This is Teddy Teapot. Hi guys, Happy New Year, and not to put a big stinker on your resolutions, but I'm here to talk to you about why eight percent of New Year New Year's resolutions fail by February. Some of the reasons why our goals aren't clear. You feel overwhelmed, you feel discouraged, and you're not ready to change. Example, if you're running a marathon, would you just do it one day without working up to it. No, you would actually train for it. We were in the place where we want instant gratifications, so we set a grand goal for the year, not thinking through the commitments and little goals we need to do to actually reach them. If if you don't set yourself up to succeed at these goals, you will indeed slip, feel guilty, quit, and then be bummed about it. I am super excited to be co hosting today with Ed my Let. He is one of the top fifty wealthiest under fifty and entrepreneur and believes in fully maxing out at your life. Tell us a little bit about yourself. Well, thank you, Teddy. I think you said it pretty well. I'm barely under fifty anymore. When that was written, I was way under fifty. But I'm a life in business coach and I kind of just I've decided to spend the second half of my life helping people make their lives better. You know. I spend almost all my time doing that now, as you know. And you and your husband, Ed Winner a couple of my dearest friends. So it's great to be here with you today. Well, thank you, And so we're gonna I'm gonna ask some questions to add but we're also going to have Tanya rod On, who's going to talk to us about vision boards, which I have a lot of questions on. Well, I mean, I know tons of celebrities do vision boards, but I have actually never done one. And then we also have a life coach on uh Shari Healy. So Ed, I've been super vocal about how I feel about resolutions, which I don't make them because I fully don't believe that if you make some goal and you're saying I'm going to do this every day for the rest of the year, you're setting yourself up to fail. How do you actually feel? Well? I do both. I set up stuff at the beginning of the year, but I totally agree with you that if you have some one year plan but you're not doing something short term, you don't have a goal for every day or every week, you're probably gonna break down. I actually teach a thing called many days where I break my DAB day into literally three days. Six am to noon is one full day, noon to six pm is another day, and six pm to midnight's the third day. So the more you shrink time frames down of where you link your goals to, the more likely you are to achieve them. So I actually get twenty one days a week instead of seven, which is a way of managing my time. That is a huge difference for me in terms of productivity and stay in focused on my goal. So I have long term goals too, But the more you can shrink the time frame you're totally right, the more like you are to stay on them. Yeah. Like, I'll do my daily three non negotiables, which are the things that I'm doing no matter what. I also do my three daily goals, which sometimes I won't get to those, and then I'll know the next day, oh shoot, I need to move that to a non oshiable for tomorrow because I can't put off that phone call anymore. Or that decision to let that person go or whatever it may be. Um, you're really good at that, by the way, because I know you and your outstanding. One little tip on that, just to say everybody, is that you know you're gonna check your smart phone about three fifty times a day. If you're an achiever, it's like five hundred times a day. So to keep yourself on track. Instead of your screen saver being a picture of something that's from the past, put on that screensaver those goals for the day and you'll look at them three to five hundred times a day and it programs it in your mind. Right. So that's a huge tip that I do every single day. My goals are on my phone, So three or fifty times a day is like bang, bang bang bang, I'm seeing these things that are important to me. That is so smart because I'll put little um like timer reminders like do this by this time. But that is so every time I pick up my phone, I'm just looking at nonsense. Yeah, And the reason that's so important, by the way, those timers are huge to almost nobody teaches that. So it's super cool that you're talking about that because I do that too. I put timers through my day, through my month, through my year, reminding me on stuff. So that's a huge thing. And the other thing is, here's the reason that's important. Your thoughts every single day are identical to the previous day. You have nine percent of your thoughts are variable every day. That's it. So the difference in shifting your life is these nine percent of your thoughts. What is it that you think differently Tuesday than you thought on a Monday, And so that's how you shift your life. The rest of them are identical every single day. You speak the same exact it's anxiety timing now today I know it is for you and a little bit for me too. That's all right, But yeah, that's how you change it. And what is the best advice you could give someone vice that says, like, Okay, new decade, I want to change X, Y and Z by the by the end of the year. Huge thing I would say to you is that, and we'll talk about this later, is you're only going to be consistent with what you believe your worth, which is your identity. But here's the deal. Goal setting is really something that's not evolved in like fifty years, and I'm writing about it right now. The old goal setting ideas, hey write your goals down, read them twice a day, read them out loud, and have a reason why. Those are all really powerful things. But it's like nineteen twenty Napoleon Hill stuff. The modern version of it is this your You have to have your thoughts and your feelings in alignment or in congruency, so you have a conscious thought. Here's what happens for most people there they think, which is your conscious mind your body. What you feel is your unconscious mind. So you write down all these things that you think you want, except you're thinking of them, and the minute you think that, you're in the same body as before, the same feeling. Like I want to make a hundred thousand dollars, I want to lose twenty pounds, but the feeling is I'm not gonna do it. So your feelings and your thoughts aren't in alignment or in congruency, You're really not going to change you. So the way you change you is to get your feelings in alignment with your thoughts. So how do you do it really quickly? A huge tip, and I'm writing about this right now, is I coach a lot of athletes, as you know, in their mental game, athletes are the best in the world that achieving their goals. The reason is they do these three things. Number One one, you have a thought of the goal that you want, you have to get your body in a peak state when you're having that thought. So I want you to do one thing when you're doing you're working out or yoga or stretching, or even taking a shower. If you ever noticed, you're in the shower, the water hits you, you're like in a better state. You have better thoughts on the shower. That's because your feelings have changed. So while you're in a forty five minute work I'll give yourself the gift for two minutes during that workout of going through the thoughts of what your goals want to be and sinking it in your body when it's in a peak state. And what happens then is the feeling of achievement is already in the body at the same time you think. And if you do that over and over, you're rewiring your thoughts and your feelings to be in alignment huge and which is making yourself