This is Teddy Teapot. Hi, guys, I am so happy to be back here with y'all on Teddy Teapot. Give me something a little, you know. With everything that's been going on, it's just such a crazy time and I'm so happy to be here with my friend Tanya. Thank you for joining me. Who thanks for having me. I was like, I can't imagine doing a podcast, my first one back after baby, without like someone I know and trust and care about, and so of course I thought of you. Oh that makes me feel very happy. I appreciate it. I am honored to be your h co host today for your first podcast back post baby, and for anybody that doesn't know, which of course everybody knows, but in case they can't, where do people find you? And can you get tell them a little bit about you? Oh my god, you're so funny. My name is Tanya rad and you can find me at Tanya Read on the Morning Show on the Morning Show a Kiss FM on air of the Rhine Seacrest And then I do the podcast Scrubbing In with Bectillian Tan your Red, which you have been a guest on and that episode was one of my favorites by the way, that was what you guys have to go listen to Tanya's It's It's a tongue twister, but Tanya's tampon show so funny. Actually've been on the podcast multiple times, so that that was your latest, uh the latest time that you were on. But that was so funny. That was one of my favorite episodes. That was so much fun and still unbelievable and like, I'm I'm really hoping that my daughters have quite some time before I have to deal with any pools and tampons and whatnot. I mean, it's it's aroun the corner teddy and just saying, I mean, at this right now that we've got four kids, life is just complete craziness. Tell us all about out like the story, like where where did we leave you? What was happening? And where are you now? Okay, so we left off and I was like a couple of weeks before having the baby, but it ended up being about a week and a half, like after my last I had the baby February UM and essentially like Pisces baby Pisces. People say that's good. I don't know much about Pisces. Pisces are good, You're that's a good yeah, oh good, alright, So dumps of pisces um. The morning I had her, like it was, you know, business as usual. Um, I like went and did a I like did a spin at my house and then like Edwin and I went to the hospital, Like everything was great. The delivery like was my easiest delivery so far. And when people say easy deliveries, it's super annoying, so I get it, but like it really was, comparatively speaking, a super easy delivery, and um, I was super like blessed that this all happened before like coronavirus start. Everything started changing and like Edwin was able to be in the room with me, I was able to have visitors, like because all of that shifted about after how long was your how long was your what's the word I'm searching for, Like how long was I in labor? Labor? Labor, labor labor? Um? I was in labor. So I went in at like ten am and I had her at like five. So but at the same thing happens like my doctor will like come and check me and he'll be like, oh, yeah, you got some time, and then he'll leave the hospital and then I am not kidding. Within like twenty minutes of him leaving, I'm like in full blown labor, waiting on him, like they have to bring somebody in to be like, hey, um, I'm gonna be stepping in for I'm not gonna say my doctor nay, but for blah blah blah until you know you really have to go because you're dilated at ten. And then I'm not kidding. After after the after finally gets there, and I always tease him because he's like super funny and casual and he walks and he's like, EdWay, and you want to help me to do the baby this time, And I'm like, no, we are doing this now, Like what do you mean? He puts Edwin and scrubs. He's like showing him the doctor way to put it on. They're like doing the hands scrubbing. I'm like, now is not the time, gentlemen. Like I'm like like ready to go, right, wait, ten centimeters dially? Do is I mean like you can fit ten fingers in your vagina? Well? I didn't check. I don't actually really I feel like nobody knows. It's just like one of the things that they say I don't actually know. But now that I'm thinking how many ten fingers are and like measuring my fingers. It's frightening, but like I know that they can feel the head in there, and like all kinds you know, oh yeah, so um, Edwin's like pretending he's gonna like be delivering dub and I'm like panicked because I can just one is like a squeamish guy anyway, and like the last time, like no, so anyways, I start to have her. He's there like in the position like he's going to fully deliver, and then as soon as her head fully starts coming out, he's like, no, doctor, no, doctor, I can't do it. And they rotate places and so as of like having her, I'm looking at him. I'm like, I told you I was going to happen. I know, So you wasted all those minutes. And the doctors like Teddy just focus and push and I had forgotten how to push the right way. You wouldn't know that. That was like I felt like, I, you know, I've had two kids. I don't need to do a refresher, but apparently I do. The doctor let me get through the first set of pushing and then he goes Um Teddy you're not supposed to blow the air out like you forgot. And I'm like, you could have reminded me, and he's like, right now you have to push again, and then the second round to push it like she was out and so then so she she was born at five pm. And then did you guys go home the next day? No, not at all. So we we were there. I was having some I might get a little emotional about. I was having some issues. Right after I had her, everything was great. She latched on perfectly, and like, you know, I was so excited because crews had an issue latching because he was in the nick you and so I was like so grateful, and Tanya, latching is like latching onto my breath, latching onto your nipple. I I'm aware I do not have children, but I am aware of some of the leader. Okay, well I don't know. You asked me ten centimeters is tin fingers? I'm like, how much do I need to get? So but I appreciate it. So, you know, the first day, everything was going great and you know, she was latching why we were in our own room. Everything was smooth and she's happy, healthy and happy, and then um, day two she started getting um like fussier, and that's when we started realizing that like something was going um on with like my colostrum, so um right after you know, when your milk doesn't come in for a couple of days, but your colostrums, like they call it like the liquid gold for which is like for your baby. And um, I was able to get a little bit of clustrum out of my right out of one side, but nothing out of the other. And so we didn't necessary we didn't really know what was going on. So we had like a lactation specialists come and all these doctors come in and they start pumping like they used like an industrial size pump and like so much. And what ended up happening was that my um my boobs or my breast essentially got so engorged and the milk came in and everything was happening, but no milk could come out because I had gotten my boobs done after Slate and Cruise, and I had absolutely no idea that this would affect anything, because I've had other friends that have gotten their boobs done and they were totally able to breastfeed. But I got, wait, do something, does something happen? And when you get your boobs done, do they like close some sort of hole that the milk comes out of. I guess because I and you know, this is all things I learned after the fact, and after like honestly over a week of like doctor's appointments and lactation appointments and