When two new callers who have been hurt by loved ones join Iyanla to explore the path toward healing, she has them pause and first acknowledge how they truly feel. The first caller is a gay man who has been looked down on by his religious family for years to the point where he feels completely cut off. And Iyanla’s second caller, a woman who has always doubted herself, must first admit that she is deeply, deeply hurt.
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I am a Yamla. I had a baby daddy relationship, I spent time in a relationship with a married man. I had to learn the skills and tools required to make my relationships healthy, fulfilling and loving. Welcome to the Our Spot, a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio, Grind Rising and Welcome to the Our Spot. Today's topic is so important, self worth and how it impacts and is impacted by what we believe we deserve. I am a Yamla, your host here to support you in creating or recreating, building or rebuilding, growing, healing, banding, mutually, respectful, fulfilling, loving relationships in every area of your life, with your family, in your professional and social life, in your bedroom, and in the kitchen, because what you do in those two rooms often determines how you feel in every other area of your life. Relationships, they are desired the most, and they can be the very thing that drives most of us crazy. And that's because we often fear asking for what we want, or we settle for less than we want, or we accept what shows up, hoping, wishing and trying to make it something else. And no matter who you are, all of our relationships are going to reflect back to us the truth, often the secret or silent truth of what we believe we can have and what we believe we deserve. Even when we think we want more or deserve more, for some reason, we will hold on to or try to fix those relationships that are not fulfilling our needs. It's just a human thing. I don't know you know. Greetings beloved, and welcome to the our spot. We are talking about self worth today. What is it? Do you have it? Where'd you get it? And if not, why not? What do you have that we can nibble on together today?
I have been wrestling with my own self worth in relation to my relationship with my father as a gay man. My father does not approve of me, and it has really become a major issue in my life to where I find myself. I find myself performing to try to seek love and attention and two degrees and a certification later, and I still don't have his approval or acceptance. And it's a really long, drawn out, dramatic story. But ultimately he did apologize to me a couple of years ago, and I was living in Atlanta at the time, and so I ended up moving back home to Phoenix to try to rekindle our relationship and my wordship with my siblings because he essentially cut off that relationship with him there and I'm the oldest child and so all of my siblings are kind of like my children, and he, because I've read, helped raise them. And so I was like, this is the perfect opportunity is for us to rebuild, and ultimately thinks have just gotten worse. He hasn't really shown up for me the way he said that he was going to. He's like, I'm want to start reaching out more and all of that, and ultimately he's like stunted with guilt and he sees the fruit of what he's sown between the relationship between me and him and my siblings, and it's just become a mess.
Can I ask you a question? First of all, thank you for sharing your experience so authentically. I really feel your heart and your sharing. But tell me what does this mean? He does not approve of me.
So my background, my mother is Christian and my dad is a Muslim specifically Nation of Islam, and so very strict religious beliefs when it comes to homosexuality, and he doesn't know how to compartmental lie that part of me, you know, hate the sin, love, the ciner type of thing. But he just sees me as gay. Like when I walk in the room. We had a conversation and I was like, you know, I could be so much worse. I could be a drug dealer, I could be, you know, a murderer or whatever, and I feel like you would love me and accept me more then, And he was just like, yeah, I don't know why it is, but it just as soon as you walk in the room, that's the first thing I recognize about you. And I just can't get over that. That's what I mean.
So are you saying that his opinion about you is stronger than your opinion about yourself?
It has been in the past. I'm working out of that, but you know, I just I would love to have his approval, and not only just his approval, his wisdom that he has and like guiding me and I kind of avoided a lot of things that I've gone through and put myself in my life. I feel if I had a relationship with my father.
Okay, I want to share with you my definition or the definition that we're working with today as it relates to self worth, okay, okay, and then we're gonna break that down and we're gonna fill it in for you. Self worth is what you request, what you require, and what you expect for yourself and from others as a function or reflection of how you see and hold yourself within yourself. So what are you requesting as it relates to your father, What are you requesting for yourself?