worth so much higher, and you're literally changing you Otherwise you just think I want this. I want this in the same body, same unconscious mind, you feel the same way. The third element that athletes do a great job is they visualize the goal happening as if it's happened, and they, if you think about, they celebrate the touchdown, they celebrate the home run, they celebrate the field goal, whatever it is. So the third element is get your thoughts and your feelings in alignment, So be thinking your goals while you're moving your body. This is a huge difference than reading them stagnant. And third, see that happening and flood yourself with gratitude for the achievement of something that hasn't existed yet. And the more you're flooding yourself with the feeling of gratitude for the achievement of it, your feelings and thoughts are in alignment, you are remaking you. And that's how you actually manifest something. As those three things combined, Yeah, you couldn't be more right. Gratitude is key. When I wake up mornings and I'm like, I can't believe I have to do this. I am so irritated I have to do this. I'm in a crap mood all day. I'm going through the motions motions versus waking up saying I get to do this. Yes, I am so grateful that I can get up, get on this peloton bike, get my kids ready for school, drop them up, like whatever it may be. Like, we get to do these things, and we are in such a better place than so many other people. And take it for granted. You take it for granted, and then also flood yourself with gratitude for the things you want before you've received them. Trust me, that remakes It remakes your cellular basis of who you think you are. So I watch you do it. You're on that peloton, or you're in the you're working out in the morning, and I know you're thinking about your goals for that day. Well you're doing it. Most people separate, they wake up, they read their goals, so they think things when their body is not in a peak state. Then they go move their body. But don't think those thoughts link them together and you start changing you. That'd be the hugest thing you can give yourself the gift of. And if you're exercise is just taking a walk. If you don't exercise, do it in the shower because that water changes your state and changes your feeling. That's such a good idea. And I mean so often we're looking to others to motivate us. And if if you're not willing to commit to yourself, it doesn't matter what I say, what you say, what anybody says, because then we're just stuck in our own negative feelings of like who's going to do this for me? Yeah, you're totally right, And that's like, that's the lowest level motivation. Is someone else moving you. The way you really change yourself is you don't even get really what you want in life. You really get what you believe you deserve, and you get your standards. So if you can change your personal standards of what you believe your worth or what you will accept from yourself, that's when you won't need someone else to move you. But if you don't change your standard, you don't change your worth. That you're constantly looking at somebody that you think is worth more than you to get you to do something right, that's the problem. So I have a question. So for me, when it came to changing my life, I almost had to hit like a rock bottom where I felt really alone, really sad, where I was just like struggling, and I was at that place where like, Who's going to do this for me? And finally I was like, I this, I'm changing my life today. I don't care what you say, what you do, what your thoughts are. This is for me. But other than kind of hitting that breaking point, how do people start elevating their self worth? Yeah, so self worth is through keeping the first off, the way you get self worth is by getting self confidence. Self confidence is something you can get right now. You can start building your self confidence right now. Self confidence is the process of keeping the promises that you make to yourself. That's all self confidences. So when I meet somebody who doesn't have a lot of confidence, because I've been there where I had none. I had consistently not kept promises I made to me. I didn't say on my nutrition plans, I didn't make the amount of phone calls in my business I said I would. I wouldn't even get up when I said I was going to get up. I couldn't trust me. Lack of self confidence is lack of self trust. And so the more you just stack the day in your favor, where you do the things you can control and keep these promises you make to yourself, the more you begin to transform yourself, often it's now you can go to work on your identity and your worth, and your worth is going to govern everything in your life. Your identity is like the thermostat sitting on the wall in this room, right, it's regulating the temperature in here. It's not the external temperature outside that regulates this place. If it's eighty degrees outside, it's still gonna be seventy four and here because the thermostats set there, right. Most people think it's the external things in their life. It's not at your internal thermostat, your identity that governs everything. And the problem that people have is that's why they gain weight back, that's why they lose money they make, That's why relationships are good, and then they're not good. If your identity is seventy five degrees of happiness, let's just say, and life starts to get better at eight five degrees, you will find a way to unconsciously turn the air conditioning on cool your life back to that regulated identity. Same thing as if it goes bad, some of us gain a little bit more weight than is what we really think we're worth. We will heat our life back up and lose that weight to seventy five degrees. So the whole key to life is all the other stuff is great. You've got to change that internal thermostat. How do you do it? Two ways? One who you're around, the power of your associations, who you listen, two on social media, the things you're reading, and who your closest colleagues or friends are around you every day supporting you. The second thing is, in a short window of time, do something psycho seriously in a short little window of time. Man, Okay, So like, um, dramatically change something? So um. If for me in business, if it was I was making three or four phone calls a day, I'm gonna make fifteen a day. I'm not talking about something that's not maintainable, like going to the gym for three hours. But if you shock yourself and you deliver on it, it's like a new water mark in the pool. You're like, oh, that's not who I am anymore. So little bursts of something really significant, we've all had that happened. You've all had a couple of little moments in your life at some point where bam, something in a little window happened and you never went back to that old person again. It changes your identity. And so for me, I'm just feeding myself good People's why to hang around you and your husband? Right, Like people like that all in my life that are positive to me. Like I'm not saying this, I was thinking about it driving up here today. I really enjoy when we're together. And I told you the other night we were we went to a football game, Like, I want to do this more like people that just feed your energy. So many of you have people in your life that deplete your energy. They drain you all the time. I know, I never understand when people want to be around people so that they can feel smarter than them, so they can feel like they are in this higher place. I want to constantly surround myself with people I can learn from that make me laugh that I like, I can talk