What In The Winkler?!Calm, Cool, and Definitely Not Collected with Oliver Hudson
Zoe Winkler and Oliver Hudson open up about their own battles with anxiety — and how it’s shaped their experience as parents. From managing their own nerves to navigating the anxiety their kids face, they share candid stories about marriage, competition, medication and insights on raising children in a world full of stress.
You are listening to What in the Winkler and iHeartRadio podcast. Hi, welcome back to another episode of What in the Winkler. I am so excited because today I have a guest on that is not a family member again for the second week in a row. And he's actually a really good friend of mine, my neighbor, an incredible actor. I love his kids, I love his sister, I love his wife, I love his whole family. And so we're going to welcome Allie Hudson to the show today. Zillie Oliver, What is happening?
Zoe?
Are you just going to be wearing your sunglasses in your kitchen for this?
It's so bad? Wait? Whats thatpp?
First of all, it's crazy that we're not doing this in person because you live next door.
Are you at the house? Are you kidding me? Well, why didn't I just grab a coffee and come over?
I mean I don't have a setup for that, so we can't do that. But next time we should have bought this through, explained to me why you're wearing your sunglasses. At eleven am.
Went out to Mauchine's house holiday party and it was only eight of us, but Aaron and myself just decided to, you know, stay up till five.
Am on a Wednesday night, on.
A Wednesday night, drinking, smoking weed, little maybe a little mushroom situation. And we leave tomorrow for Colorado. I have so much to do. We got woken up by Rio our daughter, and fully dressed, took her antibiotic, made her lunch, fed the dogs. I mean, this girl's you know, she's a dream.
Our kids go to the same school. By the way, Yes, you could have just called us. We could have just given her.
She's like, what's happening? I have to go to school? I mean, I don't know. Aaron's upstairs right now, being like I cannot believe you have to go talk right now. I'm like, I have I have so much to do today. And this is why one of my sunglasses because that I mean, I am look at this.
I mean, it's better than before when you had like one school and I so I feel like we're I feel like we're doing much better. Thanks for making the time. Thanks for making the time to do this.
No, what are you nuts? I mean a million percent. I get up and I'm like, I gotta do Zolway's podcasts and Aaron's like, what, you have to go talk right now?
So did Rio get to school? That's my question.
She did? She got to school, Aaron took her. I mean she was pulled over. She'd probably get like you.
I cannot believe that this is like still happening. I mean, if I got home at the time that you got home, I would be hospitalized.
No, I know, I know. I think it's a sad, sad fact that Aaron and I are were kind of pros.
And I it's because you're not Jewish.
I'm not proud of that. But hold on, So I am only because mom my mom's Jewish. Right, So I'm right.
So I guess you are, which is just which proves that, like maybe it's just you, it's just your constitution.
I think. So. I think it's years of plastic I did my twenty three and me and I think I'm twenty four percent.
Ashkana's okay, Well, that's great to know. That's great. I'm so happy welcome you. So Allie is my neighbor. He and his wife are good friends of ours. We love them. His kids go to the same school as my kids. His few his best friends with my son. So's there's a lot of crossover.
Well, I think we're more than neighbors, Babe, what are we I've known you for a thousand years. You have you know what I'm saying.
You have, You've seen the evolution.
You've happened to be neighbors later in life, but early, early on. I've known Zoe for a billion I've seen it all. I've watched her in Bug. You know, Oh my.
God, Bug, he got really mad because we talked about him in one of our episodes. He got mad. He dm me. I was like, this is slander.
How is he? By the way, I think he's really good.
I mean we're talking about my ex boyfriend and my ex boyfriend from like college, and I think he's really good. He is an amazing wife. She's so nice. They live around the corner from my sister in law, Rob's sister, so I see that. I've seen them, and he's killing it. I think he took over his dad's business and he has a sweet son. And yeah, could you imagine, I mean, thank god.
Back in the day, you know what I'm saying.
Like, oh my god, it was wild, wild, all the boys fighting, and you used to have like New Year's eve parties. That were the best. Those were the most fun.
Well, we used to take over as well, you know, we took over mom's house and just into you know, raging parties. Crazy.
Those were the most fun. Those were so fun. But you and I have a lot of similarities in some ways. I mean, we're very different in other ways, Like you can hang way harder than I can. But we both grew up with famous parents and then you chose to go the route of also being famous. I chose that like you chose that route after extraordinary. And we both also struggle with anxiety, and you and I have really connected on that subject.
