seven pounds ten ounces to in the case of my baby, who's not my baby anymore, six ' four and two hundred some pounds, Like I can't tell you that it happened overnight.

I can just tell you that there.

I can just tell you that there.

Was this gradual, slow evolving that was happening so subtly that it just looked up. I just looked up and it seemed like I was standing in it. And I feel like I was in one of those I am right now spiritually as it relates to the development of the word that God has given me about a particular season of my life that God awakened me to the reality that is growing, that it's developing, that it's changing, and that I may miss it if I don't take the time to really look at what the Lord has done. So ask yourself that question, and what should my response be to that gratitude. I should stop complaining, I should be more thankful. It should increase my trust, it should make surrender easier. And so yeah, that's me. Okay, let's get into this week's mind your Business question.

Was this gradual, slow evolving that was happening so subtly that it just looked up. I just looked up and it seemed like I was standing in it. And I feel like I was in one of those I am right now spiritually as it relates to the development of the word that God has given me about a particular season of my life that God awakened me to the reality that is growing, that it's developing, that it's changing, and that I may miss it if I don't take the time to really look at what the Lord has done. So ask yourself that question, and what should my response be to that gratitude. I should stop complaining, I should be more thankful. It should increase my trust, it should make surrender easier. And so yeah, that's me. Okay, let's get into this week's mind your Business question.

Shoulder.

Shoulder.

Hey, how are you.

Hey, how are you.

House life for in for you?

House life for in for you?

It's been a whole week. I guess before you hear this, I was just listening to your podcast today. My name is Jaffman, and I just want to start off by saying, your vulnerability is like breath taking, Like I want to live in that space where I can be so vulnerable and open and just like digress my emotional trauma in a sense where I can just be okay with where I've been and where I come from, came from despite all that. I just wanted to just kind of touch basis on the whole subject and matter today of like infidelity and cheating and thinning and leaving and how you work through those concepts of going through you know, the accepting and going through the are we stenting or are we going part of the situation. I've been in a situation for about six years now. And when I say Guy has been dealing with me with growing learning to trust again and trying to challenging me, like to overcome those insecurities I have, It's so crazy because it's the morning before I even listen to the podcast, I was in deep out and my ventual prayer with God and just trying to figure out how and when then I become so insecure with self and life that every little thing triggers me and I just get so overwhelmed and I get to, like you said, mister you saying I was about to go to Triil, I be wanting to murder somebody like you about to go because I feel like my feelings.

It's been a whole week. I guess before you hear this, I was just listening to your podcast today. My name is Jaffman, and I just want to start off by saying, your vulnerability is like breath taking, Like I want to live in that space where I can be so vulnerable and open and just like digress my emotional trauma in a sense where I can just be okay with where I've been and where I come from, came from despite all that. I just wanted to just kind of touch basis on the whole subject and matter today of like infidelity and cheating and thinning and leaving and how you work through those concepts of going through you know, the accepting and going through the are we stenting or are we going part of the situation. I've been in a situation for about six years now. And when I say Guy has been dealing with me with growing learning to trust again and trying to challenging me, like to overcome those insecurities I have, It's so crazy because it's the morning before I even listen to the podcast, I was in deep out and my ventual prayer with God and just trying to figure out how and when then I become so insecure with self and life that every little thing triggers me and I just get so overwhelmed and I get to, like you said, mister you saying I was about to go to Triil, I be wanting to murder somebody like you about to go because I feel like my feelings.

Are too deep.

Are too deep.

And I get to this sense of maybe this is idol life, and then maybe I'm loving him too far and maybe this is my idol and just kind of trying to find a balance with I mean, what did I get to this point.

And I get to this sense of maybe this is idol life, and then maybe I'm loving him too far and maybe this is my idol and just kind of trying to find a balance with I mean, what did I get to this point.

That I'm really like.

That I'm really like.

Insecure and all myself? And I know when I was growing up, I was molested at a young age, like as a little girl, like.

Insecure and all myself? And I know when I was growing up, I was molested at a young age, like as a little girl, like.

From men and women.

From men and women.

So like my whole mindset was like, didn't nobody love me if nobody was touching me? And like I was just like in a in a household where like a bruce was a thing like screaming, yelling, woofings. It was just sad. So the most love in our tenderness I felt was when it was coming from somebody taking something from me, and it's like that's I don't know. I think that's where my mind kind of shifted instructor structured in a way that if somebody loved me like you touching me, I need you to love me. I need you to love me in the fullness of everything, because that's the only way I know that luck is you know it's reciprocated. I guess, I guess the kind of played out.

So like my whole mindset was like, didn't nobody love me if nobody was touching me? And like I was just like in a in a household where like a bruce was a thing like screaming, yelling, woofings. It was just sad. So the most love in our tenderness I felt was when it was coming from somebody taking something from me, and it's like that's I don't know. I think that's where my mind kind of shifted instructor structured in a way that if somebody loved me like you touching me, I need you to love me. I need you to love me in the fullness of everything, because that's the only way I know that luck is you know it's reciprocated. I guess, I guess the kind of played out.