to you and I am seriously engaged in conversation. I know if I'm checked out from a conversation, it's because I'm hanging around the wrong people. Bingo. See here's every everyone says this to me. I just want people to accept me for who I am. I don't want that. No, I don't either want friends. I want people who expect more of me than I currently am, but love me as I am. And that's one of the best things. And that's why I love your wife, And that's what's so great about my husband, is like they're not going to just let us sit there and be complacent wre we are. And this is a common thing that everyone always asked me, like how do you wake up just excited to do it every day? And I'm like, I don't. You are crazy if you think that is the case. None of us are, no matter who it is that you're listening to on you know, podcasts or social media or whatever it is. We are waking up and making the decision to fight for ourselves so huge. And I think someone like you and me, if people knew us better, and I know you talk a lot about it, I tried to as well. I think the reason we seem like we know more about this stuff as you and I had to acquire these skills just to be like baseline functional. Like when I was younger, I had no confidence right, I couldn't communicate, I was a little guy. I needed to get some of these skills just to feel decent about myself. And then what happens. I got addicted to learning how to be better. But you gotta have a couple of friends. Everybody to make a little uncomfortable, like like the type of friends that you know, maybe you clean up before they come over the house, you know what I mean, Like that you don't want them to see you like you are all the time. And I have a lot of those people. They love me, but they expect more of me. I'm a little, tiny, little scoch uncomfortable around them, and it makes me want to be better. So that's how you start to change, right And if you don't have those friends, then it's picking two or three people on social media or podcasts that you go, I'm gonna pour myself with this person. They're gonna virtually mentor and affect me that way. And I think it's also okay to show your vulnerability, Like I could feel myself at the beginning of this podcast. My voice was nervous because you were here today, and I was like, Wow, why do I sound different than I normally do at the intros? And I was like, Oh, it's because I'm doing this with Ed. So instead of having that moment where I don't ever want you to see that. I want to say it to you because then it takes that anxiety away from it. I've now, I've told you there's no moment where you're going to be like judging me or I don't have to think what is ed thinking because I put it out there, and so I think you do the same. Where if you're just vulnerable, you take away so many elements in your mind. Oh my gosh, so vulnerability. I love you. Um, I mean, I like, I do this for free, hundred days a year, right, Like this is great for me. So vulnerability, you know, like they say they just say, hey, pot is a gateway drug. Whether that's true or not, I don't know, right, but they used to say that a vulnerability is a gateway emotion. Vulnerability magnifies and gives you access to way more magnify fight emotions on the other side, If you'll just be vulnerable with yourself and with other people on the other side of that is more connection is more, joy is more, love is more, achievement, more significance. The lack of vulnerability kind of hiding in your fears. It's robs you from all the things you really want. So I am a vulnerable person like I do deal with insecurity. I am pretty introverted naturally, right. I don't know if it's natural or I learned it, but I have all kinds of screwed up. If you knew how screwed up my mind was, you probably never listen anything I said. Right, So, so I like that you do that, and when we're together, we do it too. So I'm a huge fan of vulnerability, and I think what happens if you're not vulnerable, then you end up putting up a shell and people see that then they can't relate to. And uh, I know Ed and I are on a roll, and like you can't quite get us to be quiet when when we're on a roll. But we do need to take a little break. And when we come back, we're gonna have Tanya rad who I love, love love. She is on scrubbing In with Becca Telly, and she is hilarious and smart and such a good person. I can not wait to hear about her vision boards. All right, I know we have more questions for Ed, but first we've got to talk to my girl Tanya. I love her. Hi are you here? Hi, I'm here. How's it going? Babes? You're on with me and ed my lab. Great to have you. Hi, thanks for having me. Okay, so we need I need I know all of the celebs love the vision boards. I've actually never done a vision board, so I need you to walk us through it. I also I'm going to grill you on like what's on your vision board? Um, that's like actually surprises me that you've never made a vision board because this is like so you maybe you'll make it me. Let's see. Okay, so basically what you do and this is how I do what you can do anyway, but this is the way that I found it to be. Like the most successful is I think of like one word that I want to embody for the year. So I just really like think about that word and I'm really intentional about that word. And then I like make all my gold and like aspirations, and then you basically just kind of find photos and I make sure I put the word really like prominent on the board, and then like photos and images that kind of represents like different goals that you have. What would you recommend to somebody just starting out, you know, like me, like I journal, I'm very into journaling, But what would you recommend to somebody just to get started. How do you even find your word? Just think about, like think about something that maybe you you just really want to filter every decision that like in your life, you know what I mean, Like a word that is kind of encompasses the path that you want for like the year. It can be an easy word, like even if it's just happiness, you know what I mean, what I'm doing whatever makes you happy for that year. Um, if you want it to be something like if you want more confidence, have your word be confident, you know, like something that you feel like you just want more of in your life. Tanya, I love this one word strategy. I've heard vision boards and I've heard about the one word strategy, but I've not heard them put together ever before. I just think it helps kind of just point like I think sometimes vision boards can be overwhelming. It's like, oh, you see a picture of somebody on vacation, Like, oh, I want to go on vacation, so I'll put that on there. But it's like because I can ask to my radiance of the year, like maybe not, you know, so big time agree. I love vision boards, but one of the things is you've got like something for your relationship, something for money, something about where you want to live. And it's just sort of this hodgepodge of some something you look at. But if it's intentional, like the way you're describing it, I love that. So everything on your board, just so everyone's kind of taking a starge of everything on the board is reflected somehow for this word that you have for the year. And then how often do you look at this thing? And where do you keep it? So I keep mine in my kitchen so I see it every single day, and then at the end of the year, I'll like move that one in. So I have a collection I've been making instance, like I've been making it for a topic thing for seven years, so I keep them all. And what's really interesting is like sometimes and maybe I don't