This is t pod. Hey guys, welcome back to this week's Teddy Teapod. I felt like it was fitting that maybe we get into the discussion of bullying, cyber bullying, social media bullying, all those type of things because of what's been going on in my world this last couple of weeks. I mean, of course, there has been so much love and so many great comments, but within those great comments, there are some things that people say that are just so brutal, and you know, whether it's they wish that I died or wishing harm on my kids, I think it really just should remind us all that, like we don't always know what everybody's going through, and in the world of social media, in the world of so many unknowns, we've got to just take a moment to like, if we don't know what's but he's going on, what's going on in somebody's world, take back a moment and say, like, maybe I shouldn't say that, Maybe I don't actually wish this stranger dead, Maybe I don't wish this karma on their kids. Like around the same time people are saying karmically, we hope something happens to your children. You know, my daughter is getting neurosurgery, or my son's broken his thumb or whatever it may be. And I am, like, you know, trying my heart is not to break down and be the strongest parent that I can, but also trying to be this balance of being myself on social media and saying like here, I am sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly of myself, but like, also, you're really hurting my feelings and I don't know you, And you know, it's been a really like sad week with Chad Chadwick Boseman's passing away. And I remember back when he was doing Black Panther or there was an Instagram photo or something and it was people commenting on his weight loss, and and the fact that people would would comment on something they have no idea about. It's just heartbringing, especially with what we know now. And I'm not comparing our situations in any way. I'm only comparing it to the world of being virtually online and not knowing all the information. We've got to take a look at ourselves. We've got to be able to say, when I say this to somebody's face, could I live with myself saying this to somebody's face? And what would I do if somebody actually said this to my face? Um? And so because of that, I'm going to bring on a specialist today to talk about how we can protect our children's from cyber bullying and give us a lot of useful information. I'm also going to have Rebecca Black on, which I'm beyond excited about. She knows this world of cyber bullying beyond and I'm excited to dig into it. And thanks you guys for listening. Are you guys now? I'm so excited to get on. Josh Oaks, who has smart Social dot Com. He has a background at Disney and a love for all things technology. Josh combines both to help teens and tweens use social media as a portfolio of positive accomplishments. How cool is that Josh travels the nation speaking to over thirty thousand students each year sharing tips to create positive online activity. To me, that is a game changer because so often we are seeing negative activity when it comes to our teens and tweens. So, Josh, just to kind of catch you up to date, you know, I'm on a you know reality show that the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, and it's one of the things that comes with the packages. What people say, and what I always say is like, listen, I think you should definitely have your favorites, the ones that you don't like as much, whatever it is. But I never want anybody you to wish harm on somebody else. And and something that was recently starting is I started to get messages not only saying to me, um, you know, I hope you die Teddy, more along the lines of like because of you, karma happened, and that's why your daughter daughter needed neurosurgery, or you know, I hope something happens to your kids as payback for what happened on the show. And it really started leading me thinking about ways to protect our kids. You know, yes, I can protect them through my social media. Most of the time, the people messaging need these things don't have any followers. It's like a dog as the Instagram photo, and if I block them, then somebody with a similar name will start saying the same types of things. So, you know, I think it's people with a lot of time on their hands that are just kind of unhappy. But I want as my kids get older, you know, like my kids already are like can we can we be on TikTok. Can we do that? I'm like, no, you know, but what is the healthy boundary is that you can set as a family without creating fear, but also creating you know, a successful relationship with social media. Yeah, that's a great question. And so first of all, sorry that people are harsh to you online. We have a couple of rules that I'd love to tell my quick backstory for one second, how I was bullied if I may, and and how that might help you, um teddy. Many years ago, I ran for city council in Hermosa Beach, California, which is where they filmed the original Baywatch many years ago. And it was gorgeous and I was the youngest person on the ballot. I was running against people who are all twice my age about and um in in the race. In the campaign, I set out to knock on more doors than anyone else. I was positive. But there were two people that blogged negatively about every candidate. And I reached out to him and said, hey, you're you're being negative online about every candidate. Can we meet? You don't have to vote for me, but I think you might like me and respect me. Can we sit down the cough. They wrote back to Teddy and said, no, we don't want to meet you, but we're going to continue to blog negatively about you and we don't want to meet you. And and there's a couple of things that happened, Teddy. And this is why I'm one of the forefront people in this space right now, is because number one, it hurts an adult. And if it hurts an adult, that bad that people won't want to meet you, but they'll say terrible things to you as they've done to you or about your family or anything else. It hurts. Guess how much that hurts a child. It's really bad. The second thing is it starts to change our Google results. As these people were blogging, they would people I would meet. Um. I think I knocked on two thousand and fifteen doors over the course of a couple of months, just like do the door knocking, and I ended up. Um. It wasn't a partisan race, it was just it is either right fit for that it was. It was a nonpartisan race. So people just genuinely either liked me or didn't and they always were very kind. But one of the things that also did is it changed my Google results because after you would meet me and see my little thing, and I had a whole crew of people helping me. They would go to Google to search and learn more about me, and these I didn't want these other people coming up in my Google results. So those two important things in my background. The bullying hurts even adults, as you know, and it changes our online footprint for future opportunities and everything else, which is so important. Now, may I give you a couple of ideas. Yes. So one of the things that we find most important and that I did when I was being bullied, was I had friends read the comments. I stopped reading the comments for a while because I was way too sensitive, I learned, and it wasn't good for me to keep doing what I needed to do. So I