What Do Good Men Want with Coach Ken: Part 1

Published Sep 25, 2024, 10:00 AM

In this episode of the R Spot, Iyanla sits down with Coach Ken Canion, a relationship coach, author, TV personality, and creator of the Relationship Academy. Iyanla asks Coach Ken about what good men want from their partners and where men and women are missing each other. In this first part of a two-part series, Iyanla and Coach Ken dissect emasculation, transactional relationships, and what is really expected of men and women in romantic relationships. 

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I am a yamla, your host, your guide, a teacher for some, and a soft place to fall for others. And I was a miserable failure in my relationships until I love myself enough to be able to share my love with other people. Welcome to the R Spot, a production of shandaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to the R Spot. I am your facilitator, your host, your partner on the journey. As we hear on the R Spot, look at and explore, investigate, examine all of those things that make relationships better, and we look at some of the hard questions, some of the hard things. Now got a hot topic today because most of my guests and most of the questions that I received come from women. But today we want to talk about men. We just want to talk about what a good man wants, you know, So today we want to know what is it that a good man wants? All right, don't you want to know that, ladies? But so very often as women, we want to tell a man what he wants or what he should want. We want to tell him what we got and want him to accept it. But today my guest is going to help us here and receive and understand what a good man wants from a man's perspective.

How about that?

Okay? My guest today is Coach Ken Canyon. He's a transformative coach. That means he's changing relationships just like we do here on the R Spot. He has a very distinct approach that he calls the Kanyan Culture methodology, and it's about reinventing how our relationships function and fostering an environment of empathy and mutual respect. Huge, huge in today's world. So my guest today by offering the world the Kanyan culture and creating relationships that last by employing what he calls the Kanyan Culture methodology, this is a man who's giving us some insight that we can use to grow, heal, and expand our relationships.

The author of eight books, eight books, and he's a relationship coach on the MTV show Unfaithful, Caught in the Act, Caught in the Act.

He's also the creator and founder of the Relationship Academy and the creator and founder of the Pocket Communication. Yeah for coaches. So, Coach Ken, thank you for joining me today. Boy, this is gonna be exciting. But let's talk about what a good man wants. Let's start here. What is a good man? How are you defining a good man?

Well, first off, let me just say thank you. I mean, I have been watching you for many years and I want to say thank you. I must be doing something right to be here in your presence. I appreciate you. So let's get started. Like you said, first of all, Trigger Warner, there are going to be some people who will not accept what I'm about to say. So let me start out by saying good is a relative term that defined by different people different ways.

Now, what I want to do is take a collective approach. And I've coached.

Thousands of women and thousands of men, and so I want to use a consensus, my consensus of what I believe and based on the knowledge I've gathered, the relationships I've saved, all of that, I think a good man is number one, a man who wants to desires to be a better version of himself. First, he starts there and that perspective, and he understands, he's self aware that there are areas and deficiencies about him, that he's not a perfect man, but he's a man that's willing to progress now as it pertains to a relationship. A good man is a man that who not only when Number one wants to empower the woman that he's with the word empower means to give power, the power to be herself, to power to grow, to power to evolve. The second thing he wants. A good man is as a man. That is, his existence in a relationship is about partnership, about partnering. I'm neither in front of the person or behind the person. I'm allowing our relationship to involve, to evolve to its highest possible Zenian based on who we are as individuals. Okay, a good man, A good man is a person who says, I am.

Willing to let you be me. I mean let you be you and me be me.

And so when I go from that perspective, all of the other things, whether he provides, whether he make one hundred and fifty thousand dollars a year or whether he makes seventy five thousand dollars a year, whether he talks a lot, of whether he doesn't talk a lot, everything falls under this context.

That is so very interesting when particularly the self awareness, because I believe that we go into relationships to become even more self aware. And the pieces and parts that we're probably going to become most aware of are the parts that we don't want to acknowledge.

That's what makes him good because you know, like I know, relationships reveal parts of us that we don't really know that exists. Okay, but he's willing to take that part. Remember I started with he wants to be a better version of himself. I started with he takes even though even in my own relationship, even though I don't like some of the things that was revealed to me before on this journey, I'm not a good communicator.

I can be overbearing, controlling sometimes.

Well, those are the things that help me to evolve and to the better person that I am today.

And so I was willing.

I didn't like it, but I was willing to take it and use it to become something new.

That's why a city's a good.

