Between you and Nikki, spending $500 at TJ Maxx for wardrobe is a fun challenge, she loves her little sis and when things go bad remember "it's FBoy Island". Andrew is moving his girlfriend to Chicago and yes he will play golf there. Nikki believes Andrew is a NBA, natural born athlete. You Heard it Here First, at least the little kids who got high off THC candies will have a good story, friends before relationship adds to the idea of no sex, Megan Fox is cool and the hurtful truth about the new Space Jam. Fanthrax gets a makeover and in the Final Thought Nikki and Andrew encourage listeners to take time for themselves and not to lie about it.
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The nik Nikky. Hello, Happy Thursday everyone, last show of the week. Don't worry, we'll be back on Monday. I'll be in Mexico with Noah. Noah, We're gonna broadcast from Mexico. I didn't even think about it. I mean, yeah, we're doing it. I got asked to do another show next week, um, and I said, you listen, I can do it. I'm trying to take next week off, like truly sink into a vacation, and but this I honestly would miss if I took this show off. Yesterday I had the longest day. And I know I always say this, but like I just I am not used to having a thing that I don't dread, and that on a day where I have so much other stuff going on that I still want to do this. But yesterday, No, it was today. Why do I think it was yesterday? Today? I have so much going on. Um, right after this, I have a hair and makeup lady showing up. Two hours of getting gussied up. Then I'm going to sit down in this exact chair and put on my laptop and talk to Access Hollywood Entertainment tonight E A bunch of other things they and I was like, oh god, I have so much to do. And then you know, just I haven't been able to clean my house or unpack from my last trip, Like I just kind of unpacked last night. But it's just my house is a mess. Andrews actually leaving town to take his girlfriend to move to Chicago, which I'm sad about but also glad that I'll have the place to myself to just you know, I don't know, do whatever, but I was thinking about this podcast in this morning. I had an Orthodonis appointment at nine twenty and I had to go shopping afterwards to go get an outfit for this press day that I'm doing today, because they offered me five hundred bucks. HBO said, you have five hundred bucks for wardrobe, and I just thought like, oh, they're just gonna give it to me, and like I can just wear something I have and then use it later or whatever, because I will go to like I'll wear five undred others worth of my own clothing, like maybe they're paying me to wear it. Um, But my assistant let me know, like only if you buy something will they give it to you. So I went to t J Max. Noah, Oh my god, I like, I'll get to that in a second. What I wanted to say was that I was like so excited to do this podcast. While I was like thinking about, like I gotta rush into this, I was like, this day, I would have a worse day if it wasn't for this, And this is all I need. This is all I need in my life. I said, is me and my girlfriend, Me and my girlfriend on need Marian, is me and my podcast. Noah and Andrew and my bestie is gonna listen every day. You don't have to listen every day. We'll catch you up. Um. Yeah. I I love everyone that listens every day and treats it like your morning radio show, like drive time thing like check in. I love that some of you just pop in when when you want to, Um, thank you for listening today, and um putting up with my voice sometimes my voice trying to be more like soft spoken and like last like up here. Someone recently told me I'm Anya and like my ex boyfriend. A lot of people, though, but some people that are not St. Louis In's have said that my Midwest accent is kicking right now, like it is back in full force, and I don't mind it. You know, it's not. I just tend to sound like my mom a lot more, you know, goddamnit, Nikki, Well, you know what I like the other day, some um my ex boyfriend said something that was very out of character, and I go, who is this guy? And how do I keep him around? Like? I said something like that, and I told Anya, I said that she goes, well, that was very Julie Glazer and I was like, I'm almost doing a character when I say that kind of stuff, you know, like who's this guy and when? But so is my mom? My mom is hilarious. God, my mom is so funny. I really like, I love my mom so much, which is you know obviously goes without saying. But you know, there have been times in my past with going through therapy. I was just talking to someone yesterday about therapy how it like makes you realize your parents may have done some stuff that like, if you love your parents and you go to therapy, you might like learn stuff about your parents that like makes you maybe see them differently, and you resist it because you're like, I just want to love my parents. I don't want to complicate this. Why bring this into it? And I went through a phase of like being mad at them about the stuff that came up in therapy, and then you go through a phase of mourning the parent that you wanted that you maybe in a perfect world, should have had. No one has the perfect parent, right unless you're trying to think it is the perfect parent my sister. I told my sister yesterday or two days ago, I really had a heart tart with her, and I was like, as much as you're impressed by me, you know, hosting awards shows and doing a podcast and having fans who are connected to me and all the things that I do that you know on paper, hosting a boy, like all these things that like, oh my god, my little my big sister Nikki has just turned into a star. It must be very I know how impressed she is and like, I could never do what you do. But I said in the same vein learn you are the Nicki Glazer. I like the way I am in comedy and entertainment. You are that as a um mother, like I watched her, And no offense to any mothers out there, I just have never seen a mother be so patient with kids that can be very, very demanding, and she um, it's just I just would never expected it from my little sister, who used to throw things at me in anger immediately, like whatever she was holding in her hand, if I made her mad, it would come curling at my head with pinpoint accuracy. You know, Gina davis archery skills in throwing a remote at my head. One time she threatened me with a knife. Um, when we were babysitting ourselves. I supposed to be basing her, and she said if I call the cops that she'll stab me, and she like held a knife up and like guarded the phone. It was very weird. My friend Kirsten was over and witnessed it. I'm glad someone bore witnessed that my sister was like crazy, never really hurt me. Um, I heard her for sure, Um emotionally and physically probably what we both like really hurt each other. But anyway, my sisters such like a gentle kind, good mother and her kids are not going to be like that interesting, you know, because they're like so deeply loved. But um no, they're going to be great. I uh, but what I want to say as I went to uh, I really got off on sentagents here. I'm grateful for my UM, I'm grateful for my listeners. I'm grateful for all the messages I got yesterday about the show with Zack Sherwin with the X Show. You know, that was a little bit of a risk to be so self indulgent in this story that meant so much to me but maybe doesn't have UM applications in your own life. But uh, boy was I wrong. A lot of people writing to me saying how great it was, how emotionally evolved I seem how UM. It was just really nice to get all these responses about like, Nikki, You've done a lot of work and it's it seems you've it really showed. I was just like, okay, good. Maybe I'm an adult now. I don't know. Um, I loved that podcast yesterday. It was like, truly, I just felt so much love for someone that I hated so much, and that what a beautiful feeling that is. I really love forgiveness and um, being accountable for the things that I did wrong in a situation where I only was the victim for so long, like there's no doubt about it. I didn't do anything wrong ever, and boy was that not the case. And I think that you can apply to it to your own life. Anything that you're like upset about and you go, I, I didn't do anything. Um there's always something to find, whether it's how you handle the thing that you didn't do anything to. Um, you know, be because I you know, I think about like rape and I go, I never want some girl to go, well, was my part in it? What your part in it is? Not like how it happened in in in, in my opinion, in any circumstance, But how you deal with it afterwards is something that you're in control of and can be accountable for, and it is probably one of the hardest things in the world. But um, you know, rape victims are very very strong, very strong people. UM So I read something today. Though I'm gonna go to tea J. I'm gonna get to t J Max a second, but I just before I forget this was this kind of helped me yesterday and today. You know how I always talk about like those minor moments that will just derail your day a little, like something that will happen in We'll just listen to this. This was posted by Marquise got Goodwin. I don't know who that is, but he's verified Marquis good Goodwin on on Twitter. He said, if you had eighty six thousand, four hundred dollars in your bank account and someone stold ten dollars from you, would you get upset and throw the remaining amount of eight six thousand hours away? Uh no, See, we have eight hundred eight thousand. Sorry, we have eighty six thousand, four hundred seconds every single day, So don't let a negative ten seconds ruin your entire day. You run this ship. Pay attention, and yeah, pay attention like those moments where I didn't even finish the story yesterday, but I got two coffees from my Starbucks. I had to drive to the second one I was saving for later in the day. Luigi pulled me in a way when I was taking him out, and it was because I had to put a leash on him, because I knew people were gonna be like she has should I put a leash on him just to please other people, and because of that, he tugged the leash. My Starbucks was flying. It's spilled a whole VENTI Starbucks. There was probably a sip left spilled on a carpet in the um little vestibule entering my apartment building. I went to the office, the leasing office, and I go, guys, I just built an entire latte. I am so sorry. And they were like, we're not going to tell you that. That was just put in thirty minutes ago. We're not going to tell you that. And I go, you, well, you just did. And I am very sorry. What can I do? And they were like, don't worry about it. Um. I felt bad about the new carpet, like soiling it. Um. I wanted that latte. I was mad at Luigi. I I got distracted by by anger. And then I had a moment out by the bushes when Luigi was peeing and I was waiting for in the poop, and I go, Nikki, you know what to do here. You weren't meant to have that latte. Something that would have made something about that latte. If you had had it, it would have made you sick. It would have given you some kind of weird energy that wouldn't have beginn for your