Bollywood Supervillain

Published Sep 9, 2024, 6:00 PM
  • Woody Is James Bond
  • Can You Hear It?
  • Where Did You Watch The Footy?
  • Guy Montgomery
  • Listeners Scratching Our Backs
  • Toastie Press Lights

Got some feedback? Let us know here.

The Will and Woody Podcast. Hey you, good afternoon, everyone, Welcome to the podcast.

That might not be the afternoon when they're listening to this.

Will Yes, but we've been over that it might be. We've been over that it might be, and I realized that, you know this is that I mean, that's the nature of a podcast, right. It's on demand audio, you know, if we want to get technical with it, it's ok.

You're trying to cover your tracks of just doing auto.

I'm just explaining to everyone that I realized you could listen to this is that the only time you're going to turn your mike on, because you're at two and you've got a max of three, it's.

To correct you. Every time he wants to correct, he's done.

He's done to so use your last one wisely, Choose wisely.

I'm sorry. I do have one comment to make on that. Yeah, unlikely that people are listening in the afternoon.

I think, all right, well that's up to you.

You're probably either.

Not going to have the same time chat that we have last time, because we've about it for a long time.

I can't remember, got some feedback on it. We speaking of feedback, I was speaking to an avid listener of our podcast.

You found him, you, well, not hard to find. He's in my family. It's my dad.

And so he's obviously a big fan of the Daily.

Podcast, as in what was the daily Podcast?

Well, he'd loved to catch up on the boys through the Daily Pod, especially when he was on the show. So dad was on our live radio show a couple of days ago, and naturally he wants to hear himself and he was he can't find and he thought he was losing his marbles. He was like, I used to be able to access the podcast. I cannot find my bit anywhere.

And then he was worried, like did you did you remove it?

Like why can't I find anymore? Explained to him, we do a weekly.

Podcast now and I mean, this is just the best skier of the week. Did you explain that. No, he's heard it now. He's listening to this, you bet your bottom dollar, probably in the afternoon as well, if that isnything else to do. But he might also he's got hope. He's like, well, obviously it put my bit in his best of weekly?

Was it in this week? Was it was it over this last week? When your dad's on the show, a lot.

Obviously he is he was on two days ago.

Okay, well he'll I mean he'll find out in due course.

Over the course of this over this course is a podcast, whether or not he used in it. Yes, absolutely, So hang in there, Dad, you might pop up, who knows.

I don't think you need to tell your dad to hang in.

He consumes all of our stuff. He's a big fan.

He's a big fan.

But I do think it's an interesting, you know, thing to bring up because people like my father might be a little bit thrown by the weekly podcast that we do.

Now.

M'd be pretty interested to hear what you think about it, the weekly pod, I reckon.

Well, yeah, I mean it will be weekly for a little while. Guys like we are we're going to try this out. But obviously it's different in this and that we're throwing two bits from the week. Yes, so you get in this like two tone.

Sort of vibe.

It's like you're getting holiday Dad, and then you're getting coming home from work Dad, which ones which I think coming home from work Dad is kind of the this vibe right now, like I'm exhausted.

We're often quite chill.

Things can get a bit loose yep, you know. But in the radio show, we're obviously throwing to those bits that have happened during the week while we're when we're on that's holiday Dad. Yeah, gotcha, high energy, you know. Yeah, he's up at six. He's holiday Dad. Is not up at six, my friend.

You really don't know about your My holiday dad was up at six.

Oh sorry, I'm thinking when you say holiday dad, I'm thinking of myself. Next, I am now a dad. All right, you're thinking of your own father. Yeah, oh, my holiday dad for me.

Eleven.

Maybe I've totally cooked this. Then it's a bad analogy. Forget weird my father's traction. Man, Let's go back to two tones. There's two there's two podcast us, which is.

Which is us now?

And then we're throwing to bits when we're live on radio, which naturally is going to be a bit higher energy.

That's right, and a good question to ask. I think is that a bit jarring?

It's like insurgery doctor versus bedside doctor. Now, I think I've done pretty well there one which insurgery doctor quite intense, upbeat energy. Bedside doctor that's up A look at your chart?

How are you doing there?

Right?

Come on?

Yeap, closer, maybe you haven't nailed it. Closer, definitely closer. There's a there's a clear distinction there.

Thank you.

So the question for you guys is do you want We don't know. We're just trying this out and this is this is the thing. You guys are listening to this and we're doing it, and we kind of want to know what you think. Are you enjoying more of the insert dur the gotta be alogy, Okay? Are you enduring more of the radio bits like do you want to hear us more of the stuff from the radio during the week, or are you enjoying this bedside chat chill chat.

Yes, it's a good question to ask, Yeah, because we can bedside chat until for a very long time and we will.

And as you can hear, we've gone through holiday, Dad's gone through afternoon listening, We've gone through surgery and bedside chat like it's.

It's very easy for us, yes, like breathing.

So I think we're going to put a link under the podcast so you can you can let us know what stuff you're preferring more and it'd be good. Is an ongoing thing, you know, it's not a dictatorship. But I'm going to sit here and be like, this is how it must be. I mean, obviously has to be the two of us. The show's willing wood. Don't change the personnel that great. Okay, Well, I think that's pretty much all the admin.

Oh I had.

I had one more thing for you before we before we get into the hot gear. You and I stayed at a hotel in Sydney.

Yes, are you deliberately not saying the name of the hotel because I remember it.

You can say the name of the hotel if you're Changra La. We stayed at the Shangra La.

If you don't mind, If you don't mind, here, isn't a business trip?

Is anyway? The changre La stead at the show. I'm just at the Shangra La.

We're at the Shangri La.

Bring my Uber to the Changra La. I'm on four thirteen of the chang.

It sounds like a like a villain in like a Bollywood film. It does Shangri La near the changre La.

Yeah, none, at the Changra La.

He was murdered.

Shangri La, changre La.

Anyway, the Changra La Kila.

I was I got to my room and there was a bottle of champagne in my room, bottle of verve.

