Between you and Nikki she has specific superstitions. Andrew is lamenting saying good-bye to his girlfriend and Nikki has reopened a book she closed a long a time ago. You Heard it Here First: Phrases that are commonly said wrong but not by Nikki, Andrew has a theory about why men do stupid things on dates and no one cares about stinky celebrities. In the Top 1 Bottom 1, they talk about candy and in the Final Thought Nikki talks about a prank her friend David Spade played on a private jet!
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Nicky Nikky. Hello, welcome to the Nikki Glazer Podcast. It is Monday, August something. I don't even know it was all. It was Friday. On this past Friday, I read a tweet that said, uh, you know, the world is going to hell in a handbast something like that. Because it's Friday and no one is commenting on it. It's just like, you know, like usually it's there's a lot of press leading up to to Friday. Um, yeah, nothing, no one. I didn't even it went by without even me noting that it went by. No, what do you have any superstitions about that stuff? Because I always try it the first of the month to say rabbit rabbit. It's like the first thing. And by try, I mean I've never once done it since I was twelve and heard that it's good luck that on the turn of the first of the month you say rabbit rabbit. I don't know where it came from. Um. I I do have any superstitions, though, like are you? I'm not superstitious. But the thing that I keep finding myself No, I'm non stitious. But the thing that the stupid thing I keep doing is if I if I look at the time and it's all the same number, Like if it's one eleven, I'll make a wish. Yeah, okay, well one eleven. No one's talking about eleven eleven. That one is the one that everyone makes the wish on. So if it's like to to two, right, like two or three thirty three? Right, Okay, I like that, maybe I'll pick up that one. And you know what, I don't need another one, so poscisions become so o c D. And I'm sure, um, I would love to actually to hear from our best ties about the dumbest things you do superstitiously and um, and I'll recommend the best medication for you to be on to make those stops so you can get it on with your fucking day and realize that none of that stuff, you know what, Actually, now that I've become more spiritual, I do believe in those moments help you pause and maybe connect to something outside yourself, like a um, you know, like as someone who didn't believe in God for a while. Superstitions, I think we're my connection to like God or like something something's controlling the way things work, and I have to keep them happy to you know, like stay alive or whatever. I used to have a joke that, um, you know I used to and I always still do this where not actually I don't always do it anymore, but I used to have a thing where, you know, if I don't reach if I if I'm on a run and I'm like, I see they where I want to end. If I don't get to the end before this duelipa song ends, like I'll just pick in the arbitrary. They'll just pop in my head. Then I will not um, I will then I will do a BE on my upcoming special taping instead of an A. Like that's the kind of thing. It's not like I will fail it. I'll just get a B and I don't want to be. I want an A. And then I'll start just sprinting and the song is about to end in four seconds. I'm so far. I'm a half mile away, so it doesn't even make I'm setting myself up for failure or like a if A light, A lot of times I'll be looking in my purse for something. If anyone does these very specific ones, please let me know, because sometimes you do things that you think no one else does, and it's wild when someone goes I do that too. Sometimes I'll be like digging in my purse for let's say, a credit card or like a chapstick or something, and I'll be driving right and I'll be at a stop. I'll be pulling up to a stoplight. It's turning yellow, and I decide that if I don't find the chapstick and put it to my lips before I start or before my car stops, like until I come to a complete stop, then bad things. Well, like I don't even I don't even have enough time to decide the fate, Like I'll just be like so then I will start just like slowing down and like just you know, really inching for it. And then I get so close to the bumper in front of me because I just don't want to stop before I find the top stick, and then I have to stop, and I go, I guess you know they are going to cut my joke on f Boy Island season or episode eight or something like it's just so stupid. But I used to have a joke that, um, I was really superstitious as a child will not super but kind of I use that joke that I used on you before that seemed off the dome. But it wasn't. Um, and I said that, uh, you know, I would be playing basketball in my front yard or not yard but driveway, and I would say, if you don't make this basket, your sister will be kidnapped. And then I would um, oh, I would try so hard to just throw the ball behind my head. Um like it was. It was a joke like that of like your I would love her to be kidnapped because she was so pretty. Um. The super since I have is I say, if I say a never statement a superlative of I've never I don't even want to say it right now because I don't. I don't have any wood around me, you know, um, and I would have to go knock on what well, Like sometimes you look at a door and you're like, is that what? Or is that like lamin it? And can I do like A would if it's inside the wood, like if there's a coating on top, does that count as would? But if I say a never statement, um, like, let me say I've never had a million. Um. I was about to say dollars, but I'm not trying to brag. I don't know if that's that really was shitty of me and revealed too much. I've never had. Listen, it's not my money. By the way, I might have a million dollars, but you know this, whatever you have in the bank, it ain't yours. Like I can say that. People go, you must be you have you reached that point? Yeah, I have. I have, but I spend so much money to make that money. So and I I split whatever I get. I'll talk about that in a second. But um, if I do it a never statement like I've never had ten million dollars, I'm trying to do one that's positive. So I don't have a wood around me, so it might happen. Um, I've never had a million ten million dollars. Um. I if it was a bad thing, I would go knock on wood. I would hit would three times, knock gone wood, and then I go on my head, knock gone wood. But I didn't do it. So maybe I will have ten million dollars someday. That's the only superstition I really actually have. The other ones, you know, if I'll be on a treadmill, which I never am anymore, but I used to do it, like if if I don't finish this four miles sprint by the time the song has done whatever that is, then I'm going to bomb my appearance on Conan. And sometimes I wouldn't finish the sprint and I would just go, Nikki, that is your O c D. That is not actually going to happen. But if I did finish it before I go up, looks like I don't have to prepare Vergonan because it's in the car. Let me talk about the money thing for a second, because, um, I know, I hate talking about money or ever complaining about it or or being like bashful about having money, because that's even more obnoxious than just bragging about it. Sometimes I guess, um, I have been someone who has had no money before and been very scared, and I don't pretend to understand what that's like if you have a family or you know a lot of debt or anything like that. So I have a lot of empathy for anyone going through that, And I don't mean to trigger you by talking about money and being like, but I just I never you guys know, if you're listening to the show, I don't really look at my money. Ever. I don't really know how much I have, um because it scares me and I feel like if I look at it. Then um, I might see like I might oh like something, and then I'll have to give it away. I don't know. I have all this fear wrapped around it. It's a very common fear. It's the same reason I don't like to go you know that I don't like to call insurance companies, and I pay out of pocket for so many things that I could just give insurance for because I'm just scared to talk to people on the phone and have them be like, oh, yeah, um, why we're on the phone. You owe us uh ten million dollars. We forgot that and if you don't pay us, you're gonna go to jail and lose everything. Like I'm just scared of this thing that doesn't even happen. Um. But what I will say about money is like I did for the first time look at I was like I was backstage with a meal in um Atlantic City, waiting to go on stage and talking about how I want to bring more people on the road with me and including him. He's going to be on a lot of my dates, and I was figuring out how to pay him or like, how to make it worth his time. Because I was once a struggling comic and you know, got brought out and the money you make at the club is not enough to like, it's not a living wage anywhere close to it. And you know it's actually if you're paying for your own flight and hotel, which hotel is usually provided. But I I was telling him, and I was like, you know, it seems greedy of me to not when you hear how much money I make at these gigs. If you're my opener and then you see how much money you make from how much I'm paying you, it would seem like, well, that's not fair. And and I'm actually just I'm not saying that is what my openers say, because I don't think it is. Because I do pay them better than most people pay their openers. I would say, I don't know that to be true, but based on my experience, Um, but there's there's some fear of me having