#113 All I Want for Christmas is Sleep

Published Dec 17, 2024, 6:00 PM

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Ho Ho Holy Crap, it's almost Christmas, and while Matt and Ash are nowhere near ready for the big day, they are ready to clock off for the year. 

But before that happens, Ash complains about how the cicadas are pissing all over him, Matt has had a really tough week of dad duties, and the boys share Oscar and Marlie's kindy graduation. 

Plus, we tackle your questions!

  • When are siblings too old to bathe together?

  • Do you have Elf On The Shelf? 

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Do you know what I'm about to buy? What's that? Okay? Okay, I don't know how you'll take this news. How many houses? How many houses you're buying? Shut up?

I'm gonna buy some loafers, like leather loafers.

Like dress loafers around the house. Loafers like dress loafers. I think I'm their black leather, shiny yeah, low front. Yeah. How do you feel about that?

I just feel like that's like the next step for me, next step in.

What who I am?

The evolution, the evolution of me.

I don't have a problem with them. I don't have a problem with them. Well, clearly you fucking do with that time No, no, no, no, no no. Could you see me in a loafer?

Our producers put up as he's getting closer to forty.

Welcome back to Two Going Dads. I am Maddie Jay.

What do you say? I say? And I'm ash. This is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad and the relatable.

Getting foot cramp, get some loafers, bro, excuse me if you do get loafers, get a shoehorn.

No, I feel like shoehorn is you know?

They say the bigger the horn, the bigger the man.

But if you get it.

Also, if you get a shoehorn, you get a big one that you don't have to you could be standing up.

Yeah that's what mean.

Yeah, you a real big one because you can't bend over down there anymore.

You could get that for me. For Christmas? We are are we getting each other?

We could do a secret center.

I know who gave it to me.

Of you we're having for those wondering, we are having a Christmas party. I'm excited because I've never had a Christmas party at work, Christmas party ever since like eight years ago.

Wow, yeah, I'm not that's sad. Oh one man band, one man band. Yes, there's a few people coming.

Could do, could do a secret center, could do, But it's fucking Christmas.

Ash. I'm not a for God's sake, I'm not a fan. I do it for the kids. What's it not to be a fan of? What is the problem.

I think it's all a big waste of money, money making scheme. It's a coup ess as writing one notes in a book, See I didn't realize the Christmas greench she was joining us today.

Thank you for having me.

I was talking about this with April today, but I just I don't know.

She was like to me, you gotta remember it's not about you the kids. She's one hundred percent.

And I said, I agreed. I said, yeah, I'm sorry, but I do.

I'm not going to lie to you. I love it.

Will you buy April anything? We did a scene where it's like twenty dollars each?

What do you buy like a pack of tim tan No.

No, it's it's it's kind of like how creative you can get with that twenty dollars. So I think, like last time, I got like this sloth mug and it with little things that she uses all the time, like a little lip balm, a couple of the things that she uses on her day to day, like a new.

Toothbrush because their breaths doing like a like a little like she loves travelsopes. She's a weirdo as in like you take them from hotels or yes, But like it's how creative you can get with that twenty dollars. I love that. It's about the thought that we can apply that same.

What are you guys doing just buying each other new cars, houses and boats or helicopter each?

No? I've requested a new skateboard. Oh, that's right from where.

There's a little skate shop down the road. So it's on the one hand, yes, I'm itching towards forty with a pair of loafers, and on the other hand, I'm staying in touch with my youthful side with a new skateboard.

You should get a pair.

Of Globes or Ethny's or Osiris, chunky fucking things. Now we're the Vans. Why don't we hear the loafers? Why do you wear the loafers on a skateboard?

Give me that guy through Bonday. I don't want to Here comes Maddie Jay.

It's not the sound that I make when I skateboard. Also, that's like a Batman noise.

Also on the scale of superheroes, Batman is pretty shit. What's going on with your week? Big guy? How come you're so stressed out? Why am I stressed out? Can you tell me? Man? Do you know what? Actually? What is it? Ash? Okay? The cicadas, let me just give you a brief overview. And you've heard them. We've all heard them.

There's news articles out about the soicadas this year.

If anyone is not familiar with the sound of the cicadas. We're just going to put in a little snippet of what it sounds like from your balcony. Yeah, it's stephening.