Yeah, I actually I texted you last week. I'm not about anxiety, but I know that you know all the good doctors. Anytime I have sort of some mental health like question, I'm calling Zoe and I I texted you actually about ADHD. You know, we can get an anxiety in a minute, because that was It's a huge part of my life. But I will say to those who are experiencing anxiety as well, I I've learned to self talk that I am not my anxiety. It's just is what it is. Because sometimes I think that we can attach ourselves to that feeling, and you know, we we we almost like take it on as our as our personality, and it's not like it's not who we are, it's just what's happening. You know. Attachment for me sometimes is good when I'm having a bit of a bout of it, even though I am on lexapro. You know, shouldn't me too, same?
Twenty milligrams, babe.
I'm twenty We're the same. Yeah. Well, I wanted to make shirts that said, like, you know, lexa, like twenty milligrams lexapro.
You know, it's actually not a bad idea because it almost not we could start a side hustle in our neighborhood.
Of destigmatizes it if people are literally wearing like I'm on Selexa.
Yeah, I'm just super honest about it because I think, and I honestly think that this comes from having, for me at least having a father that was in the public eye. I think people always knew something about me before I knew anything about them, and they have assumed that I was one way. And so the way that I would kind of combat that is by being super self deprecating and open. And so I always like say the thing before somebody else, before I have like a feeling that someone else is going to say it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Yeah, that's interesting.
So I like overcompensate by just being super like I and sometimes I even like put myself down, but not that being on medicine is putting yourself down. But I'm just so like, oh, no, before you can say anything, like I know that I'm anxious, I know that I'm sensitive, I know that i'm you know, all those things. Yeah, And so sometimes it comes off almost like in a defensive way. And I don't mean it too because I'm so you know, but I see it now with my kids, because they struggle with anxiety, all three of them, in very different ways. And and so like.
I don't know that Wilder, you know, Wilder did, Yeah, well, stayed home from school. Wilder's my oldest son. He's seventeen now, I mean this was in eighth grade. So he stayed home from school. I took for almost a month, right, he was feeling.
Yeah, I mean, each of my kids, it's so different the way it presents, but it's all kind of like the same theme. And so it's so interesting when you and it's your kids you're even learning more and more and more about it, and then you're starting to understand it better because if you you know, it's this crazy thing that just takes on a mind of its own, but it shows up in people so differently.
Oh yeah, the silver lining of you having and going through what you're going through. And similarly with me, when your kids do have that experience of feeling anxiety and at the time they don't even know what it is, right But and I know this from experience with again Wilder, I can navigate him so well because I know exactly what he's going through. You can relate, I can relate, and I can sort of be a bit of an anxiety mentor in a way.
It's so funny because like with Ace, he doesn't want me to help him with his anxiety. He wants Rob because I'm so anxious and I try so hard. But Rob is and Rob my husband has anxiety too, but in such a different way. You know, he's so just like cool, calm and collected all the time, and and and so it's you know, it's.
Just like an interesting Yeah, Wilder, you know, said to me in eighth grade, he goes, I don't feel real this is how it started. And I was like, oh, what do you mean, because I don't know. I just don't feel real. And that's like disassociation, you know, you're disassociating with your body. And I totally fucking get that where it's like, oh my God, like through my eyeballs. I'm just like this life doesn't feel real right now, you know. And I had him right in his journal. I had him go outside and sort of get quiet and meditate and you know, go through the process of sort of understanding what is going on and knowing that you're not going to die. You know what I'm saying. These feelings are just feelings. It's not who you are, and it will you will get through it.
They don't define you, and it doesn't mean that it's going to be forever.
No, not at all, because in that moment.
It feels like it's just going to be forever, you know.
So like I was, I don't know. Three years ago, I tried to wean off of lexapro and I did it correctly, but for whatever reason, my chemistry got all fucked up, and I had a summer of complete insanity. I mean, trying to be a dad, you know, going mountain biking in Colorado, rafting this, this and that, but every morning waking up like, oh my gosh, I don't know how to I don't know how to function. But I had a choice. And it was one of my worst sort of four months of my acute acute anxiety. And and I I would never in my I would never kill myself. I would never do that, right, It's just not in my nature.
But I understood why people might, you know, Like I was like, I'm I'm of sound mind, but if for whatever reason, I was kind of snapped a little bit, it is the way that I was going to feel for the rest of my life.
And I believed that I'm not sure I could do that. Yeah, I understood essentially, like oh, maybe why someone might do something like that's help.
You can understand that the pain sometimes felt like or the like anxiety just it takes over and it feels so real even though it's not real, which is the fucked up thing. And so you could understand like how somebody would be in that much pain?
But yeah, yeah, yeah, how does how does you know and stay on anxiety the whole time? But how does years manifest? Like God, everyone's different, Like in my twenties, I used to throw up honestly, like if I went outside a fucking puke, I get it. That's not me everywhere, that's not me.
