#119 Daddy's Got A Surprise For You!

Published Jan 14, 2025, 7:55 PM

Matty J is heading into the jungle! 

Yep! That's right. Matty J will be trading the urban jungle for the real thing as a contestant on "I'm a Celebrity: Get Me Out Of Here!" 

So many questions and thoughts...wait, how will Ash cope?! 

No need to worry about that—let’s focus on helping Matt bring home the win! 

We must first get him primed and prepped for the jungle, and what better way to do that than a food challenge? Oh, and Ash has to do it too!


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I had the most annoying thing happened to me.

What happened just a disaster.

Ash, have this a new trick that I do with the bins. They're recycling the cardboard. If you will, I will. I water it with a hose, I crunch it down.

Can I say to you that is wrong?

It worked well for two weeks and then obviously post Christmas a lot of cardboard to get rid of.

Can we stop with the cardboard?

See? I agree, get it out of here. I watered it too much, and I thought, I wonder if the water's sitting down below. And because I jumped on the bin to crunch it all down, let's bring it back in after the truck came. But at the bottom half of the bin, which just like solid compacted cardboard.

You gotta be careful too. It goes molded bucking. It's so bad for the environment. It makes the cardboard unrecyclable. If it's wet, soggy and moldy, you can't use it. It's contaminated. If you will, damn it.

Welcome back to two Dads. I'm Mattie Jay and I'm Ash. And this is a podcast all about parenting.

It is the good.

It is the bad and the relatable. And if you've come wanting advice, not from us, off.

The back of that bin story. You don't want our advice.

No, just one disaster after another. I know, Ash, Before we get into this episode, I need to get changed really quickly.

That shirts be crinkly, yeah.

Shirt, Okay, I'll be back in one second.

Yes, dear, I was born ready, my guy? What have you got for me? What am I looking at? What's with the shoes? They boots?

They boots?

My guy, you're a lollipop man, don't ahi viz Ash.

I'm going to just break the news to you quick and fast.

That's the way I like it.

Laura's pregnant.

It he's Laura prennant. No, oh, thank god, I'm.

Gonna say I'm going on a show called I'm.

You are not shut your fucking mouth right now.

It's called I'm a Celebrity. Get me out of here. Wow, this guy is going to be on it.

No, you're not.

When I'm leaving you very soon.

Okay, Well, I need to know what very soon means. I don't work on very soon. I work on dates when you're leave them, when you're going I'm.

Going to be by the time this goes to air. Shut up, I will be in the jungle fuck off, licking at zebra anus.

That I want to see you are not? Yeah, I what am I supposed to do? You'll be fine if I vote for you? Do you stay? No? I want you to come back.

Jess a producer has been she's known for a couple So you kept.

Us from me too. What else are you keeping from me?

You don't want to know. Fortnights I'm out of here. Fortnights I'm leaving.

So like you said, the this comes out, you won't be here. You'll be abroad.

I will be abroad.

Are they still going to South Africa?

Still going to I don't know the exact location. I did have to have a.

Medical and how that you're as specimens.

The annoying thing about the medical.

Is you're a woman.

No, they you know, ask all the standard questions, how old you are, how tall are you?

How old are you in circumstances six?

I said, I am one hundred and eighty seven centimeters tall, and they said, we just have to check this. If you want to stand next to the tape measure on the wall, and she goes, oh, and I was like, what's the problem. She goes, it's saying here that you're one hundred and eighty three. Either I've shrunk or some doctor measurement.

That's good.

And I said, wait there, and I like just fucking extended as much as I could. She was like, I'll give you one eighty four, and I was like, I'll take it.

So what did that make you? Six foot? You've scraped in, You're just over.

I'm flying past six foot.

Flying is a stretch. You kept it from me? Who else have you kept it from the kids. I'm not going to tell the kids smart and absent father.

I just said my plan is the morning that I leave, I'm just going to go out to the shops to get some milk.

Smart people have been doing that for generations. Doesn't seem to be causing any issues that I know of. That's my plan. Does your wife know?

