Is football rigged? Is Travis Kelce on another level? And what's the deal with people hanging out in parking lots in Fort Pierce? Nikki and Brian are diving into these burning questions, armed only with speculation. Nikki's craving more sunlight, can her upcoming Australian vacation serve her some rays? Brian's got a cautionary tale about his near-death experience Down Under. Trauma yoga voice has been Nikki's saving grace amidst her recent bout of depression. Nikki talks about an awkward movie outing with her mom, Julie. It raised some questions about "Poor Things" vs adult entertainment. Seriously, is there proper etiquette for using your phone in a theater? Plus, they talk about the best audiences. And in the 'Final Thought', Nikki gets real about grappling with depression.
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The Nicky Glizer podcastser Nikki, Hello here, I am welcome to the show. It's Nicky Glazer Podcast. We are pre recording these episodes. So we were at the super Bowl last weekend. But and it was great.
Oh my god, it was amazing, man, right and experience.
Remember when the ball went in the stands and you caught it.
I caught it with one hand.
Does that ever happen? Does it ever go into.
The I guess if you're sitting in the end zone and they kick it over the field goal net, or sometimes the dopey guys don't lift the fueld goal net quick enough and it's going up and going up, and then the ball goes through and over before keep it. You get to keep it. And then on rare occasions, guy will score a touchdown, he'll throw the ball in the stands and I think they get fined for that. But passion take over.
I love when those I see those clips of like bron or something giving his shoes to a fan. But they always take out the inserts first because those things are like that custom made, an expensive.
I asked Chris, I'm like, that's so nice.
They do that because they don't want him to like smell and he's like, no, it's because they're custom inserts.
There's this commercial, it was a Mahomes commercial. Every commercial these days is Travis Kelcey. Those are the three on which they did win the Super Bowl last year, So that's fair. It's just very convenient that they're in the super Bowl again because all the commercials they made last year apply.
Oh so you're saying it could be an inside job.
Why wouldn't it be.
Why wouldn't the NFL have it in their best interest to get the Chiefs all the way when they have made three hundred and sixty million dollars off of Taylor Swift being at their shows. Why would not they want the Chiefs to then make it all the way? I mean, how would you even fix a game?
Though? I didn't realize that this was a Tucker Carlson episode, because yeah, this is the thing conspiracy, the conspiracy theory.
Well, I don't think it has to do with Biden, although, but I just think it has to do with the Well, I guess the NFL is probably tight end too.
I want to just piggyback on Nikki's question to Brian because from what I heard and this is even like before this whole movement. I have a friend who's skeptical about it, and he told me that wrestling and football are designated as sports entertainment, which is why the outcomes can be I don't want to.
Say, hear that about football. I know that about wrestling, but.
Like WWE wrestling like yeah, yeah, yeah, not like yeah, we all know that.
Is like kind of predetermined and and a theatrical performance. At this point, I feel like we know that, but yeah, that's interesting that football is under that it would be so hard to pull off. That's why I'm like, yeah, that's what I think too, Like how would it even be fixed?
Like fix? But let's just be clear to the besties out there who are listening to this basically in like April of twenty twenty five, that this is we're talking about the Super Bowl that happened like six weeks ago, but it was last week.
I think is the we have not gone to it pretaping.
These episodes because how it happened. I am traveling to Australia right now.
It was a tight game. Also, by the way, the Niners and the Chiefs who played in the Super Bowl last week, did you know that the Niners and the Chiefs played in the Super Bowl three years ago and the Chiefs won. Oh no, So the fact that this is some kind of set up where they had to bring the Chiefs and the forty nine ers together for maximum.
Wasn't it twenty like? Wasn't it like the election year?
It was four Yearsah? Well, the super Bowl is in the February after the season, got it?
Got it? Got it is the twenty twenty season though, got it?
Yeah, so while Trump was president, the forty nine Ers and the Chiefs were in the super Bowl on twenty twenty, the election year. So to say that now they brought the Chiefs and the forty nine ers into the super Bowl again to get Biden elected makes no sense.
Well, I don't even know how those would be connected, and I really don't care to know, because it's just a waste of myanity.
Yeah, I don't want to.
Hear about it. I really I just don't care. But I do think it's just well, I mean, it's all. It could also be, you know how, I don't think that anything is just like well how it was meant to be. It could also be that Taylor Shift is attracted to the most talented person on the most talented team, and therefore that's why she's attracted to him, because she's the most talented person in her field. So why wouldn't they win because she's attracted to someone who's talented, and so yes, the talented person gets far.
It like might not be this, you know, like covert and slam.
Yeah, it's just it's just it all makes sense, Like, yeah, he's good.
I think Travis Kelsey is probably the best tight end to ever have played the game. But to say that he's the most talented person on that field is top five?
Well really on the field?
If on the field, yeah, I think Patrick Mahomes, I think Christian McCaffrey, I think Nick Bosa, I think Fred Warner. I think all these guys are Yeah, I think all these guys are probably equal or better than Travis Kelcey.
But I think Travis Kelcey is the best in commercials, although Andy Reid The Chiefs really funny and that chicken Fingers one, But the one commercial where he's talking about Mahomes is with a foot long sub and then a foot long cookie and he's like, it's the best pairing ever I could ever imagine it's the best duo and Travis Kelcey like he looks over and Kelsey is just looking so sad. That is that face he makes is so funny, it's so good man.
I would he.
Does a good job playing that sidekick Taylor.
I'd be like, hebe you killed that, Yeah, I would be.
I would really, I would be so proud of him because it's really it's really nice when your partner does something as a comedian, really comedically.
Like soup like next level.
So I guess if I wasn't Tailor, if I was me and I was dating him, I'd be like, whoa, you just like did something in my field that is like really impressive to me. Like Chris told me this idea he has for the thing he's working on right now last night, and it was like this really creative, funny idea, and it got me horned up because I was like, that's like you're stuffing into my world and I like it.
And the idea was so good.
Yeah, it was really good.
I got your horny.
Yeah, but he's in LA and I'm here, so it's easy for me to be like I'm horny because I don't have to.
Do anything about it.
I just get points for if you were here, I would have had sex with you.
But I can't. Oh no, uh this is thirty nine, So yeah, I got. I'm wearing a Bestie shirt.
It says I'm in my Besties Air in my Besties era Nikki Glazer podcast, and it has all these stars on it that have each one is Taylor Swift's different album, which there are ten of them, but now we know there's gonna be eleven coming up April nineteenth. I really appreciate it. These two guys made this shirt for me. I forget their names, but they were in Fort Pierce, I believe, and it was really really nice and they got me one and they were both wearing them and they were so sweet or maybe Daytona. It was wherever I was last time. So thank you so much for those and I'm wearing it and it's so cute.
We're Pierce, a beautiful town filled with all sorts of beautiful people. They love drinking canned beer out of trail, out of coolers in parking lots in Fort Pierce.
It was tailgating before your shows.
No, they were just kind of like in the streets.
Yeah, they just like drink in the streets and play music in the street. I don't really remember what forb oh, yes I do. It was kind of like really run down until you get right into where the theater was we were playing, and then it's like really pretty.
There are lots of really abandoned parking lots with large men all circling a cooler, drinking beers and that night what a life.
