#114 Merry Christmas! The Gift That Keeps on Giving (Best of 2024)

Published Dec 24, 2024, 6:00 PM

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Thank you for sticking by us all year...it makes Ash's Grinch heart pound. 

Here are some of our favourite moments from 2024 as is an extra gift for you! 


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I just want to say a big merry, merry, merry Christmas to everyone out there right now who is listening to this podcast. What a delight, what a treat, a great Christmas present. My assumption is that they're listening to it on the way to Christmas lunch, yes.

Because I mean there's a lot of driving that does happen on Christmas Day for.

Parents drive safely. Or maybe they are sitting there in a room currently by themselves and they wants the company, and that's why they're listening to us, and that's just sad. And if you're those individuals, we hope you're having a fantastic time by yourself. What are you doing, Ashni? We look, we have pre recorded this currently, we're at my house. We've just opened our Christmas gifts that were delivered to us by our producer Jess. I have an olden spoon. I have Larry the Ladle. After this we will whip each other. Larry the later looks lethal very good. We actually wear in need of new spoons. So timing wise, this is perfect. But we thought, rather than not give you an episode, because obviously Christmas today is it's a Whens day, we thought we'll give you a best of.

A twenty twenty four best of at that. Yes, yes, well said, Yes, Well said.

The hardest part is it's like trying to pick your favorite child. Our favorite stories from the last twelve months. They're all good, they're just I mean, we had a couple of rough patches, but nine is just it's just impossible to pick, you know, because we could do an episode that's what like twelve hours long, three days long, Yeah, but we we thought we'd do it like forty five minutes. Yeah.

So we've hand picked some of the best moments from Jess has done the work. Yeah, I know that produces other work.

Thank you, nothing, thank you. She's kind of staring at us with disapproving eyes, being like, oh, it's so hard picking the favorites. We've been here for hours, days going through the library of content.

Some of my favorites, Matt was I think there was one where you brought in a present you got for Lola.

Was it a soggy dog y doggy? Ye doggy? I mean, I can only imagine how many soggy doggies are being handed out this morning, and how many kids will be bitterly disappointed with how shit that toy is.

And no very good marketing for that toy all marketing. That's the classic promise the world and Hannah and Antlers.

Can I ask, because we will talk about your tooth the extraction. How is the tooth right now? Still not there? No tooth? Can you show me? Open your mouth? Oh god, yeah, I want a gold tooth next year? How much does that cost? Millions? Surely you get that in Do you have insurance yet? No? Sorry, stupid question. Would I have insurance? I don't know. Because you're falling apart. I am falling apart. We also speak about falling apart.

We also spoke this year about my indulgence at the Easter Show.

How I set.

Myself a task, absolutely everything that I possibly could.

So we really hope you enjoy this best of also enjoy the rest of your Christmas Day and Christmas break much love all of our listeners out there. Yes, ho ho ho, and enjoy. That's as merry as I can be.

Yeah, I for one, at the moment, would love to ship myself. I'm extremely constipated, and that's because of all of the coding I have been taking for from a sore tooth.

What is the limit. What is the maximum length of time one person can continuously take coding?

Well forever, I guess I know. Here's there's the thing.

I went.

I went to the dentist as we know last week, and he gave me some codeine to band aid the paint.

The dentist gave you coding. He gave me a script. Did they do that? Obviously they are Again.

I went to well the chemist willingly gave me the from the doctor scripts. He was like, hang on a second, this is from a dentess and it said one at a time. And then the chemist said to me, you can take two at the time. It's fine, And I was like can. The amount of coding they gave me was for to band aid up until the extraction.

I went through it in about three days because I.

Was in that much pain. Yeah you were, you called me wailing on the phone.

And now I have an addiction to prescription painkillers. No, but I was like, oh god, I'm gonna need some more. And I was like, you know what, I'm going to try and get this tooth out. Earlier rang them up and they had a cancelation.

I just love I love that the only people who can help you were those who have been beaten down by ash Wicks for such a long period since they started this podcast, and they've been copping shot after shot after shot from you, and now now you're on your hands and he's begging. It's a credit to their public service.