rest of the day. God whatever it was, had to intervene and knock it out of my hand, because I wasn't going to do that for myself, right, So I I paid attention to the negativity, and I stopped it in his trucks and wasn't gonna let that because you know, when you go everything's going wrong today, and you start this like story about your day because two things went wrong. Let's say you locked your keys in your car, then you spilled your coffee. Everything's wrong today. I guess what's more, things are gonna go wrong because you're in a negative space. Ace when I locked my keys in my mom's car in the trunk and it was like this whole fiasco, I like, didn't I just go, I can get a lock smith. This This is not No one died. Everyone in my family is healthy, Like, this is not that big of a deal. So I hope when something like that happens to you today that really fucks up your day, that you can remember. And I did this yesterday on my press junket for f Foy Island. I go, you know, I was having the best time in the show. I really wasn't aware of how hard everyone worked because I was so protected as the host, like everyone was always cheering around me, and like I was having the best time, Like this is the best time of my life, and everyone's like I've been working. I haven't slept for sixteen days and like one hour a night and everyone's sleepless, and um, I would whenever someone would come up to me and go Nikki, like it's just like I don't know what to do with these guys, and like they think this thing and I'm like stressed and like someone was having a panic, as everyone does on every production no matter what it is, I just go, can we take a second here and remember what the name of the show is. We are on a show called f Boy Island. This nothing matters, literally, like the fact that we are acting like f Boy Island is like our end all and like getting so worked up. Yes, jobs are on the line and your future economic stability might be on the line, but in the scheme of things, it's f Boy Island. And so I want to start a do motto that whenever you get caught up on something that literally does not affect the health and happiness of your family and your loved ones, you just go listen. It's f Bay Island. Everything is f Wey Island. It all doesn't matter, It all will be forgotten. That thing that you got stored, you know, the piece of jewelry that you the ring that's in your family for decades that you lost, that was your grandmother's, that thing that you like, can't stop beating yourself up about you let down your family whatever that thing is. Guess what, all your family is gonna die somedays, so will you. That ring is just a thing that will end up in the ocean when the ocean's rise. Everything is a thing that will go away. Focus on what you you have and not what you don't have. And thankfully you had that ring for many generations and now it's time for it to be in a sewer or whatever. You know. Um, I did go to TJ Max that five hundred dollars that I was told about to spend. The only place I was open after I got out of my orthodonicis at nine thirty was TJ Max. I ran over there because I'm a Maxinista, and I went buck wild. I spent six hundred dollars on different Oh my god, if you want to get good skin stuff, go to go to TJ Max. All of their facial stuff, like hair stuff. I got two gigantic conditioners fourteen dollars each that are really nice, like you know, Salon brand Um. And then I couldn't find an outfit, Like, nothing was cute enough. That's the weird thing about TJ Max. They have like their runway racks, which are like, you know, hundreds of dollars, like priced down from under like eight hundred dollars to two hundred dollars, where you're like, okay, there's two hundred dollar jacket, and then over on this rack it's a jet. There's nothing in between, so it's either crap or like crap me to ginta were expensive crap made in China that just has a tag on it that makes you think it's more better than the other stuff. Couldn't find anything. All of the runway stuff was like picked over, and I wanted to spend money on the runway stuff to get that five bucks, you know, and so I just I went over the recks a million times. All the sizes are weird. I couldn't anything I liked was an extra large or like a zero, and I was just like, so I found this this insane outfit that I'm gonna wear for my press today to justify the cost. Yeah, maybe I might leave a tag on the pants so I couldn't return them if they don't work out, but the whole effort will be seen. I forced myself to find an outfit. I used to love the show called Um. It should have been called make It Work, but it was called Like Something for Less and it was hosted by Elizabeth Hasselback r A P two when she was um not a trump uh trumpy UM. But she did the show where she would challenge people to go to like a Goodwill or whatever like second in Store with a certain amount of money and then find the most fashion forward outfit and put it all together. And they had stylists and I just loved that. I love the challenge of being somewhere where like nothing is cute, but you gotta make a fucking great outfit, which is what I did last week at ted Lasso. That is more fun to me than going to a place that just guarantees that you look cute. It's such a better story to be like, look at what I did. So, UM, I'm excited about my dumb outfit today. I did it, you guys, I did it. I spent five dollars at Teach Max. Aren't you proud of me? Let's getting Andrew in here? Andrew? Alrighty, Andrew, what up. How'd you sleep last night? Buddy? It's a day. I know. I know, Brenna, your girlfriend is leaving town. You're leaving with her, though, so it's like kind of nice that you get to see her out. I'm talking about the hot sauce I ate in my asshole is killing me. Yeah, yeah, that's that's what we were talking about. I know you guys were both I forgot that last night was your last night and you were here together. We went over the Whole Foods together as a as a threesome and um and and there was there was an air of sadness of like, this is she's leaving town. She's lived here for a while. She's not from here, but yeah she's lived here. I think like almost six or six to nine years. Yeah, somewhere around there. Yeah, it's a big range. How tall is she? Six or nine? Yeah, somewhere around there, about forty Dersey. Remember Beetlejuice, They Beetlejuice. He's from Howard. How tall are you? He was like about I don't know about seven five forty Jersey. Like he would just always the funniest one of the fucker and I sucked that up. But know his if you've never heard of beetle juice on Howard Stern, you've got to check out. Just go to YouTube and just crack up. Um at his the way he talks and how fast he thinks slow. I remember they were doing, uh we should play this game where you got to guess the word and the person gives you guess gives you the word was window and and Howard goes still um and he goes still cell phone. He's so cute. I wish him the best wherever he is somewhere he went back to school, got his MBA. I think, Uh, so sad day, sad day. We're driving to Chicago. Have you guys talked about I know she's like in the other room, she's here about it. She hasn't. Have you guys talked about um like leaving or or is it just like in the air because I didn't. I feel like I didn't even know she was leaving tomorrow, Like all of a sudden, you were like, oh, yeah, tomorrow I'm going to Chicago. I was like, oh tomorrow, she's moving like it was just like any other night. But I think that's because you don't want to focus so much on an end you just want to be in the present. Yeah, I'm not one to like be like she's you know, I could have had multiple rotations with how I'm feeling about her leaving and stuff, And obviously I didn't do that because you didn't even know she was leaving married a little talk when you were in the shower or pooping whatever when you were doing. But she she's amazing. We had a great little talk last night. She's just I haven't seen it for a few weeks since we spent that since I first fell in love with her a couple of weekends ago, and um, just reminded last night, like how much I'm going to miss her, and what like a a friend she has been to me, even in the tiny conversations we've had, and like how there's so much more of our friendship that I'd like to explore and that I'm going to get to explore. I hope, like I'll be friends with her forever I think and and know her and when I like connect with her whenever, I mean I I really I would have I honestly would have extended the invite to her at this point. She's that special. But last night I was saying, I go. I was, we were talking about your obsession with golf, and I go, it's interesting that his obsession really ramped up as soon as he found out you were moving. I was like, I don't think it's I don't think it's a coincidence. I mean, you you definitely loved golf before you obsessed with it another time in your life. But I think it's nice that you are getting distracted by this thing that can fill the time when you might be thinking about her leaving or when she is gone and you have to fill the time like there's it was funny yesterday. I know it's funny to say that she was comforted by that. I think because you know, like you can be a little bit threatened by your boyfriend's new obsession. I go, honestly think it has everything to do with you. Well, I was leaving the range yesterday, and any golfer knows you think, or anyone that does something a lot to try to really get better at something, and you think you cracked the code and that you're on your way to be coming a hero. I literally three days ago thought I cracked the code on a swing where I literally was almost crying. I was almost crying on the range. People were looking at me like this guy, I don't know if it's about the golf swing or something else. Your fade. Yeah, I figured out my power fade. I was so fucking happy. And two days later I swear to god, I couldn't hit it to save my life. And I hit literally the yips, the yippie yips. And the more I tried, the more I tried to break it down, the less I tried to I tried everything. We're in a mood. Last night. It was like he was drenched in sweat. No, he hit six under golf balls last night. It was the second time he would wait, it was the first time. You are doing two days recently. I don't judge it at all because I am doing the same with guitar, like I I have get I'm getting new calluses and pains in my hands that are from overuse of like no one's supposed to play this much. Like my fingers are bleeding. You know me, I think, George Harrison, do you ever play one day and be like? Did I even um play for seven hours yesterday? And you know what, I've researched it enough that I know that there are days. And also it's related to comedy, Like I told you as soon as you said this, because last week Andrew's talking about going pro, which he obviously could do if he kept at it. It's it's without he definitely could go. I could play in like some off tournaments. Yeah, but you could like get I mean, you have the ability. We've seen it in this short amount of time, get so good that you're like really excited. So there's your naturally good You're an