then actually going to talk to my plastic surgeon like everything, because we were still trying. I was still trying to breastfeed. I was still latching her on and eventually coming out. The milk wasn't coming out, But I guess because when I got my boobs done, I had a nipple reconstruction, like and they went in through that area. So what happened is the milk came in, but no place for it to come out because all of like the nerve endings and everything had been switched and like you like making me so sweaty. I mean, I it was painful. Was it painful? Oh, I'll send you a picture. It was unbelievable. I Mean there was a point in time where because I was like, you know, there's something about like right after you have a baby, like this craziness goes into your head where're like I have to breastfeed, like, well, at least for me, I can't speak. Anything I'm sharing here you guys is like my personal experience and having kids. So don't take this as you know, the mom shaming can be like brutal over this kind of thing. So I've already shamed myself enough. So I, um, you know, we're pumping, We're doing everything we can, We're trying to latch. She's getting upset, and you know, finally after a couple of days, like Edwin's like what Teddy, Like, enough is enough? Like the doctors told you that it's not gonna happen, And it honestly was making me like so upset. I had like friends coming to visit me in the hospital, and I was like crying to them because I was like, you know, I really wanted to breastfeed. I feel so like there was a part of me that like felt like so selfish that I ever even like got my boobs done, you know, because like I I never I never one. I never thought I was going to be able to have another baby, but to like I had no idea it was going to affect anything, and um, so that was like so that was like a little rough because you know, they're way worse problems, you know, but but it's like sometimes it's like you you take it, you like, why did I do that? Like yeah, it's like like why not necessary? You know, Like I went to all these places, and you know, it was finally my husband that was like like came and gave me a hug, and like, I mean, I'm not kidding. My boobs were bigger than watermelons, hard as rocks, Like I was starting to get infections and he was just like Teddy, please, honey, just stop, like you know, and I said, but I got those couple drops out of the one side, like that should be you know, maybe it'll switch. And he's like, honey, now they're going to have to start you on antibiotics. You're getting you're making yourself sick um. And so then I had to make the decision like you know, obviously I'm going to do the feed my baby. So like then I switched to formula, and you know, everything got a lot more smooth. But it just, you know, I feel like that's something I really didn't even take into account when I got my boobs done, Like I you know, one didn't think I was going to have another. But two, I was like I had so many friends, so like my thing is like I've just really had to work on giving myself some grace and saying like obviously you did everything you could do and you have a healthy, happy baby and you know I you know, essentially like I had to gear up to like tell my family and tell Edwin's family, and nobody was upset and nobody, you know, judged me or anything. Like everybody's like Teddy, you know, like you didn't know anything. But it's like there's already that shame that people like put on you when you don't breastfeed your child, and then for you to say it was because I got my boobs done, it's just like double that and it sucks. It's like, so that's so crappy that you even have to think that way, you know what I mean. And it's like you're already battling yourself internally and then to have to think about that, it's just yeah, and it just it totally. And it was just like that moment where it just felt like it wouldn't end. Like I was like, you're gonna figure this out. It's gonna figure it out. Tomorrow is going to be the day. Tomorrow is gonna be the day, and it just, you know, the fact that it didn't happen, it just made me really sad. But now I've kind of come to the point where like maybe there's a reason for it, you know, in the long run, like she um, we had to you know, there was trying a bunch of different formulas to see which work worked for her and made her stomach feel the best, and like, you know, she's super happy and healthy baby, and I just have to remember that that's what's most important. That I'm able to feed my baby, that she is healthy, that she is happy, and that's what I really have to focus on, because I mean it was hard in the hospital because there's also a huge breastfeeding initiative, so like open you know, the lactation consultants, they're double down and you know, on you and like I just was in the hotel in the hospital room in the middle of the night, just like with the pump, just trying trying, trying to get anything out and not even a drop and just watching not one bit come out, and you're just like I know that that Edwin stepped in was just like Teddy, like I love I've told you this so many times. I love your relationship with your husband so much because I think that you guys really balance each other out. And he like, I love you to death, but like you can be very were very similar in the sense that like we'ld be very determined or like you know what I mean, just hard on ourselves and he's just always there to be like, babe, like you did the best that you could. You know, like I don't know, I just I love your relationship so much, so I'm that made me really happy. When you said that, thank you. I was like glad that he like saw it too. It wasn't a moment like where he was out of the room, but like when they was like just relentless, relentless, and he was just like, you know, it is what it is, honey. You have a healthy, happy baby, Like that is amazing, Like we had a miracle baby the last time you had to do multiple rounds of IVF and this time you're thirty eight years old and you've got pregnant naturally, Like this is a miracle. Like we've got to focus on that. And you know, ever ever since, like I've had days where like you know, this is the first I've I've spoken about it publicly at all because people can be so brutal. Oh, people are the worst. Like I'm scared to even show her with a bottle because people will be like, why are you? What's wrong with you? And then you have to feel like you have to justify yourself to other people, and it's just, uh, so there's that I can't honestly, I cannot even imagine. I feel like the mom shaming is on like a whole another level because I get it in like my dating life and that's like so minimal compared to like the amount of things that moms can get shamed for. It's crazy. Yeah, So it's like I feel like almost better than I was able to share it with you. But I also like I'm already in a full sweat panicking of like the aftermath of after this has been heard and I'm gonna let the mom shaming hate mail come in, which is like really something that like whether it's dating shame, mom shame, whatever, the shaming is, like, I don't get it, Like, have you ever in your life Tonya felt the need to reach out to a stranger and say something making to them No, and what I don't understand too. Is it's like, like, obviously you wanted to breastfeed your daughter, you know what I mean, Like your intention was there. You were not physically able to do that because you got your boobs done, and that's your choice, do you know what I mean? Like that's something that you wanted to do for yourself, and like that's you're allowed to do that, you know what