Yeah, that sounds great to me. I really want that for myself.
I would just go to the lot.
Yeah, like every night you have some place to go. Reminds you of high school.
We would.
Gardens and Noble every single night, and you would just go there and you'd get a chay tea latte, and you would read the books and like flirt with boys and work on your homework and it would just be in this cafe area and it was just a place to go to every night.
And then you'd go outside and watch Doug Rey smoke.
By the bike rack, and you would just like hang out with him while he smoked, even though like you wanted to smoke, but you're too scared to. But you would just flirt and then you would go home and it was just the thing you did every night to hang out, and there's nothing like that anymore unless you drink. So I guess, wait, the drinking is involved with this Fort Pierce hang. I'm guessing, but there's Yeah, people don't drink, there's nowhere to just go and hang with.
I think there's more to that than just the hang. I think it's about a community when I think we all are searching to revisit our high school experience in that there's like a community of people where everybody knows everybody.
Yeah. I was just gonna say, not all of them want that.
No, you just don't realize you want it so bad. That's why you're having a baby, because you want a community of people. You see. You just want to say people again and again. Yeah.
Babies do bring community, right, Yes, yeah, babies do. Like you meet new people through having a baby school, You're going to send them to school, and you're going to meet parents through that. You'll like make friends through a baby. Babies do bring community. It also brings isolation. Let's not forget that.
Well, the main desire is just is to like redo my family and just like have it the way I want it, Yeah, not the way I was forced to have it.
God, if my parents die, I will get pregnant, like over like at my dad's funeral. I don't because I think that's why I don't have kids, is because or want kids, is because I'm just like I have my parents like they're so good enough. I don't need I love them so much. I don't need to. I don't feel that desire to do that. But I keep thinking if they died, I I don't know what I I really I really want advice from people who's lost a parent and parents, because I actually I don't because I don't want to think about it. It's something that's like do you prepare yourself for it so that when it comes you can handle it better? Or or do you just live like it's never gonna happen because it's gonna happen anyway, and you don't want to think about it until it does. Because why dwell on something that you can't help that's still be inevitable, you know?
Or how does kill yourself before they die?
You know what?
Yeah, what you say?
That's how I feel about it. Going to France. I just don't want to think about it until it's over. Wait, are you going to France potentially.
Yeah, oh yeah, oh that's right, I know your joke about that.
Yeah, I love I love that.
That's the way I feel about Australia, which is where I am now as this podcast is being.
Well, look that kangaroo out of your window?
Oh timey kangaroo down Sport.
I'm so nervous.
What is Australia like any like besides the Taylor Swift Show, anything you're looking.
Swift in Melbourne and.
When I go see My Spooks twenty but the playing thirty miles outside of Melbourne the night I land or the I land in the morning, and then I don't know which direction probably is easte?
Are you going around Australia or just to like just staying in Melbourne and then we have a wedding.
In lorn like and then we have and then I'm flying to Sydney to go see Taylor and then we skid at all. But I'm just stressed about preparing for Australia because it's nearly two weeks and I don't know how people the week dude, it's ten days.
I don't even know.
I don't like to re wear jeans and like, I don't like I like things to be like tight when I put them on, and like and I smell.
I think I make things stinky fast.
I can't re wear things like a shirt more than once shirts once, so I need at least forty three shirts because I feel like each day I don't know what if I don't wear one of the tent like I can figure out each day, Like, I definitely know I need to wear.
This shit, say each day with an Australian accent.
Yeah, I don't know what to do. I know that I'll just bring literally three.
Shirts, do laundry one weekend, chop it.
In half or get it done.
Yeah, that's what I'll probably If you're in Melbourny, Yeah, it's like I'm going to some Aboriginal tribe.
You know what.
You can buy stuff too.
Yes, I could. I can buy stuff, but I hate shopping. I only shop online. I do not go to stores. It depresses me so greatly because of the consumerism, the amount of things. Then I have to go in the dressing room. I see a side of my body that will literally make me want to throw myself off of Bill. But then I stop and I go I don't want to throw myself off a building because then an autopsy person will see my naked body and I'm too ashamed. So then I'm in this weird limbaware to keep living in my body that I hate. Because I literally had that thought. I was like, I am so disgusting, I want to die, and then I go, but then they would have to do an autopsy and they would see my fucking, flat, fuck fat ass, and I just couldn't handle it. This is the last time I went shopping. That was in September, and I haven't gone back since. I do not like shopping in stores. If I try something on, it will be over my clothes in in the main area. I'll wear like tight enough clothes that I can put them on over. I will not step foot in a dressing room. I will not have someone assist me like that woman asking about your sister sizes.
I would never ever allow that.
I would just guess buy it like Chris actually did it the other day when we were planning for the Grammys party. He went to the store and came home with four thousand dollars worth of clothes because he didn't feel like trying them on. And I was like, yes, this is my man, because I don't. I don't want to try them on there. It's weird pressures. You are suddenly getting advice from this and you just met who you have no idea if they have good style or not, and it's just.
You're on your own.
The light, the.
Mirror is skinny and it's lying to you. You can't trust fucking anything out there.
And so the.
Idea of like someone even said that to me before you said it. No, I'm like, you can just buy something there, And I'm like thinking of shopping in Australia and I don't know if I just am projecting.
I don't.
I don't think projecting this right word. But I'm I feel like I've been to Australia before and everyone's so put together there. Everything's like clean fabrics, yes, like all the women are like of like like really smooth hair, but it's simple, you know, Like there's not a lot of accessories. They wear like chunky sweatas, and they're always like they always look like right out of a J Crew catalog. Everything fits perfectly, but it's a little slouchy and comfy. There's not like they're they just don't look stained like idea not experience, the same thing you're really were in Australia.
I went to Australia. I went to Melbourne and I went to Tasmania and I climbed a Cradle mountain and I almost died, but I did it. I got to the top and I was wrestled by Oh. I went by myself. I was with my dad. It was a troop with my dad. We went to Australia and he didn't want to climb Cradle Mountain. He's seventy and I went up there by myself. It was a little bit too difficult for me. And the reason I wanted to do it so bad was because I know a guy from Tasmania who said I should do it and it was easy. And then I watched a YouTube video and there was a Australian guy reviewing the climb and in the video the Miley Cyra song Yeah. He was reviewing the climb. He reviewed record.
He said it's easy.
Dad, he said, it's all easy to listen to. I listened to it. I almost died. I climbed. They said in the video they said this mountain is uh is an easy climb if you're Australian, But if you're American, you probably shouldn't try it. WHOA. So I took that personally and I was like, well, I'm gonna go fucking do this mountain challenge. I'm going to take a picture on top, and then's gonna come back to this YouTube video and comment, well, I'm American and I did it. I was American. I did.
What do you mean by that? Like you Australians are just climbing shit all the time.
Yes, they are. They are because I was climbing this mountain and Australian. There wasn't that many people when I was doing it, but Australians were basically like Spider Man lapping me and laughing at me.
I like someone who would really struggle doing Like I can't picture you physically going up a mountain, even though I know you're pretty adventurous, Like you seem like someone who.
I was not like with a it's not like rock climbing, like a harnessing. It's like scrambling and then like it's like it was really steep scrambling.