NBA, which I call a natural born athlete. But it just makes me sound like a dumb girl and be like there's such NBAS so, but you are. And I was like, you were so sad last night about like what had happened. You kind of told me, and I go, yeah, it's interesting, like you can go from I go do that with guitar. Like there's sometimes that I'm like, I could go pro whatever that means, and then there are other days where I'm like you should quit, and you go, I need to have less days where I tell myself I can go pro, And I said, no, don't do that, because that is actually right. You're right with the thing is pros. We'll always have days like you have no matter how good you get, because you know this as a comic that's been doing it, you're an elite comic, like you've been doing that long enough that you are one of the best. So you have days where you're like, I'm fucking Chappelle up here, I should have every hour special that they give out, like you kill in a way that is no one could argue you're the best at it, like one of the best up there, top shelf. And then you have set where you're one of the fucking worst. And I thought sets were literally I go quit comedy. You should never do it. Recently and I recently went on a TV show that I can't talk about where someone had a performance that was that wasn't as good as the other people that they were um like next to, and the person like had a meltdown because they were getting criticized for it a little bit like just being like, hey, it wasn't your best or whatever. And I felt like this person was going to go and cry and think they were the worst and be in that mindset. And I said, hold on here, because I knew exactly what that person was thinking. They're standing next to all their peers and they're thinking, I'm not as good as these people. I don't deserve to be up here with all these people that are better than me. And the truth is, I said, last night I was performing and I had a set. Did I say this? I go? I had a set that um the night before this show. I go. I just said last night, I'm I go, I'm the best comedian. They're like, I'm the best at what I do. I'm one of the best. Are no argument about it, And they all like clapped and we're like you are. And I was like, and I bombed last night. I just said that if you watched it, you wouldn't You wouldn't even know that I had ever done stand up. It was like I lost my place. I couldn't find it back. I was trying to win over the audience. I kept stumbling. And it's gonna keep happening no matter how good you get. So it is not about how good you are. It's that is always going to happen. So allow those moments to happen and forgive yourself. It's like one of those things though, it's like, uh, you know, the bomb hurts because you're like, I am good. There's something about I remember I did a comedy competition and I was going against people that were like, you know, three months in and it was like, you know, everyone does two minutes or whatever. And I fucking hated dick and I was like, I'm so fucking bad, and I was like, no, these people are so naive and they have like these jokes that like work, but they're not like great, they're just and they just don't. Like you hit a golf ball and you don't play a lot, you just swing. You just swing, just like in in comedy sometimes like if you don't do it a lot and you don't know the failures or whatever, you just swing and now and now I like, well, I if I gotta swing like this because I'm like this, and I'm like that, and then you break everything down, like with guitar, I gotta play like because this is how John Mayer plays or this is how Taylor plays it exactly, and and maybe that will get it on the way of your strumming. Sometimes with um with guitar. I recently had a breakthrough with guitar to the same day you had your thing. I was like, oh my god, I had one too. There's this part of an Indigo Girls song that I'm trying to learn that it's just like it's advanced. I even showed it to my dad and my dad goes, I go, how do you do this? And he goes, I think some guitars just can't do it. And I was just like, like, that's not an answer, and this she's playing the same kind of guitar. I am, how did she make those noises? And he's going, you're not hearing what I'm hearing, and I go, I know there's an extra note in there that she's hitting. How does she do it? And I finally just did it because instead of trying to watch her on YouTube in slow motion, I just listened and I go, how would you how would your body make this sound? And I swear to God, ever since I looked at the at the guitar as a percussive instrument, like Dave Girl said he approached it when he started playing after Nirvan and when he started playing guitar with for the Food Fighters, Uh lead, you know, he was like, I looked at it like drums, and it opened the guitar up to me. So I'm finding new ways to open it up to me. And there are some days where I'm like, I am so fucking good, I can't even believe it. My voice sounds amazing. I'm like, I'm ready to perform. I almost accepted a wedding gig the other day that my dad sent me a gig that they got asked to do. That was all Taylor Swift songs, obviously a Swifty getting married, and it was weird songs to One of them was a list of Affairs, which is about affairs. The other song was like they were all breakup songs, and I was like, this is weird wedding. Yeah, get ahead of it, or like try to tell your husband something that you can't tell him. Uh yeah, that's yeah, that's that's one of her head and um, but I like was in a good mood and I go, I go, dad, Um, I can do that. I'll do that gig. Just tell them I can only do like I'll give them all the Taylor Sift songs I know, and I'll do the gig. And it might be like maybe they're a fan of mine that they might like have some like if I suck, they'll still be like, oh it's Nicky Glazer playing it. So at least it's something, but UM, I realized, oh my god, that's what I want to do. I am um starting a Taylor Swift cover band with my sister. We're having our first band practice tomorrow. UM. I'm open to names that you could give us that are based upon like being sisters. Her name is Lauren, my name's NICKI UM that are also Taylor Swift tied in, so I will accept names. She plays keyboards. We both have been um like, uh, we didn't like playing music because my dad was too good at it and critical, so we both have never let ourselves explore this talent until we like became adults on our own. And UM told my dad to zip it it. And my dad is so sweet. He just doesn't understand why he's discouraged us. He's like, I don't get it. Only we're like, it's not just know that. We don't even know why. But we both have been terrified to play instruments and that's weird because we should like it, but there's something in I think it might beat you, Dad, but not in It's like when my dad. I golf with my dad and I instantly play worse because one I don't want to beat him uh. Subconsciously, I think you just don't want to beat your father, and you also don't think you could beat your father. No, you shouldn't. You shouldn't. Your dad should beat you. I always say that your dad should always be the one have a great joke that people always do, but it was it was one of my first jokes, and it was like, um, I love I love hanging out with my family. We still just do this thing every Friday night. We do family game night, and my dad always beats us if we win. He's a sore loser and we're sore winners in the end. I mean that's a pretty good joke and many players I might bring it back, but a lot of people have that like be me think of like like, uh, yeah, someone was asking me, and I think this is because comedians probably listening to this podcast. I was at the baseball Oh to tie back to the golfing real quick, I wanted to say so, I was so sad about not being losing my swing last night and not being able to figure it out. And to your point, like I think, if I'm hitting well, I'm not so sad about Brendon leaving. And then I was I hid so poorly yesterday, I'm driving home and literally about to cry and it's not and made me like my swing anymore to save me from being sad about her leaving with that, like, well, at least I got my swing. I don't even have my swing. The comedy thing, though, they go, well, how do you write jokes without um if if you know, because so many people write jokes out there, and then there's so much supply out there, how do you do things where you know will be uh original? And how do you answer that? Because I thought you start you could start broad where everythingone else you can start and then make it specific like you just know that the best way to check if a joke kind of like that like beat me. Like if I was looking at that joke to see if someone else had done it, I would just check Twitter. That's the closest place to check, because if a comedian has done it, someone stolen it from put it on Twitter at least and you'll see it, so you know. There was one joke that I remember my ex bloyfriend made that I thought was so funny that like Jesus is so fit, he must have done cross fit. Like I was like, oh my God, that's funny. It's such a good and I go, there's no way someone hasn't made that before. Even though that is brilliant on its own, it's parallel thought. He thought of it, and then also so many things on Twitter. But like so many jokes I've made in specials that I made the first time were have been thought of again in not because they saw my special. I never accused someone of stealing my jokes because like with the joke the game joke, I would say board, I would write in board game beat um bruise is or so I would I would I would connect those things to see if anyone and then I would try different things and see if anyone had made that connection um before. And what I would tell joke writers about that is that I know that you think your joke is original, but it's probably been done. But that doesn't mean that you can't still do it, because as long as you didn't steal from someone, it is still you can still do it. You'll someone will eventually tell you, hey, someone has that joke, and then you don't need to be embarrassed. No one thinks you stole it. Comedians understand there's parallel thought. I literally have stolen a joke from you. I've talked about this a lot. I saw Ali Wong perform one time at the Comedy Seller. I loved her set. A couple of weeks later, I was on stage. She's watching me this time, and I did her joke. We both have a joke about anal sex and yeah, and honestly it worked better for me. I thought, um, yeah, I said that when you have sex, it was something like, uh, you you like you at first are like no, and then it's like you let yourself get into it and you're like a whole new world. You're just like, you know, like, um, you know, what's it called Aladdin? And I said, the whole new world. She had done that and I and the thing is it came from a place that I didn't understand. I was like, where did that? I don't remember thinking that, but it just came out on stage and I was like, oh my god, that's kind of cool that I just thought of that. And I even thought came up with a funny line that was like, because after she goes a whole new world, he