#63 Find A Mary Lynn w/ Mary Lynn Rajskub

Published Jul 8, 2021, 1:00 AM

Between You and Nikki, you can learn a lot even from a third of a good book about saying no and keeping your integrity when it comes to dating. Andrew stayed up all night because he had caffeine before a pilates class. Mary Lynn Rajskub joins, watch her special on Vimeo: Mary Lynn Rajskub: Live From The Pandemic and the action packed alien invasion film that she stars in: The Tomorrow War on Amazon Prime. Mary Lynn is so open about her life, career and dating. In the news, they give their take on the largest horse in the world, mistakes with money and comfortable "teddies". Burning Questions for Bob with Mary Lynn, has Mary Lynn's non urgent urgent message, coming to terms with splurges and in the Final Thought Andrew's question about aliens leads to a conversation about God.

Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com

The Nikki Glazer Podcast's Nikki. Hello, Happy Wednesday to you guys. How's it going out there? Welcome to the Nicky Glazer Podcast. Thank you for listening. Things are pretty good here in Old St. Louis. Um, not a ton of report. Yesterday was my full day without Marion and it was awesome. I got so much done. I got a lot of responses from people who care for things, um, both animals and people and in their day to day lives, and they felt seen by me saying that I see them and that I think about them. And some even said like, I can't even come to your show because you're coming down the street for me, but I can't even get away because and I get it, you know, I get it, And thank you for doing that and caring for another person and get you outside of yourself. But so much about being able to care for other people is caring for yourself, and that it is good to be selfless. But if you neglect yourself enough, you're gonna have a lot of anger, and um it's gonna be It's gonna affect the people that you are caring for. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people just do everything for other people, Like we'll do anything just to get anyone to Like. It's not even people. I guess it's people pleasing, but it's just like, are just to Um, I can do that for you. I'll do that for like. It's just it's too much. Um. The word no is great UM. And to have boundaries, but I didn't know what those were until a while ago, and I'm still figuring out what they are. UM. Like, you know, I'm reading book Men Prefer Bitches and or I was, you know, I read a third of it and now I'm like done, Let's be honest, that's all I do. Let's read a third of books and feel like I know everything. Um. But I've just uh stopped reaching out to any people that I'm actually interested in, Like no more like no no more, Like, Oh I'm bored, let me just text this person. Oh I'm I'm thinking about them. Oh wait. I waited until I actually had a good reason to text them because I saw this thing that like reminded me of him. I mean, like, you know, all the somersaults we go through to like justify why we need to reach out. I mean, one of my favorite stories ever was with my best friend went on a date with a guy and he the date ended like kiss on the cheek, like mail, let's do this again sometime. Like hell, we can argue that maybe that's a way you end a date that there could be a future there. But if a guy is saying that, and if I'm saying that, it's not likely we're going to go out again. I think at the end of the first date if I say I never say that because I don't lie now. But at the end of the date, if I'm not into a guy and he's like, let's do this again sometime, I might just give in and go, Yeah, it'd be nice, you know what. I'm gonna be honest, like I might lie because it's not a lie because maybe I would, but that's not a good indication of Like it's kind of like saying like, yeah, what if like all my other options like die and there's like some kind of and if things in my life take a turn, you know, um, and it's not doesn't say anything about that person. They're lovely. Isn't it funny that we can reject people ourselves and totally understand the notion of you're great, just not for me. Yet when someone says that to you, it doesn't fucking make sense and you go, okay, I'm great. Well then it must be like I don't even want to know what it is. Most of the time, usually it's that I'm just don't remind you of your mother enough. Um, that's just the way it is. And I'm I'm sorry if that, you know, triggers you or makes you uncomfortable. Um, or maybe I do remind you of your mom too much. I mean, it can be a it can be either or, but generally it's that you need a woman who's going to kind of recreate that dynamic you add as a child. And uh, and I'm not the one for you, or it's like you know, they'll say something like I don't I don't want to, I don't want to be in a relationship. A lot of times, I feel like I get men to open up to me in a way that they've never opened up before. And not because I'm like, I really want to talk about your childhood drama, but because you guys know me, I just bring it. I get Uber drivers to tell me about when they're molested, Like it just kind of pours out out of people, and I I just created. I think. I'm not trying to be like, oh I'm magical because people believe me. This is backfired so many ways. But there's something about the atmosphere I set with some people that they are very comfortable saying things that they've never said before because I ask in a way that is non judgmental. I think because I am non judgmental, and maybe they just sense that. Anyway, I get guys to admit trauma and stuff they've never talked about before, and maybe they've never even admitted to themselves, and then they freak out because then you know, it's almost like the drunk thing we're talking about, when a guy will tell me things when he's drunk and touch me in ways and be affectionate with me in ways, and then the next day like can't replicate that because it only came out when they're drunk, Even though when they're drunk they say this is how I truly feel. It's like, okay, well, then I need to keep you drunk all the time if I'm going to get what I want in this relationship. That's not gonna be really sustainable. In its similar way, when guys get vulnerable, it's almost like they're drunk, like they get. You know, when you go into a therapy session and the mood is set for you to really open up and be relaxed and feel comfortable enough to divulge things. It's a kind of drunk state. It's a state that you when you step out of the therapist stores, you're kind of like, WHOA, back to the world where I'm not thinking about my parents constantly or whatever. Um. And I feel like I said that, I think that guys get out of deep conversations with me sometimes and they go, oh my god, that was so humiliating, and they don't want to see me again because they know. I know. I mean, I know in one circumstance that this is what happened. Also, he just wasn't attracted to me, probably and I was too clingy all the other things too. I mean, I think that was a factor of it. But you know, there I have many suitors right now, and it feels great because I'm casting a wide net. There's there's lots of guys that I could text to get the validation that I see from men to feel like, oh, there's someone that would be out there for me and that I could cultivate a relationship with more interested in others than than some than others. Um And I'm really applying this whole new rule of like not reaching out. And so the other day I was tempted to, you know, send something because I saw a thing that was like, oh, well this, I've got to send this picture or whatever it was to this guy. And I just was like, no, is this urgent? Does this need to be sent? No? Like, what do you want from this text? What do you what's the best reply you could get? Are you going to get that? Most likely not. I've literally have never been able to predict what a guy is going to text me back, So I'm probably not right about this one. If I'm guessing the one the perfect text back, so it will probably be something less good, which is only going to make my mood sour. Why don't I just put down the phone for five minutes and see if I remember to do it in five minutes. Guess what didn't remember to do in five minutes. Within two hours, he had texted me this guy that I hadn't heard from. Um And and I was in the middle, so I was playing guitar and so my phone was on Uh, midnight mode. Great move, you know, just putting your phone on midnight mode mode you're busy and um, and then I wrote back when I felt like it, and then this I got. I'm not even gonna go in tw it, but I'm just we we went back and forth and UM, it sounds like I got stood up, but I kind of feel like I got stood up, Like there was a like, hey, let's do this, like I like to say when I'm communicating with someone who doesn't live in my same city, trying to get to know each other phone called uh face times texting each other like you know where you're both able to text back and forth a lot, and you're not in the middle of something. You need to create those spaces so that you can get to know each other. And I, I guess I made the stake of requesting um a hang out and no response and it's just like kay, But also I'm not because I have not owed anything, and I honestly I don't. It's it's so funny. As soon as that thing diminishes, something else pops up, because it's there's something freeing about not reaching out to these people and letting them only come to you because when you don't, when you don't reach out, you kind of forget about them and you realize they're not that great and that they don't like you that much, or they don't like you enough to, you know, to be the thing that you imagine they're going to be someday. And it's like that that's disappointed because you've gotta like fucking start over, and it's so hard to be attracted to someone. And I'm just so excited if I've ever even like someone, I put all my eggs in that basket. And it's like it's just it's I just get disappointed. It's like, why can't you just the new Taylor Swift lyric from the song Renegade is so good. She's like, she goes, is it insensitive of me to say? Get your ship together so I can love you? And it's just so good and she goes, is it really your anxiety that stops you from giving me everything? Or do you just not want to? And that's it? You know, Like these guys can say like I'm closed off for I'm just not ready for a relationship, and I can make excuses like I'm not like their mom enough, they haven't worked on themselves enough, Why don't you go to therapy catch up to me. Let's come on, you can get there. And the thing is, they just don't. They don't really like me. That's okay too, you know. And um, it's so funny because I talked to like a friend of mine who I was talking about some guy and he goes, Nikki, I don't even get you could have anyone you want. You literally could have anyone you want. I was like, isn't that so funny that someone so close to me thinks that? And it just couldn't be further from the truth. It's so nice that someone thinks of me that way, and a lot of people do. The truth is you can't. You can't have everyone you want, and especially someone who goes after things that are truly Everyone says, there's no way you're going to be famous a famous comedian. There's no where you're gonna be on TV someday, there's no where, you know. I've gone against the odds from my career and I always want things that seem and I got lucky. Let's be honest, like I just worked hard enough and got lucky that I'm I got this thing that most people that they pursue