This Is ImportantEp 188: Blake’s A Stand Up Guy, But Not How You Think…
Today, this is what's important:
Disturbed, baby boys, jerking off positions, the Super Bowl, Vegas, Blake's 21st birthday, Fruit Stripe gum, Hans Christian Anderson, and more.
Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeart Radio, the show where we talk about what's obviously both critically crucially important today on This Is.
Important, standing up side of the bed t shirt on no pants, fully engorged, shouting.
For some reason, when I'm hungover, I always feel the need to seed.
I jerked off into TJ Maxwe's let's go. Hey, he hey, we pay.
Let's go.
Do you feel that?
Oh shit?
All right, that's fifteen seconds?
Is that?
Oh?
Yeah?
Dude? Yeah, posa dude that gets white people going in, like Midwestern suburban whites. Whoo the whites? He are fired up?
Did they play that at sports stadiums and stuff?
That feels like a sports anthem?
Have you? But have you? It feels like it. That's I'm saying, but have you? Do we hear this?
I haven't heard it?
Why don't we? That's crazy?
If you told me that the guy from Disturbed actually did like lock children in his basement or something. I don't know, but there has to be a reason we don't hear that at stadiums.
Go ahead, Adam, I'm the lead singer. Definitely they passed away. I think the lead singer is dead.
Oh really what was he a good guy? Or did he lock kids in the basement? I mean he's a lead singer of a band called Disturbed.
Go ahead at him. Yeah, I feel like it was disturbed in a way.
I feel like, you know, there's a lot of things there.
What if he was really well adjusted, well, then.
I feel like you we would be hearing that at every stadium.
Disturb was talking about like the planet, not himself.
The lead singer of Disturbed is still live, says Todd.
Wait then who died?
Oh I know who died? Lincoln Park?
Oh there it is, no, I know Lincoln Park. And also it was called like drowning pool, right there was. There was a band and that ship was pretty fire too. I got to look that up. I'll play the fort fifteen seconds of it, all.
Right, Adam, how you doing?
I'm checking out. He doesn't seem that disturbed. He seems just like a guy that has in a band, which which is a little disappointing because if you name your band disturbed, you gotta do some disturbing shit.
For sure.
You want him to walk the walk.
Yeah, yeah, you gotta walk the walk.
But I'm also like, well, why don't we hear that song at every stadium. Then I want when when my LA Clippers, when Kawhi Leonard, oh my god, dunks dunks on a fool for it to go. Yeah, oh my god.
These are so good. You know, we don't really deep dive sports. And also this is two weeks out, so who knows. They might not be for plays right now. Anybody who cares anything about basketball, this might be the Clippers year.
That's what they're all saying. And guess what, I don't like it. I don't.
I don't like with that because you you are a you are a cursed franchise. We do know that we are.
We we certainly aren't.
But this feels beyond the curse.
You know, if it feels good. But if the first game of the playoffs, uh, the entire team's knees explode, that would make perfect sense.
They're like jump ball. What just happened there?
They all all to.
The ground, their knees exploded. There's some seaport.
Yeah, that would that would make a lot of sense.
What's the furthest they've gone?
In the Western Western Conference Finals? Was the furthest they've gone they've gone? That was just a couple of years ago, which.
To people who don't watch sports, that's right before the finals, which is where you win it all.
Whould they play Phoenix? Phoenix, Phoenix?
I think it who Phoenix?
Yeah? I love it. Well, good luck with that or will you? Will you go to some playoff games if that happens?
Yeah, I mean we're the baby by this podcast. The baby is I think thirteen years old.
So dude, yeah, my kid is gonna be out.
Yeah. So I'm celebrated. Man, thirteenth, thirteenth birthday?
What's to man?
Just jerking off a lot? Yeah? Yeah, okay, keep catching him. He can't. He can't stop it.
He's hey, your boy is disturbed. He is just now that's disturbed. My god. I keep walking.
Into he's fucking beating off into a tube sock. Yeah.
Every every time I every time I see him jerking off into a Kleenex or a tube sock, I go, what are you doing?
I go, oh, man, that is wild.
Dude, You're gonna have a boy boys or way way crazy. That's gonna be fun for you.
I don't know what are you basing that on? Black? Yeah?
What are you in the.
Fact that I have girls and they're very well behaved, but boys are psychos. I'm basing on myself. I jerked off everywhere.
It was amazing. Yeah, that's not psycho, that's just passing the time.
Yeah it's yeah, it's just jerking off. And by the way, I feel like I wouldn't even be my dad. Every time I was in the bathroom taking a shit, it's like it's important. Absolutely every time I was in there going to the bathroom, he would go, uh, quit jerking it. You're gonna go blind through the bathroom door. And what's funny is probably eighty five percent of the time he.
Was right, right, it's the only way you could climbax.
I'm not jerking off, Like stop, I'm not, But also I am.
I do. Like how like you go into the bathroom just to take a shit and he's like, don't jerk off in there.
You're like, I'm not.
And then you're like, I'm thinking a bad idea. Not a bad idea.
Were you sitting down to ship and jerking off in sitting position? Because that's fucking disturbed.
Yeah, what do you mean I jerk off in sitting positions? Wait, I still do.
Blake can only do it bending over looking backwards into him.
You what what do you what do you mean, Blake?
I don't I honestly, we got a stand there. I probably could count on my hands.
Wait, what is the same.
I could probably count the number of times on my hands how many times I've I've jerked off like in sitting position, like sitting straight up?