goes, don't you dare close your eyes? And I like the idea of a guy being like, don't you dear close your eyes? Like I said that after and I was like, because I was like, it's a whole new world. And he was like, don't you dear close your eyes? And I'm like, I'm sorry, master, And so that ended up being different than allies. But I got off stage and Alie goes, hey, I, oh my god, I have that joke, uh, the whole New World, And I go, Alley, I stole that from I go. I was on stage and I thought, where did that come from? I just thought it. I go it was you, and I go, I am so sorry, and and I think I said to her at first, I go no. I think at first I thought it was mine or something. And I made the mistake of being like, I won't do it on TV. And then I was like, wait a second, why am I even saying I would do it? Ever? And then I wrote to her later being like, I'm so sorry. I only said TV, I will never do that. That is yours. I took it from you, even if I'm adding some floors at the end, that is not mine. And so it happens. You're definitely gonna write material that other people have written and Um, it's okay, yeah, yeah, all right, let's get to the news. We skipped it yesterday, apparently we did. First Hey, everybody, it's Mike. Oh. It's Mike Oh, mikel Cent talk from v I. I hope you have a great weekend. This weekend, I know it's very great, but so bad. It's pretty much third day, if you know what I mean, which is Saturday, and you're having a great time in all the swells because every day is the same day when you're here with the Nicky Glazer pot. I'm gonna is doing this podcast in person with you, Andrew, I'm not going to be we might be apart for a while. What do you mean. I don't know. I'm just getting booked on some stuff that's calling my name. See. But the thing is that the podcast with us remote still work, and I could go to any city I want. I'm good with you. We're staying here and we're going on your swing and taking care of our coming to you that week. I'm going to be there. Yeah, yeah, you are, that's true. Um yeah, back to the news. Okay, five children under the age of ten. We're brought to a hospital from a barbecue after parents not as odd behavior the kids accidentally ingested unintended th HC gummies. I mean, look at this bag looks exactly like sour patch, but it says stoner patch, and the gummies have like like stoner faces on them. All these poor kids, they probably ate so much they look delicious. I mean, that's like a gun that like looks like a water gun. Yes it does. And um yet in there by the way, all these gummies are packaged in ways that you make you want to eat them like tie pots, and they're not tai pots, so you should not put them in your wash or eat them. And oh a child. I first of all, I would have loved I would have loved to see the first fifteen minutes of or like once they kicked in, I would have liked to see the first fifteen minutes. And I want to know what were the parents saying the kids were doing. Were they like they didn't get too into detail, They just said they observed weird behavior, So I would assume I would assume one of the kid's head was in the cake, another one was just laughing at the kids, and yeah, no, no, but it is funny, like one kid was getting a lot of work done in podcasting a lot, and it's like, oh, he's got that Nikki Glazer, Jean Mickey mantle pot makes them well edible edibles. Fuck you ups are so strong. Look at that package. But I mean, how much we're in each of those? No? What can you pull up that package again? I want a kid? Ten kids under the age of ten? Is that what we're dealing with? How many milligrams are those? I think those have got to be about five each? Five children under the agent and I'm guessing those five milligrams even one and what kid is going to eat just one gun? Five milligrams? Shut? Oh for the whole package? And how many are it means so they're five and they're um ten each or so there's ten of them, so they're all five milligrams. I'm guessing they were already open. I'm guessing the kids had between one and two of these, which is five milligrams. Is enough to make my My dad takes half half of five milligram and it's like I really had the best time in my life. Just that's a perfect amount for me. And he's six foot something and um, so these kids got left up. I mean it's funny, like you get high and you just turn into like a little kid, just like enjoying the world and these little past our patch. I would rather my kids do mushrooms than than edibles. Well, it's weird when you get high and you don't know you're gonna get high. So you know, there was a kid in college. This is pretty fucked up, but he he gave one of his roommate acid without telling him. Yeah, and then he pulled in Ari Shafear. Oh yeah, pretty much yea, And the kid had no idea. He went he thought he was going. I mean, that's a lot I think is that people think that's just funny. And sometimes I just say, like that's going to be the way that I do it, you know, Like I was just you want to put ayahuasca in your coffee? Well, I was just talking to the guy. I'm talking to him bumble, and we were talking about, you know, meditation and all that stuff. And I've gotten away from tea. I used to do TM every day to treat my depression, and then the depression came back. I got it finally treated with um Pharmaceuticals, Big pharma, and now I'm really into hallucinogens, like I either want to you know, micro dose or um do LSD or you know ayahuasca and have these like I want to do an ego death. And I was talking about that, and like, I do think I'm so scared to have those experiences that Megan Fox talked about that I almost want someone to just like drug might I don't want it. I actually told Ari Safire on Joe Rogan's podcast. I like said to Aria go, you have permission to try to drug or something like that, he said, And so I have not. I have not been around him. Uh ever, I just I think it's a really cruel thing to do, obviously, but not if you're asking for it. The first time you ever got stoned, do you remember the day and the whole build up. Yeah, we called it Debbie, our friend Debbie. I have all the notes to prove it. We were like, who can get us Debbie. We were like writing about it, Katie rap I'm not gonna say, Katie, Katie, there were some people that could get us, Debbie. It was freshman year of high school. We um smoked it with my friend Ofny and Kristen and Kirsten down in the creek in our subdivision that my parents still live in. We went home. Kirsten, um, I remember a motorcycle pulled up, Like we heard a motorcycle and we were all like smoking behind. It wasn't actually in the creek yet, we were behind like the subdivision sign, this big giant like, uh, you know, one of those big stone work signs. We were behind it. There's bushes and on at the intersection that it was a car pulled up, but it was a motorcycle and we were all like giggling, being like and um, I was like, it's a car, and Criston goes, no, it's a motorcycle. It's live And we thought it was so funny that, like we all knew what she meant live man. But then we went home. We were so stoned. We ate a bunch of but I was in control. This happens a lot with me, Like when I did mushrooms with a friend of mine recently, I saw her getting sucked up and I wanted to take care of her. So I just didn't let myself get as high, and I took care of everyone and I went home. We made Tostino's pizzas the oven at the time. We were like, we were patient. I guess we watched TV cursed. We all went in my room because they were behaving two erratically that I would thought my parents were gonna catch on. So we went in my room. We were giggling so much. Kursten went in my bathroom. We've swear to God, the shower turned on, she said. She claimed it didn't. Um, and that was the first time we smoked out with Yeah, the shower was live. Um. Yeah, that was the first time. But we really it's interesting it didn't it didn't work. Pen Bien with like, dude, we're I mean, we're weird our lives. I smoked out of a shampoo bottle. So we both smoked out of plastic the first time. Yeah, I think most people do. Man, I've smoked out of plastic stuff in it, Like everything is I mean what I smoke out of. Now I'm breathing in sometimes I you know, it goes through the pipe too quickly and I breathe in just the lighter fluid of the lighter and it's like, this is disgusting, Like this is not good in any way. And thank you so much to everyone who wrote to me about not having shame about pot, and I'm really like it helped me so much, it's continuing to help me. But um, yeah, it's it's gross. I remember smoking out of a red bull can with a very famous comedian who at the time I was opening for him, and he was like, yeah, I smoke pot and I was like, great, let's hang out. We went to seven an elevent. We got a red bull He was like, I have pop, but I don't have anything smoke out of. Let's get a red bull can. I'm like, all right, he knew how to make one. You dent it and make a little thing. It's so this is a story I tell on stage sometimes. But he smoked out the red bull can. We we got high behind a seven eleven. He was not a comedian that was like trying to creep on me or anything. We were just having fun. It was so awesome. What a fun weekend that was cut to like twelve years later. I'm like hanging out with this comedian at the comedy seller and I'm like, dude, I got some weed. Do you smoke still smoke weed? I remember working with you in Virginia Beach and like we smoked weed together and he goes yeah, yeah I do. Oh my god, yes of course. And I go, I go, let's I go. I remember you were the first person and I think the only time that we smoked out of a red Bull can, which doesn't think because you're like inhaling luminum, like that was so crazy. And he goes, oh, that's what I still use. I was like, I go, really, that's really bad. He's like an adult with children, and I go that's bad and he goes, yeah, actually, um, I kind of only can and I was like, yeah, you're addicted to aluminium, buddy, Like that's that he had the realization. They're like, he goes, yeah, sometimes I don't even need weed in it. No, you didn't say that, but it's like, literally is addicted to aluminium at this point, So watch out out there. And someone actually just wrote to me about energy drinks and said that they have found that they have sores on their tongues and they tongue and now they know what it's coming from. So um yeah, I would switch to something Lacroix after you get ramped up. Next news story, I love that one. Oh my god, those kids have a tale to tell. Uh. Study finds that more than two thirds of all romantic relationships begin as friendships. Those numbers were even higher among people in their twenties than people who identified as LGB t Q. With about couples beginning as friends, Wow, well can I I wonder though when that friendship starts, if one or both parties is just friends too. Well, that made me think about, um, not giving up the vagiant, oh yeah, yeah, but not giving up the vagina. But the girls not even cognizant of the fact that they're holding out the vagina from the guy, you know what I mean. So it's like it's building up, maybe not like on the surface, but you know what