they don't get and um, maybe I'm gonna be unlucky in relationships because I've been so blessed in other ways and that is okay, and I'm fine with that because guess what, My life is fucking awesome. It's so good you guys. I didn't even get into what I did last night, but you know, old glazed Dog has uh a new uh F buddy, and um not fffing because I saved that for marriage, but everything else I'm I'm quite pleased. I guess who wasn't thinking about a guy not texting back last night? Um? When she she was having her sexual needs met this girl. It's it's so funny too, my new approach to relationships, which is like get the sex filled, to get the sex filled, take care of the sex part of your life. Stop relying on a relationship to get you there, and then see what relationship happens on top of that. And guess what when when I'm getting when I'm getting affection during a little sex romp, I'm not really requiring much else after that. So maybe that's all I need. I don't know. Maybe we'll talk day Andrew about it. Andrew'll get it of here. Hey there, Andrew, how's it going? How to sleep? Night? Terrible? Really? I drank caffeine too late, like a fucking idiot. Yeah, because you were playing a little golf with a new friend. And is that why you drink caffeine because you want to stay up with him? Yeah? Yeah, I wanted to impress him. Well, I took the pilates class, which I've never done before. You took it in the morning. No, that was at five o'clock and then you went and play golf. Yeah, but you took caffeine before the plot. Yeah, got it. And I don't know if caffeine is good for pilates because it's a because caffeine you want to move around, and pilates is all about these like long holding movements. It was very difficult. I was shaking. I look like an idiot. My hips hurt. I'm just I avoid um doing any exercise where it involves like my hips or like things that I'd be weak at. You ever, like avoid things you're weak at. Speak only. I don't do anything I'm bad at or that I wouldn't be the best at, or like or that, like you know, I can't um immediately go, I'm if I'm doing something terrible. It's like dancing with the stars, like I'm gonna be the worst or I'm going to be the best. You know what if you're to where do you have an excuse? Yeah, I'm the worst. I've never done this before. It's you know, yeah, there's a there's definitely, yeah, there's an excuse. Yeah. And so you know, so pilates are like yoga something like that for a guy who is what made you do that? Because you go to this hit class, every hit class, high intensity interval training class every day and now you've added a new one because it's closer because it's right downstairs. No it's not. I mean that helps. Yeah, You're driving to Chesterfield to take a class where a guy yells at you with three other people and then he lets you film afterwards, so you and he gives you a free class a month because you post one thing on your Instagram store. We know what the deal is? What are you doing over? I don't even know if you've paid for anything in that class yet. I think you probably bought you. Let you grab a couple of celsius is from this fridge. Ow dare you keep away? My secrets. So anyway, so yeah, so when you went to this class. Yeah, but you know what, like I've done plates. Have you ever tried plate? Yes, a lot of its core and uh, I've been so hurt from like lifting and stuff, and I just I want to be functional from forty one and I want my golf swing to be as good as I can. But you heard somewhere that pilates was good for golf. Sure, okay, there we go. That's all I needed. That is all I needed. You watched a TikTok where you saw pilates was a beneficial I didn't. I didn't I would agree with you, but I assumed it was good for golf. It is, it's core. My arms aren't gonna be too tight or lift weights. You never see a golfer look like a meathead, like Yeah, well, you were talking to my friend last night about golf, and uh you were talking about how you mean you're very like top heaf, like you have a lot of muscle on top. You're like a piece of pizza. Like a slice of pizza. Yeah, well, maybe don't skip like day, so maybe it's snack up. Maybe maybe a type of St. Louis pizza, the square beyond pair that is even all around with two toothpicks on the bottom. But you can really hit the ball hard because you have a lot of muscles, but you wouldn't be able to like sometimes guys are so musty, Like you're almost getting to that point where it's like you can't like you're not being able to move as much because your muscles keep you from like can you hug yourself like this? How far can you get around yourself when you hug yourself like this? See, you can't get as much. Look at me. I'm like in the middle of my bath, I can really love myself and you are just like when guys are getting John Cena can only like hug his wrists. I'm just trying to pick someone like the rock probably literally can't touch his own body because his arms don't bend because the muscles stop. You know what I'm saying deeply uncomfortable golfers. It's all about flexibility. It's all about being able to move. Do you want to be a pro golfer? Is this the new drive? Because I support it? You know, I'm trying to be a musician. It seems just as idiotic and you are good. I want to be. It's funny. So I I I met a friend he met a couple of days ago at the range. He was hitting about forty yards. I go, I gotta meet this guy. Guys are very simple. If you see a guy hit a long ball off the driving range, you go, hey, man, that guy's more masculine, he's alpha. I need to be around them, um oh make me better. I don't mind being around better people to make me better. Uh, and so I just you know, started a conversation. He started talking about how he has demons and that gets in the way of his golf swing, and I was like, I have demons, but I can't still some of your demons can They like hit your ride on my shoulders so I can swing like that. It also helps that he's six four and you know, he's everything I want to be. And it's like, is this yeah, you tried to like set me up with. It's so funny because Andrew the first night he met this guy, he tries, he goes, I found a guy for you. I met a guy at the driving range. Six It's nice of me though to think of you. Yeah, until the next night you're telling my friend about him, and you go, yeah, but he's just a guy with a lot of demons and just like he's going through this horrible break. It's like, why are you giving me this six for? Yeah? This guy that I mean, you know, I love a guy with a lot of issues. But you know, someone who's still hung up on an X and is going through stuff like that sounds like a perfect guy for you. You know, I want them to still be with the girl and then you get together. It was you know, look, I thought it could just be fun for you. I'm sure he's you know, got I was thinking long cock for you. You know, he could be fun. He could be fun, little nothing. You don't need anything. I'm already having fun. I need a real relationship. The fun is being had. That's great. Yeah, and do you feel fulfilled? Yes? Yes I do. Yeah, you seem to have a little bit of a spunk to you inside your asshole. Yeah, I've used that line before. I got to look at me, you've got spunk in your hair. Yeah, my bad, look it up fashion eggs. Um wait, that wasn't not at all. Yes anyway, But it's funny when you get an adult friend, like when's the last time you made a friend outside of stand up outside of your friend's circle, Like you're at the nail salon and you're like, hey, this lady has nice nails. The other day when I was at Starbucks, I met Melanie and Brittany shout Out Girls. The other day I ran into um Melanie on the street again and she goes, I go hey, and I wanted to stop and talking. She was well on her way to something, and she goes, I'm listening to you right now, and she held up the podcast and I go, well, I guess we're hanging out in your mind, and I'm like, where are you in my real life? No, I had to go, but it was really sweet. Yeah, I mean I know what you're saying. I was trying to think of the female equivalent of a nice swing, where you're like, oh, and it really is you know what? For me, it's a woman that doesn't care that it is radiating confidence and doesn't maybe seem to have is very nice, radiates confidence and isn't weirded out or does something bold that like it? But when so, what's an example, like how do you know that? I mean, you hit a ball three for you know this? Guy's put time in he you know, he likes sports. I don't know. Yeah, you see it right away. It's like very obviously, but I not necessarily confident. I mean it takes me. It takes a little bit longer because women don't often like show that kind of boldness and um funniness. Like we're not really as outspoken. There's not like a boldness range where we can go and just you know, well, maybe if you went to like an open mic for guitar and you saw some badass girl like kill it, maybe you'd want to become friend with her to get some of her mojo. Yeah, I'm not closed off to girlfriends by any means. Like I have one of the best collections of girlfriends. And I mean I'm literally going to Mexico at the end a month with Noah Robin, who I met in the Cayman Islands and became best friends with, who doesn't know anyone except you cursed in my best friends since fourth grade, Taylor, my best friends since seventh grade, um Selena my friend from New York, and Carlyle from l A. Like it's just an e collective group of people that I've picked up along the way. And you just know when when I know, I know, like I have um loved first sight with best friends, I kind of just know, you know what I was thinking about. Why here's the thing. If you're like a young lady learned to throw a football, I really and I know, I know you that initial reaction, but a football a girl at a party, if you if you could throw a spiral thirty yard, you get treated like a fucking queen, and it's like a backflip for a guy. Now. I know they're both overrated, but I think that reaction of like, why would I learn to throw? If you could throw a football at a party or at a beach and you're a girl, you're gonna get late. Okay, how about this learn to throw a football. If you're a girl and you want to throw a football, you know, like if that's a thing that sounds like a fun thing for you to do, but you've learned a skill to attract a man that you necessarily don't love one putting makeup on, I mean that's just for st It's just not true up. No, I love, I love stand up, But the first time you did it, that wasn't to do it to get a guy's attention. It was because I wanted to be good at something. I don't know. I get what you're saying, learn a skill to um because you are very like entranced by any kind of athletic Yeah, I mean, but that doesn't if you just want to get late, I guess, but doesn't last like I can't. I don't know. I just I can be impressive in other ways if a guy needs me to throw a cool spiral to be impressive, and we're not gonna last a spiral for you essentially. Also the guys that are like, whoa, she's so good at stand up, I don't want to fucking even touch I don't like those guys. Like I like guys that are like, wow, she's really herself and she's so goofy. Like I was talking to my friend yesterday about it, like all I want is a guy across the room with my husband. My ideal husband is going to be someone that I can like be the weirdest in front of. And he just laughs and kind of shakes his head and it's like like just as like Nikki is just like that's my wife, Like I want to that's my wife to my she's so fucking annoying. Like, but I think