I just I percever, like I go on a loop, like I just like it's like it's always on me. But then I need to talk about it. And mine is mainly health, so I have tremendous health anxiety. Like sometimes I'll just tell Rob, like if I'm not feeling good, I'll tell him over and over and over again. I'll be like I know, I know, I know, because I just have to talk about it. And I and I have social anxiety too, but people don't know that because I am social in certain moments, like it's certain it it'll just like happen. And so like I don't go to a lot of things that and I felt bad because like I would be like maybe not showing up for a friend. This was years ago. Now I'm much better at it. But because I just couldn't deal with going, it took so much out of me to like just my social battery, my my my my battery was just dead and I would like go and then doing that would take so much out of me that then I just sort of sort of stopped doing it and I would only do things that like made me feel good. But then I realized I have so much in my life that I mean so much to me when my friends show up for like you know, with my nonprofit or you know. Now that I've all these things and so now it's like I just book myself solid so that like I can't stop to feel the excitey, that's what I do now. So it's just like a mixed bag. But I mean, like I have a healer who I was literally talking to before this. Who knows you really, Jackie Jackie Leonardini. Oh my god, she's my healer.
Oh my god, she's she's amazing.
She's friends with your friend and Aspen, who I really want to set up on a date.
Yeah.
And then I have a therapist, and I just like I really try so hard. I like I'm constantly just trying everything I have to.
Does the medicine help, I mean, you're drugs, Yeah, it definitely helps.
But this idea that like you take this magic pill and it's like everything it's that's so not true. You have to do all the tools.
It just it helps manage.
Yeah, it just helps, like you be able to Yeah, where it's just like overwhelming, but like something will happen that's so crazy and like so not worth my time. Like remember when that thing happened with that dad in my class and I was obsessed with it, obsessed, obsessed, and I couldn't let it go. It actually came to a head at Kate's birthday party.
Yeah it wasn't it all all resolved, but the fact that like I literally couldn't let it go for like months, Rob was like these people live rent free in your brain, like and it's just like and I want to stop, but I can't.
It's like that kind of stuff.
You know what I'm really that you know, you are sort of a one of a kind human being and for better or worse, and for me for better, it makes you who you are. And now I know I just said anxiety doesn't define you, but there's something about it with you where it's like that's Zoey, Like you know what the fuck you're getting with Zoe.
That is a compliment. I'm very happy for that.
Like she's going to tell you what it's tell you what's up. And this is part of it's part of what makes you like charming and funny and all of those things because you own it.
I do. That's why I love your wife so much. Does she ever get to come on your podcast? Because she's just the best person ever.
Yeah, she's amazing. We actually had a podcast. Oh yeah, it was called The Unconsciously Coupled.
She also, though, is like unapologetically her and I think it's like the most incredible quality. She's so and I obviously think it's an incredible quality because I have it too. But she is just so calm and cool and like she just gets life in a way that I do not.
Yeah, she sees the great not just she does, she does in everybody she does, you know, even though you know, there could be a fucking checklist of why you.
Shouldn't like, and I'll remind her of.
Why, Like she likes them. I know they're hard, Like.
It's kind of an I mean, it's an amazing quality because we'll be on walks and I'll be like, did you hear like that person you know is so not nice and did you know what they did to me? And She'll be like, oh, but like I know, but like, you know, they're great and I love her.
No, I love her and it's hard to live up. It's hard to live up to in the sense like okay, so you're perfect and I'm not, you know, so ah, God, like how do I how do I sort of live up to your standards? But she doesn't put that pressure on you.
Guys are such a great couple because you guys love. There's so many now that like we're in our well, you're a lot older than me, but now that I'm forty four, like I'm forty older, okay, whatever, it's a lot of years and Rob is seven years older than me. But I see like couples that just like don't really like each other and it's such a bummer to be around because like Rob and I fight and we like bicker, but we are obsessed with each other. We love each other. And you and Aaron are the same way. Like, and it's like it's really hard to like go to dinner with a couple and like, of course, like there's like little things and you might get annoyed with each other, but it's like in a funny way. And then you go to dinner with somebody and it's like they they're at that we're at that point now we've been married almost sixteen years, where like people are starting to like maybe not like each other, and it's like the most it's the worst hang because you're just like wait, what Like then you feel like, you know and not that like everything's perfect, but like I'm very happy to be married to Rob. And then I look at these and I'm like, I don't ever want to hang out with those people again. They like hate each other. It's so awkward.
I know, you're so right. It's funny. We've been talking about this because I've never really again, I everyone, you know, I have a podcast and I broach all kinds of topics, but it's so true. I've never really talked about that where you know, we reach this level in marriage or being together where you know it's you have to sort of take a look at it and if you become those people, yeah, it's not a way and a life to live. And it's so funny because you can get caught in ruts and yeah, you can become passing ships. Especially with kids.