get like achieve a goal that here, but I'll achieve it like two or three years later, and that's kind of like cool to see kind of how long it takes or like you know what I mean, Like dreams, the goals that you have might not happen in here, but like they happen eventually. Big, Yeah, it's happened for me to like three years later, I'm like, well, I set this thing up in two thousand and eighteen or whatever. So the thing that this does so well I want everyone to kind of get and I want you to speak to this too, is that most people get the same emotions every day. So if you're somebody who finds gratitude and happiness in peace, you sort of find a way to use your word, which is brilliant. The world is filtered to you to find you those things. It's called the reticular activating system right in your brain. And then but what most people or the other ones you get anxiety, worry, fear, anger, and those are the emotions you get every day. The awesome thing about this when you combine this one word with the board, is you're telling yourself I'm gonna find gratitude or I'm gonna find happiness or I'm gonna find radiance every single day. You're actually taking control the emotions have you found. Because of this, you see more of that stuff, at least on a weekly basis than you did before. Like you see it, I think so, And I mean, I mean, I'm human and so like obviously some days I have days that like I'm not radiant, you know what I mean, especially when I'm pre period, like I'm pretty not radiant. I think at the end, at the end of the day, I think I really do kind of just like focus on that and I kind of think like whatever I'm doing, I don't just do things to do them. I do them with perfect you know what I mean. I think that's at a good point. Yeah, that helps a lot. And do you can you add to it? So like you make your board, but let's say your three months into the year and you're like, wow, how did I miss this? Or it's like once it's up, it's done, I think. So, I mean, I think you can always add to it. I usually don't just because I cover my board and I'm kind of like a meat break, so I don't want to touch it when it's done. But I have added things, so like sometimes i'll right like right goals on the back of my board, like with like my handwriting. You know, no, I think it's so great And how did you how did you start? Like who was the person that told you about it? Or where did you read it? So if we have listeners who want to start doing it, they've listened to this podcast, but they're like, Okay, I still need more information or I want to see picture examples or whatever it is. Where should they go? Um? Well, I started doing it because a girlfriend of mine um did it one year and like literally she manifested her board like it was crazy. And so that was kind of and like I went through a really bad breakup and I just kind of felt like I was just kind of very like I was living my life in a hamster wheel, like I wasn't doing anything intentional. I was just kind of living my life and I wanted more purpose. So it kind of felt like the perfect Like what's the word synergy of everything? Um? So I started doing them at that time, and I think I have a bunch of like examples. I posted them on my blog on on it with Ryan dot Com for the Morning Show. So I have like tons of pictures of like my past vision boards and stuff like that up there. Super cool. I Uh, I love that word synergy. So I want to ask you something about maybe an idea on this because you use words I love like intentional and awareness, right, Like it changes your intention when you're just more aware, Like hey, I'm gonna be radiant, I'm gonna be happiness, I'm gonna be joy I'm gonna be powerful whatever that thing is. What about like, and I'm curious because I I've done vision boards, but what if a group of women, for example, want to get together and have an evening where they do this together and they sort of you know, mastermind and brainstorm together and talk out loud about some of their intentions. Or do you think this is something you should do personally in a quiet place by yourself. Um, I've actually seen so. I feel like a lot of people will post like their vision board parties and tag me in it because I'm so vocal and like so like with such a big thing for me. So they have like some girls do, they do um cheese boards and vision boards, so they're like have a bunch of girls come together and like have cheese and wine and like get like a fun thing and go through magazines and cut them out. I think it's important to like have a conversation with yourself and kind of figure out your golden things on your own. But I think making an actual board is super fun to do with people. Maybe we should have do a double host and we'll have one with Teddy te pot and scrubbing in and we'll do a little vision boarding. I love it. I literally like, I love it so much, to the point where, like a lot of my New Year's these plans have been making vision boards with some of my friends. Well good, well, don't leave me out of that. Thank you so much for taking the time to talk with us today, and I'll just be texting you after to set it up. You're so welcome. I love you so much. I'm sorry I couldn't see that person. I have to get to my dentist. I know, I know. Well, we'll see you soon, okay, I love you, love you. So now we're gonna bring on Sharie Healy and she's a possibilitarian, you know everything at what's that? I don't know what that is? All right, but she's gonna tell us. Wait a bit, all right, now we're getting Shari he Leon. She is a possibilitarian, which I need to learn what that is exactly. But she's also an amazing life coach. Hello, you are on with myself and Ed my lett. Hey, great to have you so first. We love the way it sounds, but I don't exactly know what it means. Can you explain what a possibilitarian is? Yes, it's somebody who believes that anything is possible and we'll stop it nothing to help you go what you want. Well, I like that. I like that, and I get a lot of kind of push back from people because I help people change their life when it comes to UM fitness and their exercise routines and their diet, and people are always calling me a life coach, and I'm like, I'm not necessarily a life coach, but when you're feeling good about yourself, you start changing other things in your life. Can you explain to me about what a life coaches? Yeah, I mean I think you're right like that. We get you know, everybody's trying to decide what sector of life are we in charge of or how are we helping cause change? And I think the simplest definition for a life coach of somebody who helps you get from where you are to where you want to be, you know. And I didn't specialize in on one area, like you are so successfully helping people change their bodies and their health, and I feel like I really look across the board at all the areas of life, so that's where I might fall more, you know, effectively in that with that label as life coach, because I'm looking at stuff across the boards, from body to relationships to work to all of it. Shari, what do you think? I'm curious because you cross all those different spectrums. Underneath all that someone comes to you for, you know, something on their body, or there's something bothering them in their mind, or they want to achieve something. What do you think underneath that they really want? You know what I mean, Like, they what they think they want, and then there's what they really want. Best question ever, Yeah, I think that we were born, all of us to experience love and joy. I have never been able to get anybody to argue with me on that, because I think we all