The Nikki niy Hello, Happy Thursday. End of the week. Uh God, I gotta be honest, I need a little break after this week, not from this though. Interestingly enough, The thing I always say about this podcast that I never dread it. I'm always looking forward to it, even when my week is insane and I have to wake up, Uh, you know, a couple of hours earlier to do this, and it's hard to get out of bed. Sometimes I'd never go, how am I gonna how am I gonna get my brain or you know, like around this or whatever. Like it's always, um feels good to to to get here and to start and to say hello to you guys. So, hello, besties, Thank you for listening to the show. Whether you're new or old or young or old, whatever you are, Um Thursday's show, We've got it stuff lined up for you. Can't wait to get to the news, can't wait to get to UM your voicemails and your notes and uh and to talk to Andrew because um, I haven't seen him all week. I mean, this is the only time that we were talking right now. Because I'm in Los Angeles. My roommate Andrew Collin is of course in St. Louis holding down the fort, playing golf, um, living the life. Um. We had a little uh a little we we like bumped Heed's the other day. It was so interesting. No, I just want to hear your side of things. Um he you know, I uh it's interesting. I maybe shouldn't even work this out on here, but I feel like I'm going to be fair about it because I arrived at a place where I saw what I did wrong. Um he, I think, and I won't say what I think. Let me just say my side of it. That's how I approach conflict now. It's like what I brought to it. Um. You guys know, I can be a bitch to Andrew sometimes because he's someone that I live with, and I can take my anger out on him. And sometimes he is so fun and easy going and doesn't um and allows himself to uh work hard and then play hard or just like lay hard. Uh and I resent that because I have this. Um, if I lay hard, I can't just like enjoy a show that I'm watching. I think about what I could be doing and how much Uh this is probably hurting my career, thus making less money in my bank account, which isn't because I want to buy fashions. I don't even think that's what it's called when you do that. It's just like I feel like I'm letting down my parents and my niece and nephew and my even though they're not responsible. I'm not responsible for them the money. I think of work as them surviving the apocalypse, like that is how I think is or surviving tragedy. Like if you know someone God forbid gets an illness that isn't wor by their their insurance, I'm like, Okay, I have to take this gig so that in case that happens, I can just pay out of pocket for it and then they don't have to stress, and then their lack of stress might actually lead to that cancer not metastas, mestastas, metastasize, whatever it is Like this, I just want to and it's like it's not my responsibility. All of this is ridiculous, but I just my need to work is not based on I want more people to know who I am, I want strangers to love me. It's based on I want to save my family and the people I love, and I also want to um make people feel good, which is like this new kind of I don't know like mission I have, which is I'm kind of succeeding at because I don't know, people have always kind of said, oh, your comedy means this to me, made me laugh so hard, thank you so much. And then ever since doing this podcast, I've just gotten inundated with so many people feeling better about themselves and feeling like they have a friend in me and all these things, and um, it just really means a lot, and like that's what I want to keep doing. And even yesterday I was on this show that I can't talk about, and like people on the show knew me as like a comedian and obviously and they're like, you know, when like someone expects something of you. I mean, maybe you don't know this, but as a comedian, when people have only seen like your roast compilations, I know I referenced that a lot. But that's like what has like really elevated me is that everyone these YouTube ross compilations just were everywhere there on Facebook. It's like what people have seen of me first and foremost, but it's just such a concentrate. It's like the best version of me. That is I took a village to build and so when I'm on my own, I I default to not that kind of person, which is like quick and I mean I am quick and funny and I can be that on this podcast, but sometimes I just am more sincere and that is more naturally to me than being like roasty. So yesterday on the set, I was just like so sincere and like I think. But the thing is it might have disappointed people of like, oh, we wanted her to be like more roasty and jokey and um, you know, uh quick witted, which I obviously was. But I, um, I don't feel like anyone's disappointed because in the end, I brought something to the show like that. Uh it was. It was like an amazing, amazing episode of the show I shot, and the show has been around a while, and I just felt it from the host all the way down to you know, the crew of you know you treated this like, um, like you were a super fan of the show. And I admitted even to the you know I told you yesterday. I admitted to the producers that I had never seen the show, which they were a little taken aback by it first, and then they like understood, It's just honesty. Sometimes people are like you don't need to be that honest. But I just think if you don't say that, it's assumed you've seen the show, and I don't want anyone to assume that. And honestly, it's a better story then I've seen the show and I'm a fan, which would be a lie. It's a better story to say I have never seen it. I also have never seen all of these shows that are critically acclaimed, so it doesn't speak anything of your show. And also, now that I've seen the clips of your show, I'm such a huge fan and like, I'm so honored to be here and I know what I've been missing. It was like the truth speaks more. And even if I didn't have time to watch the clips, let's say I didn't have time to do my research and I go into the show and I've agreed to the show that I should have seen. By this point, it's been on for a while, it has been critically acclaimed since the get go. I could go in and just say, listen, i've never seen this show. I'm so glad you guys asked me, and I said yes, because I know how what a big deal it is, and I want to just walk it. I just wanna I maybe should don't belong here because I haven't seen it, and maybe you guys assumed that I had seen it, but um, I that was not part to the contract. So like, I didn't do anything dishonest by saying yes to this, And I can't wait to live this show in the moment and and see it for the first time right now. Okay, that's honest, and maybe we'll get something special out of it that you wouldn't get out of it if I had seen it a bunch, you know, or lied and said because I've done that before, you guys, you have to. I mean, you're probably doing it today at some point where someone set you up for a question and you go, oh, yeah, I saw that, or like you just give them what they want in the moment. It's it's and you won't get caught for it. No one's gonna call you out for it. It's very rare that someone follows up and goes, oh, what was your favorite episode? Oh tell me a plot point that you and and this is about anything it could be about. Um, you know, I'm trying to give it any kind of like kind of example of someone you'd run into at the at the grocery store. I remember one time one of my favorite Amy Schumer moments was and this is all based upon her, by the way, like this, this kind of honesty I've been witnessing, I witness from her for since I first met her. And we were at lunch one time and this woman came up and she and Amy was like probably at my level of fame at this point where people from her past were coming in and kind of being like more friendly with her than they actually had been, or just showing a little bit more interest. So I remember this woman came up to our table and was like a p and Amy was like, oh hi, just like normal response, not as excited, but like a normal response like Hi, good to see you, Oh my gosh, and like kind of just giving the woman exactly what she deserved, which is like oh hello, like not like oh my god, because why why match this? Just you don't have to match someone's enthusiasm if you don't feel it. And um, and I remember even noting it at the moment, being like this is making me awkward because this woman is so excited. Amy's just being normal, and it's like this woman probably feels sad and I was just like, no, this woman should feel weird because she's coming in way too strong and and of course I didn't know that at the time, but looking back, and then and then the woman goes talking about her son and something, and she goes and you know, he just put out that web series or blah blah blah whatever. And I think you've heard this story though I've told it before because it was like so amazing to me. And she goes and she goes, um, and and you know, John just put out the web series and everyone's loving it, and and Amy goes, yeah, I saw it and just left that. Okay, that is that's massive. I don't even know if I could be that honest because the truth, what the truth was, is that Amy probably didn't like what she saw right like, but she wasn't gonna lie and say I loved it, which is what I would have said even now, even right now as this like I'm so honest, I would have just been like, yeah, I saw her. It was really I try to be honest. I would be like it was colorful or whatever. It was like it was five minutes um and I watched all of it, or or he looked great or you know whatever, something true about it. That's what Sam Harris would say. Find something true that you can say that isn't you don't have to be mean. But Amy wasn't mean. She just said I saw it and then left it and the woman it sat in the air like it was like COVID in the air, like just we all held our breath and we're like, like, I felt so awkward because this woman was just waiting for the next fake compliment to come out and Amy and she just goes I saw it and just held it and I was like, oh my god, like I and then the woman finally walked away, and I was like, I just witnessed something that I've never seen before, which was just like, you didn't give her what she wanted. Um, it's not like you were mad at this woman, but you saw it and you didn't have anything nice to say, and that's all you need to say. I would have said if I didn't like it, I would have said I didn't see it, you know what I'm saying. Like, but Amy just told the truth, and I just thought that was like a moment where Amy could sit in that and be honest and not one of people please, and I think that gets you really far in life. And Amy's not someone