Didn't go down well as you can appreciate. I wasn't sure how to like because it was just it was discussions. Ash there were discussions that nothing was locked in, you know. Her first question was how long will you be going for? And their questions that I didn't have answers to me. I was like, look, could be two weeks, could.

Be five, depending on how likable you are, Matthew.

I know, you know, it depends on how much Laura helps people vote for me.

She's like, don't vote, we need him home.

Well, she's going to manage my social media, and so I wouldn't m yeah, you need to stop sending me those Instagram posts.

Of cricket, wholesome, wholesome content. I don't send you nerds, but myself.

I wouldn't be surprised with Laura managing my socials. And obviously she does a good job by staying longer. I come out and I'm like, why I've only had one post the whole time I've been away Laura's so Laura is not thrilled about it. And like, in the same way that if Laura went to me and said I'm going into the jungle, I'd be like, what do you mean?

Like that's well was it last year of the year before she was on Dancing with the Stars and she was here, but she was so busy, and I remember that time. It was like fuck like.

But also with those like like I said, those shows, yeah you're here, you come home. I have no phone I have no way of contacting. When I go into the jungle. All I'm allowed to bring with me is six pairs of undies and two pairs of swimmers, and that is it. Nothing else luxury. You can nominate what you want to bring. So things that I've nominated a fresh live I asked for an accordion.

Do you play the accordion?

Not yet?

Do you know how annoying accordions are?

No?

So okay, So my someone got my dad one once for Christmas. And Dad plays the guitar, and he thought he could play the guitar under the according at the same time, the most annoying possible thing.

Because well, it's not the only thing I've asked for. I've also asked for.

They also said no to the acordion.

I thought this was weird. I asked for the girl's pajama tops.

That's just creepy.

Why is that fucking creepy? It's because I can snuggle with him at nighttime.

That weird guy in the corner. The smell of child.

I thought that was a sweet gesture.

The smell of my own seed?

Is that weird?

Yes?

The first two things I've asked for are a disaster. It was like it's like asking for the producers are like, what is wrong with this?

Okay, Like I have that I want Laura suck.

So I've asked for a few get to nominate a few different things. So I don't know what's been approved. So hopefully it's not the accordion or my children's dirty clothing against saying anything in yeah, yeah, like what yeah, protein bars?

How much can you feel up your owners? I don't.

They don't say. They say is the natural pocket?

That's what I'm no.

I think. Apparently, like Khan in the Chef, he smuggled in like a full set of spices, like taped to his body, like he was smuggling in heroin, so he would have been like walking in the Starfish. Apparently the thing is the best way to smuggle in any contraband is taping it.

To your body. Apparently, I told you, bro, I can't fit anything up there. Yeah, that's because you haven't trained. You haven't worked for it.

I can't even get a finger up there.

You need to train the sphincter. There's no time to be able to I've left it too late. Okay, if you don't know who you're going in with no idea, no idea. Do they give you any clues?

No, only clues that have been given are the same ones that they put out to the public, putting someone you hate. They did say who would be the one person you wouldn't want to happen there?

And I said, Ash.

Paul in Hanson, do you know I don't think I get along with her.

I think you'd hit it off.

Do you reckon?

I'm a lover, Ash, You're a lover most of the time, Matthew. But there is a time in which you you change, and that is when you are hungry.

That's my biggest fear. If I'm honest, you're like the.

Old sneakers out where it's like you're not yourself when you're hungry.

I'm not so scared about the snakes or spiders.

It's about the debilitating, honey.

Imagine if someone was cooking rice, Okay, it's the only food that we get each day, and they fuck up the rice, so they spill the rice, or you know who fucks up rice and it happens, Dude, it happens. Maybe they burn the rice because you're cooking it on an other and it's on a fire. How will I handle that type of situation, Oh, snap, you will. I will flip If that's my one bit of food, I've been waiting hours for it and I got I don't get given it. I will really struggle not to flip out.

Usually there's a chef in there.

Yes, but what if the chef leaves early. Well, you fucked exactly, Rice, exactly.