I mean, like he want Essentially, how the best way to get a guy to like you is to not if so everyone likes to chase everyone, no one doesn't like what the chase, and at some point you've got to give it up. And that's after you've they've fallen in love with you. You can kind of let down your guard and be more vulnerable. But honestly, Noah, even in my own relationships right now that I'm kind of like toying with, I've seen how well it works to not let them in your vagina and how it can transform someone to to looking at you in a way that is truly like, respectful and loving and like. And I am so scared to ever let someone in my vagina ever again, because might go away like I'm too scared. But is any part of you going you're giving? Look, I think it's are you giving the vagina too much credit for this? And I'm not I'm not trying to hate on it, but I'm just saying, the guy in question could be more ready now, He could be more understanding of you, could be more empathetic for you for for a myriad of reasons as well as not being able to be allowed in your vagina. But are you giving the vagina mirrored of reasons? I said, a mere con, a mirror cat, a mere cat um. First of all, a myriad. Everyone always says a myriad of reasons, And I just said, doubt it's myriad reasons. It's like myriad is like the adjective. It's like myriad reasons. It's not a myriad of which is I think that's right. We can look it up later. But anyway, like I've heard that many so you're giving me too much And you're right though, Andrew like a person that I might be like getting all of this from because I feel like it's because I'm withholding my vagina. It might be because of any other things that might be at play, however, the fact that I haven't let this person in my vagina and how much they talk about that fact and are turned on by that fact and reference it and are not like frustrated but like really like I think it's And by the way, I'm not doing at this point, I'm as soon as I'm ready to let anyone be like my boyfriend and like committed to me and like let's move forward, I won't have any problem letting them in because I will know if i'm if I'm still debating, it means it's not ready. I'm not ready. But as soon as I'm like, yes, I want this and I feel safe, I will do it. But I know right now that it's not bad for him. He's enjoying. He's still he's really enjoying. And honestly, I don't know. I might try a relationship where it never takes place. It's a good birth control. Um it uh, it keeps like it keeps it. So there's always like this thing that will keep it spicy and honeymoon phase of like I can't have all of her and um, it's just really it's it's been the one of the hottest things in my life to not have vaginal sex. I guess for me, I have fingers and everything else in there. Yes, I think, uh yeah, so you're the vagina is still being played around. Uh. My only thing though, is like if I had a dog, right, Granted I'm comparing a man to a dog, which isn't far off. Um, but and the dog only came to me and loved me if I was withholding food, not because of the love. I give the dog the petting, and I give the dog the walks. I give the dog just the relationship. These mirroad of other factors. If you will, uh, then I'd just be worried that, oh, they only just want the food. And it's like a mirror a myriad of food. Myriad food. Yeah, mirrion, your dog, ye, marrion, myriad marian mirrors. Okay, I hear you're saying. Can I say that, Um, I don't ever feel like Uh. The thing is it's subconscious and men don't even realize that that is Uh, you know what it. You know what it is. No, let me let me take this because I see you chomping at the bed and I think I know. What I want to say about the book getting to I do, which is all based on, is that, yes, it's telling you to withhold sex from men and in in an effort and by doing that they will like you more just as as it happens because of it. But what the book is really teaching you to do is not to trick a man into loving you. That's like my joke eats. What I say about the book and how I used to view it was like, don't be yourself so you can get a man. But what it teaches you to do is to respect your body and to respect the things that you that your subconscious mind that you can't control, Like you think you have, girls think they have men, and women think they have control over their emotions, and the truth is you don't, and you have to. You have to respect the fact that your body is biology really wired to get very connected to someone who goes in your vagina. So just respect your vagina and then when you don't let a man into your vagina until he has earned it, until you feel safe, until you feel everything in your soul is confident, and you can never be sure. Obviously you can might be doing all these things just to get the vagina. Then once he gets to vagina, it was all of Then you then you learn from that because that's happened to me before. But it was because I didn't actually do it right. I was withholding to get something and I wasn't withholding because I respected myself like that. And you know what he's you know, what he's responding to is not the fact that I won't let him in my pussy. It's he's fun to the fact that he knows no man will ever get in my pussy. I respect myself enough that not only because I'm not letting him in, no, he knows no one will, and that I am a woman that unless I am treated like a fucking queen, you're not getting that. And it's just and when you demand respect. I've been talking about f boys so much Fby Island. Everyone goes, what, tell me what you learned about FAY, and I go The only deterrent, the kryptonite for an f boy. They can they can trick you in in myriad ways. The only deterrent is a woman who truly respects herself, doesn't fake respect herself, which I was doing forever, truly thinks she is a prize and that this guy needs to earn her. And when you have that and when you truly believe it, which by the way, is not easy to come by, and it is not something that you can just like say, like you know, I've been saying, like I hate this like fake body positivity and self image positivity where it's like put a sticker on your mirror that says you go girl, And when you look at yourself in the mirror and and you want to say and hold your fat, go no you're hot, like that bullshit, unless you believe it, don't fucking do that stuff. Okay, just be nicer to yourself, but like, don't, don't. This stuff is just I hate all these women that are pretending like they've accepted their bodies and are forcing everyone to feel shame about the fact that they haven't yet. Because it's a long process that takes so long, And if you're interested in my process, you can always DM me and I'll go into more detail. But because I have actually achieved it, that is the thing that has changed for me, is that I think when when when this guy sees me naked and he goes, you're so fucking hot, I just go. I don't go like thank you like I used to go, like thank you. I love when you say that, blah blah. I just go, I know, I know, like because I know I am so fucking hot, he's so lucky to be with me. He's also so hot. But like I I say, I know in a way that isn't like I know, It's like I'm just like I know, I thank you for seeing it. Like it's not like, oh good now I'm hot because you said it. It's like, thank you for saying what I already deep down know, and I would know it even if I was fucking like if I'm and I don't want to say this negatively, if I'm fat, if I'm old, if I'm age, spotty, tired looking, I'm fucking hot because I am. I just am. My spirit is hot, and I just this guy recently has been so obsessed with my looks. The guy that I'm hooking up with that I'm not having sex with, he is so he looked said me like I'm gezelp and really feel like I'm in the movie I Feel pretty, where Amy Schumer sees herself as a hot like as Emily Rodazowski. Almost in the mirror. That is what he sees when he looks at me. When I look like horrid hell, He's like, I just can't believe how hot you are. Yesterday he pulled an old I D out of a box. I have an old I D. He was just like reading through this box. He pulled out this like driver's license, an old one, and I look like I have brown hair. I'm like, smile, I no makeup. It's a licensed photo, and he goes, God, I just I fucking love this face and this guy I he he is. He doesn't realize what he's doing, but he's telling me, this guy loves This guy is so in love with me. It's not because I look hot there, and like anyone would say that was a great picture of me. I mean, it's not so bad for a license photo. But it was just like, this guy loves me now because I love myself and he couldn't before. This guy was not capable of loving me for not because he wasn't capable of it. Maybe it was that, but was because I didn't like myself. I really didn't. And if you are out there and you don't like yourself doesn't mean that you should break up with whoever you're with that says they love you. That's not what I'm saying, um, but it really is the missing ingredient. And I will be fine without a man or with one, for the rest of my life because I actually love myself a lot. Next story, Megan Fox reveals that she doesn't drink anymore because she had too much champagne nine Golden Globes and became belligerent and said a bunch of ship. So she drink too much champagne. Listen to these quotes that she said on the red carpet. They ask her, where's your husband, where's your you know, baby daddy bro And she goes, he doesn't want to be here, he's he has he's a male ego and he wanted to stay home. And what did she say? It's pretty much that right. I was like, this bitch is awesome and she's just being honest. Yeah. She also compared herself to Alan Alda, which whatever she said something about being a tranny because they in two thou nine that word still kind of being tossed around, and she was wasted, and she was probably tired of being like said, she looks hot all the time, and she was just like, I look like a kind of like a man today, or like I look I feel like I'm wearing so much makeup. I feel like maybe a man. Like I feel like a fraud. Is probably what she was saying, because sometimes I have said that where I feel like I'm um uh, either like a drag queen or like a transsexual, because I feel like my soul is so masculine and like I'm wearing all this makeup and I feel like, uh, I feel like I'm lying about who I or that I'm I'm deceiving about who I really am or something. So I think she meant that. People I think have forgiven her for that, but her agents got so mad at her and we're like, you can never do that again. I can't believe this didn't make more headlines. She literally said, she was like, yeah, he doesn't want to be here. You know, he's a man with an ego. Brian doesn't want to be here. He doesn't want to be my date. He's a man, he has an ego. I think he's probably working on music. I don't think he cares. The music line is so beautiful in like, yeah, his little music, Like there's so much hatred. Yeah, they got in a huge fight for this was the precursor. This is what you're talking about when people start doing jokes about their relationship their partner. She was just being honest