I know where you're going with this. That's come on, mate.

There's some there's conversations that you and I have where I feel like I am free of judgment and I'm in a safe space. And I keep falling into that trap because it's clearly not a safe space because you keep bringing this stuff to a public platform.

There are some things that are safe.

This is one of them.

So I got to the room at the Shangri La and and I had a bottle of verve in my room, and I was like, jeez, that looks really nice.

Sorry, quick one real quick.

Yeah, in a nice bucket with a cloth over it. It looked fancy. I'll show I'll show Tom so that you guys can all get a bit of a note.

Yeah, lovely, guys, really quickly jump in. It's just a very small side bar. You booked the rooms for the business trip, and then we're walking to the lift and you went, oh, I wouldn't believe it. I got an upgrade and I was like, sounds a little bit like you booked the room. It just gave the presidential suite and then made it seem like, oh, you won't believe it. I specifically got a random upgrade, so I a mean, I am in the pen house.

No, no, I just got it, and I just got an.

Upgrade, which is really nice. I'll put that down back to the champagne.

You know, well, you wouldn't know either because you have.

Access to a disaccount.

You get I could be I could be running a seriously a money laundering ring right under your nose and you would.

Have no And you were like, so I've got breakfast, you don't. I also have a car park.

And I also had a bottle of Verve clickoat in my room with a note on it. Anyway, it said, dear will, welcome to the Shangri La, Sydney, wishing you a most memorable stay. Thank you Carla at reception desk Okay, Shangri La. Yeah, I got that. I was like, that's really nice. I'm not really sure what I've done to deserve that, but beautiful. Maybe because I booked the presidential scree. Anyway, ten minutes later I get this message from you, which is a photo of exactly the same thing, but instead of saying mister McMahon says, Hi, mister whitelaw with the same card, and then now I'm mean I need you to jog my memory about a story because I think you've been burned before and that's why you thought what had had had had happened happened. So I get this note from her saying this, you get exactly the same note, Okay, I naturally just assume it's a courteous note, me too, and story over.

You.

You're right under.

You read underneath it? Did you get this too? Or is color a reception being a bit flirt?

Did you hear that? Prevent? What do you want to.

Now? You?

I have nothing to say, you idiots.

Yeah, I think this is one of my first like just old dad like awkward moments. But you think you've still got it, like it's it's one of my first like still got it? Oh god, guys, come on, I'm married. Because it was such a fleeting stop at the shangle in my head. Carla had had finished her shift and come up to my room and knocked on the door and being it's like my fings weirdly in my life, it's like I'm James Bond in my life.

She'd come and knocked on the door.

James Bond taking a ship never happened.

And she knocked on the door, realized I wasn't there, and was like, ah, bugger, I'll just leave the champagne anyway.

That's that's that's what that's what happened. I'm deluded, but that's what happened.

So she went to your room to give you. James Bond, I.

Would have had to say, oh, well, so I'm so sorry if I've given you the wrong idea.

I'm getting more.

What was your reaction?

Because I haven't been married in November, I had.

The same woman checked me in no different. Maybe I was hilarious, accident, I was accident.

I was brilliant in.

I think what was I wearing? Oh I was wearing a shirt? Okay maybe yeah, I don't know.

But yeah, that that deluded. That was I think what we really need to do is get in touch with the Shangri La and after color and see if she actually did have anything with it. Sounds like it sounds like like, for example, if you're driving in a car and a woman lets you in, it sounds like you might yeah she's that as someone hitting on you.

Yeah, I thought that.

I mean like, okay, all right, God you can't see my ring from the car, but out the window.

I mean he.

Actually, you actually have got a bit of you had a bit of a habit of doing this when you were single. When Sam's sister was here, Kiki, I remember they caught up kick and what he would spoken for like ten minutes, we got along very well.

What he turned around and was like, well, there's clear a connection there.

And I was like, literally spoken over ten minutes. She's been in a relationship for thirteen years.

He was like, well, there's such an.

Unstoppable connection there. I hate to be the home record, but it's clearly happening. And I was like, by the way, when I told sim that, I told Kiki that as well.

That they both cried with laughter.

And that's often the reaction.

That's often the It's amazing that I don't know how many times I can experience this and realize I was wrong, but I still I keep doing this.

This is optimism, just return. I want to stayed alone at a hotel. It was one of them.

It's like an echo retreat kind of hotelly kind of thing, and I was staying by myself and I wasn't really leaving my room that much, and I wasn't having any interaction with any human being. I've just sent one of those holidays and I had all these like microwave meals and tin food in my room, So I wasn't even going to the like the restaurants or anything.

I was really keeping to myself.

And because you didn't want to spend any money.

I bit of that, and also I didn't want to talk twenty one.

Unbeknownst to me, apparently the entire staff of the retreat was like, what is the.

Deal with this guy who's he's doomsday prepper with his room?

Has anyone seen him?

Like I remember, like there's been a sighting of him, but like he's not doing anything interacting with anyone.

So it's always like a bit of a red flag, like what what's he doing here?

Yeah, and I think I've booked ten days big time.

Yeah.

Well, I think they're all throwing around things like I think he's a monk and he's doing like a a thing like he's off.

I don't think I think of that.

Nine of the guesses would have been furiously masturbating in his room, but the other one might have been. I think he's doing meditation.

The reason I know this is because it got to a point where one of the women who was working at the retreat came like got me, Like, oh my god, I've like.

And it was like, hey, we're.

All Tasmanian Tiger.

By the way, we're all having staff drinks like you should you should come, like you know, why don't you come and join it?

Almost like a like a line help, like the olive branch, totally like a pity a total pity invite anyway of what we've been talking about in my head.

Remember I'm James Bond and I was like, God, I can't I can't go anywhere.

I'm trying to have this song on holiday by myself. Oh yeah, buy me to start drinking. I was even going to be there.

Good stuff. All right, Well look the show that's going. I'm going to get into the best things of the week right now.