had a bunch of friends read the comments and then they were to report back to me. They were almost my proxy. They'd go, all right, so this person is just really angry, and this and this and this and these people are great. You should follow up with them. And they made it super easy for me. They were my filter and hearing it from them the negative stuff didn't hurt me because they were my bff. They were one of my friends. And that's something that I know Joe Rogan does. He goes, I don't even read the comments. I have my buddy Jamie go in there and read them. Right, whether you like Joe or not. I listen to a few of things. It's pretty interesting. But that's a person that has a message, that interviewed some of the world's most interesting people and decides not to read the comments of the stuff. Um, and he's able to keep a clear head. So that's one idea is to have somebody else read them, report back only if they're important, or feedback, you know, and then a couple other things to um, I don't know. What do you think about that? Do you have somebody in your life that could do that well? For me? I think yes, of course. And on show day I don't read the comments because I just know, like you know, I couldn't even keep up with that. You know, there is somebody that can monitor and look for me, you know, if I if I wanted, but I wonder for a child, for a kid, what are you going to say to your parents or your friends, like, Hey, I'm really getting bullied online? Can you read my comments for me? That's where it really strikes home for me. To even have to open up and say it's happening concerns me for kids. So we have a couple of rules here at our organization, at smart Social dot com. The number one safety app in the world, the only safety app that's really going to protect your kids, is going to be that healthy dialogue that you have with your children. And another important note is so that means starting that dialogue early and often about what's happening online, what they see, that they can come to you with no judgment whatsoever and tell you anything. You won't get mad, You'll listen, You'll learn. You want to be on all the same apps as them, because they shouldn't be able to go connect with seven billion other people on Snapchat or TikTok or anything else without you being there. But one of the most important things is that dialogue that happens first being on every one of the apps or kids are on, and then next having that open conversation. It is not a one and done, as we tell parents parents. Instead it's a rather than um one ninety minute session talking to your kids about that. It's one minute little discussions. Over the course of a year or two years, continually doing that and that's that's gonna be the hardest part. And the reason for that is young kids don't have a vocabulary about how to deal with this stuff. And if we give our kids a phone, and if a lot of parents, here's what they tell me, Teddy, they say, oh, when I'm ready for my kid to get a phone, then I'll have that talk the day that I give it to them. And unfortunately, that's like saying, hey, when I'm ready for you to learn how to drive, I'll hand you the keys and I'll give you the crash course in thirty seconds or sixty minutes. How to drive No, no, no. Learning how to not have road rage happens a decade before you that right, seeing if right, if you if you have an angry uncle that's always screaming at people, you will you are more inclined to become like that person. So what we tell people is way before you think you need to have that talk, have that talk. But where they get a device, uh talk about if they see something inappropriate online, they can always come to you or a trusted adult. Well I have a question. Um, you know, sometimes you'll hear stuff and it's a hoax or it's whatever, like I forget what it was, maybe like a year ago. They were saying that if you were watching YouTube kids, all of a sudden this like ghostly woman characters coming up and get telling your kids subliminal messages. Did you hear about this? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, so but then you wonder, like is that stuff true? Then all the kids start talking about it, and like, none of my kids have any of their own social media or tablets or anything that they personally own, but like, for example, there is like a forty five minute window a day where they want to play roadblocks with their friends where they get on zoom calls and they roadblocks together. And now what they've started asking, which I know nothing about, is Fortnite. And so I was on a call with other parents for a school thing and I asked, I said, to your kids to play roadblocks, and half of them were like, absolutely not. We heard terrible things about roadblocks. I asked my kids, I'm like, your chats off right there like yes, And I'm like, so how is roadblocks? Like are you talking to strangers? Are you doing? And they're like no, But I, as a parent, I don't really know what roadblocks is. I know they love it, so how do you protect your kids and that capacity as well. Yeah, it's such a good question. I'm actually pulling up. We have we have some really interesting stuff. So those of you who are listening right now, what is fortnite? Let's step back for just a hot sec. Any app your kids are on, you've got to be there before they're atting Teddy. Let's look at an app or a website like a park. If I were to ask you, hey, would you like to take your kids to Central Park in New York? You'd be like, that's beautiful, what's the weather like? Okay, awesome, It's a great place. But if I had then asked you, hey, would you feel comfortable leaving your younger kids alone in Central Park in New York alone as it's getting dark? You'd probably rethink that a little a bit. Nothing against Central Park, it's just it's a place where lots of other people can interact with your kids, and if you haven't gone to that park with your kids the first few times, they won't know what to do or who not to talk to, and all kinds of things. Fortnite is the same thing. In fact, everything is the same. You've got to be there with your kids when they're younger, and know how that park looks at daytime, nighttime, who's on there, how it works, and what might be dangerous for your kids. So Fortnite, for all of you listening right now, it's a multiplayer shooting game available on console, PC, Android, It really everywhere that you could get an app. It's there even on the web sort of. As many as a hundred players can join in a single round, and players fight each other with guns until only one player is left and the other are critically injured or dead. Now, there's been some studies that come out. There's a couple of things that are really dangerous. Number one, there's a lot of chatting in their teddy um. If you ever think, or if any of the listeners right now ever say, oh, my son is he's right there in the corner. He's fine, he's safe. He's just got this headset on. He's just chatting with his friends. He's not in the corner of the room. He's a million miles away, chatting with people who are using four letter words, chatting with people who do not love him as much as you do, and talking with people who might want to move him from Fortnite over to Snapchat or over to Instagram, or over to something else where they can chat offline and the parents won't know. And so that's one of the biggest