who like she's just honest and I just always liked that. But um so, anyway, yesterday though, it was really cool, like I just felt like I made a lot of friends and hopefully the show will have me back. And it was just an honor to be there. And the set moves so quickly. Shout out to the A D I can't even say who you're like, shout out to the crew, um, anyone who I came across yesterday. Everyone was so helpful. I took home so many tampons. I'm sorry, I I I'm not gonna lie. I spent money to do the show. I literally you know. I know the budget, the budget for this. They spend the money in the right places of the show. It looks fucking nice. Don't don't spend your money on talent. I don't even need money, Like it was a gift to be on the show. I'm not complaining when I say that, because I did say it on camera yesterday. I was like, I because someone told me I looked amazing, and I go listen. I didn't funk around with the show. I I lost money to be here because I wanted to look amazing and I respect everything and everything you guys do and have accomplished. I'm just grateful to be here and and i just want to say that everyone there. I made my money back in tampons, is what I'm saying. I Uh, some girl came by my trailer and brought me a tupperware container of tampons that I was supposed to maybe take three from. Oh I I took a lot and I was like this might get back to that. And then I took a couple of z vs that I didn't drink. I took a couple of talking Reins, which is the knockoff Lacroix. I was filling my backpack with snacks that they left in the trailer for me, but like that's kind of low class to do that, and the show is a classy show. Um, so I felt a little bit like gross about that, But I just want to get honest about it, Like I definitely took things that were for me, maybe not all the tampons. Can I just say, let's all talk, you know what? Can I bring you in on a tampon talk really quick? Let's do a little t t um sure, Okay, these tampons, I guess it's play text. Do you know there's some tampons when you put them in, let's talk about Tampax brand, ladies, men earmuffs. Just kidding, this is good for you to know. To Tampex brand, when you put them in and after you pull them out, they stay long, they stay the shape they went in. Let's kid, we agree on that. Whereas the play text ones, you put them in and they come out in a little ball like they somehow they're smaller, and so they turn shape shift, they shape shift and they turn into a little ball, and I don't like that little ball like gets bigger. They saturate and then they get really small. They get smaller than they even were, whereas the Tampex brand stays the same shape. Um play text. I love them, I trust them. I will always use a play text. They come in like little pink, cute packages. I think these are the sporty ones. So they turned into a tennis ball in your vagina, I guess, but it really it turns into a little I guess, a ping pong ball or what's like a small ball that's like more weighted. Dude, I honestly, I lost one of me today. I was about to put a new one in, and I went up just to be like, what, there's nothing there that's weird. I don't remember taking one out, and I go, but I don't there's Let me just keep going because the balls sometimes you can get lost. And I went up there and I found one so high up that I had to use my middle finger to claw it out because the strings somehow got up there. I think I might have two up there. I'm not even kidding you. I have to like, I didn't put another one in because I go, I have a feeling I have another one in me because these goddamn things turn into balls and the string gets pushed back when I wipe my ass, so it goes back. My my string goes back, and I go, I can't find the string, but it's so tight against the back side of the whole my vaginal hole that I just I'm feeling, and I go, I don't even feel straight, like I just don't like Playtex brand. And I'm sorry, um, And I want to know if any other girls feel the same way. I love ob tampons. Those go up a ball, they come out a ball. They're trustworthy. You don't need an applicator. Girls, If your tampon falls out of the Apple plastic applicator and you go, oh, I have to open a new one, don't open a fucking new one. Take the fucking tampon that came out and shove it up and make sure the string is still hanging out right. But like, applicators are really unnecessary. They make it easier because so you can like shoot it and you can feel like you're giving yourself a vaccine, but completely unnecessary, and you can just use obie and shove it up with your finger. Uh no, thoughts I prefer are the tampacs pearl that's my favorite one. Yeah, the ones that are like have the shiny string made out of pearl. Yeah, they're very classical. Um, but what about like, have you ever used the free ones that they give women in bathrooms where it's like a cardboard Hell yeah, and you push it through the cardboard. I was like, it's kind of like what you said with the O B where I was like, how am I going to put this in there? But it's actually easy. I just need that like push contraption. Yeah, that hardboard ones have that it's the push. Yeah. Yeah, but I was always afraid to use those because I thought it would like stick to my walls or something. Yeah. They are a little bit like more when you put them in there, not as like glidy because it's not plastic. But the don't be scared of those um as. It sounds like you're not. But yeah. Also, I never used pads because I didn't get my parent until I was about sixteen, and all of my friends had already gotten their period, and they had already walked me through much like kissing a boy. I had heard everything that could happen, so I was like ready to do it by the time it happened me because my friends had showed me taught me. So when I got a period, I was like my aunt Lynn on a speedboat in when I witness her putting in a tamp on. She just pulled her suit to the side and was like inject and I was like, what the hell was That was so fast and like cool. I was like my first period. I was just like blase about. I was like, oh, this old thing all right? Burned back to the movie theater because it started at a movie that I went to go see a plus frontnet and when I was sixteen, on the day after I went to a Dave Matthews concert. But and I think he set it off because I was like ovulating during the show. So, um, but pads, I skipped pads. Pads. However, I'm loving pads now. I love a good pad because, uh, they just absorb everything. I always thought pads were like gross and like you can just bleed all in the tab plad all day and yeah, it's gonna like maybe start sinking or something and be like a little like, I don't I don't mind it. I think I'm gonna be okay with diapers when I get older. I was kind of like comforted by pads, and um, so I love pads. I'll gladly take a bad I used to like scoff at them. Fun fact in Thailand when I was visiting there, they do not use tampons in Thailand. They don't even know what they are. I went to the front desk of our hotel to ask for some and I go to have the tampons and I remember the Thai woman was like what like confused but spoke English, and I go, you know, tam like maybe she was like a little bit bad at English, but I go, you know, tampon, and I did like the mime did like going into myself, and she was just like what like she was very confused, and she goes, oh no, no, no, no, no, like a ghast that I was. And I was like, okay, and I was like, I'll just go to seven eleven. They had seven elevens there where a lot of straight dogs were hanging out. So I went to I saw the funniest thing by the way of my life when I was going to a seven eleven in Thailand, in Pouquette, Thailand in two thousand, du it doesn't matter. I saw me and my boyfriend at the time saw a dog, a straight dog, humping a bag of garbage. And it was just the funniest visual And it could be if if if I would have taken a picture of it or like video, it would be like a famous meme because it would just be like, you know, like a guy at the club when he has beer goggles or so you know what I mean, Like it would be like some It was so funny anyway that I went to that seven tampons no tampons in Thailand because they don't. I looked into it. They don't believe you should hold on your onto your blood inside you. Like that's like you need to get rid of it. It makes so much sense. And um, that's why there's more shark attects in Thailand because they're just bleeding out. Um, that's not true. It is shark week, and so they don't use them. They only use pads. And I thought that was very interesting because we are just like holding onto our blood all day inside of us. And it's a little sorry for the tampon, actually not sorry, not sorry at all, thank you for your patients. During the ted the tampon, I almost aid ted duck. That's the new thing. Instead of saying sorry, you say thank you for your patients. I'm still I still like sorry, I'm sorry. I don't like this whole train of like, never say sorry. Stop saying sorry. Girls always say sorry, I'm sorry sometimes and that's okay. But a new way to phrase it is to say thing you for your patients, or if you're like I'm sorry, i'm late, thank you for your patients. I'm sorry bumped into thank you for allowing me to elbow you in the solar plexus um, and thank you for allowing me to do tampon talk. Let's get Andrew in your What up? Andrew? What's going on? You know? Not much? Um? I how's how did you sleep last night? I slept good. I hung out with your brother in law. We uh, we had a really good time. I went your brother in law. I thought you meant Tim. Oh wait, because if I married Chris it would be my brother in law. But you met Matt, my actual brother in law. I thought you meant my ex boyfriend's brother, which for some reason I was like, oh yeah, my brother in law. Um. I went and played softball with him. And isn't Matt the best? I mean, this guy. I've been talking about him for years and trying to get, like, to get people to understand my brother in law. My sister found such a goddamn Jim. He's so fucking funny, so fun He's just like one of us. He's a he's a bestie. He's just like non jungremental hilarious. I sent you the slow motion of his bare ass that he did over Christmas where he shook his like fat and he has this like fat ass even though he's a skinny lanky, tall guy and he shook his ass and you could see it in slow motion. It's the most vulnerable thing ever. And we like he showed my dad like he's just like down for funny, gross stuff and like there was one he gave. There's a video of him where uh Harlow who's now four, was a baby and sitting on my dad's lap, and he was and Matt was wearing a spandex um onesie because we ran a race that morning, and he pulled he was pulled it up so it was like borre