The only way you can guarantee it not not fucking up is if you just do it. But then you don't want to be the.

Guy who's like, oh it, camp bitch, you don't know what you're doing here, camp bitch.

Yeah, and then like you expect people to repay.

Yeah, I need you get jobs. So like one person's on cleaning the toilets, I feel sorry for them. You know, one person is a chef, and you know you want to you want to give people the chance.

I hope the person who's cleaning the toilets and also the chef.

I quit coffee though. Headaches, Yeah, brutal, brutal headaches. Within the first forty eight hours, I was like doubling up in the Panadol on eurof and did nothing. It was so bad. And then and then I got really really tired. We went to see Mawana too, and I was like, sat down in that seat and it was a twelve o'clock session and I already had eight hours sleep the night before. I fell asleep with the whole movie.

You're making me tired. Comfy seat though, so comfy, loud? How do you fall asleep?

I drank about five shots of coffee a day, so to not have that. He's been pretty awful.

So what clues have they given us?

Okay, so there is a stadium superstar that's you.

Of course, stadium super There's always a football player that's going to be a footy player, right, yeah, AFL stadium AFL.

It could be Who was the guy who's like a real junkie, he's like cousins?

Yeah, what is Jared Haynes? Fuck?

Radio star?

Who you think? Who think?

I thought it could have been Hughsy Hughes is.

A good one.

He's got a job, Ed Cavali. Maybe he'd be funny, also lost his job. Pop culture icon Nikky Webster, hasn't you already been in?

No Nikky, it'll be Nikky Webster, Rey Gun.

There is a headline grabbing Olympian I reckon that'll be the.

Guy who's got caught on the pul vote Welt thing.

This swimmer, the swimmer who said he'd go he go do stuff and do like the enhanced games. Oh, James Magnuson, Yeah, that's why. That's why I think it'll be Okay, football strong man. I think will be Willie Mason.

Yeah, that's a good shout. Would have to be retired because it's pre season, Yes, it will. It would have to be someone like.

Romantic leading man. You're looking at him. Nice there he is?

Do you get to choose what they say? It's like the clue. No, it's very handsome man.

Influencer with a taste for love. I think that's going to be just power.

Would you call her an influencer though it's more of a porn star, isn't she she's an influencer. She's not complaining. You're right, she is an influencer.

So a real life hero.

I didn't know I was going in real life hero. That's a good one.

Hang on, Bonde rescue, I think Maxie, although.

He just had a kid. Surely not.

I think Hopper.

Any other clues you've got for me?

A comedian?

I was thinking do they have an international guest, you know, will they have a UK TikToker?

Do you know what? I reckon it'll be UK TikToker, Yeah, because I thought it doesn't make sense to have someone from the UK on TikTok, Like no one's really going to know who is or she in Australia. So I think I saw him recently down a bold eye huh ol on Olin Teker's Yeah, could be him or James Smith the PT because he's got like two million on TikTok.

Yeah, I don't think he would do it. You don't reckon, I don't think it's really his jam is it?

Olan Teckers?

I reckon it might be Oland.

How many he's got TikTok, He's got a lot.

He's currently in England though, so he might be going straight from there. I reckon that's a good chot.

I don't know. I don't find out any of them until like we were there on the day in the Jungle two You're in. Yeah, we did a promo shoot where it was at a studio near the airport and they booked out the entire studios, eight rooms in there, and I knew that in every room was another celebrity. But if you had to leave the room, everyone there was working on audio pieces and they were saying, you're given a nickname. So my nickname was Manta. Everyone out their nickname, so like Manta has gone to the bathroom clearance please, and they make sure no one.

Saw anyone dragons headed to the bathroom.

So I don't know who's going to be until I get there on the day. So, yeah, it's happening.

So I'm pretty much got to steer the ship for an undisclosed amount of time mid February. Does this mean you're going to miss the first day of primary school? Yeah? So on this.

I don't know if you know this, but I'm I'm renovating a house currently.

Way to talk to your wife all about it.

