"You'll change your mind." "Who's going to take care of you when you're older?" Black women who say they don't want children hear some version of this constantly, and the decision often gets treated as a betrayal of family and community. Today we're joined by licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Lana Holmes to talk about why a personal choice draws so much outside commentary. Dr. Lana and I chatted about the difference between being child free and being childless, how the legacy of chattel slavery and domestic work still shapes what's expected of Black women's bodies, what dating looks like when you know kids aren't part of your plan, and the missing supports (childcare, perinatal care, safety) that have more people questioning whether parenthood is for them. She also shares what being child free has made room for in her own life.

In this episode:
Why "I don't want kids" gets heard as a personal attack, and how cisheteropatriarchy and misogynoir feed that reaction
What gets lost when we collapse child free and childless into one category
The strong Black woman and mammy archetypes, and the expectation that Black women will mother at work and in community whether or not they have children
Vetting partners while dating, plus a script for telling mom and the aunties
What to weigh if you're still deciding, starting with your gut response and moving into the support you can count on

About the Podcast

The Therapy for Black Girls Podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed Psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, about all things mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves.

Resources & Announcements

Want to reflect on this conversation in community? Join us inside our Patreon community where we’re unpacking this episode together.

You can now catch episodes of the Therapy for Black Girls podcast on YouTube. Be sure to subscribe to get new episodes every week. 

Did you know you can leave us a voice note with your questions for the podcast? If you have a question you'd like some feedback on, topics you'd like to hear covered, or want to suggest movies or books for us to review, drop us a message at memo.fm/therapyforblackgirls and let us know what’s on your mind. We just might share it on the podcast.

Grab your copy of Sisterhood Heals.

Connect with Dr. Joy on Instagram. 

 

Where to Find Our Guest

Website: https://www.inclusivetherapywellness.com/lana

 

Stay Connected​


Is there a topic you'd like covered on the podcast? Submit it at therapyforblackgirls.com/mailbox.

If you're looking for a therapist in your area, check out the directory at https://www.therapyforblackgirls.com/directory.

Grab your copy of our guided affirmation and other TBG Merch at therapyforblackgirls.com/shop.

The hashtag for the podcast is #TBGinSession.

 

Make sure to follow us on social media:

Instagram: @therapyforblackgirls

Facebook: @therapyforblackgirls

 

Our Production Team

Executive Producers: Dennison Bradford & Gabrielle Collins

Director of Podcast & Digital Content: Ellice Ellis

Producer: Ndeye Thioubou 

Production Assistant: Bria Mosley

"You'll change your mind." "Who's going to take care of you when you're older?" Black women who say they don't want children hear some version of this constantly, and the decision often gets treated as a betrayal of family and community. Today we're joined by licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Lana Holmes to talk about why a personal choice draws so much outside commentary. Dr. Lana and I chatted about the difference between being child free and being childless, how the legacy of chattel slavery and domestic work still shapes what's expected of Black women's bodies, what dating looks like when you know kids aren't part of your plan, and the missing supports (childcare, perinatal care, safety) that have more people questioning whether parenthood is for them. She also shares what being child free has made room for in her own life.
In this episode:
<ul>
<li aria-level="1">Why "I don't want kids" gets heard as a personal attack, and how cisheteropatriarchy and misogynoir feed that reaction</li>
<li aria-level="1">What gets lost when we collapse child free and childless into one category</li>
<li aria-level="1">The strong Black woman and mammy archetypes, and the expectation that Black women will mother at work and in community whether or not they have children</li>
<li aria-level="1">Vetting partners while dating, plus a script for telling mom and the aunties</li>
<li aria-level="1">What to weigh if you're still deciding, starting with your gut response and moving into the support you can count on</li>
</ul>
About the Podcast
The Therapy for Black Girls Podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed Psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, about all things mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves.
Resources &amp; Announcements
Want to reflect on this conversation in community?&nbsp;Join us inside our&nbsp;<a href="https://community.therapyforblackgirls.com/">Patreon</a>&nbsp;community where we&rsquo;re unpacking this episode together.
You can now catch episodes of the Therapy for Black Girls podcast on&nbsp;<a href="https://www.youtube.com/@therapyforblackgirls">YouTube</a>. Be sure to subscribe to get new episodes every week.&nbsp;
Did you know you can leave us a voice note with your questions for the podcast? If you have a question you'd like some feedback on, topics you'd like to hear covered, or want to suggest movies or books for us to review, drop us a message at<a href="https://memo.fm/therapyforblackgirls">&nbsp;memo.fm/therapyforblackgirls</a>&nbsp;and let us know what&rsquo;s on your mind. We just might share it on the podcast.
Grab your copy of&nbsp;<a href="https://www.sisterhoodheals.com/">Sisterhood Heals.</a>
Connect with Dr. Joy on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/hellodrjoy">Instagram</a>.&nbsp;
&nbsp;
Where to Find Our Guest
Website: <a href="https://www.inclusivetherapywellness.com/lana">https://www.inclusivetherapywellness.com/lana</a>
&nbsp;
Stay Connected​<a href="https://click.convertkit-mail.com/27uv20p9mpioh8edr34s8ug63w344hg/58hvh8ug08p6wzc6/dGhlcmFweWZvcmJsYWNrZ2lybHMuY29tb3JibGFja2dpcmxzLmNvbS9wYXRyZW9u" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://click.convertkit-mail.com/27uv20p9mpioh8edr34s8ug63w344hg/58hvh8ug08p6wzc6/dGhlcmFweWZvcmJsYWNrZ2lybHMuY29tb3JibGFja2dpcmxzLmNvbS9wYXRyZW9u&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1748492695474000&amp;usg=AOvVaw0jCyXCs32ITtLc68f4b9DW"> </a>
Is there a topic you'd like covered on the podcast? Submit it at&nbsp;<a href="https://www.therapyforblackgirls.com/mailbox">therapyforblackgirls.com/mailbox</a>.
If you're looking for a therapist in your area, check out the directory at&nbsp;<a href="https://www.therapyforblackgirls.com/directory">https://www.therapyforblackgirls.com/directory</a>.
Grab your copy of our guided affirmation and other TBG Merch at&nbsp;<a href="https://therapyforblackgirls.com/shop">therapyforblackgirls.com/shop</a>.
The hashtag for the podcast is&nbsp;#TBGinSession.
&nbsp;
Make sure to follow us on social media:
Instagram:&nbsp;<a href="https://www.instagram.com/therapyforblackgirls">@therapyforblackgirls</a>
Facebook:&nbsp;<a href="https://www.facebook.com/therapyforblackgirls">@therapyforblackgirls</a>
&nbsp;
Our Production Team
Executive Producers: Dennison Bradford &amp; Gabrielle Collins
Director of Podcast &amp; Digital Content: Ellice Ellis
Producer: Ndeye Thioubou&nbsp;
Production Assistant: Bria Mosley

The Therapy for Black Girls podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, about all things mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible version of ourselves.

Therapy for Black Girls

Session 483: "You'll Change Your Mind" and Other Things to Stop Saying to Child Free Women

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/af0123f5-5440-47d5-b9c8-b4d5002343a3/transcript