We're a guy called Shane who look, if you don't know Ken, you hear it, Kenny do the difference between beer and soft drink just by the sound of the canning Shane. The current record is Hell by a guy called Gary Barlow. He's the lead singer of Take That. That's a mouthful to get out. Gary Barlow the lead singer of Take That.

So it annoys.

Usually have to play a song as well because.

I have to play the take that song that everyone knows. I mean Robbi Williams was in Take That's obviously knows it. But to take that song, Tom, if you haven't loaded there, he doesn't.

I deleted it off the button bar I was sick of I was sick of playing it.

But I have we can do an a cappellare we shimat?

Yeah, he's the record holder. He was in this studio and.

He did break the record, broke Joe Jonas's record and got seven in a row and.

Joe Jonas holding the record. Fine, everyone knows who's who Joe Jonas is. When Gary Barlow breaks it, I mean that lovely guy Gary got along with him famously, and in the UK is a big deal, but in Australia having to qualify the famous person that holds the record is really annoying. So we've all been hanging out for someone to break that record of seven.

Cans in a row.

And last Friday a guy called Shane called the show and did.

This right, here we go, Shane, can one.

That is a softering gentleman.

Yes, it is shame, shamee.

That is definitely a beer. Yes, shame, that is a beer.

Yes shame bright Oh Shane, here's.

Can for that is a soldering Yes.

That is another soft drink.

Sh here's can six. Here we go.

Come on, that is a beer. Sho can is a rare shade.

You're in rare as.

That is another beer. Oh my shiner, you've got.

So at that point we made the call to say to Shane, hey, can you are you free on Monday?

And there's a good reason why. You had Missy Higgins who was standing in the.

Like literally outside the studio, and you know she's obviously got a pretty tight schedule.

Lovely person. But we were like, I don't think we can make Missy just sit and wait and listen to a guy I guess can can drink all.

We want to come across as like cool, new as guys that are into music exactly, not commercial radio dickheads that are opening cans one at a time to get people to listen.

So not so we said a shame mate, free on Monday on Monday, Let's build this up, you know, like go away, go and train, listen to more cans, We'll see you on Monday kind of thing.

So that happened.

Shane was like, I'm free boys awesome Monday, So that was agreed to. The Other thing, which is important to note, is that he did also tell us that he looked a lot like Robbie Williams. At this point, this is on the phone, so we have no idea if he actually does look like Robbie Williams. But we did find out that he not only like cracked a lot of cans over the weekend to train to get the record for the Monday, but he also gave himself a haircut, got faked.

Got fake tattoos, bought bought a complete wardrobe, like he bought a whole new Anthin to look to look more like Robbie Williams.

Apparently, don't forget the haircut. Yes, yeah, his daughter's boyfriend gave him, gave him We're in a necklace.

We didn't know that, but again, we liked the idea that we wanted the moment on air to happen when he you know, when we saw him for the first time, so we were blindfolded in the studio and we're like, you know, is he actually going to look like Robby Williams. And I think let's take you now to the moment this is on air on Monday. He's in the studio and blindfolds are on. Yeah, yeah, and see him for the first time.

What you're hearing is when we our blindfolds come off, what we see, as you just describe words, is the Robbie Williams haircut, the fake scorpion tattoos on his lapel, and then he's wearing this gas man pink shirt, which was clearly the bit he was most proud of. And I didn't understand that. But when we took the blind miles off, he like pulled knowingly, was subtly at the shirt to be like, you better believe it.

I've got the shirt.

Boys angels brought me here.

No sorry, that's guy's question anyway one that he is not bad. Wow, he's got and.

You've got the tats, you've got the tattoos, you look like, thank you, thank you. I'm gonna put the accident for you. Robbie Williams. Nice to make you, would you would you like obviously your wife like she because you look like Robbie Williams.

But when you were mate, you actually feel like Williams. You have Robbie Williams eyes. Would you have people mistaking you for Robbie Williams?

Yeah, I did. We were in Hamilton Island once and apparently an A station Robbie Williams were hanging out Hamilton Island and my wife looked like Anna Station at the time.

You're kidding at the time. What happened to her?

She looks better now. That is the first te genuinely look like Bobby Williams.

Can eight?

I mean Woody currently showing me both cans to help me choose with him which can to go for?

This is eight?

Shaane.

This is a big deal.

This has been a very big deal for us for a very long time. I'm gonna be honest with you, and everyone's listening right now. You would do us all the favor if I had to no longer say that the world record was held by Gary Barlow from take that like if it was Mickey Mouse, or like Madonna or a single you know, let you know the person when you say the name celebrity. Totally fine, but I am sick of saying Gary Barlow.

From Take That.

I want it to be Shane from Nary Warren.

I want it to be you.

I'm all for it.

Let's do it, Okay, don't screw the crack.

Oh god, that is a soft drink.

Gentleman, we've had forty minutes of We built it up for forty minutes. You can take your blonde. You had eighteen on the woodlot.

No, no, tell us who the record holder is?

Again, mate, you love doing it us.

We wanted you to win so bad, no, I know.

Quite extraordinary, amazing, absolutely amazing.

It's not very often you get forty minutes to build up for a three second fail.

But that made it so really happened, made it so good. Now will something also happened straight after that? So so we go to a song. It's big laughter, great bit. Get him right around, Shane, just like because quite you know, he came into the studio, which from Liz, which is forty five minutes away. He's made a big effort to come in. So we're getting right around. Hugs, handshakes.

Now you I'm not sure if you went for a hug. I'm a hugger.

You I think just went with the hand, shook his hand, and then and then what did you do well?

While he was still standing there, I.

Just like to stop by saying that it's been a very it hasn't been a very nice winter in terms of illnesses for my family, and we've all been really sick.

Now you know that. You know that, don't you dare?

And you got and I as a result, I sit in here with a bottle of hand sanitizing next to me, and I would hand sanitize five times a show, like it's number one way to stop the spread of infection is by sanitizing your hand. So it wouldn't have mattered if he was the fucking Queen, I would have done what I did afterwards, And I just want to point that out. The unfortunate thing was that it has become so routine for me that I've forgotten that I've forgotten that.