things is if your kids are wearing a headset, dive in, pop in every once in a while, go into your kids world and come back out and no, let them know that the wisdom that mom has extends into Fortnite, extends into Minecraft, and that if they see anything that they should come and talk to you, and also that they should behave on a way that is also just like what mom does in real life. Okay, and what about Roadblocks? Do you know my about that? Yeah? Roadblocks? So Roadblocks and Minecraft very similar in that you can build stuff, you can chat with people, you can play your own games. It's a whole virtual world where you can get sucked in and spend a lot of time. Number One, predators are everywhere your kids are at. So if there are not predators that were a hoodie, there in some weird little tiny chat room that your kids don't hang out, and predators go to where your children might be. So they're definitely on Roadblocks and Minecraft. Even though those companies contact me all the time saying no, they're not. We have they are, right, I mean, because that's where they want to go. Second, there's a lot of chat features that are just a hundred percent available usually unless you want to turn it off or make sure it's a closed room with just your friends, your kids friends from the classroom. So that's why it's so important to know who your kids are talking to, know what room they're in. Pop in while you're cooking dinner or whatever, pop back out, give them a little bit of freedom, then pop back in again so that there you're aware of everything that's going on in that room. I've noticed a lot, you know, granted we're pretty much on on lockdown here still in l A. But like when I when we are doing things like you know, I was talking earlier, how I was sitting you know, socially distanced of course, but at a pool and I saw, you know a couple of things happening. You know, either kids that were still very very young posing provocatively you know for their Instagram, or kids that instead of playing with their friends or their siblings or whomever they were with, I don't know, they are spending the entire time doing TikTok videos like what is the overall what does that look like? Like? When I was younger, we didn't have We didn't have any of that. It was like our parents were like, go outside and play, ride your bike. Figure it out. If we wanted pictures, we had a couple of like maybe those little polaroid cameras, you know that, Like I have a couple of pictures that we like laugh at. Or we'd go to like the place at the mall where you take pictures with your friends. But that was it. There wasn't this type of you know, early I don't even know how to explain it, but like where you're you don't want to take away somebody's like expression, but also like you're you're too young for this. Yeah, okay, So tip number one, if if I may um, the best way to get if you want to rule your kids eyes, the best way to get them to roll their eyes is tell them what your childhood was like. Right, you and I are like, yeah, but at weddings in the in the TV show Friends, I was watching Friends last night, they said, where's all the disposable cameras? Right? Remember at weddings they used to do that, you take pictures. We don't do that anymore. We don't need those right, But the best way to rule a kid's eyes. We've learned this from principles at schools as we travel across the country or used to is a principle it up there and go in my day, and then the kids will go okay, disconnect, but rather instead um, one of the most important things is to kind of just learn from the students. Now, I'd say the tip number one is really know the screen time that your kids are using. There's a screen time feature built and I teach this in my webinars. There's a screen time feature to all your listeners that's built into the iPhone. And if you guys have an iPhone, all you do is you click on the settings button in your iPhone and as soon as you click on that, you can then scroll down to the screen time feature. If you don't have that on, parents, make sure you turn that on so that you can monitor your own thing. It's important to monitor how much we're using this so that we can adjust that and make sure it doesn't take from our day. For you Android users, you click on your settings and you go down to digital well Being and that's just like screen time. You can turn it on. Parents, if you haven't tethered your kids phone to your phone, that's something to do. Don't let your kids to run free. If you have an Android, parents, make sure your kids have an Android. You can do what's called family Link. If you have an iPhone, get your kids an iPhone and you can use the parental controls and tether them. We have a whole course on that at smart Social dot com in our program or v i P Very Informed Parent program. But by tethering them together, you're gonna be able to see how much screen time your kids have When they should go to bed, the phone starts shutting down, and that keep helps them to sleep better because there's no blue light going into their mind and all that stuff. But really important to just first monitor how much their online and then you can, using those screen time features, turn off a few apps. Okay, you get thirty minutes a day of TikTok or fifteen minutes, and it's between these hours and it can't be this close to bed. There's there's a you can kind of create a little plan for your family. And then this is the bad guy right the the when everybody all the listeners right now, the phone and the timers the bad guy. You set those rules. Before you do that, you do need to have an important conversation with your kids so that it's not just jail time. Instead it's an agreement. And for that anybody can go to the web for free and google social media agreement. You have to come up with what is this relationship going to look like between our phones and mom and the kids, right, And that way mom doesn't feel like the bad guy all the time. And so a social media agreement is crucial. And then tethering the phones so that you can figure out what healthy amount of time online is. And I know that doesn't exactly answer your TikTok, but that's giving us some healthy boundaries so it's not taking over your entire life. Because every here's the problem. If you went into the kitchen and you told your younger kids teddy and you said, hey, kids, don't touch that hot stove. What do you think they want to do? They're gonna touch it. But if you instead said all right, if you said don't get on TikTok, they're gonna want TikTok. But if you said, hey, let's talk about your future career, your college, your plans. So what what do you want to do? Okay, how are we gonna get you to shine online? Our company's motto, so that you can then someday get there. Great. Now, how do we use that device with a purpose instead of a pastime? So now, as an example, in the kitchen, hey are you hungry tonight? And your kid goes, yeah, great, We're gonna make some amazing spaghetti and a salad and everything. I'm gonna show you how to use the stove. That sharp knife over there, I'm gonna show you how to use it to cut the tomatoes and all this stuff. I'm gonna show you all this stuff. We're gonna work together because our goal is this, and we're gonna use the stuff that you might think is dangerous. I'm gonna show you the purpose behind them. And then at a young age, they're