Nikki is back on that Diet Coke sauce. She had so much fun on Conan Needs A Friend but was secretly second guessing herself. Nikki's inner voice is a 7th grade boy and Andrew gets nervous around Frat guys. It's hard to get a group together but Nikki has a trip planned with her girlfriends. Just in time for the premiere of FBoy Island season 2 on HBO Max, Nikki finds a headline that she really likes about it. They play The Blankest Thing I've Ever Done and reveal their "couhlest" moments!
The nick Guy post. Nikky, Hello here, I am welcome to the show. It's NICKI Podcast. It is Wednesday. I'm in Sonny, Los Angeles. I don't know what it's like outside because I got the blackout curtain straw Jess kidding. I went outside already to get a diet coke. I'm back on the sauce and uh, you know what I got. I found about diet cokes is that if I drink them from cans, my mouth starts getting like sores in it. Like I start like it is abrasive to my mouth. But bottles, plastic bottles, which are terrible, like give source to the planet, better for my mouth, more refreshing. I like a I like a diet coke out of a bottle. Um, what do you guys prefer your sodas out of? Like some people are like I love the Burger king On I seventy and olive the fountain. People love fountain soda from specific places found soda, Chick fil a, diet coke. Good ice ice is very important. Always has the ice has the same ice. Yeah, it's good ice. It's crushed. Oh gotcha. I thought you were saying, like I I get there Chick fil A. I get the good ice. It's like as opposed to what they have like the crushed isn't like the little um almost like little hackey sacks of it like the little they're like little balls or is it like shaved they're bolish is they're kind of in the middle and there And for some reason, crushed ice is a little whiter less clear than regular ice, I find, which which is interesting. I used to have a friend whose dad became obsessed with making ice completely clear, and he would like check on his ice. What I gotta ask him about that? I remember his dad was obsessed. He was like my dad's kind of losing it. He like loves making his eyes clear. There's a certain way to do it where your ice cubes will be completely clear and there's no haziness in them. I guess the haziness is like air. Who knows. I'm not a scientist, but I could drink. He drank a lot of water and then piste in an ice tray. That's how you get it perfectly clear. Perfectly clear. Man. Oh yeah, no beats no asparre guess, no beats welve dude. One time I took um, I had stomach aches from taking Mooden hancers. I think I told you that Sammy stuff. It hurt my stomach. It hurt my stomach so bad. I started taking pepto bismol and then I started shopping black, and then I assumed I had stomach cancer from the Sammy. But I didn't know that peto bismol makes your ship black. So I didn't know that either. I don't think that's a common thing. Really, isn't that weird? You could eat marshmallows all day, like, only marshmallows all day and it will still come out looking like poop. You can eat only white, like the most crisp white like hickam a marshmallows, And I don't know what's other cool with cauliflower, just pure white foods like crackers. What are some other I'm going to think of white people's foods, um um kind bars, and it'll just come out looking, uh like poop. Yesterday Kirsten wrote to me and was like, oh man, I was not feeling good all day and all I can think about I forget if we talked about it on this podcast. But when you have a giant ship in you and it's just like nothing but like a little bit of skin is keeping that from everyone else in that Lulu lemon. It's so people literally call it a turtle head poking out like it's already out and people are still walking around. It's so much in you. Yesterday, I like, I, you know, went after I had a long day of podcasting and I was like, oh my god, I did Conan's podcast, in Marin's podcast with John Wayne. Levels of ship in me like like impact, like it was, I feel like you it was. I was almost there with a partner, like we were doing a like it was. They should have had an extra mic for it. I didn't feel it, though. I didn't know. What's that thing when you have a hoe down where it's just you and the ship and you're like making your partner around and around. I was thinking more you got your your hand on your six, your six shooter, and then ship. I didn't know that I was consuppated. Though that's a problem with consulpation. I don't I'll just be a cranky widow baby and not know that there's a lot of stuff inside me that needs to get out, that it is not ready to come out. I hate when you can't Why can't you just poop? Why did your body hold onto it? I know it's probably dehydration. Let me as I chug a diet coke, let me get a smart one in me, But in person, how did that feel compared to Because you've you've you've done like four, like three things with him via zoom over covid, and then you've done a show. No, I did a show twice over zoom, and then I did this. I've done this podcast in person before, but this isn't a new studio, and this is after I have become a huge fan of his podcast, Like it meant as much to me as like doing his TV show when I first did it, you know, like in terms of like how much I listened to, Like I used to watch Late Night with Conan O'Brien every single night from junior year of high school until like senior year of college. Like it was just a ritual every night to watch it. And so it's a big deal to me to do it. And then this podcast, like his podcast I listened to all the time. They're like the way that people feel about us as like their friends is exactly the way I feel about Gorley Sona and Conan, Like, I just love it's just such. It's such a good podcast. Not to like talk about other podcasts, but I mean, it's so fucking good. It's so funny. It's a few like ours. You will like their's. It's very similar. Conan needs a friend, con Brian needs a friend. How did I feel being in a new was the studio more they put away more money into it? Did it feel more like professional or was it better work? Yeah? I mean it was like a house. It's like you walk into a house and it's like, um, someone a really nice girl met me outside, so excited that you're here. I walk up the stairs. There's like a basket with all these snacks. Conan is at the top of the stairs. There's people like there's all his producers who I recognize from doing the Show of a Billion Times. Like in it used to be like a we work space, not really what we work, but like a women's we work. So it's like this it almost looks like it could have been a domestic abuse shelter for women. Like it's a house, but it's like nice and it's like has a nice kitchen, and then there's like living space where there's like tables, and so there's producers working in like right D's and then there is his studio that we went to. We just walked to a studio and then just started potting and just sat down. And you have to say, you know, like I'm Nikki Glazer and I feel and then it's like blank about being Conan O'Brien's friend, and then you fill in the blank, and then the podcast just starts and it's, uh, chill. Yes, last time I said overwhelmed in the seme, I said chill because it's an inside joke for people who listen to the podcast. Um that, But I really struggled with it. I was gonna say snuck because that would also be an inside joke because one time Jennifer Garner was on Conan show and he said something like and then you snuck over here, and she goes, snuck isn't a word, Conan, you should know that you went to Harvard. And he's like, he's a little miffed, and then they get out the dictionary and he looks it up and he's like, snuck it. She felt really stupid, and uh so I was rainstorming about what to say, but it was a you know I'm really struggling, toy. I honestly would like to like not talk about my appearance on Conan, because I am going through the thing I always go through after conan Um appearances, which is man, I could have been so much funnier. I was just so nervous. Not nervous, but