I mean to your life? And had I known, I wouldn't have you know, like totally, had they been like, hey, guess what, you might not be able to do this, you probably would have been like, Okay, hell no, I know you you're like a sense of person. You're like you wouldn't I know for a fact that they said that that was an option. You'd be like I'm good. Yeah, like I'm good, even if there was a small chap. Also, if I would have thought that I could have got pregnant without you know, I v F, I would have been like, well, you know, maybe it's something to consider. But you know, all that being said, you know, we're healthy, we're good. So I had an easy delivery, I have a healthy baby. You know. Until all of this, like social distancing and corona and everything started, and we're like in a full another world. I know, now you're your four children from the age twelve to six six weeks. I have my stepdaughter Isabella, then their slate and Crews, and then now Dove, and like the other kids are old enough now where like they think that she's like her their baby, so they want to do everything, but like she's still a newborn, so it's like there's that thin line that you want to be able to like encourage the kids to help you. But then like my son's like, let's let me take a bath with her, and I'm like, he's like, can I give her this to eat? It's my favorite yogurt. I'm like, no, wait, does your stepdaughters she with you guys full time? She's with us well, in the summer, it's two weeks on, two weeks off, and then um during the school year, she's normally with us every other weekend. But now there's no school, so now we we've been having her more. Got I got I got it? Yeah, so our kids are in like week three, I think of homeschooling, so it's like virtue and I can't do first grade math, and I'm being really honest with it, Like I don't know what this new math is that they teach, but it is brutal. What is it you do? Like don't carry numbers? It has like a special name. It's whole new level of math. I've been watching YouTube's. I'm like blocking it out for like finally I had to ask the teacher. I'm like, can we do a zoom call where like you explain it once and then sl takes it from here because I can't do this. I wouldn't be able to do it either. There's no chance. I don't. I don't even there's no way. And then you have to feel that that and then I have to be like, well, I'm a good speller, just so you know, slight, just so you know I am. I do have right, just wait till you get to history class. I can really help you out there, but math is going to be a no for me. Yeah. So, I mean it's like coming up with it. Like I'm sure you're the same way with work and the radio show and everything. You have to like kind of schedule your day. But at some point, like my schedule goes like out the door because there's four kids. I can't I literally cannot even imagine. I can't. I really can't, because I'm like dealing with um. For me, I think that the thing that's been so hard is like I feed off of other people's energy, and since I don't have that right now, it's like a really weird thing. I think everybody has kind of had this like a cloud of like anxiety and it's just like this really weird feeling, you know. And so I'm like trying to do everything I can to bring like the normalcy or like the routine back in my life. I'm actually going to start all in on Monday. I know. I'm so happy to have you back. I've missed you. I like, you know those whenever I'm like whenever you're texting, I'm always like, yeah, I've got room, even though I've been like fill it up, not for I know, you always have like a waiting list of like weeks. You're like, Okay, if anybody wants to start the program in ape or what is I guess it is April, May or June, and we have slots open. So and I texted you, I was like, can I do it next week? I was like really hoping for a friend card right there, with that one because I think it's gonna help me bring back the like the structure and the routine and like just I don't know, kind of give me a little bit, like reel me back into that headspace that I think I like really thrive in. No, I mean, and I was telling you, but I haven't. I guess I haven't told our listeners yet. But I had to actually go through the program myself, like a version, because after I had Dov and then all of a sudden, we're in our homes, I was like, go going to snack every time I felt uneasy and like unnecessary snacking or unnecessary alcohol like and I was I was realizing, like I'm using this to cope, not because I'm actually hungry, and I need to nip this in the butt, like before it spirals back to where I was, you know, five years ago. It's interesting that you bring this up because the other day I posted something I did this like hack for on Earth Ran Seacrest. It was like how to um Like a girlfriend of mine told me she's like she packs her breakfast and lunch the night before, like she was if she was going to work, so that she stops like just going randomly into the kitchen and doing all that kind of stuff. And so I posted that like tip, and I got like i'd say, like the feedback was like this is such a great idea, but there's always those few that trickle in, you know, that are just like you should not be shaming people if they want to eat a little extra, if you're gonna gain weight during this quarantine, like whatever people need to use to cope, blah blah. And I responded to each and every one of them, and I actually got a bunch of responses back, like apologizing, saying like, you know what, you're absolutely right, And because I kept saying, I was like, it's not about the weight. It's not about the number. It's about what it's like mentally. It's like giving me this structure for me what I eat when I put my body is like it all just kind of it's all one situation here. It's not about that. And so it's like a very like um thoughtful response. And then like I kept then they responded to like, oh, you know what, like you're totally right, and I can see that, and so I have no problem saying that because it's like I do. It's I think whatever you need to do right now, especially this time to cope. It's like, do it whatever you need to do. But for me, I need the structure. I need the like I need it. Yeah, I mean I think it's to eat each his own. And that's why why you know, people will say the same thing to me, like, oh, you shouldn't focus on that, And I'm like, here's my focus, feeling my absolute best that I can in this time. And if I'm not doing that, and if I'm not setting myself up to feel my best, then I'm gonna be at my worst. So whatever that means to you, that's what's important. But for me, that means I have to be moving my body. I have to do something active every day. I have to have like some interaction with others. So like even this even talking to you right now, like it's filling up my tank. Um. I have to know that I'm eating healthy foods to fuel my body, because when I eat a bunch of junk food, I'm lethargic, I'm unable to get stuff done, and it just puts me in a different mind space. So those are the tools I know I have to follow. Those may not be yours, but most of the time, the people that get angry and reach out, so you shouldn't shame are the ones that want to make those changes but aren't ready yet. Yeah, so it's like, you know, you just kind of have to take it and know, like, you know, we're all where we're we all are doing the best we can, and that is okay. Some days, some days were disasters and some days were great. Totally totally, but I'm bad. I'm ready to be back. I'm happy to be in daily communication with you again. I'm we're excited about that. Oh yeah, Monday