people see how much money I make for certain things I do, because the people I work with might be like, hey, um, can you give me some more of that? And I want to as and when I make more money, I always try to get everyone that I pay they make more money. Like you know, I used to make Uh, like, based on the check I would get at the end of the week from a club after I did seven shows, it would be I don't even want to say the number, but it would be a number that's a fraction of the amount I make doing one theater show now. And that's just you know, that's what happens when you get a little bit more famous. I'm not at the level of Sebastian yet, which, by the way, when I was at the Wargot in Atlantic City, I'm walking through the bowels of this hotel to get to or casino to get to my show, and I'm walking with a meal and Andrew, and then we're being escorted by security and they go, um, you know, Sebastians performing here tonight as well, not at the same room as I was. Um, and if you want to go to a show later, yours gets out by the time you could make it over to his it starts at ten. And I was like, uh, maybe, I don't know if I want to watch comedy after doing it, but maybe. Hey. By the way, um, I under I'm guessing that Sebastian is doing like some kind of arena you have on campus. My my theater was about a thousand seats, and I go, how what What's what's Sebastians? And I go three thousand. I go, Actually, I thought I would be doing a lot worse then Sebastian, like just a two thousand seater discrupancy. We both sold out. Um okay, I guess I'm not too far in Sebastians a rear view mirror and they go, um, he sold out seventeen shows, uh in like three minutes, and he's he's doing a residency of seventeen shows over like three weeks. And I was like, never mind, what's seventeen times three? I don't know fifty one? Andrew did that math, by the way, immediately I was like I abandoned the math because I was like, I can't do that. So Andrew just goes at fifty one. I was like, well hello, um, so that really like shook me and made me really It's like, okay, yeah, Sebastian is where I thought he was in comparison to me. Um. But what I will say about it is that when I was talking to a Meal, and I never look at my money, and I don't really I always want to pay everyone as like I just want people to feel good about working for me and never resent me. Um based on how much I'm giving them or how much they see I make versus them. And I started just talking to a meal about in say, like, you know, I can offer you this, and I know that seems low, but can I just let me, for the first time ever try to do some simple math and figure out what I'm walking away with over a weekend based on my costs and Noah, I just want to say that the weekend that I picked, which was San Antonio doing two shows in one night, and you know, everyone on my uh payroll and all the money I spent on um flights, hotel, uh you know for my team and uh food, um, well for myself, I guess I'm you know, I bought dinner one night, and but I didn't even add that paying gloves up Chano. To come out and choreographic, you have to rent like a dance studio rehearsal spece. I did. I did. I had to we rented by the hour, and that was actually like very affordable. I might do that in every town I'm going to because I do love um corey wrapping dances like adding I want to like make more and having glub around was awesome, but you know, and and let's discount. I didn't even add glob to this when I was doing this math with the meal, and I determined by my loose math. And if my business manager is listening, I do need you to look at what I'm walking away with at another weekend, because sometimes my agent will message me and go, wow, the numbers were great this weekend. You walked away with data dat And I go, is that the number before? After you take your share and my manager takes this share, and my lawyer takes to share, and my business manager takes their share from like you know, processing all that money like this, this and taxes. So whenever I get a number from them like this is your gross for the weekend, I just go, that is gross. That's obscene amount of money. That's for me just blathering on stage. I'm I understand. I try to give people a good show because I understand how much they're paying for tickets now, and I I feel and deserving of it. But I'm I'm working towards making a show that even if I suck, you will still have a good time. That's like my goal because I'm insecure about my talent gaining security as every day as I go, because I'm actually gonna get security because I'm a little scared of people that actually think I'm talented being uh no, I'm just kidding. That was just a weird rim, but uh I might need security down the line. And then that's another chunk. Let me just say, when I hear the big number, UM, I never ever go I made this this weekend, what I do is I split it in half. And because my my agent manager takes a cut and then taxes, right, so I split it in half, and then I then I add a little because let's say, like it's probably like forty five cent is not mine. I'll never see it. It was never mine. So for someone to tell me I made this much this weekend, I never go I made that much ever. And when I was someone, when I look at my um, the any of them, like the money I made for f White Island, split it in half and then maybe split that in half too, after all the expenses, you know, And so when I did the math, now I'm not joking you. Working like the DC improv and selling out six shows there over three nights in a small room versus two shows in a theater in one city. I made more money in DC and and let me be okay, that's more work, that's more days. I have to get in on a Wednesday to press on Wednesday morning or Thursday morning, Friday morning, and then I fly out on Sunday. I don't hate staying extra days. I actually liked that because now flying into a city and then flying out the next day, it's really taxing. But I made more money. And then because all I was paying for was Andrew to open for me, and then also tipping out the wait staff generously um and then also my managerin agent took a chunk. But like I didn't have a lot of other things like Andrew got put up in the hotel by the club. I didn't have to pay for that now, and it's it's funny like it all kind of equals out, like I'm not making more money actually from this is that? Does that mean that I shouldn't do a theater tour? Not to me, because the reason I'm doing, the reason I walk away with less money is not because that's just the way it is. It's because I've designed it that way because I want to make it an enjoyable experience, like I want to pay for this to be as easy for me as possible. My assistant Gen takes care of all my bullshit, so I don't have to ever deal with any like paperwork or dealing, you know, like there's things that make it now. It's it's it's very enjoyable for me. However, it is taxing in terms of the travel, and um that really just the travel. That's the only thing that I can't pay someone to do for me is to like travel, And sometimes I wish I could pay people to pay for me. Honestly, Um, the thing is, it's worth it. And I was talking to Anna about this and she's like, well, babe, maybe we can work on cutting costs somewhere because this doesn't seem right, And I go, no, I don't want to because I want everyone that works for me to be compensated enough that they feel good about it. And I also want to make it fun because yeah, I could not have Andrew and Anya open for me and just get a local person that would do a great job. I could not have a tour manager who I really love and pay him. I could pay him probably half of what he's I could base on one half of what I'm paying him, and he'd feel okay about it because people are so hard up for work, like I could take advantage of that. And I'm not saying I'm like some kind of fucking hero. By the way, I'm not paying them like I'm sure my tour manager would listen to this and be like, uh no, one would do it for half of what I make, bitch. But I want I want to just only do work that's fun from now on, only work that's fun. And I learned this weekend flying to Edmonton, three flights on the way there a fifteen hour travel day, delays along the whole way. I'm not complaining, by the way, I'm not complaining because I remember that Louis k clip where he talks about the miracle flight. You don't get to complain about flying. You should be happy that you can fly through the air miraculously like a bird and get from one goes to the next in you know, five hours instead of you know, five years, and all the people with you would die. He has a great bit about that he did on Conan and in a special um and it changed the way I perceived that. So I never complained about air travel. But it was three flights there, three flights back and to do thirty minutes of comedy. But it was worth it, you know why. It wouldn't have been worth it had I not been able to hang out with David Spade all weekend and his assistant Heather. Um. I made a new best friend in Heather. She's someone that you're gonna hear me talk about a lot. Just an instant like love at first uh site kind of thing with a friend. Um. But that made it worth it. It would if that wouldn't have happened, if it wouldn't have been And the show itself was amazing. Everyone of all the besties at the show in Edmonton, thank you so much. There was some outside of the gate that couldn't get in that were screaming at me that where I waved too, I love you so much. There were ones waving in the audience. It looked like woodstock, and yet there were people waving to me that I knew were besties. Um. That made it all worth