I'm just so like I'm trying. Like it's weird what my brain does when I'm like relaxed and I'm around people who I know are just like tickled and everything I say, I can be really funny, like when I'm on stage, I could be really funny when like people and Conan thinks of funny, Sona thinks and funny girly. As a fan, I just couldn't. I was just two in my head of like be present, listen to what he's saying, try to get it on the laughs like, and also be interesting, don't be too like. I just feel like I always um talk about my low self esteem, especially because like Conan has it too, and I just feel very connected to him in that way of like feeling like an imposter. And it's insane to me that Conan O'Brien, who is my number one, thinks that he's not good enough sometimes and he's very open about that, And um, I always feel like I whenever I talk about my low self seem on like literally every podcast, and and usually I'm talking about how I have overcome it or how I'm dealing with it, people tend to like feel sorry for me or think that I have like that I'm struggling all the time. But and not that he did or anything, but a lot of times every time I leave Conan, whether I'm doing his TV show or his podcast, he always takes a moment afterwards to be like, hey, like you can call me if you ever need to, like I'm I'm here for you, like I ain't, like I really want you to like get the help that you need. And I always feel like, what am I saying that's making people think I'm like because I'm doing all right, like I really am well, I feel chill about being going on Brian's friend and then by the end, I'll get your help, I know, But they did say so I say a chill because, um, there was one podcast where like Matt and Sona and Matt is like Noah and Sona is like you, and they all Matt and Sona are always talking about like you know, they're always just teasing Codon because he's so uptight and like, you know, a perfectionist, and like they're kind of chill. ConA will like you know, do edibles, and Matt's just like an easygoing guy and they're like, we're so chill, and He's like, I could be chill and they're like, no, you can't. So they started doing these episodes where they have no guest on, where it's just um, two summers ago, you guys got if you want to just step into the Conan O'Brien universe, obviously, I would recommend. The Kevin Nealon episode is the funniest podcast besides my own that I will you will ever listen to? I sent it to Andrew to listen to. Wasn't it just insanely good? So funny? Don't listen to it before you listen to my episode of Conan. You will be sorely disappointed in me because Kevin Ellen is so goddamn funny. It's just top to bottom. Don't skip the first part. But way, um, they give him shit about not being chill, and so they came up with this thing that they were doing these like extra episodes during COVID maybe when they could. You know, they were just trying to make more AD revenue, make more episodes. But thank God for it because they did this segment um based on that conversation called um Conan O'Brien and uh, like it's like something about the in the chill chums, and they called him themselves that, like the chill chums, and so I said, I was like, really chill, And the truth is I'm not chill about being Brian's friend at all. I'm extremely anxious about it. And but it is weird, like and not even just Conan, like any time I do a podcast. I even went and did Marin and like it's, uh, he's in um, he's in a guesthouse kind of situation. He's moved since that garage, and so it was a new I had done his podcast when he was at his old place, but and the whole place. I remember being like Barack Obama has been in here, and he was like, yes, right there, um and then yeah, he let me like drink from the water bottle brock drink from I'm just kidding, but I would have loved to do that. I wish she would have kept it whatever Um ruined the seed. Yeah, I mean you're so into brock Oh my god, I'm so horning for brock Um. But even Marin, like I can just tell there's always like this like poor nicky thing and I and I want to just say, I think it might be because other people aren't as honest about having low self esteem and struggling with things as I am, and so people think that me sharing that I have this stuff, which we all have, other people just don't share it as openly that people think it's either a cry for help or that because it's so rarely shared, she's clearly struggling more than any of us, when really I just have less of the walls that other people have. It's not that I'm struggling any more than anyone else. I just don't censor myself about it, which I'm so grateful, Like thank God for people that pick up on people asking for help. And sometimes I have done cries for help of being like I'm going to shave my head or whatever, and like wanted people to be concerned. Why do you think, Yeah, why do you feel like because I've done similar similar things When I go on podcast where maybe I'll get nervous or I want not people to like me more, but like I'll share more where I feel like, oh, this will get to people. This will rather than just like a mundane conversation of like next thing. You know, we've just choked about ice cream for twenty minutes, but that could be great superpower. Yeah, I feel like and that's where That's where I'm in the clutch, is being open emotionally, Like I feel, yes, I'm funny, Yes I could talk about ice cream and riff Conan though he's he's a riff god like I no matter what, I will never touch his level of riffing. And I would even say Gorely and Sona like are on his level, like they are so fucking fun and like have learned from him and they just had like this great rapport. I want it felt like I intentionally go to it. I think that that's the one thing I can do that other people can't do, is get really really really fast. And I think sometimes obviously it throws people and it makes people maybe a little bit uncomfortable. But I feel like if I can't be I could not be my funniest yesterday, I just couldn't there, I was not in my funny zone. It just wasn't gonna happen for me. So why not lean into the thing that I know? I you know, even if I'm nervous, I can always kind of nail it, can do better when I'm nervous at revealing uh personal things, and so I think that sometimes they could come off, and I just for some reason, Conan brings it out of me because Conan is someone that I projected so much perfection onto for so long and just admire so much and would like, you know, I would probably kick Marian to even have uh two ounces as much that you know, committ talent as Conan from my estimation of like how I see myself compared to him. And I know that people will be like, no, you guys are, but to me, I would do. He's a god to me in terms of comedy, and so I think that when I found out from watching his um from listening to him on his podcast and then also his documentary I Can't Stop or all die, I think it's called something like that. I learned that like, oh my god, we're really similar, and so I always want to talk to him about that because if I can find out that Conan is like me in that way that he doubts himself, then maybe I'm wrong about myself when I doubt myself. Like uh, it also makes you feel the good, you know. I don't know. That's I think why I get into that, But I don't know. I think there's something about sharing, sharing not just for you, but then getting someone else to share some of their insecurities, which then will get their fan base to actually relate to them even more. Because usually Conan is the one interviewing, like he's the one asking the questions. It's gonna be it would be kind of weird if the interviewer was like, Okay, but you know, I get sad sometimes Okay, you didn't even ask a question yet, you know what I mean, Like you're allowing him to open up stuff with like asking him questions. I do have to say, though, I have this weird thing with like podcasting now or going on other people's shows where I just think everyone hates me, like the the the tone. I'll I have