#64 Always In Process

Published Jul 9, 2021, 1:00 AM

Between you and Nikki, she is in a mood and advocating for her local Starbucks employees. Andrew slept like candy because he got to hit a couple of balls last night. They dig into Nikki's mood and find out it's the looming pressure of a tour and finalizing a set. You Heard it Here First, teachers have other lives, it sucks to die on a rollercoaster, how to keep your feet on a plane and Andrew's sports moment involves a regular Joe. They go through some fun "Fanthrax" and close out the show talking about accidents that people try to play off as cool.

Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com

The Nicky Year's Nikki. Hello, Happy Thursday everyone out there. Thank you for listening to the podcast. Um all week. I know you have, It's okay if you haven't. This is a great show today. I'm in a mood. You know who's not in a mood? I mean it could be a good one. You don't know. People don't normally say I'm in a mood when it's a good one. Um. Yeah, I just uh, things were running behind its Starbucks today and uh set my morning a little bit. Uh just it. You know, Starbucks was backed up and sometimes you go in there and uh, they're all backed up, and I understand it. Working out Starbucks is not fun. Uh, I'm sure it can be. Um when you quit and you walk out, so I guess you're not really working there anymore. But it doesn't seem to be like a job that is very you feel. I think it used to be one of those jobs everyone was like, oh my god, all the benefits and they give you healthcare and you're a partner and all this stuff. But now it just seems like they fucking hate what they're doing and they it's has like a t s a vibe of like really resenting the job, knowing that it's just kind of um that you're not. You know. The thing is, though they are drug dealers more so than t s A. T s A are truly doing some kind of performative like t s A have like never caught a terrorist since they've been implemented, and I think that's true. They've literally never caught any any anyone. I think the shoe bomber guy was like on the flight trying to light up pitch shoe so like he got past um so T s A, which there there, It's completely that that must feel not good. They must convince those people they are really important because I like that they take it so seriously, seemingly. Sometimes that's the worst T s A agent is someone who takes it too seriously or someone who doesn't take it seriously at all. You want something in the middle, but it's all bullshit. Um, you might as well work at fucking Disneyland. And it's a small world. It's what's it called. They call it the the theater theater of security, Like it's it's there's some the illusion of safety. It's like a it's a magic trick that t s A has just put there to convince dumb Americans that we're doing the best we can to not have another September eleven, when really it's kind of you know, they're probably not going to do it that way again. You know what I'm saying. You know how they did the first time we go, we could never have imagined. Well, they're probably gonna come up with something we could have never imagined. I don't know. That's just my thought. But um, yet, Starbucks today, you just go in there. Those people are delivering. They should take pride in their work if they were paid better for it, um, which they're not. That's I have no problem with anyone in reach, anyone who is making under you know, I don't know. I'm saying twenty bucks an hour for what you do. That's what should be minimum wage at this point. And I know nothing about economics and how that would change the country. Probably everything would just get more expensive and then it would be would be seven fifty. But I'm on wage anyone who's working harder than the money you're getting, which is like almost everyone. Um, take your time, don't don't actually rush. I don't care because that's the problem I have when someone when my food is laid, or when Starbucks is running behind, or when you know, the car washes backed up, and I'm seeing the workers and they're just kind of milling about and they don't seem to care about getting me through as quick as possible. Or the gate attendant at the you know, checking in my bags seems to be taking your time. You know what, take your fucking time because you're not being paid enough. And I allow you that our society is we should allow tipping more. It should be there should be more tip jars out so these people feel compensated to work harder and and maybe something good could come of it. Because the thing is, if you if you're milling about all day at work at Starbucks, you might lose your job eventually because you know you're not getting the numbers that they want, but they need you so bad. I mean every single business I think right now people are dying to fill. Everything's understaffed. My sister told me the other day that she went to the Skyline Chilian, Cincinnati with my dad and mom and a bunch of people and they came in the waitress had told warned my dad's table, we are understaffed. Were slammed it's gonna be it's gonna be longer today, and everyone was cool about it. Guess who was complaining as soon as his meal didn't arrive in the right way at the right time. It's just like they can't even warn you and and people still get to scrundled. And my dad's getting discrundled. He's a nice person who didn't vote for Trump and doesn't feel generally. I don't see him as someone who feels more entitled than the rest um and is not delusional. So if my dad is behaving that way with people who warned him that service is slow, can you imagine how people treat retail workers and food service workers and anyway. It's just be kind to all those people out there, especially if you're someone who works at a job where you're underpaid for what you do. Have compassion for other people and just let them be slow with your Starbucks. Today, I just sat back. There was a girl hanging on the counter waiting for her mobile order. Because you can hang over the counter and the kind of look where the mobilers are. Sometimes I take a peek, I go over and I look, and I got my drink there because I just want to help him out. And I always ask before I grab because that's rude to like reach behind their bar. But this girl is like hanging on the bar. I see so many people come up and go, can I get a cup of ice? It's like they're slammed and you're asking them for more bullshit that you didn't pay for. It's just like just and I used to be one of those people. I used to bitch every single day on our on Sirious when I would get my Starbucks before I go if it wasn't filled to the top, I'm like, I paid for a Venti drink. I paid six dollars and seventy cents for a fucking steamed almond milk lat day. I want every inch of the cup covered. If I wanted a Grande, I would have gotten a Grande. You gave me Grande. And I used to get so mandy. It would like literally like that was the mood that my day would be set into is based on whether or not my Starbucks was filled to the top. And now I get what I get and I'm happy with it. And it's just like I just I'm not a perfect person, Like I still get frustrated by people who are rude or people who are really like today at Starbucks, I was like, really, like you're slammed and you're still moving at like the pace that I would if I was doing a Marie Condo like in ventory, you know, like where you're supposed touch everything and like gently, go do I want this in my life? Like that's the way this This girl was like looking at cups and just like picking up a cup like so gentle that. I'm like, you're more gentle with these cups when you have fourteen drinks to make that are already overdue. That. Then I was with Mary in this weekend and she has open wound like it was the same kind of like gentle slowness, and you know what. I was watching it and I was kind of just like laughing, and I was like, that is so cool that she can be that calm under this much protuct I'd be like and I'd be like knocking cups over. I mean probably my speed would actually make things worse. So if I can ask you of anything, ask anything of you besties, which is what I call my listeners. If you're a new listener, being like what the fund are you saying? Um? Just be nice to to anyone who you want to complain about to the manager, Like literally anyone. You don't know what's going on in their day. You don't know if they're struggling to get out of bed in the morning. You don't know if their husband just left them and they have to support two kids. You don't know if they live with their fucking parents who are abusive and sick, Like, you don't know, so and they're working at Starbucks. No one, no offense. May Actually I do want to work at Starbucks. There is a secret part of me that does want to work at Starbucks to prove to myself that I could be good at this job that I've watched and judged so many times. There's a part of me, a little undercover boss part of me that was to step in for a day, put out a fake mustache, and trick everyone. And then at the end, I'm like, I'm Nikki Glazer and they're like who. They're like, oh, the girl that gets like the craziest dring order every single day, and we like know it's coming because the printer breaks on the mobile order. No, just know that no one wants to be working the job that you're about to complain about. Like, that really helps me sometimes as I go. You know, um, let me give you an egg. Another example, Uh did it? You know? A FedEx? A delivery guy, Um, and the box he put the box in the on the you threw the box and it's a little dented. No one wants to be delivering your goddamn thing that you could have gone to the store and bought yourself if you just wanted to dry like. No one wants to be doing No one wants to work at all in fact, So just have compassion for the times where you didn't want to be at work. Put yourself in that exact mood that you remember where you hated every customer that walked in, and maybe have a little compassion for this person that's going through that and still