it. Um. But if it wasn't like that, I would have said I will never go to Canada again, because I get so nervous going through customs. I feel like I'm a criminal. It stresses me out, and I would have like been like, okay, no, there's something recently that I put my foot down and I go, I'll never do that again. What was it? Hold on, we'll get Andrew in here. Right after I figure out what it was, I just go. I learned my lesson. Oh yeah, I will never go on a girl's trip to a hotel and not google the place that i'm staying. Again, learn my lesson. You know that is not I mean, that does have something to do with money. Oh, let's get Andrew and your continued. Oh, Marryan's there too, I got her. Hey, Andrew row Row, Yes, you're in. Oh they think you're here because I am talking to someone. Before I was just talking to myself. And now Marian, Marian, my dog thinks that someone's here. At Marian came here, you know. Uh. It's it's wild how she has healed. You, remember me? Can you hold the scar up? I like to see it, even though even in person would be even better. But oh my god, wait what it's just it's what a cool scar. That's what I want my stab wound to look like. It's a great scar. And she's totally healed. She is like just as normal as ever. Look like she got bit by a shark. You know what's not a cool scar is the one that's on my knee after I surgically removed the Did you go at it again? No, dude, because I was right, I got it out. I miss it. I'm mad I got it out. But you know what, I have a gigantic scar on my knee that, um people keep commenting on. I see it in photos like I have to go get get like laser surgery or something like I need to get. And then the other day I got surgery your own math surgery flat and not make a big like purple like lesion. Um. It looks way worse than it did when it was a little ward, but you know what I had, I would do it again. That was so fun taking a scalpel to this baby. And UM. The other day I told my mom and her friend, who have designed our podcast studio, that I because her friend goes nicky, her beautiful legs have bruises all over them because they do. UM. But I think she was really looking at this thing that looks like a bruise, but it's actually the scar from my work. Um, and I go, oh, now there's a scar from a work that I surgically remove myself with some scalpels I bought on Amazon. And she goes singles, you know, you could use a banana peel for that, Like my mom and her were kind of like banana peels work to get off words. It's like it's like an old home. If I do not try a banana peel to get rid of your work, I will. I can actually tell you how to get rid of one if you want to do it in a way that's not with a scalpel, like there's other ways. Um. But it's so funny that she was like my mom goes, NICKI next time he's a banana pule, and I go, I would never do that because I don't want to get rid of it. I didn't really want to get rid of this thing. I miss it. And um, anyway, how's Chicago, how's Brenna. I mean, I do love that they were so chill, like they weren't surprised, like this is such a woman thing, Like I just get a banana peel and a cheese grater, like I mean, I think they were horrified by the fact that I cut it off of the scalpel. You got a stitch kid to stitch yourself up. No, I don't want to do that. See I I don't like that kind of surgery. If that got me off, I would be so happy because there's so many videos of that online. But there's not a lot of like digging out wart videos um as, you know, like there's just not the content that I want as a ward. Heead just just not out there popping. People send me cists. Some I can't even say that word because I'm my busil line. And sorry if I'm sounding kind of list by today, but I gotta wear my BUSI line more like stringently because I need to get through it. I've been on this ship for five years now and it was supposed to be seven months when I originally got it in two thousand. You have like the Gilligan Island of Mouth. Yeah, it was, Oh my god, that's so true. It's like I really this weekend, I was like popping them in or out, and David Spade was like, so, what's the deal with those? Why are you trying to fix? And I go, oh, it's just like this little tooth that I it's out a little bit more than the others. I was teased for having buck teeth as a kid. I can't stand the of one of my teeth being out more. I'm obsessed with it. They were breakup braces. I was trying to control things that were out of my control. I picked braces and he goes. I think at some point you just like, are like, you just give up, because that's so long to be wearing these fucking galleee trays on your It doesn't look good. I mean they are invisible, and sometimes people can't tell. They don't look better than crooked teeth. Like six years of this, they're zero to sixty. They're invisible in your mouth, and then they are the most visible thing on the table when you take them out to eat with someone else, Like, they are insanely visible. It's ridiculous how gross they are. And when you take them out, and I'm so used to taking them out that I don't get you. Yeah, if you don't want to hear the sound of it right now, it sounds Kirsten said it sounds or maybe it was you. Someone funnier than me said that it sounds like it's your back cracking. Was that you, Andrew? I don't know, but yeah it does sound like like picture me cracking my ac You know what else you can hear? You could hear just a drip of saliva. I know. I'm sorry ephonic out there and did not want to hear that. Um. How is Chicago? Chicago? Chicago is great? Um, I've been having a lot of sects, almost too much, you know, for me, it's just too much, um just making up for lost time. Let let me ask you about I mean, you couldn't get up there fast enough. I could tell you were like really feeling the absence of your lady before you went up there, like you were just jones and for um some sex. I mean, how right when she she came home from work, she goes, I need to shower, and I go, no, you don't, Yeah, yeah I I did. It is like, I'll tell you what a long distance relationship, the first time you have sex, it's almost worth the you know, month of cheating on each other just getting Yeah. No, I I don't disagree with you. I think that long distance relationships often last longer because of that heat you develop in that you miss each other, you know, and you can just stretch out a relationship much longer than it would be. Now, you guys didn't start long distance, so you already know that you actually would work if you lived in the same city. You're not under this like delusion that you're But don't you find when you're in a long distance Like, let's say I'm leaving in three days, let's not talk about the departure on the first day. Like, let it, let's just have fun because you already are thinking about the goodbye, which is top you know, And it's like, do you bring that up? You've dated a little bit long distance, Like do you do you talk about the sadness of leaving? I mean, dude, that's all I can think about. I can that's I can't enjoy meals because I know it's gonna be over. I can't enjoy UM series A like Finales because I know it's about to be over. Like when I even on our trip, you can enjoy episode let's say you're all right days, you can enjoy the first three days. Yeah, I think the first the first three days of a trip of a vacation, I don't think about the end at all. And then I would say the last two or three days, depending on how long the trip is. Um when it starts to go over the hump and you start to like open your emails again and start thinking about like what's it going to be like when I get home, and like do I have food? They're like, that's when I start getting pretty depressed. And then it takes me out of the moment and I can't be in it anymore. I just gotta I just got a podcast sent to me. I do friend casts with my friends, where we send each other podcasts about our lives, you know, and it's just an easy way to catch up. And my friend recently just sent me a podcast I listened to this morning and she was talking about like a time she was longing for of like when we're together, and she was just like, you know, I just like look at pictures of it, or I like I am, I look at footage and stuff, and I just I'm like thinking about, like, God, I wish we could just go back to that, Like I just missed that so much. And I was doing a podcast back to her today and I said that still exists, like that happened and it's still like when someone dies, it's obviously like the saddest thing ever because there's no more memories to be made. But like you have the times that you did spend together, and and I also like you still have those. I don't know what I'm talking about, but what I did say was like, next time we are in a place like that where we are all having like she was describing a moment. She was like, I wish we could just be in this one room when we were all giggling and blah blah, and I go, next time we are, let's really try to sit in it and be like, God, this is fucking good. God Like right now feels good. And and then why don't we try when things are really bad to treat them like we do about good things, which is, oh, it's gonna go away. It's gonna go away soon, It's not gonna be this way forever. Why don't we ever when something when things are bad, I always go, this is the way it is, and it's always going to be this way. And when things are good, I go, this is gonna go away soon. So let's flip those if we can. Um. So are you guys struggling with that? No? No, I mean we're good. I just think the first day she was talking about it, and I was just like, why are we talking about this? Because she loves you and you know, oh