What are you talking about?
So this is we're finding What I love about the podcast is we just find out these little bit crazy If you ever, if you ever want to find out the most intimate details of your best friends lives, uh, I start a podcast and do about one hundred and ninety episodes.
Yeah, yeah, you start to scrape the bottom of the bar.
Then you really start to find out. You find out that I started stand up while wiping, and that was I mean, my god, we got a we got a lot of mileage out.
Of that was early.
That was got a whole lot of mileage out of that.
That's one of the pillars of this podcast.
But this, but this, it actually disturbs me.
You seem.
I gotta get disturbed, be ready, because.
Never sitting down? What Yeah, by the way, the saying is I can count on one hand, but like.
Yeah, hand on my hand. I got on my.
Hand and you can only count with one hand.
If I never jo in.
The sitting position is seated position. What did you do before like laptops and you were in front of a desktop computer at like your parents' house.
Yeah, yep, correct.
Oh, so there were years I was sitting there?
Am I bad?
No?
H corrects?
No, I just you were standing, was standing so you could like dart out the.
I could see Blake being one of those weirdos who didn't look at porn and would just like smell, like he stole a girl's a girl's sweater and he would just smell the sweater and then just jerk off while standing up looking in the mirror while he's wearing the sweater. Something like that. What I could see you doing something like that.
Very detailed, very detailed at him.
Hey, Blake, let's just say I think you're a little disturbed.
No, no, no, no, But maybe I do have an active memory. Maybe I don't need like a visual companion because in my mind I can summon things. Okay, so I don't need to be seated at that family computer to have a visual.
Well, sure you don't. You don't have to.
I'm not saying you have to. Of course, of course, the like the spontaneity hits us all at various times.
Sure, I jerked off into TJ. Maxwell's Yeah, that's when it hit him.
Wait, that sounds like you're live. That's a little disturbing, but like, okay, so are you willing to accept that you've blocked out probably years of sitting down upright at a desktop computer.
Yeah, I guess I was more thinking in my adult life, like I don't do it any longer in a seated position, like if it's gonna happen, I can't remember the last time I j O.
What about all those drives up to the Bay. That's a handful of least right there.
You're not jerking off in driving?
No, did you throw the Tony Braxton on whoa hitting.
The grape vine? Uh? While cranking down? No, well, grabbing your grape vine?
I think maybe?
Yes, the point point gosh, you guys put me to work today, Yes, your y grat I don't think that.
No.
Maybe one time I've done it on the drive from LA to the Bay. I don't really get.
Maybe Kyle was the guy that used to do it a lot.
Kyle too, I mean, my god, I think he's just looking for in my adult life. I don't think I ever find myself joeing in this seated position.
It just doesn't.
There's not really a lot of times when that happened.
So, Blake, you're at a desk right now.
Yes, should I go and I am Joe?
Yes, but I won't go to completion.
Pro There's never a time you have a toddler in your hand.
This is why I don't like talking about my kids. Hey, Blake, we got to prepare him for fatherhood. Come on, be honest.
You're in your you have like an ADU right, So it's like as a mother in law.
Suites that you're in completely detached. I completely detached. I could do whatever I want A do you for a little JOI.
So you're kind of tucked away. It's up high where you're at. I've been. It's like a lost so no one's breaking in tucked sure's there's not a time where you just after the pod or whenever you haven't met you're like, you know what I want to I'm gonna give myself a sweet tree before going and playing.
With my child and seeing what's for dinner.
Yeah, before you start to smell the hamburger helper and uh and moseyon back inside the house stovetops for dinner.
No, honestly, honestly, that moment has not come for me.
Hey, yes, points Uh.
Well, dude, so that kind of leads me to believe that maybe you don't jerk off, uh that often at all?
What is I guess what is often?
For?
If you guys want to share with what what is often? What do you mean, like, how often are you guys jerking off?
I think daily is a lot.
I think daily is a lot.
I think three times a week.
Daily's a lot for a for someone in a relationship.
Daily's a lot for people that are our age, that are in a long term, committed relationship. I think daily would be. It's just so that's a lot of doing, right.
I think three times a week you're putting in work. Yeah, okay, you know you're you're putting up numbers.
You're I'd say a couple times a week. I'd say at least once, always, once, most twice.
Oh yeah, there's no way I'm not There's no way I'm not doing it.
If the clock is about to strike midnight on a Sunday, I get it in. I excuse myself from wherever I am, and I get it in.
I say, I'm going to the adu.
I spread to the nearest adua.
Yeah, well, I wonder that's really interesting because as your life goes on, supposedly your masturbation times are supposed to decrease.
I think that's what we were told, and I don't know if it's true.
Yeah, you jerk off the most at the very beginning in retirement.
It's going to be crazy. Yeah. Then it ramps back up towards the end for sure.
Uh, because you're just killing time.
Yeah, waiting to die.
Yeah.
So what are your numbers like here, Blake, because I feel like my numbers are it's that.
Three times a week, two times a week.
But then if I'm hungover, I'll jerk off five times that day.
Dude, Adam, it's really weird you mentioned that. For some reason, when I'm hungover, I always feel the need to seed.
Yeah, you got to get the poison out points.
Yeah, what is that? What is that?
Science? Hit the button? You guys are putting me to work.
I mentioned this to Chloe because she's like, what is your deal? Why are you so horny? When you're hungover.
It's can I come in?
No? Yes, Adam.
I love that you're saying, why are you so horny when you're hungover?