still complained, and ask for what you want as a customer. But let's keep let's just ease off the like hanging over the bar at Starbucks and being like, um, so is this like can I get less ice? And then the woman has to throw at an entire VENTI drink because you wanted less ice. Take the ice out yourself and be on your way. Man, I don't know I maybe I'm just tired of people expecting things from employees who were paying minimum wage to literally minimum wages, such garbage and has not gone up with the fact that everything else has gone up. I don't really know anything about economics. Again, I'm speaking out of you know, outside my realm of knowledge. But anyone who is making if I wouldn't do the job for that much money, um, I let them slide, and I let them get away with literal murder because it sucks. Work sucks in Iceland. I heard just implemented a four day work week and it's killing, Like everyone so happy? Can we please get on board with that? How great would America be if we had a four day work week? Yes, your Starbucks might be closed on Friday or Monday, depending like really let people off work. The thing is I wouldn't be off work that that's another weekend for me to fucking go out and do shows. So it's not gonna benefit me. I mean financially it will, but I'm going to be exhausted. But you know, I just think I really hope that the headlines of reading about Iceland somehow seep into our collective consciousness as Americans and we and we relax and we have more. Just like what's I just working sucks and I have empathy for everyone who's doing a job that they hate people who are collecting, Like I have a trash room. Last example, there's a trash room in my building or on my floor. And it's very clearly states. You take the cardboard boxes and you flatten them as much as possible. You put them next to the recycling bin. It's very clean room. Most trash rooms in apartment plus is not that clean. Then with any cardboard that will not flatten, you put into a plastic This sets us on a sign in the room. You put it in a plastic bag, and you put those recyclables in a plast any plastic bag, and then you put it in the dumpster right the little dump thing. They only have one bin in there, recycling loose recycling, and then next to it flattened cardboard. Then there's a trash shoot a hole. You just stick your trash and you throw it down. Nothing bothers me more. Andrew will do this. No what Andrew does this? People don't think about people collecting trash. It's it's my bathroom. Example again, where you like you go into a bathroom at a restaurant or a bar, and there's a paper towels all over the floor because girls, you know, the bin is overflowed and now people are just throwing them and then it's falling and tumbling off, and now it's all over the floor. Someone has to pick that up. Someone has to remember that even when you wipe your couch and a little bit of toilet paper falls off maybe and tumbles to the ground, someone is going to have to sweep or pick that up. Some One, some muscles and cells in their body have to put an effort to clean up. After you think about that, It's just not like not room bas aren't ubiquitous yet they should be. I'm thinking of getting another room, but just to keep my room a company because I'm so obsessed with room ba. But what Sometimes I'll have a bunch of boxes and I'll go Andrew, can you flatten these and put them in? Can you go take these to the trash room. I won't even say flat Enom will take them to the trash room. And I've told him so many times. I go read the sign in the trash room because I want to respect the people that are cleaning up our trash and do it exactly how they want it so it's easy for them. And I go to the trash room so many times and there's full there's boxes that aren't flattened, just tossed next to the trash can, or there's loose uh items from our house inside the trash recycling bin that haven't been put in a plastic back. It is not that hard and it's but it's I used to be like that too, though, where it's like it's good enough, And especially when you're dealing with trash, like when you're taking some in the trash room, it's already trash in your hand. You're not thinking of it as this thing that someone has to deal with. Please, please get to a place where you are thinking about the people who have to pick up the trash. Trash does not disintegrate when it enters a bin or is on the floor keeping up your trash. Be nice to people who are working jobs that you wouldn't work, or that no one would want to work. We all got to work. Um, I have to do some jobs coming up then I don't want to do either, and but I'm getting paid really well for them. I have to say, I am very grateful that I am in a profession that I'm just lucky. It's luck. It doesn't have anything to do with anything else, and I'm grateful for it. But in doing so, I in having that money, I tipped generously to people who do not make as much. Always, always, always, always, if you can, always always tip like a If you're someone who's rich and you're not spreading your wealth, stop listening to podcast. I like you, all right, let's get Andrew in here. Hey, Andrew, how would you sleep like candy? Really? Actually? Well? Last night? I hit as for three and a half hours. Yeah, you know, I'm obsessed. I know I am. I get it, you know. And we both have obsessions that we we we do for hours a day and we feel guilty about it because it is not going towards anything else. Like I played guitar yesterday for like four hours. It's like it's it's just yeah, and we can't stop. I went, I took a lesson and the guy gives you balls to hit, and then I took out a medium balls and then which is seventy five balls. And then I took out a large balls which is add and ten. So I hit. I don't know fo golf balls yesterday. Yeah, I mean that's and I don't know if it's getting me better or making me worry. It's got to get me better, right, it's got to get you better. I mean, this is the times of things that you hear about. Um, you know, great basketball players they just like went home from school and just shot in there, uh driveway for like hours and hours and hours and hours and hours until they were like finally like starving and had to like collapse from like you know, like you just do it until doesn't it suck. There's a window of like pushing as hard as you can, practicing as much as you can, and everyone's like, yes, Darre hustle hard person. Maybe, um no, I mean as long as you like it. Like, what's your goal? Do you have a goal? My goal is I want to be a scratch golfer. I want to get down to at least single digits, maybe a five. I don't know what that means. So yeah, I was gonna tell you. So golf is judged by handicap, which your handicap is whatever you shoot over par So let's say part seventy two. If you shoot a seventy five, you're three handicap or whatever. So right now I'm probably a round of fifteen, so I want to lose ten. Now. The problem with golf is getting from fifty to twenty is easy, and twenty to ten is, but then tend to like five or tend to scratch, it's extremely difficult. Yes, Um, do you feel the golf is this obsession is taking you from things? What would you be doing with your time if it wasn't golf, Like what did you do before golf? I mean, ask me? I know, yeah, yeah, No, it's a good obsession, I think, and uh, it makes me a better a better human after I'm done hitting. Like, do you have any guilt that you're not working on other things? Because that's my guilt is like I should be working on my stand up. I should be uh you know, returning emails, recording ads that I do differently, like I have so much stuff piled up. I don't feel like you have that many things piled up that you're neglecting, so there's less maybe guilt with it. Yeah, I mean, look, I could obviously be writing more jokes. I have been working on material, but you know, I don't sit down. Sometimes I sit down and write, but yeah, I do feel a little bit like, oh ship this towards coming up. But then again I do. I know, but you say that, which you've a lot of times you say it, like, yeah, it's ten minutes. I would kill to just do ten minutes. I'm probably gonna have you do seven. To be honest with you, it's like it's a cakewalk. You're yeah, but why but you say it though, like, so, then why are you even practice if you're only doing ten minutes? Honestly, that's my question. I know, but obviously I want to be a good practicing I mean, what do you you're practicing? You say it very very rude, by the way, Okay, you always do it, you always go you on't even doing ten minutes? Why do hell do you care? Because it's still a thing for me, Like it's still like whether you're doing a minute or ten seconds, it's still it's not fair for me to compare to the time I have to do. Ye, you're right, you're right, but yes, your time is definitely more. But like, okay, so I only have ten minutes to prove to myself that I'm a good stand up and then Okay, if I only have ten minutes, why even be motivated to do anything? Right? Okay, well then that's a whole mind fucking itself. Then I so I got to write new jokes, but I already have a ten minutes that I know will do well. But it's like, why do yeah, because that's my I'm just jealous because you don't have to have new material. You know that you have a ten minutes set that like you know, crushes you don't people aren't going to go I heard that joke before. Yeah, I mean that that I'm just jealous is essentially where it's coming from. And I and I think that in the past, I would be like, oh my god, we're going on tour. I'd have this energy and I get that and you should be annoyed by that person. But I think, especially within the last year, like I I don't bring that energy to you, and I try not to just so you know, not just for you, but just for me. Like I don't have that energy anymore. Where it's like I don't know who I'm gonna do. I understand that I'm only doing Yeah, I've been a pill lately in general because of this tour and how I'm like, I literally don't know anything. I'm going to stay