at, like camel toe, and he started. My mom is making Thanksgiving dinner in the kitchen next to us, and he starts gyrating and gives my dad a gives his son and my dad a lap dance in the spandex and I was just like, I can't believe this person exists. Like no one, no one is that free unless you're like a comedian around comedians, at least in my experience. Last night, we were. First of all, everyone on his team was kind of a similar vibe. They all know they suck. It's funny to be on a team because I'm pretty competitive. They all know they're gonna lose before the game starts and they playing other guys right what they're playing other? Like you're playing who are you playing against? We're playing each other? No? No, no, no, like another guy team, like a bunch of plumber guys who were really good, who all played baseball, probably in college. So we knew we were gonna lose. And at one point I think we lost the first game fourteen nothing and I heard my hamstring running five ft, which was great. And then the second game scoring any runs and Matt is like, uh, Mac goes, show my dick if we score a run, and sure enough, we scored a run and they go, Matt, we've already seen your dick. We don't need I mean this is honestly, I'm shocked. I've never seen that stick and I feel like that's something that um, that's the one. Yeah, I mean it was to be out there. I mean they friends too. Yeah, I mean you're one of them and you're yeah, I'm so glad. I'm so glad. They're all did you meet bart? I met ten guys. You're bad with names, but yeah, okay, yeah, that's a lot. Two of the guys went to school with Lauren the go to Perkwood years. Yeah, probably Scott and someone else. Yeah, and Paul. Yeah, I'm glad we did something social with people my family. That's so fun. It was funny. Yeah, I know I'm living like a St. Louis life morning like you like, I'm part of your family and you're in l A And I'm just sick here. St. Louis. Please live it up. You know, I'm not playing softball with anyone. Um. He always that's always the one that like I go over just to drop something off, like a dog leash or something. He'll be like, hey, do you want to run a marathon tomorrow? I'm just like gonna run one. And I'm just like, know what he's doing. He's doing a canoe race. Yeah. He does fourteen ers in Colorado, which are like these mountains that you there's fourteen mountains that are some elevation or something if you know mountain nearing you know this, and uh, he's done like twelve of them and he it risks his life. And I'm always like, you have children, you're not my mom, and I go, You're not allowed to go on this. This is too dangerous. We've seen the footage. It's like you're you're gonna die, he is alleged ed. He's so funny and I'm gonna I'm gonna post on our I'm going to post on our account the video of him giving a lap dance to my dad and his son. I found it and I will post it so that you as right now can go and watch it because it's so funny. He's not wearing a onesie like I thought, but it's as close as as I was close. What I love about Matt is like he's doing this three forty canoe races, like the longest canoe, but he would never he brings it up like I don't even know why I'm doing it as opposed to so many other people. If you're like a mountaineer, like a personality, that would be like yeah, yeah, not at all. And he was really good at softball last night, and and uh, we just had so much fun. And then it was interesting though, because Brenna was coming over and I and I got asked to play softball after we already had plans, and I was so nervous about telling her to like maybe delay the plans because I'm just used to people like X is like being like what how could you and she was so cool about it, and I'm expecting I'm so nervous. Yeah, well yeah, two xes, I know, but one of them didn't even like you, and the other one I feel like I guess that one was the later one was the one you were scared to disappoint and get one didn't really talk to you. Yeah, yeah, she didn't. College one was like yeah, I would have been like, oh good, do anything else? But you guys never even had plans. Yeah. Yeah, Um. I just want to shout out to if you're going to St. Louis, My Matt, the coolest guy in the world. He does big money adventures, which is like, if you're an outdoors person and you want to go to St. Louis and plan a trip and I don't know, maybe come just run into me and Andrew around town. There was someone actually at the baseball game that we went to when we were on the street that were like, we're visiting St. Louis and we were talking about what we run into NICKI and Andrew and we just ran into Like it's so crazy. We're around town. So if you want to come around and just like see if you run into a St. Louis is a great town. We have um look into the city museum, look into going to a baseball game, like it's a place to go. And then Big Money Adventures is like it's too muddy dot com the number two. I'm not. They didn't ask me to do this obviously, but they just do canoe trips UH that are guided, like really cool stuff in the St. Louis area and uh and Matt runs all of it, and he's on the he's on the tour. He's hilarious. And then there's this like wet old man who will also guide you, and his name is Big Muddy Mike and UM. I talked about him on the podcast last summer because I went on a canoe trip to prove to myself that I don't like things. I was like, oncever all, I'll do this and I'll really try to like it, and then if I do it and don't like it, I never have to do it again. And I didn't like it. And I really didn't like when they did this like demo tour that like they're like, if you fall out of the boat, here's how to get back in. And because I was like in Matt's boat and He's one of the leaders. They were like, there was this big money Mike who's like an older guy that's like a river guy, the number one top dog in this in the in the probably in the region of like uh doing these kind of adventures. Just is the river He like a sunburn wet old man. He I can't say that because I was talking about this, not thinking big muddy Mike would ever hear the podcast. It was last summer. I was like depressed. I was going on this canoe trip. They do a demo where they Matt goes, me and Mike are going to switch canoes, and I'm like, me and my sister were like, no, do not do this. We do not want that that. We don't want big money Mike like crawling in their canoe and doing this like how to get how to be rescued and like getting us all wet, and like just we're gonna have to help him in. He was like, we have to do this, We're doing Nikki, just do it. And I'm like, Matt, don'lt. So Matt falls out of our canoe, goes over to Mike's canoe, Mike comes over to ours, he gets into our canoe. It was very quick and it wasn't as bad as Lauren and I thought it was gonna be. We were just like, we just want to be done. We don't want the stupid demo of how to like survive And and I described this guy as a wet old man getting in the canoe. And then he heard the podcast and I saw him again. He was like wet old man, huh, and he like loved it. He was like, everyone calls him wet old man now, so he is a wet you gotta think. At one point someone called him big Muddy Mike, and he was cool with it. You know, that's a cool name because that's true. That's like gets in the thing of it, like adding, people do not like when you say old if they're actually old, and he's actually not. He doesn't even look that old. He's like he should be because he's been like sunburned and weathered by the rapids. But he's he's like spry. And so I felt bad that I called him old, but he seemed to embrace it. I love a guy that doesn't take offense to me talking a little shit. And it wasn't s it was just it was honest to be honest speaking about honest. I was walking the Whole Foods and I whope foods. I don't know why we say hope foods. But this, uh, this guy had his earphones in and he walked past me and he goes, yo, hey man, I'm listening to you. And I go what, And and then I walk over and he shows me he's listening. He's a bestie and he lives in our building. Like, and I had a great conversation. Didn't you know that we were in the building with him? Is that how we get started off the podcast? Because he read but she was a fail? Okay, he saw your like Comedy Central half hour years ago and yeah, and he was he was so nice. He's a scientist slash doctor which solid slash. He's cute is does he have a Does he have a girlfriend? Yeah, he lives with her. Cool. Well we need to be friends with them. Um, yeah, I love that. That is so fun. That happened to me too. With Melanie. I talked about it like, I was walking by this girl on the street that I had met prior and I told her about my podcast. So and then she goes, oh my god, I'm listening. I look at me. I was listening right now and she showed me. And then today I was at Starbucks just now this this girl, Jill, who had just met she hurt. She was next to me. She had the same Cell McCartney bag that I have, and I've never seen anyone else wear it. She was super cute and she had her dog had this really cute collar by Sambo Boho on at Sea. That's I gotta remember at Sambo Samba Boho and it's a dog collar that was like turquoise beat. It was beautiful. She's like, I was like, it's worth it. I got to meet you because I complimented that, and she uh. She was like I wanted to kind of be friends with her because she goes, I live out of hotels right now, and I go, I live out of hotels really, like I'm staying at this one right now that is so terrible, Like it's I'm never staying there again. I love this area, but I just took a risk. She was like, Okay, here are the ones to say that. She gave me a list, so it was really and I go As I was leaving, I was like, well, you like find me on Instagram. That's the new like, can we be friends? I was like, find me on Instagram. I go, I'm my name's Nikki. I'm a comedian. She goes, I realized when I heard your voice, I like thought, and then when I heard your voice, it confirmed and I was like, oh, I don't expect anyone to ever know me. But she didn't say she was a busty or anything. But I bet she's going to be after um after today, because I really was charming. I wanted to be friends with her, so shout out to Jill, shout out to look at Sambo Boho if you're looking for a really cool dog accessory. And then um oh, I wanted to We only have a couple of minutes, but I wanted to follow up on something I started at the top of the show that I didn't get to and I really don't want to, like, please, I don't want to make this like weird between us. I don't want it to said it's vibe for the show, So just know I'm only bringing up not to make things weird. But the other day, when I sent you the package screenshots of like because at our place we get alerts when