You should keep it.

I forgotten that it might be mildly offensive.

To mildly mildly offensive to.

Shake someone's hand and then immediately sanitize afterwards, which is which is what I did.

Five second turnaround, with three seconds it was on the way.

I was like, it's been brilliant.

Tug his hand turned on a dime, double squirt, double pump, hands up full surgical wash.

He watched me.

He was a major away from unbelievable.

I couldn't believe it.

He's come all this way in given us his great bit and then you as soon as you touch it, we go better wash myself.

Anyway, let's go to add shall we tell you?

Guys got an ad when I think we should give him an Yeah, guys, the.

Chat, but the product is selling.

Here we go, will I was telling you earlier this week on the radio show that I.

Had hit on by someone at reception.

No, that was earlier in the podcast, nearly five minutes ago. I was telling you days ago that I had a romantic weekend booked.

With my beautiful fiance Mim for her birthday.

But it was a bit of an error. Well that was just a potential issue with that weekend. But yeah, here's me explaining it to you. What event did they try and watch the footy at? Usually on the phone. And the reason I'm asking that is because together with my partner, a beautiful romantic getaway has been booked for her for a birthday.

Beautiful keywords has been booked. That's because you can't say I booked because you didn't. She booked her own birthday weekend away because she knows you as grew up.

Now, that's just knowing your partner's love.

That's love.

So look and I play a role there, stuff up, Nobe. She likes that, I mean, she likes that, caring for all.

Right, let's go to yeah, no, that that probably is true. Actually, let's go to Ashley on the one six five. I think there is definitely truth in that. Ashley, this was your friend.

Hello, Yes, my friend watched The Rabbit O's semifinal at my wedding. And there's so I found out because when we've gotta have professional photos back, there's photos of her hiding her phone behind the centerpieces.

Are you saying ceremony? She was watching it during the ceremony.

Yeah, like my reception.

I've watched I've watched a footy game of a reception.

Actually, follow up question, dumple all offense having to organize your own birthday weekend, not my.

Own birthday weekend?

No?

Yeah, yeah, I think.

So you think dumb people. We're getting married in November.

It's Caprice, Hi, Caprice Hi.

Interesting, this is the story about your ex. Oh my God, damn, your ex tried to watch the footy somewhere where he shouldn't have.

Yeah, in the delivery room, No.

Way, No, are you?

How early on were you?

Like I was watching a bit of TV early on.

We had about twenty minutes before I went for a C section, and at that point I was like, watch this for what?

I don't care?

Shit?

Was that?

Was that the reason you broke up with him? Can I say?

Because is his is it his baby?

Is?

Ba hey?

I'm sorry it's his baby?

Though?

Yeah? Yeah, I cannot Okay.

And twenty minutes does the kid know that?

Not yet?

She's only one.

Little little rabbit oz obviously what she's cooled. Thanks for going cabreeze, And I think it's probably good that you've broken up with him.

It's Abril.

While you have one as a blank, you have one job there, and that is to give them your attention focused. If I took my phone out and started watching the foota during I would have lost a hand.

I would have lost.

Yeah, and I would have do as I said.

Though early on though, fine, we had a very quick as was like you were in there to one hundred very time. But yeah, yeah, no, we had ages, So there was a bit of like chill out, you know, try and relax, actually.

Get the oxytocin going.

But he could be a good thing.

But he was a good thing.

I was going to April here.

I've also watched foot in the room.

What happened with you? Your partner tried to watch the footy somewhere?

No, well, it was my mum and dad were getting married, and it's sixty three years ago on this coming Sunday, and my mom was walking down the aisle with her dad and so it's my pop. He had his transisor radio because Balmaine was playing in the Grand Final. As he walked down the aisle, he had to transit the radio in his suit pocket and his ear piece up into his ear like with the cord thing.

You could see it.

How wild is that he.

Brought his life good banks the call April. I mean, I know we're joking about a boll but I had a similar one with the ceremony thing recently last year, very similar thing. Guy in the ceremony and you know he did that horrific thing where he had he had the volume on full. Yeah, the bridal party walked past, Yeah, and it was the middle of the NBA playoffs.

So you just heard like Lebron.

Go to the room as as they walked fast and everyone heard it was crazy. Riley's called one six five. Riley, this was your girlfriend who was watching sport in the place you shouldn't.

Yeah, it was my.

Mother in law's birthday and they went to the strip club and Paramatta is a favorite team and she couldn't miss that. So she was sitting there watching the footy while all the strippers are up taking the clothes off.

Some shit, isn't it? The Paramatta eels yeah in more ways than one, Guy Montgomery, I think the best act at all the comedy festivals last year joins Us got a brand new show on the ABC And last time, Guy, we completely stitched you up because you have the same name as another very famous Kiwik committee.

I tell you what, you're a great guest.

When you get nominated for the most Outstanding Show at the Comedy Festival last year.

I will almost have to start again because I didn't get nominated last year.

You did?

No, Okay, well let's move on, shall we. Okay, let's we can talk about it if you like.

Oh no, I mean, I don't feel it aw cool. I just figured this is a pre recall.

Why don't we just stop and start again, you know, then us saying something crazy?

Why were we talking about your day job?

Because I know since you there's nineteen, you've been hosting New Zealand today, which is awesome.

It's a bit I'm trapped inside of a bit really good?

So good?

So is your guard currently up?

Guy?

No?

I no, if anything, listening back to that moment relaxes me. I'm cool under pressure.

So I went in saw your stand up show when you're in Melbourne, speaking of you being all under pressure. I had a very good laugh at a story you were telling about getting stage fright at a large.

And the urinal.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think is this common?

Is this common for you guys?

No, more or less common than it is for anyone else. I'd like to think that. I'd say, you know, you become more associated with something if you publicly talk about it. But I'd say everyone who's stood up at a urinal, who's listening to the show right now, you know, got the pants pedal going on full us out.