on stage. If I and I, if you told me tomorrow, if you told me tomorrow, hey Andrew here doing, we're switching it up, I'm gonna do ten. You do an hour, I probably want to hit that. Well, yeah, that wouldn't happen because I'm ready to do an hour. Like the thing is, this always happens to me. Whatever I have a tour pending and like something big is about to happen, I always get into a bad mood. I always procrastinate. I always don't work on the thing that I need to be working on, and it always turns out fine. Always it hasn't, hasn't ever not, So I have to trust that it's going to be fine, that me playing guitar is not taking from me being like I've been having nightmares every single night that I have to perform stand up and I don't know what I'm gonna say, and I keep trying to sing songs instead. And last night I opened for Ariana Grande at an arena like an ice skating arena, and it didn't go well. Um I was bringing Gary Goldman. It was Ariana Grande then me, then Gary and I I just like, no idea, what was gonna say? And I begged them to get me a guitar and my dad was like, we can't get your guitar here in time for some reason. My dad was there and so um, I just yeah, it's it's it's weird to enjoy something more than the thing you do for a living, and that's what you really want to do for a living, but you're not good enough at it. Like I really want to be a singer songwriter and that I'm not good enough at it yet. The thing is, as soon as I get on stage and I start doing stand up, it's like, oh, this is fucking awesome. I don't have to talk in metaphors. I don't need to worry about the chord changes and things sounding buzzy. Like that's the thing is Like when I'm playing songs now and I'm trying to get a repertoire together and trying to like perfect songs, there are times where it's like, oh, funk, that f was really buzzy and that that thing was off key or whatever, And I think about my stand up and I'm like, you, I was thinking about making a studio album and how literally they they don't do the song in one take, you know, it's like you'll do the chorus, it's like layered ten times. Someone's voice is layered ten times and not like harmonizing. My mom didn't even know this because we were singing Taylor Swift in the card. I go, Mom, do you know like every song you hear on the radio, like if it's a someone's voice, it's like their voice like ten times on top of itself. She was like no, And I'm like, yeah, that's why I like acapella sounds different than anything else, and because they have effects on the voices and stuff. But when you're making I could make a studio album that sounds great because you take each thing. Like if I was doing like blank space and be like nice to me too, where you been and I would just go nice to I would do it until it's like perfect, then we'll move on to the next part. I can't show your incredible thing. Oh I didn't like that. I can't show it. So live performances of artists with it's just guitar and their voice is like incredible. When they can do that perfectly, it's really rare. That you get it like perfectly and with stand up when you do. I was singing, oh with a special, the special is kind of like a studio album version of you know, like their equivalence, like this is the thing you put out that everyone shodges. Even in a special, I have extra words and buzzy things like it's it's specials can't be that perfect either. I've never done a joke perfectly. It's always going to sound different than unless you did, like a studio recording of it, But then it would lose all its ace. Yeah, and you only have two chances to make it right, like but it's perfectly imperfect. I guess you could say, like the idea that there's all this pressure, the idea that you only have two times. You know, all these things probably make you sharper in a way, like there's positives in it. Uh. The feeling of the crowd will make you probably probably perform the joke better or at least think it's funnier than if you were just in alone in a dark studio. Imagine saying your joke. I mean I have what I'm saying like sitting, so it would be that would be hard to do. But I just like, I don't know. I'm just nervous about I get. But the thing is everyone feels this way. Every artist has self doubts and like I'm not going to be good enough and all this stuff. It feels weird to say because people are like, I have ticket to your show and you think you're gonna suck. It's like, now I'm not gonna suck. You know, I'm gonna be good, Like this is what makes me the artist that you enjoy, is that I think I suck and think I'm tricking everyone into liking me. Like you said something yesterday, I was thinking about after the podcast where you go, I hate silence because I'm afraid if I'm silent too long, someone's gonna yell you suck. And from everything you say like that that negative, like you're just so negative to yourself in that instance where like what if it was quiet and someone goes, I love you, even though that would be kind of annoying to daring stand up, But I'm just saying, like changing that thought process of like if it is quiet, oh no, someone's gonna yell something positive because people there can I tell you what I do with that? Yeah, I wouldn't think that everyone who hated me would go God, why is that person saying I love you and encouraging this woman? How many people do you think hate I don't know women who are dragged by their husband who like saw my roast compilation, or like she's gonna roast us and she's like, I don't even want to do this, Jim, Well, I just she's hot. Noh, I resent that you even you probably just want to funk her. I hate this girl. She's raunchy. My kids. Uh, she's not Christian. Like there's there's certain people to get drug along to things that there's joys, And I'm thinking about that woman, and I'm thinking about people that why are you thinking? Well, I'm also thinking about everyone who might have expectations of like this is gonna be the best time in my life and like you know, or like this is gonna be I spend all this money and it should be this. I've been disappointed by movies before it walked out, like I'm always nervous about that, like, well, it wasn't as good as I wanted it to be. But it's not like that's kind of response, And you know, the person yelling I love you. I hate when people do that, even though it's so nice and I do like that that person loves me. It always feels like the student who's like you forgot to give us homework, and everyone hates that student of like, don't encourage this woman or the teacher. Don't tell it. You're not speaking for us, drunk lady. We actually hate her and we don't like where she's going with this. And and also I love you sounds like patronizing a little bit, like keep going, you've got this, So I mean that's the fear, is like the silence of I just don't want the audience to ever feel like I don't want them to ever feel awkward for me, because that's the worst as an audience member myself. I hate when I don't trust that this person knows what they're doing and the and the truth I'm telling you right now, I don't know what I'm going to be doing on stage, like I will have a set list picked out by then and like have nowhere I'm going with certain things. But so many comics nowadays, especially as COVID, are writing like come to you know, uh Jeff Smith's show, working out new material and they just lean. They lean into the fact that it's all new and yet what's going to happen. Well, that's that's actually a great device, and I wish I would have done that because that is the truth. Like, I will be working on new material and when you say that, no one can get mad if it's shitty, because you're you're bringing them in. Yeah, but it's also honest, and for some reason people want to maybe come see it more. People like that, people like the grittiness of it. Oh, I'm seeing the process. I'll tell you. I'm always in process. There's I'm in process. Even when I'm on the Tonight Show or Conan. Sometimes I'll work out a bit that I'm like, I thought of this in the shower once, but I've never said it. Okay, I'll say it now. So that's always going on with me. I just I I'm just having a day of self doubt and I'm being I'm a little depressed today. I don't know why, um, and it's manifesting in thinking that I'm a fraud and as I have to perform what is it Thursday, Saturday nights our show at Waterloo. I'll be fine as soon as I grabbed the mic. I'll be fine. I will be fine. There's never been a time I'm not fine when I grabbed the mic. Never. But leading up to it, I've never had a job. I don't dread until this podcast, by the way, and that includes stand up. I just want to say, if you're listening to this podcast, I look forward to this show every single day. I get a little nervous when we have guests because I want to be good for them, but other than that, I have no nerves. I love everything. And I've literally never had a job like that. Never in my life have I had a job. And I'm I'm just saying this about like and you know what an f boy island as well. Never dreaded that either, because it was just I got to be myself much like this. It was in paradise, it was with a bunch of friends. But stand up, I will. I remember my ex boyfriend saying, why do you do this thing that you seem to hate the whole way up to it, and I really did. I'd be like, I don't want to go do a set. I'd be driving a we're being like, oh that set, And then I grabbed the mic and I'm like so happy. So I don't know what it is is that I'm just trying to think, like, well, you did a lot ish. I mean, you've been doing this for sixteen seven whatever, never been excited about going on stage unless unless I know I'm unless I really know what I'm about to do and there's someone in the audience that I want to impress. That's the only time I'm like, I can't wait to get up there. Look, I mean, I'm in the same boat. But as soon as I get up there, I want audiences to know, because this would really bump me out if I was someone who was buying a ticket to my show. I want you to know as soon