Yeah my kids, I mean my youngest is still seven, so like I am in it with my kids. Your kids are a little bit older.
But you have to you know that. I know it's so trite, but that communication is extremely important. And you know, I found myself, uh, not really communicating much with Aaron about the way that I feel about wanting to be loved on a little bit, more about wanting to be touched and physically felt and I because that's how that's my love language.
Rob two. But I'm so scared that if I touch and then we're gonna have to have sex.
It's the same thing. But I I just like go like this, yeah, yeah, like just lit on his forehead. But I in my way, because sometimes it's hard to bring up these things, and especially as a man, because it's it's you being vulnerable, and being vulnerable is scary obviously, and you know you're opening up and you're letting your guard down a little bit, sort of saying you know, this is the way that I'm feeling right now and not easy for me especially, and I think men in general to do. I did it in my own way, meaning I was like fucking with her and joking, but then all of a sudden it spiraled into a real conversation. She was airing out her sort of grievances with me. And I was with her in that and it was very constructive. It wasn't angry, but we hadn't do anything like that in a long long time. And this was last week and this week has been like the best our relationship has been the best it's been in a long time.
Yeah, you have to have those conversations.
No, I know, it's crazy and it's weird.
Like my parents would kind of like fight in front not in front of it, like not crazy fights. But I always thought it was weird when I heard like, oh, we never fight, you know, like I think it's important to see your parents, you know, have disagreements. They don't always have to. And then like it's so safe, you know to Then I remember when the when Ace was firstborn and Rob and I would like I had postpartum anxiety, not depression, but I was so anxious and I was like insane and he would say something to me, yeah, and he would say something to me and I would be like, I don't know why you're weighing in and he'd be like because I'm the dad, and I'd be like no, no, no, like this is not like and I remember you like, like this is confusing. Why are you still here.
Yeah, and thank you for your seed. Yeah, I appreciate it so.
Much and now I got it from here. And I don't know he would we would like have these conversations and I don't even remember what I was going to say, but it's so important, and I get defensive because I would rather die than hurt someone's feelings or make anyone feel bad. So sometimes if Rob, and Rob has like a lot of constructive criticism for me, and sometimes I'm like, I need you to stop, like start with like a few things, you know, but he has like a lot of and so but it's funny because whenever we sort of get into it and we really talk it, yeah, I'm just like, I pick one thing, babe today. But whenever we get into it and we talk it through, we always end up on the other side. And I'm so grateful that we have those conversations, even if he has a hard time being vulnerable and I have a hard time receiving it because I'll get defensive. Yeah, I know, we always end up on the other side.
Oh, this is just it's sick relationship shit. One on one. I mean, yeah, practice what you preach too, and you have I'm doing your podcast, and we and I have on my podcast and we sort of, you know, we we get into these conversations about you know, oh my god, this is what you need to do. And when we give advice to friends, you know, it's very sound advice, but we don't oftentimes follow our own no no, no, I find myself in that situation all the time, like, you know what, you got to do this, this and this and this is what you're feeling. And then I stop. I'm like, maybe you should do that too, Oliver our like one hundred.
It's so much easier to give advice rather than to like enact it in your life.
Oh I know, but I'm definitely I'm not.
At the point in my podcast where I'm giving any advice.
I'm just trying to you should Maybe you should. I mean, I don't know if it's gonna be good advice, but it's.
I don't know. Maybe we'll have it like an ask Zoe one o one, you know, just ask me something.
Through your filter, like a fuck that and fuck him and you know, yeah.
I'll ask my therapist, I'll ask my healer. We'll get it. We'll get a full team on on board.
You should bring your healer and therapist on I.
Mean, and I don't think my therapist would ever do it, but I do think I do think Jackie would do it. She's so incredible. I went to like a weekend seminar that she did in O Hi, all about like your Shadow, and I just fell in love with her. It was her and Casey Crown they do it together, and I just like fell in love with them. And now I work with Jackie, and I I am so grateful. It really like helps me take a look at like things from a different point of view.
Are you into psychics and stuff?
Very very much?
So?
I have an appointment next week with a psychic named Fay, who I love to but she follows me on Instagram, so I don't know. Sometimes like is this just like the biggest waste of money I've ever you know, just like I mean it's not crazy expensive, but like it's still money.
And it's you know Fay, because you know, I mean, I've seen a thousand psychics because my mom and if it's the same Fay, I know Fay very very well.
It is, I'm sure the same Fay. Are you being sarcastic?
No, I swear to God I love I should have got well, tell fucking Faye that all of he says hello, because I will. No.
I know she said that the podcast, She said my podcast would be successful. I'm not there. It's not really working yet. But I'm going to go back and talk to her about it.
No. I mean my mother is you know, so into the oracles, right, yeah? And I have. She's presented all of that to me at a young age, and I have sort of taken it on and I've seen them all and talked to them all, and do.