Man willingness, A good man is willing. I think that is absolutely key. So is the good man looking for those same qualities attributes in a woman.

Ah, Now that's when we get to the sticky part.

He yes.

And So I had this conversation the other day with I have a relationship academy, got one hundred women in there, and I said to them, I said, a lot of you say that you want a good man a lot, but I don't think a lot of you are ready for a good man.

You see a good man.

And when I broke down, when a good man, a good man is going to point out the areas that we need to improve upon, not only me but you And so a lot of people don't want to hear that. A lot of people. And I'm gonna be honest with you. I coach a lot of a lot of ladies and I coach man. That's the cool thing about what I do. I get the coach bo. But I had this conversation and a lot of women say, hey, I want a man to be this, this, this, this and this, have this, this and this and this. And my first question is that what you seek? Do you have it? That what you seek? Are you en route to get it? So you want a man with a six pack, but are you exercising at all? They're like, no, I want a man who makes two three hundred thousand dollars year.

I said, are you financially capable? Have you? No? No, I'm not there I said, so.

In other words, what the reality is is you want someone to have something you're not willing to attain, and you want to hold someone to a higher standard than you're willing to hold yourself to.

And some of them didn't like it, some of them but here.

But the kicker is this, the people who get that message men are women. Those are the ones that I am that are finding relationships. Those are the ones that are I won't say I'm putting them in relationships, I'm helping, but a lot of them have realized that on this journey that we're on, all of us need to level up. Everybody's got to be better, you know. And so that's just that's that's how I.

Look at it.

Okay, let me go back here for a moment, because I have a theory that a man, I call it the four P theory. Men and the women have their a's. Men have four p's, Women have four a's. Provide, protect, perform. That means, you know, if a mouse runs across the floor, you're gonna have to get it. Don't don't scream and run and push me in the direction, and uh, perform and please. That means, know the things that make me smile. No, you know my flower, my color, my perfume. So let's because today my experience is maybe yours is different. The first thing a woman, many women, not a woman, but many, particularly the youngins, look at is the money I want a man who makes six figures. I guess where the tension comes for that is the provide part. If it is a man's responsibility to provide. He's the leader, he's going to provide. Yes, we can be in partnership. But if he's going to provide, is it out of order? Is it inappropriate for a woman to be concerned with the amount of money he makes?

It is not out of order, y'all. Let me ask you a question. See, here's where the problem, where the distortion is. The distortion is is that that is.

The primary focus.

Okay, his money, because social media, society, whatever it is. Because I know people who say they have convinced them. We tell ourselves a story. They convince themselves that if he makes X number dollars, I'm gonna be happy. They made that correlation that with the high income. And then they get it, and then they get it and realize, Number one, he's an asshole. Number two he doesn't care about my emotional security, mental security. He didn't do any of that, and he doesn't have time for me. He's not willing to sacrifice.

Any of that.

And then one, so now I got the man that makes all this money.

And then I realize, now, really.

What comes into focus is the theme that I truly desire the things I truly desire.

See, what we're living on is an illusion.

Initially, we're living on this illusion that I believe that if I acquired this, if I have this, which results, here's what it results in. Our relationships and our view of relationships have become transactional. So if he can buy me this, he's a candidate. If I can get this, he's a candidate. If he cannot, I will discard him. He's not a good candidate. And so while your fourth I'll go back to your four piece. Your four piece you start with, provide. Okay, that is very The question whether he can provide for our family is a question that is necessary and primary it is it's necessary. But what is provision? I mean, what is provision? Everybody can define what provision is in a different way. And so okay, let's say now he provides, right, But you said some other things. You said protect, you said please, and then you said perform. So but I put an orderate amount of weight on providing, Yeah, and provision, and so the other things I let go. And you notice to be true. You notice to be true. Some people will let things go they know are not good for them, but because he's got the provision. And I understand why, because I understand the number one need for women is security. I get it. They need security in a relationship. They want to know that, and it makes sense. But to forgo the rest of it, I don't think it's healthy.

No, No, I one degree. I want to look at this because one of the things that you're speaking to is about values, and I didn't hear you, but I'm going to assume a good man has values. We'll talk about that right after the spring. Welcome back to the R Spot. Let's get back to the conversation. My guest today is Coach Ken Canyon, and we're talking about what a good man wants. And we just got started and I got fifty eight thousand questions. But before the break, I want to talk about this new phenomena that's going on and really again among the youngins transactional relationships. Can you can you break that down for us, because I think some people, particularly the youngins, think that that's the way it is. But there's some pieces missing in transactional relationships. So from a man's perspective, since we're talking about what good men.