as I grab the mic, I have the most fun. I'm so present in that moment and I truly have a great time. And I'm actually organizing this stand up set for this one that I'm taking out to be that to be really fun and like different and we're gonna try a bunch of different stuff and yeah, and I and I have to work music into it somehow, And I know that might make people like, oh god, she's getting a guitar out. It will be funny. I promise to not disappoint you and make you bored. Yeah, I mean, do you tried? And Andrew will get his three minutes, He's gonna do seconds. So it's gonna be I'm gonna go out, There're gonna smile, I'm gonna show you guys my muscles, and then I'm gonna go backstage. But you know what, I'm gonna be scared. Hilarious. If you brought out your driver, I should wear golf clothes on stage, it would be a look, wait, what were you just about to say? No? No, you know one, I don't want you to feel alone, like I feel that, like I don't hate it, but like I don't. I'm very afraid the whole time leading up to that, I'm not going to do well. So it's obviously like horrible from my anxious person anyways. So it's like this is like just leading into like yeah, I feel I don't feel that going into this or going to hit golf balls. But after you get it and you fucking nail it, that's the beauty of it. Like if you didn't have that feeling, you wouldn't care. Honestly, I don't even celebrate the nailing it. Yeah, you don't even do that, but I have fun in the moment on stage, and then forwards, I'm like, that was fun, But I don't go I did it. I never do that. I do think though, like you haven't. You've done stand up a lot in l A, but you haven't done an hour in a while. And this is the first hour. It's there's a lot of lead up, and I think, by like fucking week seven, it's like, you're not even gonna have these. I think it's gonna be one night one. It's going to fly by, like an hour. It seems like a lot, but it does fly by. We gotta get to the news talking about flying. But apparently Thursday, baby, you heard it here first. Oh my god, I'm looking at that Celsius. What are you feeling about it? Honestly, I think that's what made me sick yesterday. I think Celsius is truly caused me to have a flu like reaction. I'm not joking you. That's not the first time you drank it. I know the other time I drank it too, I felt the same symptoms, and I thought it was because I had um cells in your ass. Yeah, I thought it was because I had um sex and I had like a foreign matter in my body, but it wasn't that. It's it's it's Celsius. It is for pouring your Yeah, I mean yeah, I'm saving my mouth for marriage. I do see it. Celsius can waiting for you at the end of the aisle. Oh my god. But no, I think Celsius fucked me up. Yusterday. Well, Celsius is still going strong for me, So I'm glad you like it. Dust Empoia, don't get mad at me. Yeah, my stomach is turning just thinking about it. That's interesting. I think it's the Celsius. I'll try it again another time. We'll test it. That's the news. I hope you're having a great time out there. You're gonna have an amazing weekend and all the swells because you're gonna see us in water. Luo. Yeah. No, wives are gonna die. I bet you three wives die. Maybe not our listeners nationwide. Do you think one of our listeners has died since starting? Probably? No, boy, I mean someone just wrote in and said, Noah goes, No, no, no, let's not let's skip that. I mean I think about that over here sometimes. When I had a baseball game Yeah, I'm at a base Pantera Queen of darkness over here. Uh No, whenever I'm at a baseball game and I see like a crowd of people, I go someone someone here is going to die, like in the next month, like tech, Like you know, odds are someone here will not be here in a month. Did you ever see the documentary of the guy at the Yeah, you show me the Larry Data game. Oh my god, it's amazing. It's called The Long Shot. Yeah, you just gotta see on Netflix. Please watch The Long Shot on Netflix. It's a very short documentary and it will blow your mind. And then write to us and tell us how happy you are that we told you to watch it. All right, So, teachers from around the world confess on the secret sharing app Whisper how they spend their summer. This is the one whereas range from shocking to the pressing. So one is like, you know, I'm a teacher on myself whispers this app. Or you can like much like post secret or people needs to write on postcards and uh say secrets that they didn't tell anyone. So this one says, I'm a teacher during the school year. My secret I work as a pro dom dom d O m m E. That's a female dom h. During the summer, I make way more money with my second job. Hell yeah. I mean, like, if you are able to crack into the sex industry and do it safely and uh that is a great way to make some side cash. I'm not advocating it, but this is what people have to do now. I was just talking about this at the top of the show. People with fucking shitty jobs because no one gets paid enough to do fucking anything. You gotta you know, whip some guy that wants to be couckled. You know, like you tie up a businessman and spit in his face and then you you make more than you did all day at Starve. It's like wild, Oh my god. On the celebrity gossip thing, apparently there's a comedian who gets visited many many times by uh Dom's like like it gets prostitutes constantly to um tie them up and call them a little pussy boy and stuff like that name. I mean, I think it's all of them. I'm like, that could be any of them. They all hate themselves, you know, like too, I like it to to be tied up and said and made to do things, you know, and I don't like to be degraded, but most comedians don't like themselves. It kind of takes low self esteem, and so that is that's probably something that a lot of comedians would be into. I love this teacher thing because it's like during the summer, I am like they have like this like alter ego, and it's like you could dom on the weekends, Like you don't have to wait till the summertime. That's true, but but also on the weekends you're working all week and so you want to have your weekends free. Yeah, I guess, but I mean how long does it take the dom? Yes, I get it, it's it's still a job. I mean, like to do stand up. I do like this app too, because it's like it's anonymous, so they could just write their own and be like, wow, we're getting so many writers in and it's like you can make your own all day long with this app. What do you mean, like like it's called you could just lie. Yeah, yeah, I mean it's kind of like anything. Yeah, but especially this because it's a teacher. I have the summer off and have gotten into the habit of daily drinking and it's fantastic. Okay, well that is not gonna I'm glad you're having fun with it. Now have your fun, because that is a one way to get to hell. I'm a teacher. In my summer consists of smoking weed, playing video games, and eating junk food. I mean, that's like kind of like my my life too. The summer holidays are the only time I feel like my old self. I've been miserable since I became a teacher. Yeah, teachers shout out to teachers, talk about people who are underpaid for what they do. You know how I feel about teachers. I love all of you so much, and I'm so sorry you have to deal with all the parents who are feel so entitled now to that their kids the best and every it's just teachers. I don't know how you do it. I'm a teacher and I can't wait to go back to school. My students teach me more about life than anything else. Summer is lonely. Oh well, that's a nice little uh. The other side of things, I mean, some teachers, I'm not saying they don't take pride in what they do and I don't need to thank them in terms of like thank you for doing this miserable thing. Some of you really enjoy it, but you should be paid. One. I would feel like teacher parent conferences is like us going on stage, like I would be, I would dread. I would love that. Really. Yeah, I mean, I know it's a task that teachers have to do that they're like, oh god, I'm not even getting paid for these hours, and it sucks, but I don't mind it. So if my student, if my son was a C student, I came in, I go, look, I just I don't think you're teaching. Well, what are you I think my son actually has a lot of potential. Yes, he's a C student. I just don't think you're doing your job correctly here. I I have it shown that he didn't turn in homework this day, this day, this day, this day, and he got this on a test. I gave him extra time he came. I offered to tutor him during his off hours. I have all the evidence to show that I'm doing all I can. I don't know what to tell you. Yeah, but you know, I guess you're putting in all this effort, But obviously your effort is not that I'm a public school teacher and I've got paid enough, and you're probably a rich dad who's trying to get out of his taxes which actually contribute to me getting paid. So I don't really feel like I need to hear any gruff from you. You're going to say I have grown and sir, you know i'll see you this summer when you hire me to tie you to your bed and piss in your mouth. Look, that has nothing to do with this. I think it has anything to do with it. Fucking pussy bitch. Oh my god, and see you're right, my son is stupid. Next, alright, seven year old woman died not a listener to the show on the Voyager in Indiana after tearing an artery. So this was amazing, So they maybe it is amazing. This is exhilarating the woman's death. Was there a picture of it, just like a one moment or she just has excess? They got a photo of the dear I'm sorry to this woman and her family keep going. So there were three things that caused a death, which I thought was pretty impressive, severe internal blood loss, the tearing of an artery, and the force from the roller coaster, which the last one doesn't really go with the other two. Are like in your body and the other ones like and the roller coaster was rough. Yeah. Um. But and then it says the last quote, which I thought the corner goes. It was a reaction her body had