And that's because there's two species of cicada's fighting for territory.

This year didn't no devil atton brother was here too, grosser is fighting for its mate.

And it's like the out of they are, and the more pissed they spread, like the more dominant they are. I don't know I made that up, but I know they're fighting for territory.

I haven't heard the piss story. What's the piss about?

It's just they just piss everywhere to what I don't like a dog. Yeah, I would say.

To Mark territory. You walk out in the front of my house. But I told you get to the car. It's like you're saturated and you're getting you're getting pissed on, get pissed on.

Yeah, so last week was a bit as you can remember the way you like that at all.

Well, if you got something in the car one second April the car April's like where the ash. I don't appreciate your judgment. You're judging me.

I'm not going to kink shame you.

You're kink shaming me.

Do you want to get pissed on by Sicanda? It's like all the power to you.

It's refreshing anyway.

Anyway, Neighbors are like, oh make it the.

Driver spinning around? Oh god, why has that man got an erection that his house?

It's last week was a bit sunny, rainy, sunny, rainy, bit like that sort of weather.

So I kept walking outside.

Sitting on your balcony with a cigarette.

Fem, guy's gonna stop doing this to me that one? Sorry, sorry, sorry, Yeah, very hot. So I didn't know if it was raining or I was getting pissed. I was getting that finished the story and.

Look, as you saw, it's really loud, but it's also sparked the attention, not the piss the bugs themselves.

Is it a bug in the insect? I fuck?

I think so, I think I would. I would put money on the fact that that would be an insect or a bug.

The kids have are drawn to the cicadas because they also come out of the ground.

They hatch out of a shell. They leave the shell wherever they've hatched. Love the shells.

I love collecting them. But They also pick up the dead ones, which is great. Not I've got containers full of them at home that the kids have filled up. Good containers too, Not these shit takeaway ones. Good tupperware, like not the streets ice cream.

No fucking hell, holy shit, there's a lot of cicadas.

Very good. How long are you going to keep the cicadas for?

I keep throwing them out because they attract ants. Where do you put them in the I put them in the back of the bush or when.

The kids sleep with the sicanda noise going on in the background.

Because at night it really calms down. Of course, the hotter it is, the louder they are.

But they what they do also is they sync up the noise, so it's it starts to get louder and louder, and then it.

Starts to go like like like they.

Sync up together. And you know when you're in a car and you open.

One window and it's like it's like that in your head and you're like so ome, we're all fucking going crazy. But shut all the doors. It's like thirty degrees so stinking hot in my fucking haut.

What was the decimal reading? You put one hundred and five. You measured one hundred and five hundred and five on the decimal meter.

And remind the people listening what causes damage.

Anywhere between eighty and one hundred and ten. So I'm nearly at the threshold of it being dangerous.

Well, like, what are you going to do? How long does it last for?

I don't know, I don't know. I told you I'm gonna have to move. I think, like, they don't last that long, and then then they fibernate.

Although I have this vague memory.

It's funny because the seasons they go for just long enough you forget what it's like when summer comes around and you're like, was this always the case?

Yeah?

Always like this, because I haven't When I was a kid, I lived in the suburb believing now, and I remember they were really bad then, and I've forgotten.

It's like when we moved to the Gold Coast, we moved near the airport and all I could hear was the fucking aeroplanes. I was like, how are we going to live here?

And then people had come over and be like, is that aeroplane noise annoying? You're like, whatever, you just forget.

Yeah, So come January when I'm like, ash, how the fuck.

Do you live like this? I'm like what? And that's the joke? Like, and I also at home, Ape was like, hey, can you take the rubbija?

I like, got Herebey, Sorry you have you do talk quite loud like you And I keep waking up with a sore throat and I don't know why because I'm trying to talk over the soicada.

You're going to say because the sicandages in your ear, all that cicarags, I'm out.

Anyway, the kids are obsessed, and so much so that Oscar the other day came home bragging about the socadas you've had found in a container. I thought they're in the container, lid's on, not my fucking problem, put it outside.

And then he's gone.

Last week Ap was in the city lot, so I was running around the house when they when they would go to bed and clean up before she gets home, make sure it's acceptable. And I've picked up his school bag and I've opened the school bag full of a live cicadas and it just went.