Scrambling just is it called scrambling because you're just like going side to side.
Scrambling is what I do in my career it's just kind of like you're climbing without using a harness because you don't need to go like sheer cliff straight up. Okay, I can show you. I'll pull up a picture during the brig. I can show a picture of what it looked like. But I almost died, and there was like people from Australia.
Almost just like exhausted, like almost died.
Yeah, both of those things happened. I felt one time I fell and like these are my legs and I fell like a cartoon in between a rock, like oh man. It was so scary because I was standing there trying to climb and then like the bottom leg just kind of slipped off.
And I why do this?
Because someone Internet told you, like did you get up there and like taking the sites and.
Leads for America.
I did an American flag on the top of the I pushed over the Australian sign. I planted an American flag and I claimed the mountain. Well, actually I went up there and there's two guys from China up there. Okay, so they get they got there first, and I took my picture and I said thank you, and then they left and I then I was alone on the top of the mountain, contemplating going back down.
Yeah, did did you feel a huge sense of accomplishment? Would you do it again?
Like?
Was it?
No? No, no, it's never worth it. Doing anything is not worthhip.
I think, are you being serious? Like it really wasn't worth it?
Not?
Why did you? Why do you continue to do these things? Like still like to do something.
There's a certain level of scrambling that I enjoy. That's not death defying that. I'm like, that was fun r I love that. This was like I risked my life on my own in Tasmania for no fucking reason other than to just comment on a YouTube video. The view was nice. He was right, well, he was so. On the way back down, there are these people who I was going back down, and going back down is always harder than going back up. You have to remember that going back down is harder.
Why because you are like loosed up and you don't.
It's easier to climb up because you're just pushing yourself up and to figure out ways to go down. A lot of times when you're going down, you can't even see where you can put your foot right. It's like down below you you're.
Using your like your arm strength and your leg sturreen when you go down and you're just kind of like balancing everything on your use and your thighs.
You know, what this appeals to me is doing it alone, because I think that's part of hiking and like doing out for stuff that I can't get behind because I'm fast, Yeah, and I want to get through it to say, I was like, that's the only reason I would want to do these things is to like accomplishment. Accomplish it and then go home and be like, Okay, now I can really like sleep and lay on the couch a lot because I just did this thing, and I feel like people are slow and I would just want to go fast.
I think you would like to. I think you would like some solo too.
Okay, But then but what about the rate thing and murder and that batistics.
Yeah, if you're going fast, you're much less likely to get raped, you know, I.
Mean more sunlight like Andrew Huberman, like every clip I see of him as talking about sunlight exposure, and you're supposed to get up in the morning like with the sunrise and like look at it. But then I have no idea how to do this without aging my face. Because there's also that like every every other clip is like you need sunlight exposure, and then it's like SPF is important, don't get wrinkles. It's like you're getting mixed messages. How are you supposed to get sunlight exposure? Will bestie please write me about sunlight exposure? And I hear that he says sunlight lamps in your house are not the same. So I don't know what to do. But I think I mean, you can't and you can't wear sunk Well, then you're supposed to stare at the sun.
No, we just go outside with just a natural light and have your eyes absorb it and like, but.
You're supposed he says, you're supposed to like bask in it, which means like face.
It and look at it.
You'd also like vitamin D supplements.
I do take vitamin DE supplements. But I hear that's not enough. I need I need to know do you do this now? What do you go sunbathe? Do you like sit out in the sun? I don't do it now because of malasma?
Okay, because my.
Hormones are h That's Trump's wife.
I hang out with her all the time.
What your hormones make malasma worse. Well, yeah, during pregnancy, So I mean I don't I should. Let's just say I should go outside more, even for ten minutes in the morning where the sun is not as strong as in the afternoon.
Yeah, I need more of it.
If any besti's have any kind of advice on how to do this properly or a YouTube video, because I've looked into it and it's it's everyone's telling you different things.
I need some concrete. Here's what you do, Nikki.
This is the simplest way to do it without aging your face.
I don't. Chris told me that I could just do my back and.
Just have a hideous back, and I was laughing so hard because he said I could have a hideous back, because that is thank you for acknowledge saying that the sun will make whatever you have the sun on hideous.
Okay, we gotta go to break. I'll be right back for this.
Yeah. I need more sunlight exposure, I guess. And I've just been I've been feeling pretty down recently, and so I've been obsessively watching these YouTube videos of this girl that I've already talked about. Her name is Hannah Yuri or something, and she does trauma informed yoga or trauma yeah something, trauma informed you.
I don't even know what it is.
Someone a bestie or someone wrote to me recently being like, I'm so depressed. I don't know what to do anymore, Like I can't handle this, And I was like, all I know that makes me feel better is watching this girl speak gently to me. And you don't even do the yoga she's describing. You just listen to it, and it feels so calming and so soothing. I literally listened to like five hours of this girl a week, and she has one that's like for the hips, and she talks like this, and everything is her teets, like she'll write, she'll say like it the like guitar uh light ting, like everything that she says is enunciated so perfectly. I'm obsessed with her voice. I can't recommend it enough. I am so obsessed with it. It's it's truly my life recently. Did you just watching this I watch the video? Or do you do the yoga along with her?
No?
I just put it next to my head and I put on my sleep mask and I listen. I do not do any of it but you could do it and it would be amazing. And the comments underneath the ones, so it's called trauma in formed yoga hips releasing stored trauma, and all the comments are like, I cried so much, I release so much stress.
I have released so much stress.
Like people are like giving her donations because they can't they can't believe how much this released so much stuff for them. I don't cry when I listen to these because I'm not doing the exercises. But her voice is just so fucking soothing. It's Hannah h A n n a h y I are I you are I you? I are I euri eerie trauma informed yoga teacher. It's so gentle and soothing. I can't even It's so nurturing. I don't know what I would do without it right now, Like I am like obsessed with it because I'm just like, man, that's life has been hard.
The more that I hear about stuff like that, if it was ten fifteen years ago, I'd be like, that's such bullshit, that trauma bullshit yoga bullshit. I would hate that. But the more I live, the more I realize that stuff like that works, and uh, especially if it works for you. It's like a it's great. Yeah, I actually believe that it works.
Yeah, because well no, no, Brian, because you know all about how like stress stories in the body score, body keeps the score, and like all of your pain is pretty much just like your brain's anguish redirecting things that it can't handle from your childhood or from whatever. It doesn't have to be that traumatic, but it's just like rerouting it to.
Weak parts of your body. Then it like beats the fuck out of those nerves.
But it's like your brain doing it, and it's all, yeah, it's all connected. When did you realize that and was it? Did it take you a while to like believe it?
Well, it's just you know, all the things that I've gone through in terms of like a chronic pain, the things that actually cured it were generally mental, and it takes you a while to get to that point where you accept that as your fate. And I know people who have not accepted that as their fate, and they resist and they just struggle and suffer when the answers are right before them.
Well, I have to say that one of our friends who was experiencing horrible back pain, remember, oh, I remembered, Yeah, well he got surgery and now it's no, it's fine. Yeah, six months, Yeah, I know it'll come back because it again is mental because.