to overcome people hating me already because they think I'm too dirty or they think they think I'm All she does is share about her eating disorder. Or all she does is talk about her low self esteem, like and it's weird that I would even go into that, but I just I mean, I know the audience listening to this show right now cannot relate to that in anyway because you guys really like me and it feels amazing, But I just feel like, I don't know I was talking to I went to uh coffee with Taylor Tomlinson yesterday. It was so much fun and I was talking about um someone recently asked me, like, who do you think are worse for female comics? Other female comics or male comics? And I was thinking about that. I think that what was my point going to be with this? That I feel like I feel like every like most men that are kind of like your basic man that might not be an outright feminist. Not that they were like a bad person, they just haven't like they think maybe feminism is like ikey, they allowed themselves to like one woman at a time like that. They you know that they don't want to fuck, and I would like to be liked as a woman who they don't want to fuck, And they don't you either, like Taylor Tomlinson, like they to prove that they're not a total misogynist. They like one woman to go see. But I think Taylor is funny, so I'm not. But when I so, when I say Whitney and Nikki and Eliza and Amy suck, but I'm that's not because they're women. I like Taylor or I like Nikki. So when I say all those other women's stuff, and I feel like I'm always trying to win over that guy, and it's stupid because that guy is a sad person. And but there's always this competence I think with with men with these like kind of guy characters. And Cohen's podcast is not have that kind of listeners. They're actually more like our listeners for sure. But I just feel like, um, and it's again here, I'm back at my low self estatment. This is like the voice that I'm trying to rewrite the thing I believe about myself and trying to disprove it. I'm trying to win over these guys who are actually the voice inside my head that is like, you're not good enough. Everyone else is better than you. And if I win over those guys, then maybe I I'm wrong about myself. So it really comes down to what I believe about myself that makes any sense. No, it does. And I think about that as well with those you know, certain guy comedians or whatever. And I think a lot of it has to do with like you have to be almost a certain kind of comedian or be a certain way to get that approval that you're searching for, and then you kind of disregard people that maybe you like their comedy more, but they're not they don't have as many they're you know, they're not as famous or whatever. And then I don't know, I feel like there's a line between me wanting to impress someone just because they're famous, just because it could help you, as opposed to just being true not trying to get help. I'm not trying, Yeah, I'm just saying for me, like that's how I like where it comes from. Where where it's like approval. I don't know, you don't think like, let's go to break and finish the stuff when we get back. I think the difference here and what we're talking about is I want to win over men who have the mentality of a seventh grade boy. Something happened to me in middle school where I that is when I decided that like boys don't like me, I'll never be cool. These kind of guys decide what's cool, the guys wearing jinkos and the guys that make fun of everyone. I have to stay quiet and like dormant so that they don't make fun of me, and if they do notice me, I want to be like the one girl that they're like Nikki school, she can hang out with us, because I wanted to be hanging out with I wanted to hang out with the boys, not because I wanted to have sex with the boys or blow the boys. I wanted to be friends with them because I grew up, uh you know when my best friend was a boy, and then suddenly I am in school and I have no guy friends because you're you either are a girl that they like romantically or you're like a I didn't want to be a tomboy necessarily, but I was just scared of boys and their judgment and how mean they could be, and I didn't want any of that. Though. I wanted to hang out with them and also be mean with them, like I have a mean stream. I love making fun of people. But I think I still am trying to win over seventh grade boys literally, like seventh grade. Two eleventh grade boys that are just assholes, judgmental of everything, so insecure. All they want is to like get their dick sucked in anything that that won't out like facilitate that they like hate and they're trying to be cool and and poor those poor boys, like they're struggling so much, but they're fine. Thing is they've got so many My senior year, there is a different cup of anger. I don't really care about winning over Eric Harris and Dylan Clebold, but there's something about Eric cart like these these kind of antement I think that like we are definitely yeah, like you you you've pinpointed where it's come from. And also in the last segment, you've had this epiphany that you're really just competing with yourself. It's that inner voice, and it's it's rooted, is the seventh grade boy. Yeah, And if I win them over, then my voice will shut up and and allow me to hang out with it. Now. One thing that I want to say in addition to this is that the thing is so many people, including myself. Like every time I've said this before, but like a big epiphany I had in therapy one time was like telling my therapist I'm scared to go on dates. I was about to go on a date, and she's like, what's your biggest fear? And I'm like that they are going to sexually advance on me. I'm going to reject them, and then they're going to say I didn't want you anyway, you're fat, you're old, you're ugly, and they're going to do the mean thing that men do when they're rejected. A lot of times. F Boy Island season to check it out, we have a moment like that on the show that to me was my worst fucking nightmare if it happened to me but happened to girl on the show where a guy gets rejected and then lashes out like I didn't want you anyway to get you know, that's always my fear. And my therapist goes, that is the fear of like a girl who's dealing with fifteen year old boys, Like where what are you talking about? Like men don't do that, Like if you don't want to have sex with a guy, he's not going to call you ugly. And I'm like, but I just that's the fear, Like I know that it's rare, but there's I can't get over that. I know that an air show's planes don't crash, but I'm never going to go to an air show, even if because there's is a chance that could happen. And she was like, you are stuck in seventh to eleventh grade. You're stuck somewhere in there, And so what I'm saying that I want to win over these seventh to eleven grade boys. I'm not marketing my comedy to those boys. I don't care about, you, know I, But in a way I am because guess who's stuck at that age? To every man, my age, every man, my everyone, I'm stuck at fourteen years old. Have you ever looked at like? Girls? I want you to do this, guys. I want you to do this when your girlfriend or your boyfriend is acting in the way that you are most annoyed by that like the side of themselves that comes out, shrink their body down to like a smaller size, Like if you can in your head and just blur your eyes and picture that person um at different ages and see which one it fits. Because a lot of times when I am being my most like, I don't even want to go like and I'm not gonna do it, and I'm like throwing a little tantrum that I like will throw and be like I don't even care, I don't even want to, like my body movements, everything is it's it's like I'm mimicking a thirteen year old girl. So like we all, if your boyfriend gets more turned on by that, that could be an issue. Listen, sometimes I role play it and I, you know, slam my door and say down, um no no. This is speaking a lot to like ship that I go through. Now. I was friends