She will show your ear off about tile selections. So we've got the house that we're juggling, so Laura is gonna have to do all that. Marley's starting school. I won't be there for her first day, which feels really strange. And Laula as well, we've just moved her to a new daycare.

Well, you are going to know what it's like to be you feel like an absent father because you will be absent.

Part of me thinks it'll be nice to have a break.

Joking as a joke. Really set some people over that one.

Up until now, I've not really been thinking about it, Like it's just been like, oh, yeah, I know I'm doing it, but it's like that's future MAT's problem. But now that it's about to happen.

And I'm just finding out, I feel, but I feel.

And also so Marley started her holiday vacation cab at school, so she's already had a little taste of what big school will be like. And Lola started her new daycare, which is just it's a lot of change, yeah, going on right now.

I'm assuming Laura, I'll just have to take the grunt of it, right Yeah.

My mom's here, which is handy, and we've got another lady who's going to help us out step in in the afternoons like Laura's. She has a daughter at like six thirty am for work.

What am I going to do? What am I supposed to do?

You just keep being you?

Who am going to talk to? No one?

I've spoken to Laura. She's going to jump in and do a few episodes.

Is she?

Yeah?

To me and your wife.

Yeah, it's been a lucky lady. It'd be fun. So she's going to step in whilst I'm gone. I don't know how long for.

I was half expeaking today. It's going to be you and Ellie for five weeks.

I wouldn't trust my mom in a room with you.

How'll be frazzled. It'll be it'll be unhinged.

You bully her too much.

I do know. Yeah, yeah, I do not.

And that's why she's not here. She was like, this is coming, so.

You've You've left it to me to keep the ball rolling. Yeap, instantly nervous about that one final question, please, I do have you are close quarters for an undisclosed amount of time we're supposed to masturbate.

It's a very good question, very good question.

I always thought that. I always thought that about every reality TV show. But it's a.

Natural part of life. And we had a final sit down meeting after we did all the promo shoots, and I'm chatting to like the executive producers of the show. All the big wigs sat down and they said, you know, we're so excited to have you on the show this season. It's gonna be a great season. You know, is there any questions that you have for us? And I'm sitting there talking to four of them and I was like, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. But I was like, but I also want to know. And the only question I had was I was like, where do you masturbate? And they were like they kind of looked at each other, and she was like, Glenn, do you want to take this one?

What now?

And they were going, oh, you know what people do ask that you know that pops up every now.

They're like, oh, you left, and they're like, be sure we want this guy. He wants his kids clothes, his wife's socks, and wants to know where to masturbate. It's a bit much.

We've just put in the predator into the jungle.

He's got these protein what's going on? They'll melt.

Luckily, there are no cameras in the toilet.

It's a designated masturbations.

So if you'd like to masturbate, they said, you know, you can do it anywhere you like.

Can I give you a tip? I thought you'd never ask masturbate into the toilet. What else you going to? It's much easier, But like what how was he going to do it? Don't do it to yourself? What it's a tip? Okay, just giving you a friendly tip.

That's like someone driving a car and you're going, hey, here's a tip, don't kill anyone.

Yeah, that's that's a good tip. Keeps everyone safe.

I'm not going to go into the toilet and then jizz on, sit down and like jiz on myself.

Why people do that?

Who is faint? If you do that?

Please let's know.

Hey, sorry, thank you?

I really should be Yeah, don't just pooh pooh my tips.

I really appreciate it.

So can you do one other thing for me while you're there? When you do go and evily masturbate because I know what you like. Please, can you announce it to the rest of the campgroup that that's what you're going to do.

I'm going to call it a jungle jack.

Yeah, just like I'm off to jungle jack everybody.

Yeah, how many jungle jacks have you had?

Yeah? Great? Make this whole thing about masturllation here first.

My aim is to get one jungle jack in every week.

One a day. There is a lot of downtime I definitely want to see on TV. You go, well, everybody, I'm after jungle Jack.

You'll just know they We're like Matt's chirpy today.

Yeah, what's his forum is bulgy? Why's it gonna come all over him?

Anyway? Act about me? About me? Thank God, it's time for some questions.

