Finding Your TRUE Self Relationship

Published Apr 17, 2024, 10:00 AM

Iyanla shares some deeply personal stories about learning to love herself and her now-infamous “quilting fabric” story to help two new callers who feel like they can’t be honest about who they are. The first is a woman who was abandoned by her parents and now exhausts herself by trying to be everything for her children. Then, the second caller met her perfect man, except for one thing: He controls all the money in the relationship.

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Iami Yamla. I had a baby daddy relationship. I spent time in a relationship with a married man. I had to learn the skills and tools required to make my relationships healthy, fulfilling and loving. Welcome to the Rspot, a production of shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. I am a Yamla, your host, God facilitator, and today we are talking about your relationship with yourself. What is your relationship like with yourself? Is it good? Are you growing in? Are you learning it?

Hmmm?

Whatever it is we are holding, thinking, believing, feeling about who we are is going to show up in every single area of our life. And it doesn't matter whether it's good or not so good. I mean, if you look around the world today, you see people doing not so good things and getting away with it. And it's not because there's some special power in the not so good. It's because they believe what they're saying, they believe what they're thinking, and therefore their relationship with themselves, although dysfunctional as hell, it's working because they don't doubt themselves, they don't discourage themselves, they don't abandon themselves. I mean, I could go on and on and on. So before we have one more conversation about a husband or a girlfriend, or a mother or a mother in law, I want us to look at, explore, examine, investigate whether or not we are current in the relationship we're having with ourselves. Now, what do I mean by that? What do you mean current? I mean do you deal with yourself as who you are today? Or are you still handling, holding, thinking of believing about yourself things that are no longer true? And you know how I find this? I find this in the way people describe themselves. You know, I was a teenage mother, or I grew up in a foster home, or I never had parents to guide me. And what does that have to do with who you are today? Do you look at the strengths and the victories that you gain from those experiences and bring them into your current your current experiences as guideposts, as standards, as values. Are you current in your relationship with yourself? Or are you still handling yourself based on who you used to be? Oh a ah, listen, I live that one. I was still seeing myself as an ugly little girl that nobody wanted. So three divorces later, I forget I needed to clean that up. Are you current in your relationship with yourself? Do you have a relationship with yourself? You gotta be aware of that. You gotta be aware of what you do and how you do it, and well why you do it, and what you're expecting as a result of what you do. So self awareness. You got that, self awareness, self respect, self value, self worth, and finally self love. You gotta love yourself in your ugliest moments, in your weakest moments, in your craziest moments. You gotta love yourself beyond what you do. Standing naked in the mirror with your stinky breath, you gotta say, baby, I just love you. Oh you are you? Just float my boat? Honey? That's Those are the five pillers of a good relationship with yourself and growing that and building that and holding onto that. That's what you want to do. And we are so externally referenced in today's world. We're looking at the what I call the bmmes, the body, the mind, the emotion. We get stuck there and we don't really go into the divinity, the oneness, the truth of who we are from the inside out. If you want to deepen, grow, expand, strengthen your relationship with yourself, begin within. I had to have a conversation with myself yesterday. I got on my own nerves, and you get on your own nerves because you're acting so foolish. Okay. I had to have a good old conversation with myself because I have a good relationship with me. I don't always listen to me, but I do have a good relationship with me, and so I had to take myself in hand. I had to go to the mirror slack the person that showed up because I was just being ridiculous, ridiculous, Okay, not even ridiculous, ridiculous. I was just out of the box yesterday. But you know, give yourself permission to have a bad day. Give yourself permission to have a bad day, and know that you can recover. All right, you can recover. I was stuck in traffic, having an absolute hissy fit and just being crazy with myself. Couldn't move on cars, I couldn't do nothing. I was traumatized, and the ant got mad at me for being traumatized. So you got to tell the truth to yourself about yourself and love yourself anyway. Okay, listen out greetings, be loving and welcome to the art spot. Listen, we having a good conversation today. We're talking about the relationship with yourself. How are you loving you? You know that song, and I wonder who loving you? Are you loving yourself today? Beloved? Excuse my singing, I have.