I can turn to that. Let's talk to our guests about that. We have a great guest today who has a new special out Live from the Pandemic. It's on Vimeo. You can get it for She is a major TV and movie star. She has a new movie out that she is in that you can find on Amazon Prime called The Tomorrow War. It starts Chris Pratt. Uh again. I mean it's a crazy cast and Noah watched the last night and she fucking loved it. It also stars our guest today, the hilarious, the honest, the lovely, the talented, Marylyn Rice Cub everyone. Maryland. I could just hear you and it's just your name. There you are, Hi. I love your background. What are you laughing about? You know what? Give me a second? You love and I don't. Can you look? So? What is this? You look adorable? I love the haircut you have, like a shaggy bang. That is a good bang? Was that a new choice? Is that an I got? This was Grand Cayman Islands. It's actually growing out. Stop it. That's where you got it? Because listen, Maryland person, Okay, let me. I don't want to just say like, oh, it was for a movie, because it was, but I'll give you the backstory, which will make it not so lame to say that, No, I was doing an independent movie. There. We we connected briefly, and I'm so excited about what you were doing there. Oh my god, I can't wait. Oh my god. So I sat down in her chair, and the script was this woman was supposed to be severe and rich and like a murderous matriarch. So it had her in like, you know how like guys right the description of women like she's in a pantsuit with a tight bond. Yes. And I was already like before I even sat down in her chair, I'm like like, I'm just like I'm not, but in a nice way. You know. I was gonna like, let's have a discussion about my hair. Meanwhile, I'm like, there's no way you're doing a tight bomb. That's all they can see is like, yeah, woman, that's not supposed to a tight, severe butt in a pant suit. It's kind of yeah and throws a mean spiral. We were just talking about pant pant suit. First of all, I'm gonna be swallowed up and it's the grain Cayman Islands and she's a rich person. She's not a bank manager. Yes, yes, Why did you go buy me some Gucci and ship? Yeah? I'm sorry? How rich? Am I a calf taine? You know what if we do, if we do give you this Gucci wardrobe that you want for the character Maryland, I'm sorry, we have to move you from the Kimpton to the Morritts, which is on the other side of the island where everyone from f Boy Island is staying. And we're going to leave the tag on you and can you not soil? You can go to the bathroom on the beach, it is natural. So what did you so you agreed on this cut, which I mean looks you look so shake I love that it's grown out. So the story even more. The lady she was like, I'm not I'm not a hair I'm a I'm a stylist, not a cutter. Yeah. Maybe she was suffering and she might dress I was like, no, she was a hairdresser. Yeah, she's no, she wasn't a cutter anyway. She maybe after after this conversation, keeps it to herself. She's like, can we talk about your hair a little bit? Longer. But anyway, she was like totally on board. Of course, like you know, ent of hair and makeup, people are like awesome. Yes, there's like the three percent that are like the worst, but you're so right that it's like legit the number. They're always awesome. But once in a while you're just like, how did this stink bug last in this business? Because it's such a like intimate they're like instantly in your space, and so by and large those people are going to be like the dope chill people. Yeah. Anyway, she I. We both kept talking about it, and I was like hyping her up. I was like, just do it cut my hair, and she did, like even a more severe you know, the bank's room almost like an Anna Wintour looked. Talk about severe. That woman. I don't know if she's ever smiled, I know, very rich. It was sunglasses refused to her head. You were in the Grand Cayman. You were in Grand Cayman for like a month or so doing shooting a movie. I was there with f Y Island Andrew, my co host, Andrew Colin was also there with me. I started getting me and I've only seen you on Instagram. It's weird seeing me live through a computer. I know, it's so different. We I only people kept tweeting me at me being like, are you here for the same thing Marylyn writes is And I was like, she's here. And then I looked and you were staying at the Kimpton, which I stayed at for two weeks after my show wrapped. I just went over there to enjoy it. It was so nice. You were doing like a quarantine video every day of like because you had to quarantine for two weeks right before you guys were allowed out into the open. Wasn't that so great once you were allowed back out, like now we're kind of living in America like that, like it's kind of free, maskless. But then it was a real treat. What did you do first when you got out? It was the best I had. Right before I was let out of the quarantine, I had an extra scare which made my release even better. There was a fire alarm at the Kimpton, and I was supposed to get my test back like in like a matter of moments or oh my god, and you have to leave and break quarantine for oh my god, and I got boned. I called the desk I go, I'm about to get out of quarantine. Should I leave for this fire alarm? And she goes, yes, leave, And then everybody got a talking to at that hotel because the COVID person called me and she's like, um, actually her voice was shaking because she knew she might because I and then and then I started having a panic attack, cause I was like, is this what's gonna tell me? I gotta go two more weeks in quarantine like I started, but because some kids pulled the alarm or they're doing some tests. Well, because she was saying I broke it, because she's like, did you who did you ride up in the elevator with? I said the other guy that I'm on this entire floor. We've both been quarantine and she's like, okay, well we're you six ft apart? You know my god. I was like touch and go. So that last hour or two was really harrowing. I I legit started to panic, even though I could have just been like I gotta go home, like there's no way I can stay in here for another two weeks. But for some reason, that was like the little trigger that I started to lose it a little bit, and I was actually texting with Bob Sagett. Yeah, it was also hard day down and he's like, just it's okay, and I'm like, I really am just doing breathing exercises. I actually started filming TikTok's to take my mind off of it because I was like, I gotta get out of here. And the rest of the quarantine was like lovely perfect anyway, it was like build up, build up, build up. Everybody at the front desk knew um by the time I came down, and Uh, I went straight to a dinner that had already been going on with everybody in the film for like, you know, it was like the third hour of the dinner and everybody you know, of course it's that moment of mask list. So I walked in and every and there was this big like you got out. It was amazing. It was I'm so glad you got out and that to have that happened in the last hour, I mean, it's so wild because I saw your view from your hotel room and you're looking out on this resort. You're looking out on the ocean. Every day You're like, oh, there's my boat, and you're like zooming in on you like there's my boyfriend. It would be like this, like hot guy walking by, and we had the same kind of thing where was there was caution tape in front of our ocean view, like you can't there's just this tempting outside. And after a while though, I almost didn't want to leave, like and I think a lot of people are dealing with that right now of the world opening up and you just don't. You're not ready to go back to social things, and there's just some fear that you can't even put your finger on of like what it is. But there's so much the thing that you used to hate of staying inside all the time has now become this like comforting thing. And even in Grand Cayman when it's like when we get out, I get to go and be amongst all these new people and meet new people, which is you know, stressful in enve itself, but go out on the beach. I didn't want to andrew you. When we got out. You went to the gym, you went all these things, and I was like, I'm just gonna go up and take a nap in my room, like I needed to really ease into it. But then once you were at once time I was out. That's why I tell people, just force yourself to go out and you'll realize it's like two days and then you're good. Yes, you build it up. Oh my god, what am I gonna do? How am I going to talk to someone? And you're a human you can get back on the bike. Like we're not. We didn't forget that much, you know what I mean, experienced those like the kernel of like agoraphobia, which I'm sort of thankful that I know what that feels like, because it's like, oh okay, because I really all of our habits over the past year and a half, it's like I don't need the world anymore. I can Yes, Well, you also had COVID as an excuse to stay in, Like COVID was kind of a great excuse to not do anything, like, oh no, I'd love to do that. But I got this amazing my parents recently we're telling me that some people couldn't come to a function that they were throwing because they were scared of COVID, And I go, are they unvaccinated? And they were like, And this was before the delta variant and all these new things popping up that people can use as excuses to stay inside and not socialize. Again, people are still using I'm scared of COVID instead of saying because my parents go, oh, these people are going because they're scared of COVID, and I go, honestly, they have social anxiety, which to my parents, they don't understand what social anxiety is like that us not to be nervous about talking people. When I would go to the grocery store with my dad as a kid and he would be like, hey, there's some one those parents go say, and I'd be like, no, I don't want to see them. He'd be like, I don't understand why you wouldn't want to see someone you know and talk to someone No, And I go, I don't understand it either. So they have no concept of it, and so I told them. I go, the people that tell you they're scared of COVID that are vaccinated aren't scared of COVID. They literally are scared of going to a party. And my dad goes, that's they're not scared of a party, and I go, yes, Dad, there's a thing called social anxiety and everyone has it, and so many people had it way before the pandemic, and now it's even worse, and so I just would like people to be honest about it. And instead of making a lie up of like I'm scared of getting COVID, just say I have social anxiety, Like teach people not even I hate you, I'm scared. I'm scared of social interaction. I mean, if someone sucks, just be like I can't make it and get those people out of your life. But sometimes people I want to hang out with them, just like I don't because I'm just scared of keeping the conversation going. I don't even know what I can't even put my finger on it. Uh, Marylynn, You're special. I've watched half of it. Is so funny and so different. It's on Vimeo now. It's it's called Live from the Pandemic. Oh my god, No, I can't wait to watch the rest. It's called Life from the Pandemic, right yes. And it's it's filmed in your garage, I believe, correct alone with a uh. And it's just you doing stand up for about an hour about your life before pandemic and now kind of like we ease into what your life was during pandemic. Right now, I'm just into the material about um your divorce and your relationships with which I'm fascinated by. And it's it's