from riding the ride. It had nothing to do with a malfunction or anything as far as safety and that type of thing. I mean, anything that caused you to you know, it's this is unfortunate. But it sounds like at least she went out doing something. I don't know. It's why I wonder what, I mean, should people avoid these rides if they have what internal bleeding? It's like COVID. It's like, don't go out if you're out of shape, don't go on a ruller. I should a roller coaster be more like be like, do you look a little unhealthy? I mean I came from a roller My friend had a stroke when she had an orgasm because it was such a rush of blood and she had um. She had any underlining illness that underlining or underlying underlying, I think is the word illness that caused her to have um like she had she had lyme disease in which she had an orgasm all of her blood like shot around and she had a stroke because of no. No No, So like if you have something else going on, things that cause body to have chemical responses that are abnormal to like the day to day life are going to set these things off. Well that's the thing too, Like do you how much how many times should you go to the doctor and check to see if you have underlying? Like it could drive you insane because you could have an under any day. You're not getting a brain scan because that's it's you know, it's expensive, it's probably out of pocket, but you can see like the blood flow to your brain. And I follow this doctor that's like justin Bieber's doctor on Instagram. He's always talking about blood flow to the brain is the biggest indicator. Does he wear cool glass No, He's like he looks like it's like this cool Oh yeah yeah yeah No. This guy is doctor Amen or something. Sounds pretty cool to me. Yeah. He but he says that you know, you can tell in a brain scan like if what's going on, like a lot of what's going on, it's all about blood flow to your brain to predict dementia and all these things. And he says that pot smoking pot is like definitely bad for your brain health, Like there's just no evidence to say that it's good for you, that's making you smarter, that it's doing it. And you know, obviously as someone who smokes spot a lot, I just like, don't I hate I'm trying to smoke enough pots, so I forget that I read those things. But like the blood froot, I would like to maybe see the imaging on a thing that shows me that the blood flow of my brain is not ideal, and then it might make me take drastic measures to like improve it, or I want to keep living in denial. I don't know sent me stuff to help because I made like an outreach. No, just said, like I have a lot of guilt associated with smoking pot all the time, even though it makes me um not want to kill myself or not have like depression and anxiety. There's something about smoking weed that makes me feel instantly better and calm and everything's okay and everything will get done, and you are a a sweet person and everything's okay, and you're just like trying to get bought Like it really calms me, which is not the normal reaction for most people. When you look at weed addiction, like I you know, I've talked about being in the reddit form leaves, which is about quitting pot, and everyone in there is like my anxiety went away when I stopped all this, Like we'd cause my anxiety. We've caused me to like isolate and stay in my room all day and not get things done. And we doesn't do that for me. And so I'm really just like struggling with what to do next. I mean, I have to figure out something to do next because I can't smoke weed the rest of my life. I just can't. I don't want to be us, I mean, and and some part of it like fuck it, I'll just be an ant who smokes joints here and there, like who cares? That's who I am. The problem is I have to have I have to be. I have to accept it about myself and not feel shame. And that's where I'm still. I still feel shamed because I want to be a singer. It's impacting my singing because it's inhaling smoke. Yeah. Where doesn't negatively impact you is my short term memory when I'm high, um my lungs. Although I can still run like the fucking wind, um my logopacity, I don't feel has changed at all in terms of like that. But you know it makes my voice. You can definitely hear when I'm smoking weed and when I'm not in my voice like, uh, there's like a thing. So that's where I'm mostly insecure about it, because anything that affects my career, I start going, you have to quit. This can not every other thing in my life. Yeah, you're not a weed smoker. Where I see you smoking, you're like, yeah, like you're you're more if anything, I don't know. I mean, I mean, you see me before and after, what are you What are your observations? Do you even notice? Yeah? I notice, I notice a happier mood. I notice you being more easy going, U more cheerful. Yeah, so why wouldn't I smoke weed all the time? Like maybe you could get there without it, I guess would be how And then someone else wrote to me about just maybe just CBD. So I'm gonna try some other things and see what happens. But thank you so much to the listener. Um the best you sent in all that that little care package that was so freaking nice, and um, I'll keep talking about it and figuring it out. I don't know. Look, I mean, as long as you're aware of it, right, Like I mean, you could just be like either a fucking I'm a fucking weed head, or you could be like it's like, no, I don't have a problem. I don't have an addiction. You have an addiction, Like yeah. But that's where I find the biggest problem with it is because I acceptance is one thing in admitting like, yeah, I smoke a lot of weed and I'm not proud of it, But not being proud of something that you do, it's like, like, I just that causes me a lot of like shame, even if I'm being honest about it, admitting something that is bad that I'm doing. I just want to just be okay with it or I want to stop it. But you know, it's just it's a it's a process. I'll get there. Um TikTok To responds to a plane passenger's foot on the armrest by pouring water on her bare feet. So I don't know if it's necessarily a woman though, because the totes will carry. Okay, So it's a guy sitting there and he's doing like a selfie kind of shot, and there's someone sitting behind him that is so funny. That is so gross that someone would put that. I put my foot up on the rest. That is my classic move. But I never put it that much into someone like the person would never see it. It never enters into like past there you can't go into their zone. And I always wear a sock or I put a blanket over my foot with I don't do a bear sock either, even that's gross. I'll put a blanket over my foot or um or a shoe. I mean you crawl up in ways on an airplane that I don't myself Like the guy sneaking into Oceans eleven, I was thinking of the same guy. Can I contour myself into a tiny time? You probably could do that as like on stage, like get inside the live I can get really really tiny. I'm so little. We should just pay one ticket. I'll put you in a little Samson night. I really probably could get into one of those. There's this hilarious rumor that Taylor Swift when she was living at Cornelia Street, at this famous apartment she lived in where people would just line up outside all hours of the day, that for after a while she was just like fuck it, And they have all this footage of like these guys hauling these suitcases out and she They're like, she's in the suitcase. And it's like Taylor definitely went out in a suitcase. And I love that. I would definitely do that. I mean, what do you what do you do if that's an unruly guy? Would you pour water on someone's foot? Like do you tell them? I mean, was this No? I do the same thing because I wouldn't put so much. That guy definitely didn't handle that well, you think really, I think they just were like, oh shoot, and if it escalated, good. You love an escalation. I'm so afraid of an especially in public, like because I don't know where it's gonna go, I'm nervous that it's going to go into embarrassed for me so often, well it could get embarrassed, I know. But I think there are things that I do sometimes in public. And Andrew will like talk about curling into a ball and trying to escape, Like Andrew cannot take any kind of like confrontation, confrontation. And you know me, you just listen to me talking about how much I respect waiters and people that are working, you know, these these jobs where maybe I have some convernation. It's never I'm never rude. Yeah yeah, no, I I just yeah, I don't like if you see something that's not going well from like across the way. I'm trying to think of an example, but you'll go excuse me, uh like the idea that okay, the perfect example. We were at lunch, me, you and your mom. The guy was listening to something on his phone too loud. Oh my god, was so embarrassed because of the guy's presence. Like I was like, I'm going to have to fight the guy. You wouldn't but you're not going to fight him? Well, I would not allow a fight at it. I'd be like, let's go, like it wouldn't have gotten to the guy's energy. Was what happened. Okay, So oh so Nikki was like, excuse me, sir, no, no, no, We're sitting at this table. It's me, my mom, and Andrew next to us. There's a guy listening to his phone and it's loud. It's like he's watching TikTok or some video and it's like loud, and it's right next to our table, and I just go excuse me, like very excuse me, and he he obviously can hear me because I'm louder than the sound he's listening to on his phone without headphones, and he's just ignoring me, completely ignoring me, And I go, excuse me, can you turn that down please? Totally ignored, like honestly, like just acting like I don't exist, and it's so awkward, and I go, I think I started going. I go, oh, okay, you can't hear me. Okay, thanks so much. Yeah, it's not root at all what you're doing. Thank you, sir. Like I just like kept it going and well not like I just go, oh, I didn't know you were an ass I go. My mom goes, Nick, he's not good. He didn't hear