learning, oh this is cool, but you have to have that shining star. What do you want to do? And schools are talking about this less teddy, I gotta be honest. Social media is the hotbed because kids don't have a purpose in our opinion, and I have a two hundred and thirty episodes on our podcast, The Smart Social Podcast psychologists, counselor's therapist, teachers all agree with us. As soon as you start talking about what do you want to do with your career call edge internship, then kids have a purpose instead of just giving him a Ferrari that's a an eight hundred dollar ferrari in their pocket. That's an iPhone that becomes a pastime that gets him in trouble. Yeah, I mean, I I noticed. Even So I have a stepdaughter, she's amazing, and she has She got a phone early because she goes back and forth between our house and her mom's house, so of course, so she can have open communication. Um, she ended up getting a new one and she had her leftover one, and so my daughter Slate became obsessed with wanting to get her phone. Can I have a phone? Bell has a phone? Phone? The phone? No, you can't have the phone. You can't have a phone. So regardless, for about two weeks, she asked every single day about the phone. I kept telling her, no, she still doesn't have the phone. Every couple of days she'll stick her foot in again and ask for the phone. I don't even know the appropriate age that you give a trial the phone, because I didn't have a phone. I know that we're gonna roll our eyes about like what I did as a kid, But like, what do you think the appropriate age to give in and say, okay, you can't have a phone, because in my mind, you don't need a phone. Slate one, we're not going anywhere too. I give you your tablet time when you're allowed to have it at the three? Like who are you calling? These are all really good questions. So I've got a couple of ideas. So I'm just kind of pulling up when should my kid get a phone? That's a really good question. Uh. First of all, parents, you decide when you're the experts. But our professional recommendation is that zero to ten, there's no phone, right, they're borrowing yours, they're doing other stuff. I know if parents are separated or divorced, that does something weird. I have a solution for you if you need it. But then at age ten you're gonna think this is young eight to ten. It's a cell phone safety contract with your kids, because you have to say before you get it, this is what's going to happen. And also parents, and as you know, teddy um, when your kids go over to their friends houses, their parents always have an extra zombie phone. It's an extra old phone that fires up on WiFi. We call it a zombie phone because the heart of a phone usually is connecting to a T and T Verizon or T Mobile, but it'll fire up on on WiFi and let your kid borrow it while they're over there to set up a Snapchat and TikTok account. And that's why you have to have an agreement with your kids, a dialogue. Your kids are doing nothing wrong if they set up a new account if you haven't warned them about that yet, so it really goes back over to the parents. But zero to ten, no phone, if you can avoid it. Let the kid be a kid a little bit longer ted if you can not understand about the divorce thing. But ages ten to thirteen is time for um, some kind of a phone alternative of first phone. And kids are gonna hate a flip phone. They're gonna roll their eyes and hate you. And that's okay, you are a normal human being. But it could be something like a GAB wireless phone is spelled g A B B wireless um, And that is a dummy phone. In fact, I have one right here. This is a gab wireless phone everybody listening right now. Looks just like an iPhone and it runs on the Android operating system, but they kind of watered it down. It's what's called a first phone. There's a new one called pin Wheel that's out here soon as well. And this phone only has contacts. It has text messaging that doesn't send pictures as of the time of this video. It has a camera, and it has an FM radio, and it lets you call your parents, text your parents, but and it but it doesn't let you text images. So it's a good first phone because your kid won't be bold. Yeah, and and Teddy, here's why this is huge. Um, So ten to thirteen, maybe fourteen years old? Is this first phone right and we'll call it a water down smartphone. It gives them all the features that they want, but it doesn't allow them to get download any apps, so there's no social media on this phone. The average use time, I'm gonna pull this out of nowhere. I'm guessing the average use time is about fifteen minutes a day for a kid because they want to text and then they go put it down. Like me, I've communicated, I'll put it down. Um And then age fourteen before fourteen, Please everybody please consider being very careful before buying your kids a smartphone like an iPhone or an Android. You are connecting your kids with seven billion other people. So what we would recommend is, if you are going to give your kid a smartphone at fourteen, go six months to a year without social media apps installed. I know your kids are gonna hate me, blame it on me, It's okay. And then at age fifteen, that's gonna give you the chance to do something where it's a smartphone and allowing them now because they're tethered to your phone, because now you can control it now, allowing to download with your permission, and you log in to Snapchat, Instagram or TikTok or something that you approve that you also have an account on your their follower and you have their pass code and their password, so you can get into their phone and into their account if something happens. Now I've got to go into the world of YouTube. So here's the next thing. My kids also have started to ask can we watch these YouTube So it's only on YouTube, kids, but like, can we watch these YouTube videos? And it's like, I don't know. It almost looks like a fifty I'm watching with them just kind of see and but it'll be like either kids play like when they were into l O L dolls, like an adult almost playing with l L dolls, or this happening. And I always would just be like, let's watch this or let's do that. But what how do you really know what's okay in regards to the YouTube. So here's what I would do. First. YouTube is a mixed bag because anyone can create content, and that content is usually designed to get your kids addicted. Remember the unboxing things or they just unboxing everything. Remember those eggs five years ago. They go, oh, here's a kinder egg or whatever it is and pop it open. Kids love that YouTube. If YouTube wins and the influencers win, here's what they get. They get your your kid's eyeballs for a long time, so they can run multiple ads during the video. And that's what they want from a business standpoint, they want your kid to be hooked. So I've got a couple of tips on how to remove that. Number One, know what influences your kids are following. Some of them might throw inappropriate language in there, and you don't want them Subliminally teaching something to your kid that you don't approve. So yes, you can watch a Blippy video right. A lot of kids are younger kids and nephews. Blippy. He's he has suspenders, it's pretty funny. Here's how a dump truck works, and it's hilarious. But follow that influencer. As long as it's a Blippy video, you can watch it right, because other videos will pop up from other