I'm not sure if hey, girl, I asked super love this question, so I'm going to be transparent. When I was listening to it, it cut off at three minutes. And because I'm recording this before I go on the plane, if they are able to find if you're listening to this and it cut off, it cut off for me too. If you're listening to this and it didn't cut off. It means that they found the other part of it and was able to tack it in. So I am answering and get based off of the first three minutes, and let's see what happens.

I'm not sure if hey, girl, I asked super love this question, so I'm going to be transparent. When I was listening to it, it cut off at three minutes. And because I'm recording this before I go on the plane, if they are able to find if you're listening to this and it cut off, it cut off for me too. If you're listening to this and it didn't cut off. It means that they found the other part of it and was able to tack it in. So I am answering and get based off of the first three minutes, and let's see what happens.

So, first of all, I.

So, first of all, I.

Am so so sorry for I'm going to go directly for the little girl inside of you, not just for the woman you have become, Because sometimes when we grow and mature and we're no longer in an experience anymore, it can be difficult for us to feel the pain and grief or to tap into it easily. And so I'm not just apologizing to you for as in who you are now, but I want to apologize to the little girl who experienced abuse, who was afraid and angry. I want to apologize to the little girl who should have been protected, who should have been loved and cared for. In the most purest form. I want to apologize to the little girl who bears the scars of another person's brokenness. I'm so so sorry that you experience that. And what is unfortunate about molestation, about abuse is that it can become so prevalent, so common in so many of our stories that it's normalized, and there's nothing normal about what you have gone through when you talk about the rage that you experience as an adult woman in a relationship, a rage that you know that I know very well. I want you to recognize that part of what I had to learn about me and where I was at that time is that it really wasn't even about the person I was in a relationship with. It was about me trying to hang on to what little value I thought I could have in making a relationship work. It was about me hanging on to those moments of worth and value that came from feeling like I had been chosen, even if that person didn't choose me consistently. When I look at it in hindsight, it really wasn't about him. It was really about me not wanting to lose any more than I had already lost, and so I fought for it. And I was angry with him because of not just because of what he did, but because of what what he did. It was about how what he did stripped me of the little bit of worth that I had left. It was about leaving me more bankrupt than I already was before we came into this relationship. It was all of the anger and frustration that I never got to release to the people in my life who had hurt me or abandoned me or rejected me. It was the things that I couldn't say. It was the no talking back. It was the be seen and not heard. It was the swallow, the depression. It was the you're a dirty girl, you're a nasty girl.

Am so so sorry for I'm going to go directly for the little girl inside of you, not just for the woman you have become, Because sometimes when we grow and mature and we're no longer in an experience anymore, it can be difficult for us to feel the pain and grief or to tap into it easily. And so I'm not just apologizing to you for as in who you are now, but I want to apologize to the little girl who experienced abuse, who was afraid and angry. I want to apologize to the little girl who should have been protected, who should have been loved and cared for. In the most purest form. I want to apologize to the little girl who bears the scars of another person's brokenness. I'm so so sorry that you experience that. And what is unfortunate about molestation, about abuse is that it can become so prevalent, so common in so many of our stories that it's normalized, and there's nothing normal about what you have gone through when you talk about the rage that you experience as an adult woman in a relationship, a rage that you know that I know very well. I want you to recognize that part of what I had to learn about me and where I was at that time is that it really wasn't even about the person I was in a relationship with. It was about me trying to hang on to what little value I thought I could have in making a relationship work. It was about me hanging on to those moments of worth and value that came from feeling like I had been chosen, even if that person didn't choose me consistently. When I look at it in hindsight, it really wasn't about him. It was really about me not wanting to lose any more than I had already lost, and so I fought for it. And I was angry with him because of not just because of what he did, but because of what what he did. It was about how what he did stripped me of the little bit of worth that I had left. It was about leaving me more bankrupt than I already was before we came into this relationship. It was all of the anger and frustration that I never got to release to the people in my life who had hurt me or abandoned me or rejected me. It was the things that I couldn't say. It was the no talking back. It was the be seen and not heard. It was the swallow, the depression. It was the you're a dirty girl, you're a nasty girl.

Like.

Like.

All of that was awakened and stirred up in those moments of intense rage. And it wasn't until I realized that my biggest issue wasn't how do I make this relationship work? It was how do I learn to love the parts of me that make me cringe? How do I forgive myself? How do I no longer see myself as less than when I started asking myself questions about where my own bleeding was coming from. I didn't see change until then, and I became fascinated by faith.

All of that was awakened and stirred up in those moments of intense rage. And it wasn't until I realized that my biggest issue wasn't how do I make this relationship work? It was how do I learn to love the parts of me that make me cringe? How do I forgive myself? How do I no longer see myself as less than when I started asking myself questions about where my own bleeding was coming from. I didn't see change until then, and I became fascinated by faith.

Even though I started off rejected.

Even though I started off rejected.

