It's giving homegirl-time in the sanctuary! And Delegation, who better to tag team the mic than our favs, SJR and Dr. Anita Phillips? These two are dropping a whole lotta gems as they reflect on the lessons that left a lasting impact, testify to the deep satisfaction found in Christ, and share how to beat the holiday blues. If you’re looking to exchange your triggers for glimmers, Sis, then this episode is for you!
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. I would spend less time thinking about how do I make sure I don't look like the world, and more time thinking about how do I make sure I look like God.
We talk a lot about gratitude, and people are breathing. People have lost people, places and things that matter to them.
This is why New Ye's Eve is my favorite.
Holiday, because if I am breathing on that morning, I survived.
This is Sarah Jakes Roberts. You are listening to the Woman Evolved podcast. I am coming to you live from my vehicle because that is the way my life is set up in these last days of twenty twenty four.
How are you? What is going on in your world?
Let's see. Let me give you my update. It is the monday after my husband spoken to Potter's House, Dallas, which was December ninth.
What is it? The bruise?
I got my hair braided. I'm really excited. Can I tell you all?
You know?
I have a five head. God gave me a lot to think about. God put a lot on my mind, and I the way my hairline is set up like my edges on the side come out further than my hairline at the top, so I have to wear my wig in order for my wig to say on I have to It eats up some of my forehead space. And I needed to get my hair braided because I needed to let my scop in my four hair breathe. And I just remembered that, like God gave me a lot to think about, and to be honest, I feel like I was a little nervous to have like my whole four head out, like the whole thing just gonna be sitting out waving at people. But I also was like, girl, it's the only forehead you got. What you gonna do like this, what you got you got if you don't own and who will And so I don't know who needs to hear this, but let your forehead breathe. I don't know who needs to hear this, but just going in take that makeup off and let your skin breathe. I don't know who needs to hear this, but don't put on no more spanks. Just let your stomach come in as it is, you know what I mean? Like just sometimes you just got to embrace what you got because it's all that you have, and you ain't gonna get nothing else unless the Lord say something different. You know, if you're gonna get some different, it's gonna take some time to get it. And so my forehead is out, I'm breathing. I actually really like it took me a minute. I don't know if I have any other like. I don't know if it's just like wig wears or just people who you know, you get braids more occasionally than consistently, and it takes a minute to have like just your scalp out and just like fresh braids to me, braids don't look like real, real good until like you got a little bit of new growth. Y'all don't ask for this, but I'm giving it to you anyway. And so that like start contrast of like going from maybe having you know, your natural hair, your wigs, your sowing's your puff to like, whoa, that is my scalp and my forehead. I got the Boho braids, So they're there. My braids are very very full. Jamie doesn't like them, but that's all right. My braids are very full. And so they're not giving boneless braids, but I'm giving boneless out. So that was an update that you didn't even ask for, and I hope you skip past it and saved yourself some brain cells. Beyond that, what's happening in my pressure, The pressure is getting wars. My father's recovering well, but he is still needing to take things slow. And so I am, you know, still navigating, you know, just stepping into a leadership in a in a what would I call this like leadership in a critical time. It's one thing to be in leadership when things are going as planned, or you're building or you're innovating, But it feels different to be in leadership at a critical time, not just in our church, but a critical time in the nation as the nation experience is a transition and what that means for the world stage, but also you know, trying to maintain and sustain and maybe even grow the incredible work that's already been done at the Potter's House Dallas, while also caring for the people as their primary leader is taking time away to rest and recover and still just you know, saying like, hey, we love you.
We're here for you.
We believe that God's given us a message to help serve us through these next few weeks, and so it just feels different.
So continue to pray for me on that.
My kids are almost out of school, I'm in finals for college. We're doing a lot of debriefing and post Woman Evolved post not just Woman Evolve Conference, but just evaluating some of our wins and successes for the year. One of the things that I'm really proud of with Women Evolved is that early on, when we first started, it was more of like maybe like a bulletin board of like different opportunities for you to maybe connect with us on the road, or like announcing different like projects or things that we had been working on. But one of the things that I'm most proud of is that the team has really made the Woman Evolved social media page another resource. And with it being your resource, it means that like it's giving you tools on navigating different maybe insecurities or different obstacles that come with being a woman who's evolving in her identity with God. And while we still do some of those other things, it is primarily just a source of information, inspiration, and hopefully development of faith. And so I'm really excited about that. But we're just evaluating, you know, how can we continue to innovate what can we do to really meet the felt need of the woman who's trying to grow in her faith with God but also show up in the world differently, and so lots of conversations having there. I've been having a lot of conversation about that. How about that, I'm slow down, I'm in the car. School pickups are in just a minute. So am I rushing? No, I've got time piece unto you s Jr. But I also want to make sure I get this right. So a lot going on, but I feel surprisingly well balanced. Oh my goodness. One last update. So, I've been doing the zero to five K run app. I have posted it on my social media. It's called just Run zero to five K and my friend and I for the last nine It's a nine week program. It probably took us about ten weeks, maybe longer, maybe like eleven weeks to finish because I took a week off.
No.
I started this after woman Evall. But some of them run challenges I started and failed, and I was like, Okay, I'm gonna keep trying until I get this right. It was I think the twenty minute runner. The twenty five minute run really had me stumped. If you're a runner. This isn't for you if you're not a runner, but you're like, you know what, I need to get my heart healthy, I need to get active. I would love to try and figure out running. People say that it's really amazing. I will say this was not a runner, never been an athlete. This app is very It's very good at helping you to build your confidence in running. And so it's like one minute on, one minute all for one minute on and a minute and a half off, and I just kept building from there. In the last week. This last week, week nine, we've done three thirty minute runs. So Monday, Wednesday, Fridays how we did hours no anyways, three times in the week you run for thirty minutes. And I'm just so excited that I finished that app there. I can't tell you how many times that I would start something like this and not finish it, but I'm excited I finished it. And now from here there's a five k to ten k app in which I think by time it's finished, you're running for like an hour, and so I don't know how long it's gonna take me to do it, but I am going to do it.
I've lost a lot of weight doing this app.