Not been loving on myself at all.

Well, what do you tell yourself is more important than loving on you?

Making sure everyone else feels loved?

Yeah, that's a classic story.

So what's the what's the what's the thought or the belief that makes you or motivates you to make everyone else more important than you in your life? What's the story?

The belief is that this is how kind of ensure that I won't be alone?

Oh?

What's so bad about being alone?

Too?

What is so canid about being alone with you?

It's a scary, it's a scary feeling. I was left alone a lot when I was little. Ah, and it's scary. It feels it's too quiet, empty. Yeah, I don't know.

So let me ask you a question. What does you being left alone as a little person have to do with who you are today? I guess Oh you think did you just being alone? Did you survive being alone by your when you were little. Did you survive that? I did? Did you learn how to entertain yourself?

Yeah? Here I did.

Did you learn how to keep yourself busy?

Yeah?

Okay, So how can that help you today in your own life? Because it's it's yes, you had that experience, but that's not current events. What are the current events in your life where you can use what you learned being alone to benefit you?

And I guess like I could take that and make, you know, make moose for myself honesty. Maybe I could use it and motivate myself more to do more in life that I actually want to do it. I feel like it's so it seems hard because it feels like it's easier to focus on everyone else.

Well here's here's that. That's a self respect issue. That's self respect and you have to know that you are worthy of your own time, energy, attention, and resources. That's what being alone as you're as a child, because see that's a function of neglect. Leaving a child alone is a function of neglect. So you've grown up to neglect yourself. Would that be accurate because you're not functioning with current events, so you neglect your needs you neglect your your time, your energy, your resources because you're looking at being alone as a child as a backing, a scary thing, as opposed to what it taught you that you can use to strengthen your relationship with yourself. How about this, Hey, I spent a lot of time with me and I ain't so bad. How about that?

Yeah I'm not.

I'm okay In building a relationship with yourself. You want to take what you've experienced and turn it to your bet, not to your detriment and staying stuck in it was scary. I was neglected, I was alone. That's not going to your benefit.

I never looked at it that way. All I've just let myself be so sad and so angry about being neglected and left alone, and then scared of being left alone, left alone in my marriage, left by my children, let's right, people at work. Yeah, I've never looked at it that way.

So when when we are neglected as children, you know, as children we learn by what we experience. That's that's how we learn. So when we're neglected, or when we're alone, or when we're overlooked, when we're not heard, we don't really get a good reflection of who we are. So we struggle to see who we are.

We struggle.

We don't see our strengths, we don't see our good points because that's not what was reflected back to us. And then we do what was done. But to come current with who you are now, think of it this way, belove it. You took care of yourself. You didn't hurt yourself, You didn't jump out the window, you didn't burn the house death. Did you do any of them things? Did you burn the house down?

Up?

Oh?

So?

Yeah?

As opposed to looking at how deep and dark and scary it was, how about how look at how resourceful I am. I was resourceful. I spent a lot of time alone as a kid. I didn't burn the house down, and I learned how to be with myself as opposed to buy myself. And I wasn't so bad. I got it done. Can you see God about yourself? Can you see that you're not so bad and that you manage the situation well as a little person?

See that?

So how can that help you today?

It helped me to definitely have a different outlook on being with myself and putting myself first. Uh, maybe learning how to give myself more more grace and instead of or not maybe even myself, maybe just giving others more grief that the folks who left me alone. I guess I should say.

Forget them and get them, forget them, forget, forgive them. I'm saying forget, forget, forgive and forget, forget what they did, and forget so that you can come current to today.

Everything like you're saying and makes absolute things. I just I don't think I know where to started.

We'll talk about that when we come back. Welcome back to the R spot. Let's pick up where we left off.

I'm still you know, every time I get a you know, a call, or every time I'm called on, it's like I have to be there because I don't want to be my mom. I don't want to be like. I don't want my children to say my mom wasn't there for me when I called her, you know, even if I don't have the capacity to help force myself too, because I don't want to be that mom.