want it, you know, and we think if we make just you know, the next million, or if we use the weight, or if we you know, do all these things, that somehow will be loved and we'll be happy. I'm so glad you said that, because I think everybody listen to this. You know, there's the things you think you want, but then if you dig a little bit deeper, why do you really want them? The more you can get to the root of what you actually want, the more you can get clear on getting it. So that's that's awesome answer. You're right, because you could tick off all those boxes and still not be happy if you don't know how to get that Now. I'm way more interested in helping people crack the code on those things without having achieved the other outward staff and then know of it. Yeah, when you get that house on the see, you know, you already know how to happy with the one in town, you know, so you'll be great. And oftentimes on our route to get what we want or we think we want, we talk to ourselves so terribly. How do you teach people to up their self talk and like, what are some things that they can do to change it? That's the truth, man. I think that is where I spend a lot of time because you can like I'm doing this with a lot of clients right now setting out for twenty and designing the year and thinking about what we want and and I say to them, You've got to figure out which part of you is in charge first, Like, if I'm going to go about reaching any goal and my relationships or my worker and with my body or my well being in general, I've got to figure out what's the most resourceful part of me that when things get to us and I don't want to keep going that I don't struggle with, you know, the little girl inside, or the critic or all those different parts of ourselves that might throw us off the path. So I think we start with the negative self talk when we're really little. And it could be that we've internalized the parents voice, or we had a particular moment where there was a lot of shame or pain, and that voice becomes a way of survival for us. So we try to avoid pain by causing pain. And it doesn't make a lot of logical sense, but that's because it's in the reptilian brain, right, it's in the stress center that we developed this way of causing pain to ourselves before anyone else. Can you know? It was so good one thing about the way to ask you on that because I let you get on something huge there. You're not born unhappy, right, You kind of learn this behavior in these thoughts. And you said something so profound right there, that little girl, And oftentimes, you know, it's my my belief that you're learning these thoughts and these behaviors from things you inherited from your parents or experiences that happened when you're kind of defenseless emotionally as a child, right, And I think it's important because tell me if you agree with this, because that lets you know that you can learn your way out of it too. It's not something you were You know we weren't. You're not an unhappy person. You've learned to be unhappy. Don't you think you nailed it? I mean, the day we learned about neural plasticity was like the greatest day ever because we know that this stuff can be changed. And why the possibilitarian right, Because I know this stuff can be slipped. And it's by recognizing at first and making the choice that I don't have to buy this anymore. I'm not here to struggle. And that that voice I liken it to, like, you know, depending on when you were software, Like you've got an app on your desktop that's old and you can literally update it and decide to identify more with the voice that comes from your heart, Like your heart would never talk to you like that, so you put your hand on your heart. I don't know if you guys have heard about heart math, but it's a great hack. I'm all about little tools and ways that we can make change happen quickly and the heart masks if you put your hand on your heart and you kind of just gently push in and rub in a circle for three minutes. In three minutes, either it's a biochemical reaction that has you move right out of that critics voice, right out of the little girl or whatever part of you've been threatened, and get right back into your high self. And just three minutes. That is such a good tool. Yeah, and what if hand, what if the negative self talk isn't you, it's somebody in your life. So it's your husband or it's your boss, and they are just constantly on you and you're doing your best to you know, elevate yourself, to elevate your mood. But this person is just you know, relentless. Oftentimes my clients, that will be their biggest reason to quit because my husband isn't happy that I'm changing my life. Oh yeah, that's a rough one. You know. There's an opportunity, I think with everyone to stop and say, hey, I got I don't want to have this kind of relationship or this kind of communication isn't serving us. Do we want to do something different? And I think you know, when you get into a relationship with somebody who's also in survival mode, who's in that fight or flight, and you have to relate to them from that place. It's their communication ways, right, their tools. We could say, hey, let's take a minute, we could practice non violent communication, or I feel statements and just recognize this person is hurt and I believe hurt people hurt people, right, So if this person and it can't deal with their hurt or can't take responsibility for the fact that they're always communicating from a fight or fight place, then there's going to have to be boundary setting because you can't have somebody on one side who's doing all this hard work trying to go for the love and joy and be thwarted at all turns, you know, and not have that experience because somebody else just doesn't have the skills to treat them. Well. Yeah, I second that I asked people. I could ask that question often too. And you know, one of the things that I don't know that my wife's always agreed with all the different things I've tried to do. In fact, I know she didn't believe in them right some of them, but she's always believed in me. And I think that sometimes in these relationships, if you're getting that one, you should never tolerate it. We don't say this enough. Don't tolerate that you treat you teach people how to treat you. And the more and more you tolerate, and except that you're going to continue to get it. There's just has to be someone in this space go no, don't tolerate that. That's it. You shouldn't be with that person if they talk to you like that. And I think one of the ways that you uncover and I'm a trying to be black and white, I'm about breaking up a marriage. But one of the power questions to ask your spouse is, I know you don't believe in this program I'm on, or maybe you don't agree in this believe in this business, but do you believe in me? Because if you can't give me the y s to believing in me, we don't have a relationship. And so if you can get back to that pharament, yes I believe in you, Yes I love you, but I've got some differences with some of the choices you're making. Well, now you can have an elevated conversation, and so I think that's a powerful question. To ask somebody when they're treating you that way is just stop it. Move it off of the business or the weight loss program or the transformation you're on, and pull it back to you. Do you love and believe in me? And you'll get your answer the en. If it's a loving and believing answer, now you've got the basis to have that elevated conversation. If it's a I don't know, then you guys are in a dangerous space in your relationship and you need to be evaluating it. At least I