Yes, it was kind of my goal because we started this fitness challenge. I don't know if I told y'all, but I went to the doctor in July. And when I went to the doctor, she got me on one of those like body scan machines, and that body scam machine told me I was half fat. Let me tell you a lie. I've been telling myself. I've been telling myself over and over again, like, yeah, she's thick, right, but it's mostly muscle. I don't know why I thought it was mostly muscle. It's what I told myself. The body scam machine told me it's mostly fat. Lied to me, lied to me, told me the truth. Have you ever had the scale lie and tell you the truth. It lied to me and told me the truth. It says, baby girl, you're actually half fat, and you need to do something about that. And I really do want to take care of my body, like I feel like that is one of the pieces of legacy that I want to leave in the earth for my children, is just attention to my body, to take care of my body. And so, I you know I was before, but I felt like I got even more serious after the doctor told me I was half fat, and so I am going to continue just taking care of my body, and I encourage you all to do the same. All right, I know I don't got on your nerves with all this information, so let me mind your business.
You've definitely been in mind.
Hi, Pastor Sarah Kicks Roberts. My name is Nathina, and first just want to say thank you for your continued yes and obedience to God. I know stuff like this appearing stuff like this makes me cringe a little, so I don't know if you're still going through with that, but I just pray receive that and really rest in that because it has Your yes and obedience has really blessed me and helped me with my journey and continual growth in God.
So thank you.
And my questions is I wanted to know if you had any insight on how to be in this world and not of it. I think that's just been the main question that I have lately, and I don't know what to do or how to go about answering that for myself. Lately, I've just been trying to check my heart posture as it relates to doing things. That's everything that I do, but I don't know I sometimes I feel a bit lonely in this journey, and I don't know if I'm.
Just being too.
Critical of things or am I or is this how I'm supposed to be as it relates to approaching this world. I don't know, but not so short, I just I just want to know if you had any insight on how to be in this world and not of it. Thank you again, have.
A great night.
Bye.
You know what's really funny about this question is that I was actually thinking about this scripture in my own prayer and devotion time today, so I can't wait to answer it. Thank you so much for what you said about my yes and my obedience. I can definitely say that there are moments where that's hard to hear because I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread and I don't know if I said yes or maybe, and God was like that maybe's a yes, and so it does feel weird to kind of own it. But today I'm in a day where I can actually say you're welcome and thank you for receiving my yes and making space for the way that God loves on me and loves on you through me and your life. It means a lot to me, honestly. So to answer your question, I want to first give context to that scripture. And for those of you who may not know tim Romans twelve one through two, and it says, I beseech you there, for brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice wholly acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. So when we talk about being in the world but not of the world, we often refer to this scripture where it says to be to not be conformed to this world. I want to give you context for the scripture. This was written by the apostle Paul, who was a conservative Jew who had an encounter with Jesus on the road to Damascus and as a result, became one of the most influential voices in spreading Christianity throughout not just Rome, but throughout many continents as in his time as an apostle, this letter is a letter that he wrote to the church in Rome, and Rome in that context, if you think of any of the Gladiator movies or any of the movies that are kind of set in this time where Rome was a superpower. This is precisely the time in which Rome is speaking to this community of small believers. We actually went to go see Gladiator too with Denzel, which I'll have my own thing peace of that, But I just walked away from it thinking, even though obviously it is a fictional story, the times were not fictional. I've been fortunate enough to go to Rome and walk in the coliseum where they would have these gladiator fights, and to think that as dominant as a Roman culture was at that time, as dominant as Greek gods and polytheism was at that time, to think that there was this small corner of people who just believe in this man named Jesus who was born of a version, who died on a cross and was resurrected for three days, and that type of culture. It would stand to reason that this seemingly inconsequential man with this life would have not had at the impact that he did. And yet here we are, over two thousand years later, still talking about a man who's impact outlasted the Roman empires of that time, and so I was fascinated by that. But Roman culture at that time polytheistic, very sexually fluid, just artistic.
It just not nearly as.
Westernized as we may see modern day Rome, modern day Europe. And so I want you to have that context because when he is writing this letter to the church in Rome, what he's saying is there's so much going going in the world around you, but God is doing this new thing in your life. And in order for this new thing to last, because that's what Paul wanted is he's like, you have to protect what just happened to you. You had an encounter with God, you came to faith, you came to believe, but it can be easily snatched away from you. And so we see him constantly writing the these letters to different churches in Rome and in Corinth and in Emphasis because he wants them to protect what God placed on the inside of them.
And he says, in order to do this that you.
Have to see your bodies as a living sacrifice. That means that everything I do with my body, the way that I speak, who I engage with in love, and how I you know, maybe fighting someone or not fighting like the limits of how my body shows up should be restricted to me recognizing that my body is wholly acceptable to God, which is not like, that's not even hard for me to live a life where my body is just holy and set holy, to be set apart that I don't do other things with my body that other people may do. I don't engage in certain behaviors that other people may behave in my I'm set apart. And I think a lot of times we can think about this, maybe sexually, but I think there's an argument to be made about, like how am I caring for my body and the ways that what I put in my body? How do I care for my body by the ways that I engage or not engage with rest? Like how do I keep my body wholly and set apart? Which is just my reasonable service to take care? Okay, I'm not preaching. And the second thing though, which is what you asked me about, and you said, do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so to be in the world but not of the world. It starts with our mind. There's something in my mind and my thought process, and when you think about the cognitive processing of our minds. It's not just what I am thinking, it's how I am perceiving the world and what thoughts I'm allowing to settle into my overall perception of myself of others. And so I think that you have to be willing to really take inventory of your thought life and from the place of your thought life to make choices about your language, to make choices about your body. How can I make this more practical? Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. How do I know where my mind is supposed to land? Okay, I need to think new thoughts, I need to do new things. But how do I know where my mind needs to land? My mind needs to land that my body, my mind, my thoughts, and my spirit is going to be evidence that God is. That God's will is good and acceptable and perfect. So if my mind is going to be evidence that God's will is perfect and acceptable and good, then that means that my thought life has to reflect that it is evidence that God has transformed me from the inside out. I would spend less time thinking about how do I make sure I don't look like the world, and more time thinking about how do I make sure I look like God? How do I make sure that these thoughts are a reflection of what God would think about me, what God would say about this person. I got convicted in my prayer because honestly, I was praying the devil out of somebody.
Have you ever done that where you're like, you.
