Candice Swanepoel and Joan Smalls have been friends for 15 years. Now there are cryptic comments, talk of broken girl code and, allegedly, Tom Brady at the centre of it all. Laura and Tina trace the rift, unpack the rumoured backstory and agree on one thing: Joan should be as petty as she likes.

Then Taika Waititi has hit back after Clara and the Sun landed a 28% critic score, calling critics “sad, lost souls” who couldn’t make it as artists. Laura is furious. Tina is considerably less rattled. And it sparks a bigger question about what criticism is actually for, and whether anyone can still have an honest opinion when bad reviews chase clicks and glowing ones chase invites.

Plus, Jamie Dornan has been cast as Aragorn in The Hunt for Gollum. Laura sees “a weakness to that man”. Tina sees a future classic and has made a Photoshopped image to prove it. Laura calls it uncanny valley Viggo. Tina would frame it.

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