you, And I go, yes, he can hear me, Mom, he's just choosing to be an asshole. I just said it like loud enough because the guy was. I mean, it was to beat someone in public who listens to their phone. You. I literally, if you were someone in public that listens to your phone without headphones on, stop listening to this pot no, no, no, stop listening to this podcast. I don't want I don't want anything to do with you. I think you are scumb you are you don't care about anyone else but yourself. It is the mark of a true sociopathic narcissist. I think that is one. If I'm serious, if we could just uh put in prison every single person who does this, the world would be cleaned up of murders, of rapists, I'm not kidding you, abusive parents. That is. That is a tacit and harmless indicator of sociopathic tendencies if they're a certain age, because there will be like a oh yeah, teenager, I would say eighteen and above if you're sixteen. The above I'm not even gonna give you is when your brain really stops developing. And above and if you're not drunk, I'm taking um intoxication. Now this this guy was sober ship too. He was like very steady. But can I say for this guy's arguing? I argue for this guy. We had Marian and Luigi there and every three every time the waiter would come, they try to bark and bite the waiters. So that guy is like fuck you, because I could see him being like, fuck you. You brought your dogs? Yes, so the same thing I think that guy was thinking the same thing. Say two things. The first time the dogs barked I said, I'm going to run them upstairs. I told the both waitresses that they were barking. I go, I'm going to run these dogs upstairs because my apartment was block away. And they go, no, no, no, it's fine, and I go, I want to run them up No, no, no, it's fine. So they lest that every time the dogs barked, I apologize profusely. I did something to try to change the situation and calm them. I I, you have a point, because I do hate people that think they're dogs are just allowed anywhere I can. I can sometimes resemble one of those people by my actions of bringing my dogs in places, and sometimes they do misbehave, and I'm mortified, and I hate that I'm one of those people, but I take care of it right away. I don't. And sometimes my phone starts playing loudly in public and I don't even realize it until a second later, And then when I do, I am fucking mortified, and I apologize, and I like cower and I get into a little Ocean's love and box because I'm so embarrassed. That's the difference. Let's get to our sports moment. Control your phone, you can't control your You can control your phone easier and can control a dog. Yeah, that's a good point. I wish Marian had a volume on her or dogs had little volumes where you could just put silent and then they vibrate and little headphones in so you can only hear them when oh my god, that's cute, or when they attack someone, you could hear it. Okay, Sports Moment gears Andrew's weekly sports moment. So when re recorded, sounds happy this week? Okay, a diamond we I showed you this. A Diamondbacks dad, which a Diamondbacks dad is able to catch a foul ball with the same hand he's holding his baby and he manages to save his Is not a Diamondbacks dad a diamond Backed fan? Is that a fan of the Diamondbacks? Yes? Okay, so a diamond Backs Arizona diamond who's a dad is carrying a baby in one hand and he catches a fly of foul ball. What is this kind of a foul ball? Foul ball with the same hand he is holding the baby, he and his handing holding a beer with the other hand. If you haven't seen this, it's incredible. He like, I feel like all every player should have a baby in their hands, put it in the shortstop. I mean, it's it's so fun. How does he throw? How does gravity work here? Though? Because he throws his baby, he must have thrown his baby up a little bit. The baby's dropping and he scoops it lower, so the baby. He sees the ball coming, he reaches for He drops the baby just in time. The baby has no support for about point zero eight seconds and then he grabs the ball. Oh my god, scoops up the baby. It is barely spills the drink like spills the drink like like, I mean this he is? Has he been interviewed? Has he been uh found? And have we done a m you know like podcast series ad for this guy? Yeah? I mean one. A lot of people were upset. A lot of people will go drop your beer. Catch with your right hand. Obviously the guy is probably a righty, so he catches with his left hand, which his baby is in. Uh do you do you let the foul ball go? Did he save the person? Baby? Fine? The beer? You would have been ruined. The baby would have been fine if if the baby was not scooped up. It was a small fall. He would have landed on one of the like it would have been fine. You're saying the baby would be and you're you're worried about the beer, not worried about the beer. But if you had to make a choice, he knew he could do it, and sometimes you take a risk. The risk is the baby falls three feet to the ground and it will be fine. If that baby fell and he caught that ball, that guy would be treated like the devil, like the fact like he would. He wouldn't be able to go out at night. He would get what's it called docs? Right, right, I'm serious. If that baby fell and had a little blood on her forehead, Oh my god, you're you're so right? Well, I mean, that's the risk he took and it paid off. It's crazy, but I think that guy is a hero. And I love that clip. Yeah, if you read the comments, people who could do those people all beat their children and they honestly anyone who is mad about that. You you've hurt your child before, you've done something similar, and you hate yourself for it, and you're projecting and you couldn't catch that ball. You loser any new comments on these things, and it goes I would never how could she hold her there's a picture of Emily Radojowski holding her baby that everyone's like attacking because her baby is like neck isn't supported. It's kind of like, you know, and it's so stupid because she posted this picture. She's not a bad mom because the baby's head was a little bit tilted the side and like wasn't supported for one second for a picture. Go funk yourself. The people that are mad about that, I bet you anything, they are the worst parents and they hate themselves for it and they'll never admit it. Yeah. It's like when Michael Jackson held that baby off the off the railing. I was like, oh, big deal. So the baby drops ten story. That was wild. That was so that was blanket right, Blankets walking around right now? Like in person, there's someone that goes to start and goes, uh, what's your name? Blanket? And do you think people go, oh my god, are you the like yes, are you the only blanket? Blanket is such a weird name. I think that's the worst baby name. Of her baby's name. I don't remember. Yeah, it's something like yeah, it's something like that. All right, let's get to fan tracks. This is where we read through your fan mail well or like just you know, listener mail. Uh. This could be just a voice memos things you right into the show. What's what's what we got today? No? Uh, okay, this is from a bestie. Uh. Yes, Sarah, I don't know if we were going to do anonymous, but that's a later one, she says, vulnerable d M. But I feel we're besties. Love it. Okay. You've talked about on previous POT episodes about anal sex in an honest and realistic way that is so on point what it's really like versus how it's depicted. Important. It would be awesome if you could take a segment to go into detail about your advice on how to make it work in the reality of the situation. My boyfriend meant and wanting to try anle and I'm down to to be I'm down to do it, but I would love first to hear what's really going down. I'm the real bestie, but he's basically a bestie two with how much he listens with me, and I know he loves it because if he's too if it's too quiet, he asked me to turn it up. That's so sweet. Okay, Um, what do you want to know. Let's talk about it. UM. I don't know that I can tell you much more than like a good Google search will do. But here's what I'm gonna tell to your boyfriend. There's no way to be sure that something weird isn't gonna happen. Something unsavory will happen. It can always happen, it doesn't, a lot of times. There are ways to prep for that. Um, make sure that the person is relaxed, and you use way more lub than you think you need. UM and go very slow, be very encouraging, be very um and and use a vibrator on the other parts to like make everything as relaxed as possible. I would say, get, don't try anal like right away. I would say, after you've like maybe after she's already about to like you know, she's already loosened, like really horned up. You know, like this isn't something that you just like stick it in right away. And yeah, and also just like be totally on board with ship being everywhere if that because that could happen. So just be on board that you're gonna make it. If that happens, it's it's most likely not going to happen. But if you put plastic down, like like like a woman on a nice couchet, get a towel that has a dark color to it, and do it in the dark, and oh you know what I used. I um, I had a make made a hole like so like when I do it and there's a towel down that's like a darker colored towel, you're like Dexter before he kills someone. And I have I have a whole mood set. I might lava lamp on that just gives us just enough light. And I put one of those tushy wipes that we got, the disposable tushy wipes. What are they called fair Weather Yeah something tail weather tail feathers ship. They send us a bunch of free ones. We gotta, we gotta. There's a disposable tushy wipe that they send us. And I grabbed one of those and I pre opened it so that it's like was right next to the bed in the little can like it's it's like sticking out of the top, like to go, yeah, you already have a cigarette? Yes, So I said this. I go, there's a after we're done, I go, there's a there's a wipe there for your for you and for any like, I just