people and it looks like it's maybe another Marvel character, but that person is talking to your kids in a way that's inappropriate. Number two, if your student is on their actual phone in the actual YouTube app. We have a few techniques. I give these away for free in our In our next webinar, which is September one, I believe it is, we teach the hidden secrets of YouTube, TikTok, Snapchat, Instagram, iPhone, Netflix, and an Android. That's six I think there's seven. In YouTube, you can actually turn off the auto play feature. You can also do this in Netflix. The auto play feature is kind of cool. And I tell students this, Hey, you are in charge of the next video you watch, and I want to make sure that the AutoPlay features off, so that way you're not sitting there and and YouTube is is deciding your next video. When AutoPlay features off, it just plays the video and then your kids can have the choice, because right now it's a mind game, Teddy, it's a mind game. These smart producers in TV. You know how they hook us with their preview on coming up or next on the Bachelor. I mean you're you're basically going, oh, I have to I have to skip through these commercials and stay with it because there's this drama. Well, YouTube producers and people are smart, and every app is just like a TV producer. They're going coming up next, and they get you hooked with a free preview or a video or something funny. So what we do is we try and turn off that addictive nature of auto play. You can do it also on Netflix if you go to Netflix dot com. And Netflix is huge, we all know that it's in almost every single household. You can parents, don't share your password of Netflix password with your kids because when you go to Netflix dot Com, not on the app. You have to do this. On Netflix dot Com you can go in and adjust Little Billies or Sally's age requirement of they can only watch things up to why seven or why thirty or whatever that their ages. You can also un checked two major boxes, and I teach all this in our free webinar. Thousands of parents have taken this five star reviews and it teaches you how to un check these two boxes. One is auto play, and it just changes the game. On Netflix, you go whoa, because then your kids aren't hooked into scrolling past Ozark and it's going look coming up next. It's just all this stuff is less enticing. They get to decide what they're gonna pick rather than emotionally getting involved in the preview. That's a hard thing to teach your kids is the preview looks good and you're not allow that's not for you. Well, I also want to give any parents that heads up. Even if your kids can't write or spell, they can still find stuff on YouTube because the other like this was a couple of months ago, but my son is obsessed with wrestling, loves wrestling, anything to do with wrestling. He was having his tablet time, thankfully he was. We were together in the same room and I hear him talk into the phone the best of John Cena. So at first I'm like, okay, that seems fine, he's trying to see that he's you know, he wants to see a wrestling match. But then I start seeing his face and it's like this confused look on his space and like what And I'm like, what's happening Cruis? And I went over and it was a kissing scene between him and whomever his girlfriend was on the reality show he was on. So like, even though you think things are going okay, are my kids can't type with my kids? Can't you know whatever it may be, they're able to have acts and that's on YouTube kids. Yeah, um yeah. So really the moral of the story is be where your kids are at every app they want to download, know that it's a new park. Go there first. Would I would? I would go there first without your kids and download the app and get to know it, because that way the pressure isn't on Teddy. You're not saying, well, let's look get it together up. I don't like this Snapchat. It's inappropriate. By the way, parents, if you give your eleven year old Snapchat, there is a part in it that you cannot turn off that is designed only for college students. It's called the Explore feature. And you're like, oh, all just turn off parts of the app. No, no, no, that's not how it works. That's that's unfortunately. You get all the app or none of the app. You can limit the time that kids use it by using that tim or feature that we talked about. But there are parts of every app that you must know about. We have something in our webinar dent Free. We teach you how to turn off the map feature in Snapchat. It's called snap map. It is a part of Snapchat that predators used to check kids. It's the most creepy thing you've ever seen. We teach you in four or five clicks how to turn it off. Moms are emailing us, going, I had no idea people could see where my daughter lived. They can not only follow her and be uh there, friends are not following. Followers are not friends, but it looks like on there all these are all my friends. They're not sorry to interrupt you if you even have a like. For example, I have Snapchat on my phone. I don't use Snapchat, can use it even if you're not showing Snapchat. But it's just on your phone. People still it can usually track you quite often. Yeah, so I'll teach you offline how to turn that off. Parents know about snap map, you can go google that or you can go to smart social dot com. Take our free webinar. It's amazing. We we help people all over the world in multiple continents. How there's a there's a few hidden features. And as we it's not social media is bad, it's how to navigate it. We get in kind of a car together and we drive down the road and we go look at that, and look at that, and we just we make it more comfortable by going into the jungle together in a safe vehicle, looking at each one of these apps. And and to finish off on like a positive note. So our kids are starting school next week via zoom. That's you know, no in person. What is a good way to kind of get our kids excited about you know, the positives of being able to interact on Zoom or whatever the program is that you're gonna they're gonna be doing their schoolwork on with their peers. First, have a little bit of a um have your behavioral discussion in with them. Hey, when mommy's on the phone in the back or someone or you're not talking, feel free to mute yourself. Tell your kids mute yourself. It's just gonna keep them a little bit safer. UM, let the teacher know if somebody is inappropriate to you, have a talk about bullying and zoom it happens. Um, when to mute yourself, How to support the teacher and help the teacher? How to smile? You have no idea on our podcast as we do this, how many kids are just sitting there and and they're just like leaning back with no posture. Right now is the time to practice in person posture, positive smile, trying your best, take a break, Let's go outside and go on a walk during your things. And I know it's it's crazy right now, it's not fun, but we're gonna get through this together. But now is the time to treat it like it's in class, almost like a little job. Interview your kids are how do we use this with a purpose instead of just like I have to instead of I get to be on Zoom? What could we do and maybe listen to your kids? Give them what are the three things you want to accomplish today that you want to learn me? Do you want to become a Zoom expert? Do you want to answer five questions? Right? Let your kids