I want to get into it all in a little bit. And you're dating now too, right, Well, yeah trying? Are you on? I was on Riah for a minute. I never got any clicks, any action. Yeah, no, it's it's it's nearly impossible. These actors talked me to going on bumble and she actually, I say these actors because this it was like you know when you meet people and they're they like love life and they're like get up like those type of that are a little bit foreign to me, but I love being around them. Like this woman I just worked with and the Grand Cayman Island. She was like, here's how you take a photo. And she's stunning but she and she so she knows how to do all that stuff, you know, and she got their profile set up. Put your tips together something right, It's not all about the tip. Push that fool now. She's just like, smile, smile at the camera. She would think, I know how to do. I mean, don't just tid like this? Do you want to date? His wife? A comfortable scowl. I'm scared of other people. Anxiety but I kept going from Riyah to Bumble because you're like, okay, Ry is the celebrity one, or it's like the you know, the the elite one, but you get no fucking matches on there because you're up against literal escorts. Why would a guy want a relationship with someone who is a real person when they can have sex with someone who literally is a fucking model. Who who? I mean? It's just like you just look at your competition. You go, okay, this, there's no reason I shouldn't be getting matches. This makes sense for the kind of guys I'm seeing on here. Of course they don't want someone like me. So then you go to Bumble and there's too much riff raff there there you start getting set people in your like for St. Louis Bumble is l a Bumbles probably al right, but St Louis Bumble, you get about thinking about it. I think I need to force myself to do it. Yes, because that's the people that have done it. Just go on a bunch of first dates. That's like, I'm from a time and a place where I didn't Yeah I was not. Well, your husband you've met because he just came up and gave you his number or ask for your number, like he approached you. So it wasn't like a so you you often meet men who are You're not having to like seek it out. You kind of wait for people to come to you. It was always through friends of friends, social circle, some comedians back in the day. But I was always awkward. I like my game was like no game. Yes, so I'd be like like I would just I think I would listen to people and I kind of like an easy mark for them, you know, And then how do you prefer to would? Because I have all I don't like dating apps because I hate the pretense of we're meaning to see if we're going to have sex or maybe get married. I hate that in the air. I want to just start his friends. So I changed my riot profall to just looking for friends because really that's all I them. And then I will take it from friends to more because I don't like that corny energy from men of like this this might be I might have my dick in you later, like I know they're always thinking that, but I really hate and I hate the disappointing men too and not being into them, and I feel resentful that they even think they can prior to meeting with them, and so I've just taken that off the table. That's why I hate dating apps. Well that's interesting because I have the equal but opposite. I talked to one guy on Riya on the phone, which was totally reasonable. I have never done that again. My stuff and my special is about weird in person things that I've done very very few, only like two or three things. But anyway, I talked to this one guy. He was in Silicon Valley. He talked so much that I was like, like, at first, I was like, you're too smart for me. And then I was like, you just are too communicat to like I'm a little like, go away from me. Stop talking. And and then he started saying how he met a lot of women. He's like, and I've met a lot of friends on here, and I was just a friend of yours. I don't want to just like have this long conversation for for nothing, but yeah, like I have things, I have issues. I need someone that I can like vibe with. I don't want you to like you're so communicative and you're so willing to be a friend and like you're cool with women, Like yes, I ate that too, Okay, that would really have a few issues for me, like a real guy and like go away a little to speak to me. I know, but that's the most frustrating thing. Like it's like we don't want someone to be totally there, and we don't want someone to be and I also and I don't want someone to be not like it's it really is impossible that anyone ends up with anyone. I just don't get when people are in relationships. I go, how the fun did you both fall into a place where you both liked each other the same amount and agree? The one boyfriend I've had in my life, I still go, how did that happen that someone I liked liked me back in the same way. It's just so fucking rare. I mean, I just love that you're on the phone with the guy and he's like he talked too much, like like be a strong, silent type on the phone, like the whole point of the phone guessing. This guy didn't really ask much about it, like was it like that or was he interested in you? It was I think he well, first of all, he said I was funny. Oh god, no, Well, it's better than to be a joke. It's better than the up and down when I when I admit I do comedy and they're like you, yeah, I get it. Yes, that's not like deaf comedy. God, yes, different types. So he was already thought you were funny just upon meeting you. It was like I like that. I was like, okay, we we can skip a couple of steps. Yeah, because people know you, was like, uh, people have to know you as like a sometimes you know, most famously for your role as Chloe on twenty four, like a dramatic actress. And so when they find out you're like this really hilarious stand up that has a totally different vibe on stage and and can is capable of being is one of the funniest people ever. Uh, they're they're a little surprised. It's thrown off you. You have, you contain multitudes, but for someone to see that, because I often get the same thing of like, I just don't people are you know, strangers are often like you're comedian, like that kind of thing where it's like, I'm not constantly funny, and so when a guy but I'm Nicky Glazer, Okay, but when I get what you're saying, thank you when a guy's when a guy just knows I'm funny and I don't have to tell him what I've done, or like he just thinks the way I'm he already knows I'm funny based on not like my roasts or something, because the roasts are like this pageant I put on, They're not like how I talk in real life. If they've that that, that does make me happy, but it's I don't know the funny thing. I get worried because it can be friend zony because guys really like comedy, so when they're like, you're really funny, it can be like I've had I've had guys on Rydy like you're the goat, and I'm like, okay, no one wants to funk a goat, Like I know it means greatest of all time, But like guys, don't they say that about Tom Brady and they don't a lot of them want to funk Tom Brady. You don't want to think of a go like it's just an ugly Some guys are fans, but I'm sure you've had that to where they're like fans of you and You're like, but I want to be sexualized. I don't want you to want to know about how I got into this role or whatever. Right, let me ask you this. Do you think you can date somebody who's not an artist type or in the business. Um? Yes, oh yeah, for sure. I mean there's so many funny guys and like charming guys like I want, um, like, somebody with kind of a more straight type of job. Yeah, yeah, absolutely, But I tend to like people who are more free and like creative and artistic. But yeah, I mean I'm all over the fucking place. I was attracted to do a guy a couple of months ago where I go. If you would have, Marilyn, if you would have showed me his picture on tenderman like or like been like I want to set you up with this guy, I would have been like, do you hate me? Like? I would have been like, I don't. This isn't someone I would ever date. This doesn't they're too old for me. They're all these things and and um. But I was so attracted to himself it still am It didn't make sense to me that I was this attracted. It threw me like the in person you were yes immediately, And I was even confused when I saw him. I was like, wait, why am I feeling a sexual desire for this person that objectively like or whatever that work Like, I just would never have. I would have never heard. I never thought, but my body was like, like I couldn't place it. I was like, do I want to make out with this person? And then I saw them in like a different light, and I was like, oh, yeah, I do. Like I I like was so happy because this person was the hottest thing I've ever seen, and on paper, I would have never really I would have swiped left. I really would have. And I hate to say that, you know, just uh just in in in in the real life. Yeah, just like in in a situation where we were, you know, I had to talk to each other and I was like, whoa, there's a vibe here. And and it's just to say, now I really understand when women are like I could be attracted to women, uh Ferris Wheel, like you know when women are like fell in love with like a yeah, like when women marry a Bridge. I'm like, I this guy was so outside of what I thought I was attracted to. And I've never been hornier for anything else in my life, So I could be attracted anyone. So now, when when Andrew will show me a guy? And I'm like, now, I used to go no, now, but now I go, I'm not attracted to him, but let me let me meet him in person, because that's how I'm going to know, because there's all bets are off. Now. I was watching your special and you were talking about when your husband left, his toothbrush was gone and he was so quiet. So you were you were married to a quiet man. It sounds like right, So when do you want someone a little bit more talkative? By yelling? I th it was so funny. I mean, we got to get to the news. Can we zip through the news? Oh yeah, we'll zip through the news. You have to zip through a couple of news stories. Here, here it comes. Here's the news. First. I hope you're having a great time out there. We are. We're having all the swells. Hope you are as well. Uh, this is big news here. Okay, I don't know if you're ready for this. The world's tallest horse, Big Jake, dies at on a Wisconsin farm after he grew to six ft. We love big thing. Um okay, well all right, p J. I mean I don't know what to say about a big old horse. I'd feel like Noah picked out this story because she likes horses. Do you have any do you have any thoughts on Jake Maryland, Like a big old horse dying twenty years seems like a long time for a horse to live. I think it's sweet. Yeah, looking at this picture reminds me of like Ripley's Believe it or not, when you see the tallest man and you assume, like this horses world weary. He lived a long, large life, you know. Yeah, yeah, I feel like he's a nice guy. It would be interesting if you're a farmer people by accident, yes, tall tall men do that as well. Well, you know if you owned this horse, right, you're a farmer and you have the biggest horse on earth, and you're like, you just want to keep it between you and the horse, Like do you feel like you mean, is this a sexual relationship? No? No, you have a tall horse and you're like, I just want to keep his tall horse. I don't want everyone to come to powers, right, Yeah, Like I just don't want to deal with like, oh now I gotta have