You still can't get it going. You know, you think it's when you're at.

The urinal and you can't get it going, and the guy's next to you're wrapping up. You're thinking, if these guys go, I'm in big trouble because if I get two new fellows on either side and they catch a peripheral gland to this dry little flag blowing in the wind, you know that's a crisis situation.

So when you wrap up, do you do you do?

Like?

Do you do you do a fake shake? I don't even know who.

I'm performing for. I do a little shake as though something's happened. I wash my hands, which I think is just intoqate whether or not any pisons come out.

Yet you've still touched it. You've still touched it.

There was a line of thinking about this though, and I'm not I always wash your hands, but like, is there a cleaner body that's been untouched the rest of the day.

Yeah, it's a good question.

Is a really good point.

Yeah, it's a good So when we wash our hands after doing a number one, and by the way, I also want to make it very clear that I always wash my hands, But when we do wash our hands after a number one, what is the funk we're trying to get.

Off our hand.

I think it's just the idea that somebody else is touching your penis. Effectively, it's a respect thing for them.

Oh okay, yeah, I think I've been doing it wrong. I use the sinks to scrub the penis because the hands, of course, the douty.

I'm just figuring this out now, and.

No wonder you're getting strange looks.

The water's flying in the sink. I feel a lot more confident stuff.

And you're judging people. Sorry, man, you're gonna wash there.

There is actually a factor, some facts of supported. I remember watching q I one at one point, and I reckon the fact was around the fact that a toilet seat had like a thousandth of the bacteria that a dishcloth had, Like I wipe my daughter's face with the dish cloths versatile.

I don't know there's anyone in the world who's washing their dishcloths enough. I'm probably putting them on like a weekly you know, a weekly laundry cycle with other bits and bobs around the houses.

It cannot be enough, it's not there's no way I'd be lucky to be Once a week for me is impressive, I reckon.

I almost get to the point where I throw it out. It gets so rank.

It gets a smell, it's unrecoverable.

It's pretty rude to fire something for working too hard.

Right, that's such a good job age.

What do you mean, No one's done more for this than me.

Absolutely, sul.

He's a legacy employee at that stage.

Tenure, good for culture, spiritual leader of the kitchen.

That'd be lost without him. We should talk about Guy Montgomery's Guy mont Spelling Me by It is an amazing, amazing TV show because it also includes smelling the word that you're trying to spell. This from the New Zealand version of the show of Justine Smith trying to spell what she was smelling y e A S t yeast is.

Not how you spell for cashier.

I'm so sorry.

I'd like to spell something else starting with it, but that would be homophobic.

I will say I was pretty happy with that comy.

Sometimes most of the days you're just at work, you know, not I mean, it's an incredible job, but like you're punching in and out and you think I did a good job, and then occasionally just you see it's you know, it's been in a flow state. You see the window of opportunity, you jump through it and you think I got one out there.

That was nice, It was good. You'd be happy to know that the airlock here really lit up and that I can never three or four times now.

So vindications still good. It's still hot.

Gay Montgomery's Guy mont spelling Bee continues tomorrow night eight point thirty, ABC TV, or you can binge all the episodes on ABC I View. I don't want to take you keep taking you back to your stand up show, but I just there were so many questions I had afterwards. I've been trying to explain to your issue with time, which you spoke about for about fifteen minutes at the start of the comedy show, like I wasn't s or whether you'd started or not, because I was like, she's.

Got to drop this time thing.

Can you just try and like paraphrase, and I know this must be hard what your issue with time was at the start of the show.

There's no issue. It's just and to me feel what you saw, you sort of you're seeing through. It's a trick I like to use, and I'm sure a lot of other comedians do, where it's sort of a run of false starts where you're amos. It's almost a hangover from when you're starting, when you're steering down the bowl of heaven to go for an hour, and you.

Think that's a long time.

It's too long really to hold anyone, and so you'd stack these little jokes or these little false starts at the top so that all of a sudden, when you're ten minutes in, you say, I'm going to start the show now. Yeah, you're sort of tricking yourself in the audience where you know you've just given them ten minutes a show, but because you haven't described it as part of the show.

Yeah, as an audience member, you're also like, oh my god, the show hasn't even started, and this is hilarious. Yeah, exactly, a great feeling as an audience man as well.

But often what happens at the start, especially when you're in the middle of a longer run of doing the show, is you are trying to generate moments for you to be alive in the room. So you know, you you wind up getting your show to a point not where it's all wrote, but we're eighty five tonight, it's identically every night, and so you need to kind of craft, these opportunities where you put that, you put their energy of every you know, like it's what makes it live. It's watching a show and watching like a dore for similarly.

Is that right?

I thought it was fac SIMI I thought it was fac simile shortened facts.

I thought it's a lovely one.

I also thought it was a fact that. I also thought it was a fake.

What is a fact simile?

I'm not sure.

It's like a it's like a light serve, a copy of something. It's like an authentic version of it, which is I think the trip you can fall into if you're performing the same show over and over again, you know, an audience might not get a live experience of the show. They might instead get to see a comedian remembering something they've done times before. So interesting, and so you're trying to create moments where you are in the room with them so that it's it's for you as much as it is there, like this is this is happening now, this isn't just.

That's fascinating, so that it's not metronomic every time you go back into it.

Yeah, that's really awesome.

And so up the top, what you're seeing is some of that would have been you know, I would have segued into material. A lot of it at the top is just genuinely you're just trying to jolt yourself alive so that everything is it feels precarious.

Cool man, Yeah, that feels it feels ballsy to me.

Guy, to like start your show with the moment where you need to be on your toes, Like in my head, I'm going get some punches in that you guarantee will work, a couple of wins, get some confident and then get on your toes. But you just start off and go, you know what, I'm going to put myself straight in the deep end.

No, I'm not going out there and stinking it up straight away.

It didn't feel lazy. I was halfway through it and I was like, at any point there to my partners, I was like, this guy, trust me, he's awesome. He was really funny on the show ten minutes and I was like, he's fucking bombed.