decide you might get some creativity out of them, and you know what, it's good to let them speak up. This is a tough time for everybody. Kids don't want to stay home all the time. They kind of want to go to school. So getting them to set some goals and hearing from them usually is a good thing. I love that, And I know for sure something that they said on our class call that really resonated with me was, guys, make sure your kids show up to class, even though it's virtual, fully dressed, not in their pajamas, had eaten well, like the same way you would actually send them to school, because if they just roll out of bed and they're just eating a bar while they start their first thing, it doesn't set the tone for the day. And I think that really makes a lot of sense because I know when I wake up and I immediately get on a conference call and I'm just like going through the motion, it's never as good as when I get up by, you know, on a walk, have my breakfast, take some time, take a shower, or you know, whatever it may be. Whatever your morning machine is gonna be with your kids, I think is such a game changer. So like set that from the beginning It doesn't have to be perfect, and just like you know, drop offs at school don't have to be perfect. But if we set the tone for the day and we set the expectations, our kids aren't going to be shocked at the end. Yeah. I am so grateful to speaking with you today. Thank you so much for so much good information. How do people find you? And I mean I'm going to have to listen to some of these webinars now, Yeah, so they go to smart social dot com. We have an awesome parent webinar that is really going to teach you, as I said, Teddy, the hidden secret inside of TikTok that they don't want you to know, the hidden secret of Snapchat, Instagram, Netflix. We show you step by step how to set this up, and we give you some iPhone features that are are game changing and some Android stuff smart social dot com. We also have an educator webinar. Schools are trying to get us together and they're doing great. We support our teachers. We have seven safety tips on really how to promote safety at home and at school on campus during this virtual learning thing. So it's all available at smart social dot com. Thank you so much. It's so nice talking to today. I really appreciate it. I am super pumped to talk to Rebecca Black today about cyber bullying, all types of bullying. She has gone through so much in her years of becoming like a YouTube sensation, huge musical star. Like I'm sure you guys all know the song Friday. I listened to it five days ago and it's still stuck in my head. And I remember feeling the same way back when I listened to it the first time. She is such a great artist and gone through so much, so I think I really would love her tools for a younger audience on how how to deal with this constant bullying that's happening online or even in school. So I'm so excited to have you on one. It is the second that I found out that you're coming on. I really listened to some of your music and now it is stuck in all of our my kids and my head NonStop. I'm like, what is it about your songs that immediately get stuck in your head? One, you have a beautiful voice, because I also stalked your Instagram and you're just sitting there singing like with your guitar, and I was like, this is incredible. But like two, it is such a talent to have a song or to have to play something, and it really resonates with you. And like I am thirty nine years old, and like my kids are seven and five and all of us like we have to be like stop you, you have a problem now. But I would love to like hear the history on like how everything went down, and just talk to you a little bit about bullying, cyber bullying in general and like all this craziness. Yeah, got what a crazy I guess almost ten years it's been. Um so I got started. I got I had a very on a unexpected, kind of unprecedented at the time, start into I guess the industry at the time. I guess I kind of started into an industry that also barely existed, which was, you know, now kind of this massive online influencer world where there's YouTubers and people getting their start off of I mean you see on TikTok, like seventy thousand people going viral on TikTok every day. Back then, it just really happened, you know. Back then it was like two boys at their grandparents house, like Charlie that my finger, like one of the first viral videos or I don't know. It was just so random and and kind of so much less of what it is now. And I was thirteen, and I grew up a kid who loved to perform my group, a kid who did everything from the musical theater or to like patriotic singing groups and just kind of whatever I could do to get that part of me out into the world just because it was what I loved. And Friday was this song that was just kind of meant to be like another experiment of that that would exist in like my little bubble in Anaheim, and that my grandparents would see maybe if it reached that far. And uh, it ended up blowing up hugely, massively, way more so than it ever should have or that I thought it could have. So yeah, it ended me up in to a place where I was thirteen and had hundreds of millions of people not only kind of coming into my bubble but giving me really stark opinions of what they thought about me and kind of what I should do for the rest of my life. And some of them were positive, a lot of them were negative. Uh, And it really changed I mean, it changed my life obviously. Uh. And it really shaped me, for better and for worse, into the person that I am today. So so yeah, I mean you even ended up having to be homeschooled, right because it was just relentless. It was. It was crazy. I mean, it wasn't necessarily solely because of of everything going on. There was there was a lot. There was a lot happening. I had parents that had no idea what they were doing. I don't come from a family who was, you know, experienced in in this world at all, their veterinarians. So I was just trying to figure out what to do. And so I did. I did go into homeschooling for a while, and uh, I went back into high school later on. And what would you say, what advice would you give to parents who maybe have kids who are wanting to be in YouTube or wanting to start a music career or whatever it may be. I mean, I'm worried for my kids to even like look at my TikTok, because then they start wanting to do it and I'm like, oh my gosh, this is craziness, and people comment these terrible things. What advice would you give to parents who are in this situation where their kids are wanting to, you know, be artistic and put themselves out there, but you don't really know how to handle I'm not the world's most like you know, well versed when it comes through TikTok or YouTube or any of those types of things. I know how to do Instagram, but like that's it. Yeah, yeah, And that's the thing. I mean, the Internet is changing so fast every single day that nobody knows what is going on, nobody knows what to do with any of this. I still feel like when TikTok first came out, I felt like I was a grandma trying to figure out something. This is what I do. I think one thing that I heard my parents, specifically my mom say all the time growing up, as she was trying to handle it the best she could, It's like there's just no handbook, there's no lessons, there's nowhere to go to ask