He's believe but he's not great. Uh So you get the surgery and then you're right. The placebo happens and you feel like, oh my god, that did fix it. And then eight months later another stressful One.
Months later, you start working on f Boy Island three and you get stressed out again because.
I told under no circumstances, why would he listen to you? I don't know, because I was so adamant.
I know it was constriction. He was out of options. It no, although he didn't know. I know he wasn't. I sent him the.
Book Healing Back Pain, but he would have read it because people just don't want to believe it's in their head.
They want to believe.
Staring don't cheering every head because I mean, I can't believe. My whole family, my mom, my dad, my sister, my brother in law, none of them have ever been to therapy ever. It is so fucking wild me. The other night, I was like, you guys have never.
Gone, Like, how how do you think? You are just fine? Like how how why do you go to the doctor? Then? Why do you work out? Why do you do it? Why do you read books to learn more?
Like do you think that you have all the information about yourself it figured out, and that you alone can solve.
It all for yourself? Like I just don't.
And people go, I don't have the money I've offered to pay for them to go. There's just no interest. Why because they're scared that it might mean they're they're what what is the fear?
I truly might not understand it. They just don't believe in it.
To not believe, I don't understand a.
Person that goes to therapy and she's very well adjusted and wonderful, But everybody else like they just don't understand it.
What am I going to talk to somebody for forty minutes and pay them two hundred dollars?
They their opinions, Like they think a therapist just gives opinions.
That's the that's the.
Kind of therapyst or people. Some people believe that if you go to a therapist, then you're crazy. It's for crazy people. Yes you're not. I'm not crazy. I'm Where are.
All the people that believe that gonna die, Like I know that's like a leftover thing.
From Wait, you said you don't want them to die. You said you don't know what you're gonna do.
No, Okay, that's a baby.
I want all of them to die, except my parents. But not my parents, sorry, not yours, either.
Anyone that we know or that anyone that we.
Know or besties, anyone that you guys love. But if you don't love them, I hope they die.
Oh that would be so good. I'm on board. That'd be so great.
If everyone else I hope someone dies because it doesn't and people go, that's so mean. It's like, well, it's gonna happen eventually. Yeah, it's always.
Going to happen. I had man.
I know I talked about this in my special that's not released yet, but I truly forget.
I'm gonna die sometimes.
Sorry I'm not. I don't mean to trigger you, Brian, I know you don't like to talk about this. Let's change the subject.
My least favorite thing I know to do it and like it.
I'm not going to remember this morning. I have to die. And I really was like, ah, fuck.
Like yeah, feel like that, just that feeling of like oh, my God, like I'm not gonna I don't.
Get to opt out.
Of this, Like I feel like most decisions, in getting married or having kids, like these big life moments, you get a choice of whether you can do them or not. As a woman in the modern world, like that, those used to be as imminent as death, Like you're gonna have a baby because if you don't want to, we'll just rape you and make you keep it, Like there's there was no choices. I just saw Poor Things last night, so I'm filled with like what women were supposed to be and what we what were made to be, and how suppressed we used to be. But and I can't stop seeing images of Emma Stone's bush, which I saw upwards of thirty two times in that film just a time out for a second, Poor Things. Yeah, Emma Stone was amazing, no question about it.
Amazing performances.
Uh, Mark Ruffalo so so funny love Robby was so good in his like Break for Me.
I've seen you know, obviously he had the show, his show Rommy, but.
His oh was.
He Yeuh? He was so good in it as well. All the performance is great. Did I care for it? My mom and I almost walked out a couple of times, and it got to the point where I was like, is it gonna be? I go, mom, should we should walk out? Because this is funnier if we walk out than if we finish it. Like I don't, I literally don't care about how this ends. I'm not invested in this. I got a little invested about ten minutes. There was ten minutes left. It's it's two hours and twenty one minutes long.
Too long?
Too long?
Why do they do that? Anyone killer?
Only thirty views of the bush?
Dude, there is no tell me the difference poor things. Please someone who's seen poor things. I want you exactly tell me the difference between what we saw Emma Stone do and what porn porn pornography pornographic actresses do.
Tell me, tell me the difference.
I'll tell the difference. How much they're getting paid exactly.
Okay, and one is scripted and the other is also if they're.
Both acting, yeah, they're both.
And you could say, yeah, you could say they don't have the stuff that Emma Stone is doing is art. But why and because no one's gonna jerk off to it? I I beg yes they will, Yes, they will there's so many sex scenes in this there's so many dicks, there's so many. You see her bush, you see her tits, you see her ask, you see everything. You see her getting railed in every different way.
Stone movies when she's not naked.
Yeah, I just know this is no shade because, as you know, I love porn actresses, and I feel like they should be able to float seamlessly between Hollywood and Bollywood and pornography.
I want them to do it all.
Yeah, but I don't understand why this is different, because why it's art.
But I'm watching Euphoria, which is an incredible show. I can't believe I'm so late to the game. I just finished the first season of Euphoria. I had watched a few episodes. Oh my god, the writing so good. But there is a lot of naked uh who they're playing teenagers. They're not teenagers in real life, but they're playing teenagers. And there's a lot of nudity in Euphoria. I think it's a thing these days. You gotta if you know, people don't. The actresses of today don't seem to care as much about just being full nude in a show or movie. That's just what I'm viewing from euphoria and from what you're describing core things, because I remember like in the nineties. In the nineties, if an actress show ripped her tits out, it was like on the Entertainment Tonight.
And it would be it would kind of like define her career for so long, like that's all people would kind of talk about. I mean, Sharon Stone in whatever that one is where she uncrosses her legs, do you see pussy or is it just implied like I don't in that one you see lips? Because I don't think you do. Yet everyone assumes that that she just showed.
Full push yeah, implication of puss. That got the country all horned up.
I'm feeling bad for saying blowjob on stage in front of kids, and I'm being treated like I can't believe you did that. Yet Emma Stone is having sex in every different position completely nude, which no no judgment from me, Like it's fine. I just don't understand the different Why.
We shame then probably? Yeah?
Whereas like I, people act like I can't be around their kids because of the content of which I speak on stage in a safe space where only adults are there but Emma Stone gets to be on like have you know cover girl commercials like she is. She gets to be on any commercial she wants. She can be on any network she can do.
She can. I can't. They won't let me on CBS anymore, ABC.
These are family networks, and it's not like they won't let me on, but it's it's harder for me to get on those places because of the content of what I do. Yet she gets to do this film and still work. I just don't. Not that I don't want her to work. I just want I you know, the porn star that I were a Carter Cruz who I worked with on the Burt Chreisler tour, she wasn't allowed to do their Daytona or their dayton Ohio date because the venue owner found out that she was a porn star and she was.
She wasn't doing porn in the show, She was just being a DJ.
So why are some people forbidden from having sex on screen and it makes them a uh you know, they have to wear a scarlet letter and a pariah, but then others are like upheld for it.
I just don't.
I just don't get it. I was watching this and my mom and I were just like, enough, we get it. She's a prostitute and she has to have sex with a bunch of different guys. It just it doesn't feel like we needed to see it. It felt gratuitous. But because it's like this film that's shot with a fish eyelands and has all these wacky colors and William Willem Dafoe is in it, it's suddenly art, Like I just don't get it.
