In this week’s episode, Iyanla dives into the power money can have over us. The first caller feels she does not have the funds to live within her means, while the second caller works two jobs to make sure her family never goes without. Iyanla helps these callers redefine their money relationships.
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I am a Yamla. I had a baby daddy relationship. I spent time in a relationship with a married man. I had to learn the skills and tools required to make my relationships healthy, fulfilling and loving. Welcome to the R Spot, a production of shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. Blessings and greetings. Welcome to the R Spot, the place we come to talk about all things relationships, all kinds of relationships and relationships with all kinds of things and people. I am Yamla, your support, your facilitator, your hosts for today's investigation and explore. We're not talking about people today. Well, we are talking about people, but we're talking about people's relationship with money. Money, money, money. You know. I consider money to be a living thing because money is energy and energy represents power. And it always amazes me that people speak more often than not in the lack of money, which says to me they have a lack of energy and possibly a lack of power. Money is a thing, it's living and it supports us in giving and receiving the things we need to live. And so many of us have a disfunctional relationship with money. We have the same kind of relationship with money that we often have with people. So my question I got some questions for you about your relationship with money. Are you a good money partner? And are you a good partner to money? If money is a living thing, if it's an energy, if it's a power, what does your relationship with money look like? I mean, do you court money, you know, take it out, have a good time with it, and make sure it has a good time, you have a good time. Do you know what money likes? Do you know what money makes do you know what makes money feel good? And do you know how money makes you feel good? Do you trust money? Do you trust yourself with money? Do you know that you can count on money to be there when you need it, when you want it? What kind of relationship do you have with money? And what kind of relationship would you like to have with money? Do you want to marry it or do you just want to roll around with it sometime? Yeah, that's what we're talking about today on the r Spot. Our relationship with the energy of money, with the power of money, with the structure of money, and how it operates and how does it operate in your life? I've got some guests to have some interesting relationships with money. Here's my first caller. Greetings, beloved, and welcome to the our spot. We are talking today about our relationship with money. What is your current relationship with money? I mean, is it good? Is it bad? Is it sometime? Is it cheating on you? Are you cheating on it?
It's not harmonious and I'm proving you.
Y'all are cheating on each other. Yeah, yeah, what does that look like? What does your cheating on money look like?
It looks like sometimes I feel like I have enough and other times I feel like I don't have enough, or I'm just like in and out of the relationship.
Yeah, like, that's definitely a cheating on money. Yeah, sometime in sometime out Do you talk bad about it?
No?
Do you talk? Do you talk good to it?
I do? I do? I do. I've learned this though, but I've learned this through you know, a lot of the teachings that I've been learning, you know, on the spiritual front, I really have been like trying to connect with money on a different, like an energetic level, and I noticed one on a balance that it doesn't flow right.
Mm hmmm hm. So let me ask you this. If I were to say to you, who is money in your life? What would you say?
The first thing that came to my head, it's the enemy that separates me from actually being able to be.
Wow, the enemy that separates me. Okay, So if I were to say the money, who is this woman in your life? And it's said, the enemy that separates me from being who I want to be? How would you feel about that?
Oh?
Just deep, Yeah, we're going deep.
I wouldn't feel good about it.
Yeah, And what would you do if you knew somebody thought that about you, felt that about you, said that about you? What would you do?
I probably would either one try to find out why they feel that way, or two I would be like, well I'm out.
Stay the hell away from it, right. So yeah, so let's okay, So let's say that that's the case. Why do you feel that way about me money?
When people in my life remind me that I'm limited to based on the amount of money that I have in order to be able to experience what they experience or things, you know, like do certain things, then it makes me feel that way. And then there are times where I'm like everything always works out. I know that the money is going to flow. I don't have to worry about it. Everything will fall into place. But then when I think, sometimes the reality of how we use the money step in. Then I'd be like, oh, God, like just when that's here and it's I think it's it stimulates from you know, childhood.
You know what was your relationship like with money when you were growing up? What did you learn about money?
Here?
About money? What's your money's story?
Well, my grandmother used like she used to be like, well, that'll always send a ram in the bush, and he did. But then that that'll always send a ram in the bush was like waiting on somebody else to rescue you.