with a lot of girl. I was like that guy that was friends with every girl. I never hooked up with them. I was always just friends with them and it and it actually hurt me. With my guy group, like the cool guys. I had one cool guy that like me, and then forever I tried to get these guys like me. And then around you your senior year, I smoked a little weed, I listened to a little fish, and I stopped chasing it and it changed and now I'm like back to like I'm literally like back to square one, but I stopped passed on the campus of the University of India, Indiana on scooters. We were on like little Lime scooters years ago when we were first working together, and that was our first Lime scooter, right, we got Andrew got so nervous, not when we passed by girls, you know, college girls, not when we passed by like people our age, when we passed by guy like freshman, sophomore, junior guys and at frat parties. He was so scared of what other guys thought of him, Whereas I like, that would be the yeah, I would be. I guess I don't care what any college age people think of me really anymore, but I'm scared of what people think of me who are stuck in that age people age, stuck there. So like I pursue the approval of men who act like middle schoolers, like all the guys that I go, why do I even care what this? And I get approval of fraternity guys that act like well their age. Yeah. Yeah, the best thing you said to me, you go, they're not even You're so old that they're not thinking of you as whether you're cool or not. You're just like old man on camp. Yes, yeah, it was like we forget like sometimes I try to, like like when I was at the Wilco Festival, I was like trying to be befriend Um Glen Cocci and I think John Stewart, the two band members, their daughters were there. They're like thirteen and fourteen, and they were adorable girls. I wanted nothing more than to hang out with these girls and just like talk about what they care about, like hear what they have to say about boys, and like not like relate to them, but and and not even like coach them or kind of like mentor them. I just to to like hear what little girls are talking about because I miss being that age so bad. And I realized, I mean, it didn't even cross my mind that they would think of me as anything more than just an old woman. But um, even I did it with Bert Chrysler's daughters when they were on tour, like I was with Mark Norman and Shane Gillis and Big Jay Oakerson. And as much fun as I was having with those guys, the second Birch daughters arrived on the scene, who are eighteen and I think sixteen. I was like, and they brought their two friends with them that are of the same age, these four girls. I was like, guys, can you help me, like pick up my outfit, like should I wear these shoes? Are? Like I was like dying for not even their approval. I just wanted to like hang with them, like I still I desperately. I can't wait for Poppy and Harlow to like get older, because I just I love talking to younger kids. But you it is creepy when you try to like and you never want to be the one that they're like, God, thank god she's gone. That's true too. I got paired up with a father and son and golf the other day because I get rid of because I go out and played by myself and I don't know what I do because I think I coached the cross in middle school. So I like I connect to younger kids like I have an immaturity to me. But I do like, like this kid could have been really can be very good at golf, and I realized his dad is a little passive and he probably doesn't get like, Dude, if you work on this, you could, like you really could be something. But how much is just a little encouragement like that send you in a completely different direction? Dude? So I do I just I go, your dad sucks, Your dad's a loser. But I see something in you, That's what I said. Him's not like it's It's been three weeks and I'm out at the course the other day and I'm driving and I just hear Andrew, Andrew, you know, is that you? Is that you? You know? It's me Ben? It's Ben? And I was like, who is Ben? And then I look closer and I'm like, oh, it's the fucking teenager to his dad when you like that you overheard when you were leaving that was a different another uncle and that was a different And he was like, I like that guy. That was I couldn't imagine being paired up with two better guys, uncle or whatever. Yeah, yeah, but I don't know. But it was just like I get what you're saying about, like getting like it's just young energy. There's something that it doesn't feel as tainted as some older people that I know remember being that age and and the freedom and the fun and I just I love and I love like opening their minds a little bit, or saying something that will make them give them some material for their friend group forever of like oh, something cool or something funny or just something weird that I say, like nothing like inappropriate Um, I just miss being a young teenage girl so bad, which is why I'm looking so forward to this girl's trip that I'm going on. Noah's going on it. It's ten girls in the Hampton's next weekend. Yeah, who will survive? Who will? A log line like it really does sound like a yeah, it's next It's not this weekend, but it's next weekend in the Hampton's at my friend Sara Lena's house. Um, and it's gonna be ten of us and my sister's going my you know, best friends from grade school, college and adulthood all convening in one place. And it's going to be so it's going to be like word seventh grade again. I feel like it's gonna wanted last year. I remember when we got to to Loom and You're like, this is not what I envisioned. I want us all in one song. I just want to like hang out on the couch, watch movies, talk blakets, all that stuff. That's like because Selena lives there. I mean, it's so funny we're looking for airbnbs for this. When I was like the early stages of planning, like what's the house that could support ten to twelve girls and it's costly, but I was willing to do it. And then Selena, she lives in the Hampton's in this gorgeous house, and I was like, how many people does your house bed? And she's so generous, like she would like let me move in, like if I wanted to, Like She's just like, oh, girls, totally, you can have it. You can just have the house. I'll just go live in the shack like she's so so generous and um, but she was like, yeah, I mean it's it bet like ten people. She has a house that can have ten people stay in it and they have to. I mean, it's wild, but this is just there for the taking. I'm so grateful for it. Next, like six months from now, you're like, so you think we could do a girls trip again? It at your places? Sarily not probably, Like sure, I mean I'm giving birth that Tuesday, but the way, yeah, you know what, I'll do it in the shallow end. I'll have the baby in the shallow end. You guys keep diving when you get something like that, where like you use someone house and then it's like five later you're like, okay, maybe, But she is different. She is the type to not think that she had in I think April and um, she has obviously a husband, but she also has an apartment in the city. And I was like, hey, listen, if we did your house, and she's like, oh, my god, of course we can do in my house. Are you kidding me? And she was like, are you okay with my house? I'm like, are you It's like so nice. I mean it would be like fifteen dollars a night rental. I'm not joking you like in this places gorgeous, yes, insane during this this weekend in July. And and she's like, and I go, and you know, you can have her baby Leon. I was like, and you know, I don't know how you want to work out with like Leon being there, and like, but we will like give him space. And she goes, oh no, can he not be there? And I was like, yes, you know, I love a mom that's like willing to take three days away from their baby and it's not the end of the fucking world. She is like good Like she is not there's nothing about that that makes me go, oh she's it makes me go she's a good mom. Like she's