Yeah? What is that?
Because obviously she's not. She's like, if we, you know, we drink together, we you know. She's like, I don't why why are you touching me? Why are you grinding up on me? And I'm like, well, now I have to jerk off five times. If you don't, don't have to texted me five times? Then I have to drink off five times.
You know where I'm going to be. And I know I like that you. I like that you say it in a normal tone when in reality, I know you scream it. That seems I know that it's that Sandy. I'm standing standing up side of the bed, t shirt on, no pants, fully and gorged, shouting, now I'm gonna jerk off five times.
I guess I had to jerk off five times.
I think maybe what I have calculated in my mind is that like I feel, I feel so bad that I want to feel I want to feel good.
That's right, that's exactly yeah.
Yeah.
But also I'm hoping that somehow the hangover comes out through my penis and it's gone for the rest of the time.
That's also what I'm Yeah, I think that's what everybody's saying.
Interesting.
But but but hang on, so you don't sit down? Where do you jerk off the roof?
He's a true work aholic.
Yeah, dude, I go to Van Eys and I go to the workhol house, I go to Hamlin and I really I really put in work. No, I feel like if I'm ever doing it, it's either laying down or standing up, but never just seated standing.
Okay, well this is a shower since you're okay.
Yeah, no, no, no, he hesitated, Uh standing up? Yeah?
Are we in socks? This is dangerous.
First of all, the shower. The shower sucks. The shower sucks. You're not into it, No, of course, ka sucks. Uh we're And and the way you hesitated when he said this is obviously a shower situation, you were like, Uh, that leads me to like you're just in a closet somewhere in your home standing.
Yeah. This is You're carrying so much shame and you don't have to.
You don't have to let it out on the pot, let it out.
I don't I feel like these are the times that I wish Kyle was here, because he would say some ship where he actually does something way up, more fucked up, and I could allow you guys to go bury him. But right now I feel like you guys are kind of piling on me.
I'm not piling I'm actually trying to get to the bottom of this because you're the one.
Who and I'm not sure I want it to get to the bottom of I don't know if I actually want to talk about this.
Oh yeah, that's fine, that's fine. We can just you know what, I will say, Kyle for sure has beat off outside more than all of us combined. That's what I think he's like, not in a good way.
He'll go take a jerk off walk.
Yeah, yeah, yes, he will take his shoes and socks off, bury them in his garden, and then beat off on his cucumbers for sure.
No, and then and then use his uh dick shovel to dig them back up. And that's how exactly.
That's how he plants his seat. He fucks the ground.
Yeah, he goes, uh, I'm I'm hunting for some earthworms, honey, and then he puts his worm in the earth man.
I've seen so many worm I'm gonna start doing that a lot.
By the way, you're catchphrase, you're suddenly just Wendy Williams.
When Williams is probably the best show of all time. She is an entertainer, she's the best.
Let me use my new cast raise.
I don't find her very fascinating.
She's so cool. I don't disagree she's fascinating.
Well, I want the world to know that Blake is choosing not to talk about Yeah, we'll move how he stands up and jerks off, and it's not the shower, And that's a secret that he's that he's willing to let be a secret instead of just.
Are you on like a indoor board? Is this like are you building skill sets?
No?
You know it's a secret. It's his secret. So now we know that Blake has a secret out there.
I just want to say that if you're doing this in stocking feet, if you have socks on, it's slippery, it's dangerous. And if that's how you die, that one's for me.
And when I start my Patreon it will be revealed and I will I will take the TII citizens that I really want to know and take them over to my Patreon and it will be you have.
To say t I nation citizens. Otherwise I don't know if it works at all. I think it works for every citizens. Blah blah blah nation. We'll work on it, all right. What do you guys got to bring to the table.
Where I mean, I'm a pretty open book. I mentioned that I jerk off. I gave times, I gave locations. I you know, I was pretty open. You you're the one with these deep dark secrets about how you jerk off.
It's a revelation though.
It really is the fact that you've that you only stand and you never sit.
The fact that Adam stands to ship and you stand to jack off. I'm like, what do I stand to do? If that's the three point stancer?
Yeah, you don't stand for anything.
That's true, damn it. I don't stand for anything spineless.
Stand for the damn flag. I'll tell you what I stand for, the damn flag. That's for damn sure?
Is that what it is? Is there an American flag in the room? Yeah? Absolutely, you take half.
I take my hat off, I put it over my heart. I stand and I start to freaking. Now that's disturbed.
Let's see that Purple Mountain majesty. Absolutely, baby, what else?
I mean, it'll be a few weeks old now, but we're we're trying to stockpile some episodes up because I'm gonna have a baby and then I'm gonna be out of commission for a few weeks, and then Kyle who no longer is part of the podcast. It can't just be two guys. It's gotta be at least three. You know, I'm gonna do you know, so in a few weeks. We're are going to come out a few weeks late. But Blake is going to the super Bowl, which I'm fine, stoked. I can't wait to hear all about it.
But the baby, Yeah, hopefully this is me two weeks into my celebration. But I I'm very excited to.
Go me two weeks good way to put it.
Yeah, it's it's the first super Bowl. This is what's crazy. It's in Las Vegas. Yeah, I know, that's a weird place to have a damn super Bowl. It's gonna be right.
Sounds fucking awesome.
It does sound awesome.
Yeah, I mean it is going to be very what you're talking about. But it's just like it's almost too awesome. That's what I'm worried about, is like, what the freaking hell it is?