And stop and I'm like flip.

Literally, it was like the plane got attacked by them, and I'm like trying to swap them out of the fucking house, and all I could hear is the kids going.

What's happening at there? And I was just like nothing.

I Mean, the good thing is Oscar's not scared of them.

I don't know how they got in there, because he's always like, look at this a live one, you get it. I'm like, no, may maybe she might be the culprit. But they were in there zipped up.

That's weird, I know. Also I went to bring the washing down and weird washed one of Macy's cot fitted cheese so quite small, and I went to take it off the wine and one had been caught in there and just attacked me in the backyard. Anyway, I'm traumatized a fucking night.

Then I want to ask you about graduation in just a second, but before we do that, I want to just get your opinion on something that happened last night.

You know, I called you when I was.

Driving and I, oh, you're on the way to the I don't know if it's the fact that it's end of the year. I don't know, like what's going on. My kids are being so freaking naughty at the moment. Like even daycare was like, oh, Marley's been a little bit tricky. She's not listening to anything we're saying.

Do you think it might be end of term fatigue? That's what I was thinking.

I was like, maybe it's just but I guess they don't really have like a big it's fucking daycare. They're doing fingerpainting.

What's it take?

You got to think, like they've been to they're here, they would do what they want to do kind of hear in terms of play, but they're they're trying to keep everyone uniformed and in control, and they're like, come on, we're going to do this now.

And sometimes I like, what fucking It's just.

The weekends, Like weekend just gone was one of the most unenjoyable good parenting. It was just me too. It was just add zero patients.

We actually funny you say that because we were at my I was at my house and I had some friends over with their kids and a friend Miles, who doesn't have any very much, doesn't have any kids, very single, and.

He was like, is there every off switch? Does this ever end?

They would just fucking one would break down and then like want to do something naughty? Then want to punch it up?

They just know.

I think they know. I think subconsciously they know. Okay, it's coming to the end of the year.

The Christmas bribes are not working for me this year.

I don't know.

It's like it's it's a tricky it's a tricky time of the year. Maybe I'm fatigued and I'm just taking it out of my kids. But last night, okay, last night, Laura had a work phone call come through. She had to grab that. I was putting the kids in the bath.

Terrible time for a phone call.

I mean, did she have to take it? Could she have pushed it back half now?

Who knows?

Yes, the answer to who knows. Anyway, she had to take the phone call, and I was like, I'll put the kids in the bar. I left it too late. It was seven o'clock and I was like, OK, guys, we're gonna wash our bellies and they were like fuck off.

And I was like tell.

They were like nah, but like not keen. And I was like, we'll brush our teeth first, not keen. Every time I came to the smooth brush, Lola was like swatting me away, and I was like, we need to we have the sugar bugs like I was just trying every direction of like who can brush the teeth the fastest? Nothing was working. I just wanted to get them in and out. Every time I kind of like tried to wash one, they would like scurry away, and I was like, do you know what, Like I've tried for ten minutes now to try and gently encourage them to get on board and do what I want to do. I'm just going to fucking pin down Mali, like I'm not a sheep.

Well, you know how you.

See them like the ship, they like dunk him in like a liquid when they have to get like.

Before they light them on fire. Yeah what sorry, they dunk.

The sheep and like a liquid and it gets rid of the pests.

And oh anyway, I thought, man like pinned down well to the.

Send like shearing a sheep anyway, So I was like gently I pinned her down. I just I grabbed her. I had some Yeah, I was trying to wrangle her.

I just washed her. She was screaming because she's like I don't want to be washed.

It was like whatever, grab Lola just like brush his heath and she was like squirming around.

I just just like I'm just gonna do it.

Both kids are screaming like hysterical because they're just tired. Right, And then Laura came down off the back of her phone call and she was like, what have you done? And I'm standing there next.

To kids who acting like they've just been like what have you done? To these kids that have definitely not done anything wrong? But I'm like, what do you what do I do not wash them? Or do you just wouldn't wash them? Yeah? Yeah? Right?

You know, Like what I'll do is if they're being difficult with like washing them with like a washer, like, I'll literally go and get the biggest container I can find and just don't get and go and it goes.

Even that would make them cry.

And I'm like and then and then I leave.

The room, April by work here.