Want, so listen transactions. You know, I hear this conversation of fifty to fifty.

Okay, you know there's a whole thing about fifty to fifty because what we've done is we've reduced the relationship to financial when we say fifty to fifty. But what I wanted to tell them is I said, wait minute, there's a problem with that. So when you approach a relationship with partnership, sometimes a partner may have to put eighty twenty. Sometimes it maybe seventy thirty or ninety ten. I'll never forget it. I want to give you a quick story about four fifteen years ago. I was on a reality show called The Biggest Loser. I was four hundred and thirty pounds, and I will never forget it. I was I was traveling around the country and I was making money. I was doing seminars, I was speaking, and I knew that if I kept up the way that I was going, eating and doing whatever. I wouldn't be here for five years. My wife and I we were married, we had been married six years, and I told my wife, I said, I wanted to apply for this show.

So I ended up getting on the show. And I had to. I had seventy five thousand dollars worth of contracts I had to let go. I could not get I could not perform for nine months.

My wife paid every bill. Now, listen to what I'm saying. Now, I'll never forget. I sat at my desk on the time because my job was working out twice a day, six eight hours a day.

That was my job. And so I went to her and she worked two jobs.

Now, she brought the money, put it on my desk one day and turned around and left.

And I cried as a grown man.

I sat, there were tears in my eyes, and I thought to myself. She didn't say one word, she didn't try to masculate me. She took I took the money, and and and and we and it kept us going for nine months till I got off the show. My wife has not had to work since that day. She has not had to work now, she does work works in our company, but she's not had to work. But that's what partnership is. At that point, I couldn't give. I could financial that, I couldn't give anything. I said, let me go do this work.

Sometimes.

Another case was where her her dad died four years ago, three years she grieved and she didn't have anything from me emotionally, I said, I'll give you ninety give me the ten you got.

I'm good.

And see what we've done is we have looked at relationships transactionally. It's just money. It's so much more than money. If it's ever going to work, that's what partnership is. Then, so when I approach the whole idea of transactional relationships, I look at I'm like, you're doing yourself a disservice. And then and the other thing, I tell ladies, what if the guy gets sick. Okay, he paying all the bills.

Now, he pay all.

The bills, okay, take care everything. But he gets sick and he can't pay, then then what do you leave him? Does its value diminish because he can't pay?

I mean? And so that's what I say.

The whole concept of transactional relationships are flawed, But how can you meet somebody you discard all of.

The other values, all of the other things.

They break to the table if his money ain't quite where and she would be I'm just asking.

You said a word that I want to really investigate, because I think that many women are ignorant of what this is and how they consciously and unconsciously do it. The word is emasculate, emasculate. How beloved does a woman emasculate a man?

Emasculation in this sense is when number one, there are several ways. Number one, when you always tell the man what he's not instead of telling him what he is. Honey, I love the way you raise the kids, but you're telling me what i'm not. You don't take them to school enough, you don't spend enough time with them. Okay. Another way women emasculate men is a comparison to something else you desire that he does not possess. Yeah, and so, what that simply means is and a lot of times you ever say, well, you know, such and such started his own business. Okay, such and such a wife started his own business. You know, he started a truck, and he went out and bought a truck. And so what the insinuation is is that I'm not enough. I'm not good enough for you, okay, And whenever that is that exists, then the other person, if they are not they don't have a strong sense of self self concept, then they could internalize that, and you.

Know what happens.

They will break themselves and have trying to become more, trying to satisfy this person to meet that need. And the truth is they never will. I was just gonna say. And another way that women evasculate men is by the tone of their the tone of their communication. And what I mean by tone, I don't just mean the volume. I just mean the way that they talk to a man in a disrespectful way. And on my poster the other day, somebody says, well, I just say what I want to say.

He's just feminine. If he can't accept it, they.

Came for me, like, let's go back to what a good man wants. So I'm going to assume tell me if I'm wrong, a good man does not want a woman who's going to affirm his deficits. Would that be accurate?

That would be accurate.

You can say anything if you say it the right way you can say anything, and what you're doing is by affirming his deficits.

For instance, let me tell you how my wife did it to me.

My wife says sometimes she said, I don't like it when you compare me to other people. I didn't know I was comparing her to someone else, but she said it in a way she said. We were talking one day, she said, you know what, sometimes you compare me to other people, and that doesn't feel good.