to have a sign on the horse coming up. Yeah, it's a lot of stress. For a horse to be constantly having photos taken of it being interviewed for Guinness Book of World Records. That's your whole life. And people are asking questions. Yeah, yeah, Well I don't want to beat a dead tall horse. So let's move to the next story. Alright, world second largest horse. It's still alive, Sandy. Well, now there's a new let's find out what is it? Oh, my god, probably tall horse to replace God. Maybe Big Jake had kids, you never know, probably with a little woman who knows. Okay, here's some money mistakes people make in relationship. Money mistakes that people make in relationships. I mean, yeah, I mean number one, not talk about finances soon enough when you talk about it. First eight, put the bill, I mean it's that's money, or like not putting the bill, or like are you going to cover this? Who's going to pay? But we're talking about like credit scores, debt estate, which is gold dreams. I mean, nothing drives you up more than numbers. Right, But before you get married, I'm guessing you have to have that talk. Maryland. You've been married, you've been married, you have this talk earlier enough. I mean, I'm sure this is just bringing up a lot of stuff you had. What I loved about your special Maryland was that you talked about and I'm about um how people assume, because of your success, you must be just like swimming in dough like Scrooge mcdock, diving into all these coins that you made off of your five seasons on twenty four as like a beloved character. But by the way you were brought on as a character that was just like going to be a supporting role and then became the the lead role with Kiefer Sutherland through because she was so she took that role and made it so her own. Like I know that you that's all you sometimes feel like that's all you ever hear about yourself. But that is truly an incredible feat to make something that wasn't intended to be that because you brought so much to it. So I just like, I'm just I don't mind. It's a huge part of my life. You know, It's just I I don't I'm embracing it now. That's the new me. Yes, you show it because that was because you know what's a bad at it? You know, it's a bad look to be like at one time about something else. I mean It was such a major part of my life and it is hard. It has been hard to go back to comedy, but but I love it. It was it was It was a great part of my life. And you know, when I first started on that show, people they were really annoyed by my character. They didn't like my character. So it was a really fun unexpected bills. So they it was just like, who's this annoying late woman. She's always rubbing people the wrong way? Right anyone knew? They go, what's this new? I don't want I don't know who this is. And then and then I stuck out episodes and they are like, let's keep her around. It's so funny that what happened was they wrote me helping Jack Bauer, so that gave me the extra push where people were like, oh, now we love her. And it also inadvertently created this dimension to my character where it's like, oh, she's loyal and she's this she we didn't think she was all that, and then I became all that and now we're best friends and a bag of chips. Yes, okay, I get I get it, and but it's but I just it's just so interesting to me when when the general public goes, who is this? I don't even know who this is? Like I get that a lot of like who is even Nicki Glazer? And it's like you you had to learn who Tom Hanks was at some point you didn't know who Tom Hanks was. Yet people the general public always goes, I don't even know who that is? Why is she doing? That's like you have to meet new people. You want to be introduced to people. But one person that's super pumped about seeing me, and then the person right next to them is like, why should I know you? Yea happened to me all the time being next to this one all the time. They're like, oh, you're there too. I think it happened at the beginning of this interview. Now I'm just having fun. No, wait's so, I have a question. We were talking about remember Kiefer Sutherland, how like he's a bad boy, and like you get convinced that these actors are like these tough guys that can light a match with their face, you know whatever, Like you know, would you have moments with like him, like in a trailer where he's like eating like you know, like cheese. It's and you're just like this is the guy that's like so cool and saves the world? Was it? Do you ever like you the actor's shift from like being the coolest thing ever to be like, can someone get me my phone? It's plugged in. There's no are like just being like pussies right away, because actors are kind of pussies by nature. I mean, there's sensitive babies. Was like the guy that was like the man of the world, like tell us, tell us things. Yeah, you had in your special he would play chess, tough chess, and he would have a cheeseburger. That's kind of bad. Actually that's pretty exactly now. But you did say something in your special where you were like talking about when you would sit at your computer as Chloe and you would be typing positive affirmations to yourself instead of like whatever code you were supposed to be writing, which I just love that. And you were even saying like, you know, like Keifer is just like really into character right now. It's not about you. He's just an intense guy. You you know, there there were probably moments where you're like is he mad at me? And you're like, no, he's just like in he's having to do a scene where his daughter's dying or whatever. You know, like maybe that's it and not making it about you, But I'm sure there's I'm sure there's. I mean two things about that is Like one, he is very scary. He can be very scary. And you know he also was like a big star since he was little. It's weird because he's approachable, but he's not approachable. And then my personality, I'm like, I don't want to say anything because I don't want to, like, I just want to be here and get by. I don't want to get in trouble. I don't want to do the wrong thing. I'm just gonna like keep my distance and hope to keep my job. And I think that's what helped me stay on it for a long time. Wait a second, did it? Because sometimes you see actresses that are so demanding and so like such divas or actors and they work all the time, and you go, if I acted like that, I would never get a fucking job ever again. And these people sometimes aren't even that talented, and you go, would I be better off if I just was was not trying to stay out the way and not trying to demands. We got to start making some demand, But you're like that, You're just a nice You're a nice person. I can see you are just like happy to have the job, like, let me just do a good job. But there's some people that go into things and are like, you're lucky to have me and I'm gonna do what And I just have that air of shittiness, And I'm sad for them because they must be a really sad person to act that way. But there's something about it that I go, why does that work? Why do these people keep getting work? And I'm sure you've seen it. I don't know. I want to turn over a new lease and be like that you can't. I mean you, but but you better start eating a veggie burger at eight am. You could be that. I mean, I do feel like you are in the special from you. It does have an air of like I know who I am and I know what I'm capable of, and it's very confident. I mean, you're doing stand up in your garage that takes confidence with no audience, that takes a level of confidence and like, I know who I am and this is despite the optics of it, or like despite the details of it of no audio alone in my garage. Uh, it's hilarious and honest and um, so I think you're there, Like I think that's but without the bitchiness of it. So I think you do have that confidence? Did you find that uh later in life? Like, because I just relate to you a lot based on the small conversations we've had of just do you have the impostor syndrome I'm guessing of like I'm not good enough. I've only gotten things because I'm lucky or I've been in the right place at the right time. I'm nice to certain people, so they just like give me things. I'm not really that talent. Do you have that? And has that shed away for for you at all? Honestly, as you're saying that, I think I have that thing. I keep it under wraps. But if I'm being honest, I think what's propelled me for is it forward? Is it there's a part of me that well, I think I was just desperate for attention and like validation and I only liked acting and stuff like that. But I was gonna say that I have that. What's that psychological thing where you're like you think you're the best and then you think you're a piece of ship. Yeah, you're the biggest piece of ship at the center of the university. Yeah. So I think it's been crawling my way to a middle place of that and then my exterior I act like so nice, you know, to get people to like me, but it's sort of coming to terms with like my inner rage, my inner confidence. And stand up has really helped me a lot with that because you know, I used to be so reactive on stage. First of all, I did only like alt rooms, which was great because I was getting like acting stuff. So I was in l A through the nineties all, so it was that wasn't until years later going on the road or even just like you know, the main or by the improv even I would be so reactive, you know, like my nature. I'm like, oh, what you do today? And it's like this learning curve of like, no, they don't, they're on your time, Like you steer the ship. You don't, like, you don't genuinely let people take the reins you have to be. So that's part of like what I keep coming back to stand Up for is to like become more and more emphatic about where I'm coming from and to discover that and being on stage with a microphone and being like, I deserve to be here and I don't need to include that they're here to see me. I don't need to include them for them to like me, and that I have enough on like reactive to a fault? Would you would you be reactive in a in a playful way, like relying on them to kind of steer the show or was it reactive like you're you would get heckled and you would lose it and kind of go off on them in a way, and then it would completely derail everything, Like what do you mean by that second? And I don't do this much anymore, but I typically would if it would derail it, and I would become like quieter and more dry, and which is the opposite when when stuff's going down, you just go like call it out and work through it until you get to the next thing. But I also, I am saying in life I think I was. I'm like, I have been like way too reactive that it's like fine, I'm not like, yeah, I there's there's so much to explore here. But I do want to say that I watched a Just for Laugh set that you did that was like a TV taping set and she walks out. I did that same show. It was not an easy show. I don't remember. I I don't I don't know if you have the same kind of audience, But for me, that is that the one where was like in the basement, and I'm not sure, I don't remember exactly where the green room was, but it was at just for left and it was a TV taping. It's a really nice looking set and everything, and you did crowd work right out of the gate, and I remember that crowd, and I remember every comedian being like that crowd sucked. And by the way, this crowd was not good for you, Like, you know, right out of the gate, you're hilarious, and I'm like, as a comedian, I can just know when a crowd sucks and it's