questions. It just kind of felt like, you know, making it up as as she went, that's all she could really do and and try to protect me as best says as she could. And I think that I can't imagine how scary it must be as a parent. I don't have that experience, you know, when your kid is starting to go through it. And of course where we live in a time now where everybody all so many kids want this like really cool idea of being really kind of big in their circle or having this online moment, which it can turn out to be a positive thing. But I think as a parent, the best advice I could give is try to understand this world like you are a kid as best as you can, because when you know it, it will make so much more sense to you. Um, because a kid is on here, like on TikTok. I'm on TikTok like way more than I should, or or YouTube or like Instagram. It all exists and it consumes us. But I just I just think that being as kind of with it as possible will help you understand it and then help your kid, you know, get through it emotionally. That is the biggest also thing as well. It's like I understand that once somebody kind of gets their start or get something really I don't know, something that gets a lot of attention, it can be really exciting, um and there's a lot of opportunity, But your kid is not an opportunity for you. You know, a kid is just trying to go through their own thing. And is there something now that's still like when they say something to you that it's still just like hits home and hurts you. Or have you been one of those people that can block out the noise or how do you handle it now? Uh, it's an up and down. I've definitely come a long way. I think where I went wrong for a while was trying to convince myself that nothing bothered me. I did that for a long time, and what happens is you just like build up this huge pile of resentment underneath the massive rug that one day you're gonna have to pick up that rug and deal with it. Um. I just try to be patient with myself and and kind of I think when I let myself realize, like, wow, anybody who would be getting this many opinions about themselves, you know, or this many kind of thoughts into their world, this would be hard for any single person. And if it wasn't, that would be concerning. I mean, it's incredible. I know how I feel, as you know, an adult, when it happens to me, or when it happens you know somebody says something like you know, carm is gonna get you through your kids or whatever it is, whatever the like recent attack is going to be. I know how I feel. I can't even imagine being thirteen years old trying to process that. Yeah, so what what what advice would you give to kids who are getting this getting this heat, or getting this hate or getting this like whatever type of information to kind of deal with it? What got you through? It's it's so hard and and that is the thing that I guess I would have told myself, um, back back when I was going through it, because I mean, when you're thirteen, is it's one of the worst ages. You know, it's not it can be the best, but it just it's really hard. You're so tender, and you're getting to that point where you feel like you know everything and you should know everything, and everyone around you seems to have it figured out and you're all, I mean, middle school is just weird. Um. I guess I wish I would have been able to just be a little bit more forgiving with myself. I think I was really really hard on myself for um, feeling like I was just constantly messing up and feeling like I wasn't doing anything right or the way that I should be doing it. And that's the point of being thirteen, Like, that's the point of being a teenager or a young person or anyone at all. And at any point in your life is you're gonna mess up. You're gonna do things that you're not going to do or that you wouldn't do in your future world. But that is how you get to you and it's okay. Just be kind and forgiving and also whatever you do, it's a thirteen year old in high school at any point in your life is just not going to define you as long as you don't like it's not a long term I mean anything from year to year, just constantly a shifting um. And did you ever get to the point where you just wouldn't look at comments? Yeah? Yeah, Or I would look at comments and feel nothing. And that was probably the worst time, because when somebody would say something kind or something positive or something that is nice to take in because there's a balance with it all, I couldn't do it, and so I saw only people that thought the worst of me, and I was unable to kind of let anything go to come in, which is important as well, especially as a young person. I agree, and I could see myself doing the same thing now, Like I'll get a bunch of nice comments and then something, well, somebody will say something to me that I'm like what, and I'll comment to the negative and I'm like, what are you doing? Like just block that person and keep it moving, like I've now taken so much like pride and being like block You're done, you know, like this is an unnecessary comment. I mean, like why would you say this to a stranger? And throughout like your time and being in the spotlight and like as you're getting older and not older, but as you're no longer thirteen and you've met you know, I know you performed with Katy Perry once, Like did you ever have any other people in the music industry give you any like really sound advice on? Yeah, yeah I did. Um. I will never forget the conversation I had with actually Katy Perry like early on, and I'll always just be so appreciative of not only her, but just people like her who uh can see a kid for what they are, which is just a child who needs a little bit of love and uh and she she really emphasize the importance of a family and the people who are your home and it can be really difficult in I don't even think in just the entertainment industry, but in so many aspects of our world nowadays to let something come in between that, UM, and especially as as as a kid and as someone young who's trying to figure it out, if you can hold close to that relationship with your family and UM, I guess kind of not forget about that aspect of yourself outside of whatever else is happening. UM, that can be really important and really helpful. So yeah, when it first started happening to you, did you immediately like have that conversation with your parents or did you feel like nervous to have the conversation. I'm trying to get to a place of being thirteen and saying like, wow, would I have had that? I know, like if I got in a fight with somebody like in school, or an argument or somebody said something to me, I don't know that I necessarily would have told my parents. So I'm curious how it works in the world of social media when it happens. Oh god, I know, I mean looking at today and what kids are kind of now dealing with, where not only do you see someone go viral, you see a kid go viral and then immediately they have a record label and they have this going on and this going on, and it's like, how did this just turn into a booming industry within a week? UM, That I can't even imagine. But I think, uh, in my case, I'm lucky to have had parents who, uh, not only who I had a really close relationship with, specifically with my mom, who again wanted to protect me, like as her kid before anything else. UM. And that was really helpful