not obsessive like on our group chat, there's like you have to beg for a picture of this baby. It's not because she doesn't love him. It's just because she's just not one of these parents that thinks suddenly their baby, despite having lived a life where every single time you see a picture of a baby under six months, it is not interesting. It's not different than anyone else's baby, unless you like it's your sister's baby or your best friend's baby. No one really cares. She she like, it's not that she's like hiding it and being like my friends don't care. She just is like not forcing it on us, and and and we were incasonable for leon content. Where's the baby going in the city. Yeah, in the city with um the dad and and um she has people, like you know, she's got a fucking house in the and she has the help, and she's got an amazing like, um, you know baby nurse that works with them, who's like turned into her best friend. And we're all talking about like this needs to be a sitcom because this baby nurse's name is Mavis Davis. Who's gonna milk Sara Lena. Well, that's a good point. She she hasn't uh you know, as long as my sister is coming, my sister will forget all of her pumps. And so I'm glad. I'm sure you can find some boys in the Hantons. Hello, I mean, are you gonna just cook out? And are you guys gonna go out to dinner? Do you think you're gonna do like I'm going to do like an Insta cart thing, or I'm going to have I'm gonna have Sarah Lena send someone out and I'll pay for it obviously, like to um buy a ton of groceries, and like I'll have every girl make a list of like stuff she wants so that it's just there. And then we'll also do like Postmates, because I'm sure that's the thing down there, and we've stayed there before and and had a good time. But uh, and then I'm sure one night person and and there are some girls in our group that like like to cook and like make nourishing meals, um, and so I'm sure we'll do that. But uh, yeah, we're just gonna like hang out and go to the beach and um, but really just hang out and talk and giggle and dance and like listen to music and do meditations. And weird, like I don't know, light as a feather, stiff as a board, uh kind of things. I don't know. Noah, do you have any like goals for our trip? Honestly, I have no goals. I'm gonna be in the car with Carlisle, I think for like eight hours driving from JFK to the Hampton's, and I think it's gonna be so fun. I'm looking forward to it because she's looking so fortunate to She's like, oh my god, I'm gonna drive with Noah. I'm so glad I'm with Noah on that rod. It's gonna be so fun. It's just like it makes me feel so good. She's gonna be there. I don't know if we're gonna leave together. I really hope so, Like so the car rides are going to be a separate like adventure to exactly. So she's like my travel buddy because our flights are are lining up, and um, I just like I cannot wait. We both rented it, like we we rented a car together, so like we'll have our independence if we want to pull off the road and all that, and um, I'm just you know, like I haven't had really like one on one quality time with Carlisle except for like one of the walks into Loom, so it's been a long time. And then I'm also I'm so excited to like how I feel like this is going to sound very strange, but I feel like I'm being transported to high school where I get to have like this gaggle of girlfriends that I've never had before and only have like one close friend growing up. And um, I'm just like so excited because I know everyone's personality. I've gotten to know each one of your friends separately, and now I get to like be in like the cluster. So I feel, yeah, you're in the group. You're at our table at lunch, and I was never the girl that had like, uh, I mean, this is the coolest group of girls you'll ever meet or ever know, and any bestie listening, Like if I was your friend, you would totally be invited to like if we were like, if it was possible, I'd have all the girl besties that listen to the show and maybe some of the guys too, Um, you would all be able to sit at our table. But it's true, It's like it feels so good to me to like having this having. I it's not lost on me that it's really hard to accrew a crew like the ones we like the one we have and um, and it makes me so happy that like it feels selfish to be like, these are all my friends coming together, but I didn't. I made sure to invite all people that get along, and like, it makes me so happy when my friends become friends and like go off on their own and like don't need me to be the connective tissue, you know, Like I think some girl friends as I've been, and I've been this girl before that like I'll introduce two friends and then they will become better friends than I am with either of them, and I will get like wit no, and I want to control it and be like no, you come hang out with me, and like you it becomes content. I never care about that anymore because I am. I just don't question my my friends love for me ever, Like that is the one thing in my life. Like I questioned my boyfriend's love even though I shouldn't. I questioned my parents love, I questioned my fans love. I question you know, my dogs love. I don't have to question it's just a parent. He doesn't really care for me. But for some reason, my friends I just that has always been so solid for me. And I can always like lament about other stuff that like other people have that I don't. But I really won the friends lottery, uh, and I have, like since fourth grade when I met Kirsten. And it really is about luck. If you're a girl that has just like never had friends and never been able to like meet close girlfriends, it is nothing other than like, like, there's nothing wrong with you. I've said this on stage about people that have been molested or like been in abusive relationships, Like you're not different than me just because I haven't been. It's just I got lucky that I haven't been hit in a relationship yet. And like and and I got lucky that I I met these girls that are cool at a time when we were all in the same grade. Like I always think, like if Kirsen was in a different grade, what would my life look like she was in a different class than my fourth grade class, Like what would it be? So it's just luck, you know, And it's waiting for all of us. If you're a girl out there or a guy out there that like struggles to make friends, it's just circumstantial. Yes, there are things you can do to put yourselves in more circumstances to make friends, but there's nothing like inherently wrong with you. You might have social anxiety or something that does prevent you from maybe making more connections, but it's not because you're like not worthy of being a close friend. Like everyone's capable of it. I believe it's also hard to get everyone together. I mean to find a weekend. I feel like the older I get, well, you know, an email will go out like, hey, let's everyone October leave open October ten through, we'll all get together, and then yeah, fuck yeah, bro, can't wait to do it. Oh my god, we're gonna go here, We're gonna do this, Oh my god. Yeah, and then slowly goes, hey, man, I gotta back out because you know, Dave Davis is recital and I gotta back out because I have a hemorrhoid that Wednesday, and I gotta back out. And next thing you know, it's just two guys just being like, well, I'm still single and uh alone, so you want to just want to just come over and watch the football game. It's hard to get people together. Really, what it is like, I knew there were certain girls in this group of ten girls that I know bail and I'm I'm one of them that like are prone to saying yes to something and then when it comes up being like no, Curson is not that. Kristen will commit, she will clear her schedule, she'll make it happen. So it started out me and and the two people that I know we're probably gonna be on the fence about whether or not they could go. My sister she has three kids and a job and you know, um, she just went on a trip to you know, Colorado with