I just literally come out of the door. What I do like look at each other and go did that just happen? Yeah? Get over it?

In that situation. Tell me if I'm wrong, it's only going to end and them having tears, always them having a melt down and then coming back down and settling down and then going to bed. Right, that's just the way it's going to happen.

I think, like you could have the melt down and have the rest of the bedtime be at nightmare, or you could just like go, look, tonight, it's not mine eyes, not my night borrow, let's just go.

Let's just let them they're in the water. That's a good start.

But at the same time, Lola never wants to brush the teeth. Like it's the same story every single night. So I'm like, shame her. Huh, shame her keep breastings. No, I you know, I have that little mouthguard mybizzi line. I were at nighttime and she's like, what's that? And I go, this is to keep my teeth in because if I didn't have this, they'd all fall out because I never brush my teeth when I was a kid. And she's like, oh, you're a loser.

Yeah, okay.

So I'm like that doesn't work either. Nothing works. I think, like, tell me, I'm not the only one with kids who are currently being absolutely not.

Like last week, I was just like at my witsand with them, it would I was going for and log in hindsight, I'm like, oh, I just relax a little bit. In hindsight, I was I was going from like, hey, can you move that too.

So quickly and like do you do like a shout? I'm sorry, don't you I can do, and I was. I would be putting the dad voice on way coickout than I would be usually. Usually I'm like, he goes you just that you have to make Usually I go nothing works.

Keep put your shoes and socks on, but put your shoes and your socks on.

Doesn't listen. That's the second time.

Third time like oscar, shoes, socks, Then still nothing. How many times do I have to tell you to put your shoes and socks on?

That's too long. I don't reckon that happened because then he's like.

Immobilized him and he was like too many words.

I can't do all these words. And then I'm like shoes just like that. That usually gets them nice. Yeah, but last week I would go for him, Hey, Bud, put shoes on. Put your shoes and shoes on for people listening. He doesn't swear like that, don't tell me what I do and don't do. I'm like, I don't know my breath. I'm like, did you swear it all the graduation? No? A couple of things happened.

Well, so I'll Okay, I'll tell you what one of our two graduations.

All right, you playing mine with yours?

So also, first congratulations, yes, son graduating from daycare.

I'm surprised.

I'm glad someone in the family finally graduated something. As you know, I goes to two kindis the Long DAYK one was last week on Thursday.

And it's cool. They all came out. They did or what they do.

They present them with like a little certificate in front of all the parents.

Love and how many kids I'm gonna say like fourteen? He said's good, we had twenty three. Holy shit. Now the presentation took forever. That's because your area's overpopulated. Thank you. We need to do something about that.

That's another podcast episode, the over population of the Eastern suburbs.

Did anyone cry? And yeah, there was one kid he cried, ran off the parents. There was a few. There's a few parents that cried. And I have a problem with crying. What was the trees? What was the trigger for crying?

Ah, the trigger for crying was and Osana cried from laughter is Lenny's parents because they did what they would do is they would go, you know, Lenny, Oscar whatever graduated what they want to be when they grow up?

He said, muscle man. That's my way. Anyway, Oscar's turn comes up, and he was like last in the line, what did he want to be?

Well, I'm surprised. And then also I blurted out something afterwards that was a little bit too loud.

What'd you blurt out?

So they said, Oscar Wicks graduating. When he grows up, he wants to be a policeman, and I just said, snitch.

I'm older, you bro, And I was like, oh.

It was like, hey, do you know what's funny? Marley wanted to be a policeman, spy. Policeman, spy.

There was a girl there that wanted to be a doctor, and then, in a spare time, a pilot, and I thought.

I never retiever.

There was one boy who said air conditioner repair man, and everyone laughed, and I'm pretty sure it's because his dad is an air conditioning I was.

Like, that's so bad. That job's not bad. That's great. Yeah, people need it. It's summer. Go for an attainable goal. I like it. Anyway, then they did like her.

A re enactment of the Hungry, Hungry Caterpillar story so it's like a show like.

Does a caterpillar kids like attached to each other. So one kid was the caterpillar and then.

The was the she Daisy was the caterpillar. Anyway, so what would happen is say there would be like on Monday eight one apple, so one apple would come out and the caterpillar would go over in front of her.

There were signs of the fruit.