think there's a great, you know way to just tiny shift, but it could change everything. To listen curiously, listen to learn. If your partner is getting triggered by your change, to stop and say, hey, this is bringing up for you, just get curious, and the same thing for the partner who's threatened by you making changes, to wonder and go in with. I may not agree or disagree, but that again is repilian. That's like in our DNA to just agree or disagree. It's a survival way of listening. Where I was more interested in a conscious level of listening, saying babe, what is this new program giving you? Why are you proving this change, tell me what's in it. If we can just get curious about each other, we can always stay connected. It doesn't have to be I agree or disagree. I just want to know you. And I think something that often happens when you're in a relationship for a long time, if your partner has consistently seen you not follow through, then they start losing trust in you. And I know that's actually something that used to happen with me. I used to say I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do this, and then I wouldn't and it became something where when I ended up actually saying changing my life, I know that Edwin was like, yeah, okay, sure, but I had to have enough confidence in myself to say, listen, I actually don't really care what you think in regards to this. I love you, but this time I'm for real and when you see that, you'll get on board. That's good And truthfully, it took a while. I mean I did this. I started blogging every day for a year with absolutely no reward other than feeling better and changing my life before I started a business, before anything shifted. But it's just that confidence of saying I can do this and I can do it every single day, then all of a sudden, all your relationships start to check. I totally agree with you. Yeah, and at the root of it all to you know, I think you all agree with me on this too, as long as they do love you and they do believe in you what they're really feeling most of the time. And I think if you're listening for this, you'll maybe act somewhat more sympathetically or empathetically. It sounds crazy to say, but they're afraid you're leaving them, like at the root of the root, at the root of the root, right, like if you go all the way back we talked earlier about what do you really want? More happiness and bliss. At the root of the root, that lack of support is you're leaving me. And they literally configurately mean that, like you're the person I love is changing that woman, that man's the leading me? Or maybe they're outgrowing me? What if they're better than me? And then all of their insecurities and comparison killing joy once again? Yeah, what happen? You know, we have two primary fears that were all also word with that we come in with that I won't be enough and I won't be loved And you're totally chipping that up in your partner, right, I'm curious about happy. Yeah, I mean we're both in alignment with you on that. And the thing that you do that I think is brilliant that I want to hone in because I just think it will help so many people is when you're not getting that support from these secondary places in your relationships, can you create support for yourself? So talk about strategies where you can create external support for yourself when you're not getting it from your partner. What are some of the things that you recommend somebody do to give themselves support when they're not getting it from someone else. Yeah, this is it. It's the intersection of two things, and these two things, when you can design your life around these two things, you become your highest self. So I would say most free version like most powerful version of yourself, and it's at the intersection of getting what you need and what you want what would make you happy that if you going into or any day on any day are thoughtfully thinking about asking for and getting what you need. And this goes back down like a lot of people actually don't know what they need so if I quickly break down this stems from human needs psychology and that we all have six basic human needs. And people always want to think these are Maslow's hierarchy, but they're not. It's six human needs that I swear we should have been taught when we were into the garden and would have solved a lot of problems for us. If we get these six, we are golden and everything that happens around us we can respond to from a high self place, you know, not from that fear based um side or flight survival place. So the six human needs, you can look this up or paying me and I'll send it to you. It's certainty, uncertainty, significance, love slash connection, growth, and then contribution slash celebration. So if you're thinking about those things and you're asking your partner like you know, when you talk to me like that, it doesn't give me a lot of certainty. Makes me really scared. It's so crazy that you're saying that, because not only do you say that, I just read my let's book and he says that. So guys, obviously there's something. There's something really to the magical connection here today. I love it. Would you agree with me though, if you're honing in on those six needs, because you sound like you're an expert on this too. Of all those six needs, love and connection, significance. We different people have different needs, but we all have two of them. No matter what, we all want to grow and all have this need to contribute. And one of the things that as I read more and more about you, that I love is you talking about getting outside of yourself and contributing to others is a way to find more of your own happiness and fulfillment. Correct big time. It seems that everybody who has attracted to working with me wants to make the world a better play and the zero in the top two needs, we need all six. But if you use them like radio dials, and you said, I'm just going to make growth and contribution my top two at all costs, I'm gonna go for those, you get all the others without even tract. And what do you say to people who are kind of pessimists And they're like, oh, well, if you're a life coach, then you must be perfect and your life must be great. And you know, I can only take advice from somebody who's you know, living at a ten x every single day, Like what are your answers to that? Yeah? So it's like perfect that I'm in this career because you know, you're teaching what you need to learn it usually in life, and I am like a recovering perfectionist. I grew up with parents who had really our expectations, and I had our expectations, and I got really rewarded for being amazing and you just learned. I think women are even more inclined to be people pleasers and you know, check all the boxes. And I'm just one of those higher chievers. And I literally had to take my shoulders down and like really just give myself hall passes on the daily to be human, to be where I'm at, to know that I'm figuring it out right alongside my clients and everyone else, and just enjoy, like if I'm all about the joy man, and I've got to just I allow that, you know. And so I tell people wholeheartedly where I'm at. I tell them stories all the time as we're working together, because I think we learned best by stories. And I share all the fails and all the places where I'm still learning, and I try to just you know, have like armfuls of tools that help and we practice some together. Well, I can't thank you enough. I think that our listeners are getting so much from you, and if they want to find out more, how do they find you? Oh, you're so awesome. It's just Shari Healy dot