yeah, no, it's great, And if you don't talk about it, there's not going to be a solution, you know what, Just put another time to see her on the books. If you have that, then there's no worry about parting ways because there's something to look forward to. But I think that's the thing with long distances, like when as long as the high out, like the beginning of seeing each other outweighs leaving each other, they can still I think when they start to, like flip, is when it starts getting into um sustainable. I mean maybe it is for some people, but I find that there is a The first couple of times are so magical, and those first bangs when you see each other are just great. But then by the end of the week, like you're there a week, like you just start kind of going like, I know, there's this hot girl laying next to me that like I would a week ago would have murdered my roommate to bang to even touch this person, And now like she's just she's hot and she's there and I'll fuck her but it's like, and dude, I am obsessed. I'm not gonna get into it right now. I promise you. I am freaking obsessed with the book. I picked it up again on my arduous journey to Canada this week, which I traveled twenty seven hours in three days in airports in planes. Cut your arm off, you know me? I I could have cutting that off in twenty seven seconds. I love I love a surgical uh. I mean I really took off yet. That's for heads out there. Ye, I've never even seen that movie, but we get the reference. And I didn't even say a hundred. I said seven, and you just went with it, and I like it. I think is the best age. I think that's also the age that a lot of people die. However, I did pick up a book again. I'm starting to read again because reading is a vacation for your mind. It really is, like I just need to as much as when I get depressed, I know that I need to think outside myself and not and either call someone who could really use uh an ear to listen to their problems, like I need to be of service to someone, or I need to pick up a book and or like jump into a show or something and escape and make someone else's life or like ideas, um, like fill the space that that mine are are like spiraling. So this weekend I was kind of spiraling about. I saw a picture of myself that I just didn't know that I looked like that. Um. I left the house thinking I looked way different. And then I saw an angle and I was like, whoa, Um, that's different than I thought. So I started spiraling anyway. I decided, you got to read again, like immerse yourself in something interesting. So I went through my e books in my phone and Noah, you know what book I just decided to pick back up again? And the answer is not getting do I do? Even though that is a book that I recommend every woman and man read um to understand attraction and uh, you know, building intimacy and finding the right partner for yourself and boundaries and all that stuff. But cupids poisoned arrow. Noah, I'm listening. Um, I'm obsessed with it again. I started from the beginning because I you know, I always read it. It's well you wish because it is not fiction at all. It is a nonfiction book. And you've heard me talk about it Andrew. I read this book back in like two thousand nine eighteen, I'm guessing, and I was obsessed with it. I talked about it on my show You Up all the Time, and um My serious show. Whitney Cummings recommended this book to me, as she did getting too, I do, and Me and Noah and Anya became obsessed with cubids Poisoned Arrow, which is a book about um orgasms and how they destroy relationships and and women and women and men like it is. The research is so compelling, the way this woman presents her argument, like I'm also reading a book about codependence and narcissists and how they attract each other and how unless you heal your codependence, you will always be magnetized to a narcissist, which I find over and over is like you will never love another code dependent, You'll always love a narcissist. It happens over and over again. It's fascinating. It's called the Human agnet Syndrome. Is the book that was recommended to me, I think by a bestie, and it's the way he writes just doesn't grip me as much. And it isn't this the evidence is all there, but it's just not the way. It's not presented in a way that I can recommend it to my friends and know they're going to stick through it. If you read cub It's poison arrow I. I I am imploring besties to just download the sample and read the first hundred pages on your phone or whatever. First twenty pages. Hundred pages for me is like five pages, because I have the thought so big. But and tell me that you aren't compelled by the research and the anecdotal evidence and the case studies. Um. It's basically saying that the reason that relationships fail is because we're having too many orgasms. Orgasms. And I thought of you, Andrew, not because of your relationship, but because one of the opening arguments that I missed the first time I read it is why do friends? Why do deep friendships never seem to fall apart? But the second um that the second you get into a relationship, that the relationships fall apart. Why is that the relationships have such shorter and more frequent turnaround and shelf life? It's sex. It's sex, and that is the problem. Because Andrew, you and I have we if you take out the if you if you look at our relationship and our friendship which I have with anyone that i'm I'm roommates with that I'm like. When On and I lived together, it was like a relationship, except we didn't touch each other and have sex. Like, there's there's nothing about you and me that would like aside from the fact that we don't touch each other and have sex, that is really that different from a relationship. And I would say that for all of my best friends, but especially because we live together. You know, That's why I'm giving that example. But uh, why is it that we can maintain friendships and really rarely have falling out with friends? I mean, it does happen, but the relationships always fall apart. And the answer is sex. The answer is sex. And you might say, no, it's jealousy, and it's like, you know, monogamy, that's a whole other thing. Why are we allowed to have Why am I allowed to have a shelf of best friends and my other best friends don't get jealous of those best friends, But yet I can't keep a shelf of lovers. I don't want to keep a shelf of lovers. But why? Why? Why jealousy? Why this? Uh? Treating properly I guess that's why relationships where you start as friends and then you maybe add sex later those apart two She She cites that as like, that's because I was even thinking about you, because people are always like where to ways to go through whatever, And I'm like, you think it would work based on how close we are, But that's because we're friends, and because we don't have sex, that's why we're gonna last. It's like if we if I was best friends, people started, but a lot of people get divorced after they stopped fucking a lot, you know what I mean. Like, so there's a lot of relationship. This isn't about stopping having sex. By the way, not having orgasms is not It's actually more sex, more for play, more intimacy, more cuddling, more slow building of sex. It's no orgasm. So people always go but Nikki, I like sex. It's like, no, you're gonna have more, but it's just no orgasm because orgasms are for procreation and when you have an orgasm. And this is my final thought of this spiel, and I'll be talking about this a lot because I'm actually going to finish this book and try to remember I'm highlighting things. I'm studying this book the way that uh, you know, I would if I was had a final exam coming up in a nightmare that I have last night actually where I was trying to get to class. But the final thing is that the blanket statement here is that orgasms are things that are made to have to procreate, and one percent of couples having sex, let's say one that's probably uh generous, are trying to conceive a baby. So why are we all doing something that only one percent of people relationships are actually trying to do what it was meant to do. It would be like there was a great example in the book. It would be like, um, having like birthday cake every single night of your life because it's it's a thing you can do when really only one person, less than one percent, one out of three sixty five are really having a birthday that day and deserve the cake like you don't. Just because it feels good and it's what you want does not mean it's making your life better if we did everything that felt good because people go, I love orgasms through all I live, I love them. The research states that after you come, you get depressed, you get anxious, you get clingy. This is for a woman in the two weeks following. There's bliss for a day up to two or three days after, and then it plummets and you get anxious, clingy, depressed. For men in instantly after an orgasm, they want something new. There's a study with rats where a rat is uh put into a cage with a female rat and he's horny as fuck and they funk a lot. I'm so hot. Both both rats are super hot. But actually that's true because they pumped the woman with hormones that make her having like spray, yeah, like her asshole smells good, you know, whatever it is. They pump her with hormones so that she's super hot to this rat. So listen to the s Andrew the rat fox and fox and bucks. The male rat populate, they make, they make, they have a ton of sacks. The brat jes is and then the rat passes out in the corner from being tired from exhaustion. And then the female rat is still going like come on, because she's pumped with hormones more