You're leaving out some critical information here anyway, then poor days. I'm just imagine her like slithering over the floor.

And then they did a they did just dance at the end.

Love that.

I think I've actually got maybe just a little bit of Oscar because Oscar took.

It very seriously.

Yeah, I love that, and he was very good. I will say it is spice in his moves. There's one movie in particular, Scars.

It's very good. He's killing this. He's good. He's very good.

He absolutely he really When we did Dancing with his stars, go no, we were told to. It's like, you know, when you do a move, you got to like.

Sell the move.

Oh yeah, moments have to be like very like intentioned. And he's he's got that.

Yeah, he did really really well. But I was shocked. He was very good, very good, very very good.

What time is that, by the way, like what time of days of graduation?

Nine thirty in the morning. I like that.

Yeah, So that was one KINDI the other KINDI was like a Christians poper.

They don't make the kids perform.

They actually had one of the teachers perform, and she was outstanding.

I will say.

I want to say, just quietly, if anyone from our daycare is listening, I want to say that you guys do an incredible job. Oh yeah, look after my children, and I can only appreciate how stressful it must be at this end of the year to look after the kids as well as planning graduation.

Yeah, they do the extracurricular stuff free of charge.

Like like, I commend you very very impressive. However, I do have one little gripe.

Laid on me. Has went for a very long time. How long?

So we were told get there for fivety five. I am no, So they were like five forty five, get there. So it's like pretty late already.

Let's start. All the parents are there.

A lot of the parents had younger children, you know who in the nursery, and and so we're all waiting around, doesn't start till six o'clock.

I think something happened.

And they took a while to set up, so the kids didn't come out until like just after six, right, because it was twenty three kids. It took a really long time. I had three songs to start with. They then did the presentation of a pluk and a shirt, which they each got a shirt. Yeah nice, it's nice, but it took a really really long time. Also, Lola at this point is now at quarter to seven, she's fucking starving.

Bro oh yeah, is hungry. She's like a dad.

And then we had a little little play because all the kids are up there and they want to like now mingle. And then we were like, well, time to like get out of here, all right, thanks very much. And then the teacher's like no, no, no where wait. They had to put them in a little graduation like hat thing. I had three more songs to perform, and like the songs went on and they played a video as well, which I will say beautiful video, very emotional, gorgeous, fantastic, nice. Touch went for ten minutes.

We were very trump then very trump beautiful. I was in it. Nice.

It was ten minutes long, ten minutes, like thank you?

What?

Thank you? I don't know how long it should be. What's the length of that song? What's that song that's on every graduation video? Like as we go, that's how long a video should be. She'd be like two and a half minutes. I mean, I get it. It's beautiful.

Every parent will see their kid, and a lot of them were there from when they were like little bebars to now, so there's a lot of con tend to get through. But Mariyd only joined quite late. So once I saw Marley twice, I was like.

Wrap it up. Yeah, the production is terrible.

We didn't get out of it until seven thirty.

Thank you. That sucks. It was long. That's too long. It was too long, too long, way too.

We were like nine thirty two, ten thirty and they had and then you.

Have food yours.

We had donuts, just donuts and some sushik.

What do they say?

We had in Eleanor Heights woolworst muffins.

Sorry, I'm going go, but yeah, it was lovely.

But we got in the car and I was like, that went for bloody ages And I was like that was really long.

And Marley was like it was long, and I was like, damn it, she can spell and read.

Now I will say I made a big mistake. Ash, I'm very gow a mistake.

No, I know, very good.

Up until now, we had one orientation left at school for Marley to attend. We even bought the uniform because Marley was like, this's the first two she didn't wear a uniform. So she's been wearing uniform every night. We're in the uniform to daycare as well. And then Marley was like, hey, Dad, when's my next orientation? And I was like, it's coming up. Check the calendar.

Missed it by a week. What are you going to do? I said.

The teachers were so impressed that every child and the orientation, they said they don't need one more.

They'll just say see you brighton early next year, February. And she's like really. I was like, yeah, he did so good.

Wow, Wow, it is where your uniform to school week, well to preschool week this week.

So askars very excited.

And he does his thing where he knows he's not asking if he can do something, but he's telling me in a way of asking me if you can do something. For example, I was like, go and get your new school hat for next year, because you can wear that today. And he comes out and goes, but we're not allowed to take out new school.