a package arrives that says Hey, here's the code, go type it in and then like a little door swings open of this like locker. It's awesome. It's like Amazon lockers if you've ever done that in our building. And so I just sent and like I was getting a bunch of texts. I was like, I just got off a podcast. I had like twenty two texts, and I saw the package delivery and I just screenshot it and I like did the arrow thing where you screenshot it and then you send it to someone. And I didn't write anything with it. I just sent it to Andrew without being like, hey, could you pack? Like could you pick this up? I just sent him the screenshot that says you have a parcel pending? And then Andrew followed up with can you ask? Is that what you said? Can you ask? Yeah? Can you ask? That's the thing. I like, I knew everything that can I just say what I thought went into it? So you wrote back, can you ask? And at first I was like, oh my god, he's mad at me, and that's this whole thing. I bet he likes sat And like I was like by eating his nails and like walking back and forth and like kicked the room ba and like I was like mad, it was like I'm not gonna do her ship and went through that and then you sent it. Because you didn't send it right away. It wasn't just like yeah, can you I'll get out can you ask like fun? It was like there was a lot of emotion behind it, and I just go, uh oh, yeah, sorry, because I thought it was like, um, follow up one, because sometimes if you don't get a package, which I had set you one before the day before and been like, hey, can you get this? I did ask with it and then or I said please after it and then thank you and then uh something as you get one that's like you didn't pick this up? Can you here's a reminder? It's still there? And I thought it was a reminder that you hadn't gotten the one that I asked for before, so I was just sending you like what I thought was a reminder, but it was actually a reminder of one that I hadn't sent you, so it was like a new one to ask you. You had already gotten other ones, which I didn't know at the time. Um, but I should have asked you right Like. It was all due to the fact that I was like just busy and like trying to like go through a bunch of stuff and like so many texts to write back to, but no excuse. I will always ask you. And I like that you asked for that in return. But it was funny afterwards, I wrote back, let me see what I wrote back, just so I can pull it up. I wrote back, um, uh uh, he goes. Can you ask me? And you go, oh sorry, I thought I did. It was the one I sent you before. Thanks, and you said, all good, it's different. Then you send me pictures of the packages you've got yesterday. I said, okay, sorry, thanks, and then um, But the funny thing is like after I wrote back, oh sorry, I thought you did. It was the one I sent before. I saw like dot dot dots come up and then go away and then come up again and then go away and then come up for a really long time and then go away. And I was like, just it's it's gonna be okay. I'm not like I know that you you elevated it to like I'm standing up for myself and I was accountable and admitted that I shouldn't have done that, and I said sorry and everything, and then you're like, well, now I I want to kind of not be as really I don't want her to think I'm mad at her, and I'm also trying to make it fun, so I don't know what trying. So I just I've never seen you go dot dot dot to me, because dota dot is like when you're overthinking things, you know, like when a dotta dot comes up, it's obviously like you just send it right, like I get a text from you, but I've never seen one disappear and go back again and disappear, And so I just stopped watching because I was giving me anxiety. And then you go and then all you wrote was all good, and then another one I said, it's different, and so it was like whatever thought you were putting in, you had written something bigger before that, of like which I don't know what it was. But then I want to say, it was so cute because after that, I get all the I'm getting all these texts from the the group chat that you and me and Noah I have, and I think Noah was sharing you had shared something on there right around the same time Noah rowe back to it, and then you wrote, I love you guys, and I was like that's his way of being like, I just kind of confronted Nikki about something and I want to like say like it's all good and I love you. Am I correct in thinking that that I love of you guys was related to the little bit of tension we had literally five minutes beforehand. I mean, because I love you guys to us often Noah, no, uh well listen, listen a lot I would say. Of what you just said is right on the money, Okay. The thing is is this is the thing. I don't give a funk about getting packages for you. I don't care about going to Whole Foods or going to Walgreens. I just care about being asked at the end of the day. And I'm not that because I have a problem with can I finish? Can I finish? Can I finish? Though? So, so when when when I just get something being like here's a prescription or like here's this or whatever I get, I get defensive because I just want I just want to be asked and I just want to thank you, that's all. I don't think that's asking for much. And I think what happens is is like you know, um, if we're if we're in a working establishment like relationship and you're like, hey, can you grab me this? Yeah, I'm working for you. And then when I'm here at the apartment and you're like, hey, get me disparcel, I'm not working for you anymore. However, you're paying more rent here. We know that. Blah blah blah. But it's like, I think they get crossed and I get I get a little like defensive and I don't need to and I don't mean to, and I that was a perfect response of like, can you ask like? You can always respond to me that way and it doesn't need to be like I just don't want you to go through that because I know, I just know you so well and I'm not pretending to know that I'm getting right, but I do believe that you struggled with the anger you felt after getting that for longer than you needed to to. You can just right back, can you ask like you can just be your first reaction can be what you send, and it can keep it a lot more lighter and a lot more less fraud than it needs to be because I'll always cup to being Eventually I'll cop to being out of line because You're right, I didn't need to ask, and it was a symptom of me being too busy and also taking you for granted in terms of like, you know, getting my packages and and and then I I reason, like, well, these packages are things that I'm putting in the house so that our house looks nice. So when you take videos of yourself and stuff, it's like a nice look for you, like it's a room bust so you don't have to So these packages to me are like there for you. So I I reason that, but it's not true because sometimes they're not for you at all. And I do appreciate them, and you are a man who can pick up things easier than I can, and I just for me, there's so much stuff I do around the house that I don't ask for, thank yous for I don't wait to be asked to do them, because they're not necessarily things you even care about. But I just feel like, and I'm not like, I really work on not resenting the stuff, the extra stuff I do that I don't that you don't do, because it's like I, first of all, I don't ask you to do it, so why do you know to do it? And also, um, that's that's up to me. If I want you to be accountable, I can't like silently resent you. So I like, I truly don't have resentments about stuff that possibly I could or possibly Like you know a housewife who's like, he doesn't do that, Like I don't really don't. And then when you empty the dishwasher, I feel in a like you're waiting for me to thank you sometimes and I go, I don't even And then sometimes I'm like I don't want to give it to him because he's so proud that he did this small thing when all day I've been doing like I know it's in my head, I'm I'm I'm literally I'm talking about the sick the disease I have of like comparing this very this is very relatable. I know every couple out there, every roommate situation has that of like I do this and this and keeping score. And literally the last time you empty the dishwasher I was so grateful for and you were doing it without me asking, you just started doing it. And then I was like, I'm not going to think him because I don't get thank you for what I do stuff around him, and that did that he could do. And then I was like why what is are you gonna win something by not thinking? And aren't you grateful that he's doing this? So I was like, shut up, Nikki, and I was like thank you, Andrew. And then it was like I let it go. I didn't need and then the idea that you like want I hate when. I hate being a person who senses that someone wants something, whether it's a thank you or hey, you look nice, or like is being thirsty for something? Because how did like I? I don't like that. I'm someone who's instinct when someone wants something is to withhold it, because that has been the most painful thing in my life is is in relationships when I wanted affection or attention or love and the person wants to punish me and so purposely could give me this thing that is so saying thank you it's not hard. It's no unless I'm suffering with laryngitis, it's not hard for me to say. And I can even do like an Asian bow, you know, like of thank you. In that case, you withhold something, when you withold something. It's just like I had to stop myself the other day. But what I wanted to say about the package thing is that I, Oh, this is the thing about asking you and this is on me and I just want to figure out where you're coming from with it. And I think I brought this up to you before, but sometimes when I ask you to do something, this is this is how it goes to me. And maybe this is maybe one time it happened. Yes, I go Andrew, could you walk Luigi because I'm dealing with Marian and I'm just like, I'm really sorry, thank you so like I literally asked like that, Like I'm like, I hate that I'm asking you to do this because Luigi is not your spensibility. You're living with a dog who makes our lives a little bit more hectic. I don't expect you to ever take care of Luigi and anyways my dog. But sometimes I go like, can you walk him? I'm really sorry, like thank you so much, and you'll just do it. You won't even say yeah, You'll just like go grab the leash and it's almost like you're mad that like that kind of and then I'm like, oh god, I remind him of his mom or something and he's like mad instead of just going like for me, my ideal situation, which you don't have to do would be like, yeah, sure, it's no problem, like just being like, yeah, I got it, and I think