I know what you're saying. It's like the it's like the city's almost kind of like if you end up somehow not going to the super Bowl for a whole other reason, you might be fine, Like there's other shit going down.
Yeah, I feel like it's the only city that can actually handle the super Bowl, like actually handle it because there's so much going on there and there's so much indoor space. You can actually once the once the game is over, all of those people can go to thirty different casinos and it won't feel that overwhelming. Yeah, when like no other city has that. And like I went to the super Bowl a few years ago Tampa Bay first the Chiefs and it was in Tampa Bay and there's like one stretch where people party in Tampa Bay and it was fucking bedlam, dude, it was. It was scary. There was multiple murders on that street that night.
That's just Tampa, baby.
It was like people got killed. There was like shootouts and ship it was wild.
But I think Tampa is like, yeah, Tampa's a wild place.
Well sure, but I'm just saying like there was like one main street, which is a lot of cities had that where it's like you know, in Austin it's like sixth Street. It's like a lot of places just have the one main drag and that's where everybody goes. But Vegas, I mean, the main drag is the Strip, but there's like forty casinos that people can get lost in. I think. I think it's a great point.
We went when it was in New York that seemed to be fine, and when I went when it was in La I mean, of course that's super duper local for a lot of people. The thing I'm noticing is that it seems like it's become and maybe it's always been this and I just haven't picked up on it, but in this era we're in of like Grant for the Gram, it seems like it's like, are you going to the Super Bowl? As if like it's it's more than just the game. If you don't give a fuck about Super Bowl, there's at least thirty parties to go to afterwards.
Yeah, That's the thing that I've noticed that's weirder in any other way, is like I think the Super Bowl started on Monday for Las Vegas, Like, there's been parties every day this week and it's only leading up to Sunday and then Sunday will will Sunday will be the grand celebration and depression.
Yeah, but I feel like people might even be fucking out of commission. I bet you that five percent of the people who are supposed to go to the Super Bowl for one reason or another aren't even gonna fucking go.
Could you imagine if you fucking got the like six thousand dollars ticket and you're just arrested.
Yeah, they're just handcuffed to a bed in the at the Bunny Ranch and.
They're like, miss dude, I promise you. There's just a lot of shit going on leading up to it. You might be too hungover or whatever, like hot at the table or like whatever, you're just not even gonna go. Just not going.
You're like, ah, wait, oh, ship the games on, like.
Like the party is gonna be going, and you're gonna be like, remember, we're gonna break this up and go to the fucking game. I don't know who knows five percent. Yeah.
Yeah, Well that being said, Blake, I'm very bummed, Uh that I'm not gonna be you know, I'm obviously I'm yeah. Our agent gave us, We gave us tickets. That's how Blake got hooked up. And I know that they offer He offered tickets to Durs and myself, And I'm bummed that I couldn't be there because I know that the game is gonna be great. I think it's gonna be a really good game. And then beyond that, the parties and how much fun we would have after the game would be and before the game and the daily would be a black game. It would be so much fun.
Just sneak out what usher usher and usher at the halftime Usher super halftime dude, Wow, how I just know how hungover you're gonna be.
You're gonna jerk off, like twelve times standing out in that hotel. We're gonna jerk might.
Do it sitting down. I might doing sitting down.
You're gonna be standing up in that hotel room, just cranking down.
I do kind of want you to try sitting down, just to like realize, like, does it feel better. It's still it's an option. I don't know if it's better for you, but it's an option, and I want you to know that it's an option.
Well, I will say it's better than standing up like a fucking loun What do.
You mean standing up? We found out Adam had a bad bag because he was sitting beating off so much that his back and they're like, well do you stand up or sit down?
Hey? That's that's that's the real stiff person.
Hey, hey, wait, hell on, we got that.
I feel like I feel like standing up.
It's like a It's almost like guys can stand up to pee, like we can do it, like I don't know if girls stand up, and I don't know if girls stand up in j oh. I feel like it's an honor to be a male and stand up.
J No, well to very cool. Well no, I couldn't have said it better myself.
It's not an honor.
No, No, How often do you think females jo standing up daily?
If I know women daily, if.
I know chicks the way I I know that, I do never.
Okay, So I'm embracing it.
So you're you're you stand up to jerk off solely because.
Because women can't okay, all right, it seems like you're rubbing it in their faces.
I stand up to Jay and that's one thing I don't want you to do is rub your j O in their faces.
Yeah. Well too late, too late, boys, too late. So Blazer, do you know where these seats are? Are you in a box? Are you down out there?
You're in a box? I know my poys up in a box.
Yeah, supposedly, I'm in the box of maybe the Jacksonville Jaguar owner. Like every owner gets a box. And I think I'm I think I'm linking up with the Jags, dude, which I dig because you guys know I Jag stand uniforms are off that jack stand and their uniforms are pretty sick. So it's a Bay Area to Jacksonville connection in the box?
So are you? I mean, are you? Do you? Are you gonna have to like beef up on your Jacksonville Jaguar knowledge because you're gonna be the owner. So you feel like maybe you should have like, yes.
Who was their quarterback?
Trevor Lawrence?
Oh yeah, I think Trevor Lawrence has the largest face I've ever seen in my life.
It's yep, it's so big, not in a bad way.
It's not a bad looking face. I'm just like it. That's a lot. He has a lot of face, it's long, it's why.
Yeah, it looks like the girl who's the witch in on the Nightmare before Christmas.