is a big day for us. I'm like, well, you're always so positive to like, I love you know, I love working with people that start the day regardless of what's going on, you have a kindness to you and I think that's so important. You know, you have a kindness and a light, and when you have those things, it's like such an amazing experience to coach somebody that's like that, because you're I don't even know how to put it into but I don't know. I know, I know exactly what you mean because I feel it on the other end, like I feel it like as you're I don't know a student. I don't know what I would call myself, um, but I feel it on the other end because I think it is tough. It's it's not an easy program for sure. So it is like it's it's there are moments where you're just like, but I feel like this love and you feel like you're all in it together, and I don't know this, this is weird. It's like a sense of community that I'm like obviously lacking right now. So yeah, it's not hard, I'm like, and you know, and and it's it's comfort knowing that you're not I mean, we are not in this alone, no matter what it is, no matter if it's all it, no matter if it's your happy hour with your girlfriends that you have or whatever it is. I think so many of us feel like, you know, when you start to feel alone and then instead of taking action, you just become more and more alone, Like you just distance yourself even more. Because it's so hard sometimes to say, like, you know, it was probably you probably thought about sending that text for a couple of days before you actually sent it, you know, like it's you know, it's hard to take action. So even if it's journaling or whatever it may be to make you feel better, like just putting your feelings out there to remember this time. I mean, that's even what I've been saying to my kids, Like because my kids, like my daughter is doing an online play right now because the place she normally does, they're they've canceled. How do they do that? Do you do it for three hours on Tuesdays? I'm like, God bless her that she can sit there and do this or three hours over like that's actually nice for you. Uh yeah, I'm like, oh my goodness, But like they are missing out on so many things that they are that they're used to. But then I put all this pressure on myself like gosh, you know, normally I have them so so many activities, and we were doing so many things and we're having so much fun. And then I actually asked my kids the other day like how are you doing, and they were like, my daughter's slate goes. Mom, I have actually been loving this time. We've had so much together time. And I was like, oh, I was like, I'm putting all this pressure on myself and my kids are happy, So like what am I doing? Why am I putting this? Like? Why am I adding this extra pressure like our kids. And also like at the end of the day too, it's like if they get a little behind on their schoolwork, like it's fine, we all ended up fine. I don't remember what I did in first grade, like you know, yeah, and I think I've also learned, like and this will go the same, Like we also need to talk about your boyfriend by the way, who uh yeah, well we'll get into that in one second. But um, there's you know, so much of this that's been going on right now, like with the kids with everything. At first, like I was bawled up and like not wanting to talk about it with them, you know, like only giving them the information that like I felt like was completely like kid proof. And then I realized, like I can have a real conversation with them, Like the other morning, like I was like, sorry, if mom seems like a little bit um stressed, I am a little stressed today. I have a lot of press I need to do, you know, for the show because it shows about to start airing on April fifteenth, And with that, you know, and not being able to like I'm doing them on my computer with you guys all here. I've just been feeling stressed, So sorry if you're feeling that way, and like Slate like it was like thanks, Mom, andreis like no problem, Mom, you don't even seem stress, you know, Like but just talking to them, talking to the people in your life and telling them what you need or how you're feeling, it's such a game changer. Yeah, I was gonna ask you do you tell them like do they know what's going on? Like, I mean, obviously they know what's going on, but like do you share the news with them or like how much do you tell them about all this? I don't, you know, I didn't feel like it was healthy for me even to keep the news on and constantly listen like I was spiraling. So I'm more of like tell me what I need to know and I'll do I'm you know, we really talked about like the importance of like washing your hands and you know those types of things. They their school has done a nice job of just like explaining coronavirus to them, um and you know the importance of like staying home and all of that. But other than that, no, Like I think there was one day where we had the news on quite a bit and UM crews actually like said to my husband, like can we change the channel? Dad, Like this is kind of making me sad because it's just you know, it's yeah, it's better just to have a for me to have a candid conversation with them and just say like where we are, but like also set up their expectations, like, guys, there's a chance we won't be going back to school this year, like just giving you a heads up, like there is a chance. We don't know. You know, it's day to day, but I just want you guys to manage kind of your expectations. And it's you know, um right there not going back to school. Of usually announced it at our school, they're saying at the end of you know, these four weeks, then you know, but everything is different, and then you know you're on are I assume are you on all these group texts where like everybody's sending information and sometimes I'm like, don't tell me this. I don't I think like that, like honestly that like really, um so it was kind of nuts because I feel so grateful that I do get to be able to have a job that I can do from home, you know, like I'm very grateful especially with all like I keep reading about all these layoffs and furloughs, and you know, people's businesses are are failing, and it's like it's really really a sad, sad time, and so I'm like so grateful for the fact that I can do this. Um, but I think I got to this point where it was like I would get up the second I woke up, I'd come out here, I'd look on the screen. We would do the radio show to like eleven or whatever. Then we would have a meeting, and then I would have conference calls all day, and then we'd have another group meeting at like five, and before I know it, like Son's going down. I hadn't left my house, I hadn't seen anything but a screen, and I think it was really starting to like, um, it's been like more of a mental thing for me to kind of like go through all this, you know, like I wasn't sure how to Like I didn't step outside once the whole day and and I love like being outside, and you know, so it's kind of like trying to figure out. I think the first like two weeks it was just trying to figure out this new normal and like how to adjust and kind of make sure that my mind wasn't like because I never really I'm not a big I never really suffered from anxiety before, and I'm I'm feeling a lot of it now lately, and so it's just kind of like navigating all that and just trying to like be verbal about it and just kind of expressing how I'm feeling and just know because it's like for me, I'm such a positive person and I like, you know, I try to look at the glass half fool all the time, and sometimes I think it's