But that means money's scarce. Money's scarce. It only shows up in emergencies.
How do I maintain that frequency where I can operate in the space where I don't look at money, in where I can look at money on an energetic level, where I realize that it's only energy and that I can maintain my energetic stance or vibration to be able to receive it, or to be able to receive those things. Like I was saying, those experiences the things that I desire and be able to have that as and slow.
You know, well, the first thing you have to do is get to know yourself and your own energy because like attracts like. So you've got to look at the places where you think you're in scarcity. I'm not good enough, I don't know enough, I don't have enough, I didn't do enough. You've got to look at that because money is going to be attract to. It's like frequency. So if your frequency and energy and love is low, it's frequency and energy is gonna be loved. So if you're thinking about yourself, I'm not enough, I'm not good enough, I don't do enough, I don't have enough, then money's gonna say, well, I don't want nothing to do with that, cause I'm all there is. I'm good, I'm you know whatever. That's So that's number one up level your frequency about yourself. Your second thing would be you know your worth? What are you worth? Because it's really not about the money. It's about you attracting, creating, calling in what you believe you are worth from the inside out. So when you know that you're powerful, when you know that you are love and light and joy and all of those things, that will up level, your energetic frequency, and you know you deserve to have the home the trip because you said earlier. You know, people telling you or you making up I don't know which it is that people tell you you can only do this or have that based on the amount of money you have. Well that's not true.
Or I have a cousin that always says to me, or a broke person you show do go a lot of places to do a lot of things.
Well I would denounce that, and I would say, I am not broke. There's nothing broke about me. Nothing broke about me. And we'll talk about that when we come back. Welcome back to the r spot. Money is just the medium of exchange, that's all it is. But most of us are or raised in the consciousness that money is the result of what we do. And even though you're trying to be grateful, you think you have to do things or think things or say things. Money is not the result of what you do, your ability to attract money to create you know, abundant situations is a function of who you believe you are, not what you do.
Does that make sense, Yeah, you say, operate in the belief and not not not focusing on what I would cause a mantra.
Well, mantras are very, very powerful. But what do you believe your worth? If the universe said, okay, baby, I'm gonna pay you X amount of dollars a day. I'm gonna bring you X amount of dollars a day, what would you ask for?
I never even thought about it.
What do you think you're.
Worth about dollars a day?
Ten thousand? Why? Ten thousand? You know? See me, I'm worth an unlimited supply because I don't know what's gonna come up today. I'm worth an unlimited supply. There is no number on it.
And you know what's funny, because I'm thinking what you're saying, like in a number. But I also know, I know, And this is this is where I really really know that I am priceless, Like I.
Know that, Yeah, okay, well live it. I want to. I want to offer you an abundance principle from John Randolph Price. So take a breath and close your eyes, and when you hear this, tell me how it lands in your body. I am conscious of the inner presence as my lavish abundance. I am conscious of the constant activity of this presence of infinite prosperity. Therefore, my consciousness is filled with the light of truth. I am conscious of the inner presence as my lavish abundance. I am conscious of the constant activity of this mind, this presence of infinite that means without end prosperity. Therefore my consciousness is filled with the light of truth. How does that land in your body?
I got like tangling sensations in my head and I have like I saw a white light in like my third eye.
Yeah, and notice I talked about abundance and prosperity and truth. I didn't say anything about money. So I think you have in a relationship with somebody you don't really know. So get to know money, Get to know what it is, get to know how it operates, get to know want to be with it, and check that thought that you have that money is the enemy that keeps me from being who I want to be. Okay, work through.
That due thank you, and in the meantime, I'm gonna work myself.
We got to get clear about who and what we think money is. We think of money as you know, like a one night stand. You know, I need this for this, I need you now for this. I need you now for that a one night stand, just popping in and out, trying to get hooked up for the moment, as opposed to understanding that money is in the flow of how we think that money is. Let me blow your mind right now. This is pearls for clutching. Okay, pearls for clutching, So just go ahead and grab your pearls out. There is no shortage of money. There's no shortage of money. There is more than enough money to go around, for everyone to be wealthy, for everyone to have everything they need. There's no shortage of money, people. The shortage is in how we think about what we think about money and what its purpose is in our life. Money's purpose is not to buy things and get things. It's to give us the opportunity to experience and express our abundance. So maybe we should stop talking bad about money and start living with a consciousness of abundance. Let me see what my next caller has to say about that this is a one night stand or just a baby daddy. Greetings of love it and welcome to the art spot. We are talking today about our relationship with money. I want to know, do you have a long term, committed relationship are you doing a bunch of one night stands with money?