Know what, Lord, fix them, because they don't look nothing like you. And if you don't fix them, Lord, I'm gonna fix them. I'm gonna stay away from them. I'm gonna fix this for you. And in my prayer, I was challenged to pray, God help me to see them the way that you see them, to not see them from the eyes of offense, to not see them from the eyes of where I think they have deficit, but to look at them the way that you look at them, and then to allow that to show up in the way that I speak to them, the way that I speak about them, the way that I handle them.
Overall, that's the real, deep spiritual work.
Of being renewed, because a lot of times our thoughts settle into the patterns of I'm gonna like quote unquote the world's I've got air quotes. You can't see them obviously, but the world is not. Sometimes it's not you know what we see on social media. Sometimes it's not the aesthetic, it's not the culture. But what about our own personal world, like in our family, this is how we handle a fence, this is how we handle shame, this is how we do X, Y and Z. But how can I make sure sure that I am being conformed to your word, not the world, that I am being transformed in the way that I think and not thinking Because this is the way that everyone else has done it in my life, this is how I have to do it as well. So I hope that was helpful. I actually wanted to do a solo episode. Of course, you know, the end of the year is coming in, so this is about to be one of our last podcasts before twenty twenty five. But I actually wanted to do a solo episode just kind of having a little devotional reflection for the end of twenty twenty twenty twenty four. So that is definitely something that I'll lean into. I hope that this answer was helpful for you. The last thing I will say is this is like, it's okay for this to happen in bite sized pieces, right and so to think to yourself, Okay, I want to transform my thought life as it relates to drinking, and I want my life to be evidence of God's good and acceptable and perfect will as it relates to drinking. I pull this out of the air, and so like, you know, what's going through my head when I'm about to drink?
What is my hope?
And what will happen when I'm drinking or after I have this drink? And you know, can I stand by those thoughts? You know what I mean? And being willing to surrender it. I actually think that this question is unique or that example or analogy rather because someone asks me at conference, like she sell a bit, but then she still drinks and people are like, well, how can you be elevate here?
But you're willing to drink.
I think with somebody trying to try to get her to break her celibacy, what's kind of pushing up on her? And I told her at the end of the day, our responsibility and our relationship with God is to make sure that we're willing to lay any and everything down if it's keeping us from that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. And it sounds like you have a conviction about celibacy. But if what they're saying is bothering you as a relations to you drinking, then I would say that you have to be willing to lay that out the altar as well and say, like, Lord, what is your good and acceptable and perfect will as it relates to this area of my life? Do I need to cut back? Do I need to stop all together? Is it's not appropriate for what you're trying to do in this season of my life? I drink wine generally. It's like if we're at a fancy dinner, you know, and I'm trying to you know, I want to be a fancy girl, you know what I mean, with the palette and the things and all of that. But it's not a practice for me. But I also know that there are some members of my family who struggled with addiction, struggled with alcoholism, and I just want to be careful about the way that I engage in alcohol because I don't want it to become more of my God, more of my problems solver, more of my Peacemaker than my relationship with the Lord. And so little by little, I think you should look at different areas of your life and come to God's good and acceptable and perfect will, and then just know that you may have to do that again from time to time in different seasons.
I hope that's helpful for you.
Take everything I say to the Lord in prayer tested, and you know, contend with it in your own relationship with God. But I hope that there's something in there that God can use in what He's doing in your life.
Thank you for trusting me with this question.
Evolved, it is that time for my girly Swarthy to hit the mic. If you are new to the woman Evolved world and ecosystem, and maybe you're just not familiar with the way that we do what we do, let me tell you. Part of the way that we do what we do is who we get to do it with. In Doctor Anita Phillips is like none other. She is a licensed therapist and ordained minister. She is a New York Times bestselling author. She's a podcast host, she is a TV personality.
She is my for brand and we.
Wanted to do a little bit of reflecting for twenty twenty four to help you take inventory of your life while also taking inventory of our own lives. And I pray that this episode's transparency and vulnerability is helpful for you. We talk about some of the things that we are grateful for that happened this year, some of the lessons that we learned, and just how we're looking at twenty twenty five. So I hope that you enjoyed this week's episode. Let's get into it, Okay, So I want to talk about your year, Like, if you had to use one word to summarize your year, I'm going to say, so far, we got a little bit more, we got a little bit more time left. Anything could pop off the way my life is set up these days. What would you what one word would you use to define your year?
I think the first thing that comes to mind is okay, yeah, or some multiple forms of sheesh, like sheesh, ohh okay, but mostly just okay, that's what we're doing.
Okay, it was.
You know, some people are like, this is the hardest year, this good year, Like, how would you categorize it?
I would categorize it as a year where.
I would categorize it as a good year for sure, And I have been thinking about that lately. So I don't know if I've sold you this before. I probably have, you know, that New Year's Eve is my favorite holiday. Yeah, and so as it's coming up, yeah, I'm looking back and yeah, this year was good. It was slower than I expected in some ways, like there were like more projects that I hoped to do and did it.
But it was a.
Good healing year and that was unexpected, Like I wasn't expecting that, but it was good. I feel like God did slow me down in some areas and I needed that after last year, So that part was good. There were adventures. There have been adventures in this year. So I've been outside a little bit, you know.
Well, praise the Lord we love as ministry.
Yeah, I've been outside a little bit, outside a little bit. But it was a good year.
I feel like I I've gotten to know myself in a new space.
You know.
This is my first full year as a single woman, and I've had time to be with me in ways that i haven't been since I was twenty and now I'm fifty, so one fifty one, uh, and I like me. I enjoyed my company and it's been nice.
It's been nice to think about this first year of you being fully single.
Yeah, the whole year.
Yeah, so being fully single, you know, letting folks take me outside, have a dinner, have some fun, have some things.
You know, years been the most exciting. It's been exciting. Single You's been exciting for me.
Yeah.
In one way, I feel like I have been able to get to know a different version of you and like as we have been assessing different outside partners or possibilities, just like seeing you know, diversity and versus in what intrigues you, what doesn't intrigue you? Like it's been interesting.
Ah. I like how you called it diversity, the diversity.
Yes, yes, I'm not sure what all I'm at liberty.
Right right, right, right, listen.
I just I look forward to I'm learning my way around out here and some of the things that I've heard my single sisters say for a long time. I definitely see the truths in that it's interesting out here.
But to me, it's been adventurous.
And I think we should have fewer preconceived boundaries in terms of who we're willing to date as black women.
Mm hmm.
