From the mind of Daniel’s son, the complete catalog of Tosh Show Bedtime Stories.
Tosh Tosh Show.
Hey guys, it's me Daniel Tosh, host of The Toss Show, and today I've got a very special pod for you.
Today we're doing a.
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My son has been doing the bedtime Stories segment for our show for all but two episodes, but now now it's going to be the best of And since it's my son, I couldn't pick just one or two, so I'm gonna play the entire catalog for you back to back. That way, you can let your children watch this at night before they go to bed, and you won't have to read to them. F Y, this is the only piece of content on this show that we could check the yes It's made for Kids box when uploadingto YouTube. So kids, please enjoy this very very very long video, and also please don't ever watch anything else that we ever put on this channel until you turn eighteen or run away from home.
Enjoy Went upon a Time in a soul Always some planets Wait, any planet had a distant amo? Wait some planet hot? How dinis or some planet. But the planet had had dying, So what their mommy got They were baby dying? So get somebody had they had chicken, some plan they had beards. Some planet had rabbits, some pan had bunnies, some planet has way.
So there's one planet that just had rabbits and one planet had bunnies. What's the difference between the planet that had rabbits and the planet that had bunnies? Okay, goodbye? Tell me one one scary story. Okay, okay.
One day geek geep down a bead who was a bead drying, and the wren tiny it was a bead.
Ryan, it's not scary. This is a hole. There's a big lion in it. Goofball, you do it whatever you want.
Go ahead one time in a soul way wand then Molly said he can't outside, oh little note, so one day it will winter and they talked it down her side and they went outfly and then the man were one They wasn't honey, and then noted, then.
Okay, it's Christmas, go ahead and tell me.
Sorry, want to come time? You're two? Little twin. All they wanted to do it wanted twin was but they twin didn't, so they building between fat, the little boys building frame fat, and then the twins the two little frame drolled on it, and then one of them wood, and then they twinn't said sat but the fat and wanted me to tell you the really stories.
Sure, tell me a really short story.
Oh no, I'm down to the lot. But the rabbit was it didn't know how to jumbled it all, so he decided to make a way jump he wider. He rided himself on a bike.
The end. How am I supposed to go to bed after hearing that story?
Sit down a warm story, and then and then it might be wait up time down? Okay, thanks one up on a time. They were two and mumbo. They were a seattle and a sea lion. But they didn't know how to flim, so they dawned on a sabold. Then they waddled sea, and then they twitted because they were bold, not happy, but they were medium emod in they were in flood. Then they saw our datas, but then they were mad and swimmed in the ocean. Then and it was just poy, but they saw a seward and a deep y ends. But but.
That story was crazy I liked it like that was a good story. Thank you for that one. All right, that's one story. Then we go to bed. Okay, okay, I'm sleepy.
One upon a time in the Soul, so Saul saw Away City. Every time people watched away them on their table, the hamble bodor with tad the bite of their tato, and they and when they came back at the table, they said, wait, either did it take a bide? This too did and they saw him. They saw the toto boatle the end. Once upon a time, the riddle dies. They tried did a tampasan. They tried did a campasan, and the Tampathan didn't vote, and the tampasan didn't vote, so they died on a distant it. So they died on the distance. And then they rode on a bike and they and then they hit it someone on their bite. And then they rode on a bike and they hid it some him riding their bikes. And then they saw a seahost, and then they saw a seahost and then they and then they dropped this soon and then they dropped their song dead.
Why did you say everything twice in that story?
I don't know.
That's a weird thing that you did, Like have you did you have you ever heard somebody do that before? You just made that up. You just want to repeat things twice each time. Yeah, that was that was neat Like Chris Rocky.
About one to pilot time and there so way well on the letter on a boat where a helicoptery free helicopters and there were so many talks at their eden. The helicopter didn't know at under the boat with a faked but the soul did not at the boat were doing on the big big ray and the big big ray the boat were posted on older the way and then the soap and then and then they're so sot off the bottom of the boat he and then and then it the and then they went sat so and then they're an hour day that popped it up and ate the whole boat.
M wow.
When too kind of time, somebody named Traptain handed the brute toe he would he so he did, and he boughts in this in the soul and he and he is so he cleaned it up the met in his house. But when he drink he he's so so butked one butt had mixed in this low and try it, but he didn't know where it is, but somebody put it here. It se and came out of the drowned. It was a zombie, Jill would vaughant zombie the wheel and the zombie tweated but aided.