and more, and the male rat is just like, oh, you know, I gotta get up early, and I'm just like I just don't feel good. I think I ate too much, and like, you know, just kind of like you. Maybe let's watch her favorite show. It's like on TikTok or whatever. And then they take that female rat out. And this is right after the male rat is sleeping and pushing the female that he just sucked out. They take that female out and they put in a new female that's pumped with the same hormones that female has. Guess who's ready to go again right away? That fucking rat. It wasn't about not wanting to funk anymore and that he was exhausted. It was about he didn't want to funk the same thing because he already came in it when men cam rats, Let's get to the news. Wait. I have a question though, Fine, we'll be talking about this all this week. I just want our muskies to read Cuban's poison Arrow, and I would love to hear what you think about it. Okay, all right, you're already here. First, folks, no one's allowed to come until Nikki said so, uh, which probably you're probably gonna die with coming. I don't want to have orgasms anymore, I really don't. I'm not doing it. I'm going to test it, okay, but as a guy, you need to come twenty one times to keep your prostate healthy. What do you say to that? Um bullshit? I think it's the same as like circumcision. You gotta do it because well, there's dirt in your foreskin. It's just like, shut up, you just it's religion. It's dumb, and it's for esthetic purposes. And we've we've glamorized a circumcised dick and now everyone's making scientific arguments for it, and it's just, yeah, maybe they get infected more often if there's a You just need to teach a baby and a man proper hygiene, and I think that would solve it rather than having to slice the baby's dick open seconds after it was Can you can you come on your own? So if you're in a relationship, you can't come on your own either. The thing is like, I'm not even joking you. I stopped smoking weed a week ago and for me weed. And by the way, they've done brain scans from and who have orgasms and the same an orgasm is not a penis event or a genital event. It is a brain event. And when they do scans of brains for men having orgasms, the parts of the brain that light up. It looks exactly like a heroin addict shooting up, and it's a drug. You you have a disease that follows an orgasm. The depression, the anxiety that follows an orgasm then makes you want to have another orgasm to fill it. So when I stopped smoking weed a week ago, the anxiety I had of not smoking weed made me want to smoke weed. But I worked through it and now I don't have I don't have that urge anymore. So it's it would be tough at the beginning to not have orgasms. And she in this book, she presents a type of love making that you can have that is without orgasm. That I haven't gotten to that part, so I don't know what the sex looks like without orgasm. Noah definitely read the book and knows it's called Careza. But um, we'll get into it later. Let's get to the news. What's the first story? All right? First story? First of all, I hope having all the swells out there, yet a great common phrases people constantly get wrong and how to say them correctly? Wait, can I guess some of her some of these all intense and all intensive purposes. That's literally the first one. Yep, that's the one that everyone always gets wrong. It's for all intense intensive purposes. What should it be all intense and purposes? Yes, not intensive. I mean that's wild, it's not wild. It's like it's just such a common one. I think it might seem like I am blowing your mind right now, but that that's just the one that happens all the time. What's what's number two? And that's the only one I got. I could, I could care less. Oh, I could care less. I couldn't care less. If you could care less, then it's not then it's something that yes, I couldn't care less. But you know what, I could care less works for me if you mean that you actually could care less about something. And the truth is when people say I could I couldn't care less, Yes you could. There are things that are more boring, so I could care less, it is actually more accurate because you can. When people go, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, I go, you wouldn't wish be your flight being delayed seven hours on your worst enemy. Your worst enemy is probably for me, it's Trump. I'd wish that on him, you know, like that's that's a phrase that actually doesn't or this is the best barbecue. It's the best barbecue in the world. Have you tried all the barbecue in the world. You can't say that you don't know it's the best barbebecue I've tried in the world. Yes. You know when my stepbrother his joke, his big joke, Jake the Snake, he'd always go his existence, Yes, spaghetti for dinner, and he'd go, man, it's the best spaghetti I had all day. That's cute, Like it's the only spaghetti you had today, Jake. I like that joke. I had a dream about you and your brother's last night. I had a dream about you least what Yeah was there and a dog almost got hit And then I screamed in my sleep and Brenna was awake. When I screamed, it was so embarrassed. I'm telling you about no orgasms. It sounded like I had one alright ready. When people hear you wake up from your nightmare, oh my god, I went, I went, I go, can you do the sound? And that's what she goes. Yeah, you were like humiliating. I once was in a tent with my mom and sister on a camping droom and I remember having a dream that I was like in a miss American vageant and they are just I heard them kind of like stirring. I was like half awake, and I woke myself up saying my name is Nicky Glazer, Like I was saying, all this is embarrassing because when my dad told us about having a wet dream in front of this family as they were watching TV as a kid, I mean, that's got to be the worst. You guys best to send us in voice memos of things you've said in the company of others when you're sleeping or waking up from a nightmare that are embarrassing. I would love to hear them because they make They're already making me laugh just thinking about what I thought a dog was about to get hit by a truck one of the toy poodles I used to watch. I forgot that dreams are interesting. So let's get back to Okay, let's nip this in the butt. Oh, nip this in the bud? Yes, yeah, as in take action to stop a bud from growing into a full flower. I thought that's what it was. Okay, let's do it. Give me more, give me, give me more. Do a three sixty, Yeah, you're gonna do. If you do a three sixty, you're gonna end up right where you are. Yeah. I did a complete three sixty, and let me let me guess. Drum roll for one that definitely has to make it literally. I don't see literally, So you're wrong. It's so embarrassing and I gotta stop doing it. But I say literally a lot, and it's well, we'll say what what what should you say? Literally? Not say it because it's not literal. You know when people go it's said like I've heard Oprah a lot of times ago, and it's sent literal shock waves through the nation. It's like, unless you're talking about an atomic explosion, there's nothing that literally send shock waves through the nation. Yeah yeah, but metaphorically, yeah, yeah, you should just say shock. Yeah, you can say it's sent shockwaves through the nation. You don't need to say literally, because then that that makes that presents uh, you know, like it's going to be literally could have? Well this said should should be could have and should have should have should have? I used to have a problem with this should have and yeah, I think that's okay. How should have like I'm thinking of should have as in should apostrophe the and I think that is proper, like to combine them and do use it. But should have on like when I see I should have done this or could have? Yeah, that's wrong. Okay, let's keep going. I love these. First come, first serve. The first person to arrive will be the first person. Wait, hold on, first come, first served. Yes, okay, we'll get the next one unless here. Okay, Dog eat Dog World, Dog Eat Dog World, dog a Dog eat Dog World, Dog eat Dog Yes, Dog Eat Dog World. We don't need to define them. Yeah, they keep doing them. Just let's listen out and let me just like want of the same. Oh, that's it, okay, next story the dog World. Yeah, I mean you should have jumped to the next one. So should have. Ohh that's right, that's right. Listen, you pulled a real three six Okay, alright, next door? I miss you, Brad, I'm still here. Okay. A New York City subway driver is in trouble after letting his girlfriend conduct the D train for several stops, and she posted the photos on Instagram. I mean, what an idiot. And the people that run the train systems are generally so um well trained and like really take their job very seriously. And I respect the m t A transit people. I guess that's saying like a t M machine. I respect m t A so much. And you know there's always like if you strike an if you assault an empty employee, you will spend eternity in prison. And uh, this guy, I mean, I don't know, it just kind of reminds me of I was on a private jet this weekend. I want to say I could have I could have, um, but I didn't because the cockpit it was so weird to see the cockpit opened, the door open. I wanted them to close it just in case David Spade decided to, you know, hijack everyone like I. I just wanted it close so that and I'm not even joking you. At one point, we I gotta he's not a picture. I'm gonna ask if we can post on our story. Noah, police follow up with me to get this because I always promised things are gonna post our story and I never do it. And I apologize