What can I ask you what has been because you said, you know, you've heard some things from the single sisters. Now you're in the single sisters club, Like, what was one thing that you were surprised that was true, or maybe something that they haven't mentioned.
That I was surprised was true.
I can't say I was surprised it was true because I trust women's experiences. So I think that one of the things that definitely rang true was that there are often extremes, Like they'll be man who's just like extremely non committal in any way, and then there's the ones that are just like, Hi, I'm looking to get married in five seconds. Do you check these boxes? And you're just like, oh, so there are there do seem to be extremes. I can see why people say that. I do think that some of the strain may be around limitations on who people are willing to let take them outside so that it doesn't seem as.
Scarce as I heard.
I haven't seen that experience, but maybe because I'm more open to a variety of different types of people. Yeah, so I think that I feel like the biggest thing that the make or break is the same thing that's make or break in every experience pretty much, and that's fear. Fear is a big one, and I do understand I was married for an extremely long time, and so it's a different experience than if you had never been married yet or still want to get married and have children.
That there's some things that are less scary about being single for me. But fear in general is a killer.
Fear of rejection, fear of starting something that doesn't work out, fear of maybe never having this or never having that.
Like, fear is a real killer.
And the less afraid we can be, the more joy we can access.
Period.
I'm going to leave that alone because I feel I sad minded enough of that business, you know, and I think we did well.
I'll say that. You know what I mean, I did too.
We do well with that.
We'll do a twenty twenty six, you know, like I would love that.
Yeah, We'll do.
A twenty twenty six when I'm ready to just be like and.
Here are all the stories. But yeah, not yet.
Okay, let me see this year, I'm just asking thinking myself.
Yeah, what would be your word?
I think it was appropriate to say surrender because I feel like I've had to surrender to a.
Lot this year.
But I do feel like this is probably the first year in my life where I have felt present in every moment of my.
Ooh, that's huge.
And if that's like a big deal.
That is big because you're usually down the road.
I am even right now thinking about a word for twenty twenty five, like the Lord gave me the word. I just felt and heard the word freedom, but I don't even know if it was freedom is the word as much as freedom as the posture OO to not be limited to this idea. Okay, so freedom is the word, and then we got to break it up into twelve months because when I try to think about it in that way, I hear freedom, but not like restrict like trying to restrict freedom.
It's like the context right, like, yeah.
Thank you for freedom. Now if we could put it stret that's the thoughts. How do we structure that? But I feel like this year I have surrendered, but I have been present and I have felt real joy. I got to travel for fun this year, which I We're always traveling, but most of the time it's like because we're speaking somewhere or we're on tour, and we got to take some really cool trips with our kids. But I just remember feeling happy. I remember feeling sad, I remember feeling rest in peace, and I don't feel like I missed me this year, like I feel like I have missed maybe some projects, maybe some opportunities. Maybe maybe I just feel like I was in my life this year and that makes me so happy.
How did surrender contribute to that? Did you surrender the future? You spend where you used to spend more time down the line? Did you surrender the future? Did you what did you surrender to get into the present moment?
I do think I had to surrender control because I mean, you know, I'm a planner.
So I like you're asking one at it.
Thank you.
I it makes me feel safe, and it makes me feel like, I know, you know my targets and my plans, and there were just so many things that didn't go as planned, so many things that did go as planned but were so expensive and executing that it made me question my plans and accept when plans fell apart. So I think that I had to surrender this idea of this is what everything has to look like and to be okay with things falling apart.
I think, I don't know. I feel like.
Part of coming to Dallas has made me have to like reconcile this idea of how much of my life has been about maintaining an image versus being just being who I am. And I think coming back to Dallas made me feel this pressure to live within an image of you know, you Tdjke's daughter, or you're preaching at the Potter So being at the Potter's house means you have to act X, Y and Z. And so I think that I've had to really wrestle with this idea of image versus authenticity in a way that I don't feel like I had to do as much in LA because I felt like everything that happened for me in La was kind of just like organic and authentic. And so I feel like this year, particularly being in Dallas, that I've had to hang on to.
But what do you want? What do you feel? What do you think? What is God telling you?
And to protect it and advocate for it and to be okay if that didn't look like the image of what it was supposed.
To look like.
And I don't know if I'm making any sense, but no, you.
Are not only making sense.
I'm identifying with what you're saying in a way that I hadn't thought about before.
So yeah, I keep going, Yeah, I had to.
I think I think I trusted myself more this year, and not my works, but my being. So like I can handle the criticism, I can handle rejection, I can experience joy in the celebration moments, like I can say, you did do a good job with that, Like, yes, God allowed it to happen, God blessed it, got grace it, and you showed up for it, and you get to be a part of this. Like I feel like I took better care of who I am on the inside this year.
I love that. Yeah, that's good a way for that.
I do feel proud of myself. I think it was like maybe last week during Thanksgiving or something, I just felt like, this is exactly the life that I want for myself. And it wasn't like I wasn't like doing anything fancy or amazing. I think that I was doing something with the girls, and it's just this is this is exactly the life that I wanted. I didn't ask for it or dream it. But when there's like nothing that I felt like I'm missing out of my life, I feel really fulfilled and content, stress, tired, you know, all of those things. But at my core, I felt very content with my life.
Satisfied.
Yeah, yeah, and that feels new.
That's a good thing.
That's the real goal, because there's no balance is not really attainable for a lot of us. There's always going to be something that's taking up more space than something else. And those of us who are are pushing and leading and building, you know, we're at our ropes end in certain areas. I think, as you've preached many times, when God is doing something, he will make sure that you're at the end of your rope so that he's getting credit for it. So I'm not sure that balance should ever really be our goal. This sense of balance, but this deep satisfaction that you can feel.
Even on the end of a day.
I remember at the end of Thanksgiving, you dropped me a text that he was just like, ugh, big Mama is tired. But but it was a satisfied exhale, like this was a good day with family and I've done the things that I love. That deep satisfaction is what we're going for at the end of the day, even when we're exhausted. That sense of contentment, it's like I'm satisfied with this life. That's a good thing. That sounds of satisfaction.
That makes me feel good, you know, you're you're my bootleg therapist, little nuggets in any year out And we talked a lot about like the blues, having the blues towards the end of the year.
What are your thoughts on that.
Do you think that that's something that most people experience and if people experienced it, why do you think that that happens?