And we had no joking.

Guy. It was very It was I mean, that was the genius of it. It was so fucking funny. But it felt as if it was still like it felt as if it was very much improted.

I suppose also under the banner of time, you know, which is the domestic concept that we all look by.

Guy, thank you, congratsing end of the show, mate.

It was awesome, It really was great, and he thanks congrats on the new TV show.

It sounds like it's going really well.

Bro.

People, I'm not gonna lie. They like it and it makes me feel good.

Also, I'm actually doing I'm touring my stand up show a little bit around September.

You come back.

I can't get enough.

All right, where should we buy tickets?

Guy Montgomery, dot co dot in z.

It's confusing.

Someone else got that dot com.

They got that sweet got dot com action? Did they?

But I'm coming to Adelaide, Nurry Warren, you know, Okay, I'm coming to Gold Coast, Canberra, all.

Right, so do what I can. All the hotspots, yeah.

Yeah, I looked at a sort of a forecast of cultural hotspots in the coming time.

Melbourne's not on the map.

You've got some sort of sausage festival in Narry Warren which is huge and you'll be there for it.

It's down to the tulip the tulip picking.

Go and see him though, Seriously, if you haven't seen him, So the guy Montgomery dot co dot.

Nze to go and get your tickets for I'd probably just google guy.

It seems a little bit to you.

Figure it out that way.

Yeah, yeah, don't don't tie your fingers out punching it dot co dot in sid Lord knows those six keys are the stickiest ones on the board.

Pull your hid and will honestly save it, save your punches, That's what I say. You never you never know when you're gonna need that little bit.

You might need.

Flip if you had to go and flip someone off on the way home and you just you're just like no, I had to just google. Oh guy, get out of here. Good to see you, man, so good to see you. Good luck with your show. You guys appreciate it. I'll see you both when I see you.

Will, all right.

Yeah, I feel we're really making tracks. By the way, like you've got to be over halfway now in the pods.

Don't make it seem like it's an effort to get to halfway. Like you're enjoying yourself. I'd like to think it's not like you.

Run a marathon. It's like, okay, hey, guys, only twenty.

Two k's I've made a good tendine it though, haven't we Well kind of time we're like, look, hey, I it does also have made it sounded a little bit like it's a chore for you guys as well, Like I think, well done. If you've made it to this point, like an endurance event.

You've made to this point, you've proved yourself a true fan.

You must be bored, you must have nothing on your life. If you're still with us, well done, you made it here.

And if you are still here, we've got some good stuff for you right now, because plenty of good stuff. Well, we're trying to organize an end of year celebration for well, firstly ourselves but also our team. Yes, we like to really responsibly rip it apart at the end of the year to celebrate all the hard work, et cetera. But I think we're just at a point where it's like, you know, does the company pay for that? You know, that's that's that's something that we would never bring up with our bosses. But thankfully we've been toying with it for a long time.

We've never quite out of the confidence.

We've got a whole bunch of listeners though you enjoy our show and I'm more than happy to help us out in a time of need. So we've got one of our listeners, Maria, who is one, by the way.

Who is completely insane to call the woman. I don't want to give you the context, but we were in her house the other day and she had a light and she had a Michael Jackson doll brilliant still in the package in the packaging Unbeloved Collector's edition. She also had a fart jar in her toilet, still.

Ow two bucks.

Anyway, we got her to call our big boss dB, yes, masquerading as an assistant to our manager, just to seek out some treats for us at the end of the year.

And I think it went pretty well.

Hello, yeah, Hi, this is Maria. I'm just a personal assistant for Mark Clements. How are you today?

Good Maria? How are you?

Who sided to disturb you?

Now?

This is very important. I'm just going through my list of things that need to be done now. One of the main things that I need to discuss with you today is Will and Woody. I need to is that okay, oh, thank you, thank you? Now about having a day off now, hopefully this is not a big stretch. I know it's far down the track, but they're hoping to get the twenty second of November off, which is the last Friday of the year. They particularly want that day to have a you know, a big send off. I'm thinking here, maybe a cruise, a boat cruise, something, you know, music DJ what have you one? I long the err or you know Potinia or something like that. So what do you think?

Is this like for a team event that they're thinking, not for something or yeah, it's not.

A Christmas party for the boys and the gang. Now I've got to ask do you have a budget set? If not, and I sorry to intervene, I wouldn't mind going the extra mile if you can't do the boat company, I'm thinking maybe at a function room, possibly private function at the casino, one of their you know, one of their lavish rooms, you know set up. Yeah, what do you think? So it at me?

Well, I mean, I mean I've done it a couple of years where they've done their own private thing. I'll be honest, Mary, I actually I was going to talk to the boys this year about not doing that because there is like a full full station staff event which you know, it would be good to have them there like with all the rest of the team members, rather than just making it kind of exclusive to the Will and Woody Show, if you.

Know what I mean.

Yeah, I know, but the boys work hard and you know, and making people laugh and a good company, good value.

You know.

I'm sure you can just scratch the money tree at the backyard and blow a couple of you know, solids their way with a special event, you know, a boat company, or even like huge hampers. You know, I give the boys a huge hampers of cheese, bees and whatnot, you.

Know, I mean a hamper.

We usually do gifts for all the teams, so like things like a small hamper, etc.

I know, but this year here from a bigger hamper, you know, thinking of something a little bit bigger, maybe something a little bit more extravagant for the boys, because it's been a good year and they've worked hard, and I'm looking at their records and the things that they've done for the year, and I could say it's pretty impressive. I think that they deserve a bigger you know. I'm not trying to you know, cause anything here, but I'm just looking after the boys. Yeah, so what do you say?

Look, leave it with me, as I say, I would really like the boys to be involved in.

The whole hampers for the boys get around this.

And I'm like, whoever is at the other end he's talking, just will not let me have a word.

Gate.

You wouldn't shut up, And.

I know.

I'm so sorry. Boys, it's the it's the Greek in me.