years before they broke up. Yeah, but yeah, I mean, well she was wasted and so and I love that she had. That was her bottom was, like I said, stup on the red carpet. That's going to hurt my career, probably really upset my husband, who I actually do respect his music, because she probably did, and she was probably just annoyed that night. I feel like, though I don't know me, part of me thinks like she was maybe hated him so obviously I just think she had a bad night with him. But just hear me out. He failed as a musician, he did, he put out an album, it didn't work well. Obviously always wanted to be a white rapper, and then obviously they had issues in their marriage and she decided to be with a white rapper. I see a coincidence, That's all I'm saying. No, I mean like that that is interesting. I didn't know he had tried to do rap, but like, also he I just see I have done this before where I've lashed out in like interviews and taken out my aggression towards a man uh like this, and I was drunk with like anger or whatever it was, or I was just drunk, and I've done it, and I think that can be excused. I don't think this was the beginning of the end for them, because I bet she could do this to mg K to like I'm sure they have arguments where he's choosing something over her, and like, I think this was just her realizing that when she gets drunk, the truth might come out. But it's a truth that she wouldn't It's it's not he when people go when I get drunk, I tell the truth. It's like yes, but you also don't honor how much you love people and respecting their privacy, which is also part of your truth. So I like that she got sober after this. I was really inspired by that. I wonder if she's still smoke spot. I'm guessing she does because mg K is a huge donor, but I would like to know, and I'm gonna be friends with Bag and Fox someday, Andrew, Let's get to our sports moment. Let's here's Andrew's weekly supports moment. That's maybe one of my most proud voice over moments in my life. It's just like every time I go that is. I just recently released an F Boy Island thing, whereas F Boys in the Wild. I couldn't even listen to it yesterday. I put it on my story if you go to the F Boy Island Instagram. I did this whole like F Boys in the wild. They're a rare species, and I did all this boys before and I worked so hard on it, and then I heard the first line of it and I was just like, oh, you flubbed this, bitch, And I couldn't listen to the rest. So go listen to that and tell me I'm wrong. But I thought it fit the theme of what you were saying. I thought it was very good it what was it funny? Noh? Yes, because it went along with like the whole premise of that video. Okay, Okay, I'm so glad. All right, maybe I'll watch it. My assistant Jen goes, I'll watch everything for you that you don't want to watch. I'll be like, you know how certain kings have people try things to eat things before they eats not poisoned. So she's gonna watch everything I do to make sure it's not poisoned and be like, no, you need to see this, or you don't watch this thing. And then she dies. Yeah, she dies from watching me on the view? Is that what? No? But I'm sure it will happen soon. They're looking to replace machine Gun Kelly. What's her name, Megan Megan McCain. The original Space Jam director J just build this one. He bashed the News Space Jam and Lebron in the News Space Jam because he said that, you know, with Michael Jordan. First of all, that movie SPA was based upon Michael Jordan's Uh, he went to baseball, and like the whole movie was shaped around Michael Jordan's departure from basketball to baseball, So Lebron filling in it didn't really make sense, even though I would argue him going from Cleveland to Miami was kind of like a departure that he got a lot of flak four um, so I think that that's in similar vein. This guy also hasn't done a lot of work since then. He was probably excited to do an interview. I'm guessing this guy had a few cocktails before he did this interview because he throws Lebron under the bus. Have has I loved the first Space Jam. I don't remember anything about it, but I think I would be He said, bugs Bunny looks terrible. The director said that, Um he said that? What other? I mean, like well that, like the supporting cast was way better in the first one. He's just of course, he was the director and he didn't get asked back for this one. I thought it was so funny, though, that he was so blatantly honest, because you never hear anyone trashing these big movies. I think he definitely had. I think he was drunk. I'm not joking you. When I heard this, I go, this guy is either drunk with anger, but he's I think he doesn't. I don't know what. He's worked on a lot since then. I like this guy because I like that he was honest, Like you're saying, Noah, but I think that and no one trashes I mean Lebron does get trashed by like people who are and he gets compared to Michael Jordan's all the time and he was asking for it and doing a remake of Space Jam, So who care? But I think this is just getting a lot of pressed because this guy like really went hard and like most of the time these interviews are so innocuously like pleasant and commentary that you would never even he definitely has a chip on his shoulder for a myriad of reasons. Um wait, wait, let's try to get right. He has a chip on a shoulder for what mirrored reasons? Myriad reasons? Good job, I could be wrong about this, by the way, you never are, so I um, I just love that they compare, like these basketball people. They love comparing Lebron versus Michael Jordan's Michael Jordan's versus Kobe, you know, and no matter what, and so there's a movie and so now this guy's like Lebron's acting skills, there's nothing compared, Like they could be like literally wiping their ass and be like, no, Michael Jordan's Michael Jordan wipes his ass up and down and gives a sick assist to his balls at the same time more than Lebron. Like this like feeling of like they're both incredible, Like why are we are? Queen like, what is it? Why? Why? Because what do you need for someone to have to be right about the top five? I think, Andrew, I think it's a it's human nature to compare and to crown a winner. It's definitely American to say winner loser, because we don't like things just being the way they are and accepting people for what they're able to give in the moment. And I think that, you know, even when you're on a show with other comedians, there will always be on the way out, people will go, I liked the first guy, the second guy, blah blah blah, then this she wasn't as good as I like. Everyone has to rate things, even me, Like after a movie when I'm walking out, I go, you know, that wasn't as good as the last one. I liked to better than this. It's like, you just gotta rank. We love it. And you know what, Lebron is worth so much money and does so many and he does really good things for the world, and so did Michael Jordan's I think and like, I love these And Kobe, of course, was like watching that Naomi Osaka documentary. She was like friends with Kobe and he reached out to her to like help her, and I would I get emotional just thinking about it because he just seemed I didn't really know how like involved he was in like young women's sports, not just for his daughter, but like to reach out to this young twenty year old tennis superstar and to give her advice about the game, and just he was also you know, he grew up in Europe outside of America, you know, both being you know, African America outside of I guess, I guess they're not African Americal. It was gone and I really didn't remember. We were on the train and I go and I wrote it was it was the first It was the first gig after banging out to It was January. We were coming back from Connecticut, I think, and you we pulled into Penn Station and I was like waking up in the dark Penn Station, like the Amtrak polls and it's like all dark and it was in the morning, and you were like, Kobe Bryant is dead, and I was like, wait it, yeah, those moments that like where were you? I remember that one, But I just want to stay with the Kobe thing, like um, I was thinking yesterday. Kobe was right before COVID like you know that was like he never experienced COVID. I don't know why that stuck out to me of like, oh my god, like this whole thing happened that he never Not that that doesn't mean anything, but it's just weird that that, like this thing we've been living with that seems like the most like crazy thing that's ever happened to any of us. Besides I would say September leven and then COVID have been the two big American things maybe jfk assassination, landing on the moon, but like Kobe missed one of those, and he seems like such a part of the same thing about mac Miller for some reason, Yeah, like why is that they missed COVID? Like why would we want them to see it? I mean, I guess I'm always like, what would they have said? Let's get to fan tracks. I'm gonna be honest with you guys. We taped an episode ester day that is all fan threaks. It was we went through all of our mail and tried to like empty it out because we are kind of behind on it. We get so many messages. So that is upcoming on the show is a whole episode dedicated to your uh, your thoughts about the show and questions and concerns and um advice. It was fun as fun and I love the sec Yeah, so let's get into fan threats. We do have a new theme song brought to you by Noah and her fiance, AV who is from a metal band. Right, yes, let's play it first and then talk about it. Featured in Oh my God, Wow, that sounds like your asshole after you had a little bit of tabasco the night before. That was how do you even make your voice do that? That was Afi, by the way, from the band What what band was he in? That was featured in VP. The band is called McGruder Grind m ruder Grind. We have a professional metal singer, Noah's fiance av He He was also in the movie. In the show Veep season one. I forget which episode Dan and Jonah go to a um A concert together because I think Dan's trying to become friends with Jonah too, Brian, some kind of bribe is happening. They go to a metal show and it's Av is the singer that AUV. Noah's fiance has been in my favorite show, and now we have that guy from veep Auvi. What's his last name? Call Away, call Avi, call Away Future, Noah call Away is his feet is now our fan Trax theme songs, So thank you so much for that. You'll be hearing that weekly on Thursdays and for our upcoming uh All Fan Trax episode that will be out next week. So let's get to the fan Trax. Let's see what you guys are thinking about the show and about yourselves and a life. No uh read it for us? Okay, So this this came into our Instagram account. Um Nikki Glizer, pod Hi Nikki, Hi, Nikki, Andrew and Noah Nikki. I just wanted to say thank you for mentioning your parents canceled trip to Greece because of your dad's passport that was close to being expired. Oh my god, my husband and I have a trip to the Maldives Soka, I know coming up, and because of your podcast, I looked into the passport rules and it turns out his passport expiration would have put us in the same position as your parents. Wow. I never would