Well, two reasons. One, we are actually affected by the reduced amount of sunlight that we get in the last months of the year. We're plants, after all, so we need light in sun and when we have less of that, it does affect people's moods. Some people are more heavily affected by it, and some people even experience seasonal depression. And so we can actually have the blues a little more at this time of year because we're exposed to less light. Now, if you live in California, you might have had more light, like met but it does affect us. I think that we are more exhausted because of the holiday demands.
There's a lot going on.
Kids get school breaks, people are traveling for holidays, We're thinking about gifts and Christmas, and so there's a little more drain that some people experience. And I think many of us are working to make the holidays more festive and less draining. People may have family interactions this time of year that bring back traumatic memories or difficulties, childhood stresses. So there's a lot of things that can really drain us in the last quarter. And then there may be the posture of looking back and saying I didn't achieve what I wanted to do. I am not where I hoped I would be by the end of this year, and that can bring heaviness as well. So there's a lot of factors that make that go into people feeling like this time of year can be tough. Some people address that by letting go. Some people address that with boundaries with family or with travel, reimagining what holidays are and can be like. Some people address it by just go ahead and jump into the next year and looking ahead. But it can be real, it can be real. I don't want to discount that for anyone. I think it's a matter of looking at what does what brings that into your life. If you're someone who is heavier at this time of year, and how how can you make a plan to change your external environment or your internal posture so that you don't have that same experience this time next year. Well, there are things that we have the power to do.
I was going to ask you to need that internal posture. What does that look like changing your internal posture?
I think one of my go tos is to have people check on all of their I can't and I have to because those can really crop up at this time of year. I can't do this, I can't do that, or I have to do this. I have to be in this place because it's a tradition, or because I think it's the right thing to do, or because I don't want to upset family, or because I ran out of money, whatever it is. Anything that feels like an obligation, I can't or I have to check on that because it can also be coming from within, because there are very few things that we can't do and very few things.
We have to do the absolutely must do.
So freeing yourself from fear, obligation, and guilt, that's a to canton have to can be very very life altering, and that's an internal posture. So there's a lot of power to be wielded just on how we're perceiving the world in ourselves. And then it can't be said enough, letting go of timelines and demands and where we think we should.
Be, and really remembering.
It's such a good time to look back, not just over the year, but over seasons of our lives, reminding ourselves of the arc of our life and what we've seen God do, and prepare to be excited about what He can do next. I talked earlier this year about cultivating excitement. That has been fruitful for me to continue to do that, and so yeah, that internal posture can.
Really be big.
I was just going to ask you for someone who feels like you know, it's been thing after thing this year. I haven't been able to catch my breath. How do we even take the time to really reflect? I love when you were talking about just looking at the things that God did in our lives, and is that part of reflection?
It is because we're always looking.
We talk a lot about gratitude and how it can actually alter the chemistry of our body, the way that we feel emotionally, and I don't want us to do that on top of the.
Pain without acknowledging where we are.
People are grieving, people have lost people, places and things that matter to them. Some years do seem to crop up just thing after thing after thing. This is why New Year's Eve is my favorite holiday, because if I am breathing on that morning, I survived, and that's a testimony and I can look forward to next year. If I had a great year, I wake up that morning celebrating. If I had a rough year, I wake up saying I made it, though I'm still here. And so looking back and acknowledging this was tough. This was tough, But what about the last five years, Maybe you can see the bigger picture that God might be writing or turned to that belief that I can't see anything, but that means that God's about to do one of the things that I have not conceived yet, that eyes haven't seen, nor if ears heard, neither has it entered into the heart of man, the things that God has prepared for them that love them. I can't even conceive of this thing that may fit into that space of everything has gone wrong and I can't see a light anywhere. This is the time for me to trust that God's going to step in. And that doesn't say it didn't hurt, but it's going to be forced to come into some line with God's purpose.
For my life.
Can I ask you what's like one of the things you feel like God has taught you this year? What taught you or taught you again?
Like you may have.
Yeah, right, that just because I don't see it coming doesn't mean it's not close. A lot of times it's like, but I can't see this, and where would this come from? And then suddenly something will just come around the corner from my blind spot and be there. Just because I don't see it coming doesn't mean it's not close. God has surprised me multiple times this year, and so I'm reminded of that lesson that he's working. Sometimes God only gives us as much notice as we can handle. He gave us too much notice on some stuff. We'd probably look it up with our anxiety trying to control it and figure it out and ask more questions.
And so man, I'm just leaning into him.
He taught me that again this year, that he really does know what's best for me. Wait until it's resolved to see the big picture.
Yeah, I feel like that's I could. I could probably see that being one of the lessons I learned this year too. When I think I was thinking I was actually sharing with pt there was this moment where internally I was complaining to God about a timeline about something, and just like, when's it going to happen?
How's it going to happen?
When I'm going to take control of it and I'm to make it happen for myself or I'm going to remove any doubt and concern by making this decision. And I really felt God's telling me in worship, like, but look around, it's happening right in front of your eyes. And I feel like sometimes I was so blinded this year by you know, the plan, I guess, but blinded this year by the one way that I thought things could work that I missed that I was already standing in the fulfillment of it, you know, like I do. And that's like that I think that's what you know, I preached a message about like the promise in the person. That's why the promise like it's beautiful, But sometimes we miss the promise anyway because right still in the presence of our doubt, we're still in the presence of our fear, the presence of our anxiety, not realizing that we're actually standing in the promise. So that's probably why we do need to be more presence oriented than promise oriented, because we missed the promise so often.
Yeah, and we're not telling I think telling the story even as it's unfolding, reminding me like where I'm at, how I even got here? You know, it's it's so important that gratitude practice is important. But for us who know Jesus, that gratitude practice has to involve testimony that look what I'm grateful for, and let that become look what God has done. Yeah, because when we don't attach it to him, we forget that there's somebody who's still working on my behalf even when I don't see him.
What's that that's not that old? But that song, even when we.
Can't see him, he's working and that is true. And getting back down to some of the basics, like if you have your health right, you have your family as well, you have a place to live. Like when we were kids growing up, we had testimony service at church and there were those basic things. I thank God for waking me up this morning. Clothing in my right mind, I think them for life, health than strength. I think I have a roof over my head. Like that stuff becomes minimal to us. But man, people are going through some things. Yeah, and if we can find a space in our life to be super grateful for the basics.