I'm requesting that I find the things that I'm looking for from my father within myself. I no longer need to seek or want his validation or really to have him in my life in that way, because I've tried to distance myself from and I try to set boundaries, and I still have dreams about him, and I just I want to remove that desire and also find the things that I'm looking for in myself.
Okay, So let me fast track you here, because for me, what you would be requesting of your father is at the grandest level, acceptance of who you are, and that the smaller level, just respect for how you self identify. Let me go here, how you see and hold yourself within yourself that determines what you expect from others. Because see, in life, just as a function of cause and effect. You don't get what you ask for. You don't get what you want, you get what you expect. So what I see, according to the law, and I'm willing to be wrong, Okay, what I see is that you expect people to judge you, criticize, you, demean you, denounce you, diminish you because you're gay.
Yes, and.
Right there, right there, hold it, right there, take a breath that you expect. And maybe from when you were younger and you realize you were gay and it wasn't accepted and people called your names, maybe it's that what you experienced early in life as it relates to how you self identify as a gay man. You expect people to criticize, judge, demean, diminish, denounce you. Yeah, so your father is simply reflecting back to you a part of yourself, even if it's it's a tiny small part of yourself that still expects that. But here's the singer that you're ready for. The singer. This is a pearl for clutching, not clutch a pearl, but this is a pearl you have that you need to clutch. Okay, in life in general, not for you, not for me. For everybody. The universe, the energy that we live in does not register adjectives or adverbs, doesn't register that. So, for example, when you say my foot hurts, the universe doesn't register the my It just registers foohurts. When you say my father, the universe doesn't register my It only registers father. Do you understand that, yes, ma'am. So when you say I expect my my father to judge, criticize, diminish, reject, blah blah blah me, what you're really saying is I expect father to judge, criticize, condemn me, which means you expect God, source creator, the judge, condemned, criticize, diminished, demean you because you're gay. Take a breath, Clutch that pearl. Tell me what you heard me say.
That when I have an expectation that my father will judge me, or abandon me or anything negative in that way, I am ultimately saying that God, or really anyone in my life, I'm kind of bringing that on the energy onto myself when I put those things out in me, the universe, and I hope old beliefs well.
I don't want you to beat yourself up, not that you're bringing it on to yourself, but that that secret, silent belief. I heard you say my mother is a Christian. We know Christians denounce gain. I heard you say my father is a Muslim. We know that the Islamic faith doesn't embrace the concept of gayness. So your whole concept, your mother which is your heart, and your father, which is your mind, both of them denounce who you are. And I don't know this to be true. I'm offering it for you to consider your self worth is tied to the fact that somewhere within you there may be a belief that God doesn't accept who you are. Have you ever considered that?
Yes, because of being diation that I have been through growing up.
Yeah. Absolutely. So what's showing up with your father is your expectation that who you are as you are, how you identify as a gay man is wrong. It's bad, it's sinful, and you probably is going to hell. You got your hel shoes, I know you got your hel shoes.
Yes, there is a part of me and I've been working through that. I'm a praise leader at two churches, even like really identifying my faith. You know, they forced me to try to pick one or the other. And I'm just like, I don't consider myself religious. I worship God, you know, And.
Does God love you gay? Man?
I believe that he does.
Yes, does he accept you?
That part I'm struggling with.
And so yeah, there it is. How can your father on earth accept you when you're not clear that your father, your creator, your source accepts you. So what you're seeing in your dad, your physical Dad, is simply a function of the secret, silent thought that you're holding. And you go to church and do a faith leading, where's your faith?
Right?
Let me ask you a question. Is your God stupid? Myn n ain't stupid? But is your stupid? No? So does he not know that you gay? And if you come come out of the strict Christian dogma and theology, could he not pluck its out thy high?
He did not?