List of questions. It's my favorite.

But I've actually got one myself. That's okay. I'm going to just kick the listeners to the curb. I've got one that i want to ask you.

It's funny, I've got one i want to ask you because you have.

Like four daycares on the go at the moment, maybe five, sometimes six.

I'man enrolled to a but not me personally, but my children are.

We've just put Lola into a new daycare. We are three days in and first days pretty good. Third day, massive tears on the drop off.

It's enough. They know what's coming by the third day, you know, and like like now, like our kids are also going to go to primary school, right, They're excited about it until a couple of days in they're like, oh, this actually sucks, and it does. It does. Although now I look back as an adult, I'm like, fuck, school's best.

We sold it in as being like a really exciting change, like over the Christopher. They we're like, hey, it's a new daycare, a special daycare, new toy and she was like really she got there and she was like, this is shirt gi any tips transitioning to a new daycare. How did you go with with Macy and Oscar back in the.

Day, I would say a couple of things. One is time. It's obvious because like unless like she's complaining to you about someone's specific and it's real specific something she doesn't like, and you can be like, okay, we need to fix that. But usually they're just like I've worked out that. You leaving me here again. It's like starting again. But I would say, let's take a chapter out of our friend mister Luke's book and just do a clean snap and say there you go. Because after five minutes, bro, they're fine. Man, I don't know if they are. They are. I believe that.

They send us a photo they're like she's having a great time. She's like ah, And Laura was like, she looks like she's been crying in that photo, and I was like, what are you talking about? She did look like she'd been crying in that photo. She probably had been, and I was like, but don't send us a photo, like, don't be like, hey, Lola, what Druthers tears? Oh my god, it sucks. It sucks. It's like a good thing. I'm not going anywhere what because I am?

Oh yeah, sorry? Fuck any other tips from me? No, I Macy is going to a new day like a day care, like a She's moving on from the one that she was out going to the one that Oscar was at a bit older now. It's also cheaper, so I may have more tips after that.

Please, but yeah, you'll be all he is when I come back.

Stop reminding me that you're leaving, okay, because you're not just leaving the kids and your wife, you're also leaving me.

I'm sorry. I apologize, and I don't like it your question.

I don't like that you' rubbing it in. So my question is a pretty straightforward question. Is at what age, Matthew, do you think kids start to understand sarcasm?

Marley's just started to understand it?

No, she hasn't.

She does me, tell me she gets it. Tell me she gets it. So as an example, give me one. I think this is sarcasm. Maybe it's not. We went down to the beach and she's like, can you pass my goggles? And I say, oh, I didn't bring him, and she was like, I know you're joking. Pass him.

That's gas lighting. It's different. So she understands gas lighting. She just knows when you're lying. Pretty much sarcasm, like, h he's a good one. That young. They're so take everything so seriously. It's literal. Yes, I'll say that, April, something on your lip, like I think it.

Might be a little bit of oat from your music bar and snuck out to escape.

It's getting back in there.

It's been looking at me for a while.

Thanks for telling me.

You cannot even know.

The other day when we had the bully in it and I got the car and I was like, anyway, it's like I'll say to April, Nah, oscar doesn't like chocolate. Nah he doesn't like it.

What does he say?

Just who told you? I didn't? I too told you I didn't lie. And you're like, bro, it's called sarcasm, or like this morning I was like, I don't love you. That's not so I was saying. This morning. I was like, oh, they had their breakfast and I was like, you guys, gonna is anyone gonna eat these? I'll just to eat it. Then like they're like, no, we're gonna eat it. It's like, can you fucking relax? When are they gonna stop? Do you know what that remind those people in comments section who were like take everything so boomers? Yeah, they're pretty much the boomer child boomers.

Well, they say that life is just you know, you go full circle. So you start off as a boomer, you then mature, become normal, and then you just retract back to being a boomer.

I thought it was a Yeah, you shit in a nappy, you become a boomer than a year ago, all the way around, become a boomer again, and then you end up shitting into a n happy full circle.