But do you understand that you are being that mom to yourself. You're abandoning yourself, You're neglecting yourself when you do things that you don't have the capacity to do or the desire to do. How old are your children?

I have an eight year old and a twenty two year old.

Okay, so the twenty two year old, Oh well the eight year old. Yeah, you know, they're very demanding.

I feel like I'm neglecting myself. I whenever I do something against kind of my own better judgment, it's a little worse in my head and saying doing it again, doing.

It again, and what are you willing to do about it?

I want to stop. I want to change it. I want to put a better practice in place, because then I'm I'm tired. I'm so tired.

But you have to know that you're worth it. And if you give all of your time, energy, attention and resources to other people, they will begin to feel entitled to it, and particularly children. Children feel like they are entitled to your life, so they will enjoy your life. You ain't enjoying it. I have my great grandson. He's six years old. So we sit down to eat dinner together and then he'll want something, and I found myself I'd get up and not and go get it. And then a couple of months ago, I said, I'll get it after I finish eating, but I need to well get it or you wait, You sit there, eat your dinner, but you want me to disrupt my dinner to go get you something that you need to want. No, you can have it after I'm done, because he can't enjoy my dinner more than I do. Yeah, it starts with simple little things like that, but it means recognizing. It's self awareness. You got to be aware of little things that you do that are neglectful, that are abusive, that are disrespectful to you, and then you make little changes. You have to make a commitment to yourself to do it as soon as you become aware of it. Stop putting yourself on hold. Do you know what that kind of behavior is called? What you're doing waiting for people to accept you and acknowledge you and see you and treat you the way you want to be treated. Do you know what that's called. It's called codependency for other people to accept you. Have you accepted you fully? No?

Oh, I don't fully know. I don't feel like I fully know who I am. If you know, people ask you what do you like to do? And who are you? And I find that I reach for parts of my life where people have congratulated me. You're giving me accolades, and I say, oh, that's what I like to do. Well, that's who I am, instead of I don't really know how to answer that question.

You know, Yeah, that's a powerful awareness. That's a powerful awareness that I don't really know who I am. I don't really know what I like. I don't really know what floats my boat. So in developing a better relationship with yourself, self awareness, self acceptance, that's the where you start. What are you good at?

What are you not good at?

See, I'm good at a lot of I'm not good at singing. I am not good at singing, But I know that. Now does that stop me from singing? Oh? Hell to the no. And it don't matter to me that my singing sounds bad to other people. I just try not to do because I don't want to assault people's earlobes. But at least I know that I'm bad at singing. So that's the thing, beloved, you know, getting to know yourself. Getting to record. Okay, Now, why am I doing that? Why am I getting up from my dinner to go get a six year old to catch it? Why am I doing this? I want to encourage you to look at the things that you're doing with your children with other people and as opposed to reflecting back on. I got to do this so I'm not alone. I know how to be alone. If they get upset with the eight year old, ain't going nowhere. You got another ten years with him or her the twenty two year old. Give them permission to do it for themselves so that they don't repeat your pattern.

I need to. I need to let go and get more of me, give more to me.

Well, as a mom, you're not gonna let go, but you can shift. You're not gonna let go, but you can shift. And don't just shift, you know, out of the clear blue, because you've trained the people in your life how to treat you and what to expect. Shift with an explanation. You know, you know what. I'm not doing that anymore. I used to do it and resent myself for doing it. So I'm not doing that anymore. Now. This is what I can do, but that I'm not doing that. Shift with an explanation. That's how you take care of yourself and teach yourself. I can't stand up for me. I am worthy of my own time, energy, resources, and I can use my voice to take care of myself. Well, you don't sound pressed.

I know it's I'll admit I'm quite stubborn or I don't know that's the right thing you even say.