But that is not what I'm saying. I'm just saying no.
But it's not bad. It's not but not in a bad way.
I love that character, real sexy witch.
Cool.
Yeah, it's cool, and he looks great and he has great hair and he's the man.
Other than that, kind of like the mast from Saw in a good way, in a really good way, a way in a really good way.
Yeah, it looks like, well, I wonder if he's going to be I wonder if you are a football player.
Are you you go? I'm not well.
I mean, do you go to the super Bowl or or do you go? I don't give a fuck. I'm not there, so I actively don't care.
You just saw football players in New York. We went. I remember seeing Gronk and Gronk didn't play right.
Yeah, but Gronk there to make money. He was like doing endorsement deals. Shit.
But I think they go to party.
Maybe this goes back to being in Las Vegas. You go, it's Las Vegas. Everyone goes, everyone goes. It's like NBA All Star Weekend, it's green light.
We go even though we're ballers, we go, right, we go, man, let's go.
I think All Star Weekend is actually in Vegas this year for NBA. I believe let's go.
Vegas is really uh really starting to stake acclaim, reclaim, reclaim its identity.
Wait, Vegas is really starting to now steak acclaim.
I'm saying, it's saying like we are the hub, like we are.
The fun it's Las Vegas. I feel like it's been the hub.
It's been the hub, like the convention Hub.
Hear me out. They got a football team, they're getting a baseball team, they have a hockey, they're gonna they're going to get an NBA team. They're saying like, come here, now that gamble is legal. They're like, just yeah, let's fucking kick it here.
Yeah it is. It is the best. I like, I haven't been in so damn long. I went for a Green Day concert not too long ago, but then before that, it was like five plus years that I that.
I yeah, I'll be honest, I don't. I don't love Vegas. Like I'm not a Vegas guy. I think it's healthy to not say like give yourself over to Vegas, because if you do, it can be dangerous.
Sure, but I'm saying it's perfect for what it is. It's the best I think for what because none of us are like real club guys. And I think that's why we didn't like Vegas when we were younger. But now we're older, dude, So now we could go to like be a little older and like go to a dope dinner, get drunk, do some gambling, maybe go to like one of those like like really cool lounges that aren't.
Like one of those what is it call where like that, like I don't know, like they're clothes off they dance. There's people that are like not wearing all the clothes they should.
It's like a bar.
And then why and then that's that's where you don't sit down every Yeah.
Blake, Blake's standing up in the corner like doing whatever he's doing.
Is always standing Yeah, yeah, I guess that's I I noticed that about you when whenever we've been doing in a strip club together, you're always standing up. Yeah.
Huh, my hands in my pocket. Just with your friend, I want to give him a lap dance. Can't no lap no lap to dance. Sorry, move on.
Why's he got to both his hands in his pocket? No, he doesn't sit down. You can jump on his back, He'll piggyback.
You move on, Serenity.
Get on those like cool lounges that aren't a club. It's more of like you have like a dope dinner and then it's like a cool, uh upscale bar. I suppose yeah, yeah, you know.
Yeah, I think Vegas is also like diversified. They know that they want to have something for everybody.
Yeah, you could really get in the mixed, dude, to do whatever you want to do.
That's what I meant to say. You can get in the mixed. You can get in the mix.
No, I think there's a little something for everybody in Vegas, even football. Yeah. I just know that you can also get into a lot of weird shit in Vegas. What happens there stays there.
You can get into weird shipping. Yeah, I guess you can. Yeah, I guess so fucking sure.
And by weird I mean lose a lot of money. I'm just not like, I don't like to gamble.
Is that what you meant by weird? I don't think you know how the joke form works.
You don't like to gamble, not even not even like a little bit like like what we did when we were in gamp in Philly and we're at the parks, Parks.
Calino, Ben's Salem.
We're in beautiful Ben Salem.
Uh.
You don't even like to gamble, which is a few hundred bucks play some blackjack? Is that kind of thing?
Not really?
I like it. I also like to throw some craps around, throw some dice.
But you go in thinking you're gonna win. I go in knowing I'm gonna lose, and then we all end up losing.
I go in knowing I'm gonna lose, and I'm just like, how long can I fucking string this along? Me too?
But what's so fun about going in like, yo, I'm about to lose fucking all the money I just took out of this ato because the drinks are free.
Yeah, the drinks are free, and you're doing your shouting and.
No, they're not free. They cost as much money as you just took out of it. They're actually more expensive than normal just because you get to playing.
That's that's not how reality works. They're not more expensive than normal.
You are the target audience for a casino because you're like, oh, I'm getting free beers, but really you're dropping fucking five six, seven hundred dollars out of blackjack table.
But also I couldn't be winning or I'm losing. So like if I'm winning, great, but I'm also losing and paying to be playing. Yeah, like the entertainment. I pay for the entertainment of playing, and then the drinks are free.
I understand the contents.
It's like, hey, you know, it's like how you know, weird things having in Vegas.
I understand playing blackjack isn't that fun. I'd rather play fucking Mario Brothers. That's a little more stimulating than playing blackjacks.
If they do, I would love to go to a casino where I can play Mario for a thousand bucks.
And I bet I would.
I bet I would. You can play the mlooth Brothers.
I don't think that they have Mario, but they actually do have video games that you can gamble on in Vegas. Where is it they have like the video game lounges. They're they're all over I think all the main casinos.
I know he is listening.