It's a good thing. It's a good thing.
And especially going into twenty five where we don't know how the country's going to unfold, and yeah, we're walking into something that for many of us is a concern. Yeah, so I think that we need to lean into that practice. I know that was a sudden left as I just thought about twenty.
Five, but.
No, it's it's all true, and I think I try to. You know, when you look at things from every perspective and you a little misrescue eve, you know. I realize that for some people they have a lot of hope going into twenty twenty five, hope that they haven't tapped into in some time. But I think because of the communities that I serve and that I'm engaged in, the predominant sentiment is real concern.
And so.
I think it's a unique opportunity for us to be more connected than we have ever been, and in relationship in more intentional ways than we have ever been. And not just those who are feeling a sense of concern, but I think collectively to lean in if you have hope and someone else has concern, to really allow ourselves to ask some questions so that we're at least meeting one another to understand, you know, different perspectives and vantage points. But I definitely sinse that. I think even for me, you know what happened to my dad on that Sunday, trying to figure out like what does what does twenty twenty five look like?
With that?
You know, like we came to Dallas, you know, we're here to serve and support and be a part of this leadership team, and now you know, we're trying to make sure that we're covering in this season of transition, and I don't know what that looks like. And there's some intimidation and fear connected with that as well. But I also kind of get back to this point where like, God, you know who I am. God, you know what I have and what I don't have. Got nothing is off limits. I'll stretch, I'll grow at whatever pace you desire, but also I can't perform, and I can.
Your commitment to not performing is one of my favorite things about you. It really is.
It's one of my favorite things about you. Just wanted to say that I love that about you.
I want to ask you so on Sunday, so you know now that upbach on lead stuff. On December twenty second, the Sunday before Christmas, I had this idea about like really making sure that we're like centering Jesus in the holiday season, and so I was thinking about having like these different like sermonides from different people on our team to talk about, like what does the life of Jesus mean for grief, the life of Jesus for hope. So I feel like I'm going to like rapid fire asking you some questions to.
Get your take on it.
Alrighty, okay, what does the life of Jesus mean for restoration?
His resurrection, his resurrection?
Because Jesus was resurrected with visible scars, And I love that about the story of Jesus's life and death and new life in that he's crucified, all his flesh is ripped off his body, and his resurrection much of that is put back, but there's still holes that are visible and his wrists and his feet and his side. And that that's what I immediately thought of when you said restoration, that it doesn't mean that every single thing is erased. It means that what needs to be told, the lessons, the things that matter the most, the things that we need going forward, the things that will be a blessing to others, is brought forward as we are restored, as the parts of us that have died are resurrected, that the parts that need to be kept with us will be kept and some things will be left behind and not visible. Restoration doesn't mean perfection.
H Yeah, I love that because restoration when people hear the word, they're like, I want my life to go back to looking the way that it looked before pain, before the heartbreak, before the trauma, no evidence of the loss, no evidence, bring it, bring it all back, bring it all back.
Yeah, And it's just not a part of it. I'm there's something that I want to be able to offer. Jesus identity was confirmed by his scars, but not every single scar that not every single thing that happened to him on the cross was still visible.
But there was some things that needed to be brought forward.
And a lot of times I think we don't heal enough before we start sharing. Yeah, and we need to let ourselves be fully resurrected in a space and then see what did God allow to remain. That is an offering for people to know the story, to be empowered to see what restoration looks like. So yeah, resurrection and restoration are very similar to me. When I look at Jesus.
I love that life. Okay, what does the life of cheese? What does the life of Jesus mean for.
Depression and guesse many Jesus said to his friends, I'm sorrowful unto death. He was in such emotional pain it felt like he was dying. That Jesus knows what that darkness looks like, what it feels like, even what it is to articulate it to people and hope that they can help or hold you up in those moments the disciples themselves were weak. But that Jesus stays present with his pain and is honest with God about it. And I think that that's major. There's nothing unholy about it. We don't hear him repent about it, but that he does know what that darkness feels like. And if I know that Jesus knows how I feel, that just that's a lot for me to go on and know that Jesus is praying for me. The Bible says he's interceding for us constantly, And when you pray for somebody from a place of knowledge, it's a different kind of prayer, you know, it's a different kind of prayer. Someone recently asked me to pray for them. They're going to do some marriage counseling work, and I pray from a different place. I want them to have something that rescues that situation, you know, because I know the pain that they're facing when they consider an end. I prayed a little different, not more sincerely, but different when praying from a place of pain that you've been through. And so Jesus has been in every piece of pain that we've been in, not every circumstance, but he has felt what we felt. And so the fact that Jesus knows how that feels and he's already praying also is a relief that because sometimes in depression or deep sorrow, it's hard to pray, and knowing that I don't always have to, I can just toss that to Jesus and lay down and know that he's praying over me and take some comfort in that and not feel like if I can't force a prayer that nothing's being prayed.
He's praying for me right now.
So yeah, that's it.
And whenever I'm feeling away, I always like, go, I'm like, did Jesus ever feel X, Y, and Z. And finding that moment in scripture where I'm like, oh, yeah, this must have been how he felt in this moment. It does bring me so much peace because I'm like, if he can feel this, then I can feel it too. And if you overcome it and you know, find the way out and find the strategy, that I can too.
Yeah.
I love that.
Yeah, he moved through those emotions, but we never see him Russiam. Yeah, and we don't see him a commentary about it or repent about it.
He felt all the things.
Yeah, what does the life of Jesus mean? For forgiveness?
Man?
The challenge always with that, a challenge always with that.
You know.
I have to borrow one of my favorite sayings from doctor Tam Bryant on that when she talks about Jesus saying forgive them, for they know not what they do on the cross. He's speaking of everyone who's involved in this death moment. But when Jesus was resurrected, she notes, like who he actually visits and that the Roman soldiers were not among them. Jesus didn't go to Pilot, he didn't go to the Roman soldiers. He went to his disciples, And so forgiveness is real, but it doesn't dictate that we engage in relationships that were not for us. I think that that's a really good balanced presentation. Jesus said, forgive them for they know not what they do, but that doesn't mean that he was in relationship with everyone. Another thing that stands out to me with Jesus in forgiveness is Peter. Of course, you know Jesus knew what Peter would do, but he also restores Peter because Peter has an experience that allows him to see himself and the fact that his love for Jesus still persisted. And so when we look at like Peter and Judas and Man, we just see Jesus being so open. He showed the same relational love to Peter and Judas. They both betrayed, but there was space for return and reconciliation. When Peter recognized his love for Jesus was real but his behavior was poor, Jesus made room for that, and so I think there's something to learn about that too, that we cannot always attribute someone's failure to their character, that this means this is what they are, and this is all they're capable of. And a snake is going to always be a snake and if they bite you twice, and all the things we do to try to protect ourselves because we wanted to find somebody's character and capacity by their worst act or the thing that was most painful for us. Forgiveness doesn't allow for that. That part's tough, but it's a truth.