Bags, are we?

Because he wants to do he wants to and I was like no, no, I was like, no, Bud, sorry, we'll save it, save it for next year.

But I think that's very clever. I like, I like his approach. Evil genius, isn't it? So? Laura and I ash, I think.

This was Laura, my wife, Laura married to Laura lady. She's great, very good, but a lucky man.

So when she steals our content.

I mean, you saw that Laura watching parenting lines. We'll bring parenting Lines back next year.

When Laura stops next year, she's got like two doting mums. You're like, what, you know it? It'd be better than us as well, damn it. I know.

So it was that time of the month, and the time of the month had finished, right, we're both keen, we're on the same page. And Laura had a life uncut Christmas dinner thing on the Saturday, and she goes, don't worry, it's gonna be really quick, have dinner. I'll be home, yes, not too late.

Italian somewhere. I was speaks for the invite. I know, right, I was.

Nosed because garlic is not agreeing with her at the moment. Have we spoken about before? Yeah, I was like, fuck, she's gone to Italian.

Well known for using their garlic.

Those Italians in their garlic, think they love it.

Also, I thank them for it. Yeah, Oh they know what they're doing, very delicious.

Listen mill and so like eight thirty, nine o'clock, nine thirty, and I was like, what.

Are you doing anxiously waiting up? Yeah, I was just sitting on the couch of the direction. She'll be home soon, I promise. And I was like, how far off are you? So she gets home, it's like eleven thirty. If anyone who's married, that's way past six. That's like, that's the you could potentially be having sex in two days. Yes, you could go over into the next day. Sunday.

Sunday nights not a sex night Sunday morning either, Sunday never never never.

Yes, if you go from like eleven thirty, but.

Then Monday night, it's not a sex night for us. Tuesday maybe maybe Wednesday night, you.

Pretty much put yourself out another one.

It's so yeah, I'm steering und the barrel of like a famine, a week long famine. Laura comes in and she's like, we're doing it. Get upstairs, shut up, take your eyes off.

I'd be fast sleep. It's very tired. I think I even said. I was like, I don't want it to be like rush tired sex.

You're like pretending you're like, oh to' still like knocking over chairs and my directions, I'm walking up the stairs.

So then we do the.

Dedde was great, and then at five five yeah, five cool, five good to know five. So then just about to fall asleep, a lovely said nothing better than a sleep after sex, cigarette and asleep. I never had a cigarette, fell asleep with it nice as someone who used to smoke.

Nah, okay, put that to bed.

So you never smoked after there's a there's an old joke that says like, do you smoke after sex?

It's like, I don't know, I've never looked. Okay, you don't get it.

Do you smoke after sex? Like because you're so hot or yeah, because it's the friction. And then you're like, no, I never checked.

So then we're bout to fall asleep.

We start to hear, we start to hear a little cry Ellie, it was Marley Ah. And you know what ailment really does, sacash and earache.

It's one of those things we I don't know what's wrong with me.

Yeah, they're like nah, and you're like you can't do anything, and you're also eyes and ears quite nerve wracking.

Yeah, like it would be It would be.

Really frustrating if she went deaf and then they're like, what happened? I said, well, I just I ignored the signs and she went deaf and I didn't do anything.

We were having sex. That's okay, so once a week we haven't, oh well.

And so she was in agony screaming and then I was like, is it a burst ear drump? Maybe an insect.

Sicata, maybeicada or maybe should just heard you guys love making.

I'm a quiet lover, thank you very much. I've been told that.

And Laura was like after fifteen minutes, she was like, we won't have to go to hospital. So she's crying so much and she's just going, oh my, got it hurt so much. We were thinking it was a burst ear drum and I was like fuck fuck Cash like The last thing I want to do is go to shut Royal Children's Hospital. It's now like after midnight.

You've just had sex, just had sex, you know. I got to walk in there like, who smells like sex in here? Thankfully?

Think it dozed her up on like panadole went to sleep yep, wake up And I was like, Molly, how's your ear?

And she goes, what are you?

I was like, you're crying last night for years.

She goes, no, it wasn't. That was what a you're talking about. It must have been one of your other kids. It was like this phantom earache. Yeah, right, fucking who knows? She was dreaming. I think it was a nightmare.