com. And I'll do a quick spell because it's sorry to about the H E R I E H E A L E Y. And I'm on Instagram as the Luminaries because I think we're all to say, giant forces of light on the planet and that's what I'm here to just remind people of. Well, thank you so much for taking the time. You're awesome, Sari. Oh my god, you guys are thanks so much. It was great talking to you. Bye. So we gotta take one more little break and then can I grow you some more? Ed? All right, So now that we've talked to a life coach, we've talked to somebody who does vision boards manifesting what they want? What is your mindset for when you set a goal and it doesn't go through. I'm very familiar with that. For me, it's usually delayed. We talked a little bit about that with Tanya, where some of them end up coming back later. Um, you know, I don't think there's anything wrong with missing a goal, right. I think I'd rather shoot for something big and miss it. And having said that, if you have a whole bunch of goals and you keep missing them, you need to shrink those goals into shorter time frames and more realistic things you achieve, right, Because the most important things you start building this reputation with yourself that you get the things done that you say that you're going to do. But sometimes the pursuit of a goal, I'll be honestly, I've had a few goals in my life before where the closer I got to them, I realized they didn't serve me. And so what Sometimes you're not going to get a goal that you've set up because there's something bigger or different that would serve you more in that moment. I'm you know, you and I are both people of faith, and sometimes our plans are wonderful and sometimes God sometimes God has different plans in our life. If you believe in the quantum field, which I believe in both, sometimes the universe is going to pull you in a different direction. As you know, different people enter your vibrational field, and so I'm open to life. I don't want everything in my life to be completely predictable. That'd be boring. And you're open to pivot. Yeah, I'm open to pivot. I'm open to surprises. And you know what, sometimes disappointment isn't so bad. What happens to us in our goals is usually a lot of times we set goals up, like when you were saying a bottom losing your weight, right, what it is, it's very painful. Here's the rub. Maybe you need to lose fifty pounds. Let's say for most people, they have that fifty pound pain. I got to lose the fifty and they lose fifteen or twenty of it, and now it's not quite so painful to be the thirty five pound overweight person, and they lose that drive and ambition. So that's why it's important to keep setting weekly and daily goals because that initial stimulus is depleted as you get further away from it. Which is why I always say it's a lifestyle change, not a diet, because I did years and years of dieting never works. It wasn't until I finally said, okay, now what I am changing my life? And now everybody in my life will know about it. I'm not going to hide it in this dark little area of my of my you know, inner being and try to protect people from it. I'm going to put it out there and that people that love me are going to go on this lifestyle change with me. One thing about you, I just tell your audience like it's super real. It's super annoying. Whether I mean, I don't live with you every day, so it's not that annoying with enough to ask godwin, but but I've I'm around you enough to know it's very real, like this is your lifestyle, you are, you know, oftentimes in any space where people are giving advice or coaching or being vulnerable, I think it's just important that I stampick. Let me tell you I'm around her, she's this way. And the cool thing about being around you because I'm also someone who kind of prides myself on doing what I say, But I do find myself behaving better in some of these areas when I'm around you or people like you, because it's like you make me want to live up to that standard that I've set for myself. So it's important and I think that goes back to what you were saying earlier. You know, like, as long as you are showing up for yourself, as long as you're surrounding yourself with people that lift you up and that you want to do better when you're around, you're setting yourself up for success. And I'm going to tell you something. It is going to take time. And you know, we oftentimes talk about the power of yes, but the power of no is also very important. Yeah, that's a fact. That's probably my bigger deal is my ability to say no. That's the thing for me in both of the know when it's good food and I want to eat healthy, but also just like in my personal life, I have a hard time saying no to people in general, like when they asked me to do things for them or a commitment that I'm making. I found lately I started to say no to some things. That empowers you too. You don't have to say yes to everybody for everything all the time. Yeah, because then if you're I know, for myself, if I say yes to something I don't want to do, I go in and I have asset and then I feel bad and then I worry about how they feel, and I'm like, you know, what. It would have been a lot better if I just said, hey, sorry, I can't do that. Um. So I have another thing that I kind of want to dig into. What is the day in the life of Ed? My life? Like I know, with myself, I'm very ritual, ritualistic. I wake up at a certain time, I journal, I work out, I make sure you know, I do my non negotiables. I you know, set my intentions for the day, and I make sure it happens. I find this is often true for most people. So we're so similar. I'm super lazy. So if you left me and undisciplined, so so if you left me to my own devices, I would be a zoo. So I had to come up. Here's here's my kind of whole philosophy. If I control the first thirty minutes of my day, and I have some control over the last thirty minutes of my day, the probability of me having some control over the middle of it is increased. So I still have lots of days that are up and down and good and bad, and every day is different. But what's never different is the first thirty minutes of each of my days and the last thirty minutes of each of my days extremely ritualized. So like when I wake up, thought about this in my book and on my podcast, But I wake up, I certainly have a prayer and meditation. Time I do a cold plunge. People ask me why do you do a cold plunge. Here's why I do. At number one, it because you flight or flight, you're completely awake and you know what. It's difficult to do. And I'm already starting my day doing something most people are unwilling to do. And in my little brain, I'm going I'm doing things other people aren't willing to do. I deserve to get things they're not going to get, So I do that. I have a gratitude exercise. Who do I love? What am I grateful for? Who loves me? I go through that, I do some stretching, and then I do my workout. The biggest change for me in to hear is I stopped checking my phone the first thirty minutes of the day. Hardest damn thing in the history of the world to do and the best thing that will change your life. Because in life, there's a syntax, there's a context. You are either someone who responds all day long or dictates and if you're a responder, you will be in the middle to the bottom of happiness in life and achievement. And when you grab your phone first minute you look at it, what are you doing responding to everybody else's demands and stimulus. You're saying, this is make me all sweaty and bothered right now. There's really nothing on your phone that can't wait thirty minutes when you wake up, even