I became fascinated by faith because I felt like one of the things that either wasn't loud or wasn't said, is how much God's love can stand regardless of what we go through. How the love of God stands up in shame. How the love of God stands up in pain, How the love of God stands up in rejection and abandonment. How the love of God is a life wrath that is available to us whenever we're drowning, and it's incomprehensible. There's a book called Love Beyond Reason that really helped me on my journey. But I want you to understand that what you're looking for in peace, what you're looking for in wholeness, what you're looking for in safety, it's never going to come from a human. Even the most perfect partner is going to have moments where they have a bad day, where their own issues spring up. And your safety can't rest in another person. Your safety has to rest in this reality that I can get to well, just me and God. I can get to well. And by faith, I started believing what God said about me. And by faith, I started tapping into the revelation of what it meant to be fearfully and wonderfully made, recognizing that when those words are said that we're fearfully and wonderfully made, that it's not because I did everything the right way. It's not because I didn't make bad choices. It's because that's just how God sees me. And God hasn't changed his mind about me. And I feel like, no matter how many times I'm like, but God, look at this scar, Oh but God, look at this thought? Oh but God, look at these actions like I don't love me? How could you love me? Guys like, don't contain my love to what.

I became fascinated by faith because I felt like one of the things that either wasn't loud or wasn't said, is how much God's love can stand regardless of what we go through. How the love of God stands up in shame. How the love of God stands up in pain, How the love of God stands up in rejection and abandonment. How the love of God is a life wrath that is available to us whenever we're drowning, and it's incomprehensible. There's a book called Love Beyond Reason that really helped me on my journey. But I want you to understand that what you're looking for in peace, what you're looking for in wholeness, what you're looking for in safety, it's never going to come from a human. Even the most perfect partner is going to have moments where they have a bad day, where their own issues spring up. And your safety can't rest in another person. Your safety has to rest in this reality that I can get to well, just me and God. I can get to well. And by faith, I started believing what God said about me. And by faith, I started tapping into the revelation of what it meant to be fearfully and wonderfully made, recognizing that when those words are said that we're fearfully and wonderfully made, that it's not because I did everything the right way. It's not because I didn't make bad choices. It's because that's just how God sees me. And God hasn't changed his mind about me. And I feel like, no matter how many times I'm like, but God, look at this scar, Oh but God, look at this thought? Oh but God, look at these actions like I don't love me? How could you love me? Guys like, don't contain my love to what.

You can understand.

You can understand.

But dare to believe that the love that I have for you has nothing to do with what you did, and everything to do with who I am.

But dare to believe that the love that I have for you has nothing to do with what you did, and everything to do with who I am.

God is love. And when love.

God is love. And when love.

Extends itself to you to say, if I am loved, how would that change things for me? There's a scripture it's I want to say first John four in eighteen. Read your whole Bible. You'll find it. As my husband would say, but I'm going to google it this side. There is no fear in love, but perfect love cast out fear because fear has torment. He that fears is not made perfect in love. So whenever I begin to feel fear, when if I begin to feel fear, oh my gosh, am I losing you? All of those are fears. So recognizing that that's fear, am I losing them? Are they upset with me, I'm asking I have to ask myself, what are you afraid of? What are you afraid of it this moment? Oh my gosh, are they laughing at me? Oh my gosh, you're they talking about? What is the fear connected with those thoughts that are in your head? And what revelation of love would change the way that you're comprehending that fear. So for me, it comes down to, Okay, am I losing them?

Extends itself to you to say, if I am loved, how would that change things for me? There's a scripture it's I want to say first John four in eighteen. Read your whole Bible. You'll find it. As my husband would say, but I'm going to google it this side. There is no fear in love, but perfect love cast out fear because fear has torment. He that fears is not made perfect in love. So whenever I begin to feel fear, when if I begin to feel fear, oh my gosh, am I losing you? All of those are fears. So recognizing that that's fear, am I losing them? Are they upset with me, I'm asking I have to ask myself, what are you afraid of? What are you afraid of it this moment? Oh my gosh, are they laughing at me? Oh my gosh, you're they talking about? What is the fear connected with those thoughts that are in your head? And what revelation of love would change the way that you're comprehending that fear. So for me, it comes down to, Okay, am I losing them?

Right?

Right?