The end. I honestly don't think I understood anything in that story. There was a zombie. What else was there? What was the guy's what was the guy's name?
I remember el Alright, I'm telling the same story, but addition zog in it.
Oh, you're telling me a different version of the same story. All right, that's her?
What's uplent of time? And tall? The pavement pretty? The law They ran a while, but he'd like it to fit down. Hi, then happy? So my head well, someone said my head ould and then with a penguin and a baby pat she said she was a baby.
I don't like the story at all. It's not good. It doesn't make sense, and it's it's really hard to understand. I don't like it when your stories have voices, because your voice is already on the scale of tough to understand, and then when you do voices, it's like, what are we talking about? At this point? I bet see what I'm saying. I can't understand that.
Just buying a baby.
Okay, you're still doing it, but don't what's one hundred and fifty six times twenty eight?
Don't signed your song?
That's pretty good.
Oh okay, okay, okay. Once upon a time there was a slay city called Mawabill. And in that baby, there's an old place and the old place went old calls and it andything was oh eating the place. There's an old assertans until they fisted, desisted. A boy named and this boy name HadAM your eyes. Then he waited someone and he didn't know about the dragon one until he were all the babies and he's hundred and he was a big brother and he handed a baby sick back Indian. Once upon time they were the play ground anyone want to play down. It was so so fun, but one of them didn't white it the only way there when they turned white on or so fun. But and then the police tick, the police dared kick, and they were ducked out, and and and and the post got bidder and bidder and bidder until until they had to did their home.
But it was so big what they got bigger.
The poet the park.
Yeah, the park got bigger and bigger.
Yeah, what does it mean? Got me? They were the white flocked the did and he did all the pole but they did not bidder and bidder?
How was the park getting bigger and bigger?
Wait, like, I don't know. Tornado tated maybe and that made it like a whole alia. I didn't know why. I didn't know sun.
This story.
Yes, I know, I know, I know, I know.
It's scary.
Yeah, okay, one gay the momitra you can't out file your aunt. The little popped into a did t.
I don't want to hear it anymore. Tell me a story.
Once upon a time a wapit went to the work the end.
Okay, that is insane.
Once upon a time hm hmm in a soul Way city with the ridle tiny people. All they wanted to do, Why a more dicycle preddant becauds it would only a choose he motorcycle. So they try to keep up with the other motorcycle. But so they may are They twidded wed wold red world up plea comoda, and then he did it.
He was a seat So then bye, that's very awful.
Went upon a time in one one what saw sauce Salway City where the wind were the people and then they were Baba and Nini. The one were bright red and when they're bright blue, and they would brighten their white bread and white blue tall a wow. But the blue dye didn't know a pol and they yelled, I didn't know he was a sciential hold on okay, and wondered that. And the other one I don't know. There was one wanted a.
Chancy. The story has gone off the rails.
I don't no wise, you don't know.
What you're saying. Yeah, you've got yourself into a pickle hunt.
Yeah, I went out new whizzing.
The end.
What's upon a pine? There was a poky pine, but they were not just any kind of poky pine. This was a mean poky pine. But all the people didn't want pine wanted to do they were so mean because they did all they dot was hit they did, didn't needn't there to do anything. Every time they got wrapped and all of the person that's hot. But they wasn't just any kind of poky pine. They were a big big sap sas sauce poky poky pine. But then somebody said, hey, back there a mean and that's why, that's what he was. He wasn't a poky pine. He was my say, he wasn't a poky pine one of those other ones that are similar with the poky pies. But they and there was a head drag. Then the head shock called chat, hey, are you a poky pine? And and the poky sign said, yes, I'm a poky pine. And what is your name? And then and the poky pine said, my name is poke aheim name my name, but Henry and and and Henry said to the put to the what had Troy, what's your name? And he said he was his name was so why am I don't remember? And then he said, my name is Sata and see and the poe and the poky sign said what h And he the boy gets some mind and said that about a name, Okay, my name is pine. And and he totally make up any names. But then something happened Wayne and poll we the old man is so ween. That's who came. What came entruments and they were singing, it's Wain and the polly, oh man, he's on he in the bell. He bumped to the and tilting it in a moaning that what they were singing. And one person said, come to the doctor. And that's what they told on when they when they got into the doctor. I'll tell you what they told on when they got into the doctor. I'll tell you doctor, doctor did me the news, got a bad case and loving you day back what they told None.