important to just be like, no, I'm having a crappy day and that's okay, I'm gonna try I'm gonna be better tomorrow. Yeah, yeah, tomorrow. And I've realized with everybody I've really talked to, that's kind of how they're feeling because we don't have control over anything right now. So it's like I feel like I'm constantly like you don't want to let people down. So it's like with work, I'm trying to do as much work as possible because I know like everybody's just trying to navigate. And then like with friends, I'm trying to be there for my friends that are really struggling, but it's also you know, and then like with your family, you're trying to be it's like you're just trying to manage manage it all, and it's like we're just just just going through it together. I think, you know, like one of the listener questions was like, how how am I balancing being a mom and entrepreneur and a wife and all those things, And you know, same with you like with work and you have the radio show and then you have the podcast, all of these different things. And I think what I've learned is some days you're gonna be super great at something and something else is going to fall through the cracks a little bit and one and then you know what, the next day it will be something else like and that is okay. I think honestly having perfect balance is impossible. Yeah, And also think like learning how to navigate to because I was realizing, um, like I was on the air, but I felt like sad, like I didn't feel like myself, and so I, um, I was like, what can I do to kind of get my energy up, you know, so that I can instead of being around people that will help me, you know, keep my energy up. And so I'd like put a jump rope behind like my little table here and just was like in between songs, I would like do some jump rope and like get myself up. You know, it's so weird going. I know it's have to like kind of keep you have. I almost have to like get a little bit of like a rush so that I can get get the momentum going, because if not, I'm like, there's no urgency. All right now, There's gotta be urgency. There's gotta be something because I to make you feel alive. Yeah, so you met your boyfriend on hinge? I need more details? Uh, yes, we met on hinge. UM, which is like the craziest thing to me because I was always so poo poo on dating apps. And but then so I don't know if that's a swiping one or a clicking one or what it is for someone telling they're they're all swiping every single one of them you swipe on, so it doesn't really narrow it down. Yeah yeah did you? Did you swipe because of the picture or because of what it said? Um? So this one I actually really like because it does give you a little bit more insight. Asked to like the person that they are. UM one of his Like two of his questions were like literally, so me, um, he's sleeping right now, so I feel okay it's saying this. Um. They were so me that I was like, oh my gosh, this is my dude. He in one of them, he described like what he's looking for and it was literally like me. And then another one it was like something about food and he was like dare like doesn't need dairy black, like all like the things like my weird food things. And I was like, oh, this this is my this is this is a yes for me. But how you were always again because I do. Actually we did something on the podcast about dating apps once and um, you know there's a lot of people are like they just don't work, they just don't work, or some that are like I've been on it forever. What do you think was like made it just all click? I don't. It's so weird because I've been on all the dating apps for years, like they've always just been on and like in the background, does that make sense? Like I was on Bumble and Tinder and Raya and Coffee meets Bagel and Ja Swipe and like Bagel I could not with that name. I was on every single one of them. But I wasn't like actively pursuing anybody that I met, Like I would talk to them for maybe like a day, and then I would just like stop engaging. Like I only had met like physically one guy that I met Mett on match dot com, and then one guy I met on Raya, and then and then my now boyfriend. So I really have only met three guys off of a dating app. But I don't know because it's like I don't I don't really know something about him. The conversation was really easy, like when we were texting, and then I just kind of like one of my girlfriends actually, Sierra, I was just like, just meet this guy, like I have good vibes. I could just have a good feeling about him. So I went and met him for a drink, and I was like expecting it to be not good, and so I was like, Okay, I'll meet you at five thirty. Was planning on leaving at seven thirty because I had to go to New York the next day, and um, we ended up like meeting and having like really easy conversation, like really good chemistry. I was with him until like ten o'clock that night. Whoa, that's late for you, super late for me. And I was going to New York the next day and I hadn't packed. Like that's how like into it I was, So you gotta trust your gut, be ready, be open, read and see if they like dairy or not. But like his explanation of like what he's looking for in a girl was like super meat. It was something like I don't remember it exactly, but like it was something I have it somewhere, I screenshot at it. But it was something along the lines of like, you know, good partner, blah blah blah. But then I can also just like loves just like can be just as comfortable with like jeans and no makeup, you know what I mean, like which is perfect. Yeah. Oh that makes me so happy. I know he's a good one. He's a really good one. Um. Okay, So I have a question. I actually read something that about Gwyneth Paltrow and her husband and like intimacy with having all the kids in the house. But I guess, aren't your kids always in the house? Well for for yeah, I mean my kids are always in the house, but like normally they'd be at school during the day. Some of them, but I haven't been clear Well, intimacy and sex, I know are different, but I haven't even been cleared to have sex yet. I'm not at six weeks. That's next Tuesday. Oh you have it marked on kid, Well, I guess by the time everybody's listening to this, it will be that day. It'll be a surprise day. So no, like Edwin is like, we need he he actually today because I had to get like dressed up for I mean, like I say dressed up. I have my hair half up and like a little bit of mascar on. But he was like, because I got ready for a president. He's like, whoa. He's like, we had six weeks. I'm like not yet. I'm like, but I'm sure we're fine. Weren't five and a half weeks. He's like, nope, the doctor said six weeks, so it's just let me know. I'm like, oh my god, so cute. He's like, panics, something bad will happen if we do before um. But yeah, so sex, I'm not there yet, So I don't know how to answer that question. But intimacy, our biggest thing is like just to set aside some time for ourselves. So like a couple of nights ago. It was like a day that it was like a high anxiety day for me. And I like said to Edwin in the morning, like, you know, I'm having a little bit of a day. Like I'm doing everything that I can. I've worked out, you know, I've gotten my work done. There's nothing I'm putting off, but I just still feel anxious. And he was like, well, hey, why don't we like just pick a movie that we can watch and that can be the time when like the kids are allowed to have their tablet and you know, like we'll come up with an activity that they could you know whatever it was as and so like we gave the kids the tablet. We fed the kids dinner, and then we