What's Dafoe is in it? It's art Spider Man, Green Goblin.
But then porn.
If you watch porn, you're like a horrible person and you have to hide it from everyone that you saw it.
But like, you know four things, you're like.
A you're I was driving through Texas philistine. I don't know what that word means, but yes, uh.
And it was one of the worst roads I've ever driven down. It was in south western Texas. It was close to the border. I drove through a town that looked like it was like designed to look like a shitty town. And in this town there was a drive a drive in movie theater. You know, like everyone knows what that is. I drive you with that showed porn? Oh wow? It showed porn and the screen was the back of the screen was facing the roads. You couldn't like see the screen, but it was showing porn. That's how crazy. Yes, it was showing porn. It was because it said what movies are showing and it showed ads and it said XXX drive in movie theater. We took pictures of it. This is two years ago.
I don't mind that, but it's I mean, there's theaters you could go to and jerk off in weren't Why not have an outdoor one, right? Yeah, and you're in your own car.
I can't actually disturb anyone.
This for a second, speaking of like disturbing people around you. So during the movie, I am texting Anya about how I don't really I'm not really sold on it, and I think it's like trying too hard to be kind of c and artsy, but also I'm maybe missing the points, much like I did it with May December.
I was totally off about that one, like so poor things. It's not bad, but is it is?
It's what I recommend someone see it, sure, yeah, because I just want to talk to someone about it. I think there were good things about it. I give it a b plus, but I'm not. It wasn't anywhere close to being something of like my favorite movie but the.
And Will and Dafoe in that movie. Once you see it, Busties.
That's how I look in the mirror to myself.
I said it to my mom. He appeared on screaming, that's what I think I look like. And she laughed so.
Hard because it's like it's just he's like fording it signed together, and I really do, and I feel like I do have like a structured face, but I feel like that grotesque most days when I wake up. And it was just a very clear indication of exactly how I feel I look.
But okay, so I'm texting Anya.
I'll just read to you what I texted because I want you to get the full idea of what happened here, and I.
Want to get your opinion on it. Okay.
So okay, Oh we got into it about God. We got okay. So I said, have you seen poor things? She said not yet, but want too? I said, I hate it.
Okay. This is what time was this? Eight oh six?
So this was only twenty minutes in Okay, that wasn't fair to say I need minutes.
This is twenty minutes.
This is maybe fifteen minutes in because it started its no actually, sorry, this was an hour in. This was an hour and five minutes in. Okay, I'm mistake. This movie started six forty five. That was at eight oh six. And you know you got to count for previous. She said, ha ha really. Maria said, it's trying to be too weird. I said, it's just trying to be so cool. She said, should I skip?
It?
Is Emma any good? I said, I want to hear what you think. She's really good, but it's just annoying. My mom hates it too.
We want to walk out, and she goes, lool, you're in a theater, Nikki exclamation mark, ha ha ha ha ha. And I said, and I know what that's about, because Anya does not like when people have their phones out in theaters.
Which who does. That's a very obnoxious thing to do.
But can I just say, I said, yeah, my phone is nearly dark, okay. I turned down the brightness all the way down. It's I said, it's literally disturbing no one. The man coughing behind me is way worse. There's this man going wow every two minutes. He would like clear his throat with this really guttural cough that you could tell he was struggling and holding it in most of the time. He wanted to do it way more often than he was, so when it did happen, it would just sound like Mount Vesuvius. It was horrible. I said, I'm gonna row by myself, just with my mom. No one can see me. My mom doesn't care about all. My mom was literally sleeping. She fell asleep during it, and I said, that's a dumb rule, and then she just thumbs down. The man coughing behind me is way worse. Do you think it is? It is out of line for me to turn on my phone all the way. There's no one in my row. I'm keeping it very low, so literally, and there's no one in front of me either. There's only people behind me, but they cannot see my phone because it is so low and I'm holding it down by my waist looking into it. No one can I don't think any there's no way anyone can see.
If you know me, I'm not someone who.
Does anything to be obnoxious around other people, aside from talking openly about blowjobs on stage in front of kids, which I was horrified by when I realized I was doing it.
I really don't like.
To be like, look at me talking loudly, brightness on my phone, Like I'm so aware of how other people are are around me. Do you think it's out of line? And why do we have to treat the movies so delicately? It's the movies you can't like, why is it okay to open your phone on a plane that is totally dark in the middle of the night.
Why is that not like shunned upon? But in the movies. This is the cinema.
People of this, you know, like, why is it so protected at the movies?
What do you think?
Well, because you go there for an experience. I think one of the reasons why you go to a movie is so completely enrapped in the movie. You have a giant screen, you have surround sound, it's dark. I'm also experiencing with other people, and unlike when you're at home, you generally can't just get up and walk around and then come back to watch the movie.
Oh, I was dying to do that.
I wanted to press stop on it to see how much longer it had in it so many times, so many.
Times I think if you want to do that. If you want to text or talk or cough like Mount Vesuvius during a film, you should just watch it at home because these days you can pretty much, and going to the movie should be a special experience where you're like, you wouldn't do that, say, at a live performance of something. I think it's a similar experience.
You I would if no one, then I'm only disturbing myself.
Literally, no one, but you don't do it. If I was at a full row, yes I did know, because I.
Might be people behind you who were like, I can see that light and it's bothering.
No way they could, because I was holding it down by my waist. I know what physics are, and I know like the angle at which people can see things.
There's no way they could the calculations.
No, but like I can kind of surmise. There was no one in my room, so if there was someone next to me, I absolutely wouldn't have done it, or I would have put it inside my purse and like created a little referee.
I think we should do Mythbus Tunnel. There should be a MythBusters episode about this, where we got Nikki in a theater with some phone.
My phone, even at full brightness where you could see it is not as annoying as people opening their bags of skinny pop popcorn, because this pop this place does not pop their own popcorn. They just sell you bags of skinny pop. And people are opening those and I know, and shoving in their mouths and chewing loudly and like that's annoying too.
Yeah, no, it's all annoying. So I just I was watching a movie.
Once I offended that she thought I was like someone who would like purposely or just like I don't care about other people's experience. It was literally bothering no one.
There's no way everyone's existence is bothersome, and there's all sorts of things. Doesn't have to be noise or light. It could be smell, like sometimes someone whips out a disgusting hot dog and it's like, I know that they sell those there, but it stinks like pig shit now in this whole theater. Yes, I don't want to smell your.
Stench, but I just don't know why these have to be such sacred spaces. I'm not I would never really truly do something disgusting and annoying if I had a chronic cough, I would not be going to the cinema, you know, like I'm not someone who would whoever wants anyone to be like that girl over there is so like I just I keep it, I keep it tight. You know.
There was a lot of time I went to a nikki that was that they did not treat it like a sacred space, and it was one of the best movie experiences I've ever had. I went to go see The Raid Redemption, which is one of the best like kung fu salot movies from Indonesia of all time. And I went to go see it at a theater that was in a predominantly black neighborhood. Yeah, and I mean this, there was five standing ovations during this movie.
My best experience too at King's Plaza.
Everyone was yelling at the scrap that's great, Okay.