I'm afraid that I'm losing this person? What would a revelation of love look like for me? It would mean that I'll be okay if they're not here, that God will still take care of me. What would a revelation I'm not just love but perfect love, so love from God. What is it that I would need to know about God in order to no longer be afraid of this outcome that is tormenting me. I would need to know that even this would work out. I would need to know that what I don't know God will give me or fill me with knowledge as I move on. I would need to know that there's still a plan for me outside of this. And I don't even mean just in the betrayals of infidelity. But when you think about grief, when you think about moving to a new city, when you think about having to make hard decisions about friendships and family, to be able to ask yourself, what would a revelation of God's perfect love do for me in this situation? What fear would it cast out? Wrestling with that scripture, believing that scripture is truth and really doing that work to allow my heart then to receive. So then when I pray, I'm like, God, don't the prayers not? God? Make them stay the prayers? God, don't you know it's not God? Please make them act right? The prayer is God, Please give me a revelation of how loved I am outside of the existence or the tumultuous nature of this relationship. God, please help me to experience your love such a strong way right now in my worship, right now, in my prayer. At some point as I'm going throughout the day, that I am reminded that this person is not my only source of love, that you are the ultimate source of my love. And so I think being able to offer up those levels of prayer and sincerity helped me to move and heal. I left the relationship, and I always say this to people. Well, I won't say I don't say this to people because I think this is irresponsible to say as a whole back to nuance, because social media is not the place for nuance, and technically neither is this platform. But I figure, if you're listening to this podcast, you got a little room for nuance. But when I'm talking to my friends and maybe they're in a toxic relationship, I'm like, I think you should stay.

I'm afraid that I'm losing this person? What would a revelation of love look like for me? It would mean that I'll be okay if they're not here, that God will still take care of me. What would a revelation I'm not just love but perfect love, so love from God. What is it that I would need to know about God in order to no longer be afraid of this outcome that is tormenting me. I would need to know that even this would work out. I would need to know that what I don't know God will give me or fill me with knowledge as I move on. I would need to know that there's still a plan for me outside of this. And I don't even mean just in the betrayals of infidelity. But when you think about grief, when you think about moving to a new city, when you think about having to make hard decisions about friendships and family, to be able to ask yourself, what would a revelation of God's perfect love do for me in this situation? What fear would it cast out? Wrestling with that scripture, believing that scripture is truth and really doing that work to allow my heart then to receive. So then when I pray, I'm like, God, don't the prayers not? God? Make them stay the prayers? God, don't you know it's not God? Please make them act right? The prayer is God, Please give me a revelation of how loved I am outside of the existence or the tumultuous nature of this relationship. God, please help me to experience your love such a strong way right now in my worship, right now, in my prayer. At some point as I'm going throughout the day, that I am reminded that this person is not my only source of love, that you are the ultimate source of my love. And so I think being able to offer up those levels of prayer and sincerity helped me to move and heal. I left the relationship, and I always say this to people. Well, I won't say I don't say this to people because I think this is irresponsible to say as a whole back to nuance, because social media is not the place for nuance, and technically neither is this platform. But I figure, if you're listening to this podcast, you got a little room for nuance. But when I'm talking to my friends and maybe they're in a toxic relationship, I'm like, I think you should stay.

They're like, I should say, did you hear what he did to me?

They're like, I should say, did you hear what he did to me?

Da?

Da?

Da?

Da?

I'm like, but if you're asking me what you should do, I think you should stay because if you are not made up in your mind that you need to walk away, I am not going to sit here and tell you what you already know. Like you already know that this behavior year is inappropriate. You know that this behavior doesn't have integrity. You know this behavior is dragging you down and driving you crazy. Like you don't need me to tell you that, because you're the one with the clown knows on. Okay, So I am just saying that you should stay until you decide that you need to leave. There's nuance in that, right, because I'm not telling anyone to stay in an abusive relationship. But these like back and forth, dramatic emotional up and down relationships. I'm like, until you're at a place where you're really ready to do the work of reclaiming your heart, of dealing with loneliness, of ignoring phone calls, and not going back and forth like baby girl, don't I want off them?

I'm like, but if you're asking me what you should do, I think you should stay because if you are not made up in your mind that you need to walk away, I am not going to sit here and tell you what you already know. Like you already know that this behavior year is inappropriate. You know that this behavior doesn't have integrity. You know this behavior is dragging you down and driving you crazy. Like you don't need me to tell you that, because you're the one with the clown knows on. Okay, So I am just saying that you should stay until you decide that you need to leave. There's nuance in that, right, because I'm not telling anyone to stay in an abusive relationship. But these like back and forth, dramatic emotional up and down relationships. I'm like, until you're at a place where you're really ready to do the work of reclaiming your heart, of dealing with loneliness, of ignoring phone calls, and not going back and forth like baby girl, don't I want off them?

Arry go round?

Arry go round?

If you want to go around this thing over and over again, that's on you, you know what I mean. I think you should stay until you get dizzy. I think you should stay until you get sick of it. I think you should stay until you never get back on that thing again. And that moment comes. I will say nine out of ten times I've had friends be like, you know what, I'm actually finished this time, And when they do, their life begins to move even progress and into a more healthy pattern. And so I am not one to focus on the relationship as much as I am who you are in their relationship. What does that relationship mean to you? Is that meaning rooted in something healthy? And if not, how do we uproot your thoughts? How do we uproot your needs and place them into a spiritual environment, a spiritual development of ultimately holiness and sanctification that allows you to experience wholeness, and whoever's in your life, their job is to help to protect that holiness and not to add to your brokenness. That's not to say they want to have moments where they chip at you, but they'll be convicted, they'll offer to the Lord in prayer, and they won't do it again. That's a long answer for a long question, and I pray that it helps you evolve. I'm so excited about this week's podcast. We've talked about spiritual health, emotional health, about what we're learning about God and how things are changing for us. I want to talk about our physical health. So I, well, you guys, I guess I talked about physical health a little bit, but I want to talk about flipping the switch right because I do believe that getting into an active lifestyle is more mental than physical. Like, yes, I don't want to be tired, but also my mind is not even a place to be letting the treadmill whoop me when life is whooping me. It's like, I've all my life I had to fight. Why would I then get up and fight to not, you know, breathe, and yet there are so many studies about the benefits of taking care of our bodies and what it does for our mental, what it does for our emotional, what it does for our life, our clarity, our mind. And I don't think that there's anyone who can deny that when you work out, you start to feel a little bit better.