to besties because I want you to be able to see these things. At one point, he sends a picture to me and his assistant other while the plate while we're flying, and he was like, and we thought it was photoshop because it shows the pilots showing each other a clipboard and it has like a graph on it, you know what. It looks like they're like looking at coordinates and it's a graph that has like it's this thing that's been circulating around like a meme where it's like is this a rap it or a duck? And they are looking at it and it looks like they're like sharing cord, Like it looks like they're like talking about the flight plan, but it is. They are both talking about whether it's a duck or a bunny. And I'm like, this is why we close the door, because this is what they're all doing up there, and we don't need to see this ship. But I could have sat on their lap. And and did she actually have the controls of it? Do we do we see her? Was it her birthday? Also? She's hot. He's trying to get laid. I mean, he's trying to impress her. It's can't be that hard um to to hit go and stop and then someone's telling you like, it's not that it was take your girlfriend to work day. Then we forget that he does make thousand a year, as they should. And after you know, after my monogue at the top, let's be honest, he's walking away with one thousand when all of a sudden done. I'm guessing no one when you present a salary, cut it in half and then take a little bit more away. Here's the problem. What if she just let him come in the morning, she never would have drove that train. Mm hmm. So you're saying that to protect the New York City public met women need to let their guys come. Yes, that is maybe chapter and there isn't a dendum to a cubic poison arrow that says you can come if you are a d train operator and the fact that you don't come might lead you to give your girlfriend the responsibilities of driving your train. Okay, you know what it's time for, Andrew a short brain. Let's get to why do I care? Why do I care? All? Right? Uh? That Nicole Brown says that deodoran list Matthew McConaughey smells like granola. So as we know, a lot of people a lot of celebrities are in the news for not showering, not letting their kids shower. Apparently, Matthew McConaughey was quoted as saying that he doesn't wear deodorant, so this actress really smelled him really hard and said that he smelled great. That he smells like this is more of his run of becoming president. You know, it's just this is the press machine trying to get the word out. Um, I don't care about this at all. I'm so tired of I don't even I don't. Of course, he smells like granola. He looks like he does. And yeah, I don't know. I feel like even it was when Brenna was like, I need to shower, and you still wanted to suck her, like you probably smelled Brenna when she had b Oh, it doesn't really like sicken you to the point that she's unlovable. I mean, like we we aren't supposed to not smell. I don't think, well, there is a hippie smell that if it isn't treated for long enough, it does get pretty. I mean, humans can smell really fucking bad, right, you know, A month or two of not showering. But yeah, if you shower and you know your armpits smell a little bit, I think, yeah, I think you can overlook it if you're fucking fucking Matthew McConaughey, Yeah, I think that it's yeah, it's probably I wanted to share. Rihanna posted something the other day of all these people saying she smells good, and she said, like just saying it is. Have you guys heard of how Rihanna smells good and how everyone says it, and it's like a thing. I couldn't believe this. Hold on, let me find the clip. God, she posts a lot perfume. Oh, she already took it down. Hold on, I'm gonna I'm gonna find it though, um smell good. No, it's like it's every celebrity people talking anecdotally about meeting her and how she okay. She shared a video montage. Let's see if oh it's on Twitter. What's that line? Though? There's something like if it smells like a fish, it's a dish. If it smells like perfume, leave it alone or something. Oh no, I'd never heard of that, but that like people that overcompensate. I mean, I've been wearing your girlfriend's cologne that she gave me, not cologne, but um, the scent because it's like it's one that I can travel with because it's so small and it smells so good, and um, I feel really but this made me very insecure. I don't wear perfume a lot because the one time I wore a fragrance and I was working with um, what is his name, Bobby Slayton. He was a headliner. We were in Tahoe over ten years ago, and I put on Britney Spears perfume that smelled good to me and and as someone who I like respected probably wore it, so I like was like, oh, I trust that it smells good. And he goes, oh Jesus Christ no, and like really made me feel and I never from that point ever wanted to wear perfume again. But listen to this. Listen to this Rihanna, like this thing about Rihanna, I'm smelling good. It starts with little nas um reading uh. Like these are all just like clips of different people saying she smells good. And what she says is just saying okay, wait okay. So it says he goes, there's a thing that says, what's your favorite smell? What's your favorite smeal? Brianna Cardi beats think. Rihanna smells so good, really really soft, and I can't even describe what she's not it, but she's It was one of those things that literally left a memory on my mind when I walked like, what what does it smell like? Heaven? Yeah? What does smell like? Like? Dreams and wishes coming? When I met Rihanna, She's smell amazing and she just got off stage. She smells I mean, you guys, this is only this is half the video. It's it keeps going. It's just random people being like, she smells so good. I cannot wait to smell her someday. I want to know what it is. And people go, yeah, did you get it with? Uh? I did not. I wish I did see her. Oh yeah in the hotel that the Bowery Hotel. Yeah, she walked by, and uh, I don't know. Part of me thinks, so if someone's if everyone's like she smelled like they almost expected her not to smell so good. No, I think it's just like alarming. Sometimes you just meet someone and you're like Jesus Christ, you smell good. I'm trying to think of, like, do you like men cologne? When men wear cologne, do you like it or not? I like it. There's a little part of me that's like, what are they covering up? But it just shows I mean I think I think it smells good. I think it shows that a man like cares about his appearance and like hygiene, and like he'll probably have a nice like like ball and penis situation too. He is caring about like spraying cologne. And just like if it is everything else going on, if it's a guy that's wearing like disgusting clothes and also smells good, then I'm like, oh, he's for breezing, you know, he's covering it up. But if it's just like he looks like a guy that smells good and then he smells good, I'm like, oh that makes sense. But what was I just gonna say? Oh, you don't know. I'm I do not like cologne on men. I would prefer nothing. I would prefer BO, to be honest. I love the smell of a man. I loved BO, like when I'm in love or like I think it's love. It just makes they smell so fucking good. Um. And I you know, I'm on record as picking up dirty underwear, like not dirty as in like it has something on it, but like underwear that's on the floor and just huffing it like computer duster in a rag, you know, like really like like I want, like I just love it. And that's when I know I love someone as I'm just like mm, I want to get in that arm it and like get it. And I've really let go of, um, being worried about not smelling right down there or like tasting wrong or something down there. A because I've tasted men's faces after they've been down there and it's great. A. And I've licked fingers after they've been in there, and you know, I know that it's not bad. But also like even if it's bad, if the guy loves me enough, it's not going to be a problem. And I honestly don't let anyone down there that might that I don't trust and might talk it about me if I was having like a bad day, you know. Yeah, and even you know, a bad whatever, like it's like lasagna, Like a bad lasagna is still pretty damn delicious. Somebody vagina looks like the side of lasagna, like all the layers, like the wavy layers. Yeah yeah, yes, no more like like pasta layers, like the lips kind of resemble a layered lasagna, a vegan lasagna. All right, let's get to like, yeah, no, I haven't. I thought I was getting U T I the other day and thank God that it went away. I'm I've been blessed with not having a lot of um stuff going on. Like there would be times that serious. There was a while at serious when I would go to the bathroom and every day I would be like, there, someone is leaving behind a cloud of bavy bacterial vaginosis where it's like they're pussy just reeks and it like stays in the room, not because they put a pad out or something like, it's it permeates and you just feel so bad for girls that are suffering with that, And um, I would just look into your diet or I mean, I don't, I don't know if you have that going on. I hope someone would tell you, because I think that when you smell, you just you get used to your smell, because that's an evolutionary thing we've learned, is that like you get used to smells so that you can smell new smells that might be a threat to you. So um, that's why we get used aroun smell and can't smell our own smell. Let's get to top one bottom one. Today's category. Is I love this one? Nikki Candies? Yes, candy. I don't know why. I was like, gotta, we've probably done it before because it just seems like such