Could he not twist it off thy penis if he wanted to? Okay? So, what you see, what you request, require and expect of yourself for yourself from others is a function of how you see and know yourself within yourself. Forget your father, He's just something going on inside of you. Reflecting back your work, beloved is about seeing and holding yourself as acceptable to God, just as you are you and that's all inner work. That's not out of work. God. Let me know you accept me. Let me know I am acceptable in thy sight beyond the fact that I identify as a gay man. Let me know that I'm acceptable, Show me, teach me, let me feel it. I'm gonna trust you God, grow self acceptance within me because yourself is your I am and I am as God's name. That's your work. Forget about your father, forget about your siblings. Until you grow that, You're going to continue to get what you expect, which is to be criticized, judge, rejected, abandoned, diminished, denied as a gay man. Yeah, so part of it is going back to when you first realized and revealed that you were gay and doing forgiveness work. Forgiving yourself for being ashamed, afraid, whatever, forgiving other people for the way that they treated you, forgiving your dad for the day he told you I don't approve of you. Forgiveness.
That's the hard part for me, is the forgiveness work. And I feel like I keep exposing myself to the same trauma. For example, my oldest brother, I'm the oldest saving I'm my oldest brother. Were all you always used to get along, and then this period of separate happened, and then he comes back into my life and now he holds the same beliefs as my father. And I have two other siblings in that household that I can't be exposed to in the way that I would like. And so while I want to engage with my siblings and build that relationship and that rapport, it feels like I'm exposing myself to be re traumatized over and over again by people that I love. And so it's like a constant forgiveness. And I don't want to have to be hurt and then forgive, be hurt, and then forgive, be hurt and then forgive. I want to do the forgiveness and be done with the forgiveness and still be a part of my siblings' wives. But it's feeling like I'm going to have to choose one or the other. And that's the hard part for me.
Well, who would you choose? Let me just ask that.
I have to choose myself.
Well, no, you don't have to, but you can, And the question becomes if you're willing. But the thing that I want you to get is that their behavior is a function of your secret belief that you're not acceptable to God. You got to begin within, yes, and before you can forgive them. When and where and how have you rejected yourself? Have you abandoned yourself? Have you judged yourself? And maybe it's not yourself, maybe it's things that you did. I can't come out as gay, so I got to sneak around and do you know all manner of devy and behavior or whatever? I don't know. You have to do that work. Forgive your thoughts about yourself. Forgive the things that you've done or the things you haven't done. Let's forgive the times that you didn't step up to get what you wanted or ask for what you wanted because you thought you'd be rejected because you were gay. How about that?
Yeah?
And it may mean that for a time you have to step away from your family because if they are spiritually polluting your mind and your heart, how come you're the only one doing work here? How come they're not doing work to try to get to the place where you are their brother and their son? Why you the only one doing the work? You're just supposed to bow down and kneel down to what they think and believe you don't deserve their consideration. Do you get that? That's another way you diminish yourself by making their opinion and their demands and their requirements more important than your own. Yes, we'll talk about that when we come back. Welcome back to the r spot. Let's pick up where we left off.
I've been taught and raising like family is you know, blood is sticking in water. You know that? Saying so somewhere in me, I believe like, if my family doesn't love me and accept me, then how would anyone else?
Well? Remember, remember the universe doesn't acknowledge adjectives and adverbs. So when you say my family doesn't accept me, you're saying family, the human family, the world. And you know that's not true. The world does accept you, and aren't you their family? Do they see you as family? Right?
That is a good question.
Here's a sticky part, particularly when it comes to religious dogma and theology. When somebody says they're gay, or they're lets being, or they're queer, or you know, whatever way they self identify, the only thing people get stuck on is the sex right. They only think that being gay means that that you just jump around having sex in the supermarket and the walmartint you breathe, you bleed, you poop, your fart, and you're human. How come people only focus on the sex part When people look at me and my old self, They ain't walking around thinking well what she doing in the bed? Why did they do that? To gay people? That's crazy as hell. Ain't nobody looking at me wondering what I do?