You love it?
Like?
Do you get something from it?
Here's what I think. I think that I think that we're too complicated. Our brains are too complex not to be able to connect to something bigger and deeper, you know. And if someone can sort of access that and feel what they feel, I believe that that that is a real possibility. There's grain of salt, you know. Obviously it's not just take it at its word. I do think that it is. There's positive affirmation to it all to where when I finish a session, I'm like, everything should.
Be great, amazing. I want to.
Be as famous as my sister and George Clooney. Look out you know what I mean, Like I leave those sessions like that, and then I'm like okay, like okay, you know, but I I have definitely consulted them a bunch, especially with jobs. When I am in a situation where I'm like, do I take this job or do I take this job? Do I leave my kilt my kids for for two months or not? I'm like calling all the psychics like what do you think?
Do they all say the same thing. That's what I want to know.
They do, honestly, Faye. They was the one who basically said when I was going to do nash.
Yeah, oh that was my favorite show. It was my favorite show.
Go do it, Go do it like it's going to be good for you. I know it's hard because you just had Rio. Rio was ten days old when I had to leave for Nashville, and I was really gutting me because I'm a dad first, Like, yeah.
You're an Honestly, you're an incredible dad. My kids are obsessed with you.
Thanks. I love your fucking kids. They're always in my garage like hey, can I can I have that bike? Yeah?
Well, during during COVID when I want to get back to the nashvilleing because I'm so obsessed. But during COVID, Ollie would set up like full he lives like literally nuts around the corner and he is on a cul de sac, and he would set up like these like ramps.
Yeah right there, and he would set up these rams.
And my kids were like, why aren't you more like Allie to run?
No? I know, well, you know, we're a big mountain bike family. And I had a really nice bike that ever my kids grew out of, and you guys, you adopted the bike.
He sure did, We sure did.
And then body has a suron which is like an electric motors I see.
I literally just watch him.
Yeah, he's the neighborhood.
And uh, I have a hard time with those bikes. And whenever Ace goes to bings, they ride those fucking bikes.
And I know, well Ace is always like Dad, like I want one, Like I want one of these, and you need one of these.
There's a very big difference between your kids and Kate's kids and my kids. Like your kids know how to ride those bikes. My kids have no fucking idea they learn. We bought Ace a full motorcycle helmet.
You did, Yeah, just walk in Brentwood.
Yeah, just to walk, just to walk around the neighborhood. So like I literally he rides these bikes and I get pictures from all over the Palisades, Brentwood, like the West Side with just like a picture of Ace in a full looking book. And then I also get pictures from Ace and Bing and River at the farm shop having machas. And Rob is literally my husband's in construction and he'll be like, I was just underneath the house and my fucking twelve year old kid is having a macha at the farm shop.
So Bang is my sister's kid, my nephew, and As and Bing are our best homies.
They are and they're so cute together. They've been friends since kindergarten when Ace, you know, they were They've been in school together since kindergarten. They've been really good friends ever since. And they are super tight right now.
Yeah, that's so cute.
Wait, you guys just did a skim sad Yeah, I saw it. It is so good.
Yeah, it was fun. We went in New York and it was a whole family affair. And my kids are like, what we're going to be in skims at you know, and they're like, you know, they want to be in the thing, and and and my you know, the whole family. And it was it was a blast. I mean it was. It looked so fun, it was really fun. It was it was great. It was fun. I mean.
And you have a production company now.
Right, Yeah. Yeah, it's called slow Burn Deal at Fox, just producing shows.
And I love being a deal, just a deal.
It's just a deal. I love being an actor. But you know, there's there's too much to do, you know. I'm an old get into be an old older man now, and it's just such an unstable occupation, honestly, And it's from a creative place. It's not as fulfilling as you might think it is, because you are chasing your next job, especially in this environment and landscape that are business is in right now. Like you're kind of chasing a job jobs like I'm doing. I'm doing a Christmas movie in February for Netflix with Alicia Solverstone and it's really a sweet, sweet movie, honestly, it is. At the same time, it's like, all right, you have to fucking work, you just have to. My production company allows me to sort of just be more creative and put my brain out there and my ideas.
But it's crazy that like actors, it's the only I think, it's the only profession where you don't get like a promotion for doing good at your job, you know, Like there's so many incredible actors who never will work or who will work and then just never work again, even though they're so talented, and it's simply it's not based on their skill. So it's this weird. I'm so grateful that Rob is no longer an actor.
I would die, I know, but he has some cool stories though by.
The way, he can come on a different time and tell them. Don't they make me.
Want to But but look at your look at your dad. I mean, who is an iconic you know actor and I played an iconic character.
And he went through periods where you couldn't get a job and he would have to like reinvent him.