But she was in agony, bro screaming, holding her ear, being like it hurts.

Weird nothing since nothings, the phantom, the mystery of the earache that never existed.

Have you had that? No?

Yeah, listen to questions. Yes, we've got a couple here.

Oh this is a good one actually.

Dannielle Danielle, Danielle Danielle. This is from Dan Darnel.

Can you give a little shout out? Isn't that enough of a shadow?

It's free ronniere Danielle, Thank you for the great question. Danielle shout out to Danielle, thanks for writing in we love you, Thanks so much.

That good enough for you, Very good, very good. I'm sure she is back.

When are siblings too old to bathe together?

That is a very good question. She did also add a little line in there. I saw she wants to know and sharing a room as well. I think I was showering with my brothers when I was like thirteen. I think I think.

What that's been old? Were there any pubes involved? Couple? I remember? I think I does your brothers though have one sister? My mom was in there, she's out numbered.

No, I think I think I have my older brother who is maybe like five years older than me.

And he still wanted to do it.

Don't shame me and my family for what we did when we were younger. I remember being like.

What are they? Because he had pubes? That's my penis mustache. I was like, good A look spread them. Is that too old? Yes? It is too old? Is it? Yes? I look Oscar Macy.

I'm at the point now I need to separate them because they's get the big close.

What you don't know?

It's innocent, but I'm like, separ eight. I don't know, I such a I don't know.

I think I don't know.

Actually, yesterday on the weekend, we were down at the beach and we were going to the beach shower and I stripped Macy off. She's completely naked out of the shower. But Oscar was like, I don't want to take my shorts off because I wanted to get the.

Sand off him.

And They're like, no, no, no, he's getting older. There was other young girls around, like teenage girls. He's like, I don't want to and I was like, oh, okay, you can just shower in your shorts, you know what I mean. So it's like he's getting to an age and they will. And I don't know, every kid's going to be different. I suppose with how how they what they know about their body, I guess, and like I think, I.

Just we were at the beach on the weekend as well, and we walking down to the beach.

You're like, I was like, I had the buggaboo.

It was facing forward, so with a shade up, I couldn't really see what Lla was doing. But afterwards we took the Simons off put address on her was walking down the promenade Upondo Beach, which is very busy, especially on the weekend. I stopped and just like peered over the cover to make sure she was okay, legs spread, just having a little play.

I was like, what are you doing?

She's like what I know, because there's a fine line where don't want to shame them.

I'm like, but like.

Oscar makes you share a bath, boy and girl, and look, sometimes they find themselves in weird positions. I'm like, what the fuck like, especially like Oscar, you're older, don't put your hand on your dick in front of your sister.

And I don't know.

I don't know what the answer is. I'm not someone tells the tells the answer, and is it? Like I said, Oscar's sort of like getting going to primary school next year. I think it's time that you can kind of have a shower, bro, and let your sister have a bath or whatever.

I just don't it's different with you girls.

I feel like it's grade one, grade two, that's when it starts, obviously, unless you in my household.

N Yeah, came on to your eighteen formative. But I used to.

I used to share a room with my sister when we were fourteen.

Yeah, but you've clothed very different. That's right. It would be weird if you were separate beds. So my kids share a room. Your kids share? What about your sister? My sister, we had separate rooms, never shared. It must be nice.

No, it was a rental, my lad. I used to sleep in the hallway. No, we had separate We've always had separate rooms. I only ever used to have a bath with dad, but like he would have speedos on when I was at an older age.

But like fourteen is too old that much. Tell that to my mother. Oh, well, don't you are, she's upstairs. Do you want explains a lot that you let your kids bath together for so long? They're really closed? Next question, are you guys? From who this is from? You want to give them a shout out? This is this is from me? Shout out to out. You're very good, Thank you, Thank you. I needed that. Thank you from me to you?

Is your family? Are you in April?

Spit it out and you and April? That's what we have time for?

You doing elf in the shell?

Why do I need to give myself something else to worry about? Don't you want to funk with your kids a little bit.

No, I see all those on just like one was like cutting the clothes off a kid.

It was like ruined the shirt.

Firstly, do your kids know what elf and the shelf? Okay, so my kids didn't know either.