and and I think um just helped me experience my age years a bit as as I should and and and hopefully would have still UM. But I think the most important conversations were acknowledging the mistakes that there were because we were all trying our best, and parents I know everywhere are always, you know, hopefully trying their best to do the right thing, and sometimes it it doesn't turn out the way that you wanted to. I think my parents probably felt a lot of guilt as well for kind of feeling maybe a little bit responsible for letting me kind of out to the wolves. But at the end of the day, when I decided that this was something I wanted to do long term and was a passion of mine. Um. They also knew how to kind of let me go and do it, um without overprotecting me, If that makes sense. Figure it out a little bit. Oh yeah, is there anything you would have done differently now knowing what can be? Then? Oh? God, Um, a lot of things I wouldn't have worn. But no, I mean I think I just would have been and kinder to myself and more forgiving to myself. And then we've talked a lot about like the negative of social media and of bullying and all these types of things. What would you say is like the most positive? I mean you the fact that you could wake up an overnight have like to I mean, what was it like two d thousand views in one night or something like? It's incredible and shows testament to like how talented you are. What do you think all the positives of social media are? And like how can people use it in a positive way? Yeah? I think there are a lot of positives to it, and especially seeing the way that the Internet has changed from the time where I kind of first started in two now there's been so many good outcomes. Um, I think as a younger generation, obviously you see so many more people now so aware of what's going on in the world, and so aware of what's happening to each other and how we're treating each other, and kind of the things that we've accepted as as always being the way that they were now being changed for something better. I think that's really cool and what I what I try to do now more than anything, is add to that kind of I feel like online we're seeing the potential of a community that's building in in a positive way for good and for the betterment of other people. Obviously, everybody knows about cancel culture and how it can kind of go a little too far, um, But I think that it's there's something hopeful in this kind of well intended thinking, rather than the Internet just becoming this like very dark rabbit hole of just people being awful to each other. There's still a lot of work to be done, and people are still awful, and people are still kind of using the anonymity of it all to get out there whatever they have going on in their lives. Um. But I do like seeing more and more everyday young people kind of getting involved on what will hopefully become the right side of history. Um, whether it be in a larger way or in just their own communities, and do you feel like you talk about it with your following now, Like are you like are you an open book about it, or like this bothers me or this sorts my feelings or any of those things are do you kind of just like keep it, you know, keep it close to the heart and kind of have your outside showing and your inside. I try to. I try to have a balance. I see people who are open with every single thing happening in the moment, and that's what works for them. Um. But what I what I've found works for me and for my audience is I try to observe what's going on in my own world and learn from it, and then once it's happened, share what I've learned, rather than just kind of living it all out online. I guess if that makes sense. UM. For example, like coming to terms of my own sexuality was something that I knew I wanted to talk about the second I identified it, but I waited until I had really gone through so many conversations with myself and with people that I really trusted, with people in the community, with just making sure that I was being I think there's a certain responsibility when you have a platform, whether you'd like to admit it or not. Um, but I do really think that honesty, more and more honesty is is going to be important from from people like like the both of us, from people who have It doesn't matter how many followers you have, whether you have ten or ten thousand or ten million, everybody's got a platform, and the honesty is what will kind of break down this like what seems like unachievable perfect world that still exists on Instagram, the glossy version of everybody has like my life is better than yours that Instagram creates. Well, I think that's huge, and I think that's really good advice what you said, like you think it through instead of having like kick reaction, where like you're going to say something just in the moment and then go wow, I didn't actually think this is so I know that that has when I'm tweeting or anything like that the shows on, if I'm immediately responding, I'm probably not gonna love my response. But if I like watch the show prepare then tweet, you know, like I have it organized, then I feel like I'm less likely to say something that I regret and more like, I actually this is how I feel. Um, how do I know you have like your recent singles out? How do people find you get more information on you? Listen to your recent songs, give us all the deep Yeah, I mean I it's been a it's been a crazy, weird, weird year, but I have really been honestly. The one thing that has gotten me through it, other than many many hours on TikTok is uh is writing and music. I put out a few singles um earlier this year called Closer and and Sweetheart, and people can find them everywhere. You listen to music wherever you want, Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon Music, whatever. Right, all right, and then your Instagram is miss Rebecca Black. Right, It's Rebecca Black. That's it. You guys have to go. You have such a beautiful voice, you have such a great heart, And I think this is such a good message to put out there, like fight for your dreams. Like also know like you can talk to your parents and be open with what's going on. And if you are a parent listening to this podcast right now, talk to your kids about what they're doing. Get yourself involved, and if they're not involving you, it might mean that something's wrong. Yeah, that's perfectly said. Thank you so much, Betty, thank you so much for coming on. Well, guys, I hope you took in as much from this episode as I did. I know speaking to Rebecca and Josh, we're both eye opening to me a lot of good reminders for myself, but also for our kids and what the world is they're growing up in. I think social media can be such a positive, but if we don't handle it right, it can also be such a negative. I appreciate you guys tuning in and please continue to send me your topics. I want to be on the pulse of what you guys want to hear, what you want to talk about. I try my best to be an open book for you guys and talk to you about everything that's going on in my life. But I want to know what's going on in your life and the topics you want me to dig into. So please either send us a d M at um Teddy T Pot or send us an email at Teddy at Teddy t pot dot com. Thank you so much, thanks for listening. Subscribe to Teddy tea Pot on her radio or wherever you listen to podcasts.