So my relationship with money is dysfunctional. I feel, so.
Start work two jobs and I do hair. Then I have a corporate job as well. So I think I'm chasing money because I don't feel secure with my partner.
And so, wow, so you use a money chaser.
I'm chasing it because when I was growing up, I didn't have much. So I just recently bought a home and I feel like I'm building a life for my kids that I didn't have. So I'm scared to lose it. And I don't want to depend on my cientific other because I feel like he does not give the most, just a minimum. So it's just scary for me. So, I mean, it's very dysfunctional I feel, and I'm just I'm kind of spinning at this point.
Yeah, woo baby. Let me tell you something. If I was a dollar bill, i'd be running the hell away from you because you scared of me. Yeah, you scared of me?
Yeah?
And then probably if you're not, if you're afraid to lose me, you're probably clutching on, squeezing, holding me a little too tight.
Yes, yes, yes, yeah, that's okay, And I find myself spending a lot of time away from my kids because I'm doing both. And so I'm just trying to figure out a balance with that and trying to figure out not to be so afraid about it. So I don't know what to do.
So, so you and money are kind of dating, but money won't put a ring on it. Yeah, because that's what it's That's what it sounds like you're doing with your partner too. That's what sounds like you're doing with your partner. So not only are you afraid of money, you're chasing money, you're squeezing money. You're scared of money, but you've got money wired up to other people.
Yeah, that's true. It's with him. I just I feel like with him, I mean, I can't really focus on our relationship because I'm so scared because I feel so it's like unsecure in an aspect of it. So, I mean, yeah, this is a lot time frustrated.
So let me ask you a question. How did you build your romantic relationship with your partner? How did you build that?
So when it first started, it kind of started off me coming out of a relationship, and so I mean I think it's just built on like a friendship. In the beginning, he was just there for me, and then like once I came out of my toxic relationship, we just kind of ended together. So I don't think that. I think it was kind of like a roughh decision. I didn't really field it out before I jumped in it, but it just felt good at the time. So I mean, the foundation, to me, it was a little shaky.
So it's not as bad as it was, but it's not what you want it to be.
Correct.
Yes, that's exactly what you're saying about your relationship with money. Not as bad as it was when I was growing up, but it's not what I wanted to be now. Yeah, exactly the same thing.
Yes, I agree.
If I were to ask you, tell me two things that you love about money.
One is it provides for my family stability and freedom.
Is that true that money provides stability and freedom for your family? Is that true?
I mean, I believe it is. I believe it's true.
Okay, So you believe it's true that money provides stability and freedom for your family. So let me ask you this, is there something as true or truer than that money provides for me, provides stability and freedom for me and my family. Is there something as true or truer than that statement?
No, I don't think so.
I don't think so.
I think that's what it is for me. I mean that's just what I maybe would I want it to be for me. But it's technically not freedom because I'm always glued to either computer screen or somebody here. So that's I am kind of I guess the freedom is not there for me.
Uh yeah, I love and Okay, So what you like about money is that it provides stability and freedom for you and your family, and we already know that that's not true, all right? What else do you like about money?
That it can buy me things? That I can buy my kids whatever they need. That is it just sometimes it gives me security to know that it's there if I need it, I if something comes up, if an emergency comes up, or is just there for me?
So, oh, money is there for you to buy you things? You like that about it, that it's there to buy you things?
Yeah, to provide to provide the things that I wanted?
Okay, provide what you want? Is that true that money provides you with the things that you want to need. Is that true?
Mm hmm.
Yeah in a sense, in a sense.
Okay, I'm not challenging you. I just wanted to know what you warnt about money. You said that it provides you, you and your family with stability and freedom. That's not true, but that's what you believe. And then because in order for you to have the money, you've got to be on a computer screen or on somebody's hair, so you really don't have the freedom. That's number one. And if you're not on the computer screen, if the computers all blow up tomorrow, and if everybody shaves their head ball, what you're gonna do nothing.