not the comedian, where as YouTube comments just based on what I've seen of mine, don't understand when a crowd sucks and I'm good or like anything, you know, like it's so much to the crowd. But you went into the crowd. You asked a girl in the front row what's your name? And her name was Lynn, and you go, oh my god, like you're so excited. I go, what, I'm listening to the sega? What her name was it? Lynn? What was Marry Lynn gonna do? And then Marylynn goes, do you ever think of adding mary to the front of it? Like it was so funny? But I go, what if her name was Gail? What would you have said? Like that? To me? Is so ballsy that you could do? Yeah, it's so ballsy that you could go, you could start a set like that. But I think that, um, there's something, there's there's something there that I just don't understand of relying on the audience and wanting to go out to them and be reactive because I want I want to know exactly what I'm gonna do. And I don't talk. I don't talk to the crowd at all. Maryland, I blur my eyes so I can't even see them. I literally have never once gone to the crowd without them calling me first, because I'm so scared of not being able to be funny and yeah, I want to be in control. So it's just it's such a different approach, but we're both trying. We're both trying to get the same thing, I think, which is for people to like us. I mean, I see the way that you like why recently saw you at super Nova and you're very inclusive of the audience. You know, even though I I get what you're saying, but I see that as like you just have stuff that you want to say. So it's like I don't enough time, and you are feminine, you know you don't you you do allow for them because you know when you're connecting with them and you don't have to like I just not so scared they're going to say Gail and not Lenn What if they say what if? On that thing she wouldn't have said, Like you always feel like, okay, I can get like no matter what her name is, I'll be funny Like you do. You have outs for like crowd work where it's like, oh my gosh, that's like my dream right to write down like six outs. I'm always like that's a project I'm gonna know that you're gonna get to later today. It's always on the to do list of like yeah, but I don't know. It was just to me that was incredibly ballsy. But you have a type of ballziness that I just don't have in terms of like you'll you being able to book things so much and be such a great actress and be able to go in auditions and stuff and and clearly nail those because of how successful you've been is a talent that I just cannot seem to It's just not within it. I look at you like a superhero in that way of being able to do that. I think I see where you're going with that, because what I hear you saying is like I lead with my vulnerability and not much else. And I see you, see I idolize you because of you are honed in on your voice and you know, you know who you are and what you have to say. That's what you lead with, and you do it on your terms, whereas I'm like, let me, let me throw all my stuff out there, like my entire heart, and then you just go like, no, right, I want to be more like you, And like I after watching your special, I'm like, I want to take more pauses. I want to feel out like what I'm actually feeling in that moment, because I think you're like genuinely being honest with your feelings in that moment of like you're not trying to make an uh, You're not making a face to get their reaction to be like like an awkward face or like a like sometimes you'll just do a face where you're just like, it's just it's real, it's a real reaction, and you're not scared to leave them with um, just a moment, like a silence. I can't stand silence. And it's just and it's not because I'm like, I have so much to say. It's because I'm fucking terrified that someone will yell out you're ugly and we don't like you, like that's my biggest or like you suck, Like I don't want any opportunity for that, and I just feel like it's so vulnerable to be able to take your time. But also let's not discount the fact that you have in credible jokes and there are so many uh moments in the just the thirty minutes of your special. I watched that, I was just like, oh my god, this is so honest and real. And you know, even when I watched that just for laugh set though, and you're talking about your marriage, I go, this bitch is getting divorced pretty soon here, Like I can always predict when the comedians getting and obviously I had, um, you know, I knew you were divorced by the time I had watched it, so I go. But I do have a spiky sense when a comedian is on stage and their relationship will be over because this bit is too real and too good and too representative of a fractured thing in a relationship that they can't maybe address in their own relationship. That they're taking a stage and that it it has given them such a release to talk about on stage and the excitement behind it and the like the depth that they've uncovered with this this joke is like they're just such a great joke that that's that's how they're dealing with this, and it's definitely not being talked about in the relationship. And I'm guessing this person that they're talking about doesn't even care enough to watch their stuff anymore, so that's why they're getting away with it, which is another example of someone who might be checked out in a relationship is that they don't even care about the persons. So when I watch someone do a bit and it's really like about their relationship in an honest way, which I love because we all need to hear that you talking about your marriage in that bit. I'm sure so many women and men relate and they've never been able to articulate that kind of loneliness or anger, and that's important to have, so I I'm grateful for that. But I I do think it's a it's a and I've even had those bits before where I go, if he sees this, it will be over or if if this, if I really address what's at the heart of this joke, I have to admit to myself that this is dead in the water. It's such a what's that's the rub, right, because that those are the juiciest areas that you want to get into. Yes, that are gonna like come back, I know, And that's where you have to realize, do I respect my relationship more than building this joke? And if you do, you find the balls to address it in your relationship, I think. But sometimes it's just like this ain't gonna get fixed. I need to bring it to stage and work it out. It's just the songwriters do it, but we do it in such a literal way that it's hard to make it nuanced enough that the person that it it's just it's all there. And I've done it before too, But I just love that bit and I loved seeing it. I got married. Um, I didn't more friends then and now I can't wait to talk to you about dating though, uh like, because yeah, you've been out of the game a while. So it's care. We got to get to the last part of our news segment. Why do I care? This is the celebrity news segment. Why do I care? Why do I care? Alright, big news here, Dolly Parton doesn't wear sweatpants, even daring the pandemic. Okay, she says, I don't wear sweatpants. I have my own little house clothes, like a little dress type teddy along teddy. I call them my baby clothes because they're sold like a baby. But I don't wear sweat clothes. All right, How do we feel about always feeling like even it seems like she does it for her, Like if it sounds like she's comfortable, I was gonna say, it's this bitch always going to be wearing boostiers and garter belts, and it's like, no, she's just wearing it. She feels more comfortable and like a loose teddy. I think, honestly I would too, rather than sweatpants. How do you feel about sweatpants? Do you rock him? Would you rock him in public? Loose teddy? I mean I've not. I don't even know what a teddy is. I wear garter belts to the groceries. It's a little ninety to the d m v um no. I mean, you know, I should be more like Dolly in the sense of like being more feminine in my day to day life. Should be more like Dolly. You know, I don't want to see someone with their shoes off on the airplane. I don't want to see I wish she could lead everybody into the dressing better. Have you absolutely not? Have you dressed differently since you started being single again? Like trying to be more feminine? Put it out there, like I'm a lady with skin. Talk to me now with a little with a loose teddy out there. I'm scared because I'm going in the opposite direction. I'm like, I don't need it, don't want it, don't want to put myself out there. Yeah, I'm wearing you know, it's borderline when I'm starting to wear out to the store. Right. My son, who could care less about clothes like this dude only wears sweats and baseball shorts, were at Target. He I'm actually wearing them because I was wearing the same exact purple leggings every day. We're at Target, and he goes, hey, why don't you get these totally out of the blue, and so I bought these and now I wear these every day. Oh those are cool. Oh no, girl, those are awesome. Those are a Target. Okay, Marylyn is like humping the air in front of us. She's wearing these. Amazing those us ship. Dude, I'm literally getting those very tropical. First of all, their eye catching, so they're peaking a guy. If a guy at Starbucks is interested in you, he has a reason to talk to you because they'll be like great leggings because it's like a it's a conversation piece. So it's actually I appreciate thank you so much for doing your research on me. I don't know if you'll get to the end of it, but like, there's a part where a guy picks me up in the Laundroy Mat and I it was a hundred degrees and I had no makeup, but I was wearing these and he picked me up. Yeah, I was wearing these. I mean, wait, how did he pick you up? Pants? For our audio listeners, which is all we have right now. Um. They are like, uh, they have like a pink green there's like a pink green pattern to them. They're really trendy and it's like ferns, like, you know, like almost Oh my god, you're so flexible, mary Lynn. They're just amazing pants that have just have some kind of like fern like leafy design on them. And I'm definitely going to be wearing them. You'll see them on my Instagram soon. Okay, so this guy the laundry mat picks you up. You're wearing those sweaty and gross and no makeup and you're the laundry mat too, got it? It must be this. What did he say? I mean, you're ask does look great in those? What did he say to you? How did he pick you up? Can you believe? He goes, He's like hi, and I said hi. And then he pulled around again and he's he just started saying, you know, people don't usually say hi. People aren't usually nice. And I was like, okay, yeah, huh, you caught me in a good mood. And then he said he just came from the grocery store. This was his flex He goes, did you know you can get your d m V tags from a machine at the grocery store. And I was good to know and his car was big and it was clean and he was clean, and and then he's talking to me. I'm like, oh, like is this really happening? And then at one point he said, can you put your mask down so I can see your face? Cute? Is that cute? That? Like? Okay, wait, what happened with this? What happened? I went to have tea with him that night, and then he was the guy that said, tell me a joke, and then we were just like missing. There was no like banter, and I was like stewing because then he wouldn't let the joke thing go and he's like, I'm sorry I offended you. I go, it is not offensive at all. I said, that's just not how it works. That's not how with