a fun one, but we haven't. We're gonna talk about our top one bottom one candy. Andrew, can you kick us off with your bottom candy? My bottom one candy? Drum roll? Is it sounds like a candy? Actually? Drumroet? Sweetearts or the heart things that you get on Valentine's As, they're disgusting. They're like paste. It's like eating fucking uh. What do you draw with on a chalk? Chalk? It's just chalk. It's like it's chalk with letters. Get out of here. Let's start with um, the sweetearts? Yeah, sweetearts don't do ship for me either. What what is it about the sweeteart you do not like? It ain't sweet and sour? What about a shock tart? Are you not into a shock tart? That's sour or like a sour any sour candy. You just don't like sour. I don't for some reason. I don't mind sour or not sour patch kids. And I don't mind the lemon things the war, not warm heads, lemon heads. I don't mind lemon heads. I don't know what about sweethearts? What about a leedgehead? I mean I'm dating one and dating a sweeteart if you if you asked me, um, but yes, but more than anything, I I was thinking sweetheart. But then getting to the hearts on Valentine's Day, that's the shittiest candy on it. I'm not joking. If we did a top five bottom five, candy, hearts for Valentine's Day would be in my top five one of my favorite candies bottom to top. Dude, I love those hearts and I don't even read what they say because I just put them. I've made myself. I once ate so many of those around that time of year, Christmas. I ate so many of those one year, um that I was severely hungover the next day. I have had the further. I've heard about this, you know, in my eating disorder, communities of people being addicted to sugar and having hangovers the next day like a kin to alcoholic hangovers, and I never understood it. And now that I'm remembering, there was one time and I quit drinking years prior and I had not had a hangover, and I felt so sick the next day because of how many I ate and I haven't been able to eat them since. But it was like yeager, you know, like it like ruined him for me. But I really love those love no, no, it has I don't even read them. I don't like I I they could be in the shape of a piece of poop and I'll be like, did not have any color to them? And and have written in you know, taliban. Oh. I hate the fun I hate the sugar because it's like a tucky and it's like I needed to be like left. I like the stick. I don't like the I didn't like the sug because it was like it becomes like cotton in your mouth. You're like, I don't like it. Consistency is most of this with me, but for some reason, like yeah, I love it, sweethearts, so I agree with you. I do not like the consistency, and I don't like the flavor and I will would eat them is good? Um, but not um not my favorite? Noah, what is your bottom one candy? Okay? I just want to say for Andrew, uh, I hate sweethearts too, But what I hate even more than sweethearts are whoppers. Malt? You don't like malt? No malt for Noah? Okay? Um? Is it the consistency or the taste, the consistency and the taste like you know when they would give you like powdered milk or something. Okay, yes, it just it just feels like that, like I'm just putting that in my mouth covered in chocolate. It just grosses me out, Like funded for me gives me that powder of like it just needs to get wet. Why is it so dry? Like I don't like it? But um, whoppers do not there. It's not like pieces of powder. It's like a It's like a ball of it. And I strongly disagree. I love whoppers, but I do understand an aversion to a candy that's so strong like that. And there are some candies that start out the first twenty it's the best thing you ever eat than the last twenty like whoppers. For me, I get them when I go to the movies Fantastic first twenty and then they really depreciate pretty quickly. Yes, kind of like what's your bottom? My bottom? One is going to be very controversial, and I'm sorry to everyone about what Starburst? No, no, no, I love a Starburst. It's I would I would almost say it's more controversial, and I'm not trying to be um. Honestly, I really thought about this, and I go, is this your least favorite candy? And it truly is whoa Reese's in a butter cups and not Let me just say, it's all about consistency, you guys. It's all about consistency. I do not like I like the chocolate on the outside, but I don't like that it's like too cakey and dry in the middle. It needs to be creamier. Maybe I had a bad one at one point. Butter fingers also don't care for I don't like I didn't used to just just not like peanut butter um tasting things as a kid. And but Reese's I would never grab a Reese's. Now Reese's pieces I'm putting in my top five. So it's not about the races company. It is about the cup itself. It's about the inside of the cup being a chalky kind of dry peanut butter, and I don't care for it, and I don't understand the appeal. So you would want it more wet in there somehow, like caramel kind of texture, yeah, or just like more, um, more wet, like that dryness. I just don't like when you crack it open, it just looks I just don't like it. Um, all right, let's get to our I I can't explain it. And I think a lot of it's left over from my childhood. I do think that I've had Reese's Cups that I've been like, Okay, this is decent, but it's never gonna partly favorite. What about the egg? The egg egg? I've never had a reach his egg because I wouldn't even go there because why why waste the sugar and the calories and like the fat of in the process nature of candy on something that you just don't even like? And um, noah, what your question again? Sorry? What if it's partly melted, like if it's been in your pocket, and then that would be more appealing to me? Um, Just like Maria Bamford said in her special where she'll put like a protein bar in the um glove compartment and she goes and I pull out a protein bar out of the glove compartment, m fresh out of the oven. It just always I would I wouldn't prefer a melted one. Thank you for asking, and that is absolutely true. Let's get to her top one. Andrew your number one candy man, This is tough. I mean there's one that I go to the most because it's always around, and that's just the old school Snickers. Yeah. Yeah, But if I had to go by always around, I mean you're acting like I keep bowls of Snickers just around your bedside table, which you know wouldn't fit because there's too many cans. But why why Um, there's a lot of kiddies that are always around. There's Twicks, there's uh there there, they're in there, They're in uh, Walgreens and stuff. I'm talking about. If let's say you go to a golf country club, they usually have Maybe you're saying the candy at that is of choice for you to have in a golf club. Of those candies, Snickers is your favorite. Okay, I didn't know that. The specifying and then take five is fantastic. Take fives are with the pretzel Karl and there. Yeah, Take five is a trip. It's really fun. Um, A lot of different things going on there. Okay, Snickers, I you know, I think you're I think most people that have Snickers have fallen for the marketing that it's like some somehow like nutritional and that it's giving you like energy, and it's like it's better for you than other candies. And I know you're someone who's very susceptible to marketing, and I think you I think without the hungry why weight commercials, you wouldn't have answered Snickers just now? Is there anything potentially look? Yes, have you ever read a Snicker's label and seen what the amount of sugar and fat and like what goes into him? Just and by the way, I'm not judging you for having them, because you're not a fat guy eat your Snickers like you? Yeah? No, I don't. I I I've never read Maybe I saw the calorie count is like something. Yeah, yeah, I'm looking at that sugar more than calories and I just think of Snickers might be more sugar than you should have a year. Probably I just boring answer, But we're talking. No, it's not a bit so I think that people love snickers, and um, I have to talk. I don't eat candy anymore because I don't eat sugar, but all right, avoid it, you know, uh sugar, and I don't crave it anymore, even though candy used to be the only thing I cared about as a child, and all I wanted to do was become an adult so I could just eat candy. Like. I couldn't believe that adults can just eat candy all the time and didn't do it. It's just like I would go to them all and go to Sweet Factory and just get spend seven dollars, which back in the nineties, seven dollars of Sweet Factory candy was a lot. I mean that was insert amount to spend on on on candy and just eat those peach rings, the like little sugary uh watermelon slices, the ropes, the strips of like sugar, like sparkly sugar on those long strips that looked like you know, uh sport tape it. My parents love Twizzlers. They always had him on a ham and Twizzlers and goobersos are great. Um, I want to know, well, I actually love what I've never had. My mom loves rolos, my mom loves six lets. My mom's favorite candy is a six let. So if you have any kind of connection to six let's send them my way. Um. So, no, what's your number one? My number one? And I chose it as a number one because I can't find it anywhere anymore. Our cry baby tears. No, So it's this sour candy and it stays like what I loved about as it stayed sour until the end, like candy. Literally never even see these things. They look like tear drops. I used to love stuffing a bunch of them in my mouth and just like seeing how much sour I could take. And so it takes. It's nostalgic, and you do like you like sour, And this guy looks like you a little, and they're like like the old version of Bart