I think he secured. It's a bigger hamper though, Maria.

So well done done, Thank you dB. We washed Maria's Jack Russell for how earlier today?

Oh right, and that was the payback, was it?

Yes? That was the bit.

That's an example of a great client bit we've done. That's brought in a bit more cash.

So right, I love it, love it.

We could put that to the Christmas party, That's what I was thinking.

Yep, yeah, I have it. Okay, thanksful, all right, you're on the final straight.

I can't believe you're still here.

This is I imagine this is like when you climb Everest and when you get to the death zone, which is what it's called because you are slowly dying. When you get to that final bit, Yep, you're in the death zone. If you if you get past the second ad break, you're slowly dying.

He must be slowly and we reserve.

This is where we reserve the worst year as well.

So like you know, if you make it, they're the last bit.

You think you're getting a reward, but you're not.

No, this movie keep it behind the scenes gear, which is you know, we put that in the death zone because like, if you made the death zone, you need a little bit of a cookie.

Yes, give you that.

Very shortly carrying on with the hottest gear of the week, though, I mean I want to give a little bit of context to this one woulds because I think it's important. On a Friday, we've got this segment called Freedom Friday. Now, freedom Friday is a contractually bound segment, right, we have to do Freedom Friday. It's in our contracts. And that's because every week you and I pitched thousands of ideas literally, and the producers have to filter them out and then put them into.

A two hour radio show.

I quickly go outside for something because I don't know if you have this arrangement with our fearless leader, Captain poop Pants, but often, well, what's been happening in the past is he writes back to all my emails and goes, this is a good idea, repitch.

It, or this is why I don't get that.

Oh you don't get that.

No, he just lets me. He just lets me.

He leaves me out in the cold. That's something I have discussed. You're like, oh, hang on now, poop beet, what.

I send you an email yesterday?

Yes, my case indpoint, he sent me one email saying he liked my ideas.

Okay, well this is this.

Is Sometimes he just sends me a photo back of his penish, just like this is what I think of them. It's disgusting, right, I tell you, I'm trying to pitch ideas here. And you know I'm throwing up my best gear.

Jesus Christ, I'm throwing out my best gear. It must be good.

Well it doesn't be good, yeah, or other such things. You know that he thinks a ten amount to the ideas I've sent. Take a photo a piece of shit on the sidewalk and be like, that's what I thought of them.

Yeah, Well, anyway, reason I bring it up, And this is particularly interesting given that you've got an email yesterday, poop pants, I don't reckon I've received one of these emails for a week.

What's going on there? I've been busy, clearly not you're sending dick pics to him.

If you've got time to get at a good the good light and the good angle to send your penis to him, then time to at least send me a doodle big or what's going on?

Do you want to do the email?

Now?

You can do it over the podcast if you.

Like, which I had some bad days this week. Just bring up one, bring up, just bring up one. But maybe you felt you didn't want to respond to.

Yeah, okay, there was one where you wanted to give your dad CPR.

That's good.

No, that's good for a number of reasons. Now, wait, that that is alive. I'm not even going to explain that, because that's that's a live. That was a good one.

Okay, all right, well that was a good one. Then that says a lot.

But the point is we pitch a lot of ideas and poop pans, and Tommy and LJ and analyse. They go through them and they tell us, you know that, like these are the ones that are going to fit in within the two hours and the radio show and without saying as much. The rest is shit and it's offensive. So we've got this little signem where we get to pitch whatever we want. Now, I pitched this idea.

I've been pitching.

I've been pitching it for three weeks and it was around the lights on jaffle Maker.

Yeah. Again, when you say it like that, it isn't sounding good. You go like, ah, God.

But it's their job because like when I write the email, I have the headline which is like lights on jaffle Makers obviously bolded, emboldened, and then I'll have a few dot points explaining why it's a good bit. Anyway, none of these haughty tawty pricks thought it was good. The only person that did was our audio producer Mark, who's clearly the smartest person in the room, and he was like, I think it's good.

Anyway.

These guys have been knocking it back for ages. We finally got to put it on the air on Freedom Friday. Because they can't touch the ideas for Freedom Friday, We're gonna we get a cart blanche to put whatever one on the radio in that segment. So we ended up putting it on the air. It absolutely exploded.

There are two lights on a jaffle maker.

Yeah, okay, when the green light goes on, does that mean that the hot plate is ready to cook the jaffle or does it mean that the jaffle has been cooked?

Yeah, let's got to deal. Let's see. Let's see what your reckons you're it? Is it dual?

Yes, it's still How old are you?

Do?

You got some strong opinions on this?

Deal?

First of all, this is obviously a shit hot topic.

What do you think?

Well, the green means that it's ready and hot enough to cook, and the red means that it's stopped cooking.

It stopped cooking, like it's done. Oh hang on, So no, I see Tom was in here saying that the lights don't have any indication as to whether or not the jaffle's done or not. But deal, you're suggesting that once you put that jaffle in there and you close the lid, when the red light goes on, that baby is cooked.

Yes, I agree with that. I think that she's right.

It might be different Jaffl machines here, But my Jaffl machine.

You've got it's red. Have you got I think it's a George Foreman. It's red.

You've got a George foreman jaffl Lardie.

Duh, it's red and then it goes green.

I think when the hot plate's ready, and then it's it's a red light and a green light that's on.

And then when I put my chaffelin yeah and close it, all of a sudden the lights go off.

Both lights go off or just no, just the green goes off.

Okay, maybe just the green goes off, which is what deals.

Maybe she's not saying a red light goes on.

Would think, I think we need a story arc.

I think we had two weeks on this.

I think that's what we're all thinking. Tagan's called.

I don't think the jaffle maker is smart enough to tell you whether it's ready.

Okay, so that's what That's what Tom said.

The lights determine that the hot plate is ready to actually cooking sandy. Yeah, you to decide if you want it super hot, a super crispy, and super brown. The machine can't tell you. He doesn't know whether you want to really chose it one. But Tigan, when we're confusing, many confusing because there's two lights like.