have looked into this if it weren't for your show and the unfortunate experience your parents had. I'm sorry. For them. But I'm so thankful that I found out and we have enough time to renew my husband's passport prior to our trip. Guys, Jen, I'll answer this as Julia Glazer. Jen, goddamn it. You know when Nikki told me that something good would happen because e J and I got detained in Germany for goddamn seven hours, I thought, honestly, Jen, I thought we weren't going to get out of there, and you know what, e J had to bring these goddamn pot gummies that were in the bag the whole time. They wouldn't let me get my luggage. I thought, we are going to get end up in you know, interpoll is gonna be called. We're not going to get out of here. God damn it. We didn't get to eat no one's there's one nice guy. I thought, you know what, there isn't anything good going to come of this, NICKI said there would. But now Jen, I know you you're gonna have something's gonna happen to the Maldives that is going to be amazing for you, God damn it, and I can't wait for it. And you know what, Nick, You're right. Good things do happen out of bad things. And um, jen, I hope that something you experienced in the Maldives goes wrong so that it can help someone else. Um, isn't it Maldives? I I really, I definitely I think it's mal Dives. I think you're herd No is a Maldives And no, she said mal Dives. No, she said Maldives. Definitely said mal Dives. Think they say mal mal mal Dive said mal Dives. I don't remember, she said mal. She said mald Dives. No, she said Maldives. We'll do it. Well, we'll find out afterwards. And now the listener is going to go back and listen when she just read that from hundred dollars, here we go, all right, so let's see what it really is pronounced. Um, let's see one second she said Maldives. I know for a fact because I heard it and I was like, that's weird. I was really hoping you wouldn't ask me to read that one, because well, here we go, here we go, here's what it is. I didn't want that to happen. Dieve's pronunciation. Let's do this, and it's going to play. I think it's Oh, it's connected to my goddamn bluetooth one beating my here, I got it, Maldives, Maldives. Well that's what she said, she said, mal Dives. No, she said, Maldives, I said it wrong. Well we're going to find out. And you guys listening right now, you know that I want a We can't go back around. You had to rank it, all right, So Jen, thank you so much for that. That is awesome and that is exactly what I'm talking about. Oh my god, can I just say yesterday I ran into a guy. I was walking Luigi. He was on leach. I ran to a guy that had a dog named Danny, very very cute, little beagle dog is a puppy. It's so cute as a girl to named Danny so cute. And he said to me, goes, are you are you wanting to take Luigi off leash? And I just he goes, do you want to take him off leach? And I looked at him like I thought he knew. I thought he noticed that I'm an Awfulee shirt around the building and was kind of like they all talked about me, like this bitch has a dog off leash, and so I kind of look at on my goat now because I really didn't want to, and I was like, why now they're talking about me like they know that I'm this off leach bitch and they're all like, she thinks she's cool. And then I realized he's a fucking bestie. And I realized that after I walked away. So shout out to Danny's owner. You were so sweet, and I'm sorry. I was very confused by you saying that, and you were trying to let me know you listen to the podcast all right, next okay, this is a voicemail from Becca Sweet. Hey Nikki, my name is Becca, and day went bestie. So I was listening to the podcast on Monday and you mentioned that you were at the Colony Hotel in Palm Beach Saturday, and I was actually on a date right across the street. I looked out the window and I said, I wonder what's going on at the Colony Hotel this weekend. He goes, M, I don't know, and then yeah, come to find out, it to you, the woman that I listened to every day in my favorite comedian of all time. Um, so yeah, I thought that was funny. But yeah, sometimes I just feel like this friendship is one way like it is, we could have got that spreak tam together. You could have let me know, Yeah you're right, but no you're not. And I'm not kidding you. I'm sad we didnt get to September super excited. So yeah that guy. Okay, this is what I love. I love that people talk to me like I'm a best friend that they just like missed in passing and like I I'm gonna try to be a little bit more um giving on our social, on our pod social about my whereabouts because sometimes I don't want to let people know because I just don't want to there there could be people that want to do me harm. But um, I I'm so mad I missed the opportunity to run into you. I love when I get to run into besties and the ones of you i've met. You know that when you run into me, it is I treat you like a best friend and I give you a hug like we haven't seen each other forever and because and I know it's one sided, um, which I would I would argue that a lot of my best friends who I see in person, they would also argue this relationships at one sided um, but no that that means a lot to me and I all that's why I love hearing from you guys, because it just I get verification that the people that listen to the show are people that I would be best friends with and when I get coffee with and I will eventually be doing that. Like I, I love you guys so and and you're specially more special to me than any other fan I've accrued in my life through se end up, through anything. No offense of you like me from stand up that's also me, but this is more me. I just want to say quickly, Uh fan Trex from Mark Uh. Someone you will see on the upcoming season of f Boy Island Mark Moran. He wrote me and invited us to a premiere party in New York on that he's having. We're not going to be there, unfortunately, but he said, um, he goes, Nikki, I love you to go. Would you be two of my guests this party? I said, oh, we're not going to be there, but I wish we could be, and he said ah. He wrote c O U h L no worries. He was saying cool, but it wrote no worries. See you when you come to New York for your show and hope all as well. Love listening to you and Andrew Monday through Thursday. At first I read kul and I'm like, did that auto correct for him? Because he was talking to me, like or does did he right? Like? Does no? I had no idea listened to the show. I am Mark shout out, thank you for listening to the show. You're so funny on the show. I got to sing your praises yesterday on the f Boy podcast that's coming out soon that is hosted by two hilarious comedians. Um, I can't remember their names right now. I'm so embarrassed, but I did a podcast yesterday about f Boy Island. I really recommend you guys listening because they'll have people and the host they got for it, which you never know what they're going to get to just do this temporary podcast about a show. HBO got to comedians that I know both from the Rows scene and another one I knew from Nicole Ritchie's uh Quimby show, but was I started following because I was like, this guy is the funniest person ever. So I was just so happy to see them and it just made me even it made me believe so much more in like HBO already because I've even been giving interviews being like they were so hands off with me in terms of like do whatever you want, Nikki that I think it was negligent, Like I think it was a bad Like it was almost like you guys don't want to say anything. They just trusted and just because they have good taste, they know that they're not funnier than me, so they're gonna let me. That's that's smart, that's what executive should do. And I and I really just shout out to those guys. And Mark marian I gave you a shout out on the f Boy podcast because, um, how funny you were on the season. And what I always say about you is that although your jokes, we took about some of the jokes you make on the second episode on a date, and um, we rape them and they're all like dad jokes that he heard along the way, I don't think you've made these jokes up. And we kind of bash you for those jokes. But what I wanted to say, and I said on the show, I think is that you're you take risks that I don't take. That if you embarrass yourself. It's so embarrassing, but if it comes through, it's amazing. And you're someone that takes a lot of risks, probably financially too, and that's what you're doing. Well. Um, he's very fast, like running like he ran track in D one. I saw him sprint a race a guy in the parking lot and he smoked them by like thirty ft. Go Mark. This is from Maren and it says divorced parents live next door to each other. Okay, good to night, Hey besties. My name is Maren, and I'm calling because in a recent episode, y'all were talking about how Adele bought a house for her husband across the street after they got to worse, and I just wanted to share that when my parents got divorced when I was in sixth grade, my mom bought the house next door to my dad, and I grew up with my parents living next door to each other and it was a super amicable divorce. So I grew up like pretty happy with this arrangement. And I love to tell people about my childhood and how that went stuff, So I thought y'all would find it interesting. Um, thanks so much for making this show. It helps get me through my s S d J, my soul sucking dusk job. Anybody can't wait to hear the next episode thanks by love it um. S SDJ could also be day job like if you're not at the desk or soul sucking standing dusk job, if you are saying to a standing dusk and s S S d J, um, thank you so much for that and what cool parents to arrange that. I think that is actually I wonder if the parents started, if they got I would just like to know follow up, if they got remarried, or if they dated a lot, and like the other parents looking out the window, like just like a relationship blossom, like that might be tough. I would think, yeah, but unless you really were like we're better off as friends and I don't care. No, it's awesome, Like dude, I mean, like I said before, like hearing that is so foreign to me, but so many like I did a divorced podcast I did like hundreds of and the common denominator was like, your parents can be divorced all day, but as long as they stay friends afterwards, the kid is literally could be better than ever comedian. Yeah, we'll probably end up a doctor like their father. UM, I did get UM one short one and from my d M S. I want to say that the girl that I told you guys about that hasn't only fans, and she looks like me, and so if you're into like sexy material from someone who really looks like me. Bentley with Luna Hill x one wrote to me and she said, UM, I really can't begin to thank you enough, Nikki. I got over two hundred new subs from you. I've been working so hard and you doing something like this is honestly helped me so much. I hope I'm not making you uncomfortable with too many thank you and your best and you're the best, but seriously, thank you, you're the best. Um. Thank you for subscribing to her Only Fans. I really love to support artists on only fans, especially ones that I