And when she said it, I was like, when I do that like it was?

It was almost like it was I want I wanted to know what I did wrong. I wanted to fix it because the way she presented it to me, I was like, wow, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I am I am so sorry. I didn't mean to do it. And I went to I said, that was never my intention. Please let me know how. Remember when I said, a good man does he wants to He will accept even something he does not like, so that he can involve and become someone he is not today, someone a better version of himself. And so when she told me that, I said, I can't do that anymore. I cannot, but I have to know what it is. And thank you for communicating that to me.

Now you said something I want I want to go back here for a moment when you were talking about the people and how they came for you on you on your thread, and the woman immediately went to, well, he's feminine if he can't take it, I've seen this even in my social media thing. Why I got to be sensitive to his needs that kind of thing, you know, and the judgment that if he doesn't accept what she says the way she says it, when she says it, that somehow or another, the onus is on him. So in terms of women wanting good man and being with a good man, how do we navigate that? How do we navigate like when you said, when did I do that? What does a woman do with the man that says I don't do that?

What does she do that? Okay, so this is a great question.

So my expertise, because I was so poorly at communication many years ago, I have made it my mission to teach me students how to communicate better, more effectively and so, and part of that is in how we deliver a message and how the other Because we worry so much about the other person will receive, sometimes we don't really care.

We're just gonna give it to them. I'm gonna give it to me.

I don't really care how you receive it, but I tell them the most important thing is if the communication does not produce the outcome that you want. If it doesn't produce the outcome, then there's something wrong with the way with your mechanics, your mechanism, the way you're doing it. And so the whole idea is how do I learn to communicate something.

Better so that I can get the outcome that I desire.

When you focus on the outcome rather than what you're saying, focus on okay, let me say it to produce this rather than just to feel better or to feel like I've done something.

That's it. Very often my experience has been women don't have an outcome in mind other than getting you told and saying what's on my mind and expressing myself. What a good man wants. A good man wants a woman who does well, that's what he doesn't want. A good man wants a woman who affirms his strengths and with kindness and consideration, makes him aware of his shortcoming.

Yes, that is very true, and so he wants in power.

Good man wants a woman who, instead of comparing him to someone who has something he doesn't possess, a good man wants a woman who supports and encourages and affirms him to move forward towards just towards a desired outcome. So Booth, you know, Teddy's got a boat. You ain't got no boat. And that would turn, that would evolve into I think if we had a boat, we could go out on the weekend. Yes, don't you want to work towards getting a boat?

Yes, And so let's say, let me help you with that one too. Throw The word inspires in those words you said, inspires him and inspires she says, you know what, maybe and my wife inspired me, all right, inspired me to do certain things as our companies growing, She's inspired me.

She was like, fuck, here's what we can be, not what we're not.

See, that's that's a different But a lot of people don't have the capacity to do that because they've never been taught how to do it. People don't do it to them, so it's foreign to them.

And so it's one of those it's a cast twenty two things.

If you want to get the most out of a man, And I always tell if you want to get the most out of a man, I said, praise him for something that he's done, that he does that's small. If you praise him for something that he does that is small, his mind will make it big.

And we'll talk about that when we come back. Welcome back to the rspot. Okay, that's true. I love that. I know you've seen it where the kitten's looking in the mirror, but the reflection is a lion. But does a good man affirm the little things that she does?

The reason why as a coach, I coach both people because I believe that everybody's got to level up, everybody's got to be a better version of themselves.

And what I say, I get it that women are done.

So I got into it and to a heated discussion with a brother who was talking about women. And so this is funny because my dichotomy is that on both sides, and he was talking. I said, brother, wait a minute, stop this. Women, many women are a result of the trauma, the toxicity, the things that men have put them through the times when we have been sleeping with twelve or thirteen of them, and as a result of that, they've got low self esteem, and you don't want to take any accountability for what we've done. And then I said, so, so let's start there, you know, And so I want to understand. And that is the reason why I am like this in this state of limpo, because I'm like, let's bring everybody together, but I gotta understand. But I start with, you know, we all got to be willing to look at ourselves though you know we.

Got it and I know they're done.