The green and red or on. And then I put my jaffeline and then one light goes off. What that's what is that signifying?

It's telling you that it's heating up again, because now you've put something on the hot plate that's taken the heat away from the hot plate to hang on.

Which one, but which one is telling us that it's heating up again because the red one the red ones. Can I just say, whoever's at Jaffele headquarters, whichever dickhead put a green and red light the two opposing light colors in anyone else's zitgeist on a machine and had them going at the same time to signify something should be fired immediately.

Definitely.

This is I think we need someone on from George Foreman or from Brevel.

Let's get George.

I'm gonna say, get the big get the big guys for George Master Foreman.

So and it's funny how the newer models haven't updated it as well. Even the newer models have a green and red light, they haven't just it.

Let's go, I've got a brand new bel Sue works at bing Lee.

Who is bing Lee? They make they make jaffles, They make Jaffls, so they sell Jeffls that you were talking about being a Lee the bowler Brett.

Sue fifty two. What do the lights mean?

You?

You must have explained this to someone while you were working at Bingley.

So the real answer is when the light is green, it's ready to put in. However, when you do put the item in, it does call it down. So once you put the item in, it will turn off and it will go green when it's ready again.

Well what's ready again though, like when it's hot enough again, or when the sandwich is ready, when it's.

Hot enough again, But when the sandwich is ready, So.

No, I can't have that.

So you're telling me it goes green when the plate's ready.

I think we all agree on that. I think, is it?

Yes?

First of all, why was it red before?

Then?

Like, just get rid of the red?

You know that the machine is on but not hot enough.

That's fair enough, okay, all right, well Jesus which asides quickly?

No, no, this is where I start.

Okay, okay, So the green comes on.

It tells you that the plate is ready to cook. All right, you open it up, you put your jacklin because the plate's cooled down again. Now here's the bit. Here's here's the bit on behalf of everyone in Australia when the light goes green again, we're back to my base question. Does that mean that the plate is hot enough? Or does it now mean that the sandwich is done?

That means that both of them are done.

And I'm sorry, I can't have that. You've got too, Bob. Each way, we're gonna have to hang it over the next week.

I'm sorry, it's got two weeks.

Manufacturer.

Let's get Brevel on board.

Obviously, go to the manufacturer. We have to, because clearly.

She they're sixes and sevens. We've just had a call from the horse's mouth.

Yeah, people are being lead. I don't even know what's going on.

To be honest, being lead doesn't sound like a reputable chapel maker. But all right, guys, now you're this far on the death zone.

By the way, if you are.

At Brevel, hit us up, because I reckon there's a product there that we could make.

With you with a different light system, just a better light system. It should be one light anyway.

Yeah, well it should at least not be green, which is the light that we all associate with something telling you to keep going.

No green ready, I think is good?

No disagree.

I think it should be like green good.

Go oh, I know that doesn't make sense, but.

Any read but the red obviously there is not better at the same time sometimes yeah, anyway.

And before we go, so you know the podcast feedback form.

Is live beautiful.

Well, I mean, and if you're in the death sign, then we know you're committed.

There's five questions, but you only need to answer one.

Okay, there's only.

One require What are the five questions?

Tell us your name if you want question mine? Question two, which is required, what do you think about the new podcast?

Yeah?

Open ended like textbox?

Yeah.

Question three do you prefer more radio bits or more chat around the bits?

Chill chat?

And that's a that's a multiple choice, so you can either select radio bits, podcast bits or it's the perfect mix.

Okay, I love.

Question four is would you change anything else?

Great?

And question five is do you have a message.

For the boys?

It seems like a lot of work, but I'm okay with it.

But you only need to put well, you have to answer one question, which is tell us what you like?

Can we put one more question there? What do you think Revel should change their lighting system too? On jaff formakers just gone?

Do you want me to put that?

I think it's one of those situations.

We go, yeah, mate, sure, absolutely, okay, all right, it'll be in the link in underneath the podcast. Great, well, that's the fourth time you turn your mic on you. You were at a clean three and you've infringed.

That was good though, thank you or what he.

I wasn't talking to you, but way to take the compliment.

You know, I'm good at that.

Now, final bit, you are in the dead sign, so you get a bit behind the scenes. Get Now, there's something happens foing about woods. But I just noticed it the other day. Obviously, when you work in radio or any any audible medium, or in media in general, you hear yourself talk a lot, and you hear yourself laugh a lot. Just comes along with the cherichy, Right, I think something is creeping into my laugh and I don't and.

I I don't like it. And it came up.

We had Sean mccauliff on the show during the week We Love Sean, Love Sean.

Yeah.

An Ales actually asked him. She buzzed in while he was doing the interview because we're lazy. She was in with this question about when he was working with Lisa Kudrow on a title a td TV show.

I'm just curious.

Did you get Lisa's number?

I did, We've corresponded.

The photo, in fact that it's been shared was the one that she had arranged.

She took that nice.

What do you correspond about Sean?

So far?

Only the only that photo?

I said, I said, thank you, very gracious.

I love Sean funny bit.

Did you hear my laugh at the end.

There.

Was again.

A bit of chain sorry about it.

All of a sudden I realized, and it was a shocking realization that happened so quickly.

I started laughing like Peter Griffin, you did a bit.

Go Oh my god, you have you're watching a lot of family.

What happened?

That good?

It's exactly the same.

I said.

I said, thank you.

That's a perfect swamp.

You're doing it.

You're doing it. Oh my god, No, you can't help that.

All right, we're gonna get out of here.

On that note, fill in the questionnaire if you want.

There's a beautiful animated background of a lotus pond.

That's nice.

At the end of the day, you're in the dead zone of the podcast. I know you care about.

One of you is going to get a girl as well, one of you will get a grill voucher. No, we don't have anymore. Pick it up. Yeah, I give them all.

Yes, great from our hearts.

You will pick that randomly.

Will and Woody

Raw and unsalted, Will & Woody have made a vow: to make a 'genuine attempt' at being less crap and m 
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