Could write a book and what happened, you know, bang Bury and that's it. Yeah, he's had a resurgence like that, Yeah happened, you know what I mean.
And I'm so grateful for him because he's so happy, like he's happiest working. I mean, he's seventy nine years old. And I said to him, like why don't you like take a break. And he was like, when you take a break, your body takes a break, and that that can't happen. Like he just he has to keep going and working and and he loves it so much and it brings him so much joy, and that's such a great I mean, what could be better than that doing something that you love. But he's one of the like very few lucky ones.
Your mom, your dad, Yeah, well, Kurt, my dad is like you know, doing He's in Australia right now. I mean, he's had a real major sort of resurgence. I mean, the guy's making probably more money and doing more gigs than he has in a long time. But Mom, Mom has chosen a different path, you know what I mean. Like she still wants to work for the it's got to be the right thing, right, but she's more about sort of her foundation and the last twenty years she's just been building it. And it's a full time job, you know, So that's sort of what her focus is. Although I would just fucking die to see her back on the screen. I just to me, it's a waste, you know, it's up to her. But was so amazing. I watched so amazing. I watched a Sugarland Express, which was one of her first movies, was Spielberg's first movie ever, and we actually watched it in a in Spielberg's house at in his theater, which was really cool because he had a print of it. And she's so fucking amazing and cute and charismatic and just and when I watched it, I'm like, Mom, it's not over, like you gotta do it again, like you have to fucking work again, because she's so incredible.
And she's just like comfortable with where she is right now and focusing on her foundation, and yeah, no, she is. It's hard sometimes, like with parents, because you want to I don't know. It's like we're at this age now where our parents are getting older.
And I Kate, my sister, I'm just like it's like, oh my god, my mom. I'm like, Kate, don't yeah, And she's like I know, but like huh, I'm like, I know, but don't. We don't need to fucking go there right now.
It's truthfully, like yeah.
It's we don't need to do it, but it's.
Like this weird thing and then you want to sort of like help and say like, hey, you think you should do this? I mean, my dad doesn't listen to me about like anything regarding work. Only Max. I'll be like, I think you should do that movie and he's like, I'm going to talk to Max, like okay, but yeah, I mean.
It's the guys that real, Like is that actually true?
Yeah? Max right now is like, you know, crushing it right now, he's crushing it. He's working his fucking ass off. I mean he works seven days a week. You know, he just had a baby, he had a second baby, and you know he was back at work.
Does that I know you're sort of being funny, but do you care? I mean, does that hurt in any way? Where I don't.
Care at all? And I honestly, I mean I'm so close to my parents and my brothers and I all have like really special relationships in different relationships, so like it's not that doesn't also that that's like not what I'm good at. Like my favorite movie is Can't Buy Me Love? Like I'm not, you know, like I'm not like, by.
The way, yeah, incredible.
Fast movie ever, But I'm saying so like I don't like go to the movies. That's not like if I get to go out, like when Rob and I go out, I want to go out to dinner or like a party. I don't want to go to a movie, Like I don't want to like sit in a room and like not talk and not drink.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, like no, thanks, you know, I get it. I get so.
No, it doesn't bother me. I mean I Max is the only one that really went into competition.
You have competition. You don't have any competition with your siblings.
And oh I do have competition with my sibling. But about being the favorite, not about like work, do.
You really I mean kind of favorite?
Max?
Like for sure, both.
I think, well, now I might be a.
Man dad like they both Max is the favorite.
Well I handle everything. I handle everything like I handle like I do. They call me for everything. It's like family dinner. Is this that organizing? I organize our family trips? Yeah, with the travel agent. But like I am the one that's like you know, so I know we have like different roles, but Max is just easier. Which is like the last two episodes I did or that before that was like all about this. My dad actually came on and with Max and we were talking about how like he's just an easier child in some ways, he's like less needy. But as an adult, I don't feel that way. As an adult, I feel like we're all jed Me, Max, We're all sort of just like we all have like really, we're so lucky. We have special relationships with all of each of our parents, and it's like a you know, do you feel like there's a favorite in your family?
Oh? Me? I mean my mom, I'm her favorite, like there's no doubt about it.
Yeah, that is so funny.
No, I mean I think there's a special play for the first born. Yeah, I'm not saying that overall, like firstborn is the favorite because the firstborn can be a fucking crazy person. But there's a special place because this is where as a parent, you cut your teeth, you know what I mean. Rio had it so so much better honestly than I. When you're when you're a first time parent and you're like, Okay, I don't know what the fuck to do, and I think I'm going to sleep train you, and I know you're starving, but the book says don't fucking feed, So I'm gonna let you want your fucking eyes.
Out in there it's so psychotic.