Is that it.
Nope, this is a very lunch soul.
You're telling me.
This is a soay that thoughts all the way until at the morning, trying to so it is.
I gotta go to bed, honey then and those bed in here, Okay, finish it up the end. No, ma'm.
I want to tell stories a day.
Yeah, let's tell stories. You wanna go first?
You just down one of those.
He wants to go first, A right, let him go first, Get cad.
And yes, cat cat, get that tat. I mean many JESU read.
The story is horrible. Now you tell the story once.
Upon a time and they're so awatid social a deep leg it bunny. All he wanted to do is samply, he toured. All he wanted to do is sampling, he told it. Then I just all it take And then the bunny didn't know what to do. He said he finally he sold to them what all yoga? And at my talk will how what joining? And then the auto got what it how that to do?
And I just so when Wagan this story is no good either.
Once upon a time, Hey, come Onny something you wanted to see something? And trazy, Yeah you want to? Can I bring my brains? Yeah you can't the end?
Are you just retelling tonight? When you saw when I told you to come in the hallway and look at the spider.
Yes, once upon a time there are Twitter animals. All they wanted to do is ride on a train, but a Twitter put put to the addition in all the boat detached themselves. They did wanted off to play, but did anyone point? They're so so happy? And then an d and but there are too little pain. But the pevement with the rail like the penguins were sick.
That was like one of the somebody what this is like one of those movies at the end where ends the credits rule? And then they had like some extra little scenes before the movie finishes.
I talked to Madick.
The other extra scenes in Top on Maverick. Yes all right then, yes, like Top Maverick.
And the only Soviet days length, and then they went to freepdi in.
Okay.
They always wanted gender readians one upon a time in the deep deep out a deep be head or some little little bullians. But they would he did him hot doss him. He did what he didn't hear, but they said it til one with toty meatballs.
All right, well, hold let me. So there's three there's three lions in a cave, and they wanted ham. But their favorite thing is turkey meatballs. Handmaid hamas turkeys. Okay, go on, sorry, okay, now we do. That's the end of the story.
Story.
That story is garbage.
Okay. Once upon the time a tail a datto or flying in the way, he he'd fly to fly people with the other so we're tail of dattos. But he tried it, but they were two way. He sat down to someone the truth, and then one outside those into a ball, and then the h that killed trying the ada that finded away and then say we don't want to stay on, and then blot out of window into the sign and they saw down their dagger, and then and then and then the two and then the other two got to bloat, and then the octopus. It all did your jackals, and then they did and then they found two sides, and then and then the sand, and they bloted and a bit hold on what ate the saying, And then they were in a sectal and and they sat in a secal.
Because they were two bear there in a segard.
The wrap this story up right now, and they were the light and.
Then signed so white, and they brewed away and now the bold thing helps you do. And then they were jupid of all the down and then your mommy and Janny and the day eighth and find up a mountain and the mountain and then cowered, and then they cool getting Dan went upon a time in a win in two year old taught the chip twenty and they don't turn to them but only si. They didn't know how but the fim. So one day they they they got they put their bad babings through John. They went outside. They don't under the tred and they wound have to swim and then the tod and it was so signed. So one day the old wheos in the ohos, oh whioso wheos. And then when the orio sane, it tep didn't louder and louder and louder until it got super wild until there's a monster coming.
Damn, give me a good night story. Good okay, the.
Funding time and a heart thought soul any single die and we did teople the the pizza die when eat their pizza, and when they watched the fact they did people and gay on Daddy played. They didn't see a pizza, so they went to the hamble. They got pizza back and say, when I came back to my table, they were then a pizza. Hm. We slimed out what happened and then that was the boy and the daddy saw the pizza man and the pizza turned around and said, I ate that pizza. Eyeboy hungry. Then they put in a big bore pizza with and the be natural. So when he wandered away, he said, oh, I'm eating all of the pizza. So he trottened the dead tipped them and but the ad walked away.
The end. Good story, buddy, Give me one quick story before mom reads. Go ahead, h.