though in your brain you go, oh my gosh, everyone's dying. Because what I do is I wake up, I do my first work things, and then I go do my journal in my alone time. But I do I do feel that need to get up and get it done. By the way, for somebody else, what's the number one thing? Let's go into little Teddy's brain here her life. What the number one thing? If you could eliminate one emotion? Because I know, I think I know what it is that you have mostly that you wish you didn't have as much of What is it? Anxiety? You know it is, and that would what you would say. And part of that is when you wake up. Not to get really technical, but you're in a certain brain flow state at that time, in your beta state, which is your flight or flight? You did it since we were cave women and cave men. You're supposed to be able to wake up and what's wrong. That's the first thing you're supposed to do. And so when you combine that with grabbing a phone and then there's all the stuff you gotta worry about, you sort of wired yourself every single day for that. Yeah, so it's something to consider. It's so hard even though I'm trying to you know, I'm trying to set the tone by picking my quote or doing whatever it is that I'm doing for um, you know my clients, but I do wait to start taking care of me. So I that is going to be one of my non negotiable good Um. And what would you tell someone who feels stuck or like they're lacking any drive to make any changes, but they're stuck and they're unhappy. Yeah, that's a pattern. It's not who you are. It's a pattern you've fallen into. So that is not you. Okay, that's the most important thing to accept. You are not someone who's in a rut. You are not an unmotivated person. You're in a pattern. Okay, And so what we need to do is break that pattern. And probably one of the ways that you could easily break it the most is to begin to take control of your reticular activating system, which is what you see. Just begin to tell yourself what you'd like to see. There's this part of your brain. It's the filter for your whole life. It feels literally, it's the filter for your damn life. It's in the frontal lobe of your brain, and it's it's what. That's why I like, say you buy a brand new car, you buy a blue van. All of a sudden, you see blue vans everywhere all over the road, three lanes over go in the other direction. They were always there. Why do you see them now? Because they're in your awareness? Okay, it's uh. If you go into a room and there's names being yelled out, that's noise auditory that blends into the abyss. Unless it's your name across the room, someone says teddy, you can hear it in a room of other voices. So if you could begin to make the things you hear and see, the blue vans and your own name in your life, which is the things that you want if you and that's just by starting to really program it and really begin to think it. That's number one thing I would say to you. Start to take control of that filter. And then the second thing is this, just try to take for a minute and inventory of what your gifts are. What's something you're gifted at? And you go nothing not true. Every human has two or three of them that could be the gift for kindness, patience, honesty, integrity, intensity, your math, skills, your humor, your beauty, your intellect, whatever it is, right, your problem solving, right, your concern, you're nurturing. All of you have two or three skills. The way out of your pattern, the way to get motivated is to begin to identify your two or three gifts and you have them, I promise you, okay, and then begin to think, how can I start to use these gifts just to help other people? And if you do that, you'll get out of you and into someone else. You're into you too much, you being unmotivated. The last thing I'll tell you is the most egotistical and selfish thing you could possibly do, because it completely indicates you're all about you. And I know you're a good person. I know you don't see it that way, but if you have no motivation, no inspiration in your life. You're not about other people. Start to get into the service of other people, start to think about your gifts, start to think about how you could serve people. They're little things everybody like maybe when you get into an elevator, what if you became that person that everybody in around you anonymously you set a quick prayer for them. You just set a prayer for people, Will peace be with you in your own mind, in your own heart. You'll begin to trance and not for them to hear it, so then they can then validate for your good behavior. Yeah, no, I mean I can't agree more with you. I think, yes, I you know, originally it took me taking the steps to say I'm going to change my life. But creating this business and now watching other people change their life is the only reason I am able to continue and stay with it. Yeah, and you do. And a couple of your gifts now that we know each other, is a you genuinely love and care about people. It's it's a gift that is a gift. Most of you just slough thatt off that you have it. Not everybody's that way, folks. So if that's a gift of yours. That's a gift to take inventory. The second thing is you have a very unique based on your background. It's very unique. Your level of humility and your level of honesty are two of your greatest gifts. Teddy and you combine. You're wanting to really make a difference for other people, your humility and you didn't need to be the ways you were raised your background now with what you're doing now, and then how really brutally honest of a person you are. Those are three incredible gifts. And when you're the happiest, you're utilizing those three gifts with your children, with Edwin, with your coaching. That's when you're the happiest, and all of you will be the happiest when you identify those gifts that you take for granted because you have them, you think everybody has them, because you have made millions of dollars with them, you devalue their worth, right and also appreciating other people's gifts like what ed just did right there, not a lot of people do. So the fact that he could go out there point out my gifts without expecting anything in return, because that is what feeds him. So I think that in closing, what we can talk about when it comes to New Year's resolutions and changing our lives and sticking true to our goals. It's really just about us. It's not because it's it's not because New Year knew you. It's because you are making a commitment to you. You love your life, you want your life to be grand, and you want to be in charge of your own life. Um. Any closing remarks you have for everybody, No, I love you and I appreciate you have them here today. And if there's anything I can ever do for your audience, some kind of in service to them anytime, I can be so. UM and you guys, add my Let is like on point with like responding and his comments on his Instagram. I am extremely envious to it because I struggle there, like struggle bus Central. So honestly, shoot him a message. Um, he's ad add my Let on Instagram. You can find him anywhere. I He's one of those people that in the morning I go on, I see what he has to say and I get that little boost where I'm like, you know what, I can do this again today? Um. And then in regards to me, please get my journal because it's an easy way for you to start making these little changes. These on negotiables I talk about how to journal on my Instagram and also any questions you guys have, please send them to at Teddy tea pot. Thanks for tuning in, Thanks for listening. Subscribe to Teddy Teapot on I Heard Radio or wherever you listen to podcasts.