So I went with my brother's ex girlfriend and she's she was like just like unapologetically loud and obnoxious as is. And we went to King's Plaza and it was like a predominantly black audience and we saw I think it was The Conjuring. It was a movie about like a like haunting and every time something would happen with a ghost. The whole theater would scream, and then there was fun. There was one part where it was like a very suspenseful scene and my brother's ex blew her nose and it sounded like a giant fart and the whole theater just like irrupted.
It was so fun. That's so fun.
Yeah, my dad and I still talk about when we want to see me myself and Irene. I mean, what year was at two thousand and three and it was at a in a predominantly black neighborhood, and.
That makes us Is that weird that we're like, really, is that like white tourism? Like we I think it's.
Very commonly known that black people in movie.
Fed it into the black neighborhood to see the movie amongst I didn't.
I didn't say it ventured.
It's not like I was, like you implied ventured.
Yeah, I almost died much like you on that mountain. No, it was just I lived there.
Yeah, I think, yeah, we just I was we were on a mission trip and no, it was just like where it was playing.
Yes, I don't want to sound racist, but I do believe that black audiences in comedy are far superior to white audiences and if I would love, I.
Wouldn't know there's like two black people per show for me.
Oh my god, I mean I've been on well I well, you just gotta watch watch Like I was watching Chris Rock's Bigger and Blacker. I was we watching that. That was nineteen ninety nine, that was at the Apollo. And he even says the beginning of the show white people up top tonight, which is hilarious, and that audience is just like having so much fucking fun. Yes, I mean that specials maybe top five of all time. I mean he just which one was it Bigger and Blacker? Chris Bigger and Black where he does gun control? We need bullet control that one? Yes, yeah, And I'm just like, man, what I mean, how nice must it be to be able to perform at the Apollo, to do your special at the Apollo and from an audience that's just that reactive to everything you're doing, whereas I don't think a white audience. Maybe I don't know, is Burt Kurscher's show like that? Are they as wild and partying like what? B Kreisher? What's the equivalent? What's the equivalent white crowd having that good at the time.
We have to get wasted.
Yeah, unfortunately our phone.
Yeah what'd you say?
I said, Otherwise we're on our phone distracted and kind of just like coughing.
There's a lot of coughing and white audiences.
And just be holding in your pee because you don't want to be called out. So it's just like people just anxiously thinking about how they have to pee so badly, politely laughing if you look at them, Yeah, it's it's it is, it's we're so we're so uptight.
Yeah, I think that's what I get from it.
But also the laughs that, like my mom and I were laughing. Let me just say the right places in this show, in this movie, because some stuff was really funny, but like it just made me realize how easy it is to make people laugh. Like I think I talked about this before when I went to go see a certain comedy movie and I was just disgusted with my fellow man at how they laughed at every dumb thing. And I was like, oh, this is why sitcoms are as cheesy as they are, because it's so easy to make people woa.
Whoa whoa.
She just said, oh.
Like the classic like he's right behind me, is an.
I like, whoa, We've never seen that before, Like just these these jokes you've seen a million times, and people were it was nice to see people laughing that freely, like, oh, they they're not as cynical, because I guess I am.
But there was really.
Funny stuff in it, but no one was laughing at the parts of my mom and I were laughing at and I'm not trying to say we're smarter, but I think we were, and all the other parts. I was just like, man, I gotta I gotta like change the way I do comedy. It's it's easier than I think.
Mmmm, yeah, you know.
Okay, okay, we're back. Final thought.
I'm going to Australia. I think it's a fourteen hour flight.
Oh yeah, Melby, are you going? Where are you going to Hawaii first? Or is it full? No?
That would be nice drop me off there. No, I'm going. I think it's just straight.
There, damn from Saint Louis.
Dude, I bought it with Miles. Yeah, I probably can. If I can, I really might do that. Chris will just be watching movies the entire time.
He would get up and walk around at least once during a flight that long.
Yeah, I will be because I have to pee.
You know, you could open the window and get direct sunlight, like the sun will be right there.
Apparently the sun rays up there really intense and you're not supposed to do that at all because it's like can't are causing for sure, because there's no like protection of the something.
I don't know. They were just saying that, like in the air, you.
Should keep that window down, but you're right, I should get a little sun that would be good. Yeah, I don't know what I'm going I mean, I love a long flight. The longer the better.
I know.
On these long bites, like when we went over to Europe, I would be like sad because it was only seven hours and I was like, I just want one more hour where no one can get me and there's nothing expected. I am a little nervous about like not being plugged into the like not working and not feeling like I'm doing something every day that I'm.
Right the whole.
Ten days you have the whole two weeks, like being over there and not having doing I guess I could do some sets or something, but then but then that turns into like everyone's got to come see you, like all of our friends.
And I just don't want that. I would just want to perform for strangers.
You know, you're gonna come back from Australia and like Taylor Tomlinson's gonna have another special out and she will is going to have another show on Netflix and it's just going to be what the.
Yeah, I literally like made a boomerang of me, just I should do a boomerang.
With me with a boomerang, Oh yeah, you know, like have the video.
I wonder if that's been done ever. I don't think it's ever been done nopecially in Australia.
Worried about other people accomplishing things because that keeps happening and I'm not getting anything. I like, I've been in a constant state of depression for I think like three years, no like three months now where it's just like I can't get out of it, and so I just I can't get things done at all. I like, I was supposed to pick a tour name and pictures of myself from my tour, Like I had a photo shoot on December twentieth, and I was supposed to go through those photos by the new year and send all the new photos to the promoter's promotion team, have them make a new posters. Let's rebrand my tour because I've had it called the Good Girl Tour for like almost two years now, and I'm really I'm going back to the same markets and they're gonna be like, this is the same tour and I'm like, no, it's not. So I just decided today I'm naming it Nikki Glazer Live. I don't want a name for the tour because I looked up tour names and I realized that everyone has like a co name for a tour, which is fine if you like really feel like that's what your tour is about. I'm always switching up my act and so I don't feel like there's any one thing I can call it. And then I saw Bill Burr called his tour bill Burr Live, and I'm just like, thank you, Like I don't need it to be anything else. That just tells you what it is. You see a poster, You're like, that's her live, that's here. So I'm just doing Nicki Glazer Live. Because I was struggling the past three days trying to come up with a name. And I'm just feeling so disconnected from all of them. I went through even the Depression's Era Tour, even though that fits so what my life is right now, I don't think that's a really good selling point. And I think she could get litigious and like sue me for it, And I think the Era's Tour is gonna change, Like I think making something based off of the Aras Tour. Oh sorry, I maybe didn't even mention that I was going to do it, call it the Depression Eras Tour and like have all the same imaging, but just obviously with me, and I thought it was a really good idea. Bestie suggested I think on an Instagram live once, and I decided to gainst that because if you don't know the Era's Tour, which is probably like twenty percent of America thirty percent, you'll like what is this?
Yeah, especially if they're potentially going to go to one of your shows.
Yeah.
But I just also like you are, like, do you want to hear a girl talk about depression?
Like it just seems like.
It's just not good marketing, right, Yeah, I mean all the all of it would be funny, The posters and stuff would be really funny. But if it's just on a marquee and you're like, what the fuck is that, or you just see it listed on something, it just doesn't say what it is.