Well, I don't if it's like modern warfare. I don't know if I can hang, but if they have like contra, I think I could. I think I could make some money like sign me Up or bubble Bobble or balloon fight. I'm really good at those times.
Well, I don't know, maybe if they have balloon fight, your radar at them. I don't think they have contra or balloon fight, but yeah, I'm.
Sure not sure about balloon fight.
I don't know.
What I want to do in Vegas is I want to go. I've never gone and just sat there and like they're in March and chircked off. And I've never gone and just watched like March Madness and gone like during March Madness.
And just watching games at one of those giant bars. Yeah.
Yeah, one of those sports books and you just go with your buddies and put money onto all the games. So it's like, you know, it's extra exciting, and then just sit there and get drunk and sit there all day long.
Isn't Isn't it? Isn't there a place called sports book? I think my homie is a bartender there, the guy I went to high school with.
Oh, every casino has this sports book that's what it's called.
I think there's a place called sports Book where like it's a rooftop outdoor bar with a giant fucking TV.
My don't mind if I do.
If that's the one, like with the pool, I feel like they like, yeah, they it's like off.
The strip, it's a little down the road. Anyway, put my feelers out, check it out. I'll put you in touch.
Well, I'm excited for you, Blake.
I hope as we're speaking, my team won. I hope they have contrast.
I personally hope your team doesn't win, doesn't win.
But yeah, why is that?
Well, my family were Midwestern and they all are huge Kansas City fans. So you know, you.
Guys already won a bunch, man, just give me this one.
So is the forty nine ers. Dude, they've also won a fucking time.
It was so long ago I was just a baby.
Weren't they just there and lost it?
Yeah?
Yeah, they've lost very recently several times. Dude, Come on, so that's what they do. Let us get over to the hump.
Yeah yeah, yeah, I'm with you. I understand, And that's why I'm like, if the Chiefs lose, sick my boy Blake is having a fucking awesome time in Vegas a lot, So I'm not that mad at it. But but I think it's cool that they have such a dynasty as the Kent City Chiefs. So I think it's pretty rare.
It's special, it's it's to be respected. Yeah, I do like watching christ and McCaffrey play.
Yes, in those pants? Is that you're saying that dude, as the kids say, he got a cheat code? Absolutely, you're saying in those pants or what?
I don't even know what that means.
You like, just watch him play in the pant those pants, you like football pants, those type football pants or what?
What? What do you mean?
Do you like football pants? I like watching him play football.
Okay, okay, in those pants.
Yeah he's wearing like okay, he is wearing pants, right, Okay, So I'm sorry. I thought I wasn't sure what you're saying. Yeah, but I do he would like seeing him play in those I know.
I know my boy durs When he says things like that, I feel he's a little a little disturbed.
You're right, because when I see Christian McCaffrey come on screen in those pants, it's like.
Wait, I that was not That was not an ali.
That was a long way to go.
But I will have my finger ready. I feel like when you watch him, you know, here's my thing. When I watch him play, he's so fucking fast. His legs are willing so quickly, and he's cutting left and right. That you go, yeah, that makes sense. But when I watched Travis Kelcey, I don't understand how he's always in the right place at the right time. He doesn't seem like especially quick or like that he makes these crazy cuts. He just seems like he gets to where the ball's gonna go and he brings it down. I mean, it's some outrageously what is the wild catches in the last game. But I'm always like.
Well, he's a tight end. Tight ends, that's they're not wide receivers. They don't have like the quickness. They're just big, like freaking hulks.
And he's just a giant.
But what was like Terrell Owens, he was a wide receiver and he has any fucking fast as fuck and cutting people and.
Yeah, dude, wide receivers are insane. That's like Jerry right, and so wait, sorry, what's Travis kelce d d so when they aren't catching the ball, they're like blocking, so they have to be like really big dudes. But when they do catch the ball, and if they're athletic, then all of a sudden, it's like a tank running down the field.
And it was my boy, Tony Gonzalez that kind of changed the modern day tight end.
Correct, there we go, that's Kansas City, right.
Yeah, it was a Kansas City chief, Tony Gonzalez, who I did that Amazon commercial with super nice guy, great skin and he still looks like he could play football. The guys like still just jagged, like did not let himself go so and I was right next to him standing the entire time. But yeah, so he kind of changed what the modern day tight end is is like a little more athletic than what they used to be, much like the Grondkinader. And then now we got Travis Kelcey.
Oh yeah, big gronk. Yeah, big guys.
Gronk at least with like fake he'd like make cuts.
They're just make you seem like he's a little more athletic.
I think, so he seemed like he was. I mean, he's so big that like he's so big you don't realize how fast he is. Yeah, you just want to see him standing there in his pants.
I'd rather see him sitting down, Honestly, I'd love to see what down. I feel like he could do a lot sitting down, just like just like my homies.
So what why why can't you? I've got family coming in town and Chloe's giving birth next week. That's why I'm not going to the super Bowl, durs. You just have like family stuff.
Emma's going skiing. I'm with the kids all weekend. There we go. Do you think bad point?
Do you think you get tad points by taking you take them to Vegas?
Yeah?
You you know, you stay at a kid friendly hotel, the Circus Circus.
Yeah, I feel like he could be fun.
You pay the waiter to watch them in the pool, give them a bucket of quarters. Yeah yeah, you give them a bucket of quarters and say hit hit the arcade.
Which, by the way, this is what my parents used to do.
Like, yeah, wait, the first casino you ever went to was it with your parents?