They could easily just be like, no, this guy obviously doesn't know about that, so foolger.

Now I'm like, you listen to our podcast. Yeah, He's like, what do you do? And You're like, oh, we have a podcast. It's all about how great dentists are. What was the problem with your tooth? It was a I don't know, it just hurt a lot. There's an old feeling tooth that was so I heard a lot. It was dead dying.

No, it was it was irritating the nerves underneath it.

Right, So the options, the roots options were root canal too expensive.

He sat me down, He turned the lights off, he turned the lamp on my face.

He said, how badly do you want to keep this tooth?

I said, I'm not that attached to it, to be completely honest. It's attached to my head, but I'm not that attached to it emotionally, So let's remove it. But because I'm such a scady cat. I was like, can we somehow knock me out? He's like, no, May, it's going to cost you like three or four times, way more than be such a scaty cat. Let's just rip it out of your head. So you go in and take these three sleeping tablets. I don't know this is legal. I don't know whether these dances is really shifting in his garage, I mean his basement.

I'm tired up. I was coming out. I got no pants on them. It's necessary.

And yeah, I think like it's like, doesn't put you to sleep, but it makes you been out of it.

I was pretty out of it.

I was really enjoying it, and I actually fell asleep.

Let the lead up, and then they woke me up.

I was like, anyway, so they had to take the tooth out because it was like, unless they were to do the root canal, I'll try and save the tooths.

Best to rip it out now I'm going to be holding my head. May I ask you just really quickly, did you get any second opinion from April in regards to saving the tooth or losing the tooth?

N she said, get it out. She wanted to get me complaining. She's honestly so over it. She was at the point where I like, oh, she was like no, actually that's right. I was in bed and I was like, oh god, I can't get up my mouth, just like you can't decide when it's too sore to get out of it, or when it's too short not to get out of it.

So get out of it. And I was like okay. So managed to squeeze.

In on the Monday, which is two days ago, and I do have a present for you.

Please are you ready? Oh?

It's so big it is my tooth.

I want to put it as a necklace.

I was thinking that money to clean it first. Probably, God, it's so long, it's that long tooth. Anyway, there's a hole in my head now, oh so long? Dude, Hang on a second. There's a big black mark in there, isn't there? What's your professional opinion what that fucking guy is?

Yeah? Pretty bad? What's the black stuff mean? There's a little bit of good in all of us? Yeah? So do you want to keep it? I don't want to take it too. No, it's yours to keep. You'll never ever forget me, Thank you, You never forget.

Whenever you're facing yourself with the decision, look to the tooth. Hold the tooth, hold it, look to it and go what's the right move here? And the tooth will tell you. I attended the Easter show with my children. I did notice that I also took my sister and my niece.

Oh you took the full family. Yeah, how do you go? Big?

No?

Good? It was actually good. They do a very good job out there.

They do it very were the kids excited, they know it excited. So the night before got YouTube out to.

Highlights of last year's Easter Show just to get them pumped up. So they were happy. They were already rare and go. Now. One person who was not behaved was me. Take yourself back to a couple of days ago where I said I need to fix this rig. Yeah, you sent me a photo of your backside and you said I need to fix this, and I said, you look great. You don't need to fix anything. We've had quite a fun month, let's say, a fun month of the trip to Vegas, full of.

Burgers, the cans again, chippies, pizzas, pizzas, beers, sounds.

We've been living the good life. And I said to you much was a dangerous month.

Yes, yes, And I said, look, I've got like a month between now and when I've got some other stuff on that I that I want, you know, I just want to like.

Fix the rig.

So I went into the Easter Show eight before I left the house, ate something quite healthy, like some eggs and protein and blah blah blah, get ready to do some kilk kilometers.

And it's like when you go to the zoo. As soon as you get there, your legs.

Hurt and you're hungry immediately. It's like when you go to the shop, something to do with the lights. I get hungry. I'm like, I want a kebab. I want to Ali Barber kebab. Immediately in my mouth and those chips. That's it. Quit the record. We're going to Ali Baba.