Put them on the tit and like let's go. But we're like no, no, no, you know. And even as a teenager too, even as they get older and go through their phases. As a parent, not just infant stuff, you are cutting your teeth because you are learning from your first born on how to do it for your other kids.
And they're all so different. So it's like you're learning this one kid and then you're gonna have another kid.
Yeah, who who? Yeah, So you're so right. I mean, I had a conversation with Wilder once when we were going through it, and I think it was a school situation or something, and I was angry, and I might have said something, you know, that was wrong, or I accused him of something that wasn't right, or I forget what it was, but I basically said, look, you know, you're growing up and you're learning who you are and how to sort of navigate this new kind of teenage world and you know, executive functioning and all this shit. I said, I'm learning too, so I'm going to fuck up. You're going to fuck them, and by the way, I'm going to fuck up too, you know, And I think we have to give each other sort of some grace stuff. I will always go to my kids and apologize if you know what, my bad. I shouldn't have yelled, I shouldn't have done that. I went over the I went over the line, I didn't know the facts. Whatever, my bad. You know, I think it's important, you know, honestly, as a parent, to forgive yourself sometimes for maybe trying and failing because.
We I mean all day. Yeah, yeah, I'm nervous about the teen. I mean, Ace is about to be thirteen. I actually called Kate the other day because I was like, you have older kids, like help me, Like I I'm and I remember when our kids were going into middle school. She was like, buckle up, babe. She was like, this is gonna fucking rip you apart. And it's true.
Yeah, it's hard, and.
It's hard to like know when I'm definitely like the stricter of all the parents of like his crew, the four of them, And you know, I don't really allow play dates or hangs. I guess they'm not called plaates anywhere like hangs during the week, and He'll always be like I'm the only one, and I'm like, I don't.
Know what to tell you, like, why don't you allow hangs?
Well, first of all, because it's a we have a lot going on during the week, and I just feel like he needs to be home and like doing his work, and like the weekday he can do his thing on the weekends, but the weekdays are for school. And but at our school, the kids don't have any fucking homework, so like, I know, so I'm.
Like, what do I do, Like I'm for contact Zoe. Alsoe's kids and all my kids go all go to the same school, different grades, but all the same school.
And Oliver went there, and my husband went there, and my brother went there. It's like, you know, and it's great school, but I wouldn't say it's the homework is not, you know. So I'm literally like, so the kid comes.
Home, especially Wilder, like wild like he's in eleventh grade, like his pivotal year, and I'm like, yo, you got homework. He's like, no, what do you mean? No, everyone has homework. He's like I know, And then I can look because you can go online and sort of you know, and he's like, man, and there's no school. He's like sleeping in till eleven. I'm like, you this three period. What and then he's like he goes to school for like forty eight minutes and he's backing. Yeah, another brief period. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? What am I paying?
I know, I know, but I so I guess maybe I have to talk to Rob. Rob is like way stricter than I am, believe it or not. Very Oh my god. He is like there and my kids don't have social media. He doesn't have social media yet, and I feel like he should get it. He's in seventh grade, Like, I feel like he should get it, you know, with the restrictions if he gets good grades in January. And so, I don't know, we have to figure it out.
Yeah, I mean, you know, I have I don't know, as you know, sort of the way that I do things, it's very kind of liberal as far as parenting goes. I'm like, oh, I fucking go uh, you know, go on your motorcycle. Be safe, be fucking smart. That's what I say whenever my kids leave the house, and like, be safe, be smart, be smart, be safe. You know. It's like just have that in the back of your mind. At the same time, I think the kids need this freedom, they need to have that independence. They need to get into trouble. They need to sort of feel what it's like to pull themselves out of a situation that their parents aren't going to aren't going to help with, right, So I let them sort of go social media. You know. It's like, look, I can't we can't avoid it, you know what I'm saying. It is part of our the fabric of our culture right now. Do I love that they're scrolling through TikTok? You know, no, right, but it is what it is, and I just try to create a balance. Like you know, Wilder does jiu jitsu twice a week. You know, he's an he was an acting he's an acting class. Like, okay, do that ship and then you can, you know, you know, be a part of what this this tech world is, which is just normal, you know. And for me, I think that the more that you give it to them, the less they crave it. I totally agree you hold it back sometimes, like I it's.
A forbidden fruit. It's like I feel that way with like sweets, with like everything. It's like if you then you're gonna have like a kid like eating in your closet or something.
My sister like she did not give rider who's now twenty one years old, But it was like no, I mean, she was very strict about sugar and this, this and that, and he would confide in me as a little kid. He would sneak downstairs in the middle of the night, right and shake it whatever shit he could and put it like under his mattress and his pillows and stuff. Right, it's like I need it, you know what I mean?