I do think since we had that talk, though, I do feel like, especially when you were taking care of Marian and I don't know, I feel like, yeah, but being a little bit more enthusiastic about helping would make me feel good and I and maybe that's asking you to lie because you're not enthusiastic about it, but I think you should be because you do help me out a lot and when you do help me feel so good and I feel like I want you to feel good about I know, but I do any things for me because I really do appreciate it. But for me, for me, I do feel like like you I get what you're saying and you're heard, and I just feel like sometimes like like I'm asked to do things that I want to ask you to do at the time where it just seems like like a task that is like and and it's an ego thing. Can e no, just like hey, I'm doing this podcast? Can you walk Luigi? Um? And sometimes your tone isn't as nice as you think it is. And sometimes though, but that being said, I I really do feel like I've I've made not just an effort, but like I understand the things you do for me. I understand, like I'm very very thankful and grateful for you in my life. And I think like sometimes like you'll find you know, the negative times when I'm walking Louis, but like not looking at the times when like I'm like, yeah, I'll go to Walgreens for you, Hey, you want stuff from Whole Foods, Like I sometimes think like like when you didn't get me something from Whole Foods the day the weekend that I was watching Marian and I have to just let this out, and you and Brenna went to Whole Foods. I didn't know you were going to Whole Foods, and you guys didn't get me anything. I do stuff I got not know that you went to wal Foods one time and you didn't get me an thing. Maybe you went twice that weekend and one time you did but the other time you didn't. Ye, But that this is my whole point. I know I'm saying that I'm wrong for feeling so resentful, and I'm just releasing it, but I was so upset because I was, like I am constantly in like this weekend has been so hard on me. I don't even I feel like they he doesn't even acknowledge that I'm like in the weeds with this fucking dog who literally is falling apart a weekend. We were there for you, Luigi. I know, I know, and I was. I was so grateful for that, But I just want to say that, like every time I go to Whole Foods, I think of something a snack I can get you. I I literally bring sex in my bag for you on airport trips and stuff, and like that's but that's my job. That's what I'm choosing to do. That you didn't ask me, So I think I just need to only get upset when I ask you for something, like not to be like he didn't think of me, But I just felt like so like God, like it would be on my mind if my roommate was struggling with a dog that had stitches and like blood coming out, and and I have already helped her in a little in ways that she was so grateful for because she's like I was trying to be like thank you, thank you, because I need so bad, But you don't need to do that either, Like I'm here for you, like I want to be there for you, and I do want to make you feel grateful, but yeah, that was just the only thing is like I just I just don't be how Like, it's kind of hard when your expectations for me are like, uh, like you're looking at this mind well the time when you're like, oh, you didn't go to Whole Food and think of me, But literally the next time I go, what do you need? I know you're here. Not as a thing of that, I wasn't. I wasn't in the right place too. I was like, justin I resented that moment, but I really did let it go because I didn't ask you. Guys had helped so much, and I gave you credit even on the podcast for helping me so much that weekend, Like I couldn't have done it without you. It was way more work than I knew I was taking on to take care of that sick dog and the Luigi thing, like you love Luigi, so for me, I like, I don't see the problem in asking you to walk him because you're going out anyway, and like and and it shouldn't be a favor to me. It should be just like, oh, I care about this dog who needs some sunshine. Because NICKI has been in podcasts back to back for five hours, like, so I feel like it's not something I should even have to ask. So I guess I'm saying, will you help out with Luigi without me asking? And I'll compensate you, either financially or in some way like that, because I just need help with Sometimes you don't have to you don't have to pay me. I appreciate it. And I love how much you cuddle with Luigi and make him feel like loved when like I'm another sometimes I'm like, Andrew, will you like let him up on the couch and like hold and just like hug him a little bit, and you'll like do that and he like loves you so much and it it just makes me feel because all I want is that dog to be like loved and comfortable, and he's constantly looks sad and scared even though all I'm doing is trying to make him feel love. So I do appreciate you. I love you, And get to the news. Thank you you heardst first. Oh man, it's it's upcast. It's a makeup. I didn't even know we were going to make up apparently. Um. Also, guys, have a great time, have all the swells. I might not have said all the swells yesterday, a t s. I apologize if I didn't. If it brought down any of your swells, hope they doubled time today. You know, at the end of the pod yesterday, you go, I don't think I said all the cells swells, and then no oneh goes the fans will in a snowe. Did any bestie catch it? I don't think they did, all right, so maybe I did say it. I don't know anything you did. I just think our busties are are drunk on the job. They might be a little drunky. It's okay, that is a forgotten episode. Well, all the swells will double all the swells today, alright. A good Samaritan saves a California woman who was held captive and sexually assaulted by her tender date for three days before escaping into the street. I mean, so uh, I guess this should be a good commercial for Bumble, But the news brought to you by Bumble, and it's all just tender murder stories. U dude, this is so sad and scary. So this woman went on a date. Man, I've done this. I talked about this on a podcast or a US Weekly interview. I did yes two days ago about like what was your worst date? And I go, oh, it this riot thing. I want over a guy's house on a first date because I just didn't want tea or coffee or a meal. I didn't want to go out. I wanted to smoke weed at his dope place in the hills. And he seemed nice enough. And my point was like everyone was like, oh, he wanted he expected to have sex, and that's why the date went badly because when it was clear you didn't want to have sex because you were coming over to his house, like of course you're gonna have sex, I'm like, no, that doesn't mean that. But now I think about it, and I'm like, that's maybe don't trust with a little though. That's true. I showed up in a little bitty bitty itty Um. This reminds me of the you know Dahmer. Do you remember? Um? I watched something about Jeffrey not Jeffrey Dahmer. I'm sorry, who's the guy that eight people in? Uh? No, that's his brother and uh he was a he was an accountant. Um it was yeah he um he one time had he would do the same. No on tender obviously because it wasn't around I think they it was like the personal ads or whatever. But like truly he would get guys gay guys and back in like the seventies eighties when this was happening, like it was a little bit more like you couldn't be as open with it. So these guys would probably come to his house, not telling anyone where they had been. They'd go there. He would I don't I can't really speak to exactly what would happen, but he would do this thing where he would drill a hole in their brain and then inject um acid or something to like kill a part of their brain that made them be able to talk and speak. But they could still walk and talk. They could still walk and talk, but like their brain. It was he did some fucked up ship you know, like and um would you know rape all these things. One of them got out and was running in the streets like trying to get away, but was also so fucked up from the brain drilling that he would do in a way that he wouldn't even bleed like he would do things. It was so fucked up what he would do. So the cops showed up to this guy that was running naked and I think he was naked in the street and you know, trying to express that he needed help, but like couldn't. Very confusing cops show up. Dahmer talks to the cops and says, this is my I forget what he said, this is my brother, this is my he's just like mentally unwell, and then took him back in and ended up like his head was in the freezer by the end of the weekend. And but this reminds me of the same thing of like, sometimes you see someone who is naked and uh, you know, really roughed up and bloody in the street as a homeless especially around Los Angeles, or a woman and screaming, and you go, oh, that poor crazy, almost woman, I'm going to ignore her. And a lot of times someone in distress can be ignored because it's so scary and literally, what happened to this girl, tell me no, no, she was running around distressed in the street and people just ignored her. That's exactly what happened her. The bystander effect. I don't want to deal with it. Someone else will. Um, I have to get somewhere. I'm going to drive around this. It doesn't it's too much. I don't want to get blood on me. She's naked. It makes me feel awkward all these things. Yes, so someone did help her guy's profile. I wonder what a guy like this tender profiles so much? She got out holding a fish right this guy? Yeah? A fish hook? Um due this guy? How do you? How do you? What do you recommend for girls that like, tell for the first date that guy's house, but share your location on your phone? Yeah, tell people where you're going, not that he can't just like turn off your phone or whatever. Um uh, don't go to someone's house for a first date. Uh, meet in public and but you you know, they could meet you in public and then get you back to their place and then this could still happen. So, um, bring a web. I don't even know. I honestly don't know. We should like talk to us. How long should people talk online before they meet in person? Everyone always says, like, go from the app to a date right away, Like, if he doesn't like, just ask them right away. Don't waste your time texting about all the stuff that you're going to cover on the first date anyway. I mean, I don't think you need to wait long. Just meet in public and uh maybe read a couple of terrifying stories beforehand to make you a little bit scared. When I drive around my dad, when you taught me how to drive, he was like, it's a common thing that people tell people to drive. Make think that every single car at this