If you want to go around this thing over and over again, that's on you, you know what I mean. I think you should stay until you get dizzy. I think you should stay until you get sick of it. I think you should stay until you never get back on that thing again. And that moment comes. I will say nine out of ten times I've had friends be like, you know what, I'm actually finished this time, And when they do, their life begins to move even progress and into a more healthy pattern. And so I am not one to focus on the relationship as much as I am who you are in their relationship. What does that relationship mean to you? Is that meaning rooted in something healthy? And if not, how do we uproot your thoughts? How do we uproot your needs and place them into a spiritual environment, a spiritual development of ultimately holiness and sanctification that allows you to experience wholeness, and whoever's in your life, their job is to help to protect that holiness and not to add to your brokenness. That's not to say they want to have moments where they chip at you, but they'll be convicted, they'll offer to the Lord in prayer, and they won't do it again. That's a long answer for a long question, and I pray that it helps you evolve. I'm so excited about this week's podcast. We've talked about spiritual health, emotional health, about what we're learning about God and how things are changing for us. I want to talk about our physical health. So I, well, you guys, I guess I talked about physical health a little bit, but I want to talk about flipping the switch right because I do believe that getting into an active lifestyle is more mental than physical. Like, yes, I don't want to be tired, but also my mind is not even a place to be letting the treadmill whoop me when life is whooping me. It's like, I've all my life I had to fight. Why would I then get up and fight to not, you know, breathe, and yet there are so many studies about the benefits of taking care of our bodies and what it does for our mental, what it does for our emotional, what it does for our life, our clarity, our mind. And I don't think that there's anyone who can deny that when you work out, you start to feel a little bit better.

I hate it.

I hate it.

I wish it wasn't true. I wish they were lying, but the girls are telling the truth. When you work out, it changes the way that you show up in the world. Having said that, it's hard to get started, but I found during the pandemic Grow with Joe. She has a YouTube channel that has so many, so many subscribers, literally millions upon millions of views. People are watching her videos and they're watching them listen because they want to get in an active lifestyle, but maybe time is not on their side. They don't have Jimmy quipment, they're not at their optimal fitness level, and so they're looking for just a way to get started. And when they get started with Grow with Joe, they learn very quickly that it doesn't take.

I wish it wasn't true. I wish they were lying, but the girls are telling the truth. When you work out, it changes the way that you show up in the world. Having said that, it's hard to get started, but I found during the pandemic Grow with Joe. She has a YouTube channel that has so many, so many subscribers, literally millions upon millions of views. People are watching her videos and they're watching them listen because they want to get in an active lifestyle, but maybe time is not on their side. They don't have Jimmy quipment, they're not at their optimal fitness level, and so they're looking for just a way to get started. And when they get started with Grow with Joe, they learn very quickly that it doesn't take.

A whole lot to do a whole lot.

A whole lot to do a whole lot.

It doesn't require a whole lot of experience, a whole lot of form, a whole lot of stress in order to do something. They gets your heart pumping and your body moving. What I love the most about Growth with Joe is that someone who maybe is a little bit more active maybe look at the workouts and be like, oh my gosh, you know, just walking, I don't see how that's really going to get my blood flowing and bloodsweededing. Baby, I promise you you do with Growth with Joe. I don't care what your fitness level is. You know, I'm not the most fit, really, but I've been. You know, I ran for twenty five minutes. I mean I am a track star.

It doesn't require a whole lot of experience, a whole lot of form, a whole lot of stress in order to do something. They gets your heart pumping and your body moving. What I love the most about Growth with Joe is that someone who maybe is a little bit more active maybe look at the workouts and be like, oh my gosh, you know, just walking, I don't see how that's really going to get my blood flowing and bloodsweededing. Baby, I promise you you do with Growth with Joe. I don't care what your fitness level is. You know, I'm not the most fit, really, but I've been. You know, I ran for twenty five minutes. I mean I am a track star.

You know what I mean.

You know what I mean.