Simpson. Yeah it does. It looks like the original Bart Simpson or like the original sketch for Skeeter on Doug. I mean, this is so funny that you like these. I have never heard of them before, and I am a candy connoisseur. Um, and I will get to my number one candy honestly, you're not gonna guess it, but let but but take a shot. I just don't think you know, this might be like the cry babies of like I won't get it. I won't get it. Okay, let me say before we just before you jump in comment, let me say my favorite candy is Smarties. Now before you jump in, I am not talking about the American Smarties. I am talking about the Canadian chocolate candy coated Eminem. It's a it's like a large Eminem with a thicker coating. It has pastel colors, and the way they crunch in your mouth when they are I would say s lately warm in your pocket is just heaven. I love Smarties. They are the only candy I will ever eat for the rest of my life, and I treat myself to them when I go to Canada. I didn't get any of this time, but um, they just they just nailed it. I feel like Eminem's in recent pieces the candy coating is not crunchy enough. This one is probably three to four times the amount of candy coating, and it's not hard to crunch, but it gives you a little bit more of a pressure to get through and then you and they're bigger and they come in these little tiny boxes. I fucking love a Smarty and let me just even say other Canadian candy that is amazing arrow a E r o S because they have little bubbles in them that makes them fluffier and like not as condensed as chocolate. I need my I like a moosy type thing. Um so smart Canadian Smarties are my favorite. Please do not send me them because I I really can't control myself around them. And what came first, the American smart These are the Canadians. I would have seemed the American Smarties because that might be my worst. Actually, I didn't even think of these American parties. No, they're like the heart. I like them. And I know what you mean by like having a bad consistency, because I don't like the consistency of fundip of sweet Tarts, of shocked Tarts. I thought it was a disgusting consistency like it just I love sprees though, so I don't know, I just I like, I'm never about the color of a candy. I think it's all like not really different, but a purple spree aside from you know, Starburst final thought, what is everyone's favorite color of Starburst? Andrew? If you say red, I'm going to walk out of the room. See this is the thing I knew you were gonna say. I'm a basic bitch with my Starburst, with my Snickers, with my life. I would have to say it's pink, and I am pink. But yellow is really good too. Noah, my favorite is pink, me too. Pink is the best. But then if you're going number two, are you gonna go yellow or you're gonna go red? Orange? Or like, what's another flavor? Orange? I went to red last red has this like very bitter grad Um. Let me ask you this. If we're going outside of the original Starbucks Burst back and we're going to like, um, do you remember the green pack? It was like more topical flavors, the watermelon one, the dark green one that had like the red writing on the dark green was delicious. That one's so good. Um? Noah, what are you? What are your thoughts on Snickers? On Snickers? Yeah, I can't eat it anymore? Like I okay, So how I psyched myself out of eating candy as I just read what's in it? And when I start to read of that I don't understand. It just turns me off from it. So I haven't had a Snickers in a long time, and now when I eat it, it's like two sweets, So I don't like it some Sometimes I think if you looked at the ingredients of your favorite toy as a kid and then a candy bar, there there's some mix. There's some mix and match there. Yeah, that's true, like in the same factory. Like I think the last thing for a toy is like to not make it out. I've never seen an ingredients on a toy. If you look on the back of where if you bought the box, there would probably be ingredients. I'm just saying that. I just feel like bat I get the joke. I like it. You're right, like they say, you know, when you remember when I was first starting about thinking about being vegan, I'm like, I'm gonna I was really broken. I always got the grilled chicken breast at a subway and I would put that on my salad. It looked was so good. The consistency. I just I was like, I'm gonna miss eating subway because they don't they didn't have veggie patty at the time. That the ones that I was going to. And I love the veggie patty, even though I think there is um like some kind of baggie patty. I mean, it's a kind of taste like that. Honestly, I think I did say veggie patty. Um. But I remember a girl saying, she goes, if you looked up the ingredients in the chicken, you would realize that it's not chicken. You can eat it. It's probably vegan because there's just so little chicken in that. It's like a yoga matt, you know. Um. I will say that, like if you're someone out there who loves snickers and loves a candy bar type thing, I have sweetness in my life, like you need to get off the candy to recalibrate, like what you think is sweet. And you know when people have desserts and they go, oh, that's too sweet and they put it away. I've never related to those people. Like that is insane to me that someone go it's too rich. M It's like there's never enough sweetness. I'm a sugar addict through and through. Like I love sugar. It was my first addiction for sure. Um. But I am now off show er and the best. I am a protein bar kind of like I am, so I know every protein bar and all the vegan protein bars especially. I don't even want to give this away because it is like the serum that I talked about, and I'm never going to tell you that serum again because I already said it once and I'm not saying it again. But this almost feels the same to me. But I want to help people out who are trying to break the sugar cycle. The best bars that are low sugar and vegan and taste delicious and sugary, and I don't know how they sweeten them, and then they're pretty good. They're like good for you. New Go Slim do not get New Go Regular because they have tons of sugar in them. New Go Slim peanut butter or raspberry or the mint New Go Slim. Now there's also peanut butter, but not peanut butter. Yeah, I mean, peanut butter is not the problem here. It's the consistency of the inside of the receps um and then the other one that is my favorite. And I hope this doesn't drive the price up of them. I don't know understand why I'm even trying to make it about like I have so much influence. There's like insiders raw Rev raw. These are the best ones, and they are tiny, they are low sugar, they are so eleven grams of protein, thirteen grams of fiber, gluten free, non GMO, three grams of sugar. Um. They are raw Rev Glow g l O raw Rev glow. The peanut butter, dark dark chocolate and sea salt are the best, best best. There's also a peanut butter variety. Don't love that because it's just too much peanut butter and not enough chocolate. Um, those are the two best. And you give me a raw Rev Glow peanut butter, dark chocolate and sea salt that has been a little bit warmed up in my pocket, and I I think it might be my favorite food. It is so delicious. There's cheesa seeds in it that give it a little crunch, and the chocolate melts in a way that is so like a warm cookie from the Double Tree Hotel. It is amazing that there's not a lot of sugar in there. And I have I I don't eat a ton of them because I actually try to have real meals now. I used to live on protein bars. But those are the best ones. And I used to be uh all I ate up until you know, a year and a half ago was or gain uh protein bars. It's like that was where my go to. I never ate anything else. I would supplement sometimes with a no Cow, but no cow has a chalkingess to it. That's not my favorite. But I'm not kidding you, raw Rev, I have to a day. I love them so much. They are great on the go, and they probably will satiate you just as much as like a Snicker's without the sugar. So don't get the ones I have, but order your own. Very funny candy bar story that I was just told recently. You know, baby Ruth the bar, the candy bar. Babe Ruth the baseball player sued them first, taking his likeness, and they said it had nothing to do with I love that supers likeness. Like he like maybe his dick looked like the bar. Maybe he was so riddled with uh, you know, the like different venerial diseases that he was like, Oh, it's not about the name. It's like the candy bar looks like my penis. It's the like h this weekend on the in the plane David Spade took a TwixT and put it in the toilet and took a picture of it and goes, guys, who left this behind? And his assistant Heather thought it was an actual ship. It was like, it wasn't me And I go, how do you think? I'm wondering do you ship? Like perfectly little rectangular glossy like with a drizzle on it that like, what are your ships? Like? I was like, I wanna I wish I were you that I would think that that was even a ship. It was really funny. And Spade goes, we're on this like voice Jane, and he goes, um, yeah, that was really hard for me to place in there, Like it was like you guys should have seen me in there. I had to like ship in my hand and then put it in. It was just so funny. I had a great deal. I want to talk more about that weekend. We're gonna, um, We're gonna have a great week of shows. We will see you tomorrow on the show for a special uh f Ay Island edition of the Nikki Glazer Podcast. So go binge that catch up with us and start that show so you can enjoy tomorrow. We're gonna tell you all the behind the scenes info. Um see then don't we cat and decre