me, so getting her to go on this trip. And I just say to them, like, you got to prioritize this, like there's no way you'll regret it. I usually will. If it's a cost thing, I'll be like, let me just take care of that so you don't have to worry about that. If that's like, I'm eliminate anything. And I also say, if you don't want to go, it's totally fine. You could bail out at any point if you want, Like it's going to be so and I won't judge you. I don't care. I'll buy your ticket. And if you fucking don't show up for the ticket. I'm not gonna be like you wasted my money, Like I just want, like to give you the opportunity to go if you want to, and I give them again. We talked about this the other day. The freedom to bail gives people it, you know when I remember in my relationship when I told Chris like I really like, wouldn't mind. This was early on when we were dating, like, I don't mind you like hooking up with other girls, like if you tell me about it, Like I kind of turned on by it, and he was like, it's so funny, Like as soon as you give me that freedom, like there's no desire for anyone else. Like part of the desire to bail is the fact that you can't get out of it. If you do go, you're locked in. And I always say to Carlisle, like Leather Night when karaoke, I was like, if you come, literally I it just take an uber with me there. I'll pay for us to get there. If you walk in and you want to turn on a dime and leave, I'll get you an uber out immediately, Like you don't have to stay, You'll never be stuck. I'll give you an aisle seat, like when we went to go to Broadway show, Like I realized some of my friends need that aisle seat, Like you need an exit plan. You need the freedom to be able to not be judged if you do want to leave, And you need people to just be be gentle and be very forgiving and and too and to just like really reinforced like you deserve this. This is a once in an opportunity, once in a lifetime opportunity to hang out with girls, to not be with your kids. I know you're gonna feel like a bad mom for the weekend, but honestly, you're gonna be a better mom because you're going to have friendships that you're nurturing that your kids need to see you have. And you need to have other things important in your life than working at kids. And I need to fucking hear that it's hard for me to take time off, like I just want to stay and say I don't want to travel on a weekend. I half off. I'm going to New York next week for press. I'm flying back on Wednesday to St. Louis, and then I'm flying back to New York on Friday. It's so important for me to get St. Louis time in to be home and I'm leaving again and but you just have to you can't. You gotta carpet. I think I'm going to go to Nashville this weekend to see Rusty and uh, and he's there. He's actually would Jake go in the country singer? You know, yeah, and we're potentially gonna play a lot of golf. But it's a five and a half hour drive. And I talked to him and I'm like, you know, I don't know, it's kind of a long drive. He's like, look, i'll let you know what the plans are. You come, you come, last second decision, All good. And then I'm like I'm already gassing up the car. Like like his niceness about that of like, dude, it doesn't it matter, like I'll see you a month from now or two months from now. I'm like, okay, what, Yeah, it's just uh, it's it's just very inviting to peopin. You punish people for like not showing up or bailing like you've got really people gotta work on letting your friends off the hook when you when they bail, and you might not relate to bailing. Maybe you're someone who's just like I never do that, so I just get mad when people do it to me. It's not it's like it's never gonna help alleviate the bailing. If anything, it's gonna make people stay further from me. It's gonna make them not return your call because they know when they do call you, there's a there ship to be had. And so you're gonna lose friends if you keep punishing people, even though you're justified because this person is shitty and they're bailing. Just get into forgiveness. I do find sometimes when you call that person that will give you ship, they tend to only a lot of them will give you ship the first three sentences and then it's like back to normal. They just have to get it out. Empathy for them that have to get it out, I know, but those three sentences sometimes I could get through just to get you know, but sometimes those three sentences I don't even want to put up with those, and I will just not all the person because I don't want three sentences like that is really enough to keep me away from someone for years and ruin an entire friendship. And there's something wrong with me for that too, like, hey, look, a sentence a year, A sentence a year? Yeah, you want to give me two sentences? I'll wait two year. All right, we'll be back with more show after this. Alright, we're back. Um, it is time for our Wednesday wild Card segment. Right before we get to it, can I just say that I just got sent a Vanity Fair headline about F Boy Island. Can I read it? Vanity Fair tweeted F Boy Island maybe conceptually among the worst of the current dating shows, but as a vehicle for entertainment, it's an it's a fucking tour to force. Oh man, that's great feeling. That's like the sentence that we were just talking about on the previous segment, where it's like you see you let it all out and say something mean and then you say something nice. Yes, yes, And you know why I love a headline like that. It's just like this thing is terrible, and because it's terrible, Yeah, it is a terrible show conceptually, F Boy Island. I mean, we give you hits. They're they're not saying anything that we are not conceptually. It's it's it's terrible in the sense that like there's three girls looking for Love and fifteen or f Boys and fifteen are nice. Guy Like, that's conceptually like kind of a nightmare. It's not anything you've seen in the real world. It's funny, but it's conceptually what they said, among the worst of the current dating shows. But you know what, that doesn't insult me at all, because you know, there's a show called Is This Cake that conceptually is one of the worst things I've ever heard in my life and it was a Netflix hit. You know, Like, so conceptually, I can you can insult me all the time. But when you call it a fucking tour to force, which makes me think of, you know, a bike race, I sucking. I'm so I'm so excited. I like always cried when I saw this because I read it and I'm like, but it was sent to me by Elon Gale, who um is the you know creator of the show and another executive producer, and he would never send me something negative, so I was just like, yes, it just makes me feel half of that he said, this is a headline, that's it. Yeah, I wouldn't read the article and it's it's all, you know, blowing. So it will be on HBO back tonight at midnight. I believe it's the first three episodes, but I don't even know that yet. And we will be watching Watch this weekend, whatever batch they give us right too, Max tonight and on Monday's episode of Nicklas Podcast, we will review f Boy Island in a new segment. We're calling f anals Island something like that. We are getting to use Andrew's idea for my day for my puzzle. Honestly, conceptually, it's the worst name you've I've ever heard. But another review came from fandom Wire that says comedian Nikki Glazer returns to host the reality competition. She once again proves perfect for the job. She uses her quick wit and incredible humor to poke fun at the absurdity of f Boy Island's premise, while also bringing a genuine perspective to the blossoming relationships. She acts as a Jiminy cricket of sorts, guiding the three women on their confusing and difficult journey to find love and money. So that was nice to be compared to a little booby cricket and just so little. It's because I'm little, That's why they said that. Yeah, so little. The whole show, Um, it's weird dat you on camera. The camera adds a hundred pounds. Let's get to her. Yeah. That