want everything to be clean, like everything to be certificate on the wall. It sounds like you made this really professional and um, so you've done a towel that isn't going to have like stuff on it where you're not going to see it as much if it if there is something there, you get a wipe so that when you're done, there can be like, uh, just a quick cursory wipe of his toy. Or can I ask a question? When you wipe your butt, do you go deeper with the white beforehand? Can you try to go as deep as possible with your own finger? Well, let's say the other night I was like I had really let's say hypothetically, no, let's not. Let's say I mean the other night, I knew that I was going to have a partner over to do some stuff with, and I thought maybe that kind of thing would happen, even though we didn't discuss it, even though it's like literally all we do. And I was like, Okay, I had a really good BM before where it was like cleaned out, you know, like one where you're like, okay, that movement had a really good one hours before and it was like, I feel good. And then when I took a shower right before, and I made sure to like stick my finger up there and like put try to like try to, like, but it's hard to get your finger up your ass when you don't have lube and water is not very lubricating. So I, um, yeah, I stuck it up there and just see if if there was anything or if I could feel anything or whatever, and I was like, oh, it seems good. And then I was good. But um, but I am going to get like douches from love Honey, which is our new sponsor. They have like anal um douches like squeegees things. So go to love honey dot com and they have a whole anal prep kit. Go by that and then you douche with saline water. And if you douche over and over and it runs clean, you have nothing to worry about. And that's truly the greatest part about it is when you have nothing to worry about and you can really just lean into how good and weird and like dirty and wrong and but great? Do you recommend um? And also put on style? Do you? Yeah? Just like any music it's just like very good anal music because the guy's already yelling and supersonic black hole. Wait do you but do you recommend anal or do you recommend missionary anal likes? I recommend laying on your back. Laying on your back, I recommend that, And I also recommend um just going really really slow. Guys. A lot of times I think seeing porn like just pounding. Do not do that. Definitely don't do that. There's many chambers to your ass of the first one you'll get through, well, your asshole is like I'm sorry to get some detail, but like your asshole is like tight, and then it's gonna open up like after that, right, Like it's not going to be continually tight like a vagina is, like a vagina is consistently the same kind of almost the whole the way through your asshole has like a ring, then there's an opening, then there's another ring, then there's an opening. It's almost like a clown's balloon that they're about to make like a thing with. So each chamber you have to like get through slowly. So just because you get past that first tightness does not mean you're not going to hit another tighter thing to get through. So it's just it's that's why it's just very very slow and then and then see how that feels, and then you can work up to getting just like just pounded. Interesting. Next next listener. Alright, Okay, I am seven, and I have a decent body that I've worked on loving and finally got there. My husband thinks I'm too old and it's inappropriate to wear a bikini that shows too much of my ass. I wish he'd be proud of me, but instead he wants to make sure I'm covered in public. Just would like your opinion if you have a second. Thanks Nikki. Okay, yeah, this this person wrote in yesterday and wants to remain anonymous. Do you want to take this one? Because I've got I mean, obviously, it makes me very angry that the husband's not comfortable with her and she works really hard, she can do whatever the hell she want. What do you think this is about that? Andrew, He's it's it's you're my wife, you're my woman. I don't He's insecure. He doesn't want other guys, uh, you know, checking her out. Yeah, here we go. It's not because you look bad in the suit. Or because it's too much, or because you look slutty, or because it makes you look stupid, or you don't look cool and you don't look God. It's because you look good and he is threatened because he doesn't look as good and he knows you look good, and he doesn't want other people admiring how good you look. He doesn't want you to feel too good because I'm sure he's a very nice guy. If you start feeling too good about yourself, you won't stay with someone who who's like him because he doesn't like himself. I'm sorry to tell this to you. Your husband's insecure, and he needs to keep you insecure, to keep you because someone who who doesn't like themselves has to make sure the person that they're with also does not feel like they deserve better, because if they do, then they'll leave you. So what he's doing here is trying to keep you. He's terrified he's gonna lose you because he sees you improving himself. He's doing nothing, probably to improve himself, and he's scared he's gonna lose you. This is a classic behavior of just not he's going, but he'll he'll change it. Let me tell you a girl, this guy. What do you do? So then how do you approach it? Say? I like it, it makes me feel good. I'm not doing it too. It has nothing to do with you. I don't. I don't care about your opinion on it. Honestly, I think I look great. And if you don't, then what if he goes, well, then I'm not going to the pool with you. I'm not going. Okay, I see you later. I won't see you at the pool, and um, and he will get so fucking man. But because now you're in the thong without him there, well maybe honey, you need to go work on yourself so you feel as confident about your body as I do. Because your issues with my body have nothing to do with me nothing, And I don't really want to hear about it. And well, it's not about my body. It's more about like I just think decency wise, you know, that's you know, I don't. There's like kids around and people are going to judge you, and you're asked like they're so like like he might start he might go from being like you look slutty, which is telling you you look good, by the way, when he's like that's indecent. He's saying you look good like that, you look tontalizing, and if it's not, if he's using the it's not appropriate around kids and families, that means you look hot, right, But then when that doesn't work, he will then shift to you look fat. He'll start shifting to you look bad because saying you look good is not working. You're seeing you look too sexy isn't working, so he's gonna switch. I guarantee this will happen. He will switch to you look bad, you look ridiculous, you look stupid, And it's all because he's so scared of losing you. Because if he the thing is, if he actually thought that you looked bad in that, and I was like, wow, my wife has confidence even though she like, he wouldn't say it that way and he wouldn't present it this way. This is totally a man who's threatened, and it's it's just textbook behavior of an insecure man. And you're too old to be doing that. Fuck you, you could so jealous of your confidence and he's really threatened by it. And I can tell that you just got it and you're just you're just now beginning to love yourself and like accept the body that you're in and embrace your aging. And it's terrifying to men who have men and women do this too. They benefit from when someone has low self esteem and when you start to change and have high self esteem, it's not going to work for them. You're going to have these run ins where they are not when you change and your partner doesn't. It's it doesn't mean that you should stop changing and go back. Keep changing and maybe you'll outgrow him, or maybe he'll see that he needs to start changing too. But you're doing everything right. Keep wearing that swim suit. I can't wait to see you. I love it all right, Let's check out some voice. Hey, Nikki, Noah and Andrew. I'm a huge fan. I've been listening to Nikki since you Had to Be There and the Puddles since the first episode. Congrats. By the way, I have a story about something that I witnessed and it was so that I almost shriveled up into a ball and die it. I was driving my car through a neighborhood with a lot of bars and cafes, and there's a stop sign on every corner to limit the speed of how fast traffic can drive through this area, and all of a sudden, this huge group of guys on like motocross bikes drive by, blow through all the stop signs, revenue engines as loud as possible and driving on their back wheel, just blowing past these people just having a nice afternoon in the cafes, showing off. And it was sould that I really just couldn't stand it. So hopefully that passes the test. I love the Poe with the great work and don't be could yeah, don't be. I mean, I hope you screamed at them, because it is amazing how much could really does get your anger and like make and the person might not even know what could means, and they probably couldn't hear it over their engines, and you know the I'm going guessing they were blaring my dream would be or something, and he looks across the restaurant and someone else's going, kid, the did you just say, yeah, it's like fight club And then look at each other and they go they wink or something some kind of Remember when the engines were revving and I almost said something those guys and you curled into a ball of embarrassment. You were so mad. I was just breathing in the something you did say something? Yeah, I know, I go, Can you guys go? Can you like go? Because you're you're just burning diesel and we're breathing it in. It was bothering. I get that. And look, I love I would be they have motor school, but you're yelling at seven guys or motorcycles to get out of there. And I know I didn't say get out of there? I go, can you guys go? Because it's like really