Right? Yes? And it was the uh, what's the like Aladdin's Castle one, the one that is like in Vegas.
In Vegas? You went to Vegas? That was your first Uh, casino experience.
Yeah, I think so. Like I was like fourteen or thirteen, however old that's damn and uh we stayed at what's the one that that like the dragon comes out and breeze fire Excaloxcalibur. We stayed there by the way.
Yeah, fucking place rocks.
It doesn't, dude, it doesn't.
It's reeks hilarious.
It reeks a mold.
It's pretty bad.
Yeah, is it still there? I love that it's so bad. That's what I love about.
Yeah, it's so bad.
They're going to tear it down soon, right.
They have to if it's not already gone.
And then and then they like were like, hey, we'll take you to Circus Circus. That'll be fun. And then we go to Circus Circus and then they I mean, they're not like degenerate gamblers, but they're in Vegas, so they're gonna want to like gamble a little bit. And then they just gave us quarters and we just sat at the shitty arcade at Circus Circus and played play video games.
Time Crisis, Like, did your parents take you to Vegas?
This is not on my childhood.
No, I didn't go to Vegas.
My parents were cheap, and they got like a it was like a discounted tickets and hotel room stay because you can. They do give great discounts. That'd being said, it's don't take your children to Vegas unless especially if your kid is like thirteen fourteen. I was so horny.
Yeah, I do like the idea of my me like sending my kids to like the slot machine and then just they're at tal just fucking it's holding it down in a cabana. Yeah, they probably could, dude, They're so jacked, they'd probably do well.
They're ripped, they're shredded, shredded.
The first time I ever went to Vegas was I think it was my eighteenth birthday and my dad and my stepmom they took me to see the Blue Man Group and that shit was off the fucking hook.
Dude, we went to Vegas once with you and your dad? Was that your twenty first birthday?
That was my twenty first and the wheels really came off. That shit was fun too, and then.
We I remember, for whatever reasons I look back, it must have been kind of cold because I was like wearing a cardigan, and I, by the way, hate cardigans.
Yeah.
Never wore them, and for whatever reason.
It was the it was the era.
This this Vega, this Vegas trip. I'm wearing a goddamn cardigan.
I think I think we were all like tried to dress as cool as we could. And you so somehow found a cardigan somewhere and you're like, I think this is what's trending right now.
Yeah. I think we tried to like age up like ourselves, to be like not just like because we looked like children when we were twenty Oh my god. Well not Kyle kind of always looked like a thirty eight year old divorced dad. But yeah, but we looked like kids. And uh, and I think that was my way of looking a little older is a.
It's like, yo, mister Rogers.
If you told me Blake was wearing a fedora during this time, I would believe.
That I wasn't.
But I was definitely wearing like a black T shirt that had like fake jewelry like on it.
Out like the necklace print or whatever.
Yes, yes, I'll post it.
That's cool.
I have a lot of photos. It's my twenty first birthday, so I have those photos. But I went there before that. I went for my eighteenth birthday. I saw Blue Man Group and I think I saw David Copperfield too, which was fucking off the chains.
See that's what I'm saying. By the way, I want to do what and what movie was it that? Was it super bad? Not super bad? Was it knocked up?
This is?
This is where they go and was it.
This supporting and they go and do uh maybe it is knocked out.
Yeah, they go and do mushrooms and then see circus so late. I'm like that to me sounds like an absolute wonderful day in Vegas.
You can you watch the super Bowl with this new sphere thing? I gotta go to the sphere? Can you watch the Super Bowl? Are they gonna er?
That would be brilliant. Of course I don't think that is what is happening, but that would be absolutely brilliant. But also I don't know, what would it be like watching a football game in a like dome form Awesome?
Well, dude, it would be. It'd be like you're at the game.
It would be great.
It would be fucking phenomenal.
Yeah, I feel like you might want to throw up too.
Though they would sort it out.
Well, you're not watching it like it's you're not like hovering above. It'll be like the game is happening here and then this.
So it'd be all around you.
When you watch football, it's straight ahead. It would be three sixty.
I guess what. I would trust the people who develop the way you watch things to do it right. Not year one, not year one, What do you mean they've been people have been going that set. It's off the fucking chain.
It does look cool, but they're not ready to pipe in the super Bowl. Maybe year five they'll be ready.
Listen to me, all they have to do is just broadcast it as a big ass TV and had the recipe black. It can be the sky, it can be whatever.
Well, then why would you want to be in there? That place seems like it sucks. You're trapped in up fucking because.
You're with twenty thousand people watching a game, drinking and kicking it.
It doesn't sound bad.
That's literally every casino like sports room like, but it's so much bigger, dude, it's not.
It's not. It's it's the it's the because it's the sphere and you're with the five thousand other people. However, many people fit in this goddamn.
Sphere look, just because you're actually going in the game. Fuck you you can come too. Come on, bring the boys, let's go, dude, Yeah.
Bring the play go.
I wanted to take them to a monster truck rally. But it's next weekend.
God damn, what the hell, let's go.
I think it was this past weekend.
Uh.
Down here in Anaheim, it was the past and it's the next That's what got my I was like, oh, it's probably a couple of weekends, and uh I was wrong. What else? What else? What else?
What else to talk about? That's Blake Blake to tell us his mystery.
Uh, no, way that. Actually I have something I'd like to bring up. Did you know that they are discontinuing just continuing fruit stripe gum?
You guys? Any apologies?
Dude?
Didn't he take that?