was one of my favorite friends lines ever was when Monica They're looking back on old footage from high school and Monica is a lot heavier than she is and she was like, oh, come on the camera, it's ten pounds, and Chandler goes, how many cameras were on you? I thought that was in sixth grade. I remember being like, that is the funniest joke I've ever heard of my life, ever, ever, And I still make dame. That's one of the best jokes ever. Okay, um, all right, let's get to our Wednesday segment. We haven't played it in a while. We are playing the Blankest Thing, and today's um question, where we answered the mostest thing ever is, um, what is it? The what ist thing We've ever done? The cursed, the cursed thing We've ever done? Um? I will start us off. I think I told Andrew this once on like a car ride. It makes me cringe to even think about it, but I once used to bring a cigarette on stage when I smoked at Sanford and Sun's Comedy Club in Kansas City, Missouri. For my open mic set, which was a three minute set. When did you know it was already lit? That would have been care if I lit it on stage, but it would have been lit, and I brought it on stage, and I would definitely light it at a time where I knew I was going to be up next, like I needed. I wanted that cigarette to be a part of my like like I'm so cool and relaxed, vibe disgusting, so lame. Definitely knew I was being cooked because I had a crush on a guy that was one of the comedians who I ended up losing my virginity too, but I wanted to look cool to him and he tell me about it, get to your jokes. So I gotta know more about this because it's what when did you When did you like smokers? But I still brought it on, But when did you think to do this? Was it? Was it a one time thing and then you like ran with it? And when did you feel did it a few times? It was every Tuesday night at the at Stanford and Suns It was open mic night. They were probably like thirty comedians there plus audience. And I think I thought to do it because I saw other comedians and the whole time people are smoking in the show room. I mean this was like when smoking was indoors, so like I was smoking the entire show. But it was like very important to me that like, I gotta have it on stage with me to look cooler. And it does make smoking at the time, and and it does make him look cooler, and I you know, you watch mad Men and you go, there's something to it. But I definitely planned it and needed it because I felt so uncool, you know, like I couldn't How did you get over it? How did you when did you stop doing it? Did you or a patch on stage? Um? I think I just realized how cult was and how dumb it was, because really, you don't you can take a three minute break from a cigarette. Like if I was doing an hour set, I can imagine if I'm like that big of a smoker, I might need a cigarette in the middle of it, But a three minute set, I just and you know what, I started watching comedians who would like take beers on stage or like their drinks, and they would take beers on stage because a beer on stage also makes you look like I'm one of the guys, especially Kansas City Comics used to be like very like everyone's trying to be um just you know, like Doug stand Hope, Yes, like very gritty, like Kansas City Comedy in the early midts or mid tooth. I was like early like two five is filthy, Like that's where I was. It was such a perfect place for me because I was like, yes, finally I can be so dirty. Like everyone was dirty and it was just a dirty club. It was behind the Hooters and like a part of like you but now it's like a cross fit and we were like, do but your cigarettes are still there. They're still there, I think, I mean there's somewhere some they're somewhere because those things do not bio degrade. And I probably threw them on the ground because I was like trying to be kid got it. But I remember seeing guys bring beers on stage and realizing how fucking lame it was. And and now I even when I see it now, I'm more it's just like kid, like you're doing a ten minute set. You do not need a beer. You're only bringing it to like look cool to the audience. And then I started after I quit drinking, I just saw people like drinking beers on stage. I saw them as weak more than I saw them as cool. Like I was like, oh, you need this thing. You're so nervous, you need this thing to calm down. It was like watching someone like us an Inhaler on stage, like I'm you know, like no offense to anyone who has as mom, but it's like kind of like a nerdy like I'm I'm scared kind of thing that I is. So I don't really think that a people with asthma. I know it's a whole different thing, but like there's just something about like you're like a nerd that needs like this assistance to get through this thing. It just seems. And now I see guys like chug It on stage and I'm like, oh, you're such an addict, Like it kind of makes me and I don't want to be judgmental with addicts, but I do think it's could now. And so I think there's the thing though, if you're at a comedy show and there's someone with an inhaler on stage, better heck, heck call that motherfucker. No, no, you gotta really Yeah, if someone's vaping on stage, I actually don't mind it because that is so lame that I think that they must be such an addict that I'm like, more power to them for just doing what they want to do. Like I love when people a lot of cloud and you can't see the act out. That's that's pretty cool. You know, if your cloud is so big it ruined your performance, don't bring a smokes scene, Like you don't need to send in a tone with that. You can just honestly on want to bring like a case of beer for a five minute set and just like hilarious, like the biggest a keg to be like what's the anyways? Let me fill up real quick? Um, so the city's cool? Wait, what are you a whore? Like the other night, I was on stage and I needed to call an uber because I was like, because I was going to my next set and like I needed it to be there right when I go off stage. And so, um now, I know you can like time ubers and so I don't need to as much, but I forgot to do that and so um or you could schedule them ahead of time to show up at a certain time, but I didn't do that, and so I was on stage and needed like an uber, and I thought this audience probably thinks I'm being so cool because I'm just like, I don't care about you. I'm getting an uber, Like it felt so lame to be doing anything on stage that makes it seem like you're like just distracted from what you're doing. Like it's so easy for me, like I don't even need like if I'm doing I remember one time one do I handstand on stage. They were just like so relaxed. They were like, I'm just gonna do a handstand against the wall and like they're like they stretch or they just do like oh, and it's just like, stop this performative. I'm relaxable shit, Like it's I can see through it, but a lot of times audiences can't see through it because audiences can't see through fucking anything. Open your eyes. Comedians are so lame. They are all using tricks. They are cool, They're not They're all on confident, they all have such lows. All this team. Stop thinking that these edgy comedians are cool. The edge needs to be brought back. I can't stand these fucking edgy comedians. I'm sorry. I just don't like the idea of people getting fans by being like listen no one else can handle this, can you like? It's just it's it's it's just, it's a lie. Just beef, You're funny, that's all you need to be. But it actually works, So maybe I'm jealous. Does it works. It's marketing at the end of the day, and good marketing marketing, and but I'm just saying you, as a consumer, when people are telling you they're edgy, you need to be a little that's so weird when I see someone with fake confidence, and I've been I've been known to do it myself. It might be where you come out, you're a little louder, you're in your face. It all comes from insecurity. It's all insecurity. We all fucking are. But I don't like being I don't And maybe I've done it in the past, and