hard to breathe this in. That's all I said. Like it was very nice. Look I get it. You're you're keeping your engine going for fucking three minutes because you want attention. It's just like, God, you could do that wheelie anywhere else. Just yelling your wife about being in a bikini she doesn't belong in. That's an easier way to deal with your anger than blowing through a stop sign and doing wheelies. I'm just kidding. These are all the same kind of behavior, so that they're all just men being like I don't think I'm enough and it's like you're not, so go read a book. I guess the only thing with the wheelie like you do a wheelie by yourself, right, you don't get that feeling cool feeling. It is a cool feeling, but if it's just for you, it's not that cool. But if you do it in front of people, there's a stop sign. If you don't stop sign. But you know what I mean, Like if you do, there's more at risk, so it feels more of like like you know, yeah, So I get that. I get why you would do. I just wish they were wearing helmets and they wouldn't break the laws to do them. But I do enjoy a wheelie. My stepbrother did a wheelie one time for me and my buddy Rusty. Yeah, and he's like, checked this out and he went out no helmet, just wearing Jake, this brave and the snake wouldn't give a funk. What kind of swimsuit you wore as an older woman. I love it. He's confident. He's so confident he did wouldn't give a funk. He'd probably let you funk other guys for sure. Oh my god, he's so open. I think I belong with him. I set it up tomorrow. Alright, So Jake the Snake does a wheelie and he's only wearing tomorrow, you'll set it up. You're like today he's busy today, he's working on air conditioners. But he does a wheelie and he falls and he scrapes his ass, like when you're doing a wheelie for your buddies, like two buddies, Like you're gonna fall, but you're not gonna like so you gotta like play it cool. Yeah, but he's like his ass was like on the sidewalk. Yeah, he left his ass on the side. Final thought. I hit a guy with my car pulling out of a gas station one time, Like I was just you know, pulling out, but I was getting ready to go into a road that's like thirty miles, so it was like deliberate pull out of a guess hit this guy. Wump. I like you that that? Yeah, dude, I rolled over. I ruined his bike and he was so embarrassed that he fell off the bike and I was limping away that he didn't want to stay in exchange information so that maybe I could be accountable for it. I go, do you want my not not like, and he just limped away because he was so embarrassed that he was like a hot guy that fell like falling is so humilious. When I got hit by car and I landed in the street and my skirt popped over over my head and I was wearing a I was more embarrassed about my ask being exposed than I was of getting hit by car. Because your boyfriend was yelling at you about it. He's like, how dare you? You're such a slut? You want everyone to want to fuck you right intent in the middle. I don't care you're I mean, that really is what some disgusting men thing. God, I mean, it makes me so mad when women are slut shamed by their husbands that are just scared of losing them. It's just so obvious. I want to just cut out all the time. Paying is funny because I'm gonna cill you out right now. You're being call him out, well him out. The only thing that I feel when I if I'm with a girlfriend now and she's wearing a thong the on, it's not about her, it's about other men either gawking over her and then like if I'm like not paying it, then they're hitting on a real quick and then I gotta it's what is the problem there? Because you're dealing with having to have a confrontation with other men that are horny that seeing asked, they'll maybe take a video of it. Yeah, it could start like a whole thing just because she's showing her ass. That's the one thing. Just because men can't control their horny nous, that's what's Yes, Yeah, of course I'm not. I'm not blaming her. I'm saying that that confrontation, that feeling you get around horny men is annoying for a man to feel because then you've got to be like a line. You didn't want me to approach that guy that was on his phone because I was wearing a thong. Yeah, well on your head, Yeah, and it would have just been just no, I get it, Like I I understand that when your girlfriend looks hot, it's like other guys are gonna like maybe hit on her, and it's gonna be a thing. But it's also like, yeah, I blame a guy. I don't blame her. I'm just saying though it is, it's not a it's it's gonna it will happen. If you're at a pool and there's a lot of people there and you know you're going you're talking nobody. Next thing, you know, you turn around, you're like four guys being like, oh man, I want a guy that is so horned up by the fact that other guys are checking me out, Like I want a guy to be like, those guys are all wanting to fuck you so bad, and I'll be like, I know and they can't you get to And I want a guy to be like so turned on by that, And even if these guys come up and hit on me, like, I want a guy to be like, I can't believe they all want to fuck you. Like I was at the pool yesterday or a couple of days. Brandon was in a thong and she was laying out in the sun and I was in the shade, and there was a guy laying out next to her, and I could feel kind of him like, you know, hitting, you know, trying to get her attention, and he didn't know I was with her because I was on the other side. And it felt great that then like I finally went over. I sat next to her and I gave her a nice kiss, and I was like it felt it did horn me up a little bit to know that, like, she won't want to sun this guy, yes, and even if she does, whatever it did, do you. Yeah, I realized, like I I definitely like when I have a boyfriend who everyone wants to funck, and like I'm I'm dating a guy who all the girls like. I like the opposite of that, where I got like whatever version of it, like a thong bikinis for a guy. Like I like guys to look so sexually attractive that every girl in there wants my guy. But at the same time, I also like to be that girl too, so like sometimes it's a lot of times I think that's it's called hot wife or hot husband, and I'm both like I want I want my boyfriend to be a hot husband and like other girls don't want to suck him, and like he can even do stuff with other girls. I don't care, But I also want I want other men to I want my partner to be turned on by other guys turn on by me. I know it's it's not a jealous way. I want to talk to my boyfriend about it and be like, can you believe that guy over there like things he can suck me and he has no idea that there's no like I like that without them being like I'll fight them. Yeah, No, want fun it's hard. It's hard as a guy whatever you guys are because of biology. I mean, I just listened to this really fascinating podcast about our mating patterns and why we do what we do. And basically it's like what it comes down to is that women, when we're pregnant, we know the baby is ours. There's no way. I mean, now, there's ways with science to like put your egg in someone else so it's could be your baby, but women always know that we're the mother. Yes, men never you can never be sure, yes, right, but like that's technology, but based on our like you know, in things from back in the day, you wouldn't know. That's why you guys are fucking crazy. And that's all. And you also know that all you your only goal is to come as much as possible and as many women as possible. Everything in your biology makes you want to do that, and women, we have no there's no the reason. It's so fascinating, No what you have to listen to this podcast. You're gonna love this podcast because it talks all about like why women cheat and marriages and they think there's a there's an evolutionary um reason for it, and it's not like what anyone thinks. It's really it's really fascinating. Is the latest Making Sense podcast with Sam Harris. It's about the mating rituals of humans and it's fucking fascinating and really, uh, it all comes down to men not being sure that they'll be the fathers. That's why they're so territorial and women were just more sure of it and we just know, but men never know or like you know now now we can know because of Mari Povid, but you know, cave men didn't have more back in the day. We gotta go. Thank you so much for listening to the show this week. Um, we're being back next you know it. We're going on the road this weekend. We'll report about that. Going on tour very very soon to so many cities. Nikki Glazer dot com slash tour for tickets. Please support all of our sponsors. We hand select them for you guys, and I hope you enjoy. Please just listen to my ad rates because I have a lot of fun with them and I try to make them funny for you guys. And um, yeah, just keep writing into the show, keep saying nice things about us on on your Instagram. Stories like I read them all. I'm so touched that you're spreading the word about the show and then it means something to you. And yeah, and thanks for dealing with my my moods this week. I'll try to to to keep being honest and I appreciate you guys understanding when I'm not in the best mood. And that includes you and Noah Andrew. Thank you so much, thank you, love you guys so much. And yeah, tell three friends this weekend about us. That's a good idea, that's good, and rate and review on iTunes that that that really moves the needle or whatever pod kind of catcher you have. Um, thanks so much. I know that's a lot to ask, um, and we really appreciate every little thing that goes into it. It's like this is I really look at this as a life long thing for me on Earth and it's my most important job and I and I really I love you guys, Thank you, and please don't die this weekend. We need you. One of you. Can't just for this, just one. Don't be jackpot

The Nikki Glaser Podcast

Every Monday through Thursday, comedian and infamous roaster Nikki Glaser provides a fun, fast-paced 
Social links
Follow podcast
Recent clips
Browse 518 clip(s)