somebody. And then he wouldn't let it go. Purple leggings. Probably you put it on. I probably put on my Teddy my story partner. Yeah, your DMV uh kiosk at Trader Joe's uh nightie. I think he thought he was going to like boost me up, you know, like go ahead, you can do it, and I'm like, this is a nightmare, so he saw me. It's weird because I have to figure out I want to be like a lady. I want to be taken care of. But it's also like I don't need to be taken I know, you want to yourself and be like you know, that's just not like we just don't answer that question that that tell me a joke. We get asked a lot. It's kind of like a cliche that like you I always handle it like this. I go, I'm obviously not going to do that. That's like, honestly like a comedian's worst nightmare. And it happens a lot. I totally understand. I would have asked me to if I didn't know, but just so you know, like that's not what works. And then if I'm sure you did some version of that, but the fact that they go like I'm really sorry, then they keep going back to it, it's like, no, it's fine, like if he wouldn't drop it and um, and it's not a great sign though that that's what because you know what someone who doesn't know Tom, you joke to comedians is the right thing to say. It's probably not like consuming the same kind of entertainment you are like, you guys don't have a common if he doesn't know how to talk to a comedian and that that wasn't the only thing. But he it's almost like he was missing the mark on stuff we had in common. But then he was going full speed ahead, like let me show you pictures of my kids. No Wine Country, and we could go on trips together, and I'm ready to commit, And I was like, okay, could I could just be any person? You know that? Yes, that's it. When a guy gets to like over the top and was like you should come to can't cou you should go this thing? You go, I haven't proven myself to you enough for you to invite me to these things. You don't even know me, And now I'm offended because I could be anyone And that's that's it. It's like these things that guys do to make you feel special, and like, you go, you haven't asked anything about me really to get to know me. Maybe you're attracted me and would like to have sex to me, understand that, but like you're cless person to invite someone to Wine Country that you just have known for ten minutes, and well, awesome, does he not have it? Does he not have a washer and dryer in his own compartment? That's a bad sign, isn't it. I think he was driving through there, and I don't know why driving You wonder why, I mean I did, but I just I figured you're having Yeah, I thought your house burned down there, Yet you're a state having a leaping burning down. Let's get to our segment with Marylynn Rice cub It is called Burning. This segment was first coined after we had Bob Saggatt on the show, and I decided to keep the same theme music and title. It's called Burning Questions for Bob with mary Lynn Rice Scott. Uh, Marylynn, this is when we get to ask questions that we think may be might not? You not might not always get asked that we want the truth to. You can always just not say what you want to say, But we think this is a good way for people to get to know you in a way they haven't. And um, I'd like to have no one. Because Noah saw your movie The Tomorrow War last night. She loved it. She told me it was probably too scary for me. She told me also that the aliens depicted in the film which are great. She said, this is on Amazon, by the way, The Tomorrow War. She said that the aliens are so cool, but that Andrew might be scared of them because they do resemble a bearded dragon lizard, which Andrew is scared of lizards. Don't love them? Good? Yes? So so no awesome movie. Yeah, tell us first of all, tell us what you thought about the movie, and and tell us why our listeners should watch the movie and who might like this movie based on if you if you like apocalyptic movies. There's a lot of action, great graphics, great acting. It's about a war in the future and they come back to the present time to recruit people to fight in future war. Is that correct? Yes, there's this military that urgently comes from like thirty years in the future and tells people, Hey, there's a war happening in the future. The aliens are winning. We need to draft you to to help us out. And then Maryland's wearing a tight bun and she's what what does she what is she wearing? What? What? What? What do you? What's your role in this? I'm a regular lady that gets recruited. I think, oh cool. I initially I think my character backstory was some kind of scientists, but they ended up like scrapping our backstory. But just you just see like all these regular people and like middle aged people. Yeah, so I'm just like jeans sweatshirt. We just get swooped into the future. When did you shoot this right before the pandemic? Oh my god? So it was that exciting for you though, to know that you had this movie coming out, And like, I always love the time between when you shoot something and when it airs because you go I did it. I feel accomplished that I did a but I'm also not working right now. But I can, but that hasn't been released, so I'm in this like, so I'm always I mean, I'm excited that I had it because I had something, but I'm always like, I need three more jobs. I tell myself, Okay, not that exciting that you have a movie. Like, I don't let myself be excited. Man, we need to hang out more. Already spent that money. We need to talk more to get here. I'm gonna start getting you exsyched about how fucking awesome you are because you need to. Really, you need to enjoy your Yeah, you need the washer dryer. Mama needs coins, mommy, and I think you're right in that there's a there's a higher value, like a spiritual for lack of a better word, place. Yeah, your spirit needs to be in a place where you're like I did this like down because if I stay in the mode of I need, I already spent that money. But you know that's gonna bring me to my question. But no, one, let's get to your question first, which is based upon I believe something Marylyn's work. Okay, so it's based off of the tomorrow war. Um, since the people, like the military people in the future come to the present with an urgent message. I was wondering what was the last urgent message you sent? And you don't have to be very specific formed question, isn't it good? Wow, that's the last urgent message. Can I tweak this to maybe open it up a little bit? Noah, do you mind the question at all? Um? If you had to give an urgent message to people right now, one message? You know, this is kind of like that one question, like if you could put up a billboard with one statement, what is your urgent message for the world right now? Wow? Either or this is heavy. I don't know if I have an urgent message. Okay, what about to yourself? If you were a friend to you and thinking about your day today, what's the urgent message? Like Marylyn, this is what I need to you to know your future self, giving you an urgent message, get out there, get out there, engage with the world. Okay, you only get one chance. Stop hiding. What does that mean? Okay? So are you gone on one message? I don't have the message. I wish I did, no meaning like when you're texting this is it? Is it all in one paragraph? Right? Coming in a statement? It would be don't panic, don't panic? Got it? I like that? Okay, that's the urgent message. I like that the urgent message has it's it's almost uh, it goes against itself because the urgency is don't panic. Like you never get an urgent message like those don't panic the world. Her urgent message is that this is an urgent and there's nothing to worry about. Never mind, Really the question doesn't exist anymore. I think we've great question, um, great answer that actually negated the question itself. Loved it my question? May I oppose it? Of course? Bitch? What did you spend your money on? I want to know when you said to your special you go, I spent the money. I want to know looking back on what you said, you don't just say exactly, what's one purchase that you deeply regret in your past? And it can be at any time, honestly, But what's a purchase that you go that was dumb? Because I've got some recently and I just want to feel less stupid about my own dumb spending. I I think I did everything wrong, just because it's not like I thought, oh, I'm always going to be on TV. But I did think it's only going to grow from here, which is so not true. It was like I should have saved every scrap. So I two things that are the same thing. One, I bought property to rent out in New Orleans right before her Kane Katrina, with the urging of a woman who was like, you're going to make money off these properties and they're historical and they're gonna be rentals, and that's smart. What you did was it is smart in the grand scheme. But then I also bought a huge house. But I don't regret it because I'm kind of glad I had the experience of what it feels like to have a huge house. Now I don't need to have that anymore. But it was in Woodland Hills, California. It's six thousand square foot house with a slitewater pool, a back house, a tennis court. Oh my god, you know, a wine thing, a bread warmer, now, did you? It was so fun? It was It doesn't sound like I was just like money, like money, right, and you look back and you go, that wasn't worth it because the way you talk about it. I saw your face light up in a way that was like, maybe maybe you did enjoy that enough. It was what year did you buy this house too? Thousands? Let's see, my son was born in two thousand and eight, so it must have been two thousand and five, so they're in the peak of real estate. Oh. I bought it at the high and close on it to get out of it. Yeah. My financial people were like, you need to not pay your bills in order to get the bank to pay attention to this too, so that it will go happen. The same thing happened to me. I had a short sell a condo which wasn't that expensive. That's how much of a loser I was. That's a weird feeling though, when you're just like, I'm not paying my bills on purpose so that they we explain it to me, don't pay your bills so that they are distracted by that. It needs to default, No, it needs to default in order for it to move into because you know, I was being advised, you can't afford this. It's not the Also, it's inflated, so there's no way for you to recoup you my god. So in order to get it so that the bank will, you know, do the sail or whatever you should, you should rent this, like I did. Have the lady who sold it to me, she goes, let's stage it and you can rent it. But my gut, I was like, no one's gonna rent this for the thousands of dollars you know what I mean. It was like a huge house for that, and I was like, I don't I'm not willing to take that risk, which thank god I didn't because I would have to have like a certain amount of money and I have not had that money since I was on that show. Oh my god. Well, um, thank you for sharing that, because it's true to like you just think when you're having a windfall of shows and things seem to be just great and you have so much like I'm in that right now where it's like I've never had this much and things only seem to be looking up. And you know, but I could be canceled tomorrow when I could all go away, or I could. You know, things happen where it can go away, it can alway go away. And I do save, and I plan outside of yourself, and I do have people that look at my money that aren't me, that go, Okay, this is okay for you to do, this isn't But I don't. I