But you're not stubborn. You're addicted to suffering because as a little person home by yourself, there was nothing you could do about it, and you suffered being alone, you suffered being afraid, you suffered being ignored, just suffered being neglected, you suffered being abused, and you became addicted. So now you're addicted to suffering. So even when something comes in to tell you this is how you can end just suffering, you're going to go right back into the addiction at home.

Yeah, feels like an addiction.

It is.

I don't want it no more, but I can't. Yeah, I can't get away from me.

You know, I haven't been able to. I haven't been in the past. I haven't been able to. Not that I can't. You can. And it's about making a conscious choice, a conscious choice, little by little, day by day, moment by moment. Start here, I am who I am, and I'm okay. Do you believe that?

Yeah?

I do.

You can choose to heal day by day, day by day, day by day.

Okay, yeah, I want. I want to heal a real I do choose.

It because in building a better relationship with yourself, you don't want to take on more than yourself can handle in the moment. Right now, let's just eliminate the suffer. Okay, let's recover from me. They don't even mention healing yet. Get until today and let's do you know, because in recovery they tell you to take it minute by minute, and then hour by hour, then day by day, day by day, and then two days at a time, three days at a time. You know, they don't say you recover. You get a chip for every thirty days in recovery. So let's do that. Give yourself a chip. What would your chip be if you make it through a day where you take one step to eliminate the addiction to suffering, or how you contribute to your suffering. What would be a chip? A prize that you could give yourself, what would it be?

I like to dance?

Okay, so could you have three minutes a day sing at the end of the day. If you get through a day where you take one step towards eliminating your suffering. Could you dance? What's your favorite song?

I want to dance with somebody.

Let's not do I want to dance with somebody. That's the more external validation. With another song?

Oh god, okay about I.

Didn't know my own strength? How about that one? Could you dance to that?

Yes? I could? I could dance.

So you work on that, You work on What is the little treat that I can give myself? What is the little special I will?

I will work on that.

Okay, thank you for calling beloved, and take good care of you. Take good care of you because you are the best thing you've got.

Thank you. I will, I will Okay.

Bye bye. Listen. When we're building a relationship with ourselves, the best way again back to self awareness. Become aware of the thing that you do that takes you down. Make a commitment to do a little bit each day to move beyond that behavior or to dismantle that belief. And whatever you do in that day, reward yourself for it. Reward yourself. I don't care if it's two potato chips or three chocolate of an almonds, or a dance or a gold star on the calendar. As children, I don't know if they still do it. In school, we used to get gold stars silver stars, depending upon how soon you completed your work and if you got it right, and if you give yourself a gold star if you don't have resources to spend, or put a dollar in a jar, or put the dollar in the savings account so that you can buy yourself something from just day by day. Becoming aware of what I was doing that was not serving my higher and greater goods, we got one more caller. Hang on, let's see who it is. Meetings. Be loved and welcome to the artist. I thank you for your patience. So what is it that you want to share?

I want to share the relationship with myself. First, I did some self work about two and a half three years ago. I started doing for self work, and I thought I had gotten to a point where I was in a healthy relationship with myself. And then I asked God for a man, and I was very very sopisific about what I wanted in him. And God send me a man, and I forgot to ask God to have him read my mind. And I find myself in this relationship with him, and I loved him so dearly and I found myself in this relationship with him, and I'm not able to articulate always and communicate with him how I want to like. I find myself get real nervous when I feel like it may be a confrontation or it may be something that he doesn't agree with, and I get nervous. I shut down, and I don't know what you're doing. I've never been in a relationship with a man, and I have four children. I've been in I've been married, and I'm just funny help for my mama.

So you have a difficulty asking for what you want?

Yes?

And why is that?

Why is it difficult for you to ask for what you want? And the way you can identify that is just close your eyes and take a breath. It's hard for me to ask that I want.

Because it's hard for me to ask for what I want because I may not like to answer again.

Okay, take another breath.

It's hard for me to ask for what I want because I'm not being all the way honest.