Right? And it goes back to what I was saying, how my dad said, well that's all I see, you know, And I'm just like, well, what about everything else? You know? And so right right?
What about your degrees? What about your Christmas presents that you give? Yeah, here's a question, and this is a hard question and you don't have to answer it, but this is where I think you got to do your work. Are you willing to let them go so that you can heal what they represent? Yeah, you don't have to answer right now, but that's the question on the table. Well that's the pearl you gotta clutch. Am I willing to let them go until I heal the part of me that allows me to accept how they treat me? Because how they treat you is what's diminishing your self worth may not be forever, and it may be.
And that's where I'm at my dad. I'm willing to let go of that forever. But I don't want to represent what my dad did to me. And it's not just the gay andess. My dad is just a judgmental person. So he's had issues with all of his oldest children. So I want to step in and I would like to be a beacon of light for them, and I don't want to represent abandonment and walking away to my siblings.
But that's not no, no, no, no, I'm going to denounce that. I'm going to denounce it, as your mother would say, in the name of Jesus. Okay, you're not abandoning them, You're taking care of yourself. How about that? Would you continually stick your toe in a vat of hot grease? Would you do that?
No?
Well, then they are a vat of hot grease. Stop sticking your toe in there. Yeah, you in church, you're faith leader. So I'm gonna take you right here. Come with me, get your pearl, Clutch your pearl, and come with me.
Okay.
Psalm twenty seven. When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will pick me up. Stay right there, don't go nowhere but there.
Yep.
If they have forsaken you, stop looking left and right, look up.
And God has kept me. And I see it because I could have turned out to be something much worse. And when I look around and I look at my community, when I see how everyone is all kind of face same issue, and so I'm turning of drugs and alcohol and facts and everything else, and like I'm looking where my life is and I'm like, I'm grateful that I didn't at least go that far. And so I know that God is keeping me in and I trust me out. I'm happy conversations with myself about do I need to just walk away? And I am praying and I'm still wrestling with that. And I want to believe that one day, once they're out of his house, that my siblings will be exposed to the world and come back to me and all of that. And so I'm right with you. You know you're just giving me confirmation, So I appreciate it.
Listen, Denying yourself is a drug, so drug, and when you continue to put yourself in situations, well your demean diminished, denied. You getting high on your habitual mechanisms and you insisting that you have to be in their life. That's how you get high. You're looking at them as family? Are they looking at you as family? You value your connection to them? Do they value your connection to you? Your worth is what you request, require and respect for yourself from others. You have a right to request that they accept you. They have a right to refuse. You have a right to require people to treat you in a certain way, and they have a right not to do it. You have a right to expect to be accepted and honored and loved and valued, and they have a right not to do it. Then you get to choose if you want to stay in that environment or if you want to let the Lord pick you up and build a whole nother family.
I love you, I know what I require people, and when they show me if they are not able or unwill willing to, I still stay around.
Well see when they show you that they're not able or willing to. That is God answering your prayer. Yes, but you have to choose. Okay, this is my answer to my prayer. I'm either going to stay here and try to make it different, or I'm a jet up out of here. Right, So let me ask you, beloved, what are you going to do different after our conversation.
I'm willing to the same requirements that I think that I have for other people. I'm willing to challenge myself to be that for myself and to have more faith and challenge my faith in God than to stop looking outwards and holding expectations that people are going to leave or abandon or not accept, and be okay with accepting myself and be okay with setting those boundaries so that I'm not being a drug addicts anymore.
You're not getting high. You're not getting high no more. And remember, God, in God's infinite wisdom, knew we would face those situations, circumstances, places where we would be rejected or abandoned or deny so long before any of us took on a body God provided for us. When my mother and my father forsake me, abandon me, reject me, when my heavenly mother and father do that, then the Lord, my source, my creator, will pick me up. But if you don't believe that the Lord accepts you, then you just out here floundering in the darkness.