You know. You know, my mind is wired to always like pick holes and things. So when you know, Jesus like forgiving them Father, for they know not what they do. I could think of plenty of instances and I was like, yeah, but they knew what they was doing.
You knew, you knew what.
She was saying.
I'm Jesus, but I mean it's hard for him to say that about them. I mean they were literally yeah, they knew that, they knew what they were doing.
But it's like if they knew to the level of like compassion, wisdom, you know, commitment to living a life that Jesus met, Like if they really knew, you know, that they wouldn't have done this, So they don't they know on one level, sure, but the level of knowing that you're asking of them, they are incapable of giving it this stage of their life. So the best thing I can say is forgive this immature, you know, perhaps small minded, ignorant, but not ignorant and like the way that we read people, but literally to lack knowledge, ignorant version of who they are, who has inflicted this pain on me because they don't know what they're doing. They don't know how to handle hearts, they don't know how to be the person that I need them to be. So forgive them, father, for they know not what they do.
And often we are collateral damage for people's issues.
But it's such asty, it's.
So rare that people are waking up in the morning like I'm going to figure out a way to harm Sarah today, Anita today. You know, a lot of times people are just rolling through in their unhealed spaces, and we are catching strays.
That's real.
I'm always balancing how I conceptualize forgiveness of someone in a specific instance with the things that I've been forgiven for, the balls that I've dropped, the times that I was the villain in someone else's story. It really helps me to not forgive from some condescending, kind of arrogant place.
You know what, I release them.
I forgive them because they're in their unhealed space and they know not what they do.
They don't really see who I am.
You know what I mean, you can start getting Whenever we look at the story of Jesus, I think we should always be careful to put ourselves in his place as the hero in the story. We all have a tendency to read ourselves into the hero of the story. But what when have I, as Paul said, crucified him afresh.
In my heart with my behavior? When has Jesus?
When have I been peter in one way or another and Jesus has wrapped his arms back around me? And so, because forgiveness is not like one of my natural personality traits leaning in that direction, over the years, I've developed methods to make sure that I'm in the posture of forgiveness and try to stay there. And one of the ways I do that is reflecting on my shortcomings, my failures, the number of times that I've needed to repent to the Lord for something and not make myself better than this person who is now failing God, and I'm collateral damage.
You just got us together, didn't you.
Shall be trying to stay saved out here?
No, No, you spoke the truth. That part, you know what I've had.
I felt like this year I've had to be comfortable like being a villain. I think there was a part of me, I think, especially as like my life and story was exposed to more and more people that wanted to control the way that they perceived my intention, my impact, my ministry, like you know, oh, you know what I mean, like to control their reception of my sincerity. And I have had to be okay being misunderstood, be okay like people not getting it, being okay being like maybe they have a legitimate point about that. Like I've had to kind of navigate that release and control in that area. That's been a surrender thing for me this year.
For sure, there's no substitute for time, and time will bear out the truth about who we are. We can be more concerned with knowing for sure who we are, not whether we're guilty or not, but truly who we are and the posture we have with God that will be proven over time, and being willing to be misunderstood is a superpower, and not in a dismissive way, like everybody don't have to understand me, but this hurts me. I want to be understood that I recognize that I cannot control that, and so I'm just going to keep being me and letting the fruit of my life speak and do that without that negative push away energy. It's the thing in here that really does it for us. And then being in touch with how I'm feeling on the inside. That's a big part of that because we can't control it, but we were allowed to care. And I think part of forgiveness for me, having a forgiving posture is maintaining a soft heart, still being open to not open, but recognizing the vulnerability is there and I can be wounded and not spending more time protecting myself from the pain that I am forgiving and remaining in that posture.
It's tough. It's tough.
I like that because I've always struggled because I'm not like the they can do. I don't care like I've never That's not who I am.
I don't like. I've definitely her.
I want to so bad, I can't do it. I can't. I can't find it. I be caring, but to be like I care.
But it's okay, it's okay, that's okay. Like I've literally had to like pat myself. So you're going to be okay and they're going to be okay, and this is okay. You can't control this, but you'll be fine. That's probably been one of my my little lessons that I've learned this year too. How do you I really want the other energy though, to be honest that.
It's hard work over there, really, because I know it does. But you know, that's been part of the miracle journey of my life. My natural personality type is not an emotionally connective type. It's very objective, very distant, very hey, I have some feelings. Oh this isn't working out, no problem, flip the switch right off, clicklick and good. And so when I began to get revelation about what our well being is supposed to look like in scripture and how important emotion is and it's connection, I had to be transformed by God to get to this place I was. I was cold blooded. When I say cold blooded, like you don't even know I cut you off because I'm not even gonna make a display of the situation. I'm just gone, just poof. I don't even need that. It was not good. It felt good at the time. It felt good. And when I looked at other people who suffered and struggled, I'm like, M sorry for them, emotional people.
Girl, I'm out.
You know, it was very I was a very different, different person. I have evolved and been transformed by God into this space of deep emotional availability and connection, and there's so many things about it that are beautiful. My life is so much richer than my relationships are deeper, my experience with God is deeper. I am closer than I've ever been to what He created us to be. But it's been a long journey and it's different. So it looks good. But and in some ways it's easier to be like I used to be because emotional pain is limited. But I look a lot less like Jesus, and that's a very different life. And I don't I don't want it back. Yeah, I don't want it back. Something crossed my mind earlier. Oh, I wanted to say this too, Like with the misunderstanding. One of the most powerful lessons that I've learned as a therapist has been when I used to do family therapy, I'm working with a whole family system, and it would it never cease to amaze me how different the experience of each person in.
A family system can be.