How about because I don't believe I can have it. And that doesn't mean a bad relationship with yourself. It may mean that you don't trust your voice. Yeah, we'll talk about that right after this break. Welcome back to the R spot. Let's get back to the conversation. I learn very early that when I ask for what I want, I get in trouble. I either upset somebody, or I get yelled at, or I get dismissed, or I get diminished. That's just an awareness. That doesn't mean that I have a bad relationship with myself. What makes me have a bad relationship with myself is not asking for what I want and then acting like I don't want it. Explain that to me, what is that?

Because I never thought about thinking that I deserve what I want that I don't deserve it. I think that's probably I ask for what I want, and I got exactly what I wanted, and now I don't feel like I deserve it.

Okay, And why don't you deserve it?

I think it's easier to beat myself up and more familiar.

Yes, And I.

Yeah, it's familiar to lose what I want or not have what I want. So you may be finding ways to chase this man away.

Right right, And I don't want to do that.

No, then don't do it.

Tell me how to not do it?

For what you want with no attachment to the answer. All you have to do is ask for what you want. The thing is, you've got to break the pattern. The pattern. You have to interrupt the pattern. So if the pattern is not asking for what you want, acting like you don't want it, and then becoming resentful because you didn't get it, that's the pattern. And in a good relationship with yourself, you have to be aware of your patterns and how you do, what.

You do and what you get as a result.

So you're saying you ask the universe for something. God source created the universe, it brought you what you want. Now you're functioning in the belief that you don't deserve it, so you'll set it up where you blow it up. You blow your life up because of not believing you deserve it. So you're aware of that. If you have a good relationship with yourself, you're aware of that. Okay, to be mindful that I'm feeling unworthy here and that you know the deceptive intelligence is going to cause me to blow this thing up. So what do I need to do? Where's that? Where's the trigger? The trigger isn't asking for what I want? So you can always say to your beloved. You know what, I'm really afraid to say this right now, but I got to ask you this, and what I want is blah blah blah. What do you want that you're not asking him?

Well, he is. He's very frugal and he's very good financially. He's very good, and I'm opposite. So he came. He came in. First of all, we had this world romance. We met and we've been together ever since the day that we met. And it's so seven months in. I have a beautiful, engaging ring where I'm perfect. I mean, everything is perfect, but because.

Wait, wait a minute, that's not true. Everything is perfect and you haven't shown up fully in the relationship by not asking for what you want. That's not true that everything is perfect. Ideally we talking about reality.

Reality, and I don't you know he is he I don't ask, I don't ask for allowance. I feel like I should have money to do whatever I want, and he feels like I'm not good with money, so I don't need money to do it whatever I want to do with So I'm having trouble asking him, like, how do we how do we go forward with me having a certain amount of money that just I can do whatever I want to do with.

All right, so my ears are now it's you made my ears itch. Are you financially dependent upon him or do you have your own money? Oh?

I have my own money.

So then what do you mean you got to ask him for an allowance?

Oh well, then let me give you. Let me give you the background. So I had a lot of debt and he's helping me pay the debt. My debt to my income ratio is not I don't make enough money to pay the debt. I'm not responsible for any household responsibility. He takes care of all of those needs, and he's paying my debt. He's paying my debt off rapidly, so my debt will be probably gone in June and moving forward past June, I want to know, like, well, I have money to just have like an allowance, like to blow And he's like, you don't need money. You're irresponsible with money. You got to learn responsibility. You got to be disciplined with your money. And I get that. I worked, so there should be money that I could just do whatever I want to do with.

Let me let me just see if I got this help me, because like I said, my ear is an interest. You are a working woman who can spell her name and tie her shoes, and you asking somebody else what you can and can't do with your money seven months in? Really, is that what I am? I hearing you say that, Oh, there's it too much brandy in my deep.

You heard me correct?

Oh, my lord, help me gouge my eye out with a plastic spoon. Gouge my eye out with a plastic spoon. And I understand that he's paying supporting you in the elimination of debt. I understand that, And I understand that in the past you've made some poor choices and bad decisions regarding money. But how will you ever know that you're healed if you don't have money to manage in a better.