So I'm just NICKI. You guys arelive.
I reviewed all these photos that I took in December yesterday.
I don't take many of those like a depression tour era.
Oh yeah, you saw them too. I may have know go through them first. Oh boy, I could have helped you by the way.
I mean, I picked the ones that I wanted for the podcast, but I could have picked more fat them.
And everyone was like, yeah, have have people look at them. I had my assistant Jen look at them. I had you look at them. But even if Jen sent me her faves, you sent me your faves. I even if I saw those, I'd be like, there could have been better ones in there that they missed.
Like I can't.
I can't just relinquish trust when it comes to like my face and my material to anyone else. Like if someone were to be like Nikki, let this person edit you're special for you, I still would be like, m there might be things that I really like about, Like I've never once had someone like people always like pictures of me that I'm like, I've never seen a more disgusting photo of myself, you know, Like I think we all can relate to that where someone's like, this is so you and you go like, no, I look disgusting, and you just can't even believe anyone would think you look good in that, and you go, that's what I look like now. So there was really just no way for me to have anyone do it but myself, and so I had to look through all of them, and it is so hard to model. Can I just say that it is? Models do have a very some of it. Some it just comes naturally to them, but like, you have to have everything from your shoulders to your fingertips doing a thing that looks smooth and delicate, and it is truly impossible. I really want every woman in my life who is not an entertainment to have to do this so that they can relate to my struggle, because it's so not what I am cut out to do, yet I still have to do it, and it.
Is so hard.
I would say one out of every one hundred photos was even even usable, because sometimes my face would be okay, but then my hand would be doing some weird claw thing when my shoulder would be bent forward or like I it.
Just there was it was.
It was a nightmare to look at them and gratefully I have enough space because it was December twentieth, so now it's a month and a half later and I'm like, oh, I've totally changed since then.
And but it was people are.
Kids are just growing up having to pose constantly for photos, and I feel like, yeah, they're just like learning the poses when it's like when they're seven, and it's going to be ingrained into their skill set forever.
I think I want to take a class.
If there was like a class about how to pose in pictures and be a model, I would take it because it's it's something I have to do frequently enough. And although I have like my main poses, Like the picture I put picked, it's the same picture that I took for the Good Girl Tour. It's the same one, it's the same post, it's the same kind of look. There's I don't have a multitude of looks to choose from. It's I wish I was like an artist who doesn't show their face, like not see it. I'm not talented enough to be sea, But like, I just wish that I didn't have to like show my face all the time. But that's part of it, you know, like that you have to do these things and it's just so hard to do, and it's it's not getting better, you know, like I'm only going to age more. Annie was talking last night about seeing some show that Hugh Grant and Nicole Kidman is in, and she said literally that Hugh Grant's face is just too giant crow's feet all the way down and it's somehow very sexy and distinguished. And Nicole Kidman has is so tight there's no movement on her face and and everyone can say, well, we didn't ask her to do that.
I don't think she would have this role if she didn't do those things.
If she looks like to collect rainwater after a storm, what do you mean? What would it like? A stretch? That's how you Okay, that's how you collect rainwater. Stretch Obviously this is they stretch out like a piece of paper or tarp or something, and then the rainwater collects and then goes down into a little bucket.
Yes, but Adnian and I were like, how did Annius, Like I want to find out like how it got way, Like why is it this way that men get to be this way and women get to be this way? And I'm just like, it's it's both men and women contributing to this, Like we won't stand up. There's only like three of us and myself not included, that are like, I'm not gonna wear makeup anymore, I'm not going to dress like this.
I'm not I'm gonna wear what I want.
But the rest of us are still no one strong enough to stop it. We can't get out of it. And she's like, maybe the next generation. I go, no, We're fucked, Yeah, the next generation.
Every picture, every time they're seen in the public light is usually on the internet where there's filters, and then they go out into the real world they have to look like not even themselves on camera. They look like a much worse version of what people are seeing on the internet because there's filters.
Yes, yes, the filters are killing me.
Yeah.
And there were some shots that I was like, oh, I want to take out my eyebags, but I'm really against like doing any of that stuff because not because I want to send an exam for little girls and be like this is what a real element looks like. I just don't like to lie to myself, and I don't want because then people will be like, Nick, you're so beautiful, and I won't believe them because I know what I did to that picture, so it won't it won't matter, and it doesn't matter when people say I look beautiful.
I like I looked.
Everyone's like, you look so amazing at the Grammys, and I'm just like, as I always say, I don't.
It's not real, like, of course I do.
There was five hours I had to pay literally six thousand dollars to look that good for hair, makeup and styling, spray tan. It was approximately probably fifty two hundred dollars there. That's anyone should look good with that, And people go, no, it's not everyone good.
It's like, yes they could, because it's all.
There was hair extensions, there was Alec's extensions, there was makeup, there was spray tan.
Like it's it's it's just all. It's so exhausting to.
Do it all, but you I don't know what to do, and it's always gonna get it's only gonna get worse. That's my fear is that it just doesn't I want to just do a massive dose of mushrooms or something to make my brain not care. Like, the only way this point is to get a like a lobotomy. I just like, I can't because my face, my outside is never going to start getting younger and hotter.
It's just not gonna happen. What do I do?
Because I watched this documentary about this guy named Boogie eight eight nine or something. He was like a YouTuber that did a bunch of like do you know about this guy, Brian?
He's like a game or YouTuber.
He was he made he was one of the first YouTubers. But okay, he made a He was making a bunch of money through YouTube, his channel where he would do live streaming and whatever, I don't know, maybe twitching or whatever.
And and then he.
Just started getting depressed, gaining a lot of weight, spending too much money than he had, and it's like.
It's what was that? That's it?
I think it's just managing your depression and working through that. That's the only way that you'll be able to continue working in the industry and not care so much about.
Yeah, well I guess not to care.
You will care about your appearance because you present yourself well, and even at your shows, you've talked about like dressing up on stage so that people come and they come for like the show, and it's.
Yeah, that's stuck with me too, that's why we're Yeah.
So I think just like it's it's the depression that is getting in your way because it's not the way you look in photos.
I have a completely different opinion.
It's tough because Nicky's career has so far up to this point, a lot of it has been based on looks like you're you're you're a good looking comedian. You always dress up you like this is a big part of your presentation. Yes, and so in order to get off of that, you'd have to like make a legitimate like pivot, like now I'm I won't ridden a black woman, you know.
Yeah, yes, sun burnt back lady. I won't get off it.
I mean I have to eventually, because we all age to a point of being pretty grotesque. But I I think that I just need to do massive like it does start with my brain, Like I know that it's like it's I have a disease in my brain which gets no respect, like in terms of like people with cancer people with any kind of terminal physical illness, so much respect, so much pity, so much Oh my god, are you okay?
How could? There's nothing we can do?
But you know, even though we can't do anything, like we're here to help you here, like everyone fucking gets it with cancer, But with depression, it seems like it's just your choice. You're choosing not to find someone to to. You're not you're choosing not to find the right treatment or whatever. It's just like but but it's you can't find a repayment because the thing like you're trying to fix a broken leg and they're telling you to go run somewhere to get the treatment, so like you can. If you have depression, you it's hard to make doctor's appointments.