Panner Pie in the middle so Land with their tree doing anyway with a big riddle tractor decided and he would then beat He would then be a freak, but he would then the freak the dress or it will be flick flat so he could dry. So one day she decided to be a push flatten, so he dot and suddle. She pushed it all the way, flew the plants so they would drow high and tall. So but he decided that he would then be a male for it. One day he would then the milk prints male him to pretend maw and he was saying, here the male. They one decided to les how we do too. But the only sh he didn't know that there was a milk guy. He loved milk any time the milk died with it's any But the weed drimmed the moon and they walked, and they walked away from the table the milkman who did it different the humble door. But the milkman, as he didn't know there was a little teake. He stepped and then he set down to the milk tea. He saw a way to dip out or that milk.
De wow, Oh, good story.
Once upon a time a little movie. She she it's somebody with the toys in the water. They she told they were. But when that anon she was swimming in the water, she saw a toy in the water. H, let's see what that is? And it with a bot and she said what shee it in the thought and it was a little tiny white they told it. He said, hm, what is this? Soon told and then he swim and swamp. I saw to the flamp. She went on and she popped it up and she went on the boat. So what he did is she framed out of the boat. I sat at a tear and had so deeted tian until she went down a big water saw and then down at the bottom of the seat, down down down what tree tour SATs aliens by the turns, but at the turn of movemaidse diftant, momaids another momaid, so many things down at the bottom of the sea ge and tnat wmo so no, once upon a time in a so so way the woods with these ladle mouth checkers. And then and then and then every day the baby went out, a big, big, big bear would taste up to him, and yeah, I told you it was say a, and and and and every day he would say do you want to raise? And then and then and then they race it, and then the bear and then the baby, and I was the baby, and then the baby one and then everybody chilled to them. They went back home. They had to dan dinner, and then in the mooning and then and then and then the bear said, it been a long time, did you want to ray? And then and then they and then they races, and then and then and then and then and then the bear and then the bell trip and sell and then and then the baby one and now and there was so much house and and then and then someone had knocked it on the door and they opened the door and it was a big big bad wolves and then he lays and jersey and then he told us a butt this it's a book bottle bundle mono. And these the big girl and he said to eat people. And then but what a people who are fools? And there's the buns and these the buller bullo and their gull little baller got little bit cool mans. And then they laugh and laugh, and there was little bull and there was a big cheetah and a leopard corn they said, with the pigure with their bag guy like guys. Yeah, they all fright and laugh and laught, and then the rose eight everyone and then they still laughed when he was it can tell me. And then the gender bread maintained, and it came and then and then and then the candy maintained, and then the gender and then and then and then and then the bandy came and they and they ate the candy man, and then and then locker come and then the body and in the parkway what difference? So we need to be long.
The story is so long. It's the longest I've ever.
Heard sometime, but I wanted to be long.
Yeah, that story so long.
And then it says seven eight nine d and Kay went twelve time in the soul. Soul is drive to clean? Do you? And they talk do the pilot all the pilly one the pilot wanted to do was say up all night, but he couldn't put The team noticed that he might get tired, so he would. Then he made up a little bed in the wodden room, so him faller made yourself told you.
And maybe that he would maybe just needs a riddle, more pillows.
So what he needed to do, it's it's samid Ma told you, but chance it. He waited and waited and then she they didn't know, but to this it would then be he would the hundry so cham. So what he had to do and make it out at a table and he would weigh on a table and then she was too tired and he wouldn't need any more. So the the end.
But you can't say the end and then say but is it a two parter? Yeah? The end, Okay, the second part is just real short.
Mmmm. Once upon a time there the riddle cions all they wanted to do it. Whoa, but at this handy whoa, they sound like it freak freak tell the would I want to mount? So they ate a bit of wyan and then they tried to who more how louder lion and they twigtered it so fine feet feet so they more lions, more daddy wires, and then and then they tried to and they turn and they were so happy. The end.
Little story tonight because I'm really sleepy. The rather yeah short, give me a nice story about.
Maybe you won't really like it.
Well, I'll be the judge.
Once upon a time they were the sotha in the water. They were liting and told it. But any time they tracked away, how day they ate them any tute time even either when at night time they do a time out, and then they and then don a sissy name, and then the show about the shick sing nemo, And then I do answer that.
That was awful. All right, go ahead, tell me what.