Way My sentiments exactly. And so when I presented it to him, initially, the word choice that I used to do whatever I want to do with that sounded irresponsible to him. I work, I don't should not have to explain to you what I'm going to do. This is my money that I can do whatever I want to do, to buy a snicker bar or whatever I want to do.

Why not? Why can't you take one hundred dollars fifty dollars seventy five dollars. If you can't have an open, honest conversation about that, how are you How can you say everything is perfect? And why can't you say listen, this is what I'm doing because I've learned my lesson. I'm keeping one hundred dollars as my mad money. I'm keeping one hundred dollars. If I got to pay twenty dollars less on this debt, I'll do that, but I'm going to have one hundred dollars.

That's what I'm doing.

But I agree with you. I'm going to present that to him like that. I'm going to take one hundred dollars fifty dollars every two weeks to do with whatever period.

But see, you're making this about him and what's off in your relationship with yourself that's creating this. He doesn't trust you with money, but you don't trust you with money, and you're getting so overwhelmed or you know, taking her back by the fact that the debt is being paid off. The debt's being paid off with your money. So if he doesn't trust you with money, beloved, you don't trust you with money. And you're still beating yourself up about the mistakes that you made in the past and avoiding the responsibility of proving that you've changed. You've changed. See, I come from the old school. Forgive me. I come from the old school. My grandmama told me every woman she needs a set of china, she needs a change of underwear, and she needs the low money stashed somewhere that nobody don't know about but her. Do you trust yourself with your own money?

Yeah?

Well, see that's what he's reflecting back to you. First of all, all of this is about lack of limitation. That's why people do bad things with money, and they overspend and they go into debt and credit cards and and all of that stuff because they're moving from lacking limitation what they don't have. What are you lacking? What do you tell yourself that you're lacking? You don't know enough, You're stupid, you don't have enough luck, I don't know.

You have to understand that.

Yeah, I am financially responsible now, but I guess I'm trying to prove myself, and it's just I don't have to prove myself.

But you got a couple of things that you really want to look at here. Number one. So you had all of this debt and this angel has come in to support you in clearing the debt because you didn't believe you could do it on your own. And you're giving all the credit to the angel and not to you. You're not taking any of the credit for yourself. Because you've done this for seven months. You've surrendered to the process. What if you learned. You've learned how to manage money better, You've learned how to make your priorities. These are the things that the Angel has come and taught you. But you don't have to be holding to the damn angel. Let me tell you this is my This is straight up my quilting fabric story. Okay, do you know about my quilting fabric?

Okay, let me tell you so.

I never really had a lot of debt, but I never had no money. Nobody, I didn't have nothing. I didn't have no debt because I believe in cash, cash and carry. If I can't afford it in the moment, I'm not buying it. But when I started quilting, I had an addiction to the Quilton fabric.

It used to be scrapbooking. Now it's quilting.