I'm not the most fitg really, but I am a track star. And I did ten minutes with Missus Joe, and my whole life was looking like o MG. And so I definitely want you all to get plugged in with her work, but I want you all to have an opportunity to know the woman behind the work. I think her story is especially important for those of you who are content creators and you don't even know it, or you're wondering, how do I take something that seems, you know, seemingly inconsequential and really honor the fact that God is using it. How can I be a good steward over it? She's got so many tips about how her life has changed, how she came to a place of fit in but fitness, but also how she was able to be a good steward over what given her. So I'm so excited for you to enjoy this conversation. She came to Woman Evolved, She got the crowd moving. I love seeing the videos of us working out in place, and so now I am grateful for you all to get to know we're introducing to some presenting to others grow with Jill. I was looking at your social media obviously, like many people, I've been following you, and it seems like this year has been I mean, you guys just got back from China, is that right?

I'm not the most fitg really, but I am a track star. And I did ten minutes with Missus Joe, and my whole life was looking like o MG. And so I definitely want you all to get plugged in with her work, but I want you all to have an opportunity to know the woman behind the work. I think her story is especially important for those of you who are content creators and you don't even know it, or you're wondering, how do I take something that seems, you know, seemingly inconsequential and really honor the fact that God is using it. How can I be a good steward over it? She's got so many tips about how her life has changed, how she came to a place of fit in but fitness, but also how she was able to be a good steward over what given her. So I'm so excited for you to enjoy this conversation. She came to Woman Evolved, She got the crowd moving. I love seeing the videos of us working out in place, and so now I am grateful for you all to get to know we're introducing to some presenting to others grow with Jill. I was looking at your social media obviously, like many people, I've been following you, and it seems like this year has been I mean, you guys just got back from China, is that right?

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, if that's just caught the jet leg Oh really, how was it?

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, if that's just caught the jet leg Oh really, how was it?

Yeah? It was amazing. It was a life changing experience. It was very cool to meet my community there because I have a community there and nobody really knows about it because they're on a completely different platform, a whole different format. So just meeting them and hearing their stories and being able to hug each and every one of them was just it was life changing.

Yeah? It was amazing. It was a life changing experience. It was very cool to meet my community there because I have a community there and nobody really knows about it because they're on a completely different platform, a whole different format. So just meeting them and hearing their stories and being able to hug each and every one of them was just it was life changing.

It was amazing.

It was amazing.

That's amazing.

That's amazing.

Okay, So I would love to know just more about like who were you as a child, Like I want to grow with Joe today literally, like but take me to the beginning, like what was your family life?

Okay, So I would love to know just more about like who were you as a child, Like I want to grow with Joe today literally, like but take me to the beginning, like what was your family life?

Like where are you from? Like I want to mind your business.

Like where are you from? Like I want to mind your business.

Okay, Yeah, so I grew up in Canada. Actually I grew up in a very small town called Newtonville. Even the people in surrounding cities or towns don't even know where it is, that's how tiny it was. It's like four kilometers across or a couple miles across. And yeah, that was I grew up in a Christian home. I grew up in a Christian household. I have ten siblings. I'm all from the same parents, which is wild. It was even during that time, was like.

Okay, Yeah, so I grew up in Canada. Actually I grew up in a very small town called Newtonville. Even the people in surrounding cities or towns don't even know where it is, that's how tiny it was. It's like four kilometers across or a couple miles across. And yeah, that was I grew up in a Christian home. I grew up in a Christian household. I have ten siblings. I'm all from the same parents, which is wild. It was even during that time, was like.

What eleven kids?

What eleven kids?

There's eleven kids in your where do you fall in the eleven?

There's eleven kids in your where do you fall in the eleven?

I'm the youngest girl, so I have two younger brothers. And then my mom was done. But I think after me, my mom was like, oh I'm done because I was first c section okay, and then she asked God to give her two more boys to help my dad as he gets older, and so she had the two boys.

I'm the youngest girl, so I have two younger brothers. And then my mom was done. But I think after me, my mom was like, oh I'm done because I was first c section okay, and then she asked God to give her two more boys to help my dad as he gets older, and so she had the two boys.

And yeah, so I grew up in a.

And yeah, so I grew up in a.

Very god fearing household. I went to a Christian school, elementary school, and high school, and that was an amazing experience. I really grew there. And then I went off to university, and that was to a secular university that was like far.

Very god fearing household. I went to a Christian school, elementary school, and high school, and that was an amazing experience. I really grew there. And then I went off to university, and that was to a secular university that was like far.

Away from home.

Away from home.

I was only sixteen when I went. Yeah, my parents were very like, I don't know if we should let you go, you should take a gap year.

I was only sixteen when I went. Yeah, my parents were very like, I don't know if we should let you go, you should take a gap year.

And I was like, no, I want to go.

And I was like, no, I want to go.

My best friend's going, so I want to go. And that's when I actually started to I would say test the grounds of where my faith was, who I was, because all this time I had grown up in like just saying like Christian family household. It was like read the Bible every night, every morning. My parents would instill in us. We had to memorize Bible versus. I actually had a family band growing up, so we would sing gospel music. We would travel around Canada and our bus turned into an RV and we would minister to people all over Canada.