don't know why I trust them. I trust them because I don't trust myself, and there they seem nice, but I don't know what I'm doing. I can't stop buying Taylor Swift collectible merchandise or like collectible for you. I can't talking As you were talking, you're probably in a sweet spot in your life where you are doing the right things and you should have a little fun buying every single Taylor Swift thing that you want to buy at all time. Here's the thing. If you bought Taylor Swift, I am don't worry about if you bought our old house, I'd be worried, you know what I mean, like that at least eventually that we share together because we're in a probably gave for her, Like this is Taylor Swift's house, and like, well she was here one night. Well she looked she drove past. I mean, honestly, Mary, like a guitar that was I got. I bought a guitar on a bay that was signed by her? Right did you feel when you got it? You know? Because she didn't sign the guitar, She never touched the guitar. The guitar has a uh, it has a sticker on it of her signature that she signed own the same signature on the same CD case that I got for free. So I have I have. I have about five or six Taylor Swift signatures that fans have given to me because she does a lot of stuff, signs a lot of stuff. So this is just stuck to a guitar. The guitar is beautiful. It's a pink guitar. But she I wanted a guitar that she had held and like signed and didn't even play, but just like held. Um. So it's just a sticker. But I have a new bit. So I have so many tailor Swift autographs, and I implore my friends to give me more because they're really available for cheap. And if you ever want to give me a good gift, I got a room by this weekend. And my the joke I was gonna do was I was gonna put one of the signatures on the room. But to be like, I got a new Taylor Swift signed really because you could just put these things anything. Um, but I don't care. And now I'm gonna be a little bit more discerning of eBay purchases. Uh, and now it's a Now it's funny to me. Now someone goes, oh my god, Taylor Swifts on that guitar, I'll go hold on a second. No, she did it. I just didn't read the fine print in this eBay thing. The beauty of it, though, is that you learned that lesson for three grant, like you can learn that lesson with six thousand square foot house with me, I bought like an eighty thousand dollar car, Like you can learn it by spending a lot more money. So just take that in. I can afford this mistake. And it wasn't a mistake because it's now hilarious. The story of a sticker being on a guitar. Spent three thousand dollars for then the guitar itself is probably worth two hundred um at most our house. Did you even play tennis? However? Yeah? Did you play tennis? Did you go in? I started taking tennis people and other people play out there. We had a really fun party that was like a bracket and everybody was in as two million loss. I'm just guessing that's right. Moving into final thought on the show, we got to close things up. Andrew, will you um, will you pose your final burning question for Bob Marylyn Bob Marylynn Lynn Mary? I think, Gail, don't you wish your name was mary Lynn? Yeah? There you go. That is a good save. Okay. That that that's why you're That's why you go through every single person in the audience like what's your name until you finally get Billy all right, well all right, get out. Yeah that's my time. Thank you a new face. Uh so, um, I was thinking that you did this alien movie. Do you believe in aliens? Because it's a hot topic right now, and it is a hot topic. I did some press and it's hilarious. Everybody was tying in like good timing because we just found out aliens are real. I was like, I hope that the real aliens are a lot nicer than the one in this movie that are monsters? Do make you more afraid of aliens? And and do you believe in them? Okay? I am kind of like the general public. The fact that that's come out, I'm just like, but now that I'm thinking about it, this is embarrassing. But I probably believe in like angels more than I believe in in aliens. Um, talk to me about that, do you I recently have I have recently adopted angels into my life as well, not angels, but like you know, just I have recently believe in God or whatever that version is for me, like a higher power. Yeah, it's really helped me. Thank you. I found God during the pandemic, and it's it's honestly true. It's true. I started a picture of God and she never we just need to yeah, like, yeah, I swiped right on God and I never thought I would, but it's true. I was I was raised atheists. I was raised to think anyone who believes in God or a spiritual or talked about angels watching over you is just an idiot, is not intelligent enough to know that that's all fake and that we were you know, it's it's it's just it's science. We're all here because of science, not because of some higher power. And I don't even know what it looks like for me, but the idea of angels, I would have rolled my eyes a year ago when you said that. I would have kind of moved on to something else. But I do want to know what you mean by that, and um, how you interact with those are and yeah, what does that mean to you? I don't really but Okay, I had a friend who I had a friend that I worked with a lot. You were like I was in the movie Angels in the Outfield and that movie Actually no, she would did personal organizing, but she said her spirits would talk to her and tell her what you needed to get rid of to be like more spiritually in tune, and her angels would talk to her and I would be like, tell me more. And I definitely like to, you know, tap into like a more positive energy, and I think it's well to personify that energy. And also I did a show for atheists at Flappers in the Hu Room, and I thought this is gonna be the best show ever because they're really smart and they're discerning, and you know what, they were a bunch of a holes atheists. It was the worst audience. I love that you say that. Yeah, And I love anything that's like um, the afterlife or people connecting with this this energy of love that like scoops them up, Like I'm all for that. Like I believe in like groups of people that are together with that energy that can like move things and shift things. I agree, And I just believe that attraction that I was talking about that you can't see on a phone screen of someone showing you a picture of someone that that palpable, like honestly it's energy because you can't there's no way to like you can't physically see it. The attraction I feel to some people either friends wise or like just want this person closer to me. You can't. There's no there's nothing it is other than something that you can't scribe. So there has to be like a soul and energy. And I also, I look, I just know that I don't know, and I think not knowing is god like being like they're oftentimes for me that I now that I have a God or whatever I call it, which is truly I literally don't even know. I'm not trying to be like um obtuse I don't even know what that means for me. But before I went on Bill Maher, which is the thing I was very nervous about, it was it was really good because if I'm in the wings at the Bill Maher show, one of the most you know, outspoken atheists, anti religion guys. Ever, I'm back in the wings, I'm about to go on. I'm the first segment. He's in the monologue, and I remembered, like, oh my god, I forgot to invite God with me on this. Like I that's my new thing is like when I'm doing something I'm nervous about, I'm like, I just like touch my heart or like my shoulder, and I go, I just like kind of look up because wherever it isn't just go like, hey, will you like just make sure that I'm okay? And that means that doesn't mean will you give me what I want here? Will you make me be funny? Will you make me um kill and make him laugh? And like me, it's that no matter what happens out there, good or bad, will you make me okay with the outcome? Will you make sure that that's what's supposed to happen. So then when I go out there and I possibly bomb, I can go. God was with me that was supposed to happen. I invited him in. He's only there, he she it is only there to make to make sure my life is the best possible. Like even when my dog Maryan almost died last weekend, I was like, I asked God, I go. I didn't ask for God to save Marian. I didn't ask God to make Maryan be okay. I asked for God to make what's supposed to happen happen, the thing that is going to lead to the most good, Make that happen. And if Marian would have died, I would have truly been at peace with Like, that's what's supposed to happen. There's no free will anymore. Kind Um, yeah, well there is no free will, but that's kind of it too. It's like, what's supposed to happen is to happen. And um, I do though, think that you can control outcomes by inviting that in, and you can actually change the way you will behave unintentionally subconsciously by just kind of inviting that thing in and not doing everything alone. We do. I do everything alone. So just even if it's complete bullshit and it's not real, me thinking I'm going out into Bill Maher and that there's some spirit watching over me making sure that everything's okay gives me a sense of confidence and relaxation that actually makes me do the best job possible. So that's my answer to your Bretain question for Maryland. I think that's yeah, yeah, yeah, I think we both believe in aliens and their angels. Are we all of us here right now? Why why don't you go to New York City? Like, why are you going to the Midwest? Why don't you go somewhere where you could be seen? And no, they don't want to be seen, that's the thing, And you can't even finish that thought. No, they're like, and see a Canegie Hall. They want to go to the men. I'm just saying anywhere. They want to see Joey, the tallest horse you can anymore. We gotta Oh yeah, Jake, well Joey is now the tallest. We gotta go, Marylynn. I could talk to you all day. I really want to stay in touch. And I just texted you um an urgent message from you so that you have it to use throughout your day. But but seriously, stay in touch with me and let's talk more because we have we have so much in common. And I just I loved your special. I am going to finish it when I When I say that, usually I sometimes don't get around to it. But I really really loved your special. You can get it now on Venmo. It's it's really cheap. Just google Maryland right scub uh special. But it's called Live during the Pandemic. It's from her garage. It's very honest. It's just it has a great, like uh musical score underneath it. It's just like great to listen to while you're cleaning up the kitchen or just like put it on and just laugh and it's just vulnerable and great. And I am really proud of you for putting it out there, because it's it's not easy to do something like that out of your garage and be like, you know what, people deserve to hear me talking in my garage, but but they really do. It's great, It really is great. Thank you, Nikki, Thank you for having me and check out that I love you too, and check out The Tomorrow War if you're into those kind of movies, because Noah is and she fucking loved it, and uh, I'm really proud of you. Keep killing it. Thank you for being so honest, and thank you for being on the show today, Marilyn. Yeah, we'll talk soon. Guys, we'll see you tomorrow on the show. Don't and

The Nikki Glaser Podcast

Every Monday through Thursday, comedian and infamous roaster Nikki Glaser provides a fun, fast-paced 
Social links
Follow podcast
Recent clips
Browse 518 clip(s)