So I would be buying quilting fabric and then I'd get the credit card bills and I just want to throw myself naked in the middle of the road and drink vodka straight out the bottle because I'm like, what in the world are you doing? So I had to put myself on restriction, not because of anything other than in my relationship with myself. I was doing something that was hurting me. So I had to put myself on restriction. I need nobody to tell me that I had to do it, And because I loved me and I don't like to worry and have anxiety, that's what I did. So I would put myself on restriction. But even on restriction, I said, you got fifty dollars a month, you can spend on quoting fact. That's it. Cannot spend no more than fifty dollars a month. Okay, Well that didn't work too well. So I had to go back in and I had to say, Okay, why are you what? What's what the quoting fact? What are you doing? You know? And there was a void, there was a hold, there was something that I was missing, and I found out it was my relationship with my daughter, you know. And so I said to you, okay, you got to heal up that that so that you're not trying to avoid with the money, with the with the thing with the quilt fab So I did that, and as I got better in my relationship with my daughter, the need to buy the quilt and fabric diminished. It didn't go away, it diminished. So I gave myself one hundred dollars a month. I gave myself one hundred dollars that I could spend, you know, because I improved the relationship. And then you know, it just kind of went away. And then I found myself doing it again, and I was like, what are you doing? Okay, so I had to sit down with myself and I had to say, okay, what is going on here? And you know what it was. It was something so simple. I just liked the pretty colors. I like the colors, so I have to give myself permission to like it, but also discipline myself. So here's my question to you about him, about you, what is the spending of the money about Heal that up and learn that you can be trusted and give yourself parameters. Give yourself a container, a structure. If it's one hundred dollars a paycheck, fine, but you can't go over that. And if you do, then you don't get to throw yourself on the railroad track. You can get to say, Okay, what is this taking me over this hundred dollars a month? And that's about you beloved in your relationship with you, not with him, because you don't want to be beholden to anybody about this healing that you've created for yourself. You created him, you attracted him, you brought him into your life. He's serving a purpose and you love him, he loves you. You all are going to get married, but you but you got to be able to have a complete conversation and on this conversation. Does that make sense to you?

Right? It makes sense?

Yeah, don't abdicate your responsibility to do your healing work in your relationship with yourself. And if you don't trust you with money, he will never trust you with money. And when you build that relationship between you and money, what is your relationship with money? That's the next show we're going to do. What's your relationship with Bunny? And most important of all, in this relationship with him, and I'm not losing sight of the fact it's easier to beat yourself up. That's also something that you got to work on so that you don't blow this relationship up, so that you have see that's what I did.

I did.

He was a good man and he helped me get out of dead and I blew the money whatever. Heal up that stuff and you learn to trust yourself. Become current in your relationship with yourself. Who are you today? Who are you as a spiritual warrior? Who are you as a full grown woman and her big panties with a man who honors, loves and respects her. Who are you? You're not a little girl waiting for daddy. You're not a irresponsible with money. Come current in the truth of who you are today, and behave accordingly. Behave accordingly.

Absolutely. I just need to see hear my mama, tell me that's who I am. I'm a powerful creator. That's who I am, and I emagesty, I emagency, and I know who I am and I need.

To walk in Okay, there you go, all right, bye, I ain't talking to you no more. Yeah, you know, we will talk ourselves out of it. Too much mind. I love that line from the Last Samurai. He was fighting learning the martial arts with one of the Samurai warriors, and the young boy said to him, too much mind. In our relationship with ourselves, sometimes we have too much mind. Remember what happened and what we didn't do, and what they did and what they should have done. But come current, be current. Who am I today? What am I doing right now? What do I feel right now? Respect yourself enough to be aware of who you are now. You've read a book, you took a class, you saw a podcast, you listen to somebody. Take that information and act on it in your relationship with yourself right now, and stop worrying about what didn't happen or what you did yesterday, what you did last week. Well, I can say I haven't bought no quilting material because I was minding my business.

Y'll, you know how to.

Stuff pop up on the side of your computer. There was quilting fabric and the name of the collection was Beloved. Okay, I pop right up in my computer. Now you know I had to buy that. I had to because the name of the line of fabric was called Beloved. So hear what I did you know when you buy quilting fabric, you can buy a bundle, you can buy a charm pack, you can buy a jelly roll. These are all the different ways that the fabric is cut. I had to buy Beloved, but I didn't have to buy the most expensive one, so I bought it. I bought the middle one, one that costs forty dollars, not the one that costs ninety seven. Because in my relationship with myself, I want to honor myself not also want to identify and stop the ways I contribute to myself. What is your relationship with yourself? Are you aware of yourself? Do you respect yourself? Do you value yourself? You honor your worth?

And do you love yourself?

Begin within work on those things. I hope that you know something now that you didn't know when you tuned in. And until we meet again, stay in peace and not pieces. The R Spot is a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

The R Spot with Iyanla

Each week, New York Times best-selling author and famed spiritual life coach, Iyanla Vanzant, invite 
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