If you've got five people in the family, you got five different stories, five different truths. People experience things so differently that when we talk about forgiveness and why would they do that?
And do they understand it's.
Literally, if you've got five people in family therapy, you can have five different stories. You almost wonder if they were in the same family, like or all y'all at the same Christmas party when that happened. We're all y'all in that because it sounds so different, and so some of the things one of the things that's helped me with forgiveness is to reflect on that. But people are just having an entirely different experience than I am. Often we aren't even living in the same story, And so forgiveness requires me to release my view of how things happened in their mind, because from through their lens, the story is completely different, and they may not even see how they've harmed me, and they may feel off harm them, and so just the fact that we are all having such a different experience helps me to release things to God.
I don't know if that helps anybody, but it helps.
It helps in one of those ways that it's like, but no, thank you, you know what I mean, Like it's calling, it's calling on the Jesus in me, and Jesus is trying to celebrate his birthday. He's not trying to be bothered with me and my things. Okay, before we close out, what's been the highlight of the year for you so far? Ooh?
Highlight of the year? Man, that's a tough one. Mm dang, I'm not sure, but I'm I'm booking a New Year's Eve trip today that I think might end up.
Being the highlight of my year.
Highlight in my ear, there hasn't been one big thing. There have been so many popcorn moments of joy. I can't point to one thing. Like I'm having all these flashes. I'm having flashes of me sitting on the beach at sunset. I'm having flashes of me eating donuts from my favorite donut shop that's about twenty minutes away and open twenty four hours a day, and going there at some off hour and getting the donuts, having flashes of laughing.
With friends, long walks.
There have been so many popcorn moments of joy that is collectively the highlight of my year that I can't find just one.
Oh what the flex?
Wow, that's the God flex right there. Man, got me a little emotional right there.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's the highlight that there is in one highlight, just all these moments of joy, and.
That is how I want to live, right, that is how I want to live. Yeah.
Hm, well, I will say, I know we're going. But I've seen both of my children develop in really beautiful ways this year, so.
I've I had to have one highlight.
Yeah, when they shout when they just showed up in the Popcorn series, it was like, ooh that was a bigger pop So yeah, both of my children, I have watched them mature in really beautiful ways this year and this transition continually to being.
The mom of adults. Yeah, I'm really enjoying it.
I'm really enjoying this cool blend of friendship and relationship and still mom wisdom and just kind of enjoyant seeing the fruit of that labor in their lives that they are loving Jesus and learning themselves and having healthy relationships. And man, I've seen some beautiful things in their development this year. So that's those are two big ones.
I have only known you as like a mom to adult children technically, but I know that they are even more grown than when you and.
I first met.
And I feel like I feel like you as an adult mom is like chef's kiss, like the perfect balance of like relatable friend intimacy and vulnerability, but also a source of wisdom and strength. Like I feel like getting parenting right. You know, from newborn to the adult years is a journey and it's always changing. But I feel like the real testament of good parenting is how well you're able to stay connected to your adult children and you know them visiting and you just spending time with them and just hearing the way you speak about them. I feel like it's been It's been a real blessing.
Oh thanks, friends, I appreciate.
That you're welcome.
Any closing remarks for people who were in the holiday thick of things reflecting on the year, Any nuggets you want to leave them with.
Chase those going we've been talking about glimmers more and more. We all got our hands on triggers, but chase those glimmers. Slow down, like you said earlier, work on being present, Surrender future concerns to God, elevate faith in a way haven't before, and surrendering those future concerns next week, next month, next year, and chase the glimmers of the season. Look into your children's eyes, look into your loved one's eyes, look into your own eyes in the mirror. Be in this moment, because that's where the joy is, and we need those moments to strengthen us for the hard moments. If we lean into stress and starve ourselves of joy, we weaken ourselves for the future.
So chase the glimmers.
That's a word, friend, I love you.
I love you too. Anything you want to tell the world for your end of the year.
Pastor Sarah, that's why we're here.
If I had something, I would not be on the riverside.
Listen, it's a thing. It's a thing. Well, thank you for all you've been to all of us this year.
Thank you for an incredible journey in surrender, for leading in that kind of vulnerability, for being so open and honest as you always are, and helping us all make that surrender journey. It was necessary and useful and life giving. And I want to thank you on behalf of all the delegation. Thanks for leading us so well this year, as you always do.
We appreciate it.
That's the Assistant Pastor of Woman Evolved. Just so you all know official title. Y'all think she's the resident Therapist, You're wrong. That's the Assistant Senior Pastor of Woman Evolved.
It's an honor to be can't wait for one.
Of AOL twenty five and here we go.
Here we go, next level. Happy New Year, everybody.
I will tell you that like one thing that will never grow old for me is the way that doctor Anita challenges me to be more like Jesus. I really be thinking that I'm trying to be more like Jesus, and then she says something that I'm like you trying to be like you. You were not trying to be like your Lord and Savior and you definitely need to fix that. Because she really got me together in this episode, and I love that you need friends that challenge you to be more like Jesus. She lets me be petty. She's not always like this, and I hope that I let her. You know, get her petty LaBelle on as well. But when the rubber hits the road, we know that at the end of the day, we have one goal and one goal only, and that is to be more like Jesus. I love you. I hope this episode bless you. Thank you for listening to me. Black Or There was something random I forgot to tell you all about when I was learning you my my business, but today I finished the app. It was a thing, but I woke up earlier the when I broke a glass of all oil trying to clean it up with something out of a sitcom like I love Lucy thing. But that's it, my last little random no. I hope you all have an amazing week. I hope that this episode finds you right when you need it. And Holy Spirit, we just welcome your way, not just your will, but your way into our lives. We surrender our own ideas, our own philosophies of who we need to be and what our lives need to look like, and how we need to handle other people and how other people must handle us. And instead we say, nevertheless, not your will but ours be done. God help us to forgive in the areas where we may be holding going. Help us to welcome love and life and joy in the areas where where you are afraid that we may lose it. God, help us to be more spiritually si than we have ever been. That we would not wonder if it is you who sent that person that word, where we won't wonder if it was your voice we heard, but that we wouldn't know without a shadow of a doubt, that you are chasing us down.
God. I love you, Jesus.
Thank you so much for making intercession on our behalf. Thank you for saying the words in this prayer that I didn't even notice say. Thank you for covering us always in Jesus' name.
Amen, Evolve,