And I was like, okay, I'm not gonna I'm not going to eat too badly until I wore literally physically walked in and I was like.

Well, I'm just fucking starving. Now it's ten thirty in the morning. Now I just want to run you through my BASI was like patting a little pig lit and You're like, just we hadn't got to it.

We hadn't even got to the It was literally the first food truck.

As soon as I walked in, I was like, oh, spoken like a true dad.

We'll get through what I ate over the course of the day, you mind you. I was home by four pm, so ten thirty to four pm.

This is what was on the menu for Ashwell, okay, here we go. First thing to start.

With the little coke zero, right, you love a coch.

Just like wet the palette.

Wet the palette, but alongside that, cleanse the palate, alongside zero Schnitzelberger. Next thing, Dagwood dog German sausage, Jesus homemade lemonade, A large one.

Okay. Then I finished that off with a bit of ribs. Whoa like half or what how many ribs? We talking? That's half rack of ribs. I'm not judging, okay.

Chicken skewers, Sartae, chicken skewers, the extra sauce they're lovely.

That was delicious. Corn on a stick. You've got tymes too.

You've got a chip on a stick times two fairy floss on a stick. Also gosly may donut on a stick, followed up by another goslet may a meat one this time, because the veggie one was very good. The meat one awesome. Finished off with some ice cream, an ice cream Sunday to be exactly a flake one with extra sauce, and then I finished Oscars ice cream.

Grand total, it's about two hundred and thirty something dollars worth of food that I ate at the Easter Show. Oops. I literally could not stop eating.

Remember we're coming back from Vegas and you're like, fucking hell, you've.

Eaten all days. It's all you've done. There's two modes with you. You're either fasting. You'll have like a drink in the afternoon and that's all you have for the entire day, or you're just this machine tuning, just opening the dollar and just letting everything come in.

I pretty much did the Easter Show tour of food trucks.

Did April say anything? Was she? She wouldn't dare anyway. So when you say you finished Oscar's ice cream, is that because he couldn't finish it or you were just like I was like, I say you go. He left it out.

Also, he can't work out the structural integrity of ice cream, Okay, on a cone Okay, if you're eating a cone, you need to lick around it to keep it standing tall. He can't quite work that out, tries to lick the top falls over. So I was like, you know what, I've taken that and finish the ice cream.

Now I know that I'm not the only man to eat his way through the Easter show like this. I guarantee you and I saw it.

There were dads everywhere walking around pulling those trolleys that had pre made lunches and stuff in them for the kids and whatever. But Dad's hoing into a dagwood dog. I got a jumbo Dagwood dog. Thing was fucking huge. It was like that big.

How many inches? Well, boast of how many inches I have? I would say it's similar to about twelve to thirteen inches. I don't know. It was big, full of better full of Tomo sauce. Do you know what? Sometimes you just need to treat yourself. I also had a hot dog, but I just remembered anyway, all the vendors there are like, we've had record profits.

You know, who has a truck there? Chebo has a truck there?

Who's that again?

You know Chebo does the burgers but I I messaged in the say and I'm coming to see and he was like downed more I couldn't find him, So they're stilling business.

I'm just imagining like they do the Parade of animals, like because the cows are on show and I'm just sitting there with a knife and that's like you're like walking onto the pitch and they're like, who the hell is this guy? And you're just like gnawing on a live cow. Just I got one for me and one for milk. Where's my prize, daisy? Hell yeah. Anyway, other than that, each the show was very good.

Kids fell asleep in the car at the most awkward time on the way home, so they were up all night.

Probably I'm so tired still two days later. That explains a lot that does. But hey, from this moment on and again, you don't need to fix anything. Nothing's broken. But you've had You've had your fun. Now it's it's time to knuckle down. I'm getting fat shamed.

In my own No, no, not here, I'm getting fat shamed.

I'm glad you had fun. Honestly, the most fun I've had in a while. The food, Oh.

I knew I was going to fail. As soon as I walked in, there are you going back? And the first thing, I'm just going back for food. I'm going back for lunch. Peddy couple, welcome down the street, Petty couple.

They kind of like with met couple. I love you, but immit you, no.

