Dr. Marisa Franco is back, and this time she's turning her attention from friendship to something underneath it: self-worth. Her new book, Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment, starts with a confession. While her relationship was falling apart, she was performing security, saying all the right things, staying calm, doing everything the books tell you to do, while quietly abandoning what she actually felt. She and Dr. Joy talk through why that kind of self-abandonment is so familiar to Black women in particular, and what it costs us.

The conversation moves through what Dr. Franco calls the difference between the good twin and the bad twin of high self-esteem, both of whom say they feel good about themselves, but only one of whom can sit with a hard feeling instead of pushing it away. She explains why insecurity isn't a flaw so much as a coping strategy our brains developed to protect us from repeat harm, and introduces memory reconsolidation, the idea that revisiting an old memory with care can actually change its emotional charge and help you feel safer moving forward.

They also dig into stigma, identity stretching, and what happens when we spend our lives chronically evaluating ourselves against an ideal we didn't choose. Dr. Franco talks about raising kids with real self-worth instead of just confidence, why chasing achievement often keeps us from feeling anything at all, and what it means to aim for secure-ish instead of secure.

Resources & Announcements

Want to reflect on this conversation in community? Join us inside our Patreon community where we’re unpacking this episode together.

You can now catch episodes of the Therapy for Black Girls podcast on YouTube. Be sure to subscribe to get new episodes every week. 

Did you know you can leave us a voice note with your questions for the podcast? If you have a question you'd like some feedback on, topics you'd like to hear covered, or want to suggest movies or books for us to review, drop us a message at memo.fm/therapyforblackgirls and let us know what’s on your mind. We just might share it on the podcast.

Grab your copy of Sisterhood Heals.

 

Where to Find Our Guest

Grab your copy of Worth

Instagram: @drmarisagfranco 

Website: drmarisagfranco.com 

Newsletter: Attached (on Substack) 

 

Stay Connected​


Is there a topic you'd like covered on the podcast? Submit it at therapyforblackgirls.com/mailbox.

If you're looking for a therapist in your area, check out the directory at https://www.therapyforblackgirls.com/directory.

Grab your copy of our guided affirmation and other TBG Merch at therapyforblackgirls.com/shop.

The hashtag for the podcast is #TBGinSession.

 

Make sure to follow us on social media:

Instagram: @therapyforblackgirls

Facebook: @therapyforblackgirls

 

Our Production Team

Executive Producers: Dennison Bradford & Gabrielle Collins

Director of Podcast & Digital Content: Ellice Ellis

Producer: Ndeye Thioubou 

Production Assistant: Bria Mosley

Dr. Marisa Franco is back, and this time she's turning her attention from friendship to something underneath it: self-worth. Her new book, Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment, starts with a confession. While her relationship was falling apart, she was performing security, saying all the right things, staying calm, doing everything the books tell you to do, while quietly abandoning what she actually felt. She and Dr. Joy talk through why that kind of self-abandonment is so familiar to Black women in particular, and what it costs us.
The conversation moves through what Dr. Franco calls the difference between the good twin and the bad twin of high self-esteem, both of whom say they feel good about themselves, but only one of whom can sit with a hard feeling instead of pushing it away. She explains why insecurity isn't a flaw so much as a coping strategy our brains developed to protect us from repeat harm, and introduces memory reconsolidation, the idea that revisiting an old memory with care can actually change its emotional charge and help you feel safer moving forward.
They also dig into stigma, identity stretching, and what happens when we spend our lives chronically evaluating ourselves against an ideal we didn't choose. Dr. Franco talks about raising kids with real self-worth instead of just confidence, why chasing achievement often keeps us from feeling anything at all, and what it means to aim for secure-ish instead of secure.
Resources &amp; Announcements
Want to reflect on this conversation in community?&nbsp;Join us inside our&nbsp;<a href="https://community.therapyforblackgirls.com/">Patreon</a>&nbsp;community where we&rsquo;re unpacking this episode together.
You can now catch episodes of the Therapy for Black Girls podcast on&nbsp;<a href="https://www.youtube.com/@therapyforblackgirls">YouTube</a>. Be sure to subscribe to get new episodes every week.&nbsp;
Did you know you can leave us a voice note with your questions for the podcast? If you have a question you'd like some feedback on, topics you'd like to hear covered, or want to suggest movies or books for us to review, drop us a message at<a href="https://memo.fm/therapyforblackgirls">&nbsp;memo.fm/therapyforblackgirls</a>&nbsp;and let us know what&rsquo;s on your mind. We just might share it on the podcast.
Grab your copy of&nbsp;<a href="https://www.sisterhoodheals.com/">Sisterhood Heals.</a>
&nbsp;
Where to Find Our Guest
Grab your copy of <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/20534/9798217046591">Worth</a>
Instagram: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/drmarisagfranco/?hl=en">@drmarisagfranco&nbsp;</a>
Website: <a href="http://drmarisagfranco.com">drmarisagfranco.com&nbsp;</a>
Newsletter: <a href="https://drmarisagfranco.substack.com/">Attached (on Substack)&nbsp;</a>
&nbsp;
Stay Connected​<a href="https://click.convertkit-mail.com/27uv20p9mpioh8edr34s8ug63w344hg/58hvh8ug08p6wzc6/dGhlcmFweWZvcmJsYWNrZ2lybHMuY29tb3JibGFja2dpcmxzLmNvbS9wYXRyZW9u" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://click.convertkit-mail.com/27uv20p9mpioh8edr34s8ug63w344hg/58hvh8ug08p6wzc6/dGhlcmFweWZvcmJsYWNrZ2lybHMuY29tb3JibGFja2dpcmxzLmNvbS9wYXRyZW9u&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1748492695474000&amp;usg=AOvVaw0jCyXCs32ITtLc68f4b9DW"> </a>
Is there a topic you'd like covered on the podcast? Submit it at&nbsp;<a href="https://www.therapyforblackgirls.com/mailbox">therapyforblackgirls.com/mailbox</a>.
If you're looking for a therapist in your area, check out the directory at&nbsp;<a href="https://www.therapyforblackgirls.com/directory">https://www.therapyforblackgirls.com/directory</a>.
Grab your copy of our guided affirmation and other TBG Merch at&nbsp;<a href="https://therapyforblackgirls.com/shop">therapyforblackgirls.com/shop</a>.
The hashtag for the podcast is&nbsp;#TBGinSession.
&nbsp;
Make sure to follow us on social media:
Instagram:&nbsp;<a href="https://www.instagram.com/therapyforblackgirls">@therapyforblackgirls</a>
Facebook:&nbsp;<a href="https://www.facebook.com/therapyforblackgirls">@therapyforblackgirls</a>
&nbsp;
Our Production Team
Executive Producers: Dennison Bradford &amp; Gabrielle Collins
Director of Podcast &amp; Digital Content: Ellice Ellis
Producer: Ndeye Thioubou&nbsp;
Production Assistant: Bria Mosley

The Therapy for Black Girls podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, about all things mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible version of ourselves.

Therapy for Black Girls

Session 481: What Worth Actually Means with Dr. Marisa Franco

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/971016b9-2e57-40fb-a0ba-b4c7002438b7/transcript