So to answer your question, a good man is should and I coach men. I coach the man the other day who's going to lose his marriage. So, by the way, I've saved two hundred and ninety nine marriages. And the reason I know that number because those are the people who was done, who were done. And I put thousands of relationships together, but those are the ones I remember. But the one thing I said is, I said, your wife says, you don't see her. You look at her every day, but you don't see who she is on inside. You never affirm her, You never talk about the things that she does as a woman. You never talk about that. Only thing you do is complain about the shit she does not do. Who wants to be around somebody that the only time I come up in.

Your existence, your orbit, is when you're telling me what I'm not.

And she has to not do that to him. A good woman is not going to do that, do that to him.

Listen.

I wanted to just on that point alone, just on that point alone. I spoke to a man about two weeks ago, fifty four years old, and here's what he said. It breaks my heart because it was very true.

All my life, throughout all my.

Fifty four years, what I've heard is how fl black men are.

He said.

It's in the songs. Ain't nothing going on with the red. I don't want no scrug, he you know, he named this whole Litana song. He said, it's in the magazines. You look in the magazine and you see white men buffing this and that and the other things. He said. In my early years, you didn't see black men in magazines. You didn't see black men in pictures, he said. And then you know, to hear women talk black men are stupid. They ain't this, They ain't that, they, he says. And now brothers, men are starting to speak out about this, he said. Before they just he said, and and and I'm really he said, I'm enraged because I don't know how to be.

Uh.

And he said, no matter how I am, people still see me as that black man ain't shit, he can't do nothing. He and got nothing, bud. And it's still in these songs, he says, And now men are speaking out about it, talking about how aggressive women are. He was speaking specifically to black women, how disrespectful they are, jumping up in our faces, calling them you know, and then when as soon as we say something, they want to fight. He said, but this is what we've heard all our lies.

You're right, and that is the read that my post. A lot of brothers who came to my post and said, this is what he was talking about. What he was the combative aggressive language. This they were coming from me. And I said to myself, you know what I said, See y'all, this is what I'm talking about. For those that but but but but by by the same token tho. There were a lot of women saying that. But there were a lot of women saying, you're right, we gotta be better. I want to be better. And so it's kind of like the whole thing. If you see one person stealing some people. Somebody said that all black people steal.

No, we don't, and.

One woman was like, no, every woman is not like that. Some of us want to learn, some of us want to get a partner. Some of them and one lady, I want to give you this one example. Yeall like, I gotta give you this. So this lady, I say name. Her name is Teresa. Teresa sixty years old. Teresa came to me nine months ago. She joined my academy and she explained to me she called herself ill. I created a name for her, called this pop off mis pop Off. She said, if I see something, miss pop Off, you know she'll pop off in a minute. She was like, I'll pop off. I see something not right, I'm gonna pop off. And I said, how's that working for you? She said, Coach, the truth is it ain't working for me. I want a relationship. So I told her, can we start with that. Your desire, your intention is to have a relationship. I said, then let me dissect you like a doctor and say part of the reason you can't cause you're a beautiful woman. She thought it was her age. I said, h age, I said, it's your communication. So it took us. We started working together and she and her relationship with her family change. And I said, you're going to meet some duds along the way. And I showed her how to vet people. I have a system, and she said, And she finally she met a guy. She said, Coach, he's a good man. And I didn't know how to act. I was expecting to shoot a drop, I asked by. I said, no, let's face that. Let's communicate through that. I taught her how to communicate. She got married three weeks ago to this man, and she came on to last Sunday to tell the other ladies. She was like, y'all, when I decided to embrace some feminine energy and.

I stopped popping off. This man told me I want to protect you. He says, I don't want to hurt you. And she says, I don't even know how to act in him? Is embrace? She said?

I said, I said, live in the present, go with it. I said, be that feminine woman. I know it's different. The reason I give you that example because people can change. They just got to decide to They just got to decide.

What about this. Here's some questions, Coach. Can is it true that a good man is looking for a woman to be his peace and his soft place to fall.

Absolutely true.

How does she do that? How does a woman be a man's piece and this soft place to fall and still give him the feedback he may need to make some changes and improvements.

Okay, so I'm gonna give you. I'm gonna give you a formula that I give my people. I'm gonna give you a formula. I'm gonna give you a formula to be. First of all, I understand the number one thing that a good man wants his piece. Listen, a black man, I want to talk about. A black man faces all kind of adversity. I mean, I face adversity in the economic realm. I'm facing adversity, you know, if you think about it. When I when I walk outside, I'm already tense. I'm already looking around because I'm a black man. And so when that when I when I come home, my home has to be my piece. And what I say, my home is the way my woman and me interact. I want it to be a piece. Now, Now, some men don't create peace of environments. I understand that, and so I am not saying that they're all men do that, but let me show you what you can do to facilitate an environment of peace.