That was true.
It's not easy, but you know what you pray to prayer is the answer.
I really appreciate it because I have been wrestling with it, I have been praying about it, and I needed the confirmation in my spirit. I already made the decision to walk away, and I felt terrible about it. But thank you for helping me understand it. From God to you know, get through it.
Breathe, breathe, and listen. Walk Away doesn't mean detach. Walk a way may mean just removing yourself from the consistent battering. You can still send a Christmas card, a Birthday card. You can still call when it feels right. You let them know where you are. You can still do that. Walking away doesn't mean cutting them off. It just means taking care of yourself in the process of interacting with them. That's how you build self worth. Yes, Nat, stay in that song, in fact, read the whole song. Y Okay, go back to verse one. Okay, work with that. Yeah, okay, my darling. Thank you for trusting me with your story, and I hope that you've heard something here that's gonna turn this around and build your worth.
Thank you. I appreciate it, mister young, and I hope you have a wonderful, marvelous blessed not only day life.
Thank you. Wow. We have to remember that no matter what it looks like out there, and no matter who is doing it out there, your self worth grows from the inside what you request, require and expect for yourself from others, and if others are giving it back to you, you've got to look at what's going on inside of me that makes this okay, big, big, big lesson for all of us, all of us just like me. I got it too. Okay, We've got more. So stay tuned, Welcome to the R Spot. We are talking about self worth today. What do you have to say about that?
Thank you so much for opening up this space for us to talk about self worth. I find myself in like a repeated cycle. I'm forty years old, and I believe that it all stems with the relationships that I've had with my family, including my mother. Though the relationship with my father has healed, but the issues that continue to arise with my mother extend into partnerships that I've had, which I find myself choosing relationships that aren't necessarily good for me, and I'm trying to figure out how to break the cycle instead of closing myself off to the world.
Oh, kidoki, you got to tell me what the pattern is, or what the cycle is, so that we can perhaps dissect it together.
The cycle is just choosing partnerships, including friendships that haven't been good for me. With my mother, I believe that it's stims there because I was always the child that took care of everyone else. My mother had multiple relationships and even the marriage that she is and now we know that there's been infidelity that has been brought up with people in the public, to our family, and then it's just her right to choose to stay in her marriage. But then when it comes to me and my siblings, we take a back seat. And we've always taken a back seat with the other relationships with she was in, including a from a partner that she was with that put us in foster care. And so then when you know, when I address those issues with her, you know, it's like it never happened, or my side of the story is not my side of the story. It's not what happened in her eyes, all.
Right, So based on what I'm hearing, you say, in your relationships, you recognize that you are not experiencing a healthy sense of self worth because you take a back seat, you accept abuse, and you put others' needs or wants or desires first. Is that accurate?
Exaccurate?
Okay? Is there more?
I'm sure there is, but that's the gist of it.
What I want to hone in on here is how we are defining self worth today, Okay, because that'll give you a starting point to start making some adjustment self worth as we're defining it here today, is what you request, what you require, and what you expect for yourself from others.
Well, the first thing I immediately require is honesty, but I probably put it in to words that would scare people off, like I would say, like, if you lie to me, that's something that I'm not going to be able to forgive because I've been in those situations before. But then when I catch a lie, then I like, excuse it. So uh huh that to them, They're like, Okay, she wasn't really serious.
Yeah, So what you expect of yourself is that when you ask for something and don't get it, you make an excuse that diminishes your self worth. Don't have nothing to do with the person lying. It has to do when you request or require something for yourself, you make an excuse for why you're not getting it, and usually the excuse excuses the other person and you do without you take a back seat. Does that make sense? Yes, So while you do that, I.