gave them the tablet, and like we said and not dub du just like sat on me. But we just like cuddled on the couch watched an adult movie together. But like in that one like hour and a half, I felt more connected to Edwin than I had, like because we're both like so busy. It's like a business exchange, like I'll have that like he has done right now, and then like we switched it off and blah blah blah, you know, like we're just like constantly in motion, and so it really was just like about taking that moment to like actually like cuddle and touch and like be near one another where it's not like we're just you know, going through the motions of making sure we're like working hard and taking care of our kids. Um, I am, how like PG, do you keep it on your podcast? I mean not, We've talked a lot about sex in general. But what what's your question? Because my question is do you give him blow jobs? Um? Well, I mean yes, but um, the last week I have not because we've been at our beach house and my son has been in our room with us and the baby. So like it just feels heard a lot of people so like I should like he probably wouldn't be as ready to go if this wasn't like, but the last like let's say, ten days have been a little slow. But like, I don't know, I feel weird when the kids are in the room, even if they're sleeping. Yeah, that would be a hard note for me. There are some parents that do, and I'm not judging them, but there are some that are and I but I can't not No, I don't think I could. I don't think I could either. But my son is like definitely going through the phase of like, well, if baby Dove gets to be in the room, then so do I. And I'm like, you want to be up for every night multiple times and he's like, yep, I don't care. So, like we've the sleep schedule was going so well with I mean, sleeping on his own was going so well. But now we've had a yeah, we're gonna try, Yeah, we're gonna have We've pivoted, We're gonna try again tonight. We've got our meditation apps. We're going in full force. I'm sure yours is a little different, though, you guys like crazy crazy over there. I know, it's so funny. I was actually reading like my blow jobs are going just fine, thank you. But I couldn't even imagine having kids because I always get nervous that like my neighbors can hear me, do you know what I mean? Like that's like my fear is like no, because my walls are super thin in my apartment complex, so I can hear like they're yeah, I can hear their TV, like when I go to the bathroom, Like I can hear the TV from my neighbors. So I'm like, oh, like, what can they hear? And here? Oh I've just had so many visuals. Now I need to reel it back in, reel it back in. Um. Yeah, so one of us, one of us is getting a lot more action than the other on this podcast. But you guys, check me back next week. I'll be I'll be making a turn. I'll be back to my two times a week. Guys. Don't worry. Oh is that is that like your is that your guys? This thing too? You do it two times a week. We make sure to there. There's add ons occasionally that you know, like days, anniversaries. No, I actually I actually like to to do more, but I'm saying we make sure it's at least two because life like gets really crazy with with all these kids and work and and so we're like we made a deal, like we'll be like, all right, if it's like Thursday and we haven't yet, I'm like one of us will be like, hey, we're at zero and we're like, oh, shoot, we gotta get one in. Let's go. So that's like a little like understanding that you guys have in your marriage. Then we have to have closet time. What's closet time? Sometimes you have to just do it in the closet because it is the only place close. I think that's I think that's so cute though, because I think it, I do think it's very important. And I also think that like I can't imagine, especially now with four kids running around, like I feel like that probably that time gets like less and less. And so the fact that you guys have this like understanding that like, Okay, it's going to happen at least twice a week, Like that's really cute. Yeah, And I mean it makes it kind of fun because like, well, well before we were you know, when we weren't working together all the time, like in each other's space all the time. Like if he would be at the office, he'd like send me a text, he'd be like number one, you know, like question mark or you know, like whatever. You know, Like that's so cute. I think that's so sweet. I really do. I got a lot of heat from it. I talked about it publicly once and someone's like, you schedule sex, how I don't romantic? And I was like, we don't like schedule and it's not like four pm on Thursdays it's just we make sure that it happens and we make ourselves a priority because like I will say that after I had Clayton Cruise, like there was a time where like there was you know, we had like you know, a low point like where you know, I wasn't feeling my best and then I wasn't like in the mood. Or then he would come home from work and I would be so exhausted that then like I'd be complaining to him instead of like, you know, it just it changed. It changes after kids. So I think the fact that like we can talk about it and make it, you know, something that we can laugh about makes it a lot easier. Also, like if I want to schedule a blow job at four pm on a Thursday, like I'm going to do that because guess what, it's my life and it's my prerogative and I get I can guarantee you when I have kids, I will probably be scheduling those things. Is it going to be color coordinated? What blowjop friend for love are? No? I know it's so funny. Daily makeouts are gonna have to be daily make out? Yeah? I know it. The kids are, but also kids are funny too, They're like, ohh you guys are disgusting, Like what see you two kids? I'm like come on, and they're like that's now. I'm like, yeah, okay, guys, but I think it's healthy for knstucing you like give your partner. You're like, I think it's I think that's really important that your kids see you guys like kissing and loving each other for sure. I mean maybe not like grabbing your boobs and button things like that, but I think kissing is so sweet. Me too, I think so too. They just like to cheose us and then and then crews always go, Dad, what are you trying to be handsome for mom? You can be handsome? Yeah, So that's that. That's that we're gonna get back in the swing of things. Come to night. Baby, wait, I need to know, so like, okay, this is like sick because I'm actually gonna be thinking about this on Tuesday. So like, are you gonna like wear something nice? Are you gonna do something just just regular straight sex. It's gonna be like one. It's like been a while, so we have like Also, it's I mean, last trimester of sex is like a whole situation because you can only do it from one ankle, like it's a whole thing. So this is like i't I might be still in a little bit of pain. So you have to like tread softly the first time, like there's no funny business because like your uterus is still shrinking and like there could be you know, like you're still like bleeding weeks after having a baby. I love that you like touch your book as I say that. It makes me so it's like so intense. So we have to we have to you know, we'll be careful the first time, but the second time during the week, you know, I bet we'll really have to ex handle. Do they stitch? Because you had dumb naturally right like out the hole, out the whole of how many stitches did you have with Slaton cruise stitches and with dub I didn't need? Does that mean you're vagina was so stretched out embarrassed when I when I asked how many stitches and he said