Okay.

First thing a woman does is is say is speak her intention. I want to blank. I want to create a place where our home is peaceful, I want to tell. And what you're doing is you're actually programming his subconscious to your desire. All right, So a lot of people say I'm just doing it. First of all, let me plant the seed to program his subconscious. I want to provide a place where you can.

Talk to me.

Now, this might be even a man who doesn't talk a lot, even a man who's not emotionally available. But when you tell, when you plant the seed into his subconscious that this is what I want to create, all right, that's.

The first step. Because you might be a long ways off from that. Initially.

He might not talk a lot. He may be the kind of person who's been through who's had some trauma, who doesn't communicate. So what we do is plant to see all right. The second thing we do. The second thing we do is we talked about it before, is.

A firm who he is not?

Who he isn't Okay, So when I tell you I want to create a place of piece, I got to set the plate the stage for that piece.

So if I.

Tell you men want to be around women, listen, that's what listen.

Please listen, everybody listen. A man don't act like we think a good man.

A good man wants to be around a woman that makes him feel good about himself.

Period. Okay, and so when you affirm what he does.

Now, second, third thing is this right here, do the thing that you want First, listen to what I'm saying.

Okay. If you want a man to communicate, you communicate first.

Because a lot of people wait, a lot of people say, well, he ain't doing it, I ain't gonna do it. A lot of us don't have examples of what good communication looks like.

So what I want you to do is be the change.

Show him, be the example of the very thing that you want to see.

So, if you want him to.

Communicate, he is how you communicate, and you communicate in a way effectively, you communicate from your heart. If you want him to resolve conflict, then you start it. First, you get the knowledge, you find out, you get a coach king, you hire a yalla, and then what you find.

Out is how to communicate.

So what happens is you do it first, and what happens and then again, what you're doing is you're starting to program his subconscious mind that this is a.

Peaceful place and Coach can help me with this. I could be wrong, and I'm willing to be wrong. I promise you. I'm willing to be wrong. But you' and I been married three times? Seen or Am I making up that women seem to have to do or expected to do most of the work that's subtle work to keep the relationship solid and healthy? Am I making that up?

I don't think you're making it up. I think that is a societal.

Result.

And let's be honest, there's a double standard in everything. There's a double standard and everything. I think that women are charged with doing more based on societal standards. Absolutely absolutely, you got to keep going, you got to bring home the banker, you got to make yourselves look good, you got to take care of the kids. At absolutely no, no, I get it. And that's true. Now here's the thing, though, with all of those distractions that are necessary things that we have to do, you know what, we forget a lot of times we forget the connection that created the distractions that created the kids that created the home, that created all of the stuff that we have. The connection is what created that, and we forget about the connection that created the distractions, and then the distractions become the main thing.

I think that we get so busy doing in a relationship that we get to be in the relationship that being is the connection. Coach Ken, this is I've got so much that I want to ask you. I want to ask you, would you be willing to do a part two with me?

Of course we're gonna do a part two.

So everybody listen. We've been talking about what a good man wants. Now you know, I was a kindergarten teacher, so I got to do my review what a good man. First of all, a good man is someone who wants to be a better version of himself.

He wants to progress.

A good man is one who wants to empower his partner. That means he wants his partner to heal and grow and evolve, and he wants to support her. A good man is one who's about partnership, not about being in control or running the ship. And a good man wants to let you be you while he be he. And a good man is willing. He's got a level of willingness, a willingness to heal, a willingness to heal, a willingness to grow, all the things you got to be willing about. A good man is a man who wants a partner who does not affirm his deficits. A good man that does. A good partner for a good man is not going to compare him to what he does not have and couldn't do. And a good man it wants some one whose tone of communication affirms him and the tone of communication and the communication creates an outcome. Now, that is what we covered in part one, and Coach Ken is gonna be here with me next week and we're gonna.

Cover part two.

Be sure to call all your girlfriends and particularly the ones who pop off, and have them here next week. I am Yamla. This is the our spot. Stay in peace and not in pieces. The R Spot is a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your face it Chell

The R Spot with Iyanla

Each week, New York Times best-selling author and famed spiritual life coach, Iyanla Vanzant, invite 
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