last split second could turn and hit you, and he's going to and wants to, and what you're going to do to get out of it. That's why I never drive on the inside of a lane. You guys know, I'm scared of two lane highways, But if there's four lanes on like a road that's thirty five miles per hour, I never choose the inside lane because it's so much easier for the person on the other side to just tilt and then get like you'll get hit. So I'm always on the outside. I always I live like everyone's going to bite me and and hurt me and and run into me. So I think if you kind of operate like that going into it, of like what's the worst that could happen? And then when he goes to you know, put his coat around your shoulders. You're going get up like stab him in the chest, but you end up killing him. Uh yeah, I think just like be just know that anything bad could happen as a guy, like, girls will sometimes be like are you a murderer? Like they always ask that, Yeah, what kind of murderer is going to be like yeah, actually ship yeah ask me, Like it's just like cops where they have to tell you what they undercover cops, even though that's not true. Undercover cops don't need to tell you that they are if you ask them. Um, but I feel like murderers might go like you might see a first second of like how did she know? You know? Like you're not gonna rape me, are you. There was one time whereas oh yeah, remember when the Cayman Islands, did I tell the story of the guy? I was looking at the cow on my run and I was trying to like make a connection with the cow. These two locals came up to me. They were drinking in their car. It was on Easter. They're drinking in their car. They come up. They have empty beer cans. Two um older guys that like in this kind of rough looking car and they're looking at me, looking at this cow. They pull over and they're like, do you need help? And I'm like no, And then they get out of the car. I go, is this cow gonna like attack me? Do you guys know anything about cows? And they go, oh, let me show. And the guy's drunk and he parks the car and he gets on and I go, are you gonna rape me? And the way his response clearly made it seem like he wouldn't rape me, like he was just like he goes, why would you say that? And I go because that's my biggest fear um and it happened like I go, I just want to just And I would have known if he was a rapist by his reaction, because I feel like a rapist would kind of be like do you know you know, like there would be a moment, but his action made me feel so safe of like what the fuck? Like you know, it's just like I don't know. It's through like DM like you were able to see his face, like maybe a FaceTime call with anyone you're gonna go out with, maybe do that? And are you going to murder me? And the dot dot dot comes up and then goes away and then dot dot dot and then it goes away and then he says, I love Yeah, that might be. I mean he's going to murder you and not walk your dog later. All right, next door, besties, write us right into us if you've ever been on a date that made you feel unsafe and like what you did, or maybe tips, because I don't think we really offered any good advice here because I'm not really qualified to do so. I think we did. I think I think the best thing is carry a gun. Um. Okay, Megan Fox details drinking ayahuasca. Oh my god, this is amazing. With machine gun, Kelly, I went to hell and said the experience or past talk therapy or hypnotherapy, because it just goes straight into your soul and it takes it to a psychological prison that you had that you hold yourself in. Okay, the couple flew to Costa Rica. Uh cat of this story? Can I just pull it up really quick and read the quote? Because can I read it? Do you mind? I just because I loved it so which I was. I can't believe you picked the story. No, you nailed it so much because I didn't even think of it for our show but I was like obsessed with what she had said, and I'm a huge Mican Fox fan. Now. So she did ayahuasca, which, if you don't know, is the Peru. You go to Peru or some you know, like Shaman, they make you drink a thing that makes you throw up and you're not allowed to go into the next level unless you throw up. So she's with all these people. She said, you get there and you're in the middle a jungle, and you don't get to eat after like one pm, which wouldn't work for me because I have to eat three meals a day. But you have to walk a very far distance to get your water, and you can't shower because they're in a drought. There was nothing glamorous about it, and it's all part of making you vulnerable, so you sort of surrendered the experiment experience. First of all, she's saying this on Jimmy Kimmel, which is being co It's being hosted by Anthony Anderson, I think this week, but they haven't asked me. It's kind of um, kind of upset about it. But even though I guess so said this summer and it was a success, I felt, but I haven't asked me back, um, and she said, you have to vomit a certain amount and until they let you get back with everyone else, So you're like cheering everyone on as they throw up. Um. She said that, uh, she and the Bloody Valentine Rapper, which is Machinea Gully, were skeptical of throwing up in front of strangers until they realized it was such a good bonding experience. So everyone's steering them on. She says, Uh, so this is the cool thing that I liked the best of this whole thing, and I don't think it's in this exact article that you sent. But she had wanted to do this when she was with Brian Austin Green, the guy that she was married to and had kids with. She had talked about this in interviews beforehand years ago, about wanting to do ayahuasca and have an ego death that she had read about um, but she had been scared and he hadn't really been into it. And now she's in this relationship and she I just love that she's not presenting this thing as like, oh, it's just the thing I found out about and I want to do it with mg K because he's young and cool and I want to do just I'm just doing this because I'm trying to be different. She's like, this is something she'd want to do a while and just finally found someone that she was like comfortable doing it with. And I just like thought that was kind of beautiful. So they went in and what she describes, like you said, is that she literally she said so she said, I was thinking it was like glamping, like it was gonna be some kind of five star experience. Obviously it was not. And she said she drank ayahuasca and and then she uh, oh that she just I didn't watch the interview, but this girl, I think she's so cool. I want to be friends with Bag and Box so bad. She said. The ceremony last three nights, but on her second night she and then she just says, she goes, um, I went to hell for an eternity and a hallucin nation. Yeah, so like on the second night, I went to health for eternity. I think it's so funny to just like flippidly say that, and she goes, And this really got me. I feel like sometimes people describe hallucinogenics and you go, I don't understand what you're even talking about. But I'm glad it worked for you, and I'll know it if I ever do it. But this sounds terrifying, but I kind of I'm so scared. I wanted this is like roller coasters for me, Like I have the same feeling I had when I was young, and like wanted to go so bad, but I was so scared of what was gonna happen, even though I knew it was only going to be good in the end, even though it might be scary during it. She said, just knowing this is talking about going to health for eternity, she said, just I'll read it in her voice, just knowing it's etern I'm just I don't I've never even heard her talk. Honestly, I've never seen her movies. So just knowing it's eternity is torture, and just knowing its eternity is torture and in itself because there's no beginning, middle, or end. So you have a real ego death. So I get that. You know, like thinking that you're in health for eternity, you just like surrender and so like you let go of any like trying to be someone trying to think you're cool, feeling like a self. You just let it go because you have no choice. You're in health for eternity. She said, it surpasses, like you said, hypnotherapy. What do you say, go, I get it because of a package thing? What the packaging attorney? And hell oh the packages? Yeah? Living with me? You know, it's like what I signed when I extended the six month leaks for our place until January one, two two? Um, she said, like you said, it surpassed talk therapy or hypnotherapy. I just got back in with my therapist. Do we have a session today or is it tomorrow? Funk? I think it's today. Um, No, it's next week actually, she uh? Which I find. It's like she goes, It goes straight into your soul and it takes you to a psychological prison that you hold inside yourself. What you already said. But um, I think I want to do ayahuasca so bad? Who's down? Andrew? Noah? Are you down after hearing this? Because Megan Fox sold me on it and for all. I mean I've done much rooms which no, dude, I've done an acid. No. I know you've been saying, huh have you had? I really am reluctant to believe she had an ego death when I see her walking around and like is still wearing the body con dresses and the face that looks like she looks like she's from Madam Tusso it's like, if you have an ego, death, isn't part of that being Like I don't care what people think about me anymore, and I don't need to put out an image. I mean, maybe that is maybe that's what we're not caring. Yeah, oh my god. David Spade called and Kelly a neon scarecrow the other day and it made me laugh so fun scarecrow. Um. I just feel like when people take iowas it's a little for me where people are like my life change and that saw the green light the balloon and and and he's having an ego. I mean, I just want to rose, oh am, I good now, Okay, you think it's anyhow, you think it's cat. I think it's a little. I think it's I'm also scared. Also, I'm in a very good mental place right now, and I don't know if I want to funk with that, you know what I mean, Like, I'm not searching for anything right now. Like, I really do feel like that makes sense. Nick Nikky just sent me a parcel and said get this bitch, which I don't know if you wanted that on air, but I just got a more than just yet but then just a screenshot. I agree. I totally agree, Andrew. Next story, let's do why do I care? Sports? Oh? Sports? Here's Andrew's weekly sports moment. Someone took with that tone. Okay, alright, so I don't know if you saw this or we talked about this, but after missing a high stakes penalty kicked for England. So England was in the finals in the euro because of COVID, so they did last year's this year whatever. So they're saying even though it's yeah, it was kind of like so so