One can push me quite like you.

As the first one to hear is from t J. Spelt t E space. Do you not know there's a quicker way to spell that. I love words. Marley's learning how to spell right now. Words like TJ. They're fantastic, very easy, very easy for young minds. It's just too well said. TJ says. My husband did one of the few loads of washing he's ever done and hung it on the line. Well done, well done, round of applause. That's great, bar so low, that's so good. Good to see him doing his fair share. Not fair share. But is it he's on the roads. It is, she says. I noticed it was still in the line the next day and reminded him to bring it in. The reminders continued over the next couple of days. Those clothes and towers remained on the line days she says, yeah, And I don't know if she's embellishing the story, TJ. TJ, I don't want to call you a liar, but this is this is a bit far fit. She's saying. Cut to ten months later. No, ten months. They weren't out there for ten months, that's what she's saying. TJ says it must be true. He finally took them off the line ten months later. She says, I looked at them every single day. Out of sheer pettiness, I refuse to bring them in. TJ. You've done the right thing here, You've done the right thing ten months.

That's more than a pregnancy. Oh that's pretty petty, TJ. I will say they're probably his clothes too, like that's probably why she's left it, if it was anything important of hers, I guarantee TJ's got that off.

Also, like the one time he finally does the washing, he just does his clothes and not hers.

So who's the pew on here, Matt, I've got one from Gemma.

Jemma says, sharing a bathroom.

With my husband is so annoying. Separate bathrooms. I'm with you.

If he shakes too vigorously and sprays his piss on the floor, I use his towels.

No.

Oh. She also goes on to say the same applies if he gets water all over the floor because he's incapable of using a bath map properly.

Oh my, so it still goes.

She then says, sometimes I watch him drying his face and creep.

But you've got to kiss that face.

She doesn't have to, bro, she doesn't have to. I hope he's not listening. He's got to get his four skin checked. And it's not his problem. He's got a sick skin. That's great and I love them. Keep them coming in.

Wow. You can send them to hello at two Doting dads dot com.

Or you can DM at two Doting Dad's the Instagram page and.

We will try and it around to all of them.

There are lots because people are out there being petty makes the days go by.

I love how all these men are just completely oblivious to what's happening around them, wiping their face like town smells a bit weird. Why does my towel smell pissy? Anyway? Anyway, it must be me back.

On Christmas really quickly? Did your kids get any presents that you thought? Why the funk would make someone buy this for my kid.

No, most of the toys were pretty good. Laura put on a pretty good spread for the girls toy wise, they got a last minute effort like that, you know, even you know how it is when we got all the toys sorted. We go into the last few days leading up to Christmas with the pressure taking off our shoulders about worrying about gifts, and then Marley would be like, actually, you know what I want. I want a Gabby dollhouse doll and we're like, oh shit, and then Laura would run back to Kmart and get that sorted. The gift that they liked the most was the cheapest one, which was a lip gloss, like of everything, of everything we gave the girls, like once they were all opened up all the presents, yeah, it was the lip gloss that they liked the most, which is like a couple of dollars. I can't find any of the toys that we got.

Oh yeah, they're like I know, like I got.

Oscar, a remote control car, like a hobby it's not a hobby grade one, but it's like close. It's like eight year old class And I was like, what's the worst going to happen? Straight away crashed it broke, it threw it out straight away.

That's just Christmas.

But also like aunties and uncles and grandparents, they always seem to give like a present and then a little chocolate with it, and they're more interested in the little chocolate.

Yeah.

I found myself just been going no, look at the big picture here, Look what you've been giving there like oh.

It's like, oh my gosh, come on man. The only gift that was a bit of a fail was it was from Laura, the gift of love.

Oh hello, soggy doggie. Soggy doggy. Soggy doggy sounds like a sex position. Looks Have you ever tried this soggy doggie?

It looks fun, doesn't it. Look at him? Look at him, soggy doggy there. Look how happy he looks. And the kids are having a great time as well. It's in French. It's yeah, English and French. Apparently the French love a soggy doggie that we all, I thought they'd like it more. Froggy style. Soggy doggy style two million units sold around the world, so that you know what, So just keep in mind that's what soggy doggy looks like on one of the box.