Doesn't? I think we can even skip it. Uh let's see, I'll see around Blake, have a good.
Time, Blake. I mean, yeah, that that gum sucks and it probably shouldn't.
No, no, no, no, it is what it is in terms of flavor. But I feel like it means something to me.
I feel like it means something. Oh, I think they're saying it's over and they're just going to bring it back with flavor.
So people like Blake or like it means something to me that gum due does.
Like remember when like they were like we're closing, Nate. Now it's like, isn't that ship back open? And everyone is writing like these diatribes on Instagram about like the first meeting I ever took about being a writer?
Was it? Well, say classic American Los Angeles diner, right, Nate, now, yes, yes, yes, this is a gum.
And I would say the fruit striped gum is a quintessential gum for children across.
The fruit stripe gum no juicy fruit. I think it's worldwide. You take juicy fruit over over fruit striped gum.
Fruit stripe was the one with like little zebras on it, and ship the zebra.
Was cool, yes, and tattoos and tattoos like temporary tattoos.
It doesn't mean anything to me.
And it was bigger, you got way more pieces.
I honestly want to say that last thing I ever bought with my own money was a fruit stripe gum.
If you were to tell me that their discontinuous.
Is a fruit stripe gun gone.
If you were to tell me that they're discontinuing like now and later.
I'm disturbed.
Then I would be they would do something to me, but fruit striped gone now and later.
Yeah, but they wouldn't discontinue now and later.
No, now and laters aren't aren't that good?
I would?
I agree? I actually hate now laters.
Yeah, they're too hard.
I can't. I'm like this, I'm like, this is going to be living in my teeth. I can't get this out because.
You save it for later.
Sure, sure, okay, fair enough.
You have some now and then some of it gets stuck in your teeth, and that's the later.
When they're too hard. They're kind of sharp too. When they're hard, Yeah, stiff man, And can we chop? Can we chop that sound bite? Because I need that for the board?
Had hard?
Yeah, I just like, I don't know, you need another four inches? Remember when you would suck the jolly the flat long jolly brancher, you could suck into a shape, dude. And can I get that for the board?
Everything that would slob into a shank as it can?
Can I get that for the board? The jolly rand, the big flat jolly rancher, you could you could just suck it in a way, dude, dude that you could turn into a sharp ass shank or.
Like a candy cane when you would just deep throat it and then slob on it until sure it would get into a shank or like.
Like a like a like a raw cabasa, and you would just kind of nibble on the tip a little bit and just sort of like tease tease the tip of it.
Now we were talking candy, dude, you know you got you get all sexual with it?
Are you trying? I don't know. I feel like you're trying to do a joke or something. We're talking about candy.
It's not all about bits here. Okay, you brought up the gum?
Can you tell us the tale of Rumpel? Still skin right quick? You wish?
No, no, we gotta do durseys uh kid's story Corners huns Christian unders stories.
Yeah, what do you got, dude? You got something?
Man?
Humpty dumpty? What do we got? Bro? Hit us with it? Did he write The Little Mermaid?
It's possible.
I think I think you might have ye class damn class.
I would love to hear that ship Hans Christian Anderson is that right, it's Christian Anderson.
He's got some bangers, dude.
That guy knew was up.
I got a five hundred page book of Hans Christian Andersen stories.
I remember when you bought that.
Yeah, huh, I don't like it. I bought in college, but I love you. No, Adam bought it for you.
No, I remember you at least having that when we were like young, and you were like, I have this five hundred page book, and I was.
Like, carries it around all the time.
He's fucking weirdo, dude.
I was like, how many pages.
Keeps like windows propped open? It's stick enough to keep a window open, little breeze.
And yeah, it's your doorstop.
Yeah, this dude would pull up the Second City with the fucking Hans Christian Anderson book, Like have you heard the Tale of I'm what's crazy?
Is I read? I only read it standing up.
All of his references are the Goldie Locks and rumpel Stilts.
Mm hmma, I don't know.
Guy.
He does have hell a banger though that You're like, oh, that's you think it was all the same guy.
All of Jersey's improv beats where I'm gonna huff and puff and blow over this door. We're like, uh, well we're in a doctor's office, but all.
Right, crossbows and mustaches is actually uh hons and Fritz the fucking.
The first The first season of Workaholics was too cold, the second season was too hot, the third was just right, and then four or five six that.
Is due reading the list of things. Oh, the Emperor's new clothes. We all know that bad.
Oh, that one's actually really cool. That's where he just has public nudity.
Yeah, he's all button naked.
And that's when you just turn on CNN and they're all like, it's just the Emperor's new clothes.
All right, that's Drake.
Oh topical hold.
Of any take backs, apologies and the epic slam boys.
Oh man, I just want to take back anything I said that made Blake feel uncomfortable about usually jacking off standing up. I think it's cool for you, it's not necessarily what I prefer.
Yeah, yeah, I also was going to bring that.
And it's not like I've never done it. I've definitely done it. But on one hand, how many times.
We've all done it. It's weird how Blake was so kind of standoffish and defensive about how much he's done it or like where he does it. Usually we're all very open and honest and it's cool, and I'm sure I'm the ugly definitely give flowers because we don't do that, but I think it is. I would like to pay my respects to Blake for keeping some things for himself and have his secrets, okay.
And just to kind of the princess and the peak. Yeah, and just to kind.
Of build off what you guys are talking about, like fruit Stripe, gun Man, I'm gonna miss you man, all right.
Yeah, we can end it there, all right, And that's another episode