My best friend's going, so I want to go. And that's when I actually started to I would say test the grounds of where my faith was, who I was, because all this time I had grown up in like just saying like Christian family household. It was like read the Bible every night, every morning. My parents would instill in us. We had to memorize Bible versus. I actually had a family band growing up, so we would sing gospel music. We would travel around Canada and our bus turned into an RV and we would minister to people all over Canada.

And so I was very very.

And so I was very very.

Very ingrained in Christian philosophy and knowing God, but I didn't truly know God and come to God until university. So that was a whole experience in and of itself, going so young and learning a lot about myself, and I joined a church there, experienced church hurt for the first time and realizing it took a good two three years for me to realize that, you know, God isn't who people say they are necessarily or the actions of the people who follow him or actually do follow him. God is God, and I had to separate who he was represented as and we actually is in the relationship that I can help with him.

Very ingrained in Christian philosophy and knowing God, but I didn't truly know God and come to God until university. So that was a whole experience in and of itself, going so young and learning a lot about myself, and I joined a church there, experienced church hurt for the first time and realizing it took a good two three years for me to realize that, you know, God isn't who people say they are necessarily or the actions of the people who follow him or actually do follow him. God is God, and I had to separate who he was represented as and we actually is in the relationship that I can help with him.

So that was a whole experience.

So that was a whole experience.

I really grew during that phase, and from there I started to work in fitness.

I really grew during that phase, and from there I started to work in fitness.

I worked in a gym and realized I was.

I worked in a gym and realized I was.

Able to help other people reach their goals, and then I eventually started growing with Joe, and then I met my husband and the rest is history.

Able to help other people reach their goals, and then I eventually started growing with Joe, and then I met my husband and the rest is history.

I love that there's like, Okay, I love because I grew up in a Christian home as well, but I had to have my own faith journey, and I think sometimes when you grow up in a family of faith, people think that faith comes easy to you, and it I sometimes feel like people who were introduced to faith at a later point in life have maybe a deeper initial appreciation for it because they know life without it, whereas when you're kind of always around it. It's I feel like, at least for me, that I may have taken it for granted a little bit, and it wasn't until I had my own experiences that I was like, Okay, let's figure out what this God thing is and how does it apply to my life. What do you think that you are doing differently as it relates to your spirituality being practiced in your home and in your children. That may be just an evolution from what you experience growing up. I guess I'm going to make it balance. What are you doing that's the same, and what are you doing that is an evolution?

I love that there's like, Okay, I love because I grew up in a Christian home as well, but I had to have my own faith journey, and I think sometimes when you grow up in a family of faith, people think that faith comes easy to you, and it I sometimes feel like people who were introduced to faith at a later point in life have maybe a deeper initial appreciation for it because they know life without it, whereas when you're kind of always around it. It's I feel like, at least for me, that I may have taken it for granted a little bit, and it wasn't until I had my own experiences that I was like, Okay, let's figure out what this God thing is and how does it apply to my life. What do you think that you are doing differently as it relates to your spirituality being practiced in your home and in your children. That may be just an evolution from what you experience growing up. I guess I'm going to make it balance. What are you doing that's the same, and what are you doing that is an evolution?

Yeah, So in terms of the same, I definitely am reach reading by myself and like practicing being diligent in the word. Something that I actually have been struggling with, not struggling with, but fighting with is like I always felt like, oh, like it needs to come naturally. If I love God, then I should be able to like get up early in the morning and study the Word, and you know, I write in a prayer journal.

Yeah, So in terms of the same, I definitely am reach reading by myself and like practicing being diligent in the word. Something that I actually have been struggling with, not struggling with, but fighting with is like I always felt like, oh, like it needs to come naturally. If I love God, then I should be able to like get up early in the morning and study the Word, and you know, I write in a prayer journal.

That's something that I do.

That's something that I do.

I sometimes I've struggled in the past with thinking that my prayers just saying them out loud or even in my head were enow or substantial, because then I would say it and then I would completely forget it. So I write things down every time I am praying and talking to God, and it also helps me reflect back on, you know, what I've asked for and what God has taught me. I'll write down the verses that I read and be like, you know, this is the verse that I really felt the Holy Spirit.

I sometimes I've struggled in the past with thinking that my prayers just saying them out loud or even in my head were enow or substantial, because then I would say it and then I would completely forget it. So I write things down every time I am praying and talking to God, and it also helps me reflect back on, you know, what I've asked for and what God has taught me. I'll write down the verses that I read and be like, you know, this is the verse that I really felt the Holy Spirit.

Talking to me through.

Talking to me through.

And I feel like that was the same because my mom used to do that. I used to look at her like she's so devout like. And one thing actually the last couple of days that I've been asking God is like, why am I not able to do this naturally? Why does not this not come naturally? And I felt the Holy Spirit saying, you know, everybody thinks that love, like in a marriage or a relationship, comes naturally when they look from the outside, But in actuality, it's works. It sometimes comes naturally and it sometimes requires work. And that's the same with our relationship with God. Sometimes it'll come naturally, and sometimes you have to force yourself to get up to open that Bible to find the words to say, or ask the Holy Spirit to speak to you. And it's it's not all going to be easy. And that's dedication. That's that's commitment. That's really truly loving God, not just expecting it to come easy and only doing it when the motivation or the feelings of oh I should do this happen.