Right, Right, It's hard. It's hard to like know because you and I are different in that way. Like I would be like riding a bike next to him on the motorcycle, like stay safe, but like it's just it's very hard for me. So it's like it's I'm learning and I'm learning as I go.
With Aaron, She's it's not easy for her. Yeah, but Aaron took selects. Aaron's on selecsa that like she seems like even person, but she had that real anxiety, like real anxiety, and she was she was always like sort of catastrophizing, you know what, I do that all the time. Yeah, And it got so prominent and the visuals were so real that I mean that she had to take on is on SELECTSA to sort of curb those thoughts, because yeah.
There, intrusive thoughts are real, and they feel at the time like it's like I'll talk to people and they'll be like, well, has that ever happened, And it's like, no, motherfucker, it's never happened, but it's going to this time, you know, because it feels like in that moment, like there's nothing you can do and it just it's like it's so I'm always so envious of people who just like don't have that gene or that back because it's like I don't even know what that would feel like to just sort of like simply just be like we're good, everything's good. It's a warning amazing, you know, Like I.
Just I don't well, it doesn't help that we are inundated with you know, just fear based yeah, content. Yeah, I especially like you know, with social media and your algorithm. The minute you click on you know, you know your son is kidnapped and raped and you're like, oh yeah, and then when you're fed all of that shit and now that its perpetuates your brain and you're just like, oh my god, that's gonna happen to ace. Yeah, leaving the house. You know, you're just watching videos of kids and hearing reading articles like the kid dies on an e bite and you're just like, oh my god, you're never on writing an eb that's true.
Actually that did happen, and I and I and I that's why the child now wears a full But I mean, how can like some of these things, like how can they be good? Like we're giving our twelve year old boys motorcycles? Like that's crazy?
Yeah, I mean is it? Though?
I mean kind of, But I mean your kids, you know, spends so much time in Colorado outdoors like you you know, it's just totally different. You know, my kids are like.
Totally and I'm not I'm not saying, you know, be reckless with it, but no, I know I was in I was in New Jersey working. This is like last month, and Aaron calls me and she goes, so body wants to go on a ride out. I'm like, okay, I'm like, what's a ride out?
Yeah?
She texts me this YouTube video of a ride out where all of these kids meet up at a location. When I say all, I mean like fifty to one hundred, like seventy kids.
On like strangers yeah, okay.
Posted on social media or the rideout is happening here and there's like seventy of these fucking kids on their e motorcycles or surans and so you know, like but bing has all this stuff, and Aaron's like, I'm going to take him. I'm like what she put my put his bike in my truck and took him to this ride out that already in Culver City. And he went from Culver City all the way to Marina del Rey into Santa Monica, up through Brentwood blah blah blah in the middle of the fucking street. I have videos of my son like wheeling down like Venice Boulevard.
Bless you, I mean me.
I was like, what is going on is highly illegal? Like you saw you're fourteen in the street with a pack of kids in traffic, meaning like you're on a sidewalk. They'd taken over the road. And I was like, all right, did you have fun? He goes that was amazing. I was like, great, because that's the last time you fucking do that.
But you let him.
I did because you know, I'm like that experience, you know, that sort of feeling that he had and trusting him even though honestly, probably was not the best choice for me, even as a parent who is pretty lenient with that stuff. Probably not the best choice because I know it's illegal. He shouldn't even be on that bike in the street right now. But at the same time, like you know, have have a moment, you know, have an experience.
Live your life, live your life. I do most do you think that most of these parents that are like your kids friends parents, they are kind of like on the same page as you.
We're definitely the more the crazy or more lenient family, like one hundred percent, you know for sure, you know, I mean Sam is pretty lenient as well. I think like.
Aaron, Sam is one of my best friends and one of their best friends, who also is our.
Neighbor, like right there, but yeah, I think Aaron and and our family has maybe rubbed off on them a little bit. But their daughter Land and his best friends with my son, and she's I mean, it's like an open door policy. And their kids are in and out of my house like all the time. And she comes in last night and she's like panting, like what the hell is going on? It's the day, it is still light, and she was afraid that she was going to get kidnapped from her house, which is like literally across the street five printed here. And it's funny. I mean it's it's like I was like what I was like, She goes, I got a friend kidnapped. I'm like, you're oh my god, and that's Mitch. That's not even Sam. Mitch is Sam's husband.
It's actually me telling her, just kidding. For your life, Ollie, I love you, Thank you for doing this.
Of course, babe, anything for you.
Are you going back to sleep?
No, I have to wake up at five am and drive to Colorado tomorrow, so.
I have this crazy. This was crazy, This was amazing.
It was really fast to what I've done, but it was good for me because it got me my ass up. I have infused some energy into my body and I'm ready to start Agay
Okay, good well, I love you, thank you, Bye bye