I won't have that.
And then you said okay, and then you said that money buys me the things, not my choices, not what I think I deserve or need in the moment, but it's money that buys these things. So you're telling yourself that what you have is what you want. And when we don't think we can have more, we'll talk ourselves into believing that what we have is really what we want. And it doesn't sound like you have the kind of relationship with money that you want to have with it, But you're telling yourself. I got to do this so I can have what I want and what you have ain't what you want.
This is true, I do that.
Is that crazy as hell? Or what is that crazy?
It is? It's crazy?
Oh yeah, it's sure. Do you know that it is not your jobs or doing hair that brings money into your life? Do you know that?
No?
I don't.
Yeah, what brings money into your life is your desire to have it, and you made up this is what I have to do to get it. Yeah, because money is energy. Money is energy, that's all it is. And money is flowing everywhere. You have a desire to have certain things, and either because of what you saw, what you heard, what you were told growing up, you, like so many of us, were suckered and snookered into the belief that the way to get money is to work hard for it.
Yeah.
Would that be accurate?
Yeah, it's definitely accurate. And it's it's scary and it gives me anxiety. So I think that's why. Yeah, I do what I do, and then I'm beating myself in the ground, will working myself in the ground and in stressing about it in the process.
And so you hold money like you're the other like you're the other woman. Yes, I get it when I can. Yeah, you decide piece.
Yeah, I feel like that.
I want to say this to you again. I want to say this to you again. It's not your working. It's not you're working that brings money into your life. It's your desire to have certain things. You could focus more if you would focus more on the desires without the fear. And the fear is a learned behavior, learn from childhood, scarcely, lack poverty, conscious If you would focus more on the desires, certain things would show up and you wouldn't even have to lift a finger for it. And we'll talk about that when we come back. Welcome back to the art spot. Let me tell you quick story. So there was this class that I wanted to take. I wanted to take this class and it was a six month class and the class costs ten thousand dollars. But because of you know, I'm always working in the world, working with people. I can't give what I don't have, so I'm always studying, always seeking, always learning. So when I read about the class, I said, Okay, I'm gonna take this class. I didn't even know how much it costs. I didn't know. I didn't have any idea. And when I called to do the orientation, I was talking to the woman and she said, what I would like to do is offer you a fifty percent discount on this class. And I said, okay, I'm going to pray about it. I'm gonna think about it because I got to make sure that I have the time to do the class. I wasn't worried about. I didn't know how much it costs. So we went on talking a little bit more and she said, so, you know, I know your work, I know who you are, and I really want to offer you this because I really think this would be supportive to you as you work with other people. And I said okay. I said, you know what how much is the class? And she said ten five hundred dollars and I want to offer you fifty percent off. And I said, okay, let me think about it. And then like a brick fell on my head. The Holy Spirit dropped the brick on my head and I said, oh, wait a minute, wait a minute, I'm in, I'm in. You have said to me twice that you are giving me fifty percent off this class, and what is there for me to think about. I want the class and the universe is providing it to me. And I said to her, forgive me. I am learning how to receive. You've got money need tied to your work, which says to me, you probably don't even know how to receive. No, you're looking at your partner and what he isn't doing, as opposed to receiving what he is doing and being grateful knowing that it can multiply, because if you're saying to him, it's not enough, not enough, it's not enough, and I'm insecure, I'm going to lose. You know, how do you think that makes him feel? As a man, telling him he's inadequate. Yeah, And you're not telling him that about him, you are speaking that about yourself. I am inadequate to get what I need? Can you hear me?
Yeah?
And that's what happens to the side piece. The side piece said, well, why can't he stay with me? Why can't he be with me? Why can't I have what I want? Why he over? That's what you say it?
Yeah, Yeah, it's a lot of wives. It's a lot of wives going on over in here.