And I feel like that was the same because my mom used to do that. I used to look at her like she's so devout like. And one thing actually the last couple of days that I've been asking God is like, why am I not able to do this naturally? Why does not this not come naturally? And I felt the Holy Spirit saying, you know, everybody thinks that love, like in a marriage or a relationship, comes naturally when they look from the outside, But in actuality, it's works. It sometimes comes naturally and it sometimes requires work. And that's the same with our relationship with God. Sometimes it'll come naturally, and sometimes you have to force yourself to get up to open that Bible to find the words to say, or ask the Holy Spirit to speak to you. And it's it's not all going to be easy. And that's dedication. That's that's commitment. That's really truly loving God, not just expecting it to come easy and only doing it when the motivation or the feelings of oh I should do this happen.

I love that analogy because I feel like, whether it's faith or taking care of your body, or choosing to forgive, or showing up as the person you want to be in sat it being defensive or being prideful, choosing vulnerability, like if you wait until you feel like it, you may never do it. We have to constantly ask ourselves, like, but what is it that I know I need to do what's going to make me better? Because I can't always trust what I feel like doing it. Sometimes I don't feel like talking to anybody. I don't feel like forgive it, I don't feel Joe, I don't feel like working out.

I love that analogy because I feel like, whether it's faith or taking care of your body, or choosing to forgive, or showing up as the person you want to be in sat it being defensive or being prideful, choosing vulnerability, like if you wait until you feel like it, you may never do it. We have to constantly ask ourselves, like, but what is it that I know I need to do what's going to make me better? Because I can't always trust what I feel like doing it. Sometimes I don't feel like talking to anybody. I don't feel like forgive it, I don't feel Joe, I don't feel like working out.

Can we talk about it? I you know, I'm trying to learn how.

Can we talk about it? I you know, I'm trying to learn how.

To run and I just I don't feel like I am as I ran for twenty two minutes today and I you know, I wanted to quit it many times, but I pushed through. I did it, Yeah, and I'm gonna try again. I want to talk a little bit about like was fitness a part of your life growing up or like did you stumble into it when you were in your college years?

To run and I just I don't feel like I am as I ran for twenty two minutes today and I you know, I wanted to quit it many times, but I pushed through. I did it, Yeah, and I'm gonna try again. I want to talk a little bit about like was fitness a part of your life growing up or like did you stumble into it when you were in your college years?

Is there your whole family active?

Is there your whole family active?

So no, that's actually an interesting question because I was always I considered myself that tomboy growing up, Like I would always play soft and I was really into you know, I don't want to play soccer with the girls. I want to be with the boys, and like I'm really good, Like I.

So no, that's actually an interesting question because I was always I considered myself that tomboy growing up, Like I would always play soft and I was really into you know, I don't want to play soccer with the girls. I want to be with the boys, and like I'm really good, Like I.

Was competitive growing up.

Was competitive growing up.

And then when I went to university, had I tried out for the soccer team, the varsity soccer team, thinking that my little recess time was enough to help me get into that team, and sadly, I didn't make it. And so from there I stopped activity altogether because that was all of my only means of exercise and I had actually in my childhood grown up, I've since forgiven them, but my family, some of my family members would make fun of me because I'm chubby.

And then when I went to university, had I tried out for the soccer team, the varsity soccer team, thinking that my little recess time was enough to help me get into that team, and sadly, I didn't make it. And so from there I stopped activity altogether because that was all of my only means of exercise and I had actually in my childhood grown up, I've since forgiven them, but my family, some of my family members would make fun of me because I'm chubby.

Chubby, I grew up chevy, and I was really hurt by that, and I was like, you know what.

Chubby, I grew up chevy, and I was really hurt by that, and I was like, you know what.

I went to school for kinesiology, which is about how the body moves, how it functions, how to come back from injury, how athletes move, how athletes can mactimize the performance.

I went to school for kinesiology, which is about how the body moves, how it functions, how to come back from injury, how athletes move, how athletes can mactimize the performance.

And so I would look around me in my class and be like, how are all these people so fit?

And so I would look around me in my class and be like, how are all these people so fit?

What are they doing?

What are they doing?

And so I actually started working out in my dorm room. I followed Insanity. Do you know that program?

And so I actually started working out in my dorm room. I followed Insanity. Do you know that program?

It's my shot tea. It's like a beach body program.

It's my shot tea. It's like a beach body program.

Yes, yea beach yes, okay, yeah.

Yes, yea beach yes, okay, yeah.

So I actually had my beginnings just working out in my dorm room, which is it became full circle because now I just work out in my living room or in my bedroom. And that's when I started to get exposed to fitness. And then I started in the gym. I became more confident, confident and confident, finished that challenge, moved on to the gym, started lifting weights, and then I got really competitive about it. But starting out with my family, no, it wasn't a thing. I was the one that kind of led the movement with my family.