Once upon a time in a sol way song but the sormer and he's the animal. Every day they were the salmon in the deep ocean. Shield did every day they to see anything was saucing day. And one day they saw don't into the driveway and and and onto a big huge tie. Od, it's how you don't know how to wait out? Did they say? One didn't know how to suck? And then the end. Once upon a time in a saw away planet like they didn't atronauts they waded so hot, but no insane, so what they needed tall? Where the water is it? They blanted darts intense, the matter all blow, they said. And then the asnaut waded and waded, and then the waters it tame so dope. So anybody would the town accept the mulder beasts and they milder beasts. But then sire and and he bloated sire out. And there was a time they dragged He were purple with flight on him always. Then then when they were night time, he he got out of bed. He got out, he went outside, and they were the beast. It was talk. It was told him preezing beasts, and that precently blew him and told him into assat you but this, and then he told back, and then he woked bow and then missile beast flew away. Yeah, and then the aftronaut waited and waded, and then they saw another one to sip with the titty cat in it. And then they got broke and put to the actronaut. They didn't know they were the ti tatten that the astronaut and then deceased whistled loudly, and then and then and then away to the west to the hero says, and then and then they all went to bed.
The end.
Once upon that crime in Solwayland, iron lord rainbows, there was aught to put in noceit. His name was Bubby, and all he wanted to do the kick his lead, but he was too so he was still a baby. The end on top one the time and the dog dog jog don't cry with the moon and death and they who went on the wall. People people watched on the wold, and they went each outkay, okay, one talk about it one o the mummy one mother that was did the sea when were the wool bar? One the one one word to see one the town, and one with the boat a red boat, and then once what and the one one was a momid.
The story's gone off the rails.
And once upon a time maybe that with fleming the old kids. They were people on the beach for a paddleing the then pop up and they set a should and down along and then suddenly they got in their doll droats that sack of they tear they lay out that were a sack as they can took. I think did someone there? And then lay them back home trot door shut. They locked the door, locked all of the doll so nothing will come in. Then something happened. The house were all doult. They knew what happened that they electrically went off in their house and there was somebody huge fort turned the kneading dough shot full. Oh oh, they saw fourth at the beach, and then they were trying to eat the bread with you. Then that didn't happen. What those so sad? I say it the flock China, they say, did it all? Anybody? The Chino went so sad? The fucking after him?
What are you do you? I don't know what you're saying. The whip ran after him.
The fucking acting, the froth, no, the face frost. No, a sloth, yeah, a swath. I got it.
But they were two fold, so did chea. And then the fun on the cheetah and the Cheeta went so sack and then he done in the Cheta car.
The cheetah has a car.
It was just a Halloween tattoo.
Who was dressed up like a cheetah.
Maybe out now a real Cheeta, a.
Real cheetah dressed up like a cheetah. Yeah, all right, Is this the end of the story? No? When does it end? Because it makes It's just gone on ten minutes, Oh my goodness.
And then something happens. The animal wam back, but the molten lamp the more team. What do you send me ever? Bidden to come from plane?
Rud, I don't know. Then I want you to tell me one happy Halloween story.
Okay, that, but that then you be about us, drall it, I say. And a mouth with a pump on a.
Pumpkin, A mouth on a pumpkin.
Yeaes Sasian, a Sasian. Some ice.
We'll tell me the story okay, but but but but this went in.
Not real, but do it the mummy and this one, but but do it just a boy? But the boy would dress that by the mummy.
Okay, but.
Not the end. Yea, they were treat treating. They was, but but they wouldest it up at the mummy and he would torsistant healthy and the only health he saw with a pie for the pizza truck. Yeah, the house had a pizza. So when he went with the house, I had only pizza and and and they laughed and rapper it would dip pizza anywhere on the ground EdWay. No one would except the mummy with the mummy. You hit your mummy, not your mommy, your mummy, you hit your daddy here.
So at the end of that story, but they didn't.
Know I do a real mummy. There was a real mummy in this vie. But they can't talk about that one put that there was sil but then they were hand sounded mummies.
Oh my goodness them all right, go ahead and tell me a happy story.
Okay, Okay, for the time in the sauce sauce over were a two timer. They won't played with finals dironals. We're not silly, so they won one. Put their one silly, Dynald, and that's a great story.
Thank you.