You are gonna shift your consciousness as it relates to money. I'm gonna give you a principle. Okay, I'm gonna give you a principle, and you're gonna walk this principle here. It is. Money is not my supply. No person, place, or condition is my supply. Because what you're talking about is supplying your desires, supplying your needs. My awareness, understanding and knowledge of the awe providing activity of the divine mind within me is my supply. My consciousness of this truth is unlimited. Therefore, my supply is unlimited. Money is not my supply. My supply is unlimited. So what your work is, beloved is to really get to an unlimited consciousness, focus on your desires, and dismantle your childhood's story. When you were a child, did people give you money? Or when you had a little bit of money, what happened? Did you get an.
Allowing so you spent it?
So yeah, yeah, so again the side piece in and out, in and out, in and out, yeah, in and out.
You didn't know when it was coming, you didn't know where it was coming from. But when it came, you went and got what felt good, and then you went on about your business till the next time you got to dismantle that, did you You have to dismantle that. Money is not your supply. Your desire is your supply that tracks the energy of what it is that you're calling forward money. You're you're not making money by working. That's that's not what you're doing. You think you are, but you're not. What keeps you working is your desire to have the home. So you got a lot to dismantle in there, Okay, by bye. You know it's interesting, I was the other woman. I was the other woman in a relationship for a long long time, really really loved this man, and I was the other woman, constantly afraid that he was going to leave me, constantly afraid that he was going to go back to his wife, constantly afraid that what I had I was going to lose. It. Is that not the story that my caller just told. Yeah, because when you decide piece, when you the other women, you gotta take what you can get, and no matter how much you do, it's like they're not going to leave the other person to be with you. And some of us are having a side piece relationship with money men and women just getting what you can, doing as much as you can to try to get more and then dissatisfied. Oh yeah, dissatisfied with the way money treats you and the way you treat it. Oh my goodness, listen, go back and look at your childhood experience with money. Go back and look at it, and so that you can begin to understand and recognize what you have to dismantle scarcity, lack you know, fear, and the stories you were told you don't need that. That's a waste of money. I cannot tell you, as an adult how much money I have wasted. For me, wasting money means that I buy things that I don't need, that I instead of planning properly, I wait till the last minute. Then everything costs me more. Or listen, I can't. Okay, let me just tell all the way off myself. Okay. Have you ever gone in your closet and found that you had two of the identical items in your closet and both of them still got the price tag hanging on them, meaning you bought them and you're never warm. You forgot you had one so you wouldn't bought another. That's a waste. That is a waste. Okay, I'm looking at my shelf right now where I got two and three of the same book. Oh Lord help me, but I grew up. That's a waste of money. That's a waste of money. You don't need that, that's a waste of money. So now I try to fill the deprivation by buying things that I don't even need, buying things that I already have to fill that childhood whole. I'm better now. I'm better now. Okay, until it comes to Quilton fabric. I ain't better about that. But I'm in the other area. Listen, I live alone, well with my six year old grandson, and I have two refrigerators. I have two refrigerators and both of them are filled. Shelf, every shelf, every copy, every Why because I experienced deprivation as a child, so much deprivation, so much lack, so much scarcity. So if I'm talking to you, go back and look at what you experienced as a child, But more important, look at how it's showing up in your life today. How are you acting that out today? And then you make the adjustments. You can make the adjustments. One of the things that I do when I'm feeling deprivation and I want to go shop, and I can shop anywhere. I can shop in the drug store, I can shop in the supermarket. I can shop, you know, on the flea market. I can shop anywhere. I can buy. I can always find something to buy. But one of the things that I ask myself when I'm feeling that deprivation in my body, I know how it feels, and I go out to buy something, I ask myself, Okay, what are you feeling? Why are you buying this? Why are you buying this? And if I'm buying it to fill that hole, I stop, I stop myself and I okay, let me fill the hole. Let me fill the hole. People do that with food, They do it with drugs, alcohol, sex, and shopping money, and that doesn't have anything to do with money. And it's availability or lack of available availability that doesn't have anything to do with money. It's availability or lack of availability that has to do with what's going on inside us. Because money is just energy, and if we have a dysfunctional energy within as it relates to money, we're going to act that out in some way. Well, I hope you heard something today that you can use in your life. Something you know now that you didn't know when you tuned in our relationship with money. Let's clean it up, let's lift it up, let's elevate it. Okay, and I'll see you next time. So in the meantime, stay in peace and not in pieces. The R Spot is a productection of Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite show.