It's hard.
I just got my fucking meds filled today. I'm supposed to be on sixty milligrams of something. Guess what, it's ten milligrams. I started crying because I'm just like I it took me so much fucking effort to get this med and now it's worthless because he gave me ten instead of sixty. So I wrote an email to him being like, I don't know how I could have been clearer. I'm trying to be heard and understood by you. We knew it, we needed sixty. I said, I wanted sixty.
How did you? How did you give me ten?
How are you making this more complicated for me when you're supposed to help me? What is the fucking point? It was so frustrating, but say that. Yeah I didn't say fucking but I just said okay. I wrote an email, so they haven't gotten back to me. But I'm just like this, it's really hard for me to trust you from now on. When I repeated four times, I think the sixty is best for me because I have a hard time filling it.
Let's be honest.
I take probably twenty to thirty a day of this medicine when I need it, But I empty out the sixties and I put them in water to be salt.
It doesn't even matter.
So I need the sixties to get me through because I can't fill these medications every fucking month because the Walgreens I go to because this medical substance it's control so nice. Yeah yeah, and it I can't get like I don't. I don't abuse it. I barely even take it, like thirty days of sixty will get me through like literally six months, but now I have to like, now go to this ten.
It's just was so frustrating.
Don't worry about it, I don't like to say, because then people start commenting about like you should be on this and I want to be on that, and they just like they start having opinions and I just don't need it.
So but it's just it's just so I just it makes you just want to give up, try to get help and listening.
Yeah, And you just can't have big expectations about managing depression. You just do one thing at a time and you just try, try, try. You know that you like watching the crime documentaries and the end of.
The World stuff.
But if you slowly eliminate things like that that create fear and anxiety in your head and just replace them.
Feels good to me.
Like it's just negativity, yes, yes, but I meant going shopping would make me more depressed than watching a whard or a documentary about like a rape murder crime like that. I avoid stuff all the time that causes me depression, in terms of like not looking in mirrors, not looking at a photo shoot. Until a month and a half later, like I have things in place where I know I'm instantly going to get depressed being around certain friends that are too perfect, Like I sometimes avoid certain friends because they trigger me to like hate myself, Like I try to like and that's not a good thing that I do, but I have to do it because I know what will make me fall off the deep end.
And it's still.
It's just ugh, I just I don't know, Like I just I'm frustrated that depression just always seems like you're it's your fault and like you're not doing enough, and then when I try to do something, it's just so hard to do anything about it.
I know that people can relate who are listening, and.
We're so lucky because earlier in the show we talked about our families not getting therapy and stuff, and it's like, if you think about growing up in your parents' time, they didn't even.
Know what depression was. At least we know about it.
Hold it like and the Killers of the flowermon this one guy has melancholy, and I was like, oh my god, someone representation. I was like, I have the melanchol and he's like he's been sad his whole life and I'm like me too, Like it's so nice to hear about other people who suffer with it. So I think that's why I'm so open about it, because obviously I get people writing to me that also suffer with it, and then I get you know it, and it helps me to hear that other people have it.
But I also know that it helps to hear that someone has it.
But it's just like, I don't really have anyone in my close life that suffers with depression like I do, except Ian Finance.
I called him the other day because he always gets it. I can say the darkest shit and he's like me too, man.
Like It's like remember when I told Carlisle one time I wanted to I was like, I think I'm just gonna have to kill myself some day, and instead of being like support, she just goes me too.
It was that was hilarious.
But Ian Uh was really great the other day because he caught me a a and then he just started like bombarding me with calls and I was like not picking up because I'm like on a plane and I can't talk, and he's like, well then I just pick up and just listen, and he just wasn't being so wacky and so funny and really really dark in it. Like it helps me because he has gone there before and thought those things, so it was nice. But otherwise it just seems like people are just like, just make your bed go for a while, and it's like that's that is all true, that it is all true, Like those things do help. Like Noah's suggestions of like watching more positive things is honestly a good suggestion, and I and I will be more mindful of that stuff. But it's just I just don't. I wish more people understood how bad it is. And I think that's why I try to That's why I like sometimes on Girls Chatter, like even on here, I can say like really dark, fucked up things that make may people go kind of go like whoa. But it's like, how else are you supposed to show.
What you what is happening?
Like I need to like kind of like this is how I actually feel like I honestly think it's why a lot of times people kill themselves. I think it's because people don't believe that they're in pain. And if you kill yourself, what does everyone say? She must have been in so much pain?
I can't.
The pain she must be feeling must have been unimaginable. Why does no one have that said about them until after they kill themselves. No one says, you know, she's on medication, she's going to a doctor. She must be in so much pain. She can't get out of bed today. Now, she must be in so much pain. It's usually just like, ugh, she's in one of her things. Like people only get that kind of sympathy and understanding from the general public after they throw themselves from a hotel roof. Like it's only after that people go, wow, we had no idea. People are in quiet pain all over and it's just like, well, maybe if we made it better more okay to talk about that, and we we could empathize more.
But I do think that's the root of why, Like I.
Always say, yeah, after they kill themselves, then that's an opera. They can make that about them, whereas when you're if someone's depressed, they can't make that about them. But when someone kills themselves, then all of a sudden they can be like, oh my god, I had no idea they were in so much pain, and I knew that person, And then it becomes like a little like a little trophy for them to hold up, whereas when someone's depressed, there's no there's there's no ego that you can apply to that.
Well, because I'm not going to kill myself, but I talk about it a lot because I wish it was a thing that I could do more easily, or like that I could do it then come back again.
You know, like there's a.
Million reasons why I would never do it, and I'm not going to do it, But sometimes I say I'm going to do it because I just want people to understand. I just and I don't want them to get worried and call the cops or whatever, but I just want them to I get why people do it. I completely understand. Not only are you do you want the pain to stop? You want people to fucking get it. How miserable you are, Yeah to be understood. And I think that's what a lot of depression is is that people aren't understood, they don't feel understood. And I think that's what draws me to comedy, honestly, is like because I get to talk into a microphone and be like, these are my feelings, and you can't refute them by talking back or you'll get kicked out of here. So I wish it was helping more, but it's Yeah, it's just been a rough patch recently. But but it's not always this way.
It's there's there's more.
There's definitely if you spend time with friends is good, if you talk about it a lot, if you listen to like when you're depressed music sounds really good. Reaching out to other friends who are depressed has been very helpful for me, like not just talking to friends who are doing well, because it's just like it's just hard when I don't want to call people when they're doing well. Like I have a couple people in my life right now who are really going through a sad time, and it's been better for us to talk to each other.
And yeah, so that that stuff has.
Been helping and and and honestly that Hannah's videos. If you're depressed out there, listen to that woman. She is like so nurturing mother spirit, like so understanding of you being a little sad bitch.
And I mean that with love. So I guess that's the end of the show. Yeah, we'll be back next week, all right, So I'm in Australia.
I won't have stories from next week because we are still going to be doing pre taped episodes, but we will be up to date pretty soon.
But these are all new episodes.
These aren't repeats. We just banked them beforehand. We worked really hard to do so, so I hope you enjoy them. I love you, bust these WKA and see you next week.