Who told them? So we're not an elf in the Shell family.

Laura is not an elf in the Shell family collectively, not an elf in the Shell family.

Why would you would you want to be?

So Sunday weekend just gone. Kids are together and kids are kind of sharing stories and they were like, hey, have you guys got the magic elf at your house? And Marley was going, magic elf? What are you talking about? And the kids were like, We've got an elf elf on the shelf and every night he magically moves.

He springs to life.

As soon as we go to bed and we wake up, he's in a different spot. And Marley was like, holy shit, she couldn't believe it. We say goodbye to our and this is and nephews, and then Marley's like, Dad, I think we better start looking. We might have a magic elf a home.

Nope.

I was like, there's no on there. Molly was like, but how do you know? And I was like, because I haven't seen one. And she's like, yeah, but he might be hiding. And I was like, oh, yeah, I guess maybe, and she's like, I'm.

Gonna I'm gonna find him.

So we get home and she's looking everywhere, like upstairs, in the cupboards. At one point she was like, I know where he is. In the washing machine. Fuck that cheeky yelf ran in there. She's like, not there. She's like, I know he's here somewhere. And I was like, Mally, I'm telling you, if he was here, I would have seen him. And then and then outside there was like a little plastic pop plant that had no plant in it, and augusta wind came and it blew over and.

Molly was like, he's here. That was it? Wasn't it any little sign like or something like knocks off the table.

She's like, fuck, oh, just I think still clear doing it.

It looks like so much effort.

But part of me is like, maybe that was him.

You're right, Marley, I just I think I heard him upstairs. Quick check if he's there. This is my gripe with it. We've already got a If there's kids in the car, who ho ho it's Santa here. Boys and girls, please cover your ears during this next bit. Hide the Santa thing.

I gotta give more of a warning than that. You can't be like kids in the car.

No, if there's kids in the car, boys, that's too late now whatever. So I took them to see Santa doing the Santa photo, okay, and we finished it in the Santa photo and we happened to be the last one before the break.

Anyway, I'm walking away.

With Oscar and Santa's gone around the corner taking his head off pretty much like his master.

And was like, he's like, what's he doing? I was like, nohing, like usher, would he do that behind closed doors? I think he thought he was. I think thought he was out of the way. He's like, he's like kids.

And then so I've already got to hide the fact once again.

If you've got kids in this answer is not real. Why are we now doing this thing and putting more pressure on parents to doing the show?

I think I'm going to do it, and I'm just going to test the waters, just see what it's like, see if she's into it.

Yeah, okay, a report back work, got any ideas of what you're going to do with the elf. Fah, no yet.

I might cut her a fringe and so she wakes up and then there's like a pair of scissors and then there's a hare and.

I'm like, it was the magic girlf Oh my god. It's like, isn't that fucked up? People do that stuff that is fucked not us. That was a joke, Ash.

This is our last episode potentially.

Ever, of the year God of twenty twenty four.

Yes, what what?

What are we laughing at?

Its just like it was like, you know, like it's a big moment. You know, it's like it's the light. It's the last one.

Well that no, I'm out here.

We will be back next week on Christmas Day. Yeah, but it will be a best of. We hope you all have a great Christmas, all of you. We'll chat to you guys next week for a best of we will, and then we will be back early next year.

Don't forget to buy the calendar. Okay, calendar for God's sake, twenty twenty five, not two. We've got twenty left. There's only limited amounts left. There's twenty left. Please twenty left, Please buy them.

All proceeds go to a very good course, which is victims of domestic violence, which is Rise Up of course.

So you can buy the budge my website link. I was going to say, sorry, sorry, go and finish it off. Link.

Is it in the show notes, review, subscribe comments, join us on social media at Two Doting Dads.

We'll see you guys next year, next year. Yes, Merry Christmas, Happy New Years. I just really want to go to the bank.

That's good, A good Christmas, goodbye bye.

In your mind. Just a little quick story. Okay, I've heard a little quick one after your one.

A little little quick one before we go into listening question, A little one. Oh no, That's what I'm saying.

Well, don't you.

Well go on, go on please, Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.

We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Straight Islander people's today.

This episode was recorded on Gadigle Land

Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

Two Doting Dads is a podcast series that follows the parenting escapades of two good mates, Matty J … 
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