that, I was like, what can you just put a courtesy stitch in there? Because I obviously can you tighten the backup down there? He's like, great news, you didn't tear, And I was like, I share, it's actually hilarious. That's so funny. That's better for the recovery, right, Yeah, it was great for the recovery, terrible for the ego. Can't tell On that note, Tanya, thanks for joining me today and getting me to share my most um embarrassing topics. You're so welcome. I was just happy to, so happy to. I can't wait until you have kids that I can grill you on your vagina. Dude, I can't wait too, because I mean I can't wait, and I will wait. But um, it's such a new world that like it's just so I don't even know where I'm gonna begin, Like I'm gonna be reading all the books, all the things, but then it's gonna be totally different from me, for you, for them, whatever you read or here, because like every single person I know has like a completely different story. And you know, we get ourselves all amped up for something that doesn't happen, and then you know, you end up stitch less, stitch less, stitchless with faulty boobs, but somehow we're surviving. So I'm like literally trying to envision like what no, like how sexy my stitchless? Uh? Crying and then having to ask edwin to take my placenta outside to drop it off to the placenta ladies so I could have them made into pills so I could eat them. Do you ask Edwin, like, is my vagina like shrutch here? Well I have. I didn't ask him if I missed any spots like grooming, and he was like, actually, baby, you did a really nice job up. And I was like, you shave it before you give birth. You just think I might to have a bunch of hair out that now? Of course, of course I did, and I was serious about it. I went in the bath with a mirror. I could not handle if there was like a like a weird spot or some kind of like misshaving or not even for just my husband my doctor, Like I don't right right the nurses, gosh, not be the worst scene of the day, right right right? I get that. Wow, Edwin really has really just stepped up. He's stepped up. I see him at the with a whole new set of eyes. Now. Yeah, So anyways, so I'm well kempt keeping things together. But yeah, but now I can see mine again and it's it seems fine. We'll see how it goes. I'm gonna tell see you on Tuesday and be like, happy hump Day, Happy hump Day, hump Day. Oh my god, you made me like cry laughing thing. I've totally forgotten about the stitches and now I'm back. You're I don't know what, but what you name your podcast episodes with this one should be stitchless, stitchless, stitchless stitchless and hormonal stitch listen hormonal. Thanks for tuning in. But I do think a lot more energy because I ate my pacenta pills. I'm serious. I'll read about that some day. I can't wait to eat my own placenta. On that note, On that note, it's all unapproved, so Tanya. Next up, we have Jinny Marie Batistan and she has books on Mindfulness for Teens and ten Minutes a Day and then Mindfulness Journey for Teens. They're both available now. But she's going to talk to us about like coping with anxiety with everything that we're going through right now. Nice, I love that, So let's take a little break and then we'll come back with her. Right I can't believe you've got me to share that stuff. Wait, would you not normally share that stuff? I'm sorry, Hi, how are you guys. Good. Thanks, you're on with Tony and Teddy. All right, Hi, Hi you guys holding up there, We're holding up. We're so okay, we can see you. We're so happy to hear from you because we would love to hear some ways to reduce anxiety and stress during these uncertain times. Rates I'd love to chat with you guys about that. What would you say, like, just off the top of your head, is like the number one way to reduce stress and anxiety right now? You know, one of the things that I'm noticing with a lot of my clients is, you know, it's important to acknowledge the feelings and not push it away. I think a lot of times we think like I just shouldn't think about this, but sometimes that it actually makes us more anxious. But if we can just acknowledge it and just say, like, I'm knowing you've seeing I'm having an anxious thought about what's going on, and then once we notice it, we can then actually then commit our attention to focus on something that is within our control, so something inside of our home, something with our kids, something with our partner, um and you know, and then that will really start to lessen the anxiety because if we worry about everything that's out there, we can't control what's going on outside of our home right now for sure. And the more we try to control the uncontrollable, the worst we get. Yes. Absolutely, And do you care if I just kind of go through some listener questions right now because so many people bull are just like at their within right now, and I want to make sure that we get through them. Yes, that's great, all right. The first one is what can I do to make grocery shopping less stressful? Uh? That's a great one. I think if we can really try to create a menu for the week, and it can be really fun too, if we engage the family, we're home by ourselves. Maybe we can just be creative and say, hey, I'm gonna create some fun recipes this week. Make a list, and then be strategic about your list of Okay, I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna do shopping for two weeks um as much as possible, because that lessons are contact out there. Uh, and then we can do simple things when we're out there as far as you know. If we have our own disinfecting wives, take them with us, just an extra precaution, but just being aware of our where our placement of our body is and that we can keep ourselves safe. And I think before you actually leave the house, just remind yourself, hey, I can be aware of myself. I can keep myself safe by keeping appropriate distancing. I'm in control of my space and my body. And if we start with that mindset, it tends to lessen our anxiety when we're out there in the public. That's really good advice because we just start to spiral and like already planned the next grocery trip when you're at the current one. I know, and like, I hate going to the grocery store because it makes me anxious. And I'm like, I'm starting to get better about just being like this is fine. I can do it and safely do it. And I'm I'm good. I know. I keep I keep checking Amazon Fresh to see if it's like working, and it's not. I'm always like, all right, I gotta go the next. The next one is about hand washing, and it's I'm so paranoid about washing my hands. They're starting to crack and bleed. What do I do? How can I manage it? It's become a compulsion. Ah yes, So part of that is just acknowledging too. Again, I'm having the thought of being anxious about coronavirus. I'm noticing that thought, and sometimes if we actually just actually acknowledge it, then we start to lessen our anxiety about it and then say a statement with that of I can take care of myself. I can be aware of when I need to wash my hands. So you know, if we're staying in our home, we're safe in our home. Uh. You know, we've we we're protecting ourselves, so our handwashing doesn't need to be as extreme when we're home. Sometimes we focus on that because it feels like something within our control. But if we've come home and we've washed your hands, we're good there. So acknowledge I'm having that thought. Acknowledge I already took an action. I came home, I washed my hands. And then of course we can use some really great things like get some lavender uh scented lotions. Uh that can be just really soothing for our