It is the miracle of life, girl of life. Well, Ash, it's been a pleasure talking to you. I think my time here is done. If you have enjoyed this episode.

Just wait, yes, do you hear that voice?

Yes?

You might be wondering it is God, a new was a woman. It's just smalling here the two doting Dad's producer Maddie, you are off to the jungle, and one of the best things to come out of the jungle is the challenge around the food. Oh god, now it's not just ordinary food.

It's usually disgusting discussed. I do feel sorry for you.

I thought it was a good idea to sort of get you warmed up for it.

You've got two plates there.

I have two plates here.

I'm not going to the jungle. Let's do it.

I have two plates now, ash. I thought it would be fun to also join him, just so he's not alone already.

Can we honestly bring it?

Bring it over, Jess, bring it over? Here we go.

Jess has wind up her food eating challenge, and I don't like to look at it just walking around with it. Now she dropped it, and that works for me perfectly. Fine, she's rescued.

It is a life suggests you've given us, like a dinosaur egg.

I can't.

I just this is called a century egg.

No no, no, no, no, no no no, I can't.

All right, guys, is it boiled or something? You're supposed to take off the shell and then go for it.

I can't. I can't.

I can't.

Come on, this is warm up.

I can't.

If you can't do.

This, I can't. I can't even look at it eat it, eat it, Ash, have a bite, have a butte. I can't bite it, bye it Okay, it just smells so bad.

What does it smell like?

Smells like just bad feet, bad feet of that's been decaying for sweating.

Ash always makes out as if he's like the tough guy, but then you realize that you can't eat a black egg.

Go.

It smells like an old pond, you know, like come across, like someone's got an old pond in the back. Yeah, like a marine. It's got a marine smell about. See.

The thing is with these eggs, you're not supposed to eat it the way that you're about to eat it. You're supposed to slice it up and put it into other things.

I can't. I can't do it. I can't.

Guys, both of you need to go for it at the same time.

I can't do it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it.

You have to do it.

I don't have to do it.

I don't produce that.

I have free will. Matt, don't. Don't.

You don't even know what it tastes like, what if it tastes a mate?

It's so salty, So Matt lost, I'm so sorry. I'm out.

You didn't even go for it.

I can't.

It's like biting into pure mold. Look at it. But I'm not the one going into the jungle, and I still have it at least bitter.

Okay, so Matt's about to take his bye. Come on, man, if you can do this, you can do anything. I reckon you'll win.

But you.

Do it.

Go Oh man, oh that much other psycha dict than.

It stinks like an old pond. Oh my god, yess.

Okay, Well, now that you've had your dinner, it's time for dessert. You're a bit worried about you, Matt. I don't know if you'll be able to survive the jungle. Straight into the bin, they go.

Look, I think if you are hungry enough, you eat that.

Very true?

That was that foul.

All right, I've got another plate for you. Are you ready?

Jess?

What's this? What is this?

What do you think it is?

Fish?

It's ill? I think you should both do it together. Ash, how are you doing?

This?

Is not going to go as a man who doesn't have seafood for Christmas?

Yes, well maybe we'll have eel from now on three two one. That's actually pretty good.

I don't know about Ash though, guys, he's not doing very well. I didn't he was brought up by chicken nuggets, wasn't he.

It's nice. I like that.

Matt's okay, Matt likes it.

I think it's pretty good.

Ash.

Try it again. It's a bit like hat food.

Do you think you'll be able to have the food that's on off for it? I'm a celest No, not at all.

I am absolutely one fucked in the jungle.

I'm so glad. I'm not going all right.

Ash, Let's get out of here, Jess. It's been a pleasure. If you've enjoyed this episode or any.

I haven't, my bloody well have, please subscribe, review and leave us some comments, and also follow us on social media.

These videos of us eating will be online. I will see you guys after the jungle. We luck, good luck, miss good riddans, I say goodbye, bye bye bye.

MC two.

Doting Dance Podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.

We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander peoples Today. This episode was recorded on gadagle Land

Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

Two Doting Dads is a podcast series that follows the parenting escapades of two good mates, Matty J  
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