Still when I'm talking to myself when it happens, I try to like be compassionate and offer some grace and you know, say, Okay, they're just humans, so everybody's allowed to make mistakes. But then when I don't understand why, I let the mistake repeat it because then it's not a mistake, it's a choice, and it gets bad to the point where it's just like, Okay, then I cut it off. I cut it off. And now where I'm at now because I've cut off three in the past six years or so, I'm not willing to state anybody else.
Okay, So let's jump ahead in this definition to this part how you see and hold yourself within yourself because your worth grows from within. So let's talk about how you see and hold yourself. Okay. Yes, So if I say to you, I am how would you complete that sentence?
I am strong?
I am strong. Go ahead, I am.
I am resilient. I am strong, I am.
Honest, rapid fire, let's do it.
I am human. I am a woman. I am faithful. I am a child of the most High. I am beautiful. I am deserving of love in all forms. I am worthy. I'm stuck.
So based on what you've said to me, I'm not making this up. I am strong enough to take a back seat. I am resilient enough to accept abuse. I am honest enough to put my needs second. I am a mother who takes a back seat. I'm a human who accepts abuse. I am a woman. This is what you're saying to me, which says to me that these i ams that you are either you don't believe them or they've been spiritually polluted with what you expect for yourself. You expect to take a back seat, you expect to be abused, you expect to be the second thought. You make excuses for people being dishonest. Yeah, because I'm strong, I can take it. Do you see how you have these things distorted it? Yes? Yeah, And those are the things that affect your worth. How you see and hold yourself within yourself. So while you see yourself as strong, you expect to take a back seat. While you see yourself as honest, you expect that people will lie. So that's what's destroying your dating life. Yeah. So if you want honest, you got to be honest. If you want strength, you got to be strength. And you've got to start defining the boundaries and the parameters of those things so that you can attract things that are vibrating at the same rate. Okay, now you don't have one freaking clue about how to do that, do you. No, That's why I called starts with forgiveness. That story you told about your mother, and it's not so much about forgiving her as it is about forgiving yourself, but what you told yourself about yourself in response to what you experienced with her. So let's say, for example, I heard you say you were expected to take care of others because of your mom's lifestyle. Let's say, is that accurate? So somewhere inside you may be holding the belief I am not important. Yes, what I need is not as important as what somebody else needs. Yes, I heard you say that you talk to your mother about what you experience and she diminishes it or denies it. Yeah, so you may have a secret belief or expectation in there that I am not heard, I am not seen. Here's a big one clutch of pearls. I don't matter. Come on a breath. You can do this. Tell me what you're thinking, tell me what you're hearing.
It's a perfect that I can't seem to come to terms with these feelings, and you know how they came to be at my age, Like, I want, you know, to experience life differently, and I don't want to live the rest of my life holding on to hurt and the feelings that you know, my needs aren't important or I'm not important, because even though that I have kids with my mother, it still feels that way, and I feel like it trickles down to my kids, but what they feel isn't important or they're not allowed to, you know, express themselves with her. So I'm trying to figure out how I can not be that way to them.
We'll talk more about it when we come back. Welcome back to the hour spot. Let's get back to the conversation. Let's start here. Okay, I want you to say this. I'm hurt, I'm hurt. Yeah, say it. Again, I'm hurt. Yeah, and I am entitled to be hurt.
I am entitled to be hurt.
Yes. See, one of the things that diminishes our worth is when we don't think we're entitled to our pain, when we don't think we have a right to our pain, So we don't witness, and we stuff it and we suppress it and we hold it down, and then that pain just spreads out and it vibrates in our being and it will continue to attract things and people that hurt us. Does that sound familiar? Yes? Yeah, So, beloved, you are entitled to your sadness, to your hurt, to your outrage. How about that? I am outraged that my mother put a man before me. How about that? Yes, you're entitled to that. And until you witness your pain, and until you give yourself permission to have it, to experience it, to acknowledge it at that depth, you will end up repeating the very same things she did. Yeah, So let's go back. Let's do a little cleanup with the intention to honor your pain. Let's start with I am hurt. What's next?