hands as well as you're gonna get that little boost of amotherapy of lavender that just calms the body. So we're moisturizing our hands because we're washing them more often, but we're also doing something that's going to calm us a little bit. I like the idea of the lavender that and I like that, all right, I can do that. And then what about for extroverts who are really finding it difficult to be home right now? Like what I know likes have helped, but like, what other tools do you recommend? Yeah, so of course we've got the zoom calls. Uh, you know, I think people are getting creative. They're also doing that Netflix watch parties together where you can chat with your friends. I think also if we can just commit ourselves to an action that we can do at home that could be really fun and engaging that maybe we don't always do. So maybe we can play a board game with our family if we have someone who's home with us. If we don't have anyone who's home with us, then it's again finding something in the house that we feel like we can put our time in our energy too, that's enjoyable. And then maybe we share with our friends and our family of the progress that we've had on a project at home can be really helpful. Of course, there's games you can play too. I think a lot of people are having fun playing in these, you know, remote games with each other. It's another fun way to connect. And I mean watching Tiger King, I really was. I really enjoyed that. That like got me out of like I was kind of spiraling and then I watched that, and I'm like, you know what, I could be Joe exotic and now I feel better. It's so funny how everyone is totally jumped on that Tiger King guy. I've got to watch it now. I know. I'm gonna watch it this weekend. Are you guys? You haven't watched it. I cannot believe it. I was like, I'm blown, So you need to watch it. It's not just like an Instagram sensation. It's so crazy good. It's unbelievable. Okay, we're gonna watch that again. I gotta do it. Yeah, all right, So this one's funny. Um how he's asking, which I think everybody can relate to. Um, how do I not lose it on my husband being around him all day every day? Oh my goodness, I am hearing this one a lot, especially because I'm a relationship therapist. Um, you know, I think it's really important that we have a ten minute check in with our partner and say Hey, what do you need today? Um? What would be helpful for you? And and then create sanctuary zones in your house where it's kind of like the no go zone of where you're going to ask your partner for something that's their zone. You're not going to enter it and go like hey can you fix the toilet or hey can you do another little laundry for me or whatever. Um, You're just really going to protect th zones. Um. And then if you do that ten minute check in of like, hey, how are you feeling about things? How do you feel like we're doing in the house, negotiating, getting things done, taking care of the kids, or taking care of work? Uh? And you know, how are you generally feeling in the day to day of all of what we're going through. And by doing that ten minute check in a lot of times, that's gonna be stress reducing and that's going to help us. You know, I feel a little bit less, uh, you know, with our partner and that we want to just um, you know, maybe send him along to the Tiger King. Well, I feel like I totally agree because I was talking earlier with telling me about it, and I did say, like in the morning, my husband. I like have a little conversation where I'll be like today I'm feeling anxious or the time I'm feeling and kind of like setting the tone to like we know how to manage each other, or like I'm feeling on top of the world today. I can do this. I've got you know, like, so you have an idea because most of the time we're projecting how we're feeling on our partner and it has nothing to do with them. So I try to always remember, I mean, I'm not perfect at this. Like sometimes like last night, his phone was like making a noise and I was like, and then he was like, you need to take a breath, like some other time. He One of the other things I teach my couples is what I call CPR. So CPR would be a compliment for the CEE. Give your partner a compliment um or and I appreciate statement. And then if you've got a problem, then leading into the problem and say, but say it in this format. You know, I'm feeling anxious about, you know, whatever you're feeling anxious about, and then follow it by what you need and I really need uh, And then your partner is going to lean in a little bit more towards you and be able to help meet those needs. Okay, all right, I'm gonna I'm gonna app my compliments. I'm sure Tony is already good at the complimenting. Yeah, but also, like you also have to understand we're newly dating, so that's like not you know, but I also think when I'm when I'm telling people that are like going and saying with their partners is like, just have a little bit of grace for everybody right now, you know what I mean. Like we're all going through emotions and feelings that we've never had or felt before. So it's just kind of like, let's just all have a little bit of great for one another. Yes, that's so true. And I think it's important for us to also have compassion for our own self as well during this time and understand it is difficult times. So if we can have self compassion first, then we also are able to have compassion and kindness with our partner. Alright, Alright, I know we've all we've all got to work on that. Guys. Nobody needs to be, you know, losing it on their husbands every day. Let's let's let's keep it to like every five days. I think that's okay, that's a fair compromise. It just needs to me every day. We have enough um. And then the final question before we have to wrap up because we're running out of time, is somebody's saying I haven't showered in four days and I wear sweats every day. One thing that I can say is I pretty much wear sweats on the bottom every day, but I do take a shower because the shower actually makes me feel better. I take multiple showers a day. I could not imagine not showering for five days. That would really throw me into another tailsman. You have to shower, and if you don't even like showers, like even if you take a bath and look at it like self care and like make it like a place where you're reading, or put some some bath salts in there, like find a way that like you can take a moment to yourself to enjoy the process. Because I know with myself, when I am not like clean, I don't feel good and I can't like take action. But you know true, I mean, is there anything else you guys want to add to that? Yeah, put some candles on. And also we know that you know our anxieties are going to be lessened if we keep a routine and a schedule. So a showers an important part I hope of our normal schedule. So keep that going perfect. Well, you guys, thank you so much. Um, thank you for joining me, both of you guys. I think it's so I mean, we had some laughs and then also I think these are some great tools and the most important thing we can all remember is like we're not in this alone. We're all together, and you know, we're doing what's best for for us and are staying healthy in our families and everyone around us. And you know, I'm really grateful to you guys because having this like contact and speaking with you guys has really made me feel good today. So thank you, yes, yes, thank you and everyone hanging there. We're gonna all get through this together. Yeah we well, thank you, thank you. Hi. Thanks for listening. Subscribe to n T pot on I Heart radio or wherever you listen to podcasts.