Italy. Uh they did? Uh it was England versus Italy in the finals. England hasn't been in the finals in fifty five years. They have like four black players. Three of the black players missed the penalty kick at like five or six kicks. So it's become this huge racist, like fucking tirade on the internet towards these players from English fans calling them death threats. Uh. So this guy had a mural for him because he's an amazing soccer player, but he's only like nineteen. What's this guy? Okay? So Marcus Rashford? So so he was bullied on social media and he put this post on Instagram. It's a little long, but I swear to god, it's like the most human like response to like racism. Then I just thought it was such a well written I don't know if you want here, can you read some of it? Alright? So he goes, I don't even know where to start, and I don't even know how to put into words how I'm feeling at this exact time. I've had a difficult season. I think there's been clear. I think that's been clear for everyone to see. And I probably went into that final with a lack of confidence. I've always backed myself for a penalty, but something didn't feel quite right during the long run up, I was saving myself quite a bit of time, and unfortunately the result was not what I wanted. I felt as though I had let my teammates down. I felt as if I'd let everyone down. A penalty was all I've been asked to contribute for the team. I love that I can score penalties in my sleep, So why not that one? He says. I love that. It's been playing in my head over and over since I struck the bond. There's probably not a word to quite describe how it feels final fifty five years one penalty history. All I can say is sorry, I wish it had gone differently. Whilst I continue to say sorry, I wanted to shout out my teammates. This summer has been one of the best camps I've experienced, and we've all played a role in that. A brotherhood has been built that is unbreakable. Your success is my success, Your failures are mine. I've grown into the sport where I expect to read things written about myself, whether it be the color of my skin, where I grew up, or most recently, how I decided to spend my time off the pitch. I can take critique of my performance all day long. My penalty was not good enough, it should have gone in, but I will never apologize for who I am and where I came from. I've never felt I've felt no prouder moment than wearing those three lines on my chest and seeing my family cheer me on in crowd of tens of thousands I've dreamt of days like this. The messages I've received today have been positively overwhelming, and seeing response from Withington's had me on the verge of tears. The communities that have always wrapped their arms around me continue to hold me up on Marcus Rashford, twenty three year old black man from Withington and Weathernshire, south Manchion. If I have nothing else, I have that for all the kind messages, thank you. I'll be back stronger. We'll be back stronger. Love. I will say that I love that. It was a great response to everything, and it made it only addressed the racist things for a part of it, which is like cool that it was just like he's spent this much time on that because it doesn't deserve to really be acknowledged those things, even though it obviously does, because it's such a fucking issue still um and uh. But what I will say is that I don't believe, you know, he shouldn't apologize for being black obviously and being um, what else did he say? I'm not going to be a color apologize, whether it be the color of my skin, where I grew up or most recently, how I decided I decided to spend my time off the pitch, which I guess is off the field. I learned that from Ted Lasso. Um, I don't think you should apologize for not making that penalty kick either, because it's not your choice. Like, I get it that like you, just like you didn't choose to be born black. You didn't choose to be born wherever you were. You didn't. You don't really, I don't think you really choose how you spend your time. It's just like there's no free will. There's no apology necessary for the kick. It's like, I think it's all the like, and I don't think that diminishes or minimizes the the him saying that race is different than how he plays on the field, because it's everything we do and everything we we all are trying our best. And but I mean, his argument is he can't. I mean, you would say that he could control the outcome. He couldn't control the outcome of the kick. You can't control what you do, but you But I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I was thinking as as last control over that kick as he does the color of his skin. I really do believe, and it's just true. It's just true because you can say, well, he could go back, and maybe he should have practiced more the night before, or maybe he shouldn't have drank three nights before. And maybe maybe the are saying he's dating too. I don't know what they're saying he's doing off the pitch that made him not perform as well that day. But okay, even that, like, let's say he chose to go out drinking three days before and didn't decide to sleep in, and maybe his lack of sleep contributed to the fact that he didn't make that pitch. Because whatever didn't make that kick um his choice to go out that night. He didn't have a choice in that choice. It like everything that let up. He was never not going to go out. It's and you could always go no, Nikki, he could have stayed in. There was a choice. He made the choice to go out. He didn't choose to make the choice. Because when you choose to go, Okay, I'm gonna go out, where did the thought come from to go I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna pick that one. You didn't conjure it. It It just came into your head to choose. So you're not charge of anything. I know this is this is again no free will, but uh, I love that response. I loved you sharing that I'm now following Marcus Rasford as a twenty three year old. You said he was nineteen at first, but as a twenty three year old, I think he's like so smart. There was another guy to miss kick that was nineteen who missed a LA. Just always so impressed when these young people are able to write so um beautifully, and they they probably spend most of their schooling like not really school like athletes generally spend most of their time playing a sport and not really maybe reading and and and like I'm not I'm not saying that anything. I'm just saying athletes when they're when they're when they're able to write so poetically and like powerfully, I'm always in this guy's a really impressive person. Yeah, it's just the younger generation is so fucking smart and like woke and in the best way. And I'm just I'm so I'm excited for our future because of it. Like that makes me feel good in good hands that young people in positions of power with eleven million followers are able to talk like that, and and and synthesize their feelings and a message in that way. It's it's so cool and I'm so glad so many people read that, And I'm glad you read it, Um, and I'm glad you've got the name of his town weapon shot. I was like, I looked at the word and I go, I don't know what I do with that, and you just nailed it. I was, no, you did a great job. Let's get to UH fan Trax. It's time for listener mail, which we call fan trax because anthrax is something that you know, crazy fans sometimes send and it's just a fun play on words fan trax. Here we go. Here is a message from uh. Let's see Hannah a voice message. Thank you so much, Hannah. Let's hear it. Hi, Nikki Andrew and No, Uh, I love the podcast. It gets me through my soul sucking desk job, So thank you so much. Quick mispronunciation story. So a few years packed, we're my friends and I were at a grocery store and my friend out of nowhere just goes where the funk names their kid Penalope, and we were just like, what, Yeah, that's Insanelope. Look at the magazine. She's looking at where Courtney Kardashian is pictured with Yeah, penaloze. So anyway, thanks guys. Catalope is so funny and it does look like penalope your friends, right and defense and defense. It's not cantalope. I know exactly. I was thinking, Uh, yeah, cantalope. Yeah, it's not cannet cannal Yeah, connect can't cant contend too. I can't even say what it would be if Courtney named her baby cantaloupe. But uh, penalope is so funny and is now the way that I will refer to all penelopes. And thank you so much, Hannah. I love the fact that your name is a palindrome. That's so cool. And I also love the name Hannah because sometimes when you write ha ha ha, it looks like the word Hannah, and like your name looks like people laughing. And thank you so much for listening to us at your soul sucking desk job, which is an S S d J um So if you if you have, if you have a S S e J out there, let's we're going to call it from now on an S S d J coined by Hannah. What s S DJ so many people have a double SDJ. Alright, ce this is from Cecily. I think it's Hi, Nikki, Andrew and Noah. My name is Cecily, and I just thought I would call in today to say that I just love um Nikki's and Andrew's laughs. When you guys get each other going, it just puts a big smile on my face and cracks me up. Nikki's is kind of like a you know, kind of like a like a crackle, so it's like, yeah, this is definitely more like the Mutley laugh where it's just like all air like yes, like that, and yeah, I think it's hilarious. I love listening to you guys keep doing what you're doing by excess. Oh my god. I just love hearing our fans and like meeting them. And like I wrote I wrote on my Instagram today, just posted the hottest picture of myself that's ever been taken on stage, by the way, literally the best picture ever by Elizabeth Viggiano, who I'm going to bring on towards take pictures of me. Um. You should follow her at Liz vidg v I g l I z v i G on Instagram. She has the best pictures of comedians and it's just she's just an amazing photographer. It's not easy to do and a lot of people do it and they do it wrong, but she does it right. I posted the picture and I said, my tour is happening right now. Get tickets now. I want to I can't wait to see all of you. And I wrote in parentheses, especially listeners of my podcast slash Besties. And I felt bad saying that because I know people that don't listen are gonna be like the funk, but I knew besties would be like yeah, and it's just true, like I love you guys so much and thank you for allowing me to be insane and uh and just my you're my friends, and I feel like uh. Sometimes I listened to myself, especially like on Whitney's podcast yesterday, because I don't listen to this podcast because I live it and we do it daily. It would be too much for me to listen back. But I was watching clips that