I think, look, products that put their achievements on the box, we get it.

Don't be a wanker. Don't be a wanker. This is soggy doggy.

Hang on a second, get that box back up. Look how big that is? What's the deal with the box being so big? And well do you fill the doggie up or something? So you pack it out? This is.

That's that's that's soggy doggie. Oh my god. And keeping in mind, you know, I had to bill that it doesn't look like much.

But I thought that that was the at home bathtub and that's a big soggy doggie.

That's like. So the way it works, you meant to roll the dice and then it's build as being the like gateway board game for kids. You know, you don't want to go straight to Monopoly. You want to go with Soggy Doggy first, and then from there you build into other games. It's really easy. It's fun, and you meant to roll the dice and then you push the handles and there's a like a tap thing that's missing, but with every roll of the dice, it squirts some water and then you don't know what it's going to happen. Soggy Doggie starts to shake and it like and that's it.

Yeah, well, soggy doggie, you're a disappointment.

The kids. We played it and the kids were like, is that it? Yeah?

That sucks, And I was like, Laura, but then you get to wash the real dog.

Matt wants other non sexy things that you do that your partner finds as a turn on.

I've got a great list here, Ash, you got a list. I've got a list because I put the call out to people who listen to the podcast to get their answers. But for me, I've said this before many times, any domestic work around the house chalk play turns Laura into a horn dog, in particular doing the dishwasher and washing the laundry. Ah. I don't do it as much these days, but if I was to get the mop bucket out, be careful. She will rip my clothes off. That's the only reason why I don't do it afterwards. But hey, what's it? What's it for April? What does she love?

Oh that's a very very very good question.

I don't know what she likes. No, same thing.

I think if you get if your elbow deep in a toilet, the sexy you are, I mean, I like.

Elbow deep in something else later on. Cleaning seems to be the common can senses. But I've got a little list here as I know you've got it for yourself. So maybe we can just give like some sexy music right now to really set the move.

Oh yeah, let me just turn something on really quickly.

Oh okay. When he wears his hat backwards.

Oh that was a big trend for a while.

That's that is pretty sexy. I'm just going to say Laura does like it. I guess when he rolls up his sleeves, yeah, it means business is about to happen in business times, like when the sleeves roll up, you know, sh it's about to go down.

There is a lot of cleaning. There's some just some nice ones. I would say that's just like being a nice person, which is like running me a hot bath just for no reason.

Gives you an indication of how low that bar is. Where it's like if someone just ran me Abarth did the bare minimum, I would love him.

Just when one here is just like just be competent for the whole day.

This is a niche one. She says her husband created a cracker for a stock whip out of a plastic bag.

What she loved it? Oh my goodness, good enough. My last one's really really simple. It's just getting a pay rise.

I don't know if April ever loves this, but this one says when he puts his hand on the passenger headset and reverses the.

Yes, I remember because back in the day, when I was a child, this is how I was conceived.

I reckon.

There was no reverse cameras, and that was the go to move.

I reckon. I reckon. Dad's like and the feel of it, even if you're slided in between Sam also wearing anything gray great sweatpants, you've got to have a decent sized cock for that. I don't even know about a great sweat Here when he's on a work phone call and he uses his professional voice.

Because your voice changes so much when you just like chatting to her mate, chatting.

To her or him, and then you're back into it, like we'll just circle back to that. It's like circle back, circle back on this. Well, wasn't that a lot of fun? Anyway? If you're thinking maybe I could give Matt Nash a little present yes you can jewelry. We will accept cash. We'll leave up bank details in the show notes. But for those of you who don't have any spare cash, we would love a little review. It would just that would make our Yeah, five stars would be great. Leave a little comment in there, or join us on socials. That'd be enough. That'd be gift to know. It's not I want both, Okay, we want it all. I want. I want to review. Don't be dingy, give us a follow and then never marry Christmas by.

Two.

Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.

We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land.

Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

Two Doting Dads is a podcast series that follows the parenting escapades of two good mates, Matty J … 
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