that's why I'm so grossed out by it. And I have. I just admitted I walked on stage with a fucking cigarette to do a three minute set in two thousand four or whatever it was. But now doing in a hospital waiting room, Nikki, do it in a do it in front of a baby dying of lung cancer. Why don't you do that, you fucking pussy and I can't even touch that concept. It's like so edgy that my brain is getting canceled right now for even thinking about it. Final thought, um, mark, coolest thing we got to do? Our? What should I just do? It? Based off kind of the same kind of idea, you know, I mean, what were you going to say? Though? I mean my colorst thing is probably like um things I did with money when I had a lot of money, just buying the truck for fifty thou dollars cash with big put big gas wheels on it. Just two months later, traded in for Mercedes, and I took out seven grand in cash from the bank and bought from a used car dealer Jack. I came back and I threw the bag of money in his face and I go, give me the keys to Decedes, and then he gave me the keys. It's pretty cool, It's pretty cool. Did you did you? Honestly? I felt and going to the bank to take out seven grand in cash though, just to trade in a truck, like it's so insane. And then I lost that car. I ended up losing, like I lost all my money and I ended up having to get that repot, you know, like was was was part of it for you though, Like did you want people obviously did you talk about how much money you paid for it in cash? Like it was it was a thing to get girls and guys to like you clearly, Like was it important to you to let people know how much it was? Did you leave the sticker on it? Like did you was already? The funniest part about it is once I drive it off the lot, the windows are tinted. There's a sad, scared little boy driving. I wouldn't even roll them down. I was too like like embarrassed of having like a because I didn't feel like I deserved it because I made all the money on one deal. So I'm driving this fifty dollar car that you four hundred thirty horsepower a mg. Meanwhile, like the windows are tinted to hide. Huh. This fits with you because like you were desperate for approval from like guys and girls back then, but you were also like scared to even have sex. So like you wanted to have girls want to have sex with you, but like you wouldn't even do it. So like it's almost like I felt like that what do you do with your money? That's what you do with your money, like I was like a very small scale of like you know an NBA player who doesn't make it but blows their first big check, but they bought fifty cool things that they just think that that's what I should do with my money. Like, yeah, we've all done those things before, where we like, what's the first time you got a big check? Do you remember what your first big check? Or you got all incremental until you got someone? Um No, I don't remember my first Like I think it was probably I remember telling my dad, like I was living at home with my parents and I got enough get like college gigs on my books that over two months period, I had no money and I was like, Dad, in two months, guess how much money I'm going to make? And I remember it being ten thousand dollars over two months, and you know it was like doing like eighteen college shows or something like that. But it was just to me that felt like I finally am going to be what did you go by when you got that nothing? Oh my god, you're kidding me that that's gonna go away. I gotta save it. I'm not good at that. I don't my first eight grand because and like the money is only especially the first eight grand that I got in real estate. I went to this club called Automatic Slims and Fort Larada with Rusty. I spent all my money. I bought bottles of champagne and I fell through the table with holding the waitress. She fell with me. I saved her by her landing on me. My back went through the glass table eight thousand dollars worth. The champagne broke, and then I woke up to a girl putting on a Hooters outfit, and I didn't help up with her, and then she wouldn't give me a right home. I was at her place, she was putting on a Hooters outfit. I go, hey, can you drive me back to downtown for LARAO. I woke up by forty minutes outside of for LARDA. I go, can you drive me back? She goes, I can't. I gotta getter uh inside internal Um, So I go, well drive me home? She goes, I can't, And then Rusty She's like, well you can't stay at my apartment either. It's like a hundred degrees out. I'm wearing a shirt that says you so crazy with a star date. Oh god, I'm walking in like it's like a hundred and thirty degrees in South Florida. Rusty comes and picks me up and like like eight grand gone, Like I know, I literally had less money than when I started the night, and uh, you know, but god, I kind of missed that guy. That guy is still in you. You still do stuff like that on a smaller scale, like getting into Celsia strengths, like getting a new golf shirt every day for some reason. I don't know how many golf shirts do you own at this point. It's the clubs is the problem. The shirts are the shirts on. Okay, the clubs are the problem. What's you've ever done? Okay? So for me, the thing that came to my mind was um earlier in my radio days and maybe like a little bit later into my radio days. Anytime there would be a celebrity coming to the studio, I would get a photo and then I would run to Facebook and post it just to like show off, like look at what I get to do and that you know, Like now, I just like cringe whenever I look at those posts, and I like, I just know that I did it just to show it off. It was not like any indication of like what my job is or anything like that. Although like now I just feel like I don't have to show off these things. Like if anyone is curious about what I do or what my history it is, they can just ask me and I'll talk about it. And those photos are just for me to bring those memories out, so like I don't know, like that it was for you to let people know that you were like crushing it and like that this were hob nobbing with celebrities, right and like all all all like wrestling and actors, musicians. I was just like I'm gonna show everybody, and you know, I claim about that no offense or what's about that is that you don't know them. They will never They don't remember you. They they's men. And I want to just say, if I take pictures with people at shows and they post them, you have every right to post that because we have an interaction. Even if you come up to me on the street, I will remember you. But like if someone is a radio producer that I'm doing a you know, a bunch of radio shows promote something, and the producer takes a picture and tries to put that on as Tinder, like we're friends and I think that that's like where and I can. And I think it's cool to post pictures with celebrities when you meet them, even if you don't have a good connection, Like sometimes it's like, oh my god, I'm with this person. I think. I don't think that's lame. I think it's lame when you try to make it seem like my life is just like these are my buds, Like I don't know, it's just like their first name. So it's the same post. It's like very quick, so you have to get it right, and it's just oh my god. You know what. I'm going to open tomorrow's show, which we're about to record after this, with a story of what I last night lived, one of what you just told, the story you just told the cursed thing of your life. I last night Andrew. What it would have been the curssed moment of Andrew's life. And he would have done the same thing that you would have done in my shoes last night if he would have been you know, back in this Andrew days of wearing uh hung out. I met one of your heroes for a moment. Tomorrow I read what are your Heroes? But only when I think around the time that you bought that stupid truck, it would have been a hero of that time. And I guess think you can think who it is. You know, you'll see on the next episode of the nick Lays podcast Tompika and Yeah Harlow Twitter