when you send me of her podcast, and I go, bitch, you're a lot. I like, I know I'm a lot, and I know that my A D D meds sometimes make me talk too much and going tangents and I don't follow them, and I'm like working on it. And thank you for being my friend and knowing that sometimes I can be boring or not finish my thoughts or too much, and thank you for putting up with me and sticking through it. And sometimes maybe you don't and you're like, I can't take this episode her energies too much. But I love you guys and Penelope or in Cecily. Uh, thank you for liking our laughs that I mean, I love when. That's why I wanted this podcast with you, Andrew, because I just wanted us to laugh all the time, because that's my favorite podcast is when people laugh together genuinely and yeah, your laugh is great and I love um yeah, I do like ah, like that's that's when it's really getting me. So that's uh, I feel seen. Thank you, Thank you, Cecily. What next message? This one is written in on our Instagram from Kissing Andra, Hey, Nikki, and Andrew and Noah, I just got word that you're coming to my city in August. I'm cutting my vacation away, my vacation away short so I can get back in time to see you. I'm so pumped by the way I'm a deadal assistant. And now whenever I take a panoramic X ray, I think of laughing skeletons, And she said, a picture skeletons are always laughing. They're always having a great fucking time. And that's what I do for audiences when I get nervous, is of like, I'm like, this guy's like me, mugging me in the front row and like trying not to laugh. I'll go inside. You're laughing, your skeletons having a great fucking time. I'm killing with your skeleton. That person's teeth I was looking at that person's teeth. They're pretty good. Yeah. Wait, wait, hold on, can I go back to this metch is real quick, Cassandra. I just want to say thank you so much for cutting your vacation short. I wonder where you're seeing me. Honestly, like when I get notes like this that are like I'm driving four hours to see you, or my husband and I are getting a hotel, or I'm cutting my vacation short, or I'm saving up my money, I like it. Honestly puts a little bit of gas in the tank for me in terms of like I'm going to perform better because so Cassandra, let us know what show you're going to, and I'll give it something extra. I don't know what, but I really am going to try my best for you guys, as I did last Saturday when I was supposed to do an hour and I did it an hour and twenty because I felt like I just like, I can't wait for someone to write like I'm not going to my mom's funeral just so I could see you, Nikki. Honestly, I don't think that that's a bad choice because your mom is dead and she doesn't know if you're good or As I've always said, funerals are the only things you don't have to go to for someone, and I know it's a good way to process, Like if it helps you process the grief, which that's what funerals are for for you and for others, um go. But if you don't want to go to a funeral and you want to process in your own way, never feel obligated to go, because literally the person who it's for is not alive and they will allow you to go to my show instead, And so never feel pressured to go to funerals. It's literally the only thing in life of someone's that you don't have to feel guilty about not going, and you go, but I'm going because their family will be there and they need to know. Don't don't do anything for anyone else. Grave in your own, in your own way. Let's listen to uh oh and she has my name Nicole a voice message. Hi Nikki, Hi Andrew. My name is Nicole. Love the podcast. Listen every day I have storied her Nicky Specifically, Nikki, you were talking on the podcast about how sometimes you avoid fans after your shows. Well, one time I saw you perform at the Laugh Factory. You absolutely crushed. You were so funny, And after the show, I was waiting for my boyfriend to get done going to the bathroom, and everyone came up to me and was like, Nicky, you crushed it. Good job. And it was weird because my name is Nicole, and it was just just a real moment because I was also very stoned, and I had to just keep telling people, oh, no, she did crush it, but that was not me anyway. I always wanted to relay these congratulations to you because you did a great job and it was a very for me anyway. Love the Pot, Thanks Nicole. Nicole I just want to reiterate to anyone who might hear this for the first time. I love when fans come up to me and say nice things. It's just I avoid it because sometimes I I don't want them to feel obligated to say nice things if they don't want to, and I feel like sometimes people and then sometimes people don't say anything, and I think, oh my god, they hate me, but they're really just trying to like, not bug me. So I just avoid it because I don't either want you to say something you don't want to say, or I just don't want to be apointed by the fact. Don't what you gotta hire this Nicole to stand outside and do your meeting, Greeds. It's such a good idea. Thank you so much, Nicole. Final thought, Nicole, You're so right, Nicole. If you right, If you want to come to a show sometime, it would be fun. It would be great to meet you. I'm so glad I have a twin out there that got so many compliments. I have so many fucking twins in the world. Andrew, check out this one. This girl has an only fans. If you want to see me um getting railed. I don't even know what she does on Only Fans. I I got to subscribe to it because I do subscribe to Friends only fans. Oh my god, she wow. I didn't even know what she was doing here. Gods on Instagram. Don't only watch porn where people look like you. I mean that. I just want to say that there is a deep fake out there of me. Um, it's a compilation of me talking about having anal sex on different podcasts, and then in between me being interviewed about it, my voice over talking about anal sex then plays over women whose faces have been changed to mine, who are getting fucked in the ass, over and over. I couldn't even watch it because it was so real looking and also I sounded so could being like I have a set like I never bring it up to be or like sexy, but it just looked like I was like bragging about being a fucking r or whatever. And um, that's out there is like Brandy views, So like, don't you'd rather be like you actually having sex and someone else saying those things? Yes, I really want a porn star saying it, and then me as a comedian having a microphone shoved up my ass. Um. I don't know. I just so listen this girl if you want to follow her. She looks a lot like me, and she constantly. The other day she was doing a Q and A on Instagram and someone goes, do you ever get told you look like Nicki Lazer? And she's like all the time. In fact, I tagged her once and she started following me, and now we're friends. Her name is Luna Hill x one l u n A Hill x one. She looks like me. She uh is I think way sex here and uh has amazing tattoos. She does like I don't know what she does on her only fans, but I'm guessing it's very seductive. Even on Instagram, she does stuff that's like so freaking hot. I mean, look at look at that. Oh my god, I know we can hold on. Look at this one she does like a Britney spears. I'm not like Twin that like went to jail. I mean, these are those pictures I send to like guys I'm hooking up with, Like this is it's truly Oh, this one is done from Clueless. She's wearing like the clueless plaid outfit. That one's so hot that's on her Instagram. Go look at that Luna Hill x one and uh, please support her on only fans if you like to support content creators on their um because she's she's really funny and cool and uh and looks like me. If you and Nicole please send a picture of yourself to the show because I love notes. And Nicole, thank you so much for your note. Thank you for all those voice memos and everything. So we have a minute left on the show. Andrew, Um, what are you up to today? You know? Uh, maybe work out? You know? Okay, Well, I'm going to the ted Lasso two season two premiere tonight. Okay, look, we can't all. I just want to talk about it. It's so fun. They were just nominated for like literally every Emmy. Are you a Yeah, I'm bringing jeff Dy as my date uh to today, um, and I'm excited about it because I'm also going with Jamie Lee, who's a writer on the show. We're picking her up and we're gonna go the three of us together and uh, Jamie Lee hilarious comedian. Um, the I think the real Jamie Lee on Instagram whatever is. But you'll be hearing a lot from her because we're working together on something and hilarious. She's so fucking funny, and she wrote on the show, so like the show is like hotter than ever. It's such a cool premiere to get invited. Bill Lawrence is a friend of mine. I get to go to this party after there's like a cool party afterwards. I don't know what I'm gonna wear yet. I'm trying to sneak some of the things that my wardrobe ladies are my stylists have given me for the shoot I did this week into my outfit, but they're asking me to give it back by two pm today. I'm gonna ask if I can keep like one thing. The wardrobe is described as a dress in smart casual so sweatpants with some glasses and carry a book and yeah, you're premiere. Maybe I'll play softball again with your brother in law. So I mean it's the same thing. Just believe if you've seen ted Lasso, you know what that means. Uh. Ted Lasso is one of the best shows ever. And if you haven't watched it and you are maybe a depressed person and needs something to feel good about, and I know you're like, no, I don't nothing. No TV show can actually make me feel good I thought that way too. Ted Lasso is so fantastic and so heartwarming and just is it's it's just like that soccer caption you read in a show like powerful, smart, fun fun. Well, I guess that wasn't funny, that caption, but just makes you feel good about the world. I feel good about the world. Uh, and you so much for this makeup podcast. Noah, thank you so much, listeners, Thank you. See you on the road. Tickets available adding shows, Uh, every day, shows are selling out. My I'm so grateful to everyone who bought a ticket because I'm selling better than anyone in my team had ever expected me to sell and I don't even expect it. But I love you so much for buying tickets, and I will do my best to make you proud and have you. Uh. And there's gonna be free prizes at my shows, most of my shows. I'm I'm getting h ready to We're getting tons of cool merch. So I'm excited. All right, See you on Monday, you guys, Uh, this weekend, do not do anything kick and I hope you have a good vacation from your s s DJ and any other things we coined today on the show. Uh. Jack frown fruit, Yeah, jack fruit, cantaloupe can at all the piece