I am I am hurt.
I am entitled.
To my pain? Yeah? And what else?
I am I'm just hurt.
I don't know what angry? How about that I'm angry? How about I am outraged?
I am outraged?
Yeah, I am disgusted.
I am disgusted.
Now you see it's coming up right. What else I am what?
I am frustrated?
Yes, come on now, now we're talking, let's go.
I am tired of it.
Yes, how about I'm disappointed.
Most of all. I am disappointed.
Yeah. And I'm sad, Yes, I'm sad. Yeah. Now you see, let me just point this out to you that I am strong, I am resilient, I am honest, I am mother, I am you. But Papa, that didn't have no emotion attached to it, but hurt and angry, outrage, disgusted, and frustrated, said, and disappointed. That's where the feeling is. And that's what you have to forgive, not forgive yourself for feeling that way, not at all. In fact, you can't even start there. I forgive my mother for the things she did that hurt me. I forgive my mother for the things she did that made me think I'm not entitled to my pain. I forgive my mother for the things she did that made me angry. I forgive my mother for the things she did that disgusted me, that disappointed me. I'm forgive myself, you know, for whatever it is. That's step one. Step two is I forgive myself for believing was not entitled to be hurt. I forgive my mind for thinking I should not be hurt. I forgive myself for believing I wasn't entitled to be angry. Yes, you gotta witness your pain, and that's what keeps attracting what you call the repeated cycle in your relationships. You are worthy of having your own feelings, and your feelings are worthy of being honored, acknowledged, and validated. So I've got an assignment for you, Okay, I want you to go get my book on forgiveness, Forgive Everybody for Everything, Forty Days to Forgive Everybody for Everything. And it's a book of pages of the journal. All you have to do is fill in the blanks, okay, and do that work. You're going to forgive your thoughts. You're going to forgive your beliefs. You're going to forget your behaviors that you had in response to your thoughts and belief and then you're going to forgive people and in the process, Beloved, you're going to forgive God for sticking you in this situation.
Yeah sounds good.
Yeah, tell me what you know now that you didn't know when you call.
I didn't know how hurt I was. I didn't know how you know, upsetting this was. I mean, I know that maybe because I put the mask on that I was fine, but I didn't know that I was going to have this reaction. So it lets me know that it's still things that I need to work on. And definitely forgiveness.
Yeah, you get that book and a companion to that. If you want to get two books, you get forgiveness, and then you get until today, until today, Okay, because what I'm hearing is you're living in the past right now. Your feelings are stuck in the past with the stuff that you haven't acknowledged. You don't have to buy a condo in Painville, but you do have to acknowledge that that stuff exists. And the fact that it's attached to your mother is okay. She's not a sacred cow. She's just another human being whose behavior impacted you in a negative way, and it's okay for you to acknowledge that. Okay, tell me one thing you're going to do different when you get off this call.
The first thing that I'm going to do is purchase the books.
Well, before you do that, I want you to go somewhere and get the rest of that cry out because what we did was unearthed. I don't want you to stuff it. Okay, And then when you get the books due to work. Yes, you are worthy, and I thank you for trusting me with your story today.
Thank you so much.
That says to me that you're ready to do this differently. Now, go on to the bathroom, get you some tissues, get the rest of that cry out. Okay, okay, okay, bye bye. Your worth hinges upon your willingness to honor what you feel, regardless of what anybody else thinks or what it's attached to. You are worthy of your feelings, and your feelings are worthy to be acknowledged and recognized. And what I expect of myself and for myself and what I expect from others and calling it in and learning how to vibrate at the frequency that will attract it to me, you're worthy. I hope that you know something now that you didn't know when you tuned in and until we meet again, Stay in peace and not pieces favorite. The R Spot is a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.