find via porn sites that I'm like really into, they oftentimes have only fans. It's just a great way to like actually give the money and to like cruelty free porn and UM and also Luna Luna Hill x one. You can follow into Luna do it a solid though. Her next only Fans video, Can You Shave m G P into your vagina hair just to kind of get some of her followers fans of ours would be nice, right, And if you don't have vagina hair, maybe I figured it just grow it out, grow it out, um, and then shave it in. I think it's a good idea. And I will never uh you know, advertise her only and not advertising it l never. I will tell you to unsubscribe unless she does that. So that is a threat. Uh, let's get to our last thing. No, do we have time for one last one? That's pretty good. That's really good. Oh I thought she was playing it again. That's good. Whoa, Okay, this is from Nikola. Maybe the Glazer sisters just straight up by the way, I wanted to be Taylor Swift related. So it's like, you know how like they always do like its song, like maybe the fashion eggs. Oh yeah, maybe Hey Nikki, Andrew and Noah. My name is Nicola and I'm calling in because I not only have a mispronunciation story, but also a co story. The mispronunciation story is not about myself but about my friend's sage. She's notorious for always misspelling and saying things incorrectly. But the funniest stories when she was fighting with her mom. She was really mad, and she goes, you are the epitome of crazy, and her mom looked awed and goes, did you mean to say epitome? And she has not lived that one down since. And then my co story is oh my gosh, so ca and so cringe. But my friends and I middle school. We're trying to flirt with the boys, of course, and we thought the best way to do that would be to pull out a string of hair from our ponytails and to go around to all of the boys and ask them to pet our rat tails. And then we proceeded to force them to pet them. I don't know that it was not flirty, definitely, but I don't know. Making me laugh. I get some pretty bad anxiety and your podcast is my safe place and always gets me through it. I'll be seeing you, Nikki in when you come to Wisconsin, and I cannot win Nicola on my God. I love your name, first of all, Like, that's so much more fun if your name had had a like a cigarette holder. Yeah, yeah, Like Nick alah Allah means to the nick, to the glazer, nick, whatever your last name is, your name is nick to the blank in French, um Nicola, thank you so much for that. That is was the epitome of a mispronunciation. Example. Love it the kold thing. I do understand that, Like just like why did we do that, the bizarre thing in middle school, Like we put out our hair and said that. We did a thing called Guess the boob that I've talked about where we just took a picture. We had the first like internet camera ever. My dad got a o L you know, in semester took a picture of one breast each of us except me because I was too modest. And um, I just asked Kurston to be my stand in boob because she had the best boobs. And then we would send the boobs two guys in our middle school or our high school. It was middle school actually, like image, and we would go, guess who's boob is? Who this is, who's here? And then they would try to guess it. And that was dumb and I never did my own one. But um, I do love that story because you could have gotten boobs from the internet, but you guys actually went with your actual tits. Yeah, I mean, because we just had to use that camera. Was so dope. Um Brandon told me the song, uh a couple of days ago. Have you ever heard the tea Paint song where he wraps mansion in Wisconsin? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, you got the men and whisky. I love I love mispronunciation to rhyming a rhyme. My favorite one is in the Billy Currington song He Goes. I read in the obituary he was a millionairey love throwing on the thing like airy like it. I mean, that's fun. But Billy Currington, it's God is great and people are good. Beer is crazy or God is good great, God is great, people are wait, God here is good. God is great, People are God is great, Beer is good, people are crazy, is what I think it is. It starts with God. Oh, that starts with the God. I remember right. I wrote that literally, it's in my phone right. Look at I type in God in my nose. It's a great song. Watch this And you know why I look at it says God. I love this song because he meets this old man who cuts his shitty kids out of the will and gives him all his money just because they drank one day. And I wrote that down because I saw in someone's bumble profile and I thought it was just such a perfect example of just an idiot, but that I didn't know there were lyrics. I was just like, kid, people are look crazy. Saying people are crazy is kid? Um, yeah, people are. I've heard a couple of kids recently that I go, that's not cool. So let's let's just reiterate. And and by the way, I don't care if you're not right with kid. I just love that using it. Mark used it wrong by saying it's kid like that it wasn't you know what's fine? Kid means you're trying to look cool, but you're acting like you're not trying, like you're acting like you don't want people to notice, or it's an aggressive look cool, or you're but you're yet but but but the thing the rev is done like the person is not doing it to be like, hey watch, I'm about If someone goes not to reugh my engine to a bunch of people and then they rev it, that's not if they reve it like they're just like it would be doing this anyway, but they're literally doing it for someone else. Could by definitely is something that you do to get people's attention that you here's here's what it says, tell someone. Thing is if you wouldn't do it unless people were around, and you're doing it because people are around, But it's you're doing it without acknowledging that you're doing it because people are around. Cat final thought before we go off, you go off to Chicago today. You're driving Brenna there, Um, I am going to Mexico on Saturday. I will be broadcasting from there. Um on Monday. Will you still be in Chicago on Monday potentially Wednesday? Are you going to play golf there? Nice a lot of golf of my cousins, and I believe with Brenna's Yeah. She told me that, Um, someone and her family wanted to play with you and they were like, do you think Andrew would be interested in in playing around of golf? And she goes, he would love nothing more, nothing more than that he would love So I just love that she um is embracing your obsession with golf. And we go on the road. Maybe I could squeeze in a nine somewhere like the I'm so obsessed with guitar. If I had to go somewhere to play guitar and like couldn't do it in the house, I would be gone all the time, all the time. And the fact that you're going is because I have shame about playing golf because or about playing guitar because it doesn't actually contribute to my bottom like my money and my my career that I was active, um and so I always feel bad playing it, especially when I'm like Andrew, could you watch Luigi? Have so much to do today, and then I'm playing guitar. It's like, well, why are you playing guitar? Like and it's like, well, yesterday I had to get on a call, dude. It's for your well being. Man, Yeah, I have more important but money is yesterday. You need money to yesterday. I had five hours of of NonStop talking of being on. I did this show for an hour and a half, you know. Then we did a special episode that's going to air fan t Rex only that was about an hour. Then I did UM an hour f Boy Island podcast. Then I did an hour interview with l and and uh and then something else was an hour and it was me talking being on and not just not like people go oh, I worked a five hour day. That's nothing. You're like at your computer, you like sometimes get distracted by your phone I could not be on my phone for any of this. I was at some points because I just had to and got distracted. But like when I'm on and doing an interview, I can't be on my phone. I can't do, I can't eat, I can't Like the last interview is supposed to be on zoom, and I go, can I do this as a phone call? Because I have to clean up my house and so during it, I was like like folding clothes and stuff. But um I what I was gonna say about that was, Oh, before one of my interviews, I was running late and I needed to get like hair and makeup, and then I I got everything ready and I'm, oh, my gosh, two minutes till the interview starts. I'm ready to go. But I really wanted to play a song on guitar because I just was craving it so much. My A D D meds were kicking in a way that I was like going to nail this song. It was like, and I was, and I said to Andrew, I go, Andrew, is it bad if I'm seven minutes late? Not because I wasn't ready, but because I wanted to play a song on guitar and he goes, I think you just answered your own question, and I go, you're right, I'll get on right now. And so I got on the zoom now. So I played guitar. I was seven minutes late and it ended up being okay. And I didn't lie and say that you know, I'm not ready. I was just like, I need seven more minutes. And it wasn't a lie. I didn't need. So many companies they have ping pong tables in their fucking office, they have so many guys have putting greens in their office. Like you need a little bit of fucking mdirect to just be able to be great at the other stuff. Okay, So that's what that's I'm giving. Maybe every Thursday we leave with like a challenge for this weekend. To my challenge to you, listener, is something that you are feeling very anxious about that you were like, I have to do it for them, like you're just doing it for someone else, and you have to be accountable, figure out a way be late without lying, allow yourself to be five minutes late, because don't you allow people to be five minutes late, Listener? Don't you wouldn't if you would allow this person that you're meeting to be five minutes late, and totally understand it and wouldn't mess up how you view them like yourself. An extra five minutes and do anything that you want, literally pull up a TV show you're watching, Do do something that is so self indulgent. Don't lie about it, Just say can I'm sorry, I I need an extra five minutes. You're not lying, you need it. Do something that you would be ashamed to admit, but it's gonna make you feel better, and see what happens. And if you got five, if you get fired, don't blame us. You won't get fired. Five minutes will always be okay. And even if that five minutes is going to get an nice coffee and you walk in five minutes late with a nice coffee, that coffee is gonna make you better for the minutes you are, they're not the five. That five minutes that you took to get the coffee is well worth. And if you're an e er surgeon, don't play a Taylor Swift song before you get in there. And uh no, no, this is about you. And you know what, something good will come of their death. Maybe uh the little time in the Maldives and I'm about to win a hundred bucks and we go. Thank you guys so much for listening. Have all the swells this weekend. Don't be and um and and be coo if you want to listen. We all need attention and U